Tag Archive | selfishness

Survival of the Working Women

Today I was in a mood to write about house wives, but suddenly something in my routine stuck me very badly to write about the sufferings of the working women.

It is a known truth that the women have to face problems by desirable feature of being women.  I am discussing today about the women who are paid for their employment. This article is not about the bread-winners of the family. For the bread winners there is no option, they have to work for the sake of the survival, but these women are not working for their luxurious life. There are some who are very ambitious and wants to shine in their professional life. There are some women come for work whose husbands do not earn enough or they are unable to handle the burden of the family.

Those women who are at home are not anyway lesser than the working women, but working women has to do both the role with utmost care and concern without being disturbed in both their professional and personal life. 

All the successful women in their career are through sufferings only. All our success are with great sufferings.

It is a subject which is going on in my mind for some time but now the time has come by seeing the struggles with the married women who are working with me. I wanted to discuss about those working women to their husbands and to tell them about the problems of the women who earns equal or more than their husbands and doesn’t know or don’t have time to know anything about the outside world other than the family and working environment.

There was a time where the women will choose their career like nursing, teachers, secretaries and those jobs that are in the assembly sector (routine job), wherein they restrict their career growth for the welfare of the family and to take care of their beloved kids. Now the trend has changed drastically, wherein women work more competitive with men and spend equally or more time in the working environment.

The struggle for the women starts even before getting a job; she has to start the fight for the role as the gender bias creates an obstacle at the recruitment stage itself as she is a woman.

The age-old belief of male superiority over women creates several hurdles for women at their place of work. The age differences comes in as an issue, if she is young, then it is harmful to have her within a group of guys, if she is older than also it is difficult to have her in mid of young guys as they don’t feel comfortable.

Women on the way up to the corporate ladder find it very difficult because that they have to be much better than their male colleagues to reach the top. These women are not given equal importance to climb up in the ladder but they have to give extra mile to climb up.

Once at the top male colleagues and subordinates often expect much greater ability and efficiency from a woman boss than from a male boss.  As a woman even I have the bias due to the social and psychological belief, I don’t lend support to have women in my team.  (Because they cannot stay back and work)

Working in such conditions inevitably put much greater strain on women than what men experience. These problems tend to make women less eager to progress in their careers. Indeed many of them choose less demanding jobs for which they may even be over-qualified. A woman’s work is not merely confined to paid employment.

It is really irritating factor for me to feel for them because I don’t like to feel pity for someone or for self. If at all I can do something, I will prefer to do it for them and not feeling pity for them.

In the recent times, when I see the sincere, hard-working women who are married and sufferings back home after their work or during the working hours really makes me to feel irritated and I want to become one more Kannagi to destroy these kind of men in the society.I can hear that someone saying why not as Phoolan Devi, Yes I do want to become anything to stop these atrocities, arrogance of the stupid men.

These married working women who have to almost or always shoulder the burden of household chores very well than the working environment. A woman could still bear up with these problems if she had control over the money she earns. But in most families even now her salary is given to father, husband or in-laws. So the basic motive for seeking employment of getting independence is totally nullified in many women’s case.

There are some women who don’t know what the pin number of their ATM cards is and simply they will say husband will take care of everything. I don’t even know what is their bank balance is, he handles the financial part for our family.  He should handle the financial part of the family without depending on the women’s salary is the role of the head of the family.

A woman has to work, earn, be at home on time, take care of the kids, serve the husband like a slave, are we calling this as women freedom?

When I see the husbands calling their wives to know about their whereabouts during working hours and I see some of the male colleagues receiving the calls from their house wives who are at home.  By large there is a lot of changes in the communications of a call from a husband to wife and from a wife to husband.

When it is from a husband to wife, the woman who is working has to tell he husband about her whereabouts or what she is doing without even thinking about the surroundings.

Indian working women do not get the respect they need from their male colleagues in the workplace, it is because of these Indian men who doesn’t know to give respect to their wives as a professional.

When it is from a house wife to her husband, the guy from his desk responds instantly that he is busy with work without even thinking about the surroundings. Is it because of the gender bias or is it because that the house wife is disturbing the man who is at work? Is it not a disturbance call for the working woman from her husband when she is at work?

When these husbands will realize that their wives are not given a separate cabin to discuss or explain the routine of hers from office. Even those guys sitting inside a cabin will not be lovable or soft speaking to their wives as everyone works under pressure.

Why don’t these men think that these domestic pressures in women will lead to physical and mental problems like depression and psychiatric problems?

When our gentlemen(still I am calling you guys as gentlemen for the care and concern) will realize that women also have the career aspirations?  

I really don’t understand these men, why do they want their woman to work, if they don’t trust or give them the liberty to work?  We women are not fools to spend our time at office unnecessarily. There are men who will go for playing snooker, billiards, table tennis or any other sports as part of their working time, but it will be very difficult for these men to find out such woman who is ready to leave their responsibility of their kitchen and kids and going for playing for their self relaxation or for health consciousness.

My dear gentlemen, provide your wife the comfort that she is a professional and accept that you are a husband of a professional woman. I have seen guys who never question their wives while they are at work. I really admire those guys for giving that freedom to work. It is a boon for the wives and these wives can see success in the corporate sector and it is easy for them to climb the ladder when they get the support from their better half. Even if they don’t get the support in the household works, women can manage it, but if the husbands become bitter half, then their personal and professional life goes for a toss.

