Tag Archive | Relationship

Life after marriage

This is one subject which I was talking with my office colleague who was from a different country and more interestingly to other nationality to say that the life changes for a Girl in India after Marriage.

Marriage is not the unity of two bodies, but union of two souls as one with more care for each other, love for them, trust in them. Marriage changes drastically in both men and women, because they started to share their feelings for each other and start living together.

The changes are for both, but it is obvious that the changes in women are more as she leave her house and enters a strangers house leaving all the happiness and freedom and more importantly the love of her family.  As like the guys, even the girls were living their life without any responsibilities and they are accountable only for their chit chats and small/big fights with their siblings.

This is one thing which the most men doesn’t understand that she comes in as a stranger and it is his responsibility to make her feel comfortable in the new house and make the relationship grow with each others in his family and to treat her as one in the family.


How to get prepared for a marriage?

It is not so easy to get prepared for the marriage. You can never be prepared for the Marriage. It is said that you are going to marry a person and become as a new personality. You will never be able to see you in you, because that you is going to change with a knot as ‘WE’. (Whether it changes for both becomes the question of the marriage life)

It is a change process of Girl to grow as a woman, but where in we expect the girl to act as a woman from the day 1 and that is where the problems in the family arises. Whereas the guy takes his time to change and grow from a guy to a man. He has the liberty to meet his friends, dine with his friends and to continue his routines as he was before marriage.

You will not know when you will grow and how you will grow and change in the relationship and how they will grow and change. It needs time for both the woman and man to get adopted for the change.

Whether the Girl gets married at 18 or 28, irrespective of her age, she has to become a smart woman, a great home maker as soon as she gets married.

As a spinster, she would never ever thought that her life will change so drastically upside down like anything after her marriage, if so she would have prepared herself for the same.

Most of the girls are grown up as like the guys and even more with love and care because she is meant to leave the house with a stranger as his wife and need to have all her life and happiness in her mother’s house.

It is true that the girl who is a spinster has the liberty for the following.

First and foremost is leaving her house and entering to a strangers house with 100 folds of responsibilities of about which she has no clues also.  She has to leave her surname and take up her husbands name as her surname/second name which dominates to say that there is no relationship or responsibilities with her parents.

Early Morning is @ her convenience

Get up early by 9 or 10:00 AM, without any worries. If the girl is a school or college goer then she will wake up exactly 15 minutes before and get ready in 10 minutes, her breakfast along with her coffee will be ready.

For some girls, the coffee goes to her bed and she will wake up with her mothers face asking her to get ready for her classes.

After Marriage, she has to get up and make the bed coffee for her lovely husband and his family. There is no one to ask her whether she has taken her coffee. Even before the coffee shop gets over, this little girl has to get ready to make the breakfast for the family where the individuals will have their own choices.

Early Morning remains same for the guy – Either way he will get his bed coffee only change would be from mother to wife. There is no change in the way he gets up or going to bed as a man.

This morning becomes night mare for the women of India after having couple of kids, because it is mothers responsibility to get up early and to make them ready till drop them in the school.

It is a sweet responsibility to take care of the entire house members and it will become the prime responsibility for the women to take care of the needs of the immediate family members. If at all the in-laws are nice, then it becomes a sweet responsibility and she will start loving it without feeling it as a burden, but most of the cases it is wise versa and she does it only to save her marriage and to save the name of her parents.

The guy becomes needs to be more responsible if it is a nuclear family, because the house was taken care by his father and the finances were handled by mother and he was not accountable for anything at home. When he starts his life with a new girl, he has to be more sensible, responsible to handle everything.

Decision Making @ her Choice

This is one thing which the woman has to forget after marriage, she was the one who used to take the decisions be it for her day to day life or education or job. Before marriage it was only you will get affected and the actions after the decisions are going to impact only one person.

After marriage she needs to think more to take a decision as it is going to affect both of them and the decision whatever she is going to take has to be accepted by her husband and his family and at times the decisions are being dictated to her.

Increase of Patience to great heights

There was times wherein she will get high BP and fight with mother for more sugar in coffee or no salt in the food or scream with brothers for petty issues like for taking pencil or pen or cycle. When father shouts, she has the liberty to break out and cry, shed tears to bring down the normalcy at home.

