Tag Archive | SAD

2nd Innings in Abu Dhabi

I never expected that I will get a chance to work again in Abu Dhabi or I will have the heart to roam around Abu Dhabi. I have the best feelings, best friends, best memories but few of the worst happenings made me to feel that I stayed in this place for 3 years and I forgot everything about Abu Dhabi.

My life was beautiful in that building and the moment I left someone grabbed all my happiness along with her. There are some people enter you life for a reason, for a season and for lesson. I don’t what I learned from this person, but even now it is painful but lovely and beautiful.

I lost everything for couple of months and it was very difficult for me to get on to toes with that pain. I will not curse even my enemy to have that pain in his life. If god has ears, he will not let anyone to suffer like that. 

In the last 2 years I have been to Abu Dhabi, maximum of 4 times and all the 4 times, I had to say that I was in a feeling that I am entering to my graveyard. Most of my friends used to say that you dont need to come to Abu Dhabi.

New Client, New place, New friends, new routines, new memories – I felt that I was totally out of my grief and pain. I was able to smile like before. I was able to walk without any tears. I was able to go for shopping. I avoided to meet the Abu Dhabi friends. Once in a while I used to call my best friend and we used to discuss on the current routines and family and end our call.

Life is beautiful and I always love it and live happily. I am of a person who can say that I am happy even in tears.

All my friends from Dubai were feeling so happy because you are going to the place which is heaven for you. It was heaven for me but they are not aware that I was feeling it as hell. I could not tell anyone that I am not happy to move to Abu Dhabi.

When I entered Abu Dhabi after a year time, I went to my previous client to meet the old friends. It was such a painful moment for me and the memories started rolling in my mind. I told my friend that I will meet him near that building and I was not having the heart to enter the building. Somehow somethings made me to enter the building.

One of my colleague saw me even before my friend meeting me and I was forced to tell him that I will meet him in the office. I could not recall that I was working in First floor. I have spent close to 2 years in that place and I am coming after 2 years.

When my friend told, we will meet him in first floor, I was not even feeling that we all were there in first floor. After going to the place, I recalled that I was working and was feeling like how many meetings, how many bottles of water in anger, how many phone calls, how much happiness, how much irritations, what all the pains I have gone through in that building. If the walls has eyes, that also will shed tears.

As long as I was in Dubai, I was not thinking about any incidents that affected me or touched my heart. But the moment I entered Abu Dhabi, my pain started and the way I entered the building, I was forced to see the entrance, where I saw her at last, who was not ready to see my face or to say a hi to me. (05th January’2013 I was brutally killed). I entered the building with a brave heart.

How can I forget that I was in First floor? How can I forget that all my users were in 6th floor. Only thing I remembered was that IT team was in fourth floor. Suddenly I remembered that project was my baby and I could not stop the feeling what I had for it.

Above all, when I went to that particular floor, yes I went there after 2 years and I was asked by DD to come there to meet all of them. I was not able to tell her that I don’t want to come there. I can’t see the one whom I wish to see. Even now I could not recall what was her extension number. I was able to smile with everyone and be cheerful as I was during my initial phase of the project. I didn’t throw my sight to the place where the person whom I miss used to sit. I was not having guts to see someone else sitting in that place and also I don’t want anyone else to feel my pain.

When I came out of that building I was the happiest person irrespective of missing someone whom I still love in the same manner. Life is all about giving love and I have given it to a wall, not to a human and it was my mistake.

One of the worst part of my Abu Dhabi second innings is, the moment I entered, I started feeling for her, but I really don’t feel that I miss her, because I know she lives in me. No can steal that from me or no one knows that my day and night starts and ends with the feelings for her.

What is more painful in Abu Dhabi…. will continue…….

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Three Roses

One of my friend asked me, how is it possible for you to love two more roses after being hurt so badly by the thorn of the first rose. It is a fact that I was against the worldly love. I don’t want to see anyone with care and concern for any matters because of the trauma I faced. But few things are like unstoppable and it happens on its own. Neither I planned for SAD nor did I plan for these two roses.

All of them entered my life in an unique way.

Three Roses (SAD/ZENO/RIYA)

In fact when Zeno entered my life, I told her, I don’t have the strength or energy to bear one more failure in my life. Whatever feeling you have for me, you can have it but I don’t think I will be able to share it in the similar way and I told her the story and to her goodness, she said I know how painful it is, but don’t ever think that you will get such pain from me.

