Tag Archive | parents

Life after marriage

This is one subject which I was talking with my office colleague who was from a different country and more interestingly to other nationality to say that the life changes for a Girl in India after Marriage.

Marriage is not the unity of two bodies, but union of two souls as one with more care for each other, love for them, trust in them. Marriage changes drastically in both men and women, because they started to share their feelings for each other and start living together.

The changes are for both, but it is obvious that the changes in women are more as she leave her house and enters a strangers house leaving all the happiness and freedom and more importantly the love of her family.  As like the guys, even the girls were living their life without any responsibilities and they are accountable only for their chit chats and small/big fights with their siblings.

This is one thing which the most men doesn’t understand that she comes in as a stranger and it is his responsibility to make her feel comfortable in the new house and make the relationship grow with each others in his family and to treat her as one in the family.

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How to get prepared for a marriage?

It is not so easy to get prepared for the marriage. You can never be prepared for the Marriage. It is said that you are going to marry a person and become as a new personality. You will never be able to see you in you, because that you is going to change with a knot as ‘WE’. (Whether it changes for both becomes the question of the marriage life)

It is a change process of Girl to grow as a woman, but where in we expect the girl to act as a woman from the day 1 and that is where the problems in the family arises. Whereas the guy takes his time to change and grow from a guy to a man. He has the liberty to meet his friends, dine with his friends and to continue his routines as he was before marriage.

You will not know when you will grow and how you will grow and change in the relationship and how they will grow and change. It needs time for both the woman and man to get adopted for the change.

Whether the Girl gets married at 18 or 28, irrespective of her age, she has to become a smart woman, a great home maker as soon as she gets married.

As a spinster, she would never ever thought that her life will change so drastically upside down like anything after her marriage, if so she would have prepared herself for the same.

Most of the girls are grown up as like the guys and even more with love and care because she is meant to leave the house with a stranger as his wife and need to have all her life and happiness in her mother’s house.

It is true that the girl who is a spinster has the liberty for the following.

First and foremost is leaving her house and entering to a strangers house with 100 folds of responsibilities of about which she has no clues also.  She has to leave her surname and take up her husbands name as her surname/second name which dominates to say that there is no relationship or responsibilities with her parents.

Early Morning is @ her convenience

Get up early by 9 or 10:00 AM, without any worries. If the girl is a school or college goer then she will wake up exactly 15 minutes before and get ready in 10 minutes, her breakfast along with her coffee will be ready.

For some girls, the coffee goes to her bed and she will wake up with her mothers face asking her to get ready for her classes.

After Marriage, she has to get up and make the bed coffee for her lovely husband and his family. There is no one to ask her whether she has taken her coffee. Even before the coffee shop gets over, this little girl has to get ready to make the breakfast for the family where the individuals will have their own choices.

Early Morning remains same for the guy – Either way he will get his bed coffee only change would be from mother to wife. There is no change in the way he gets up or going to bed as a man.

This morning becomes night mare for the women of India after having couple of kids, because it is mothers responsibility to get up early and to make them ready till drop them in the school.

It is a sweet responsibility to take care of the entire house members and it will become the prime responsibility for the women to take care of the needs of the immediate family members. If at all the in-laws are nice, then it becomes a sweet responsibility and she will start loving it without feeling it as a burden, but most of the cases it is wise versa and she does it only to save her marriage and to save the name of her parents.

The guy becomes needs to be more responsible if it is a nuclear family, because the house was taken care by his father and the finances were handled by mother and he was not accountable for anything at home. When he starts his life with a new girl, he has to be more sensible, responsible to handle everything.

Decision Making @ her Choice

This is one thing which the woman has to forget after marriage, she was the one who used to take the decisions be it for her day to day life or education or job. Before marriage it was only you will get affected and the actions after the decisions are going to impact only one person.

After marriage she needs to think more to take a decision as it is going to affect both of them and the decision whatever she is going to take has to be accepted by her husband and his family and at times the decisions are being dictated to her.

Increase of Patience to great heights

There was times wherein she will get high BP and fight with mother for more sugar in coffee or no salt in the food or scream with brothers for petty issues like for taking pencil or pen or cycle. When father shouts, she has the liberty to break out and cry, shed tears to bring down the normalcy at home.

After marriage, she will not have the chance to break out or vent out anything. She will be the one who used to add more sugar or no sugar or salt and there will be no one to ask permissions to use her things. This patience is the success key to the marriage wherein you suppress all your feelings to save your marriage and when you learn this Technic to suppress your feelings, the patience level increases.

It was easy for her to speak to her family members without even thinking anything as a word out of anger, but when it is after marriage she needs to think thrice before she speaks as it is going to harm her marriage life.

Priorities Changes after marriage

There was no priorities in life for both guy and girl before marriage. They were meant to go to school, enjoy their life with friends, have fun. Both of them would have been hanging with friends, working late night in the office, going for parties etc., As an individual, only friends, your job was the priority.

