Tag Archive | Pain

Three Roses

One of my friend asked me, how is it possible for you to love two more roses after being hurt so badly by the thorn of the first rose. It is a fact that I was against the worldly love. I don’t want to see anyone with care and concern for any matters because of the trauma I faced. But few things are like unstoppable and it happens on its own. Neither I planned for SAD nor did I plan for these two roses.

All of them entered my life in an unique way.

Three Roses (SAD/ZENO/RIYA)

In fact when Zeno entered my life, I told her, I don’t have the strength or energy to bear one more failure in my life. Whatever feeling you have for me, you can have it but I don’t think I will be able to share it in the similar way and I told her the story and to her goodness, she said I know how painful it is, but don’t ever think that you will get such pain from me.

I told her, I don’t want to give such chance for anyone in my life and I tried to be away from her for nearly about two months. Once in a while I will message her in face book and I think I would have called couple of times in two months time.

On her birthday, as I used to wish all my friends, I called her at midnight and to my surprise that voice from her made to feel so bad about me, because of two reasons. 1. She didn’t expect my call and the happiness in her voice was so sweet and memorable. 2. I was so arrogant that I didn’t show any feelings towards her till that moment, when I heard her happiness I felt like, if I can give this much happiness to someone then I must do it once again. I have to go for this love story once again. It happened with Zeno but it made a lot of difference with the entry of Riya.

If you lose a relationship in life, it means that it has to go. It entered your life with a purpose and let it go and realize that relationships are often seasonal, It is like the birth cycle whenever there is a birth, death is destined and where ever there is a beginning, an end will come.

Above all these, I have a bad habit of reading and taking things so seriously to my mind. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself. Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones. So if my first one was a mistake, it doesn’t mean that I have to die with that mistake, I can try once again as a new chapter.

Somehow it flashed like a thunder and I started to spend my time with these two little roses. Are they really roses? Not really, even these are with thorns, but now I know how to handle the thorns and I will not give up my love or I will allow them to give up me.

Both of them knows the pain what I have gone through and both used to give me more pleasant time and more painful times, but I enjoy each and every moment of it as I was with my SAD.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Above all one thing is true and I have to accept that all the relationships in this world are temporary. Most of our extended relationships are seasonal and it can end any point of time. Knowing this truth, why should I cry for the lost one or for the one who was not ready to give up her ego or for the one who doesn’t care about me? I have to think about making people around me, who care about me, who love me, who really needs my love and care. Above all who knows to understand the feelings of others, when I say this, I mean it and I feel that I was little aggressive with these two roses not to get hurt but somehow I used to hurt them badly and I will feel for it.

People are going to come and go from our life. When I thought that I met my best friend, perfect business associate, or the love of my life, I am pretty sure that I am going to fall down. The same thing I have told my SAD many times that I allowed you to enter my inner circle that means I am giving the opportunity to you to kill me.

It is normal belief in every relationship that people don’t misuse that freedom in the name of love. When it is with a mother and kid, it is of two own blood people and when it is between a husband and wife, there is a mutual relationship. But in this case, when it is between a third person what so ever we name it best friend, close friend or mother, daughter, brother sister, these relationships are temporary till the time they find their own or till the time they get satisfied with that relationship. It will never be a long lasting relationship, even though I have couple of roses and I have been a rose for couple of friends, still I am saying it because whatever we have it will go with little pain.

Even with these two roses, I don’t know when what will happen, but till the time I have them, I try to get hurt with more thorns so as by the time they leave me, I will not face the pain what I have gone through because of SAD. When I face the pain from day 1, I will not have more hurt when they give up me for something else.

Life is a cycle, what you give is what you get, but in my case it happens vice versa, what I don’t want others to feel is what I used to get… I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of love, but it happens on its own.

One thing is for sure that I still love SAD, I love my two roses also in the similar manner but with a little difference, I allowed SAD to go, but this time, I will never ever let them go apart from death. Only death can make us to separate from our love.

Riya is another rose but I have seen the thorns more than of getting the feeling of Rose. I don’t know the more time I spent with her, the more I used to remember my SAD. I used to feel that I am going to get hurt once again with Riya like that.

