Tag Archive | trust

Misunderstanding leads to trauma

Misunderstanding

It really hurts when good friends change by a small misunderstanding. When someone is so close to your heart and there is a routine with them from the sun rise to dawn. Whether the sun rises or not, good morning comes from them, whether you sleep or not, they will tell the good night and make you to sleep is the routine what they give in us.

This is a painful story that happened more than a year ago. I wanted to post this as an article and started to think and coin with words. Creating this required lot of responsibility within me as it is going to talk about the personal affair. Most of my article will be based on the true experience or based on someone’s experience, but this time I thought I have to share the pain which was in my mind and I thought it might help me to get an answer. I didn’t post because this might hurt the friend, but now everything is over and I thought it might help someone else to fix their misunderstanding. I could not meet or ask face-to-face which has given ever lasting pain in my heart.

I know, sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major drama…. But – really if they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you and you ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least then you have tried to sort it out.

Sometimes it really is the worst things that ruin friendships, and I know it does hurt. So try to sort it out with your friend, and best of luck……

A friend of mine and I had a huge misunderstanding that seemed to have a cruel life of its own. She is a friend who has grown into family.

My Close friend is angry with me because of a misunderstanding.

Actually my close friend is not talking to me because of a misunderstanding and she was not talking to me without telling me the reason and also she was not replying to my messages or not ready to pick my calls. She knows that if I don’t hear from her, I will become crazy. I was not able to do anything and I was not aware of what I should do?

I don’t know what my fault was and I was not harsh with her for any reason and even I have not tried to show my hard feeling to her.

It was not my fault at all and I know for sure that something she misunderstood or she deliberately avoiding me.

When I feel like I have to ask her why she is doing like this, she will talk to me and she will send the messages to me, when she feels like to talk or she will reply based on her mood.

I had words with few of my friends, they used to tell me she is very happy, normal and you are the one finding it too difficult. She neither thinks about you nor does she have the same feeling what you have for her or any sort of respect for your feelings. If she is your close friend or as you think her as important person in your life, she will at least reply to your messages or to your call.

Somehow my mind was not clear and I was very anxious to know the reason, ferocious for the rejection and feeling self-pity for my situation. Neither I was able to say get lost to her nor I was able to ask the reason for avoiding me. In a way I was feeling depressed and lost all the happiness of the world which was with me for so long years.

I want to clear this misunderstanding but she is not ready to talk to me. I tried my level best by calling her, texting her, mailing her etc., and all the means were in vain and I as not able to understand what the mistake was from my side.

In the mean time, birthdays came and I wished her and she cried, till now I don’t know the reason for her tears but when I think of that, my eyes will be filled with tears (not the crocodile tears).

She could not even return a call on my birthday was the worst feeling what she has given to me in my life. Without her call, I felt so embraced as the people around me started asking me whether she called you or not?

I know she can stay without talking with anyone for some reason for more than a day or for weeks also. As I know this vehement behavior of hers, I thought I will kill my ego and call her, but no response, text her, no response.

This really caused a trauma inside me as she kept on remained without talking to me for days and it became weeks. I felt so bad and she really stopped talking to me. As I have spent my morning till evening with her either through calls, or by texts or by mails, it was very difficult.

When someone avoids us, if we know the reason, either we can correct ourselves or the opposite person for their misunderstanding. At least if we know the reason, we can feel happy that the person is not worth of our love, care & affection.

She is not the only friend for me, but I have given that much control for her in my life in a short span of time. And that started hurting me. All other friends started to feel that as if I have done a sin in my life and started to tell me in various way.

These were the friends recommendations.

Well, if she is your best friend, she wouldn’t treat you like this. Is she your best/close friend? Does she has any respect for your affection?

I am sure you understand her well as she is your best friend, you can keep quiet for a while, but the time what you are giving is not for her to relax and let her to forget you.

But she forgets you, try your best to explain it to her and find her what is wrong with her or with you and why she stopped the communication? Treating her as a close friend and killing your peace of mind is not going to solve your problem and she is not worth of it was the comments from my friends.

Even after all your trials, If she doesn’t, it shows that she may be not your best friend or conceptually something is wrong in your friendship with her, I am not sure what is wrong. As I know you, I can say let her go and you start a new beginning was from another friend.

If there is any misunderstanding she should let you know what it is.

You go and meet her in person and ask her on her face what is the issue. It was easy for me to ask on her face but I was afraid that if there was no problem or whatever she says I will trust, if my trust goes in vain or if I get a feeling that she is telling lies to me, then how can I face her again – this is what was going in my mind.

Trust me, Best friends would forgive their best friends – if you consider her as a close friend and she also considers you as close to her heart, then there is nothing can stop in between you. You don’t need to forgive her or she doesn’t need to forgive her. This is just a small communication gap, go and meet her, find out what is hurting her.

This is because best friends who would understand us, knows everything about us, who will spend time to listen us, trust us and accept us to be their best friends as who we are. This is love of a best friend. With all misunderstandings only friendship grows and it is the only one way to have a lovely relationship with friends. If someone ill treats you, then you should know that the time has come to move on. Obviously they are not a good friend to begin with if you fall out or the friendship changes because of a small misunderstanding.

It certainly hurts, but life must go on. Think of it this way, it’s best that they are not a part of your life if they are going to fall out with you over something unimportant, what about when you go through worst time? Would they support you as a friend?

Good friends are far and few and if they are true, good-by heart then they will realize their mistake and they will apologize and try to sort it out amicably.

Now this unknown reason has become unknown and the small misunderstanding has become a huge misunderstanding and there is no way to make it alright. Finally after a year and half of trauma, I have to settle myself saying that it was meant to go and let it go and it has gone.

There is no one perfect in the world and don’t try to see the imperfection as perfect rather make someone to feel that your imperfection is perfect for them and then begin your friendship otherwise these hurts will continue in life…..

A friend who gives you an advice a day is better than one who puts a pound in your hand – These are all good for saying but in reality, people go for the one who gives a pound in the hand not for the advice or for the love, care and affection. This is the reality of today’s friendship. Friendship never dies only if it was in their heart but how to find out whether the friendship is real or reel only with the situations what we face in our life.

May be with my close friend – it was meant to die but it will stay in my heart as a scar till my last-minute.

