Tag Archive | yourself

Self

Self-contented Life

In the recent years, I use the above big word so easily in my life and it has become so casual. I am really surprised to feel how I have become this much self-contained?

My philosophy of life is simple. It is to live and let live. To great extent am successful in living this. Normally I try not to interfere in other people’s work. Of course when I consider my friends as my personal relationship I do interfere or give suggestions and leave them to take the decisions. I don’t take any decisions for anyone as the decisions whatever I have taken personally failed drastically for me. I don’t regret for any of those, but I can’t take it so easily for my friend’s failures and I can’t be a reason for their failures.

Self-acceptance

It is very important to understand that others are different from us and have the right to their own views and attitude. I am also a great believer in self-acceptance. I don’t prefer someone else to decide for me. If I take others decision and follow it, then that decision also will fail, it’s better let me take the decision and let it fail. I have to blame that other person as if  they have taken the decision. We have to learn how to be kind and gentle to ourselves, and accept one as it is. Self-acceptance is the source of great strength.

Purpose of Life

Sometimes I used to feel what is the purpose of my life? Really a million dollar question for me and I don’t have the answer as well. Even today I was chatting with my sister saying that my life goes with the wind and I go with the wind. Life takes me wherever it wishes. I don’t have any destination or destiny has not given me what is the purpose of my life. But you don’t do this. It was easy for me to say it to her to correct her way, but I was not able to do it for myself. This might be one of the reasons for me to get the self-contented feeling.

Self-Growth

I used to read not only on inspirational, but also on mind, body and spiritual as well, which has refined me totally from the worldly life to a different life. Am I not living a worldly life? If my answer is yes, then I am cheating myself.. I do live a very luxury worldly life in a way which I like to live and I live it happily. Am I happy in living this life, I will not say no because I decided to live in this way and the percentage of happiness might differ, but I know in this self-contended life I am very happy compared to the normal worldly life.

When I started reading the “My Experiments of Truth” of Mahatma Gandhi, it turned my life style little differently.

I learned not only from my mistakes but also from others mistakes, it starts from my parents mistakes till my kids mistakes and I feel that nobody else could have reached my stage so early because they would not have done so many mistakes in life to get enlightened. May be god wanted me to get this self-contented stage at this age, that’s why he made me to fail in many things.

Self-Control

Self-Control is the ability to control our desires or the whims & fancies. Self-Control is the ability to make ourselves in control with the needs of our day to day requirements. For all our basic needs, we can’t say that we need to control. It is a need and we must have it. When the need becomes wants, then there comes the control and we need to know how to control? If we can control then it is said to be as self-control or self-discipline.

It is not some kind of negative and limiting behavior, as some people might think. When self-control is used wisely and with common sense, it becomes one of the most important tools for self-improvement and for achieving success.

One cannot attain this self-control unless the needs are satisfied to a minimum level and it is not very tough for the human race to follow the self-control as we have the common sense and intelligence of knowing the needs and wants. We can’t control others but we can control ourselves. The only differentiation what we could do is we can control ourselves. I will write a separate article on this as this subject is an ocean for me J

Food Habits

To be self-contented, I started my control with the food habits. From birth, I am a vegetarian. I was eating very heavy food like others. I changed it gradually to have half stomach; this also has not come as a control, as a part of lesson learned from some contents. I have a very limited portion of food for breakfast and for lunch, and Dinner. I don’t do any exercise as long as I feel that I am energetic and as long as I don’t feel any ailment in my health.  Why to control on food? Food is the first step which leads to the other needs. There is a saying by Thiruvalluvar, offer food to stomach when there is no food for your ears. I do follow it. All my days I can read and write on some contents and I will not feel hungry at all. The moment I stop doing my activities, I will feel hungry.

Spiritual

Am I religious? Partially yes and partially no. I am religious and I use my religion and the concept of my religion as a weapon to have a self-contented life. I am not religious when I don’t need the self-control aspect.

My spiritual life style has touched me a lot in the last 10 years and I love to be in sync with that than the worldly life. I started spiritual as a weapon for me to safe guard myself; to avoid some unwanted mistakes in my life. Sometimes I have used it as a mask, but it has become part of my life. Now am in separable from that Holy Spirit.

