Tag Archive | regret

Forgive someone who betrayed you

How to forgive someone whom you love betrayed you?

There are people who come into our life as lesson, experience and for some reasons also. They can love you, hate you without reasons and it takes ages for us to know the reason of their entry.

Forgive someone: Who are we to forgive others? Is it possible for us to forgive ourselves? Ideally this is all about me and my mistakes.

1.    Loving that person is not her mistake, it is your mistake.

2.    Thinking someone as priority above you is not their mistake, it is your mistake.

3.    Allowing them to play with your feelings is your mistake not their mistake. Because they don’t know the meaning of love and they don’t know how it hurts when someone we love rejects it until they face it.

4.    Caring for someone who doesn’t care about others is your mistake not their mistake.

5.    Patience in handling them with all their negatives is not their mistakes, it is your mistake, be thankful to god that he gave someone in your life for whom you can adjust all the minuses and consider them as the plus of your life.

6.    Waiting patiently for them to change or to accept your love is not their mistake, it is your mistake.

7.    Being mad at someone is not their mistake and expecting them to have the same madness or considering their time pass habits as madness is your mistake not their mistake.

8.    Thinking people as reserved is your mistake, they are not ready to open up with you is the key criteria and it is not their mistake and it your mistake.

9.    If they can’t open up with their loved one’s they can’t do it with anyone.

Analyze the mistake, accept all the mistakes as yours – it is easy to forgive the other person.

Thing u need to know of how to forgive someone for something but still not forgetting about it. Forgetting can be hard to get rid of…

If you’re angry at someone for something they did to you try to put yourself in their shoes. A lot of times you can understand the other person actions if you try to see things their way. (No other option, if they don’t share the reason)

To have peace in our mind and life, it is better to forgive the person truly, because you love them so sincerely and you’re not going to be truly at peace until you forgive this person. (Love is always blind)

Keeping Moan or Grudges can cause stress for you only, so it is better to forgive them than to hold it as grudge. (It spoils our health)

Take time to forgive this person but do forgive. Take as much time as you want to forgive yourself. Don’t rush in this process, because it might allow you to do another mistake.

If you don’t forgive this person, it is not possible for you to forgive yourself.

After you forgive this person don’t bring up the past to your mind. The worst thing you can do is to get mad at them again and start bringing up what was said in past argument.

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Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

Hey Dear All,

I am not blogging this as a part of learning some religion or to follow some religion. I am sharing this because if you want to follow your own religion follow it from the heart. If something mentioned here is wrong, please take it as an opportunity to correct my wisdom on the given contents from any religions.

Don’t ever pretend or take the do-able content from your religion and don’t do or show off something  to give an impression to others that you are clear and clean by heart as the other feels that you are following your religion from heart.

Friendship is something which is very green and pleasant to everyone. Here and there some will come and do little harm, insult, but the best of all relationship is friendship, because it doesn’t have blood relationship. It is very usual for people to have friendships with others whom they interact with . Friendships can be formed through growing up in the same neighborhood, meeting at school, college, university, social gatherings , working environment, gym, pub, restaurant and via a number of other activities.

Friendship is something common among people, however there are different conceptions of it. Some common conceptions include the following: friends will always stick by your side, you can always rely on a friend, you can speak freely to your friend and tell them your problems, friends like you for who you are, etc. When people have personal problems such as disputes with their family members or if they need advice they usually turn to their friends.

Do you know why god has not gifted the art of reading others mind, because he wants us to have the privilege of trusting, understanding and have faith in others.

When you start telling lies to your friend, do you know how it hurts the other person? Even before telling lies, I told you I will be saying a part of my life story to you as a lie. I will not be true in one scenario. I didn’t tell any lies to you. That is called as Sincerity. I tried to give trust by all means but you failed to keep up the trust in any means.

When you hurt someone, I believe you should face her in a remorseful way to show that you never meant to hurt her. If I was in her shoes I would want to know everything that goes around me, and if I discover that my friend exposed something and I found that out from someone else I would really get aggravated and I would feel that my friend isn’t worth trusting. “ONCE A LIAR IS ALWAYS A LIAR”

Don’t lie to your friend: 
One thing it is HARAM, second she is trusting you so don’t betray that trust if you let her know now you have a better chance of being trusted again than you would if you keep lying.

FOLLOW WHAT EVER YOUR HEART TELLS YOU, DON’T DO SOMETHING THAT YOU MIGHT END UP IN REGRETTING.