Certainly when this happened I was crystal clear that my close friend is too good and there is some reason for avoiding me, but as the time passes, I really feel so many things. I was being in a trap and I have a lot of unanswered questions which will remain unanswered.

Misunderstanding – what happens after this misunderstanding ? will see in next

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Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

Hey Dear All,

I am not blogging this as a part of learning some religion or to follow some religion. I am sharing this because if you want to follow your own religion follow it from the heart. If something mentioned here is wrong, please take it as an opportunity to correct my wisdom on the given contents from any religions.

Don’t ever pretend or take the do-able content from your religion and don’t do or show off something  to give an impression to others that you are clear and clean by heart as the other feels that you are following your religion from heart.

Friendship is something which is very green and pleasant to everyone. Here and there some will come and do little harm, insult, but the best of all relationship is friendship, because it doesn’t have blood relationship. It is very usual for people to have friendships with others whom they interact with . Friendships can be formed through growing up in the same neighborhood, meeting at school, college, university, social gatherings , working environment, gym, pub, restaurant and via a number of other activities.

Friendship is something common among people, however there are different conceptions of it. Some common conceptions include the following: friends will always stick by your side, you can always rely on a friend, you can speak freely to your friend and tell them your problems, friends like you for who you are, etc. When people have personal problems such as disputes with their family members or if they need advice they usually turn to their friends.

Do you know why god has not gifted the art of reading others mind, because he wants us to have the privilege of trusting, understanding and have faith in others.

When you start telling lies to your friend, do you know how it hurts the other person? Even before telling lies, I told you I will be saying a part of my life story to you as a lie. I will not be true in one scenario. I didn’t tell any lies to you. That is called as Sincerity. I tried to give trust by all means but you failed to keep up the trust in any means.

When you hurt someone, I believe you should face her in a remorseful way to show that you never meant to hurt her. If I was in her shoes I would want to know everything that goes around me, and if I discover that my friend exposed something and I found that out from someone else I would really get aggravated and I would feel that my friend isn’t worth trusting. “ONCE A LIAR IS ALWAYS A LIAR”

Don’t lie to your friend: 
One thing it is HARAM, second she is trusting you so don’t betray that trust if you let her know now you have a better chance of being trusted again than you would if you keep lying.

FOLLOW WHAT EVER YOUR HEART TELLS YOU, DON’T DO SOMETHING THAT YOU MIGHT END UP IN REGRETTING.

I do regret because of trusting you in-spite of knowing that you are lying to me. Over again and again I trusted you. All my pain is because of the trust what I had in you and I have to suffer for trusting you to this level. Yes I deserve punishment from god. You made me not to trust anyone in my life.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

In Today’s fast world most common problem in human is cheating others easily or to make fun of someone true feelings. If you are not serious for anything then don’t such things. Cheating/Betrayal is very painful for everyone. After hell of pain and agony, I am saying the below to the fellow people.

I am neither a follower of Islam nor Christianity and I am true to my religion. Even we don’t need to follow any religion, but we should not do harm to anyone by any means. Harm – unknowingly we do hurt others, but knowingly hurting others and giving them pain is sin in all the religions. There is no compulsion in any religion. Right has become distinct from wrong. So whoever rejects evil and puts faith in God has grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks.

I believe that God is hearing, knowing, and loving us. We don’t need to depend on others, but very few will make us to depend on them in the name of love for fun and they will ruin others life. This is to make someone understand that what their religion says about lying.

During a course of chat conversation, she said, I didn’t lie anything to you to harm you. I agree with her, may be her assumption is right, but there is a trust created in me. It is getting killed by your false statement which you were not aware of it or what?

After reading the below also, if you feel that you are not a liar, I am ready to change my assumption of saying tahat you are liar/cheater for your sake, I will say to the world she is not a liar, she talks only truth, when I will say that, I will not be true to myself. But I am ready to accept that you are not a liar or a cheater.

Lying

cheat-us-islamLying is among the sins of the heart. It is to utter false information while knowing that what one is saying is not the truth. It is sinful (haram) whether done seriously or jokingly.

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, said:

La yasluhul-kadhibu fi jiddiw wala fi hazl.  Which means: “Lying is not good, whether in seriousness or joking.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, also said:   Iyyaka wal-kadhib, fa’innal-kadhiba yahdi ilal-fujur. Wa innal-fujura yahdi ilan-nar. Wala yazalul-^abdu yakdhibu wa yataharral-khadhiba hatta yuktaba ^indallahi kadhdhaba.

Which means: “Do not ever lie, because lying leads to very hateful sins, and those in turn lead to Hellfire. One keeps on lying and seeks to do that until one is recorded as a liar in some books of Allah.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah.)

After reading the above tell me, to whom you were sincere?? I don’t need to explain on this because when we tell lies, it means that you are killing the trust what the other person has on you. It need not harm them, but it is not going to help them or make them happy. When someone tells you, you look beautiful even though it is not from heart, that is not a lie, it makes someone happier for that moment. Telling someone a lie which is not going to harm them, or not going to have an impact on them, but still it is a kind of betrayal because the other person has so much trust on you that you will not tell any lies to her.

Trust, faith are something’s which you can’t get from someone without love. When someone trust you, you have to try to keep up the trust and not to misuse the trust. I showed my trust and faith because of the love what I had for you. Even though you have lived all your life only with lies, I have given more trust and trust and poured the faith, but failed to get even one percent of truth from you.

There are many things that are among the sins of the tongue and fall under the class of lying. They include: swearing by Allah to a lie, false testimony, and falsely attributing something to Allah and His Prophet.

When you promised something to me in the name of god, I was not able to feel it as a truth, because you are born to tell only lies. By swearing-in the name of god, you made me to feel that it need not a truth and made me to feel that even in the name of god she will tell lies. That is the trust what you have given to me. I swear, I got an impression, she will do any harm in the name of god also and she will say it is not harm.

Swearing by Allah to a Lie:

It is one of the major sins. It is for one to swear by Allah to something that is opposite to the truth. An example is if one says, “By Allah, I did such and such” while knowing that one did not do that action. Similarly, if one says, “By Allah I did not do such and such” when one has done it. This is to be considered using God’s name in vain, which indicates falling short of glorifying Allah properly.