For the girls, needless to say that her priority changes from her to him and his family. She becomes more sensitive towards him and his family. She tries to make them as her. The you of her gets converted to him and his family as priorities. The changes of hanging out with friends very rare cases and even if they get a chance to hang around, her family runs behind her mind, family, expenses, happiness of the family goes on in her mind.

She says good-bye to her best buddies and she is ready to miss the most lovable part of her time with her friends, late night out or any tour and travel with her friends. She makes it as history and when someone reminds her then she thinks about it and say yes I was like that but now I don’t have time to think and even if she has time to think, she doesn’t want to do it as her mind keeps on thinking about this family of hers which never thinks her as one in that family.

For the guys, yes it changes but not to that great level of a woman. It changes from his family to his family with added responsibilities of his wife.

For the guys, it remains same irrespective of the family responsibilities being taken by him or not.

Become a visitor to your Parents house

You are being invited for your parents house for any occasions or to spend time with them. You are being treated like a prince in your own house which you used to enjoy when you were single and now the love becomes more but still your heart thinks about Your(his) family.

Life is beautiful today, Love it enjoy it and don’t ever think that life after marriage is going to be beautiful, but yes for sure it is beautiful with lot of challenges and changes in both of you.

Life is meant with full of change, challenge, courage,choices and compromises. Do the right choice to challenge your life with courage and to look forward for the changes what it brings to you in life with little compromises.

With lot of compromises, you can get good choice of husband who will challenge the world for you with courage and change his world as you. 

love marriage

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DIWALI in UAE

Diwali Celebrations

Diwali is one of the most important festivals of all the Hindus living all over the world.  I was not able to celebrate almost any festivals after my grandmother’s death, as I have learnt all the festivals from her. Hinduism also was taught by her with the help of these festivals. I don’t remember whether she taught us the reason for the festivals, but I know for sure she used to make all the festivals a grand gala one with love filled feast.

Diwali is one good festival taught by her, who used to make lot of sweets, savories and make us very happy with whatever way she could do it. whatever money i would have burnt as crackers was really a needy one for the next day survival, but she has given it with pure love for me to burn it as crackers. Without anyone’s help the way she used to prepare the sweets for us is one precious moment which will not come in my life, even if 10 or 100 members does with love and care, it will not be equal to that of my grand mother.

Almost all the kids at home learnt it through her but the impact of festivals with my grandmother was more with me. The care and love shown by her towards me was mammoth. I can’t feel that love and care from anyone else. That is one of the reason for not celebrating any festivals in the past6-7 years. It is very difficult to articulate the feelings with words, but only those who have seen us or felt our love can understand the reason behind it.

It is almost 6 years in UAE and the life in UAE also has given a lot of change in me. One of my aunty used to call us during the Eid’s to check whether I am at home. As we get couple of holidays, I utilize those public holidays along with annual leaves, I used to go on a short vacation back home.

Being a Hindu, I failed to celebrate most of the festivals and I used to give a nasty dialogue also that festivals are for eating and I am having everything and whenever I want I can have it. 

Somewhat in the last 6 years, I never felt that I have to celebrate Diwali or Pongal. This year I wished to celebrate it in UAE. Normally atmosphere will not help to celebrate any festivals, apart from the Onam as there are lot of Malayalees in every organization. We don’t get the pleasure of Holidays for the Hindu festivals as we have in India. Being in a Muslim country, I can’t expect it as well :). Life used to be mechanical even on the days of festivals as we will be working.

Most of our colleagues are Muslims and most of the time they don’t even wish us for our festivals(not all there are few who respect the others), which I am not saying as wrong, it might be as per their belief in their religion. As usual this year also I was in between Muslims and all of them are from Pakistan.

My mind wanted to celebrate Diwali in UAE because of some good heart which was forcing me to buy new dress and wanted me to celebrate Diwali, fortunately she is also a Muslim.

I was talking to my colleagues about Diwali and we planned to celebrate it in office. Day before Diwali, I bought some sweets &  savouries.  I wanted to light my room with Diya’s, so bought candles, but my room was in total mess as I shifted to the new room and was not settled in the room. Somehow managed to light the candles and performed my usual rituals by lighting the Diya’s.

The day before Diwali, I got a wonderful Diwali greetings which was again from a Muslim and the way he wished me was the best wish in my life. Diwali wishes to you in advance, tomorrow I will be busy and will not be able to wish you, let the lights festival bring the shine to you and no more tears or hurts. I pray the one almighty in which you also believe to keep you happy was the wishes for me.

On the day of Diwali, again the first wish was from a Muslim and she wished it with great love and care. Got up with lovely wishes and as usual followed the rituals, missing my mother who used to keep oil to take bath and the sweet memories of getting the new dress from father. In the last 5 years I was not feeling for these oil bath or for getting the new dress. Somehow this year was feeling as if I am just 10 years old.  After sometime the whatsapp messages with family asking for Ganga Snanam.

As usual got late to office because of sharing the Diwali greetings with Family in whatsapp. Started to office with full of love and happiness carrying the sweets and forgot to take the wallet. Again turned back from the bus stop to my room to take the wallet and reached office.