I told her, I don’t want to give such chance for anyone in my life and I tried to be away from her for nearly about two months. Once in a while I will message her in face book and I think I would have called couple of times in two months time.

On her birthday, as I used to wish all my friends, I called her at midnight and to my surprise that voice from her made to feel so bad about me, because of two reasons. 1. She didn’t expect my call and the happiness in her voice was so sweet and memorable. 2. I was so arrogant that I didn’t show any feelings towards her till that moment, when I heard her happiness I felt like, if I can give this much happiness to someone then I must do it once again. I have to go for this love story once again. It happened with Zeno but it made a lot of difference with the entry of Riya.

If you lose a relationship in life, it means that it has to go. It entered your life with a purpose and let it go and realize that relationships are often seasonal, It is like the birth cycle whenever there is a birth, death is destined and where ever there is a beginning, an end will come.

Above all these, I have a bad habit of reading and taking things so seriously to my mind. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself. Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones. So if my first one was a mistake, it doesn’t mean that I have to die with that mistake, I can try once again as a new chapter.

Somehow it flashed like a thunder and I started to spend my time with these two little roses. Are they really roses? Not really, even these are with thorns, but now I know how to handle the thorns and I will not give up my love or I will allow them to give up me.

Both of them knows the pain what I have gone through and both used to give me more pleasant time and more painful times, but I enjoy each and every moment of it as I was with my SAD.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Above all one thing is true and I have to accept that all the relationships in this world are temporary. Most of our extended relationships are seasonal and it can end any point of time. Knowing this truth, why should I cry for the lost one or for the one who was not ready to give up her ego or for the one who doesn’t care about me? I have to think about making people around me, who care about me, who love me, who really needs my love and care. Above all who knows to understand the feelings of others, when I say this, I mean it and I feel that I was little aggressive with these two roses not to get hurt but somehow I used to hurt them badly and I will feel for it.

People are going to come and go from our life. When I thought that I met my best friend, perfect business associate, or the love of my life, I am pretty sure that I am going to fall down. The same thing I have told my SAD many times that I allowed you to enter my inner circle that means I am giving the opportunity to you to kill me.

It is normal belief in every relationship that people don’t misuse that freedom in the name of love. When it is with a mother and kid, it is of two own blood people and when it is between a husband and wife, there is a mutual relationship. But in this case, when it is between a third person what so ever we name it best friend, close friend or mother, daughter, brother sister, these relationships are temporary till the time they find their own or till the time they get satisfied with that relationship. It will never be a long lasting relationship, even though I have couple of roses and I have been a rose for couple of friends, still I am saying it because whatever we have it will go with little pain.

Even with these two roses, I don’t know when what will happen, but till the time I have them, I try to get hurt with more thorns so as by the time they leave me, I will not face the pain what I have gone through because of SAD. When I face the pain from day 1, I will not have more hurt when they give up me for something else.

Life is a cycle, what you give is what you get, but in my case it happens vice versa, what I don’t want others to feel is what I used to get… I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of love, but it happens on its own.

One thing is for sure that I still love SAD, I love my two roses also in the similar manner but with a little difference, I allowed SAD to go, but this time, I will never ever let them go apart from death. Only death can make us to separate from our love.

Riya is another rose but I have seen the thorns more than of getting the feeling of Rose. I don’t know the more time I spent with her, the more I used to remember my SAD. I used to feel that I am going to get hurt once again with Riya like that.

Best thing about Riya was, she didn’t even allowed me to call her and she called me on her birthday and asked me to wish her and made me cry literally thinking my SAD. I missed her birthday but I didn’t feel that I missed these lovely girls birthdays. I was not nearby them but they gave me the comfort that their day was best with my wishes. One good thing is I was given a chance to celebrate all the three girls birthday’s and not with any of them.

I have to say that even if I keep quiet for a day, my beloved roses can’t do that with me. They will try to know about me either ways and with Riya, I have to say that she will keep on fighting with me, but she will never end any communication with me. She can’t keep silence even for few hours and I realized it with so many fights in between us. Even if I try not to ping her or message her or even if I don’t respond to her texts, she will call me to find out how I am and she will message my close circle to know about my whereabouts.

You don’t need to drink the sea water to taste whether the whole water is salty or not. It is a known fact that sea waters are salty. Some of the characters of the human are unique with each other and with these roses, love was free flowing whereas with SAD, it is very hard stone and I broke my heart and head by banging on it. Still it is my sweet adorable darling, because of whom i got two more roses.