After marriage, she will not have the chance to break out or vent out anything. She will be the one who used to add more sugar or no sugar or salt and there will be no one to ask permissions to use her things. This patience is the success key to the marriage wherein you suppress all your feelings to save your marriage and when you learn this Technic to suppress your feelings, the patience level increases.

It was easy for her to speak to her family members without even thinking anything as a word out of anger, but when it is after marriage she needs to think thrice before she speaks as it is going to harm her marriage life.

Priorities Changes after marriage

There was no priorities in life for both guy and girl before marriage. They were meant to go to school, enjoy their life with friends, have fun. Both of them would have been hanging with friends, working late night in the office, going for parties etc., As an individual, only friends, your job was the priority.

For the girls, needless to say that her priority changes from her to him and his family. She becomes more sensitive towards him and his family. She tries to make them as her. The you of her gets converted to him and his family as priorities. The changes of hanging out with friends very rare cases and even if they get a chance to hang around, her family runs behind her mind, family, expenses, happiness of the family goes on in her mind.

She says good-bye to her best buddies and she is ready to miss the most lovable part of her time with her friends, late night out or any tour and travel with her friends. She makes it as history and when someone reminds her then she thinks about it and say yes I was like that but now I don’t have time to think and even if she has time to think, she doesn’t want to do it as her mind keeps on thinking about this family of hers which never thinks her as one in that family.

For the guys, yes it changes but not to that great level of a woman. It changes from his family to his family with added responsibilities of his wife.

For the guys, it remains same irrespective of the family responsibilities being taken by him or not.

Become a visitor to your Parents house

You are being invited for your parents house for any occasions or to spend time with them. You are being treated like a prince in your own house which you used to enjoy when you were single and now the love becomes more but still your heart thinks about Your(his) family.

Life is beautiful today, Love it enjoy it and don’t ever think that life after marriage is going to be beautiful, but yes for sure it is beautiful with lot of challenges and changes in both of you.

Life is meant with full of change, challenge, courage,choices and compromises. Do the right choice to challenge your life with courage and to look forward for the changes what it brings to you in life with little compromises.

With lot of compromises, you can get good choice of husband who will challenge the world for you with courage and change his world as you. 

love marriage



When I think about the past and today, I feel so happy that I have so many kind hearted people around me. All of you may not be nearer to me, even being in long distance from me but thinking about me and doing small or big things for me and doing it with or without my knowledge.

I can say a big thanks to many people but I don’t want to list my thanks in one content.

This is something special and for someone special. I am scared to write this word as special also, let me say that the reason is special. I know this guy shortly. The way he got introduced cannot be digested by both of us. He was carrying news of a friend’s demise. I was not able to digest it at that time and even now also it is very heavy.

By nature this guy is a soft speaking whereas I am a rough and tough guy. He is so gentle and I am arrogant. With all the differences, we have a kin and kith relationship.

As I used to say I am scared to say someone as my brother or any relationship as I have seen only pains with these relationships.

He is a regular reader of my blogs from the time of knowing each other and he used to share all the good and bad happenings of his life to him. Almost we used to chat couple of days in a week or if required more in a week also.

I really planned to make my blog as a domain in Feb-13 but it didn’t happen because of various reasons. After that I was not having that much interest also to blog and it gradually got reduced from 14 articles in a month to 3 or 4 in a month. I can count not even 10 in the last 6 months.

Suddenly he asked me to upgrade my blog as website and I was surprised and I was not interested to do it at this point of time, as I felt that I lost interest.

He registered my domain and told me to check your domain , it got registered and you can check it now. Please do activate your domain. It is a gift from me. I don’t know how to thank him and I don’t want to thank him and separate him from my life. Somehow I feel it as a great surprise and that too on a First of April – All fools day, my domain got registered.

Whether we have this beautiful relationship all through our life or not, this domain will be with me till the time I live in this world and I can assure you that I will live through this for few more years even after my death.

GOD took away a BLISS from me and provided YOU in a different way.


All is fair in love and war

All is fair in love and war, Who said so? Is it true? Do you agree with this?

I was thinking about the above phrase and was saying to myself that whatever she has done is right up to her in her own way.