Happiness

First thing I started feeling is that no one can make us happy other than ourselves. If I need someone to make me happy then I have to be in a place to make them also happy. So let me try to make myself happy so as I can show the same to the other person as well.

How do we create happiness inside us? How do you not rely on other people, places or things? At times, I am unable to make it so easily, because I do depend on others to make me happy. I make others happy and I get the happiness out of it. Most of the time, I feel that I am happy because of myself and I give importance to myself and not giving importance to others to make me happy.

We should know the art of living to make ourselves happy so as we can show the art of living to others how to make their life happiest.

Positive Thinking

Above all, I have lost all the life’s positive sides because of my negative thinking. Always I will think in negative aspect only. Now to the world I look positive but first impression will come to me as negatively only. Journey of life has taught important lessons in patience, dedication, respect and selflessness but very lately. This is also one of the reasons to have the self-contented life. I can’t go back to my teens to correct my mistakes. I can’t go back to twenties to correct my mistakes. If I try to do so which I should have done it twenties, then again I am going to commit a mistake.

Money

Money is important. However, in our society we do not emphasize the importance of money as a lesson;For me and my sisters,  it is with us in our blood. We were neither taught nor asked to learn the value of money and at the same time given the pocket-money what we wanted. Neither I am a miser nor a spendthrift.

There is no real way of measuring of how much money is enough for our life or how much will make us the extreme satisfied or happy. 10 years back if I would have got 10 lakhs I would have felt like that money is more for my life time. Now it is a difficult question. People would tend to say whatever the comfort level is. My comfort level in money is “reducing your comforts” and you can lead a peaceful life with what you have and I am really self-contented in this.

I know I was very happy living with 7 people in a single room whereas I can’t get that happiness in 1500 square feet flat. This is the reality of life. People around me can feel that I will be very happy now, no I tend to be happy and I show that I am happy but I was very happy.

Self-contented elements

I will prefer to get the answers from my friends and not answering for the below on my own.

Do you learn to really like yourself?
This includes self-respect, acceptance, appreciation, trust, tolerance. Look at these ingredients and apply them to yourself. Consider whether you treat yourself with the same love and appreciation you would treat another person.

Do you respect yourself?
Is there something in your past or someone who has made you feel less of a person? Are you living up to your personal values? Can you say you can be trusted? Do you keep your word?

Do you accept yourself?
Are you as accepting of yourself as you are of others? Do you look only at your flaws or do you consider your positive attributes? If there are areas you aren’t comfortable with, are you in the process of changing them? Change what you don’t like, accept that which you don’t want to change. You don’t have to be perfect.

Do you appreciate yourself?
Do you look at the nice things you do and pat yourself on the back? Do you tell yourself the words of encouragement you tell others?

Do you trust yourself?
Do you follow your intuition? Do you make sensible decisions? Is your judgement sound? Do you learn from your mistakes?

Do you show tolerance toward yourself?
Do you dwell on the negative or do you balance it out with positives. You may not normally think positively, your negative mind chatter may drag you down but you can develop the habit of thinking positively, creating an attitude of cheerfulness and hope.

Take care of yourself. If you don’t, nobody else will. If you don’t appreciate and love yourself, how can you expect others to appreciate and love you? Develop goals that move you closer to caring for yourself. Learn from everything that happens, the positive as well as the negative, the small as well as the large.

The Truths About Life

Human suffering is all-UNIVERSAL. We can’t avoid it and no one can escape from their share of pain. The pain of life lies among all with the rich or the poor, among men or women, we can witness that each has their own problems and difficulties. This is the law of life. I learned it very late. I was not able to understand it when I faced my personal failure in life. Education failures, Professional failures, relationship failures and all failures has made me to feel that am a total failure product of my parents and this resulted in self-contented as I know that I can’t be more successful person in achieving these many failures. I started feeling that after so many failures I stood up and faced the world with courage.