I do regret because of trusting you in-spite of knowing that you are lying to me. Over again and again I trusted you. All my pain is because of the trust what I had in you and I have to suffer for trusting you to this level. Yes I deserve punishment from god. You made me not to trust anyone in my life.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

In Today’s fast world most common problem in human is cheating others easily or to make fun of someone true feelings. If you are not serious for anything then don’t such things. Cheating/Betrayal is very painful for everyone. After hell of pain and agony, I am saying the below to the fellow people.

I am neither a follower of Islam nor Christianity and I am true to my religion. Even we don’t need to follow any religion, but we should not do harm to anyone by any means. Harm – unknowingly we do hurt others, but knowingly hurting others and giving them pain is sin in all the religions. There is no compulsion in any religion. Right has become distinct from wrong. So whoever rejects evil and puts faith in God has grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks.

I believe that God is hearing, knowing, and loving us. We don’t need to depend on others, but very few will make us to depend on them in the name of love for fun and they will ruin others life. This is to make someone understand that what their religion says about lying.

During a course of chat conversation, she said, I didn’t lie anything to you to harm you. I agree with her, may be her assumption is right, but there is a trust created in me. It is getting killed by your false statement which you were not aware of it or what?

After reading the below also, if you feel that you are not a liar, I am ready to change my assumption of saying tahat you are liar/cheater for your sake, I will say to the world she is not a liar, she talks only truth, when I will say that, I will not be true to myself. But I am ready to accept that you are not a liar or a cheater.

Lying

cheat-us-islamLying is among the sins of the heart. It is to utter false information while knowing that what one is saying is not the truth. It is sinful (haram) whether done seriously or jokingly.

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, said:

La yasluhul-kadhibu fi jiddiw wala fi hazl.  Which means: “Lying is not good, whether in seriousness or joking.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, also said:   Iyyaka wal-kadhib, fa’innal-kadhiba yahdi ilal-fujur. Wa innal-fujura yahdi ilan-nar. Wala yazalul-^abdu yakdhibu wa yataharral-khadhiba hatta yuktaba ^indallahi kadhdhaba.

Which means: “Do not ever lie, because lying leads to very hateful sins, and those in turn lead to Hellfire. One keeps on lying and seeks to do that until one is recorded as a liar in some books of Allah.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah.)

After reading the above tell me, to whom you were sincere?? I don’t need to explain on this because when we tell lies, it means that you are killing the trust what the other person has on you. It need not harm them, but it is not going to help them or make them happy. When someone tells you, you look beautiful even though it is not from heart, that is not a lie, it makes someone happier for that moment. Telling someone a lie which is not going to harm them, or not going to have an impact on them, but still it is a kind of betrayal because the other person has so much trust on you that you will not tell any lies to her.

Trust, faith are something’s which you can’t get from someone without love. When someone trust you, you have to try to keep up the trust and not to misuse the trust. I showed my trust and faith because of the love what I had for you. Even though you have lived all your life only with lies, I have given more trust and trust and poured the faith, but failed to get even one percent of truth from you.

There are many things that are among the sins of the tongue and fall under the class of lying. They include: swearing by Allah to a lie, false testimony, and falsely attributing something to Allah and His Prophet.

When you promised something to me in the name of god, I was not able to feel it as a truth, because you are born to tell only lies. By swearing-in the name of god, you made me to feel that it need not a truth and made me to feel that even in the name of god she will tell lies. That is the trust what you have given to me. I swear, I got an impression, she will do any harm in the name of god also and she will say it is not harm.

Swearing by Allah to a Lie:

It is one of the major sins. It is for one to swear by Allah to something that is opposite to the truth. An example is if one says, “By Allah, I did such and such” while knowing that one did not do that action. Similarly, if one says, “By Allah I did not do such and such” when one has done it. This is to be considered using God’s name in vain, which indicates falling short of glorifying Allah properly.

I do believe that you will not lie in the name of god but when you say 10000 lies, even a truth in the name of god becomes a false statement.

False testimony: This is one of the enormous sins. An example is for one to testify in front of a judge that someone stole something while one knows that it did not happen. “False testimony is like claiming that Allah has partners.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

Because of all your lies, now I feel even a true testimony from you whether it will be a truth or false statement? How do you expect me to trust you?