What is the inner content of this? The above statement has a great meaning in it, which is “There is no limits when it comes to love and war”.

Everything is fair in Love and War – in short words, there is no morality or ethics in love and war.

The concept behind this phrase is that some areas of life are so important and irresistible that you cannot blame someone for acting in their own best interest. When I started analyzing this phrase, I started to feel that I have to heal myself that it was a fair deal by someone who tried to play with me.

When it is wars, normally the most affected people are the civilians who endure the torture, lying, backstabbing bombing civilians, etc., Also it is fair in making deals with enemies, this implies that spies, wounding instead of killing, and so on are not offensive or under scanner.

The point of adding love to the list is likely to compare it to war is the idea that you can cause all the havoc you want during the pursuit of true love. This includes damaging the third side in a love triangle or using deceit and trickery to pursue the object of your affection including hiding past lovers from them.

The second is the viewpoint that ongoing love between two people is similar to a battle that results in a dominant winner. The stereotypical gender wars are similar to this. A man and wife are in love, but certain unease comes with the territory, and pulling one over on your spouse is fair game because, in the end, all is fair in love and war.

Most of the cases, it is considered as an excuse for their actions and not the original meaning.

Love is something that everyone needs to survive in this world, as no one can live as an island and journey through life alone. Where ever there are people, there is love.

Love is something unconditional, probably inevitable, and maybe intangible. Love is the most powerful and critical emotion to experience and control. Most of the people would have done amazing things to express their love to another. However love has transcended its past definitions, today love is commonly used as a lie or seen to be false or for some other material benefits. It is also considered as one of the materialistic things and not considering it as an emotional feeling.

Ideally those who are in the battlefield and in love doesn’t required to follow any rules. Especially in love there is no rule also to follow. You can follow any crooked way or cunningest in love and war.

The only two areas of life in which you can be forgiven for doing anything are love and war. In someone’s eye “all is fair in love and war” in other words, in a war between love and hate, anything is acceptable or fair.

For example, if someone kills one of their relatives on the battlefield, it is more acceptable than killing them for personal reason is called as murder usually.

Similarly, stealing a friend’s lover seems as more acceptable if you love them, instead of saying, just wanting them for money. Love and war are completely two different things. Similarly love for a married women will not be considered as acceptable as there is a person who has dedicated his life for her and living with her.

One can say that these are two poles of the world, north and south, meaning two opposite directions. But when it comes to make a result or reach a desired destination they both can be linked up. It is being seen in the past that people did whatever they could for achieving their desired outcome. However this statement has also some other meaning which everyone forgets or neglect which is called “Moral and Ethics”.

Love is a gentle and caring part of our lives, but it can be a very disheartening part of our existence as well. It is not so easy to love someone or get love from someone. There are many ways a man can win the love of a lady  who is very much special to you, but the most common way was through words. So a man can lie and boast about himself, which he is not to attract the women to love him. Here you can see that the man is telling lie to a lady, which is very unfair thing for the ladies. But the moment when she gets to know about it may affect in the relationship.

If the love is true from the man, the unfair deeds are unimportant, this is because of the power of true love. That’s why we say, “Love is Blind”. Here we can see that the unfairness is not existing when it come to love. War is a very heartless attitude towards a person. This is a totally opposite thing in terms of love.  Overall what it means is there are no punishments when you do something for the sake of love and war.

You are allowed to be deceitful to get what you want.

This is for the purpose of getting someone’s as your love, but not to ditch someone in the name of love

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

Hey Dear All,

I am not blogging this as a part of learning some religion or to follow some religion. I am sharing this because if you want to follow your own religion follow it from the heart. If something mentioned here is wrong, please take it as an opportunity to correct my wisdom on the given contents from any religions.

Don’t ever pretend or take the do-able content from your religion and don’t do or show off something  to give an impression to others that you are clear and clean by heart as the other feels that you are following your religion from heart.

Friendship is something which is very green and pleasant to everyone. Here and there some will come and do little harm, insult, but the best of all relationship is friendship, because it doesn’t have blood relationship. It is very usual for people to have friendships with others whom they interact with . Friendships can be formed through growing up in the same neighborhood, meeting at school, college, university, social gatherings , working environment, gym, pub, restaurant and via a number of other activities.