Best thing about Riya was, she didn’t even allowed me to call her and she called me on her birthday and asked me to wish her and made me cry literally thinking my SAD. I missed her birthday but I didn’t feel that I missed these lovely girls birthdays. I was not nearby them but they gave me the comfort that their day was best with my wishes. One good thing is I was given a chance to celebrate all the three girls birthday’s and not with any of them.

I have to say that even if I keep quiet for a day, my beloved roses can’t do that with me. They will try to know about me either ways and with Riya, I have to say that she will keep on fighting with me, but she will never end any communication with me. She can’t keep silence even for few hours and I realized it with so many fights in between us. Even if I try not to ping her or message her or even if I don’t respond to her texts, she will call me to find out how I am and she will message my close circle to know about my whereabouts.

You don’t need to drink the sea water to taste whether the whole water is salty or not. It is a known fact that sea waters are salty. Some of the characters of the human are unique with each other and with these roses, love was free flowing whereas with SAD, it is very hard stone and I broke my heart and head by banging on it. Still it is my sweet adorable darling, because of whom i got two more roses.

Today I can’t show my love free flowing as i was doing it with SAD, because I have a fear of failure and fear of losing my relationship and I am scared to talk to them as free as i was doing it with my SAD. Sometimes, these roses will be feeling the differences, but it is not because that i don’t trust them and it is because of the pain and hurt what i have undergone in the past.

My slogan for both of them is I know how strong my love is and wherever you people are you can’t live without my thoughts, even if we are destined to get separated. I love to give that impact and I love to get that impact. whether it is positive or negative, I have that impact of SAD with me. whatever i do, i get a feeling of my love for her or the pain what I have got from her.

This will keep on…. God took one rose from me and gave two roses, instead of looking at the closed doors, I opened the two doors and I long to knock the closed doors also because of that door only I know that this kind of love is so beautiful………… Pain is inevitable in any love stories.

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Misunderstanding leads to trauma

Misunderstanding

It really hurts when good friends change by a small misunderstanding. When someone is so close to your heart and there is a routine with them from the sun rise to dawn. Whether the sun rises or not, good morning comes from them, whether you sleep or not, they will tell the good night and make you to sleep is the routine what they give in us.

This is a painful story that happened more than a year ago. I wanted to post this as an article and started to think and coin with words. Creating this required lot of responsibility within me as it is going to talk about the personal affair. Most of my article will be based on the true experience or based on someone’s experience, but this time I thought I have to share the pain which was in my mind and I thought it might help me to get an answer. I didn’t post because this might hurt the friend, but now everything is over and I thought it might help someone else to fix their misunderstanding. I could not meet or ask face-to-face which has given ever lasting pain in my heart.

I know, sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major drama…. But – really if they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you and you ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least then you have tried to sort it out.

Sometimes it really is the worst things that ruin friendships, and I know it does hurt. So try to sort it out with your friend, and best of luck……

A friend of mine and I had a huge misunderstanding that seemed to have a cruel life of its own. She is a friend who has grown into family.

My Close friend is angry with me because of a misunderstanding.

Actually my close friend is not talking to me because of a misunderstanding and she was not talking to me without telling me the reason and also she was not replying to my messages or not ready to pick my calls. She knows that if I don’t hear from her, I will become crazy. I was not able to do anything and I was not aware of what I should do?

I don’t know what my fault was and I was not harsh with her for any reason and even I have not tried to show my hard feeling to her.

It was not my fault at all and I know for sure that something she misunderstood or she deliberately avoiding me.

When I feel like I have to ask her why she is doing like this, she will talk to me and she will send the messages to me, when she feels like to talk or she will reply based on her mood.

I had words with few of my friends, they used to tell me she is very happy, normal and you are the one finding it too difficult. She neither thinks about you nor does she have the same feeling what you have for her or any sort of respect for your feelings. If she is your close friend or as you think her as important person in your life, she will at least reply to your messages or to your call.

Somehow my mind was not clear and I was very anxious to know the reason, ferocious for the rejection and feeling self-pity for my situation. Neither I was able to say get lost to her nor I was able to ask the reason for avoiding me. In a way I was feeling depressed and lost all the happiness of the world which was with me for so long years.