I do believe that you will not lie in the name of god but when you say 10000 lies, even a truth in the name of god becomes a false statement.

False testimony: This is one of the enormous sins. An example is for one to testify in front of a judge that someone stole something while one knows that it did not happen. “False testimony is like claiming that Allah has partners.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

Because of all your lies, now I feel even a true testimony from you whether it will be a truth or false statement? How do you expect me to trust you?

Severing the Obligatory Ties of Kinship

Severing the ties of kinship is among the sins of the body, and it is a major sin. This is done by breaking the hearts of the relatives by refusing to be good-hearted when they financially need money, or by leaving out visiting them without an excuse. If one usually helps one’s relatives, then one lost the money, or one found a more urgent need for it, then one would not be sinful for not offering it to one’s relatives. Avoiding people because they did something wrong to you or they tried to correct your mistakes or they treated you badly.

I don’t need to say about this, when one of your colleague was giving a party and the way you avoided it shows what kind of Muslim you are? When you can do this kind of arrogant attitude with a fellow Muslim lady, I can expect that you will do any kind of harm to me as I am from a different religion. When I heard it, I felt so bad because the way I had the trust in you, I thought you will not do these kind of silly things. How could you do this? whatever you discussed with me were words from your mouth not from heart.

Promotions are decided by the people who are ahead of us and if we don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve it, god wanted someone else to get benefit out of it. You were saying that what is there I will get it when it is destined to me.. Now even if you get it doesn’t going to make anyone happy because the way you reacted to others happiness, will impact yours as well. I know you will not mind it because only humans will have

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allaah is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing.” [Quran 2:263]

I know how much I have forgiven you and tried to hold you not with hands, but with love and care, but you spoiled not only my trust but also killed my each and every cell with your ill attitude and behavior. I really don’t know how your parents will take when they hear about you from others, but I was brutally killed and I don’t feel like I have to live or to love anyone. You made me a dead body. I have life, but living like a dead body in grief because of the love for you.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood – God is with me, that’s why he made me to realize all your colors and made me to feel that this is a punishment for loving, trusting, caring, and showing the real affection to a person who don’t deserve it.

 Imām `Alī ibn Husayn (a.s.),

used to say to his son:“Keep away from little and big lies whether you are serious or kidding! Whoever tells lies in childhood, will do so in adulthood.”  Do you not know that the Messenger of Allāh (s.w.t) has said:
‘A servant may keep on speaking truthfully until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very truthful one, and a servant may keep on telling lies until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very lying one.’

[Reference: Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 69, p. 234]

To Speak the TRUTH, you don’t need to follow any RELIGION, just you need to follow your HEART. I quoted the above from your religion because you wrapped yourself saying that you are following your RELIGION and as per your Religion – how you need to be and what you are? You are not true even to god 😦 . 

Whatever I have given here are just to say that this is what you have to do, there is lot many more to come in your life and don’t give them the same pain. I am saying all these as  vent out all my pain, caused by you, without doing any harm to you. Even this is to guide you, to make you right in your way. If god can help you to correct your way, I will be thankful to him. I know I can’t do it, but god has to talk to you in a way so as you can change yourself. Of course he will touch you, if you don’t listen to him, he will shake you, if you don’t listen, then he will take the root so as you will know what you are doing is right or wrong.

Even after reading all this family values, if you say that you have a family value, oh god, what kind of value it is , please make me to understand it…..

Grief – Pain of Death

What is Grief?

Grief is the term used to describe emotional responses to major losses. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are all terms used to describe the same thing: the intense pain that follows the loss of a loved one.

I remember this word was told by my best friend recently and she said to me, you are not shedding your tears for the one who cheated you, but you are grieving for your lost child. Yes she was correct. I would have taken the grief also happily, if the kid would have died but it killed everyone and it is enjoying its life.

Most shameful thing is that one for whom I am killing  me(my happiness, peace, health, wealth, good habits) also asked me a question, if I die what will you do? I told her, I am not a Muslim to pack my grief in 3 days and we will have grief for one year and at least I will have deep pain for a year. but I didn’t know that before her death itself she will give that pain to me.

I know I was attending my own funeral by killing my happiness

This time I am not going to write about someone who is living, and this is about someone who will live in the hearts of many/ those who know him.

Senthil MariappanA Supply chain management consultant whom I know through my ERP network and I have not seen him during his life time, who has considered me as his sister and we used to chat a lot before and after his marriage. Due to work pressure and work tension and other unwanted association, I stopped most of my communications with many good hearts and Senthil was one among them.

Today I regret for not chatting with him during the last 1 year time. Most of the time, I used to communicate with almost those who are known to me and I don’t keep too much gap in my communication.

Due to the restrictions of the Gmail access and other social networking access in most of the companies, I have not seen him in online for long time and I am not very good in calling and speaking to my friends. I prefer to have the networking only through Gtalk or through Facebook. I do call those who used to pick their phone to reach me. Somehow we didn’t develop this kind of communication within us. I regret for not doing this my friend.

I have constant communications with his friends and I have asked about this guy with another friend also.

Suddenly a new ID, asked for permission to add me, I thought it is from a person who made me stupid by all means as I am expecting something from him. So added and asked a rough question who is this?  He asked “Do you know Senthil, I told him I know many Senthil as my brother’s name is Senthil, a friend from Abu Dhabi is Senthil, and couple of more people as Senthil from ERP network.

Even before answering my question he said, he passed away in Andaman. I was shocked and he pasted the local newspaper content.News paper confirmed it happened on 17th March. Tears were flowing like anything because of thinking about his wife who was married two years back. There are some ugly characters living in this world, but god likes only good hearts. He gives more pain to those who are good and takes good people to his kingdom who are very soft and good.

I was shattered; I was unable to believe that he is no more. I was not able to believe it, but the newspaper message said that it is him and it has shown the license copy of my friend. He died because of a heart attack and at the age of 31. Oh god, you are giving stone heart to some people and so soft heart to good people? what is this my lord? why are you playing like this?

There are people who are asking you for death, there are people who are sinners, who are cheaters, who are betrayers, who live and suck others blood like an animal, and this guy is so soft, a good heart person and why you wanted his life to end so soon?