Friendship is something common among people, however there are different conceptions of it. Some common conceptions include the following: friends will always stick by your side, you can always rely on a friend, you can speak freely to your friend and tell them your problems, friends like you for who you are, etc. When people have personal problems such as disputes with their family members or if they need advice they usually turn to their friends.

Do you know why god has not gifted the art of reading others mind, because he wants us to have the privilege of trusting, understanding and have faith in others.

When you start telling lies to your friend, do you know how it hurts the other person? Even before telling lies, I told you I will be saying a part of my life story to you as a lie. I will not be true in one scenario. I didn’t tell any lies to you. That is called as Sincerity. I tried to give trust by all means but you failed to keep up the trust in any means.

When you hurt someone, I believe you should face her in a remorseful way to show that you never meant to hurt her. If I was in her shoes I would want to know everything that goes around me, and if I discover that my friend exposed something and I found that out from someone else I would really get aggravated and I would feel that my friend isn’t worth trusting. “ONCE A LIAR IS ALWAYS A LIAR”

Don’t lie to your friend: 
One thing it is HARAM, second she is trusting you so don’t betray that trust if you let her know now you have a better chance of being trusted again than you would if you keep lying.


I do regret because of trusting you in-spite of knowing that you are lying to me. Over again and again I trusted you. All my pain is because of the trust what I had in you and I have to suffer for trusting you to this level. Yes I deserve punishment from god. You made me not to trust anyone in my life.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

In Today’s fast world most common problem in human is cheating others easily or to make fun of someone true feelings. If you are not serious for anything then don’t such things. Cheating/Betrayal is very painful for everyone. After hell of pain and agony, I am saying the below to the fellow people.

I am neither a follower of Islam nor Christianity and I am true to my religion. Even we don’t need to follow any religion, but we should not do harm to anyone by any means. Harm – unknowingly we do hurt others, but knowingly hurting others and giving them pain is sin in all the religions. There is no compulsion in any religion. Right has become distinct from wrong. So whoever rejects evil and puts faith in God has grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks.

I believe that God is hearing, knowing, and loving us. We don’t need to depend on others, but very few will make us to depend on them in the name of love for fun and they will ruin others life. This is to make someone understand that what their religion says about lying.

During a course of chat conversation, she said, I didn’t lie anything to you to harm you. I agree with her, may be her assumption is right, but there is a trust created in me. It is getting killed by your false statement which you were not aware of it or what?

After reading the below also, if you feel that you are not a liar, I am ready to change my assumption of saying tahat you are liar/cheater for your sake, I will say to the world she is not a liar, she talks only truth, when I will say that, I will not be true to myself. But I am ready to accept that you are not a liar or a cheater.


cheat-us-islamLying is among the sins of the heart. It is to utter false information while knowing that what one is saying is not the truth. It is sinful (haram) whether done seriously or jokingly.

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, said:

La yasluhul-kadhibu fi jiddiw wala fi hazl.  Which means: “Lying is not good, whether in seriousness or joking.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, also said:   Iyyaka wal-kadhib, fa’innal-kadhiba yahdi ilal-fujur. Wa innal-fujura yahdi ilan-nar. Wala yazalul-^abdu yakdhibu wa yataharral-khadhiba hatta yuktaba ^indallahi kadhdhaba.

Which means: “Do not ever lie, because lying leads to very hateful sins, and those in turn lead to Hellfire. One keeps on lying and seeks to do that until one is recorded as a liar in some books of Allah.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah.)

After reading the above tell me, to whom you were sincere?? I don’t need to explain on this because when we tell lies, it means that you are killing the trust what the other person has on you. It need not harm them, but it is not going to help them or make them happy. When someone tells you, you look beautiful even though it is not from heart, that is not a lie, it makes someone happier for that moment. Telling someone a lie which is not going to harm them, or not going to have an impact on them, but still it is a kind of betrayal because the other person has so much trust on you that you will not tell any lies to her.

Trust, faith are something’s which you can’t get from someone without love. When someone trust you, you have to try to keep up the trust and not to misuse the trust. I showed my trust and faith because of the love what I had for you. Even though you have lived all your life only with lies, I have given more trust and trust and poured the faith, but failed to get even one percent of truth from you.