Partying is not new to us whether it is office colleagues or with my friends, I used to have a extra luxury foodie when it is a party from me. We never had any issues within my team being from two (different) rivalry nations. We never had any heated arguments or discussions, irrespective of the discussions we used to have about the countries and religion as well.

I distributed the sweets to my team and asked the office boy to distribute it to other staffs in the office. Diwali started with sweets, coffee/tea. When it was lunch time, I asked the team to order food for them and being a vegetarian it was not easy for me to take them out on Diwali day, as I preferred to heavy Veg meals.

The ladies group preferred to have veg and for the guys, it was their choice to go with the grilled chicken. The one who was about to order messaged me is it okay to go as the cost was little high, if not we will order somewhere else, I asked him to go ahead as it matters with food not with the cost.

It took very long for them to get the food, and by the time it reached, I finished my lunch, had a skype chat with my mother, sisters & kids.

After the lunch, we had sweets again and the team was so happy, even I felt very happy when one of the guy said we feel that we are celebrating one more EID today. Before the celebration, that was in my mind, that at least one should say that we celebrated our Eid today. I was so happy feeling that god has come down to witness the Harmony in people. It is human nature to have peace and love for each other. Only the Politicians make the region, religion as weapon to fight against each other.

Thanks a lot for making me to celebrate my Diwali and this Diwali will be in my heart forever as I have celebrated it only with Muslims and for giving the feeling of celebration. Whether it is Eid or Diwali, celebration only matters and I do celebrate CHRISTMAS, DIWALI & EID.

After 5 Diwali in UAE, this Diwali is one of the most  memorable diwali and it is gonna be the best DIWALI of my life. I may not be able to get such a good feeling of Humanity and Happiness in my life on a Festival day.

This has shown me that the mind of Human wishes happiness only and it can be achieved with love and care irrespective of the religion, caste etc., This DIWALI increased the faith in ISLAM, this Diwali increased the faith in Human, this Diwali increased the faith in Respect for each other, this Diwali increased the faith in LOVE and wish many more Diwali’s to come in the similar way to keep the Harmony keep spreading….

No Ganga Snanam, No Crackers, No Granny, No Namaskaram’s, No Blessings (Didn’t get any blessings from the elders of the family) still this is the best DIWALI for me. Festival of Light for sure made me to shine with a bright smile in my face by end of the day.

YES we are united irrespective of the Nationality 🙂 First Wish to celebrate Diwali started from Sri Lankan, First Wish from Sri Lankan and the day was with Pakistani’s. 

I don’t know whether I will get this privilege to say that I celebrated my Diwali with Indians so happily, but for sure I was very happy because of my those 7 wonders of my Team & the great family from Sri Lanka.

(ALLAH) GOD BLESS ALL

Corruption

When the entire nation is talking about the anti-corruption, I am gonna to discuss about corruption. Corruption is one of the thing starts with bribing and it is not new phenomena in Indian History. Corruption is not only an Indian Phenomena but also widely spread across the world. Corruption, Cheaters are there from the beginning and there are a lot of people crucified, killed because of the corruption.

How does the corruption survive or to spread so fast?

Today we call the world as fast-moving world. we want everything fast. The reasons fr corruption could be many things like political reason, weak administration etc., which is going to say that my government is not effective.  I am not here to discuss about the Government issues or the Business needs which creates the huge corruption in INDIA.

What is the issue ? where is the issue? how to eradicate the corruption ? I don’t want to discuss on how to eradicate the corruption as there are many people started activities and talks are going on. Either they will clean or they will end up their life in the mud.

How I am seeing the Corruption? Where it starts?

Corruption starts from the home. I know most of you will be shocked. But I can say that each and every one of us learned corruption from our home and we teach the same funda to our kids and it goes on. It starts with the elders and it goes to the kids. For an Example. I want to go to the nearby shop to get some immediate stuff. I am not in a neat and clean attire or am busy with some other household activity. I want my son/younger brother to go and get the stuffs, who is busy with his own activities.

What do I do to make him to go and get the stuff?

I tell him, please go and buy this, he will say that he is busy with his work and if it is urgent, you go and get it. I will tell him please do this for me and you buy something whatever he likes.

What am I doing?

Bribing my own son/brother for my own necessity for the family. I don’t have patience to make him to understand that it is really required urgently.  or

I should have dressed up/finish my current activity and get the required stuff. I am not ready to do both the things.

Is it my laziness or understanding capacities or trying to get the things done of being eldest by showing the power and money?? how to name it?

Another Scenario :

I have son and daughter at home. what do I do with them? Always Bribing the kids. Bribing certainly not with money but with power and luxuries.

What do I do when my daughter doesn’t study? What do I do when my son doesn’t Study? I bribe them.

I don’t have the capacity to make them to feel that they have to eat or they have to study, I will simply tell them if you eat now, I will allow you to watch Pogo TV. If you finish your homework you can watch your Chutti TV.

Now a days kids are smarter, you tell them once, they will remember it forever. Instead of you telling it for the second time, they will say you want me to eat, then you should do this, I will study now, but you have to take me to Cinema.