Severing the Obligatory Ties of Kinship

Severing the ties of kinship is among the sins of the body, and it is a major sin. This is done by breaking the hearts of the relatives by refusing to be good-hearted when they financially need money, or by leaving out visiting them without an excuse. If one usually helps one’s relatives, then one lost the money, or one found a more urgent need for it, then one would not be sinful for not offering it to one’s relatives. Avoiding people because they did something wrong to you or they tried to correct your mistakes or they treated you badly.

I don’t need to say about this, when one of your colleague was giving a party and the way you avoided it shows what kind of Muslim you are? When you can do this kind of arrogant attitude with a fellow Muslim lady, I can expect that you will do any kind of harm to me as I am from a different religion. When I heard it, I felt so bad because the way I had the trust in you, I thought you will not do these kind of silly things. How could you do this? whatever you discussed with me were words from your mouth not from heart.

Promotions are decided by the people who are ahead of us and if we don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve it, god wanted someone else to get benefit out of it. You were saying that what is there I will get it when it is destined to me.. Now even if you get it doesn’t going to make anyone happy because the way you reacted to others happiness, will impact yours as well. I know you will not mind it because only humans will have

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allaah is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing.” [Quran 2:263]

I know how much I have forgiven you and tried to hold you not with hands, but with love and care, but you spoiled not only my trust but also killed my each and every cell with your ill attitude and behavior. I really don’t know how your parents will take when they hear about you from others, but I was brutally killed and I don’t feel like I have to live or to love anyone. You made me a dead body. I have life, but living like a dead body in grief because of the love for you.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood – God is with me, that’s why he made me to realize all your colors and made me to feel that this is a punishment for loving, trusting, caring, and showing the real affection to a person who don’t deserve it.

 Imām `Alī ibn Husayn (a.s.),

used to say to his son:“Keep away from little and big lies whether you are serious or kidding! Whoever tells lies in childhood, will do so in adulthood.”  Do you not know that the Messenger of Allāh (s.w.t) has said:
‘A servant may keep on speaking truthfully until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very truthful one, and a servant may keep on telling lies until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very lying one.’

[Reference: Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 69, p. 234]

To Speak the TRUTH, you don’t need to follow any RELIGION, just you need to follow your HEART. I quoted the above from your religion because you wrapped yourself saying that you are following your RELIGION and as per your Religion – how you need to be and what you are? You are not true even to god 😦 . 

Whatever I have given here are just to say that this is what you have to do, there is lot many more to come in your life and don’t give them the same pain. I am saying all these as  vent out all my pain, caused by you, without doing any harm to you. Even this is to guide you, to make you right in your way. If god can help you to correct your way, I will be thankful to him. I know I can’t do it, but god has to talk to you in a way so as you can change yourself. Of course he will touch you, if you don’t listen to him, he will shake you, if you don’t listen, then he will take the root so as you will know what you are doing is right or wrong.

Even after reading all this family values, if you say that you have a family value, oh god, what kind of value it is , please make me to understand it…..

Boss

I started writing this content 3 years back and finally I got a chance to post it today. I was not able to make it shorter than this because the first version was 300 times more than this. My cousin wanted me to write a novel, I hope people  will have patience to read this, if so I can try to go for it as well.

I am very happy to write a note about him in my blog and he is the only person whom I respect as my professional guru and it’s my pleasure to say that I was reporting to him. Yeah I was reporting to him, not now. It is not only that I admire him as my boss and also as a person with ethics.

Whatever decisions I have taken in my life, I have no regrets and in the same way I have no regrets of leaving my previous organization, but I do regret that I will not get a boss like him in my life time.  I will not say a manager as my boss. This boss has lot of differences compared to other managers. Anyone can become a manager if they have luck.

Of course I don’t need any boss now.  I feel that I have learned the techniques from him how to be a good boss and it’s time for me to show the world what my boss taught me.

I will say one of the best periods of my career life is working under him.  Not only best period, longest tenure of my career life under one person is really a big achievement not for me but for him because I will not think anyone as my superior. I work with my own protocols and I want the person to whom I report should guide not to dictate and not to expect to handle everything by the subordinate.

I assure you that I will try to be a good boss like you.

There are people working under him for more than 4-5 years but I don’t know whether they have seen the moon light effect what I have learned from him or the feeling of having a good boss.

Generally we don’t get choices to select who should be our superior.  But I got the chance to decide under whom I have to work. When I was working as consultant I was reporting him, and I felt that I have to work under him directly. Even though I was a consultant, he has not shown any injustice to me as a consultant.