There are many things that are among the sins of the tongue and fall under the class of lying. They include: swearing by Allah to a lie, false testimony, and falsely attributing something to Allah and His Prophet.

When you promised something to me in the name of god, I was not able to feel it as a truth, because you are born to tell only lies. By swearing-in the name of god, you made me to feel that it need not a truth and made me to feel that even in the name of god she will tell lies. That is the trust what you have given to me. I swear, I got an impression, she will do any harm in the name of god also and she will say it is not harm.

Swearing by Allah to a Lie:

It is one of the major sins. It is for one to swear by Allah to something that is opposite to the truth. An example is if one says, “By Allah, I did such and such” while knowing that one did not do that action. Similarly, if one says, “By Allah I did not do such and such” when one has done it. This is to be considered using God’s name in vain, which indicates falling short of glorifying Allah properly.

I do believe that you will not lie in the name of god but when you say 10000 lies, even a truth in the name of god becomes a false statement.

False testimony: This is one of the enormous sins. An example is for one to testify in front of a judge that someone stole something while one knows that it did not happen. “False testimony is like claiming that Allah has partners.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

Because of all your lies, now I feel even a true testimony from you whether it will be a truth or false statement? How do you expect me to trust you?

Severing the Obligatory Ties of Kinship

Severing the ties of kinship is among the sins of the body, and it is a major sin. This is done by breaking the hearts of the relatives by refusing to be good-hearted when they financially need money, or by leaving out visiting them without an excuse. If one usually helps one’s relatives, then one lost the money, or one found a more urgent need for it, then one would not be sinful for not offering it to one’s relatives. Avoiding people because they did something wrong to you or they tried to correct your mistakes or they treated you badly.

I don’t need to say about this, when one of your colleague was giving a party and the way you avoided it shows what kind of Muslim you are? When you can do this kind of arrogant attitude with a fellow Muslim lady, I can expect that you will do any kind of harm to me as I am from a different religion. When I heard it, I felt so bad because the way I had the trust in you, I thought you will not do these kind of silly things. How could you do this? whatever you discussed with me were words from your mouth not from heart.

Promotions are decided by the people who are ahead of us and if we don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve it, god wanted someone else to get benefit out of it. You were saying that what is there I will get it when it is destined to me.. Now even if you get it doesn’t going to make anyone happy because the way you reacted to others happiness, will impact yours as well. I know you will not mind it because only humans will have

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allaah is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing.” [Quran 2:263]

I know how much I have forgiven you and tried to hold you not with hands, but with love and care, but you spoiled not only my trust but also killed my each and every cell with your ill attitude and behavior. I really don’t know how your parents will take when they hear about you from others, but I was brutally killed and I don’t feel like I have to live or to love anyone. You made me a dead body. I have life, but living like a dead body in grief because of the love for you.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood – God is with me, that’s why he made me to realize all your colors and made me to feel that this is a punishment for loving, trusting, caring, and showing the real affection to a person who don’t deserve it.

 Imām `Alī ibn Husayn (a.s.),

used to say to his son:“Keep away from little and big lies whether you are serious or kidding! Whoever tells lies in childhood, will do so in adulthood.”  Do you not know that the Messenger of Allāh (s.w.t) has said:
‘A servant may keep on speaking truthfully until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very truthful one, and a servant may keep on telling lies until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very lying one.’

[Reference: Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 69, p. 234]

To Speak the TRUTH, you don’t need to follow any RELIGION, just you need to follow your HEART. I quoted the above from your religion because you wrapped yourself saying that you are following your RELIGION and as per your Religion – how you need to be and what you are? You are not true even to god 😦 . 

Whatever I have given here are just to say that this is what you have to do, there is lot many more to come in your life and don’t give them the same pain. I am saying all these as  vent out all my pain, caused by you, without doing any harm to you. Even this is to guide you, to make you right in your way. If god can help you to correct your way, I will be thankful to him. I know I can’t do it, but god has to talk to you in a way so as you can change yourself. Of course he will touch you, if you don’t listen to him, he will shake you, if you don’t listen, then he will take the root so as you will know what you are doing is right or wrong.