How can I expect a cleaner or without corruption in  India when I am not able to handle the small kids?

Is it not my responsibility to make my daughter to eat food on time. Is it not a discipline that I need to inculcate in my son to continue his studies everyday as a routine.

Is it not my responsibility to give them the basic needs without bribing them?

Is it not my responsibility to train them about their responsibilities?

If I allow them to take bribe from me, am I not teaching them corruption? am I not responsible for the corruption?

If I teach them the basics at home, then they will learn the good and bad, do’s and don’t’s on their own.

I have to teach them the patience, how to avoid laziness, to follow the process, and to do anything with discipline.

CORRUPTION is not a  new phenomena, but to eradicate, we need to be disciplined.

Just that I can’t go and get a driving license in Dubai  and I am ready to wait with patience and ready to follow the process. I am ready to give up my driving passion also for the money what I have spent and I am not interested to own a car and drive on my own. I am ready to use the public transport. Why is it so? 

Dowry – Dowry – Dowry – Dowry

No to Dowry

No to DowryDowry

While I was talking to a friend a spark ignited in my mind with this topic ” Dowry system”. The curse of the dowry system comes into the mind of the father as soon as he hears that it is a girl baby. It is a curse to be born as a female in the India. This system is found in both rich and poor community.

We call the country as Bharat mata, all the river named as females but when a girl baby is born, we are feeling so scared to bring her up. The moment which a father needs to cherish, becomes a volcano, oh god, I have to save for her from now onwards to get her married. The parents of the new born are under pressure as they have to think about bringing up their little baby to brides are put to inhuman pressure by this so called society.

Dowry system – are these men selling themselves? Are we doing any barter system, barter is a system of exchange of goods or services for the goods or services. Even if it is a barter system, then the girl is going to the guy’s house with all the required household items.

I really wonder how a father do this cruelty to the daughters by giving them the dowry, jewels, car, household things?  Are these girls getting married or even we can’t say that they are buying the bride groom as these girls leave their parents and go to a stranger’s house. If these are the demands, then the groom has to come to the girl’s house, unfortunately the girls goes to the guy’s house to do the slavery, an additional servant maid in the name of daughter-in-law.

Are these girls being given justice? Do we women feel for this cruelty? Not really, we tend to take as much as we could and enter in to the new house. Till the time the women society wakes up and gives a warning to the community that they prefer to be single rather than marrying someone by giving dowry, only then we can see the changes.

Demanding cash, car, jewellery and costly home appliances and other valuables do exists in almost all the religions and communities.  Where the sacredness of the marriage lies when they do it like a business?

A marriage life that starts with such a business deal can never by happy. All the noble virtues of human beings like love, affection, sense of equality, gentleness, sympathy, kindness etc. are burnt like rotten corpses.

When you talk about marriage, talk about the capacity of the girl and guy to handle the life together not in terms of money, but interms of love, care, affection, understanding and compromises. How does the girl will get the trust of a man when he is getting handful (no suitcase full of money/no house full of money) from the girls family?

I am not articulating this in favor of women; I am speaking about this as innumerable women being affected. I am expressing this for the fathers who suffer to get rid of their daughters. I put into words to say that women are not burdens. I speak about this to bring up that the brides have feelings and they are also human and trying to motivate them by recalling their hopes & dreams.

Teach my women not to give up your hopes & dreams by giving up dowry. Is it not a great humiliation for the woman who has to serve all her time with the in-laws and husband for the sake of the family life to give dowry?

Are these fathers not feeling shame to get rid of their daughters by giving dowry? What kind of parents are you? Aren’t you doing disgrace for the womanhood?

Marriage is not taking dowry to make my daughter as your wife, it is give your love and care and make my princess as your queen, at least don’t send her as a servant.

If our guys don’t have the back bone, is it good to be with him and share or start your life with a guy who demands dowry and other stuffs to prove his capacity in the society. My dear young ladies, prove your capacity that you can live without these men.

Women are not saleable commodity and if at all also, we don’t need to pay dowry and it needs to be done by the men to prove that they are capable of making these women happy after they enter into the wedlock. I really don’t understand why should we do this crap marriage by giving dowry?

I am shattered by the way our fellow females are suffering because of these dowry system, what if even after fulfilling all the demands, if the girl has some problem or if the guy is not expected or if the guy tries to torture the girl for more money or for some reason, if the marriage breaks, who is there to support the female as the father has got rid of his responsibility, father wanted to throw his burden to other guy and he paid off his debt by giving her married to a worthless guy? Let the guy be a good person and if the guy dies in an accident then who is there to help the girl?  What will my daughter do to survive her next 35-40 years of life?

Father doesn’t have the ability to support her because he has done everything to her to get her married. Even the woman cannot tell that she is suffering because of the money what the parents have spent for the sake of her happiness. How are we going to handle the tragedies of the life faced by the women after marriage?