I know whatever happens, life has to move on. Giving up is not an option. But I can give up if it is going to help the other person. One must accept the situation and move on. This attitude has stood me in good stead in my own life to lead a self-contented life. I will not dream big. If at all I will dream very small things which I can’t make it in life. All other things I don’t dream, I do live with it.

Looking Back

I am happy with the way life has been for me. I never turn back my past and see what happened in my past and what I have lost, and neither I see the future with big plans. I see the present and go with the wind without any plans. Whatever I am today is of a self-improved personality. I have not given any chance for others to correct me, because I don’t like anyone to correct/control me.  I created a self-discipline rule for me and I follow that as my life principle.

Main reason for me writing this is one of my close friends and I wish her not to say this word self-contented, especially when at this stage of life. I really feel bad of you and I don’t want you to say this word any more. You can lead a self-contented life after 20 years of worldly life.

I have not become the self-contained in one day. It was a slow and steady gradual enlighten which I realized it in the recent time. I got so much inspiration and motivation from people around me. Some of them taught me what is life, some taught me how to lead the life and some of them taught me how all we should not live. I am a great learner and that’s why I was able to feel the self-contented within short period of 17 years as I learn from others mistakes as well.

I don’t want to write the reasons behind that friend. I don’t want her personal affairs discussed in public. But my sincere recommendation for her is please don’t be self-contented now. If we lose the age, we can’t get it back. Enjoy your life to the fullest then you can become self-contented.

A beautiful effect for you on contentment is that you become more flexible. As you like yourself more, you can consider others more. You aren’t so preoccupied with getting your own personal needs met. If you become more flexible it will be a win-win situation. As it happens, you find that delightful people come into your life and enhance it even more. You will not find time for the self-contentment as life will take you as it wishes. Now it is not moving as you expect, not because of your contentment but because of the situation and later stage you will also feel like me that you missed so many things and you can conclude that you are self-contented, may be even sooner than me. I will pray to god that you should not reach that stage forever as I want you to have this-worldly life to the fullest.

Enjoy your life. Keep smiling, keep going forward and no look backs or set back. I forced myself to live a self-contented life not it is my destiny decided by me.

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Best Day- Part 2

Best Day by my Malabar – Part 2 (April 27th 2012)

“True friendship is felt, not said.”

As said in the previous content, my day started very good and it was very pleasant with my best friend. As the sun continued to shine, my day was also very bright as like the sun. As the day ends, sun was about to set my happiness and the feeling of a good day also started to come down because of my friend Malabar who made to feel very bad of my some childish behavior.

When I was with my best friend, I called Malabar in a feeling that she should not miss me, as her time goes around me and I used to be with her all through the day. It is not only I don’t want her to miss me, but also I don’t want to miss her as well.

No Day is a bad day as long as we feel that it is bad. The day was too good and suddenly Malabar made me to feel that the day was about to end badly for me.

I will try to make sure that people around me or those who are constantly in touch with me don’t miss me and she is my close friend. How can I make her to feel sad or to miss me? I called her and we had a good chat for some time, but suddenly this female misunderstood something. She neither called me back nor did she try to ping me. She didn’t respond to my pings as well.

As the time passed in my best friend’s house, I said bid adieu with heartfelt thanks to my best friend, but mind was around this Malabar.

As soon as I came down from my friends flat, I called my sweet stupid friend to find out what is she doing? We had a chat over phone for more than an hour but still she didn’t say anything that she was feeling bad.

I reached my sweet home and started to ping her in blackberry, and slowly my close friend started saying that she felt bad for something and she asked me why did you call me from your best friend’s house? To be honest, I was shocked because this friend is not like others she knows my pulse, she knows my vein, what am I feeling, what I will say and what I will do. I never expected that she will misunderstand me. She has got that maturity to understand me to great extent. Initially I thought she wanted me to spend my time with my best friend. So I was not feeling bad about it. I didn’t feel that she misunderstood something.

I don’t know how you got confused with my love for you. “Don’t confuse people who are always around for the people who are always there”

Malabar, I don’t want to say about my friendship to you and neither have I needed you to know from my words. “True friendship is felt, not said.” I know your friendship and what it means to me. You also know what you mean to me. When we know each other intensely, do we need this misunderstand? Good or bad feeling also depends on our mindset only. If you feel that your friend does something purposely to hurt you, it is your belief and you will be right in your belief and if you feel that your friend will not hurt you even when there is a chance for her to hurt you, this is also your belief. Don’t feel for something which is not in your control.