Even after reading all this family values, if you say that you have a family value, oh god, what kind of value it is , please make me to understand it…..

How to Find a good person who will love you and not hurt your feelings….

How to Find a good person who will love you and not hurt your feelings….

Find good person who will love you and not hurt your feelings….

A friend of mine who has been giving trouble in all relationships and I was tired of being hurt and was getting hurt more and more. Initially I thought that I am doing something wrong and but the more I analyzed about her qualities, it seems to be like that her nature is quarreling character and she was never true to anyone or loyal to anyone around us. She always used to hurt one or the other around by any means.

I am sorry I will not write anything about her. I promised all my friends that I will not write anything about her anymore. I have some contents that need to be posted but it will be posted little later(as promised I will not write anymore).

It’s time for me to say about the trouble with relationships and who can love us and who will not hurt.

We have to learn what to look for in a relationship and the new standards that the potential things in love.

However, you should not feel love on not getting hurt, rather you should feel love as being showed respect, generosity, caring, appreciation… etc… love is sharing the care and concern, an affection , not with an intention of  getting  hurt.

I tried to show all of this but, really I got hurt but that is not the case with everyone with whom I move. “Love is when someone does not emotionally hurt you.” Ideally love is to support for your emotional needs. It differs from person to person in relationship.

If you get hurt physically/mentally with an accident or incident or by falling or some way and got a deep hurt, if the one you love is ready to apply the  medicine to your wound then you can feel that they are really in love and it would not mean that somebody loves you if they didn’t put acid on your wound. If they really care, they will have a piece of word and care to handle your grief and they will not add fuel to your grief. If someone adds grief in your life, you should know that the person doesn’t love you or the care shown by the person was never ever real.

Especially in the case of mother, you can feel that when you get drenched in the rain, everyone in the family will scold you, why don’t you wait for the rain to stop, it was cloudy, you could have taken the umbrella.. but a mother will bring in the towel to wipe the head. A love which never fades in any situation and in any circumstances. She will always think and be the first one to protect us.

You have to realize that the person is worth of understanding your pain or not. If they are not, obviously you don’t deserve to love them or to show your care for them because their love is fake.

In any relationships, no one is perfect and however you feel that you are perfect, you will always get hurt because no relationship is perfect, but it’s your ability to pick up from the hurt and keep up your relationship, try to help each-other and support each-other in difficult times is what makes your relationships more meaningful.

When the other person hurts you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you and in the same way when they don’t hurt you, it does not necessarily mean they love you.

Love is like showing someone how much you can show the care and love is like showing them as much as you love yourself. It is really a great feeling to show your love and care to someone sincerely but it is not your option to continue the same with someone who takes your for granted. You can give up yourself for their love but not your love for someone who doesn’t care about it.

It is always good to find somebody who will treat you well and not somebody who will not treat you bad. I mean it is good if you get someone who can treat you good but it is more good if they don’t ill treat you or hurt your love/feelings.

Greatest thing in love is to feel the love for someone and not not trying it or failing in it makes not much different. But when you feel the love, it makes a lot of difference.

Love – A greatest feeling and love to be loved and to be in love….

Betting More Pain than Profit

Bet for What

Again the bet was on cricket. We were watching an IPL match and I think it was between Deccan Chargers and Kings XI.

Ishant Sharma was the bowler for Hyderabad bowling to Punjab team. He bowled a ball and the batsman hit it and the ball straight to the fielder, caught but it was a no ball and the batsman got a life to play again.

Our bet was on this who was the batsman.

As I saw the match from Kitchen, I was impressed to see that the catch on a no ball. Out of interest, I went to the hall to see the replay. I really missed the replay as well, but when I saw I noticed Gilchrist was saying no for the run. And the commentator was saying Ishant Sharma has given a free hit to Gilly.

During the time we didn’t talk about this at all. After sometime one more friend joined us and we were discussing that Gilly will get the man of the match or Paul will get the man of the match.

In the few of the IPL matches, batsman who got the dropped chances, won the MOM. So I said it will be Gilly.

Based on the above assumptions, I said that the batsman who got the life was Gilly and Mr.X  immediately asked for the bet, saying that it is Paul Valthaty.