I want to clear this misunderstanding but she is not ready to talk to me. I tried my level best by calling her, texting her, mailing her etc., and all the means were in vain and I as not able to understand what the mistake was from my side.

In the mean time, birthdays came and I wished her and she cried, till now I don’t know the reason for her tears but when I think of that, my eyes will be filled with tears (not the crocodile tears).

She could not even return a call on my birthday was the worst feeling what she has given to me in my life. Without her call, I felt so embraced as the people around me started asking me whether she called you or not?

I know she can stay without talking with anyone for some reason for more than a day or for weeks also. As I know this vehement behavior of hers, I thought I will kill my ego and call her, but no response, text her, no response.

This really caused a trauma inside me as she kept on remained without talking to me for days and it became weeks. I felt so bad and she really stopped talking to me. As I have spent my morning till evening with her either through calls, or by texts or by mails, it was very difficult.

When someone avoids us, if we know the reason, either we can correct ourselves or the opposite person for their misunderstanding. At least if we know the reason, we can feel happy that the person is not worth of our love, care & affection.

She is not the only friend for me, but I have given that much control for her in my life in a short span of time. And that started hurting me. All other friends started to feel that as if I have done a sin in my life and started to tell me in various way.

These were the friends recommendations.

Well, if she is your best friend, she wouldn’t treat you like this. Is she your best/close friend? Does she has any respect for your affection?

I am sure you understand her well as she is your best friend, you can keep quiet for a while, but the time what you are giving is not for her to relax and let her to forget you.

But she forgets you, try your best to explain it to her and find her what is wrong with her or with you and why she stopped the communication? Treating her as a close friend and killing your peace of mind is not going to solve your problem and she is not worth of it was the comments from my friends.

Even after all your trials, If she doesn’t, it shows that she may be not your best friend or conceptually something is wrong in your friendship with her, I am not sure what is wrong. As I know you, I can say let her go and you start a new beginning was from another friend.

If there is any misunderstanding she should let you know what it is.

You go and meet her in person and ask her on her face what is the issue. It was easy for me to ask on her face but I was afraid that if there was no problem or whatever she says I will trust, if my trust goes in vain or if I get a feeling that she is telling lies to me, then how can I face her again – this is what was going in my mind.

Trust me, Best friends would forgive their best friends – if you consider her as a close friend and she also considers you as close to her heart, then there is nothing can stop in between you. You don’t need to forgive her or she doesn’t need to forgive her. This is just a small communication gap, go and meet her, find out what is hurting her.

This is because best friends who would understand us, knows everything about us, who will spend time to listen us, trust us and accept us to be their best friends as who we are. This is love of a best friend. With all misunderstandings only friendship grows and it is the only one way to have a lovely relationship with friends. If someone ill treats you, then you should know that the time has come to move on. Obviously they are not a good friend to begin with if you fall out or the friendship changes because of a small misunderstanding.

It certainly hurts, but life must go on. Think of it this way, it’s best that they are not a part of your life if they are going to fall out with you over something unimportant, what about when you go through worst time? Would they support you as a friend?

Good friends are far and few and if they are true, good-by heart then they will realize their mistake and they will apologize and try to sort it out amicably.

Now this unknown reason has become unknown and the small misunderstanding has become a huge misunderstanding and there is no way to make it alright. Finally after a year and half of trauma, I have to settle myself saying that it was meant to go and let it go and it has gone.

There is no one perfect in the world and don’t try to see the imperfection as perfect rather make someone to feel that your imperfection is perfect for them and then begin your friendship otherwise these hurts will continue in life…..

A friend who gives you an advice a day is better than one who puts a pound in your hand – These are all good for saying but in reality, people go for the one who gives a pound in the hand not for the advice or for the love, care and affection. This is the reality of today’s friendship. Friendship never dies only if it was in their heart but how to find out whether the friendship is real or reel only with the situations what we face in our life.

May be with my close friend – it was meant to die but it will stay in my heart as a scar till my last-minute.

Certainly when this happened I was crystal clear that my close friend is too good and there is some reason for avoiding me, but as the time passes, I really feel so many things. I was being in a trap and I have a lot of unanswered questions which will remain unanswered.