Today I can’t show my love free flowing as i was doing it with SAD, because I have a fear of failure and fear of losing my relationship and I am scared to talk to them as free as i was doing it with my SAD. Sometimes, these roses will be feeling the differences, but it is not because that i don’t trust them and it is because of the pain and hurt what i have undergone in the past.

My slogan for both of them is I know how strong my love is and wherever you people are you can’t live without my thoughts, even if we are destined to get separated. I love to give that impact and I love to get that impact. whether it is positive or negative, I have that impact of SAD with me. whatever i do, i get a feeling of my love for her or the pain what I have got from her.

This will keep on…. God took one rose from me and gave two roses, instead of looking at the closed doors, I opened the two doors and I long to knock the closed doors also because of that door only I know that this kind of love is so beautiful………… Pain is inevitable in any love stories.

I hate my life….

Why to smile and love my life when it gives me more pain? I hate my Life… 🙂 What made me to feel so bad about my life? 

Wow what a wonderful feeling is this to look back our life and to feel so happy that you have crossed all the struggles and I keep smiling even after having a tough time in crossing the milestones of my life.

We normally look back at our life and feel sad that why these things happened like to us?

Always I used to feel that if I could go back and undo all my mistakes, take new chances to live the life in a better way.  Since, I know that I never made the right choices in my life. That is how the life has to go and I have come a long way with bad choices in all the stages of life but often with smile in my face.

We know that life is a journey between birth and death with a return ticket and date of the return is unknown. We know very well that whatever mistakes we do can’t be corrected with erasers and it requires to be in mind so as not to repeat it once again. Life is a special gift from god and we go with the journey and god is the director of the journey and we act as per the script made by god.  If we could know that it will end in pain or it will go in vain, we can correct it before committing it. Sometimes, we know that it will give pain and it will end in vain, but still we can’t stop it and we don’t have any control over it. We can’t reverse the things what happened and it will have an impression for sure and some will have a deep scar in the hearts.

Always remember that each step is a step taken by us is closer towards our grave and try to live the life to the fullest without any regrets. You can have control over money but not with the honey (Little hearts likes and dislikes). Whatever happens, it has no control. We are meant to do the things, either pleasure or pain is the result of the things what we do. If you get pleasure, sure there will be pain and when you get pain, tell your mind that pleasure is not at long distance.

Memories are so sweet, painful and disturb a lot as well. It all depends on how and what we choose to keep in our memory.  I don’t keep any unpleasant things in my memories and that is the secret for me to have a smile in my face irrespective of the failures what I have seen or faced. It is quite common in human to remembering the past but dwelling in the past will not change it but rather affect your present and personal life. We are losing the happiness of today by recalling the past to our hearts. Remember the bad things happened to you as a lesson and Remember not to dwell on it.

Dwelling on the regrets is not only about the bad past but also it is going to kill the today’s happiness. Choose only to remember the good things, which will make us to smile and have a bright days in our life. Self-motivation is the best thing which we can offer to ourselves and make us to stay healthy and wealthy as well.

Each and every person that we meet has made an impact in our life. As it is said, some come as blessings and others as lessons that never to be forgotten and while few others are just for experience. Lesson learned are not to be forgotten and it is also an experience. Experience will always be more than the blessings because only with lessons and experience you will come to know the meaning of those who are in your life as blessings. There is not life without lesson, experience and blessings and we too will play the role as lesson, experience as well as blessings in many people life to complete the cycle.

Above all, falling in and out of love is part of human stages in life. Why I need someone to make me smile? Where is my smile, it is within me not with someone else, with my smile, I can make people around me to smile and makes me to smile instantly even though heart cries in pain.

Talking of Love, I love myself so much that’s why I can smile without any regrets and with all my failures, my smile is the brightest in my life. I love myself when I smile and I love those who smiles when I smile and I love those around me who makes me to smile.

I am a gift of god and no regrets whatever happens in between my birth and death, I will keep smiling with no regrets.

With Smile with no regrets….:)

Best Day- Part 2

Best Day by my Malabar – Part 2 (April 27th 2012)

“True friendship is felt, not said.”

As said in the previous content, my day started very good and it was very pleasant with my best friend. As the sun continued to shine, my day was also very bright as like the sun. As the day ends, sun was about to set my happiness and the feeling of a good day also started to come down because of my friend Malabar who made to feel very bad of my some childish behavior.