Since I agreed he said the bet amount as 5000 Dirham’s. I told him I can bet even for 50K

I too agreed for the bet as I know Mr.X more as a Muslim guy than as a normal person. In ISLAM gambling is Harram which was told by his wife during the same cricket season late last year. She can’t say like this. How did she say it???

I strongly felt that this bet is just for fun. I had that much confidence on Mr.X that It is for fun only.

The time to see the replays came and I found that I lost the bet, I saw the happiness in the face of Mr.X  as like anything. I have not seen his face happiness when his wife delivered a baby or for any other reason like that.

Soon after winning the betting, Mr.X called his wife and told her about this. To my surprise, she asked him to send 1000 Dirham’s to her to celebrate this. Now I realized that I made a mistake by agreeing to this bet, and I have not shown it outside.

I gave the money. He moved his head sideways saying no but I gave it to him. but he did not say that it is Harram and also I have seen the happiness in his face on winning this bet. I wanted to say him that I agreed for this bet as I know that it is Sin for Muslims. He was flying and was not able to listen what I was about to say also. May be he wanted me to feel or trying to play with me.

Even after giving the money I smiled and was talking to them happily without showing my pain. After sometime I went to my room. I was feeling that I made a mistake by accepting for the bet and I made him to do this SIN. Next day I got up late as I slept only in the morning due to tiredness and I was not able to see Mr.X.

As soon as I came to office, I called my friend to sell the car in India. I know I have to face some more losses but keeping the car is not going to help me and I need money badly to make the last payment to the builder.

Mr.X called me around 12.30P.M and it went on a missed call. I called him back. How things are?? This will be his first frequent question which he used to put every day. I said going on well and came for a free health check up. Immediately he said your BP will be high now. Unknowingly he said that but  my BP was normal only.Amount is little heavy but I will not die if I don’t have that money or for that money sake I will not spoil my health. I

I work very fast when it is money, because there can be minor loss but it should not ruin our life.

And then he asked me where shall we go for the party? That was a real turbulent for me and I was having a very good impression for this man till that minute. But this question really shattered me like anything.  I told him upfront that I am not going to join for this and you can go and have a party.  Even after 12 hours of losing the bet, I have not shared this news with anyone. But after his call I felt like, I have to show my pain out because I got so hurt  and I realized that I lost big money after the call.

I told some of my friends about this story and all of them scolded me, how can you bet for such a silly thing and this is the height of stupidity. I told this to Sashi as well, who is like one more person with whom I would have gone for these kind of Betting. A strong feeling again that he would not have touched that money, as he knows the value of the hard-earned money. Also He knows how we struggle to save. I am writing this just as a confession and to tell my lovable people (Mom, Geetha, Mahesh and Family) that I made a mistake but still it is okay, I will be little careful from now onwards and I am with heavy heart and it will take little time for me to recover from this.

Sashi was not able to scold me or react as like others as he felt that already I am mentally upset and not to scold and make me feel more, but I asked him to scold me so as I will feel relaxed because I have not discussed this with my Mother and also with very good friends around me, who can’t take it lightly as I have taken it.

I shared this with one more friend Imtiaz from Saudi who is really close to me via Gtalk. Imtiaz is a friend with whom I used to feel comfortable sharing all my sorrows. We know each other with our plus and minuses. He heard this entire story and told silently because of this reason don’t come to a conclusion that ISLAM is bad. There is nothing in religion and please don’t judge ISLAM with this experience. Don’t judge the person by its ACTION and OUTLOOK and don’t judge the RELIGION with a person and his Action and outlook.

Imtiaz tried to make me feel relaxed. I was feeling ok till the time we were chatting. But night was sleepless night. He tried to say, I can feel your pain. If I lose one Riyal, I know the pain, because it is hard-earned money.

Sashi did not scold me but questioned me like why did you give the money? And he took the money from you? I was feeling so happy for the friendship what you had with Mr.X & Family. Finally it has come to an end with this betting.  Is it required? You lost a very good relationship because of this betting.

Some what I felt discomfort from that minute of the call. My brain started working so fast.

I have to recover this loss as early as possible.