When the women themselves rise against the humiliation of dowry, the society would be forced to change its attitude to them. Women must be trained since girlhood that their life is not hopeless without marriage. They should be encouraged to have higher education. When the women themselves rise against the ignominy of dowry, the society would be forced to change its attitude to them

What you sow is what you reap, but if you try to say no to dowry today, it will save you and your daughter tomorrow. Give respect to the feelings of others, don’t crush the flower and try to smell it.

Vacation-al husbands-3

The reason for the above question is not based on assumptions; it is based on experiences I am facing with this dirty world. Now a days guys are very open and freeky to question to a woman who is married/divorced or single to ask her can you live with me in a relationship ( this means like a wife but I can’t marry you).

Aren’t we giving the chance for the spouse to make mistakes by allowing them to live alone for the sake of economic development or for his career/professional growth?

I am not saying all guys are wrong, out of 90% of friends 1% would have tried the above question with me and I have all the rights to say this to the fellow females not to allow their husbands to stay away from them for any reason. It is their choice and even the female can go and live with anyone.

For economic conditions sake, they will do anything and they don’t want to keep the promise what the marriage says to them. Neither they are sharing their life’s joy and sorrow with each other. They want to share their happiness in terms of money not in terms of caring for each other with lovable, affectionate and caring ways.

Main reason for posting this article is not to hurt anyone’s feelings or to pin point anyone’s mistakes, but to say that it is world of rubbish people around us and what we need is what we have to decide and I don’t know what these friends of mine really feel as blessed or living a life of perfection. As they condemn others at their back.

Whether the relationship between a husband and wife are going on fantastic or not, if the husband is not living with a female, then the life of the female will undergo many critics in her life. Without doing any mistakes, the female has to go for Agni pariksha as like the Sita of Ramayana. Agni pariksha for Sita happened long long ago and the same continues for all the females, even though we call this world is changed, revolution, rebellions, technology etc., but nothing changes the minds of the men(Indian men).

Whether it is having doubt on his wife or calling a female to his bed it is by men only but the effect of it goes only for the female not for the men.

It is easy for a colleague to give filthy comment with a boss about a female who lives single after marriage because he knows that husband is not around and if the female is little closer or even if she talks casually with someone and avoids others for some personal reason, the guys take advantage to hurt the female by talking rubbish. It is easy for them to handle it in that way and to play with the weakness of a female.  the same comments he will not pass with the same female if the female is living with her husband, because the value of the marriage lies in that home where the guy lives and in the heart of the female.

A husband has to stay with the wife to make the love and romance of their life to exist till end of their life. “Love doesn’t sit in a heart like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made every day, made new.”

Female will get all the desired gifts with the money earned by her husband or by herself, but the precious gift of admiration can only be done by a husband. If that also has to be done by her colleagues and others then what is the need for this husband.

This distance provides two scenario’s in their life.

Love grows in the heart of the couples when the distance is for short-term (mostly with women)

Out of sight and out of mind (mostly with men) comes when the separation is meant for long-term or destined to be forever conditions. (most of the women also takes this as a chance to flirt with other men because why boys should have all the fun, let me also date with another lady’s husband)

Both men and women get engaged in their routine and for the fascinating life, they try to expose their positive sides to those who are around and start with flirting and if it works out , they get into an extra marital affairs.

In most of the cases the physical separation of husband and wives leads to have one or more affairs only whether it is for the pleasure or due to the pressure of the current atmosphere GOK (God only knows).

I believe such a separation for economic reasons, has to be avoided.

Is it the same case with all the couples? Certainly not, because the couples who has got kids and have spent their life for 4-6 years together, it varies with them. It is mostly dependent on the individuals and the love they have for each other. When it is for the welfare of the kids, I believe in true love and it will increase the love irrespective of the distance.

Above all these men will not prefer to leave their wife and kids for the sake of money, and they will try to bring them along with him or he will make a frequent trip to meet them. Those who are money minded and who prefers wife as luxury item doesn’t need to get married and they can make their luxury or the needs to satisfy them with the money what they earn than to spoil the other female’s life.

I wanted to wind up this content with a short and sweet note in a different way, but I have to thank those who provoked me to share the actual thought what was going on in my mind. Before talking about others, they have to think about themselves and they have to correct them. I tried to explain it to my friend based on my experience and not on others experiences.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness.”

The real joy of marriage is being together, with each other……..being able to connect, then fight, then connect and cuddle providing the happiness of being in the arms of each other after the fight every now and then is what makes the marriages to survive.

Years of separation from each other, certainly deprives both men and women, the joy of being together……..and being in companionship. No letter connection, no email connection, no online chat connection can substitute the real togetherness.

If someone says we will do all these over phone and internet, then it is better to marry a photo than a human.

“What I love most about my home is with whom I share it with.”  – now I find these men and women share it with their ipad, laptop, black berry, smart phones and skypes not with the wife/kids/parents/friends. Even if we scream or shout at their ears, it will not enter into their head and heart, till the time they lose something valuable in their life.

If someone prefers to learn only they can learn otherwise Time will teach them a big lesson.

 

Grief – Pain of Death

What is Grief?

Grief is the term used to describe emotional responses to major losses. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are all terms used to describe the same thing: the intense pain that follows the loss of a loved one.