When I was with my best friend, I called Malabar in a feeling that she should not miss me, as her time goes around me and I used to be with her all through the day. It is not only I don’t want her to miss me, but also I don’t want to miss her as well.

No Day is a bad day as long as we feel that it is bad. The day was too good and suddenly Malabar made me to feel that the day was about to end badly for me.

I will try to make sure that people around me or those who are constantly in touch with me don’t miss me and she is my close friend. How can I make her to feel sad or to miss me? I called her and we had a good chat for some time, but suddenly this female misunderstood something. She neither called me back nor did she try to ping me. She didn’t respond to my pings as well.

As the time passed in my best friend’s house, I said bid adieu with heartfelt thanks to my best friend, but mind was around this Malabar.

As soon as I came down from my friends flat, I called my sweet stupid friend to find out what is she doing? We had a chat over phone for more than an hour but still she didn’t say anything that she was feeling bad.

I reached my sweet home and started to ping her in blackberry, and slowly my close friend started saying that she felt bad for something and she asked me why did you call me from your best friend’s house? To be honest, I was shocked because this friend is not like others she knows my pulse, she knows my vein, what am I feeling, what I will say and what I will do. I never expected that she will misunderstand me. She has got that maturity to understand me to great extent. Initially I thought she wanted me to spend my time with my best friend. So I was not feeling bad about it. I didn’t feel that she misunderstood something.

I don’t know how you got confused with my love for you. “Don’t confuse people who are always around for the people who are always there”

Malabar, I don’t want to say about my friendship to you and neither have I needed you to know from my words. “True friendship is felt, not said.” I know your friendship and what it means to me. You also know what you mean to me. When we know each other intensely, do we need this misunderstand? Good or bad feeling also depends on our mindset only. If you feel that your friend does something purposely to hurt you, it is your belief and you will be right in your belief and if you feel that your friend will not hurt you even when there is a chance for her to hurt you, this is also your belief. Don’t feel for something which is not in your control.

Love is pleasant as well as painful, we need it more when we get it more for pleasant. We feel a pleasant pain when it is shared with others in front of us. I used to feel it when my mother shares her love with my own sisters or with her sisters. I can understand your feeling, but how you failed to understand my feeling for you?

I know the reason but I didn’t expect this to be a reason from your end. If it is with the other friends, I would have handled it very harshly. But I can’t do this to you because you are my sweet youngest friend. I take your age as compliment for you to do this mistake with me. Please never ever compare yourself with others.It is like doing injustice to ourselves.

You are what you are and there is no change and don’t expect the changes in me for our friendship. I will have 1000 more friends in my life but each of them is unique and they have their own places. All depends on what they give. I don’t keep anything with me, I return it to them 100 folds. If you show me your love, I will show it 100 times more than what I get from you. I show the hatred also in the same 100 folds. I don’t keep anything with me either its love or hatred, I return it back with interest 🙂.

“I hope we’ll be friends forever, together we’ll always be. I don’t think you understand just how much you mean to me. And one day when we part our ways, we’ll think back to the past and think about how happy we are ’cause our friendship will always last.”

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”  –Psalms 16: 11

Somehow she felt bad and good that she shared it with me, otherwise I would not have felt that she misunderstood my feeling for her. It was little childish from both the ends and I will try to avoid such situations in future.

By the time, we were clearing our misunderstanding, another friend of mine called me for a program organized by the local Tamil association. We will not miss any of these occasions as we have more time to spend on these kinds of programs when we are away from our place. When I met my friend last week in the Carnatic music concert, I scolded her for not calling me. I forgot this program totally and was not in a mood to go. When my friend called me, I thought I will go and make me relax and let me make my day pleasant. Somehow I told her that I am not coming for that program as Malabar’s misunderstanding was running through my mind. I will not feel comfortable or my concentration will not be there in the program.

I was really upset because I did it in a feeling to make her happy and she got hurt because of my stupidity. I was not able to relax or forgive me for what I have done. Undoubtedly it is a hurt because she misunderstood. I was not able to make her feel that it is to make her happy. We discussed for more than an hour and explained her why I need to call her and she also accepted that it is just a misunderstanding and it is not as she felt. But the scar remained in both of us.

“It’s the best feeling in the world when you meet new friends and you feel you can’t stand to be without them. You are not a new friend to me, now we know each other and we don’t need to impress each other to show our likes dear. You have given me a hope every day that you won’t leave me. You can’t think about anything else but when you’re going to see them again.”