Anyway I was grieving for something and god is showing that these kind of things are happening in the world, don’t worry, good deeds and bad deeds doesn’t come with others deeds. It is based on their own deeds only.

Grieving Losses – Grieving the loss of someone whom we love will be there in our heart for a long very long period and it is very painful process. But there is still hope. That we will cope up and come back to normal.

Grieving from a loss and healing from that loss require one to examine and re-examine the place of a loved one or a relationship. This process, the grief stages, of getting used to life without someone close to you can take over a year to work through. Experts have compared the death of a child, for example, to what it feels like to lose a limb. It gets easier to cope as time goes on, but it still takes a long time to work through the stages of grieving.

It’s easy to formulate a theory or a process for your grief to work through; however, actually working through those stages of grieving proves much more difficult. We may have a lot of method to grief, and each method looks different for each person.

After all, some steps in the healing process are easier than others—some days are easier than others. Your relationship with your loved one was unique (as like her name); expect you’re grieving to be unique. The way of hurt is also unique, very deep and it is very difficult to get healed, but god has shown the ways.

My grief was not in coping with death which allows you to meet really supportive people, but the death of someone inside the heart. But this death of my friend really made me to feel that why should I grieve because god has not taken that life, and even if it happens I will not feel heartache this much because I know that she is an unworthy person.

This death of my friend has given me a lesson that I have to be supportive to those who lost him as a mentor, the person who shared this news with me has got my mail id from my friend(Senthil) saying that she is my sister, send your CV to her, she will help you.

Somehow this new friend has not shared his CV with me, but when I got the friend request from him, I was really in a different mood and I was feeling that someone is going to get killed by me.

Bereavement requires a grief support group. Somehow I have an aversion of death and I used to get ready for the people around me about their death well in advance so as I can take it up when I face the situation.

As you work through the death of a loved one, you need a place where you can vent, where you can be honest about grief and your emotions, and where you can move through the grief stages without fear or regret.

If we get ready to get the support for the grief, it can provide a really support of friends who identify with you at a very deep level. They can move beyond showing you sympathy to really empathizing with you. I can say that I got lot of support to come out of the grief, unfortunately I was not able to come out of the grief and the situation how I was has become grief to many people around me. With the existing pain I was in deep pain because all the lovable people around me are also suffering because of me.

Will I ever see my loved one again?” The bonds forged by shared experiences are the strongest bonds. And, as you struggle to find meaning in death and dying, realize you’re not alone.

Sometimes, the sadness may be an opportunity for us to return to faith in God or involvement in our religious system. The belief in an afterlife can really ease our minds when it is for others but when it comes to loss of family members or the death of a child it is really a difficult task to handle.

I was killing myself for the death of my unborn child is really painful because, it was not born to me, but it was in front of me, it was not my adopted child, it was not of my blood  and I just felt the feeling of a child through her and how could I come out of this heavenly feeling?

She is alive and I have to consider her as dead. How to grief for the one who is alive and need to feel that she is dead? How to control myself with this feeling? What kind of death you have shown to my kid god? Why did you give that feeling through her? If I don’t grief for this then for what I could grief and I will not be called as a human because I don’t show my grief out for any other things other than the people hurting me in this way.  

Normally When I grieve for someone deeply, I will think 100 times and Iw ill come out faster. This time my grief is not only because of the death of my child, but also because of self-pity and I was not able to forgive myself for allowing someone to play with my feelings and sentiments

What is the purpose of grief in our life? The other name of mine is Hope and Encouragement. The way I give my hope and encouragements are from me, and it is not from their strength, it is from my strength, I am giving them the life of hope.

My word of hope creates encouragement in them and they find the hope in front of their eyes through me. To give others hope, I must have the hope of living and leading the life happily. I can’t tell someone smile from heart, when I don’t smile. When I say something to others I have to follow and I don’t like to tell someone which I don’t follow. I am a follower and not a preacher.

Finding God and Your Grieving – Anything under God’s Control is never out of control, God will make a way even though there seems to be no way!

May of my friends suggested me to enter into spirituality, but for me it is a big problem that I can even think about god, when I am not happy. That means I pray to god only when I am happy and I can’t go to him to cure my pain or sorrow. It is not the time to embrace my god, because he knows that I am weak if he gives me trouble. He knows my strength, he knows my weakness, and if he is giving me some pain means, he knows that I need the strength to overcome this and he knows when to give that strength also to me.

I beg for others to god not for my weakness because that weakness was given by god, why should I go and beg him saying that give me strength. I will say, I know you are the creator, you are the screen play writer, you wanted me to go through this pain, I don’t know how long I have to go through this, but give me the serenity to understand that “Even this will pass away”. I am very weak mentally and only with you I am a very strong woman. You are my strength, I trust in you and I move with your guidance. Do whatever you want to do with me. If this is your wish and play, let me enjoy and suffer it.

You want me to curse someone, let me do it, you want me to feel someone as very bad human of this world, let me feel it, but don’t make me to hate her. If you say that, then there is no use of all my grief. I know god, with great difficulty only you made me to come out of that hell. But still why did you allowed me to enter into the hell.

The Hold books are real, authentic, genuine book– filled with the stories and thoughts of real people. I don’t prefer to get into religious sentiments when I am sad because our mind will not allow us to get in touch or to feel the divine.

I know it helps to convince us that our grief is just in our head. Your grief is real, your pain is actual, and there’s still the opportunity for true healing.

If you consider most prominent people from religious front, their life was filled with sorrow, much of their life they will be betrayed, cheated, or wanted to be killed by his opponents, close friends cheating, family taking revenge, but they will be able to devote their time to god. Somehow I have not come to that situation to devote my time to god because I was holding the unwanted things in my hand, head, heart…

To end whatever I am, it is the glory of my beloved parents, friends, siblings, family, surroundings and the heavenly father. I know only one thing is that I don’t go with the wind, but I go with guidance of my god. My trust and faith in you can’t be shattered because of this kind of painful moments. I know you will help me to recover, but it really took long time as I have not spent that much time also with her.

They all have turned me from my mourning into smiling, of course dancing is not possible and I lost every charm of my life with one world. 