I remember this word was told by my best friend recently and she said to me, you are not shedding your tears for the one who cheated you, but you are grieving for your lost child. Yes she was correct. I would have taken the grief also happily, if the kid would have died but it killed everyone and it is enjoying its life.

Most shameful thing is that one for whom I am killing  me(my happiness, peace, health, wealth, good habits) also asked me a question, if I die what will you do? I told her, I am not a Muslim to pack my grief in 3 days and we will have grief for one year and at least I will have deep pain for a year. but I didn’t know that before her death itself she will give that pain to me.

I know I was attending my own funeral by killing my happiness

This time I am not going to write about someone who is living, and this is about someone who will live in the hearts of many/ those who know him.

Senthil MariappanA Supply chain management consultant whom I know through my ERP network and I have not seen him during his life time, who has considered me as his sister and we used to chat a lot before and after his marriage. Due to work pressure and work tension and other unwanted association, I stopped most of my communications with many good hearts and Senthil was one among them.

Today I regret for not chatting with him during the last 1 year time. Most of the time, I used to communicate with almost those who are known to me and I don’t keep too much gap in my communication.

Due to the restrictions of the Gmail access and other social networking access in most of the companies, I have not seen him in online for long time and I am not very good in calling and speaking to my friends. I prefer to have the networking only through Gtalk or through Facebook. I do call those who used to pick their phone to reach me. Somehow we didn’t develop this kind of communication within us. I regret for not doing this my friend.

I have constant communications with his friends and I have asked about this guy with another friend also.

Suddenly a new ID, asked for permission to add me, I thought it is from a person who made me stupid by all means as I am expecting something from him. So added and asked a rough question who is this?  He asked “Do you know Senthil, I told him I know many Senthil as my brother’s name is Senthil, a friend from Abu Dhabi is Senthil, and couple of more people as Senthil from ERP network.

Even before answering my question he said, he passed away in Andaman. I was shocked and he pasted the local newspaper content.News paper confirmed it happened on 17th March. Tears were flowing like anything because of thinking about his wife who was married two years back. There are some ugly characters living in this world, but god likes only good hearts. He gives more pain to those who are good and takes good people to his kingdom who are very soft and good.

I was shattered; I was unable to believe that he is no more. I was not able to believe it, but the newspaper message said that it is him and it has shown the license copy of my friend. He died because of a heart attack and at the age of 31. Oh god, you are giving stone heart to some people and so soft heart to good people? what is this my lord? why are you playing like this?

There are people who are asking you for death, there are people who are sinners, who are cheaters, who are betrayers, who live and suck others blood like an animal, and this guy is so soft, a good heart person and why you wanted his life to end so soon?

Anyway I was grieving for something and god is showing that these kind of things are happening in the world, don’t worry, good deeds and bad deeds doesn’t come with others deeds. It is based on their own deeds only.

Grieving Losses – Grieving the loss of someone whom we love will be there in our heart for a long very long period and it is very painful process. But there is still hope. That we will cope up and come back to normal.

Grieving from a loss and healing from that loss require one to examine and re-examine the place of a loved one or a relationship. This process, the grief stages, of getting used to life without someone close to you can take over a year to work through. Experts have compared the death of a child, for example, to what it feels like to lose a limb. It gets easier to cope as time goes on, but it still takes a long time to work through the stages of grieving.

It’s easy to formulate a theory or a process for your grief to work through; however, actually working through those stages of grieving proves much more difficult. We may have a lot of method to grief, and each method looks different for each person.

After all, some steps in the healing process are easier than others—some days are easier than others. Your relationship with your loved one was unique (as like her name); expect you’re grieving to be unique. The way of hurt is also unique, very deep and it is very difficult to get healed, but god has shown the ways.

My grief was not in coping with death which allows you to meet really supportive people, but the death of someone inside the heart. But this death of my friend really made me to feel that why should I grieve because god has not taken that life, and even if it happens I will not feel heartache this much because I know that she is an unworthy person.

This death of my friend has given me a lesson that I have to be supportive to those who lost him as a mentor, the person who shared this news with me has got my mail id from my friend(Senthil) saying that she is my sister, send your CV to her, she will help you.

Somehow this new friend has not shared his CV with me, but when I got the friend request from him, I was really in a different mood and I was feeling that someone is going to get killed by me.

Bereavement requires a grief support group. Somehow I have an aversion of death and I used to get ready for the people around me about their death well in advance so as I can take it up when I face the situation.

As you work through the death of a loved one, you need a place where you can vent, where you can be honest about grief and your emotions, and where you can move through the grief stages without fear or regret.

If we get ready to get the support for the grief, it can provide a really support of friends who identify with you at a very deep level. They can move beyond showing you sympathy to really empathizing with you. I can say that I got lot of support to come out of the grief, unfortunately I was not able to come out of the grief and the situation how I was has become grief to many people around me. With the existing pain I was in deep pain because all the lovable people around me are also suffering because of me.