We both wanted to see each other, as we felt that this feeling of bad will stay till the time we meet. I personally don’t want the gap to spoil our moods of a good/great day.  Normally weekends we will be missing each other and this week this misunderstanding gave us a chance to meet each other. She was planning to roam around some mall and I asked her to come to the mall nearby my residence, so as I can meet her and clarify her in person and to make the day as usual a very good day.

She reached the mall and I was in deep confusion and was personally upset with her as well as with other things. I was not in a mind-set to meet her with her family members when I was upset especially upset because of her. But she made me to meet her and it was really a pleasant memory for me. I met her elder brother, baabi, younger brother and youngest sister all together and I was feeling so comfortable to move with them.  I would have been with her for more than 2 hours and I made her to feel so bad in the first few minutes with my stupid questions but still she remained cool and in full control and made my day in a great way.

Thanks for the pleasant night dear, it is not so easy to make a family to feel comfortable with a stranger and a stranger to feel comfortable with your family. You did it and I know how much I mean to you. The way you would have discussed about me would have made them initially to feel that who is that crazy female who has taken the most of her time? Later, with the impression given by you would have made them to feel to see me. Finally we were able to feel comfortable because of the way you have discussed about them with me as well.

Whatever you do, you have a style in it and you have proved in this as well.  Over all I felt that day was great to me.

“The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.”

Malabar

Men May Come And Men May Go, But I Go On Forever…

Men May Come and Men May Go, But I Go On Forever….

Too much to work on attitude, boss, conflicts and too much on with my profession. I felt that I have to come out of my earlier subjects and decided to pen something but not able to think too much because of my hectic work schedule and commitment. I was not having time to call my friends or I don’t have time to think something other than work.

Suddenly some famous lyrics came into my mind, and I thought I will pen in my blog about this.I was discussing about some of my friends as well with a new friend and which gave me a fascination to write about some interesting people I have seen in my life.

In my long journey of professional life, it is very difficult to write about colleagues at this moment because I have very huge circle of good and bad experiences. I am  very cordial with colleagues only if I like them and I will not discuss or talk to others whom I don’t like (Choice is mine and I will not give this choice for others to be cordial with me) and especially very limited friends in women and I do have a big circle from male colleagues and I do keep up distance with all of them. Most of my friends are from work places. I don’t give chances to those from the workplaces to become so close friend during my tenure with them in the same company. I developed this as an habit and I do have it till now, I will not change this for any reason as work is different and friendship is different. We can’t sail in two boats at a time. For Friendship I can give up anything but for work I will squeeze the other and I will not give anything so easily when it is work.

Up to me, Workplaces are meant for work. At workplace, you and your co-workers work together to complete specific tasks so the company is efficient. I will not entertain the co-workers to become as my close friend unless and otherwise I find some extra ordinary character in them. Workplace is not a cinema hall or a it should not be considered as a social gathering center. Friendliness with co-workers does improve productivity, too much socializing, can be harmful not only to the productivity, but also to the one’s own career. I love my profession like anything and I will not prefer to spoil it because of any third parties.

I normally don’t have closeness with colleagues and I have my own boundaries with each and everyone depending on their interest in the company. Chosing friends depends on their individual nature and we have to be more careful with whom we share our personal information. This seems like simple but problems often arise because we end up trusting the wrong person with our private information.

I don’t get along with colleagues so well as like my close friends because whatever we share with friends are for our emotional needs whereas our colleagues are for our professional needs. Workplace is not for getting our emotional needs. We have to be very careful and cautious in selecting the friends at work place. I might write another article about the friends at work place 🙂

It is not an easy task for me to pen about one or two friends and it will never end. So I thought to pen about my close to heart friends (only ladies). I have to change this above lyrics to women may  come and women may go…. The above lyrics was used by one of my very thick friend to me, for various reasons I don’t want to mention her name, even if i don’t tell her name, all my good friends will know that whom I am referring to. Most of my close circle knows me as her friend and we don’t have different identity ( A beautiful tamil old song comes to my mind “Naan endraal Adhu naanum avalum, Aval endraal adhu naanum Avalum). If I am good others will feel that she is also good and if she is good my circle will know that am very good.