If someone asks me what are the qualities and to measure a boss, then my answer will be like Mr.Anindya Garai irrespective of his minuses….

Let me take the opportunity to wish him a very pleasant and happy birthday. Many More Happy Returns of the Day.

What is so great in him? What is there to write about him? Normally nobody wish to write about boss, if at all they write they will not write in a positive manner.

What are the techniques that I learned to write about or to think so great about him?

In simple, I can say my previous blog on attitude is also because of his teachings.

To manage a team of people:

It is easy to manage a team of people working in the same stream provided the manager/boss knows little of that stream. But it is very difficult to manage people working in different streams. Despite the diversity of occupations and the differences in individual managers under him, he handled them very gently and got the hold with him.

Most of the Managers don’t get the respect or the honor from the sub ordinates. Like a boy watching the cows in a farm is easy. Can the same boy watch the Lion, Tiger, buffalo? The reason for my high regards for him is he managed all lion, tigers and made them as cat in front of him without any swords, AK47’s. Just with a smile.

Be willing to coach and to support people

He was so good in coaching and to support his team. He was with us all the time and all his efforts were constructively to correct performance problems. Best of his part was he used to bat for his subordinates as a captain with other teams. This point I should say as one of the most important aspects of effective leadership which I learned from him. Of course I got the desire to learn it and you can’t coach someone who doesn’t wish to learn.

Provide clear route map for the team

We must be clear of what we are going to do.  Give subordinates clear-cut decisions when they are in need.

Delegation of Responsibility

Once it is assigned, then he will not worry or query what the status is till we finish the task.  Definitely he will have the on-going controls. This means following up on important issues and actions and giving sub ordinates feedback on how they are doing or how it has to be done.

Open Communication

He is very honest, open in communication, and he was very straight in the communication which allows the sub ordinates to feel the relationship as strong.

Recognition

He will recognize the right person for the right job and do it on right time. He will recognize the hard work, sincerity of the team members and also recognize for good performance more often than criticizing them for performance problems. He might not reward the people on face, but I hope he will be doing it during the performance Appraisals. Problem is only who work needs to work and the others will be taking rest which is a bad practice.

Freedom to Work

He provided an environment to work freely. He provided us the required infrastructure to work.

Secrets to share

All the people don’t get a boss to be trustworthy to the sub ordinates. If I want to watch a movie and if I wish to go, I have the trust to inform him and go. It can’t happen with all the superiors. He gave that trust and made us to be frank.

Budget for the Department

He is a boss who used to discuss the positive and negative sides of his budget, how to cut short the expenses with the existing staff and resources.

HOW TO CORRECT AND MOVE ON MISTAKES AT WORKPLACE?

He knows that under tremendous pressure, always there is room for mistakes – may be one of the reasons for his success. Not many bosses realize that it is tough to be too perfect.

Mistakes are our teachers and accepting them and learning from them help us to progress in life.

I really learned to accept the mistakes and knowing how to deal with mistakes at workplace only because of him. The trouble is in not making mistakes but to accept it to the superior as well as to correct the mistakes. In my tenure under him, I felt that I have accepted my mistakes in my work and also following the same.

When we accept the mistake, first question from him will be you did a mistake? (This shows that how much confidence he has on his sub ordinates) instead of analyzing about the reason, he will ask how to correct it. Even my mistakes will not be penalized and it really helped me a lot to do my job efficiently under him.

By confessing the mistakes, we don’t get penalized but we learn the lessons.

The same mistake will not happen under his supervision as he lets us to do mistakes and to correct. When we correct our mistakes and we will be very careful & cautious not to do the same mistakes and we know that forgetting and letting go off mistakes becomes problematic.

He gave us the work culture to learn and experiment and inspired self-assurance to all of us. It’s really tough to give freedom to the subordinates and also to give satisfaction to them.

It may not happen with another superior but I learned to accept the mistakes and I will admit my mistakes irrespective of the superior’s reactions to it. Thank you.

Man of a good character

A female and a male boss always will create problems irrespective of their age group and profiles. No matter what age bracket you fall into, you have to maintain your reputation in and out of the organization at all levels. I used to think when I was in teens, only now people will gossip and talk at the back and as you get older these will not be there but I feel that this will not stop even if you grow older. I learned from him that it is not possible to avoid these shabby thinking. Let them think do you bother about it?

Brain Health Activities

One of the best things I admire in him and I learned from him is to exercise my brain. We will be able to do anything physically or mentally only when our brain is active.  He made my brain to work so effectively, it’s vital that we should take care of our brain and use it properly.