Will I ever see my loved one again?” The bonds forged by shared experiences are the strongest bonds. And, as you struggle to find meaning in death and dying, realize you’re not alone.

Sometimes, the sadness may be an opportunity for us to return to faith in God or involvement in our religious system. The belief in an afterlife can really ease our minds when it is for others but when it comes to loss of family members or the death of a child it is really a difficult task to handle.

I was killing myself for the death of my unborn child is really painful because, it was not born to me, but it was in front of me, it was not my adopted child, it was not of my blood  and I just felt the feeling of a child through her and how could I come out of this heavenly feeling?

She is alive and I have to consider her as dead. How to grief for the one who is alive and need to feel that she is dead? How to control myself with this feeling? What kind of death you have shown to my kid god? Why did you give that feeling through her? If I don’t grief for this then for what I could grief and I will not be called as a human because I don’t show my grief out for any other things other than the people hurting me in this way.  

Normally When I grieve for someone deeply, I will think 100 times and Iw ill come out faster. This time my grief is not only because of the death of my child, but also because of self-pity and I was not able to forgive myself for allowing someone to play with my feelings and sentiments

What is the purpose of grief in our life? The other name of mine is Hope and Encouragement. The way I give my hope and encouragements are from me, and it is not from their strength, it is from my strength, I am giving them the life of hope.

My word of hope creates encouragement in them and they find the hope in front of their eyes through me. To give others hope, I must have the hope of living and leading the life happily. I can’t tell someone smile from heart, when I don’t smile. When I say something to others I have to follow and I don’t like to tell someone which I don’t follow. I am a follower and not a preacher.

Finding God and Your Grieving – Anything under God’s Control is never out of control, God will make a way even though there seems to be no way!

May of my friends suggested me to enter into spirituality, but for me it is a big problem that I can even think about god, when I am not happy. That means I pray to god only when I am happy and I can’t go to him to cure my pain or sorrow. It is not the time to embrace my god, because he knows that I am weak if he gives me trouble. He knows my strength, he knows my weakness, and if he is giving me some pain means, he knows that I need the strength to overcome this and he knows when to give that strength also to me.

I beg for others to god not for my weakness because that weakness was given by god, why should I go and beg him saying that give me strength. I will say, I know you are the creator, you are the screen play writer, you wanted me to go through this pain, I don’t know how long I have to go through this, but give me the serenity to understand that “Even this will pass away”. I am very weak mentally and only with you I am a very strong woman. You are my strength, I trust in you and I move with your guidance. Do whatever you want to do with me. If this is your wish and play, let me enjoy and suffer it.

You want me to curse someone, let me do it, you want me to feel someone as very bad human of this world, let me feel it, but don’t make me to hate her. If you say that, then there is no use of all my grief. I know god, with great difficulty only you made me to come out of that hell. But still why did you allowed me to enter into the hell.

The Hold books are real, authentic, genuine book– filled with the stories and thoughts of real people. I don’t prefer to get into religious sentiments when I am sad because our mind will not allow us to get in touch or to feel the divine.

I know it helps to convince us that our grief is just in our head. Your grief is real, your pain is actual, and there’s still the opportunity for true healing.

If you consider most prominent people from religious front, their life was filled with sorrow, much of their life they will be betrayed, cheated, or wanted to be killed by his opponents, close friends cheating, family taking revenge, but they will be able to devote their time to god. Somehow I have not come to that situation to devote my time to god because I was holding the unwanted things in my hand, head, heart…

To end whatever I am, it is the glory of my beloved parents, friends, siblings, family, surroundings and the heavenly father. I know only one thing is that I don’t go with the wind, but I go with guidance of my god. My trust and faith in you can’t be shattered because of this kind of painful moments. I know you will help me to recover, but it really took long time as I have not spent that much time also with her.

They all have turned me from my mourning into smiling, of course dancing is not possible and I lost every charm of my life with one world. 

God has put off my black days and hugged me with gladness through different and new people, when I was holding the pain of my life and in deep grief. Thanks for the support.

I praise the god for giving the serenity in marvelous splendid way to accept the truth and not to go silent to the cemetery.  Thank you for giving me the realization that I was digging my own burial ground and giving me the clarity that I am not for that. I thank you for providing so many wonderful hearts around me and sincerely praying to you to guide all of them in their special way and keep all of them under your shadow and within the reach of my heart.

Family Value-3 Thanks giving

Family values continues…

Thanks Giving…. This is one of the biggest things that the parents have to teach the kids.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. 

It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. 

One of the best ways to show your real feelings even to the strangers is thanks giving. I don’t know how I learned it, but I learned it at very young age. Thanks will make a stone heart also to smile. Of course it is applicable only human and not applicable to wild animals. Thanks is the beautiful flower that blossom springs from the soul.

I remember that I used to travel in cycle rickshaws from the main bus terminus to my house. A person will pedal the cycle rickshaw, two to four people can travel from one place to another place. It still exists in our area but with some modern amenities, now the person is not required to pedal, they used to fix it with some motors in it.

We used to pay the money, but I used to say thanks to that guy every day. One day I traveled alone and he asked me what is there to say thanks, you are paying and I am dropping you in the place where you want to go.