God has put off my black days and hugged me with gladness through different and new people, when I was holding the pain of my life and in deep grief. Thanks for the support.

I praise the god for giving the serenity in marvelous splendid way to accept the truth and not to go silent to the cemetery.  Thank you for giving me the realization that I was digging my own burial ground and giving me the clarity that I am not for that. I thank you for providing so many wonderful hearts around me and sincerely praying to you to guide all of them in their special way and keep all of them under your shadow and within the reach of my heart.

Family Value-3 Thanks giving

Family values continues…

Thanks Giving…. This is one of the biggest things that the parents have to teach the kids.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. 

It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. 

One of the best ways to show your real feelings even to the strangers is thanks giving. I don’t know how I learned it, but I learned it at very young age. Thanks will make a stone heart also to smile. Of course it is applicable only human and not applicable to wild animals. Thanks is the beautiful flower that blossom springs from the soul.

I remember that I used to travel in cycle rickshaws from the main bus terminus to my house. A person will pedal the cycle rickshaw, two to four people can travel from one place to another place. It still exists in our area but with some modern amenities, now the person is not required to pedal, they used to fix it with some motors in it.

We used to pay the money, but I used to say thanks to that guy every day. One day I traveled alone and he asked me what is there to say thanks, you are paying and I am dropping you in the place where you want to go.

Money is for the work what you have done, thanks is for the way you dropped me safely. When I say thanks, I see the smile in your face. That smile means a lot to me. After that I used to say thanks to almost all the drivers and I have seen lot of smiles in this way. It helps me to get closer to them and it helps me to give an impact in them that I have respect for their work. It means that I give respect to them as a human. It is a quality of humanitarian.

I follow the same with almost with all and mostly with the labors and when I think this now, from where I got it, I feel that it is from my parents only. They used to do it, but they didn’t teach me. This was not taught by someone and if at all I have to say that I learned it from one of my teacher under whom I studied my class 5 and 6.

She didn’t teach that we used to say thanks to everyone. I learned it from her by seeing her way of approach to the office boys and the non-teaching staffs in the school. When a guy brings the attendance book, she will say thanks and every day I have seen her saying thanks to one or the other. It is inclusive of the students who used to bring the chock pieces. (Usha Rajaraman was her name) I am sure that I learned to say thanks 28 years back.

Most of my friends used to say that I am a good observer and many like me for the way I used to observe the things happening around me without socializing with them. Most of my teenage friends know how sharp I was in getting the information without talking to them.

I used to observe both the good and bad from others and I take the good and try to correct the bad of them. Thanks giving I observed from that teacher and till today I follow it whole heartedly. Especially when someone does something even with little effort I will say my sincere thanks to them. This applied to the office boy from whom we get a cup of tea or my friends helping me with their support.

Why I took this as a subject is when you like someone, the good things of them will have some impact in you. People, who are very close to my heart or those who feel me as close to their heart, will have the impact of my love and care in them. I am really surprised to see you because the way you were with me, I am sure there was something in me would have made you to become so close.

In anger I can say that you tried to be so close with me or cheated me with a motivation but am sure that something impressed you. Why I am surprised is I really feel bad that not even 1% of my goodness has touched you and what made you to feel so impressed with me? How can you be so cruel in your life? Or how I was so careless in identifying your real color? I am answerable to god for the talent what he has given me, I have to understand whether I move with human or with animal and I have to treat the human like a human and an animal like an animal only.

Even now I say thanks to you because for giving this much pain, because I was praying to god to give me the serenity and I want to get rid of the worldly life. Now no one can come closer to my heart as I am so scared to allow someone to it. But my basic and inborn character of showing love to human will not change, but this will be in a different way. I learned to know that there are people without humanitarian also.

Mostly I have to thank you very much. I don’t have any words to say my sincere thanks to my wonderful Sweet Adorable Darling. Only because of you my life has become full and only because of you I have become zero.

When people used to ask me, you are missing something as a woman, I used to tell them, yes, you are right that I missed, I am missing it or I will be missing it. It is your perspective and in your eyes I miss it but as a woman, I can love all around me as like a mother. It is a great blessing and those who have felt it has shared it with me and I don’t need to share it only with my own blood. I don’t live for the worldly sake, but I live my life for the world sake.

The time I was about to post one of my colleague who is younger to me by 12 years, I scolded him and said sorry for scolding you. Immediately he replied saying that you can scold me, you are like my sister or mother. So I don’t need to go and search people and people are around me to give that feeling and comfort. You are the only one who will not love/like the people for what they are and who want them only for your time without making them understand what you are.

I heard it from so many people  used to tell me that  you are doing like a mother, sister etc., but I never felt the motherhood with any of them. It is really unfortunate for me, because they would have felt so happy at least if I would have made them happy by acknowledging their feelings. I don’t know whether it is my mistake to feel that special feeling with you or god’s mistake in creating you like this wild creature.

We often take for granted that very things that most deserve our gratitude.

Normally people will thank to god, for giving them a new day, but I thank god before going to bed for giving me a wonderful day as today and say that I don’t know whether tomorrow is my day or not because only when I wake up, I will know that day is mine or not, but when I go to bed, I know for sure that the day has ended.

I hope you remember that I used to say that my last message in the night I want it to be for you. Because I don’t know whether I will be able to say Good morning to you the next day or not.

Thanks to god for giving me the serenity through you. He showed me the greatest feeling what I never felt like missing in my life and I never felt also. I was happy without feeling it and I was happy when I felt it and even now am happy after throwing it out of me.

May be god showed you in my eyes and gave the greatest feeling just to feel that in my later part of life, I should not regret that I missed it during my young age. Now I say thanks to god that I am happy that I don’t have a kid. It is better not to have a kid like you.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. I tried to live by this words with you, but it is easy to practice this with human and very hard to practice with those who live like humans. There is difference between the human and like humans.

Whatever pains, I have got that is the biggest punishment from god only for whatever has happened in my life. I am very happy to take it as a lesson of my life and move ahead without giving any room for such feeling with anyone else.

Thanks giving is possible only for those who have strong memory and who take time to remember; No one can give thanks who has a very poor memory or a person like you with short-term memory loss.

Saying thanks in a way says that you give respect to the fellow-men. – Respect – will continue…..