How to recover the loss of Rs.60000 ???

1.      Shift the house nearer to the office.

2.      Don’t go home for another 3-4 months

3.      Or go for sharing a room with someone

4.      Go on vacation for a month and take all your belongings so as I can save one month rent in Abu Dhabi and I can recover half immediately.

Few things came into mind after the call were

I could have bought two Samsung Galaxy mobiles

I could have used that money for 5 trips to India

I could have used to repay my loan one month in advance etc.,

On that day, when I reached room, I was not able to see X’s face at all; I purposely avoided coming out of my room. Also which was really a pain for me because I feel that flat as my home and I have not considered it as my staying place. I was not able to sleep peacefully for the second night and this night was literally one of the worst nights in my life.

Only one question was in my mind that how can a person call for a party? Bet was not to give party. In fact the other friend asked me to give a party; I questioned him for what party. After seeing this how a person could ask this to me?

Hiding continued and I was totally feeling that I have to shift the house immediately. I have asked my friends to find a place also. I was thinking how to inform Mr.X or to convey that I am going to shift my residence.

I was in that flat very happily. I have seen some good and bad days in my day-to-day life. But even in sickness or any unhealthy atmosphere, I have not felt that I am losing my peace or happiness. After all we live to live happily not to suffer because of some unworthy things.

Some sufferings will bring happiness, that’s fine and this suffering is really imprudent.

Next day evening when I returned from office, I met Mr.X near the lift. Normally if we meet, we will greet and then we will leave. On that day, I was thinking to talk to him that I am going to shift the residence and was thinking how he will take it etc.,

When I saw him, I was not able to see or even smile at him as the pain was to a great extent. I know that he will be going for the prayers but I didn’t expect to meet him there.

I left the place without reacting to his greetings. I went inside my room and I felt the room where I am staying for the last 16 months started hating it. I thought that if I stay in that house for one more month, I will die of heart attack. I tried to cool myself but my pain was getting more and more and I was not ready to cool down.

Mr.X came back after prayers. Immediately he knocked my room and asked me to come to hall. I told him, I will come after sometime. He asked me to come immediately and gave the money back. I asked him what for you are returning. He said I think you misunderstood that I took the money as betting money, I kept it as Rental Advance only. If that is the case why you are returning? And he said you take now, I will take it later.

I took the money back but still I was not convinced. I felt our friendship like a broken glass. Even if we try to make all the pieces together, it will lose its originality and even Imtiaz also said the same when I told him that I got the money back.

The reason for sharing this as an experience is “it is really good experience for me and I learned too many things out of this experience”.

I may be wrong in judging a person, but I know where the mistake was. I should have seen the match inside my room. When Mr.X said that Uma will not go for betting, I should have accepted it and said even now I will not go for betting.

Before losing this bet, I know the pain of others by seeing them or feeling myself on their shoes, but I felt like a disaster when it happened with me. Of course I never felt this kind of pain when I used to think about problems as mine. I can learn from others mistake. But there are chances of committing the same mistake. But now, I will not go for betting anymore in my life. That is the special of learning from your own mistakes.

When I used to feel about the gamble in Mahabharata, I used to feel how god can give this kind of things happening. Instead of saying if you do this, you will face this problem, he can directly say don’t do this.

I started correlating the activities of my sacred books now. I learned the biggest lesson from Mahabharata after this betting. Yes if I read don’t do this, I will say I will do this and let me see what happens.

Now I feel that I have to read the Sacred books in the way it is written instead of doing my personal analysis on it. And finally to conclude, whatever happened is not for good but it was to happen.

When I wrote the above as what ever happened immediately my mind recalled the Bhagavad Gita slogan only.

Whatever happened, it happened well.
Whatever is happening, it is happening well.
Whatever will happen, it will also happen well.
What of yours did you lose?
Why or for what are you crying?
What did you bring with you, for you to lose it?
What did you create, for it to be wasted or destroyed?
Whatever you took, it was taken from here.
Whatever you gave, it was given from here.
Whatever is yours today, will belong to someone else tomorrow.
On another day, it will belong to yet another.
This change is the law of the universe.

May be this is the time; I have to accept the change.

Thanks for your time.

Betting More Pain than Profit