Money is for the work what you have done, thanks is for the way you dropped me safely. When I say thanks, I see the smile in your face. That smile means a lot to me. After that I used to say thanks to almost all the drivers and I have seen lot of smiles in this way. It helps me to get closer to them and it helps me to give an impact in them that I have respect for their work. It means that I give respect to them as a human. It is a quality of humanitarian.

I follow the same with almost with all and mostly with the labors and when I think this now, from where I got it, I feel that it is from my parents only. They used to do it, but they didn’t teach me. This was not taught by someone and if at all I have to say that I learned it from one of my teacher under whom I studied my class 5 and 6.

She didn’t teach that we used to say thanks to everyone. I learned it from her by seeing her way of approach to the office boys and the non-teaching staffs in the school. When a guy brings the attendance book, she will say thanks and every day I have seen her saying thanks to one or the other. It is inclusive of the students who used to bring the chock pieces. (Usha Rajaraman was her name) I am sure that I learned to say thanks 28 years back.

Most of my friends used to say that I am a good observer and many like me for the way I used to observe the things happening around me without socializing with them. Most of my teenage friends know how sharp I was in getting the information without talking to them.

I used to observe both the good and bad from others and I take the good and try to correct the bad of them. Thanks giving I observed from that teacher and till today I follow it whole heartedly. Especially when someone does something even with little effort I will say my sincere thanks to them. This applied to the office boy from whom we get a cup of tea or my friends helping me with their support.

Why I took this as a subject is when you like someone, the good things of them will have some impact in you. People, who are very close to my heart or those who feel me as close to their heart, will have the impact of my love and care in them. I am really surprised to see you because the way you were with me, I am sure there was something in me would have made you to become so close.

In anger I can say that you tried to be so close with me or cheated me with a motivation but am sure that something impressed you. Why I am surprised is I really feel bad that not even 1% of my goodness has touched you and what made you to feel so impressed with me? How can you be so cruel in your life? Or how I was so careless in identifying your real color? I am answerable to god for the talent what he has given me, I have to understand whether I move with human or with animal and I have to treat the human like a human and an animal like an animal only.

Even now I say thanks to you because for giving this much pain, because I was praying to god to give me the serenity and I want to get rid of the worldly life. Now no one can come closer to my heart as I am so scared to allow someone to it. But my basic and inborn character of showing love to human will not change, but this will be in a different way. I learned to know that there are people without humanitarian also.

Mostly I have to thank you very much. I don’t have any words to say my sincere thanks to my wonderful Sweet Adorable Darling. Only because of you my life has become full and only because of you I have become zero.

When people used to ask me, you are missing something as a woman, I used to tell them, yes, you are right that I missed, I am missing it or I will be missing it. It is your perspective and in your eyes I miss it but as a woman, I can love all around me as like a mother. It is a great blessing and those who have felt it has shared it with me and I don’t need to share it only with my own blood. I don’t live for the worldly sake, but I live my life for the world sake.

The time I was about to post one of my colleague who is younger to me by 12 years, I scolded him and said sorry for scolding you. Immediately he replied saying that you can scold me, you are like my sister or mother. So I don’t need to go and search people and people are around me to give that feeling and comfort. You are the only one who will not love/like the people for what they are and who want them only for your time without making them understand what you are.

I heard it from so many people  used to tell me that  you are doing like a mother, sister etc., but I never felt the motherhood with any of them. It is really unfortunate for me, because they would have felt so happy at least if I would have made them happy by acknowledging their feelings. I don’t know whether it is my mistake to feel that special feeling with you or god’s mistake in creating you like this wild creature.

We often take for granted that very things that most deserve our gratitude.

Normally people will thank to god, for giving them a new day, but I thank god before going to bed for giving me a wonderful day as today and say that I don’t know whether tomorrow is my day or not because only when I wake up, I will know that day is mine or not, but when I go to bed, I know for sure that the day has ended.

I hope you remember that I used to say that my last message in the night I want it to be for you. Because I don’t know whether I will be able to say Good morning to you the next day or not.

Thanks to god for giving me the serenity through you. He showed me the greatest feeling what I never felt like missing in my life and I never felt also. I was happy without feeling it and I was happy when I felt it and even now am happy after throwing it out of me.

May be god showed you in my eyes and gave the greatest feeling just to feel that in my later part of life, I should not regret that I missed it during my young age. Now I say thanks to god that I am happy that I don’t have a kid. It is better not to have a kid like you.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. I tried to live by this words with you, but it is easy to practice this with human and very hard to practice with those who live like humans. There is difference between the human and like humans.

Whatever pains, I have got that is the biggest punishment from god only for whatever has happened in my life. I am very happy to take it as a lesson of my life and move ahead without giving any room for such feeling with anyone else.

Thanks giving is possible only for those who have strong memory and who take time to remember; No one can give thanks who has a very poor memory or a person like you with short-term memory loss.

Saying thanks in a way says that you give respect to the fellow-men. – Respect – will continue…..

Family values love