Family values love

Women’s Day -2013

My Dear Brothers,

We don’t need your wishes, we don’t need flowers, we don’t need chocolates, we don’t need your love, we don’t need your care and we don’t need your protection.

I am really ashamed to wish happy women’s day because “Seven out of ten women sexually harassed”. Where is the happiness to celebrate the womanhood? If you all have become Robin Hood to give protection and secured feeling to the women, then there is a meaning to celebrate the women’s day.

What we need from you?

We are human and not an animal or a thing to be used and thrown out of your life. What kind of society in which we are living?

One of my friends was telling me that blood is always thicker than water. I don’t understand the meaning of it. I am really feeling so sick when something happens to some female through a father/brother/husband. If a father/brother/husband can do these kinds of activities, then all the harassment’s against women will never stop.

A father is not behaving like a father and a brother does not know the meaning of blood relationship.  Every family feels that the husband is like the savior for a female and a father has the role of lovable mother, a brother needs to know that his sister is his own blood and equal to a mother.

How cheaply a female is being ruined. What is happening to the society? I am not blaming all my brothers are wrong or all my friends are bad people. 

Here and there we used to hear couple of news in a year, but now the revolution is happening against women. Now it is happening not here and there but every now and then. Where are we leading to? Rape of 3 years old? 7 years old, 11 years old? Are they human? How can they do it to a small child? Even to have the pleasure of sex, don’t they need someone who is up to that level?

Why is it happening?

Lot of freedom to women is the cynical answer from the male chauvinist guys. What kind of freedom? Who asked this freedom? Who are you to give freedom to me? As like you we are also born in 10 months.

When some evil things comes in your mind, please tell your mind that there is a sister, mother and wife at home, what if someone like you thinks about them in the same way as your evil mind thinks?

This women’s day wishes I am dedicating it to the all the men who tried to help me to recover me from my all the pains and struggles of my life in the last 5-6 months. I have to say thanks to those who were supporting me all through my life. Almost all the time most of my friends (including females) were behind me and supported me in all the struggles.

Most of the women in the society speak to you in a fear only, don’t give that fear to them and let them know that there some near and dear one’s to protect her, care her and to provide the dignity what she deserves.

I am taking this women’s day as special and thanking all the men who gave the honor and made me to feel proud of myself by giving me the required respect, love, care and concern.

There are some nasty guys, let them also know that women are not for pleasure or for the sexual need of a man. Please know the difference between LOVE and lust.

PLEASE JOIN YOUR HANDS AND TEACH THOSE WHO ARE WITH YOU TO TREAT ALL THE WOMEN WITH RESPECT, LOVE and CARE.

When you give the honor, you get the honor. When you give the love, you will get the love, when you protect women, faith and trust are born. You are also protected by god.

When a female feels that she is safe with her friend without saying that you are like my brother or father then that is the real freedom. Please give us the freedom to live our life as you are living without any fear of life.

Ideally from this women’s day I wish to salute all the men who lead the way for the women empowerment, women education, women employment, women entrepreneur and etc.,. I thank those who stand with women and saying to the world that “with women we are growing stronger and we are not becoming weaker”.

Family Values

Hello my dear wrong member,

There is a lovely song in Tamil, hello my dear wrong number, but not applicable to you because you are a wrong member in my heart. Anyways no fun with you and you are really a wrong member only. Whatever you have said, has a great impact in me and the reason for the family values to come out from my heart is because I was not able to question you, what it is?

I don’t know where to start or how to start about the values of family. Even with tears, I was smiling on that day when I read your message but that was not a smile as I used to smile with you normally, a sarcastic smile and you don’t know how I was on that day and was in full tension when we were having the SMS chat on 25th January 2013. I was unable to control my emotions and the way you were responding, if you were in front of my eyes, that would have been the last day for both of us irrespective of you being a stranger or my kid.

I was lying in my bed and I was not able to keep my body in rest and literally I was above two inch from bed and my body was jumping out of high pressure… Whole body was shivering and the way my heart was beating and thought am counting my last breaths, even then I was trying to be soft and polite with you. But you showed your arrogance even after doing such kind of activities.

If this activity was done by my own blood, I would not have felt this much. only my hands and legs would have spoken to her/him. I would have slapped left and right like anything, because I have those rights to do it with my blood. I can say for sure that my blood will not do it. Do you know what could be the worst thing in a mother’s life? “Someone saying that your kid has done spoiled my life or someone’s life”. To be honest whatever I heard should have been heard only by your parents and they have to feel like how I was feeling, but god gave me that punishment for feeling you as my kid.

The way I have shown my love, care, trust and the way I have given the respect to you, nobody in the world can give it for what you are. I don’t know whether to regret for this or to feel happy that god made it to realize your color so soon.

What is the use of saying how I was or how am I? It is not going to impact the wall or an animal. It wants its own happiness.

Let me come to the topic. What you said on that day? Your family has values and you will not go beyond certain limits? What a joke my dear? What kind of value does your family has?

I am not saying or giving anything bad about your family because I know to give respect even to my enemy, but I really want to know what your family values are?

Do you know who will talk about others values, those who doesn’t have any self-values will carry others values on their shoulders?

Do you know what family values are?  How do you decide your family values? Have your elders or anyone at home taught what family values are? Ideally nobody teaches it and it has to grow in each and every person. Even if they would have taught you, are you following any of it? Do you know how you have to keep up your family values? Do you really know what you mean in a family?  

Family Values are a traditional set of social ethics or standards defined by the family and a list of customs that give the emotional and physical basis for raising a family.   As an Indian, our social values are often strengthened by our spiritual or religious beliefs and traditions.  It is defined as the quality which adds worth of living a life.  Do you think you add value to your family? If you say that your family still has some values, then I will feel that your family doesn’t have any values at all.

In spite of my so much tension, I wanted to ask you what your family values are.  But I didn’t because I know that you can’t answer it. If I don’t ask this question to you in my life, God will not forgive me. I can’t forgive myself. What else you want to do and say that your family has values?

Hey am not asking it as fun, I am serious and very curious to know what your family values are? Please answer at least to this question.

In most of the family, values are rules or ideals that as a family, we agree to live by and stay true to it. We follow it as a tradition. We share our love, we share our care and concern, we tend to help others, and we move politely with others, we live in harmony, we give respect to each other and we fight with each other.