She knows that I am mad and I will do anything for her, and she will regularly use the above words “Life is like this and she will always quote “men may come and men may go” and one more favorite words of her is “Even this will pass awayidhuvum kadandhu pogum or nothing lasts forever”. I never cared for these words till the time I got hurt. Whatever you say, you are my best friend and neither my friendship will change nor I will change with time and people. I will always be a nice friend to you irrespective of what you are. Suddenly these words came into my mind, and started feeling why she used to say these words to me? Till that moment I was not aware that it is a famous lyric as well. What does this mean? Many people will come in life and many will go out of our life. But what is important is that in the end what you are is what you are.

We have our own destiny and we are the owner of our happiness. Above all what counts is what gives more happiness and don’t make being with someone make you forget that. Yes, when I started feeling, many friends came in my mind (life) and many are out of reach for some reason and many I don’t know where are they,  but the sweet memories what they left in me, is still with me.

Hey ! Thanks for sharing these words with me, I love it now because I learned to count on the people who left me for various reasons. I feel that you told these words to me, so as I will not depend on you forever.Before you there were so many people crossed my life and I have missed so many but still the feelings for them are still alive and it will be there till the time I am alive.

I lost myself and gone back to my school days. I really miss a very good friend as Nargiz Banu. Oh god, a very beautiful friend of mine and how sweet she was? I don’t remember when I saw her last time,  a decade back. Imm yes my school days with her was very pleasant and I can still feel it as sweet memory. She was a big chit chatter box, and I was very calm and silent (only during school days) and two opposite characters attracted each other. She was very close to everyone in the class. Whereas for me, I have to say that I was very close only with few and she was my best friend during my school days. Somehow from school days till now, I am choosy in selecting friends (Being choosy itself I have friends all over the world and I am unable to count my close friends )  or very choosy to have friendship with others. Now I am feeling that I was so close to her during my school days, but during school days I never felt it in that way. She was the only friend to whose house I used to go for studying na na, just for time pass. I don’t like group studies… (Studying itself).. time changed a lot, now a days without studying something new, I don’t go to sleep.

I don’t want to search this friend because, I know she will remember me a lot and think of me at least once in a month. I don’t want to search her or I don’t want to know about her whereabouts after so much gap , in the same time, I don’t want to erase that beautiful girl and to insert a new female in her name. I can’t change your sweet personality to some thing unusual…

Hey my dear friend, do you mean this as “many may come and many may go”, yes I do agree, but when I started feeling about my friends, the happiness sounds that it will be with me forever…

As a Teen age girl, I got a friend who was elder to me by 5-6 years.

As like others playing, chatting and as usual routine with other neighbors. I have to say it was totally different with my first best friend from neighbors. This would have been the shortest friendships with my neighbors and especially during my teens. She was my first real best friend because for whom I shed tears out of love and care. Our friendship was very strange, started with a fight, which is quite usual for me, as I am not a friendly person….

She was my neighbor and our friendship blossomed in a different way unlike other neighbors. I was having a very bad habit during my school days having bed coffee. Of course not in the bed, I used to take the coffee and come out of my house, in the lawn, will sit and read news paper and have a sip of coffee. My mom used to scold me and this neighbor female was elder to me by 5-6 years. We will show a weird face and we will not smile at each other. I was feeling that she was very rude. I hope she also would have the same feeling about me.

One day, when I was reading the newspaper (oh god, all my routine got changed, I don’t read newspaper at all), my mother was shouting, it’s getting late, when will you get ready? She gave the tooth paste and brush in my hand. To my bad luck the neighbor lady saw me from her window, my bed coffee in one hand and brush in another hand. She called me, hey what’s your name?  What is your age? You can’t take your coffee after brushing and the way she asked me, I don’t remember how I managed that situation. Quite embracing, I think I have not come out of my house to have my coffee after that. In a way she made me to follow some routines which I am following till today.

After a week, she saw me when I was coming back from my school. Again, no name, nothing, Hey what happened I don’t see you with your coffee feeling shy? Taking the coffee in the bed itself or feeling shy to come out? Oh god, I was totally collapsed but the way she asked was very cute but literally I would have cursed her inside my heart but in front of her smiled and said, you will see me from tomorrow and came home. Next day, instead of taking the coffee cup, I went with the brush and she smiled. I guess our friendship started with that smile.

After that slowly she started to chat with me and my mom. I started to go with her for evening walk. Now I remember I used to go for a walking daily as a routine, but it all went with her. When we used to go for a walk, she will enter into the temple and that’s how the praying habit started for me as well. When I go to the temple or when I pray, definitely she will be there in my prayers or whatever I do religiously it is because of her. She was so sincere in her routines and that made me to follow the same. She will be the first one in all my prayers. Even after 20 years, I feel that she is the best person in my life.