Love is pleasant as well as painful, we need it more when we get it more for pleasant. We feel a pleasant pain when it is shared with others in front of us. I used to feel it when my mother shares her love with my own sisters or with her sisters. I can understand your feeling, but how you failed to understand my feeling for you?

I know the reason but I didn’t expect this to be a reason from your end. If it is with the other friends, I would have handled it very harshly. But I can’t do this to you because you are my sweet youngest friend. I take your age as compliment for you to do this mistake with me. Please never ever compare yourself with others.It is like doing injustice to ourselves.

You are what you are and there is no change and don’t expect the changes in me for our friendship. I will have 1000 more friends in my life but each of them is unique and they have their own places. All depends on what they give. I don’t keep anything with me, I return it to them 100 folds. If you show me your love, I will show it 100 times more than what I get from you. I show the hatred also in the same 100 folds. I don’t keep anything with me either its love or hatred, I return it back with interest 🙂.

“I hope we’ll be friends forever, together we’ll always be. I don’t think you understand just how much you mean to me. And one day when we part our ways, we’ll think back to the past and think about how happy we are ’cause our friendship will always last.”

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”  –Psalms 16: 11

Somehow she felt bad and good that she shared it with me, otherwise I would not have felt that she misunderstood my feeling for her. It was little childish from both the ends and I will try to avoid such situations in future.

By the time, we were clearing our misunderstanding, another friend of mine called me for a program organized by the local Tamil association. We will not miss any of these occasions as we have more time to spend on these kinds of programs when we are away from our place. When I met my friend last week in the Carnatic music concert, I scolded her for not calling me. I forgot this program totally and was not in a mood to go. When my friend called me, I thought I will go and make me relax and let me make my day pleasant. Somehow I told her that I am not coming for that program as Malabar’s misunderstanding was running through my mind. I will not feel comfortable or my concentration will not be there in the program.

I was really upset because I did it in a feeling to make her happy and she got hurt because of my stupidity. I was not able to relax or forgive me for what I have done. Undoubtedly it is a hurt because she misunderstood. I was not able to make her feel that it is to make her happy. We discussed for more than an hour and explained her why I need to call her and she also accepted that it is just a misunderstanding and it is not as she felt. But the scar remained in both of us.

“It’s the best feeling in the world when you meet new friends and you feel you can’t stand to be without them. You are not a new friend to me, now we know each other and we don’t need to impress each other to show our likes dear. You have given me a hope every day that you won’t leave me. You can’t think about anything else but when you’re going to see them again.”

We both wanted to see each other, as we felt that this feeling of bad will stay till the time we meet. I personally don’t want the gap to spoil our moods of a good/great day.  Normally weekends we will be missing each other and this week this misunderstanding gave us a chance to meet each other. She was planning to roam around some mall and I asked her to come to the mall nearby my residence, so as I can meet her and clarify her in person and to make the day as usual a very good day.

She reached the mall and I was in deep confusion and was personally upset with her as well as with other things. I was not in a mind-set to meet her with her family members when I was upset especially upset because of her. But she made me to meet her and it was really a pleasant memory for me. I met her elder brother, baabi, younger brother and youngest sister all together and I was feeling so comfortable to move with them.  I would have been with her for more than 2 hours and I made her to feel so bad in the first few minutes with my stupid questions but still she remained cool and in full control and made my day in a great way.

Thanks for the pleasant night dear, it is not so easy to make a family to feel comfortable with a stranger and a stranger to feel comfortable with your family. You did it and I know how much I mean to you. The way you would have discussed about me would have made them initially to feel that who is that crazy female who has taken the most of her time? Later, with the impression given by you would have made them to feel to see me. Finally we were able to feel comfortable because of the way you have discussed about them with me as well.

Whatever you do, you have a style in it and you have proved in this as well.  Over all I felt that day was great to me.

“The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.”

Malabar