When I started this topic , I am smiling because neither you have values nor you have values for your family. If so, you will not call me when they are not around you and will not disconnect that call abruptly without telling me the reason. Only your messages will inform me that your father came home or your brothers came back from work or from prayers. Don’t you think that you are cheating not only your family but also hurting the other person?

If they are not happy you can directly say it to me rather than maintaining a false relationship. To satisfy whom you were doing this? Do you know how much it will hurt all the parties? Initially I thought really your family has some values. I mean they are strict and you are following your religion sincerely. That time itself, I should have come to conclusion that there is no ethics or values especially from you for your family. I have not done it because I know to share not only love but also to give respect to the other person.

I am not condemning about your family as I don’t know anything about others. May be they all know what it is and tried to teach you as well, but as like me they also failed in all their attempts.

Having strong well-defined family values helps the base for a robust, tight-knit family. Family values are very important in building trust and confidence in each family member.

I don’t want to talk about your family values or ethics as I can say negatively more about you in volumes. Let us not worry about who you are what is your family values and everything. Let’s see the basic things of a family values…

Slide-182Family values are the foundation for how children need to grow, taught and supported. I am not going to stop with one word as family values, I am going to say a lot about family values.

You really got hurt when I said that you change your character before praying or asking or demanding or feeling for a baby, even now I am telling the same, try to find out what is family values so as you can teach your children grow with family values. Your kids also will follow you and poor people like me with real morals will get hurt because of this kind of uncultured civilizations.

I have taken all my failures as stepping stones for my success and I never carry the stones on my shoulder whether it is my mistake or others mistakes I used to make it as channel to learn and move ahead.

I have told you this is what I am and I have not shown my Violet, Indigo, Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Brown, and Black to you… I have only one color real white color and I show the same white when it is love and when I hate also it is the white color.

The way I used to fire people around me, only god knows how I used to show my anger, but I have changed with time and it happens with everyone. I never tried to control my emotions, but with you the more I tried to suppress the more I got hurt.

In your case, I really got hurt because of the feeling what I had for you otherwise I will not consider any of your words as words also because I give importance only to those who are real and true. I considered each and every words of you like the first words of my kid. That was my mistake only. I should not blame you for that because you were not knowing how I was thinking about you :(.

When some stone hurt me, I will not try to take the stone on my shoulder, I will throw the stone to the one who was trying to hit with that. It is my ethics, if I get love, I give it back 100 folds, if I get hatred also I will return it with 100%.  Only difference is I was not able to show that hatred and I tried to correct instead of correcting myself. We are not supposed to go nearer to a wild animal, which knows only to hurt those who come close to it.

With you, I don’t understand whether it is my mistake, or sin or punishment from god or best feeling or worst feeling and I am really stunned and don’t know what to do also with those good hearts around me.  I was not able to trust any good hearts around me  because of you. This is one of the biggest sin by you and you will never be able to clear it from your life.

Instead of giving this much pain to me, you could have killed me. Relationship never dies on its own, it used to be murdered by ego, attitude and arrogance, without respect, without love, without care… You are the one who can do all of it together, still am surviving because of my own good deeds.

I know what my family values are and I knew it through my friends and outside circle how they see me. Every day I feel proud when one or the other friend used to say that we are blessed to have you as my friend. My family also will feel proud because of the name what I have from my external circle.

There are so many friends who used to say me that they are proud of my parents for giving such a good friend to them. They have seen the humanity in me and they used to say that it has to come from your blood and you are blessed to have great parents. Yes I am and I thank god at this point of time for making me to realize that both of them are so good.

I am not the one who takes my family value and go behind it; I am of the one who add value to my family as well as to my friends. If you want you can go and check with my friends and each one will tell their experiences with me in highly respectable manner. I used to ask you tell me your friends, I will check with them how you are? But now, if someone wants to know about your value, ask them to check it with me or read my blog.

Oh God, I have to curse you(god) for creating such a creature and showing her in front of my eyes. What for you have shown her and made me to feel the best feeling through her. Is it only to suffer like this? Every second I am dying in pain.

Nobody in the world will pray for their death, even 70 years old or 90 years old wanted to live their life but at 37 I want my life to end and when I step out of my flat, I say to myself, please god, do some miracle and hit me or make me to die without hurting others.

Still I will say that let death hug me when I am happy..  I used to tell him don’t spoil my parts and let it live before I die, I want to make people live and I want to live even after my death. I have to give my organs, give me a death where my brain can get injured or I can go to coma stage and I can’t survive but I can make some others to survive.. Even after death I want to live in others.

Hope god will take my life as soon as possible for showing you in front of my eyes. If god has some mercy on me, he will help me to overcome this.

I have just touched what comes from family values are Love, Respect, Trust, Thanks, Communication and many more things are there, If I don’t stop now, it will go on. Let us see one by one slowly.

Family Values Continues……

The Life of Pi

02nd March’2013, Dubai,  The Life of Pi – A lesson learnt from the movie….

I will not watch this movie even for the hype what it has got or for the Oscars what it has won. But I watched this movie because of two people and I have to thank both of them in my life for giving me a lesson of life. I enjoyed first 25 minutes of this movie like anything and I think I will watch it every day at least that 30 minutes.

A simple movie with nothing inside but it is a fortune wheel of wisdom for me. I will not criticize or give some review about this movie. What made me to feel this movie as special or what is the lesson that I learned out of this movie?

By reading all my previous articles, one come to a conclusion how I was and what I was? Literally a mad person, gone crazy and was ready to die at any point of time.

My Ex-boss, who is  really a blessing for me in all the phases of life because he is a person who knows me very well and we have great respect for each other. He is a mentor, philosopher and a guide to me and I really admire him for the way he used to guide me. He will not advise me as he knows that I don’t listen to anyone. But he will suggest me to read some novels, or to watch some movie or to listen some content. That will guide me what I have to do. As he knows that I was mentally disturbed, he asked me watch this movie. Initially I thought that he is asking me to watch because of the hype, but he said that “you must watch this movie”. Normally he used to say that you have to watch and when he said you must, I promised him that I will watch because of the respect what I have for him. Unfortunately I didn’t get time to watch it when I was in India.