We used to go for walk even in the heavy rains and I started loving the rains only because of her and I came to know that we can love rain in this way as well. Even after twenty years of life, I used to think about her when it rains, because we used to go for walking in the rain also. Rain, Ice creams, chocolates are our favorites and to great extent I stopped everything.  Still I love cycling and riding bikes in the rain.

Even though time has taken me far away from the original adamant, arrogant to a little soft adamant, soft arrogant, but the memories are still there and I long to go back to my teens especially to have her as my friend in my life.

She showed me a way to live an organized way. In a way I learned discipline from her. Whatever self disciplines, I have today is all because of her and I owe a lot to her. She was the first one who made me to think for family sake we can give up anything in life…………… You are my best teacher of life….. Whatever I am today for my family, it’s because of you my dear friend.

If I would have spent couple of more years with you, I would have been in much better way because I really missed some good things in life because of barbarism.

When I scold someone on the road, you will cross my mind, hey don’t scold loudly, they are going to hit you… now also I scold, but I scold within my heart… they will not know. Still I am unable to control that anger or to get agitated to give back to the one who does something to us.

Funniest thing, is her father used to tease me after her marriage that one girl was crying in my daughter’s marriage. Her mother used to make fun of me by singing a sad song as if I lost my love of my life. I missed all of them in very short span of time, less than a year. I saw her once or twice after her marriage. Almost two decades gone and I really feel those days as green days.

Worst part is I know her eldest sister very well (we studied Hindi together) , even before I know this sweet lady and she used to scold me saying that you know me from the beginning and you don’t want to talk to me now. She used to scold me, Hey Kalli I will kill you. I can still feel her looks and craze, when I hear that word Kalli, oh what a sweet expression, a typical Mallu slang. of course she is a mallu lady who can read and write poems in Tamil.

When I hear this from some typical Mallu girl now, I love it and I feel that the charm in me to gain more friends is still available in me. Now someone says at least once in a day now as Kalli, to bring back my smiles after 20 years. I have to see that expression as well in this new friends face. My bad luck I have not heard it saying on my face, she will be saying it either on a chat or over a phone call.

I can try to reach this old friend of mine and I can get in touch with her, but it is not going to make any of us happy because we are far away from our original destination, whereas thinking about her and thinking the way I am because of her is making me to fly high in the sky. I miss you my friend. I want to share some secrets with you and I learned to keep up the secrets from you, I learned to trust people from you, I learned to smile because of you, I learned to give respect to others because of you. I learned to learn many more things because of you. If you were not there in my life, I feel that I would have missed many more things in my life.

I owe you a lot and you never know that I have learned so much because of you and whatever I learn in day-to-day life is all because of you. You made me to think out of box

Best of my friendships are, I don’t have friends of my age group at all. Untill 2008 back all my friends were elder to me. Some what I have strong wish to learn and I learned from others mistakes, which has also given me an aversion in many things in life.

Apart from this woman, I should say I love few more in my friends list, which I have to write on a separate note as I love my friends. I think about more friends now, but I don’t know what all to write about them…

The next few friends are also of  my age group, but not with much differences, hope they would have been 1 or 2 years elder to me.

Sri Priya, most admirable friend of mine. I have not discussed about this friend with many people and no one in my circle knows that I have a friend with this name. Golden period of everyone’s life is college time and for me it was golden period because of this female, who was not my colleague. Out of 6 in a group of teen age girls, she was the most adorable person by all the 5 and I have more passionate towards her. I think I became a very big chatter box because of her. Out of 6 girls, 4 of them were doing some course on teachers training and 2 of us in a polytechnic.

Hey I have to search for the photographs of ours what we took in some beach.

To be honest, I completed my diploma only because of her and she doesn’t know that it is because of her. I can write about this female like anything because I have spent 3 full years with her in her house. (Hey do you remember that you came to meet me to another friends house?)

Padma priya, I know you will scold me, if I don’t say your name because you were the first one to welcome me in that village and offered me a filter coffee. I can’t forget you till the time, I have my filter coffee’s. You were my first friend in that village but slowly I took away your best friend as my best friend. What a surprise you gave me in Sri Rangam. I never expected that I will meet this lady again especially that time, in that way. I went out of Chennai with a depression without telling anyone where I am going and I went for some temple darshan in an upset mind and I was away from home by 300 Kms and literally I was shocked to see her.I know I have not reciprocated to her in her way and in a way I disappointed her.