Balancing the personal and professional environment is not an easy task and those who are trying to show their manliness qualities of having rights to know about their wives, please try to handle these responsibilities of women for two weeks, then you will come to know who is the stronger/strongest and I wish that wives also should start questioning these men in such a way they have to leave both their personal and professional life which is very obvious from a man, but a woman will stay stronger with a smile and say them better luck next time.

There are lots of issues that they face in the working environment which can be shared with the husbands and few cannot be shared even with the husbands not in an intention to hide it from them, but to keep them cool and happy. The sufferings of women if known to men, we think that the men will feel for it and repent badly for making their wives to work for the sake of the family.

When we can think on your behalf, why don’t you think on our behalf? Is the brain of women only has got the ability to think for men? Why don’t these men think from their wives shoes? When will this change come in place and when can we see our ladies doing their work happily without having a fear of personal life? When can I see the natural smile of my fellow colleagues without any mental trauma?

I hope answers will get in few decades with the next generation or the male chauvinism will still go on forever?

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Knowingly Hurting Others

As per Hinduism – Karma – What I feel about hurt and the punishments

Everything in the world happens with a reason and which is called as KARMA. Be it a good deed or bad deed, it happens only because of our Karma and I strongly believe that I have good karma otherwise I will not be in such a situation to write something about good and bad.

Physically anyone can hurt us. Mentally no one can hurt us. If we are mentally hurt WE ALONE are responsible and no one can be blamed or responsible, because we give them the liberty to play with our heart. We allow them to enter into our heart and to play with us. It is easy for us to stop in the beginning not to allow them to enter the heart by saying that you are a stranger and please stand outside my entrance and do ask me whatever you want.When I rejoiced the good moments, it is time for me to accept the bad time as well. I allowed you to enter it and I have to suffer it.

We are born to live our life and we are not here to correct ANYONE. WE can’t expect the changes in the other people and The ONLY person who is in our control is ourselves. We can correct and control ourselves only and NOT anyone else. No matter what you explain or recommend, suggest nothing will work for them and we will be considered as fool of an ass only. Everyone will prefer to do what they want to do.

We are allowed to communicate or explain but NOT teach (because you cannot teach anyone anything unless that person accepts you as a teacher) that you are getting hurt. It is not my responsibility to teach.

As human, it is very difficult to accept anything which hurts us and it is very difficult to accept that we failed to understand other person nature it becomes worse. Especially when someone ditches or cheats or betrays us, then it is too difficult to accept that we were being betrayed by the one we trusted much. The pain is not because that we were being betrayed, it is be because we trusted them too much. It is not easy to accept the failure that we allowed them to cheat us.

Most of the times, when I am under stress or dilemma or when I know that what I am going to do is going to hurt someone, then I will leave it to god’s decision and when I was about to send some things back to someone I checked in the same way with my god. My god didn’t ask me to stop my action and he gave the below message for me. I took it as granted message from god and sent it. but somehow I feel and repent for it, because I know I have done a sin by hurting other person. I don’t know whether that person will get hurt for this or not also, maybe she will feel happy also, but I am killing myself for sending it back.

6-jan-sai

I used to say that I allowed you to play with me and If at all something goes wrong I have to suffer and it is my fate only. Yes it is my karma, I felt that you are a blessing and today I felt that it is karma and it is a curse that I have to reap from my previous births.

Whether we accept the difficult situation with or without reacting has no bearing on burning our bad past karma. For example, if someone hits me, I am getting the punishment for my past bad deed. If I hit him back, then I accumulate more bad karma.

When you started hurting me, I should have done whatever possible to avoid getting hurt repeatedly. Without hurting back I tried to do whatever possible to prevent getting  hurt from you. I have told you many times that I am getting hurt and also I told you that I do not expect you to change your attitude just because I am expressing.

When I know that you are intentionally trying to hurt me, I tried to urge you by admitting that I am getting hurt. So you started hurting me more and more without a limit. It was my mistake only

Without hurting you, I tried to react either saying sorry or telling you ‘please do not hurt me’, I do not accumulate more bad karma. This kind of reaction is OK. Not reacting is also ok, if the situation warrants. As long as we do not hurt other by the way of our reaction, it is fine. Ideally it was my mistake only because, knowing your certain qualities, I should have avoided the bad company or moved with some good people.

I tried not to do it for so long time and thought I can sew the good deeds in you, but you made me to do some sins because of you and I know for sure am accountable for it and I don’t know how I will repay for this sin. Either I will be given punishment immediately or I will meet another bad situation later on since I have done the hurt back.

I learned it is better to be self-centered (too much selfishness is not good for anyone). It is wrong to live for others only as well. Everyone should take care of themselves first before attempting to help others. Hurting ourselves in helping others is our mistake. Loving others by hurting ourselves is our mistake.

Whether we like it or not everyone is selfish. Some fools like me will not accept this fact. They may serve others and make sacrifices…I do so because it gives me more happiness. I need to do what is good for myself without wondering how the other person will feel is a selfish deed only. I used to feel that I should never hurt others. That is the base line.

In general, if you hurt others you have to suffer the result but if you love others and help others also you have to suffer the result is what I learned from you.

Only thing what karma or punishment says about selfishness is without hurting others you can be selfish. (Ideally being selfish will definitely hurt others and for hurting others we have to face the consequences).