After coming to UAE, I didn’t get any company as all my friends have watched it earlier. I shifted myself to Dubai and new project, new place, new accommodation, new friends and I thought Life of Pi, will be seen by me during my retirement planned movies only.

Zara is my new friend whom I know only for the last 3 weeks but spent quite a long time with her.  Yesterday I came back home after a long day of journey with my friends from Abu Dhabi and I entered around 12.15 midnight and was feeling sick because of flu.

She was feeling so fresh and asked have you seen Life of PI I told her no, Immediately  She said, you must watch this movie and I want to watch this movie with you can we watch life of pi together? I was surprised to hear it because of the time what we have spent is very less. My boss said that you must watch and she also said that you must watch it.

She saw the movie in French version and said to me let us watch the English version together. I was tired because of a long day, but she said just watch 20 minutes of the movie and it talks about you. It will be interesting for you and you will like the movie very much. It has something for you. Above all She said that only you came to my mind while watching this movie and she said couple of words as Hindu Catholic, the way you talk about Islam, I laughed a lot and asked her what is there in it.

I remembered my friend Anantha’s word that you will never say that you are tired or sick. I told her let us watch 10 minutes and not more than 20 minutes, I don’t think I can sit and watch the full movie tonight. She said ok you see only 10 minutes.

We started to watch the movie and the movie started with Pondicherry. A day before that we were talking about Pondicherry and all my friends were telling her that it was a French colony and even now the area has the impact of French people.  Zara told me that Pondicherry means Beach of Darling.

I don’t read the reviews and watch any movies as I don’t want to have any expectations about the movie. Same way Life of PI has got lot of hypes but I have not read any review and I was not aware that the movie starts with the background of India or Pondicherry.

The movie started with lullaby song and story starts from Pondicherry. A mother was telling a story to her son about Lord Krishna. It is a cute story and the way the boy listens to the mother was very nice. A small bet with his elder brother to drink the holy water from a church for Rs.2 is another nice shot in the movie to make the small boy to keep his feet in another religion.

He will see the Jesus Christ in the cross and a question from that small boy to the church father “ Why would the god send his own son to suffer for the sins of the ordinary people”. It is really a beautiful question and the answer was God Loves us and god made himself as approachable to us, so we can understand him. We can’t understand his knowledge but we can understand him through his son.

Next dialogue in the movie is it is non-sense and sacrificing the innocent for the sins of others what kind of love is that, wow it struck me like anything.  I really got enlightened with this sentence. 

I was feeling that I am carrying the other person’s wrong attitude, arrogant behavior and sin on my shoulder and I was feeling it as burden. I am not Jesus and I am not god’s daughter to carry others sin’s on my shoulder. I can try to correct them, but if they don’t want to correct themselves and ruin their life, why should I carry them on my shoulder and why should I haunt myself for it. Next minute I realized that how fool I was and why should I take it in the name of love or hatred or anger in my shoulders? I left it to god and  started feeling relaxed.

This small boy was so perfect with his next question, if god is so perfect and we are not, why would he wanted to create all this?

Same question raised in my mind when someone hurt me so badly, why did he create such a creature and why did he introduce her in front of my eyes? I do have the answer with me for introducing me, but still creating her as such a bad person for which I don’t have the answer.

I enjoyed a dialogue very much in this movie was when the boy will touch the feet of Vishnu and say thank you for introducing me to Christ. It shows how the Hindus are adaptable or amicable and to pray with other religion. Faith is through Hinduism, Love is through Christianity and god has not finished with him yet.

Suddenly the small boy will get enlightened about Islam and he will start praying at home as like a Muslim guy. He will do Namaz at home, he will start feeling serenity of brotherhood through Islam. His elder brother will make fun of him. Are you going to Mecca this year Swamy Jesus, or to Rome. Father will say to this little boy that you cannot follow 3 religions at the same time, and the immediate question why not? And the answer I don’t feel it as realistic “ Believing in everything at the same time is same as not believing in anything at all”.

Mother will support the small boy by saying that he is young and trying to find his way, father will ask how he can find a way when he doesn’t chose a path.

There was a sentence in the movie as Religion is darkness, I can’t accept that, because Religion is not darkness, it creates brightness if we try to understand the essence of what it is saying it to us. Love, Faith, Trust, Honesty are the ways of life in a disciplined way.

Again the small boy will play with a piece of meat in his hand and will try to make the tiger to come closer without understanding its power. During that time, son will say I was trying to say hello to the tiger with an innocent face. The father will teach a lesson to the son,Tiger is an Animal and you cant have love for an animal. Son will say Animal also has souls. Animals do not think as we do, people who forget that get themselves killed. That tiger is not your friend, when you see his eyes, your own emotions reflected back again nothing else and it was really the best sentence for me to learn my next  lesson  from this movie. It is not meant only for animals, it is meant for some humans who live like animals. I enjoyed this movie up to this part like anything. After this is it didn’t impress me. May be as I got the required information what I need to get on this particular time.

Towards the end, the last scene with the tiger was really touching, the emotions of a man and an animal was described so beautifully and it really touched me like anything. The way I was feeling with a human, but still not to be considered as human. When the boy was rescued, he will feel so bad because that tiger which was travelling with him all through the hard-time because of which he was feeling that he will survive and learned to control the tiger, to get food for him, will leave him when the tiger finds the forest even without seeing back. He will realize that his father was right.

Not only the hero realized that his father was right, but I too felt that how stupid I was to hold someone who is not thankful or who doesn’t have any courtesy to say a good-bye as well. It hurts when someone goes or leaves. But it is pleasant when someone leaves saying that  I love you, I can’t miss you, you will always be with me, but I can’t be with you.

An Evil person can bring in the evil out of a good person and I should not give that chance for her to do it. Already the evil is out but it has not done any harm to her, but created a lot of hurt and pain to me. Above all it has to happen and if it has to then it will happen. I cant stop any of the god’s decision.

I do have all the same things as it was shown in the movie, I got the Trust, Honesty, Faith from Hinduism, Love from Christianity and Equality and serenity of all the above from Islam.

The movie has given a great entrenchment us. I’m glad that the majority of the  audience with little intellect can understand it as I understood it.