I went out of Chennai with a mind-set that I should not meet anyone who knows me, and god asked me to come back to home by showing a friend of mine saying that if you lose one, you will get two more 🙂 . She was so happy to see me, and I got stunned to see her, and felt that this is a message from god that my pain is not forever and planned to return home immediately.

Jayanthi, I never expected that I will meet this women in my life after our studies because she was from some other village and I was from some other place and she is the only one whom I meet very often in the recent few years. A very soft lady and I really feel that we missed all our golden times. The way we used to play, fight, watch movies, going to temples…

I can get in touch with you to find about others. The other two were not that much close but I do remember their names. I really forgot Jayanthi’s name in spite of meeting her often nearby my house. Somehow I recalled after 5 minutes. You know the way she used to give respect, I used to feel to say hey shut up and call me without respect…  I really miss you all.

I love my friends and my friends love me more for which I have a nice example to say, If I call them after 5 years of time, they will not say I don’t remember you… and I can proudly say that the impact of me in them will be there till their last breath.

I guess next will be my best friend from work environments

Recently I called one of my friend who was very close to me 15 years back and I just said my name, immediately she asked me, hey you are still alive, am happy to hear you again.

I called her to get an admission to my sister’s son in a school and even though we were not in touch, I know that she is working in that school where we want to place our son for admission. Quite interesting thing was she remembered my sisters as well.

When I called her, she was at work and I could feel the intimacy in our discussion was palpable. After all, we’d been friends. huh, what am I saying, we’re still friends!

This is one of the most beautiful facets of friendship. You meet an old friend – as we spoke after sixteen long years – and, the closeness was immediate, and as strong as ever, as though only sixteen days, or weeks, had passed.

This is what friendship is all about. It stays alive, in spite of you not having a clue of the others’ whereabouts, or doings.

She is my first (SAD) sweet adorable darling and we know each other from 1995 and were close till 1996 and there were people to feel jealous about us as we always will have big smiles in our face and we can see the fire of jealous in all those who have seen us together.

Kalaivani (Kalavaani) – she has stolen my heart. She is a very nice woman with sweet voice and charming lady who was having control of a department where she has got some people to work for her. She was so sweet and I hope almost all the top people in the company knew her because of her soft and gentle behavior. I am totally opposite and opposite poles attracted each other. Only I know how much troubles I have given to her. But she was so soft and I have not seen her with anger or getting irritated or frustrated because of my silly behavior. Time made me to sit with her for no reason and we used to spend more time in office as well as at home. Hey when I go by the way of Nehru Nagar, I miss those ice creams dear.

Venila, I will not say that we are best friends but I know that she adores me more than a friend. Whenever she feels some pain or happiness, first person to cross her mind will be my name. She will be thinking my name at least once in a day. I was so happy when she said, for all the problems, I will think how you will handle this situation and then I will take decisions for me. I don’t know in what way I inspired you but I know you as a daring lady and I don’t want you to feel sad or depressed for any reason. Wish you to see you as like a courageous lady as like before.

We have not spent much time together but our friendship is more than 6 years now. You are the one who has seen the rock in me and as well as the soft flower in the hard rocky person. You have seen me all my failures, and also you know the secret of my success as well. Even though you have seen all my faces, you still feel me as confident female. I feel that you are more confident than me. I want you to come back with your full power.

I am proud of your friendship aunty.. oops sorry, I know you love that… Hey Aunty, my cousin wants to meet you now with me. Can we meet tomorrow? I don’t want to go without seeing you aunty, need your time, call me young lady 🙂

This is just a beginning to write about my friends and it will not end so easily.

Friends Forever !

Friendship has no boundaries and friends know no limits. They love you unconditionally for what you are and are always with you in difficult times.

Life is all about the choices we make. However, there are often, varied situations, circumstances and people around us, which greatly influence our choices in life.

Currently I am trying to break a rock and hope I will be writing soon about breaking a rock or accepting a failure that I could not do it. I do have faith in me, that I can do it. Hope to write another story positively about another friend. Either of us can choose to opt for the better one. Rock can become my best friend or I can leave the rock saying that you are really a hard-core rock. Choice is with us and let us give the time to make the choice….

Continues…..