Some of the best ways to keep your brain active include:

  • Learn new things.
  • Read as much as you can.
  • Take a class in something you enjoy.
  • Challenge yourself with crosswords, Sudoku, or similar puzzles.
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.
  • Listen Songs, Watch Movies, Plays (Even now I have the DVD’s given by you) .
  • Research and learn about new things that interest you.
  • Talk about intellectual pursuits, take a class together, or learn something new with your friends or family.
  • Even if you live alone or don’t have a lot of people you’re close to, the Internet brings brain activity boosters right to your fingertips. (of course he will comment us in a meeting room if we use the G-talk for chatting)
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.

Never write an email when you’re mad or upset

In a reactive or upset state of mind, or when you’re lacking judgment or perspective, it’s easy to act impulsively rather than with serenity and wisdom. In the click of Send button, you can confuse someone, hurt their feelings, irritate them, or even destroy a very good genuine relationship.

This is what happened with me, I sent an email to the top management against him. When some things go wrong in your personal life, and everything goes wrong in the official environment also.  I had couple of personal issues and along with those official problems as well and from both the end I lost couple of good people in my life. As I was hurt deeply and was unable to come out of the pain, I sent a rubbish mail just to cool down myself.

I learned it very late never write an email when you’re mad or upset. Even though you are hurt or the flip side of the issue is true or when you are upset with someone and tempted to share your feelings don’t choose the method of email. If you can suppress your feelings, it pays enormous dividends. Just by a single click of send if you express, it will adversely affect instead of making ourselves cool.

Normally I don’t regret for anything. Only thing for which I regret is that I did this mistake against my boss whom I respect and value more. But that was a decision taken when I was upset, I wanted to share my personal views with him and that was the reason for drafting that mail. I really feel bad of myself for not discussing the same with him in person and sending that mail and I wish and pray that I should not do it in my lifetime with anyone else.

I should not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these with me

Select the right people to staff the team/organization

I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization. I learned it from him but in a different way.

More often I remember these quotes with my boss and my experiences in my everyday routine. Even though he is not nearby me, I feel that these quotes are said by him to me.

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life, makes all the difference. He knows exactly what is the effort required and who will do it properly and he will assign it to the right person @ right time.

An expert is not someone who knows everything but ready to share what he knows. I don’t think he will share his knowledge with a person who is not going to use it.

Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – I learned this from him, I was very happy working under him, that maybe the reason for doing my work successfully. One of the reason for me to write this content, because I learned to enjoy my work when I was working under him.

I will not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these secrets or lessons, I failed to learn from him.

Select the right people to staff the team/organization – I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization.

Divide and Rule

Keeping the team separately from their domain, he knows the tactics to make the people to work for him independently by divide and rule. I really felt this after working under him for more than two years. I may be wrong but when we got the differences settled within the team, we find that the problem is with the boss not within our team. I may be wrong, but we had a feeling that boss did this. How can my boss do this to me was the first question raised in my mind, when we resolved the differences.

My Trust with my boss

The kind of trust what I had on him is unbelievable and may be it caused more pain and made me to resign. I worked under him with passion and not for money.

Sir do you know what was my belief in you? I want you to share this with all my fellow colleagues too.

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:  “Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.” The little girl said:
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.” 

What’s the difference? Father asked.
There’s a big difference, replied the little girl.
If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.  So it’s how the other person responds whether tries to hold or expecting us to hold….

Really it was nice to travel with you, it was too long journey and I felt very hard to come out of it. Even today I feel and miss that working environment. You will cross my mind at least once in an hour. (When I enter the office, the security wishing good morning, or in a meeting room lead by some project manager or a discussion with other client or when I browse in the net or in Google Talk chat….)

I feel that I should have started this blogging 3 years back instead of asking you to start to have all your discussions and ideas in a blog, I should have started so as I can have each and everything I learned from you for review or to read it when I need it.

I miss your teachings…

I miss our healthy arguments…

I miss your general discussions….

I miss your guidance to approach an issue…

Sometimes, I used to feel that you are sitting in front and used to have a chat/ heated discussions within myself and I used to get a good solution.

Sir, I know the difference of a consultant and a manager only because of you…. You wanted me to be in the management and I preferred to be a consultant… I am grown up now and prefer to be a manager. Hope to go to that level soon….

! ! ! Happy Birthday to you ! ! !