Misunderstanding – what happens after this misunderstanding ? will see in next

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

Hey Dear All,

I am not blogging this as a part of learning some religion or to follow some religion. I am sharing this because if you want to follow your own religion follow it from the heart. If something mentioned here is wrong, please take it as an opportunity to correct my wisdom on the given contents from any religions.

Don’t ever pretend or take the do-able content from your religion and don’t do or show off something  to give an impression to others that you are clear and clean by heart as the other feels that you are following your religion from heart.

Friendship is something which is very green and pleasant to everyone. Here and there some will come and do little harm, insult, but the best of all relationship is friendship, because it doesn’t have blood relationship. It is very usual for people to have friendships with others whom they interact with . Friendships can be formed through growing up in the same neighborhood, meeting at school, college, university, social gatherings , working environment, gym, pub, restaurant and via a number of other activities.

Friendship is something common among people, however there are different conceptions of it. Some common conceptions include the following: friends will always stick by your side, you can always rely on a friend, you can speak freely to your friend and tell them your problems, friends like you for who you are, etc. When people have personal problems such as disputes with their family members or if they need advice they usually turn to their friends.

Do you know why god has not gifted the art of reading others mind, because he wants us to have the privilege of trusting, understanding and have faith in others.

When you start telling lies to your friend, do you know how it hurts the other person? Even before telling lies, I told you I will be saying a part of my life story to you as a lie. I will not be true in one scenario. I didn’t tell any lies to you. That is called as Sincerity. I tried to give trust by all means but you failed to keep up the trust in any means.

When you hurt someone, I believe you should face her in a remorseful way to show that you never meant to hurt her. If I was in her shoes I would want to know everything that goes around me, and if I discover that my friend exposed something and I found that out from someone else I would really get aggravated and I would feel that my friend isn’t worth trusting. “ONCE A LIAR IS ALWAYS A LIAR”

Don’t lie to your friend: 
One thing it is HARAM, second she is trusting you so don’t betray that trust if you let her know now you have a better chance of being trusted again than you would if you keep lying.

FOLLOW WHAT EVER YOUR HEART TELLS YOU, DON’T DO SOMETHING THAT YOU MIGHT END UP IN REGRETTING.

I do regret because of trusting you in-spite of knowing that you are lying to me. Over again and again I trusted you. All my pain is because of the trust what I had in you and I have to suffer for trusting you to this level. Yes I deserve punishment from god. You made me not to trust anyone in my life.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood.

In Today’s fast world most common problem in human is cheating others easily or to make fun of someone true feelings. If you are not serious for anything then don’t such things. Cheating/Betrayal is very painful for everyone. After hell of pain and agony, I am saying the below to the fellow people.

I am neither a follower of Islam nor Christianity and I am true to my religion. Even we don’t need to follow any religion, but we should not do harm to anyone by any means. Harm – unknowingly we do hurt others, but knowingly hurting others and giving them pain is sin in all the religions. There is no compulsion in any religion. Right has become distinct from wrong. So whoever rejects evil and puts faith in God has grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks.

I believe that God is hearing, knowing, and loving us. We don’t need to depend on others, but very few will make us to depend on them in the name of love for fun and they will ruin others life. This is to make someone understand that what their religion says about lying.

During a course of chat conversation, she said, I didn’t lie anything to you to harm you. I agree with her, may be her assumption is right, but there is a trust created in me. It is getting killed by your false statement which you were not aware of it or what?

After reading the below also, if you feel that you are not a liar, I am ready to change my assumption of saying tahat you are liar/cheater for your sake, I will say to the world she is not a liar, she talks only truth, when I will say that, I will not be true to myself. But I am ready to accept that you are not a liar or a cheater.

Lying

cheat-us-islamLying is among the sins of the heart. It is to utter false information while knowing that what one is saying is not the truth. It is sinful (haram) whether done seriously or jokingly.

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, said:

La yasluhul-kadhibu fi jiddiw wala fi hazl.  Which means: “Lying is not good, whether in seriousness or joking.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

The Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, also said:   Iyyaka wal-kadhib, fa’innal-kadhiba yahdi ilal-fujur. Wa innal-fujura yahdi ilan-nar. Wala yazalul-^abdu yakdhibu wa yataharral-khadhiba hatta yuktaba ^indallahi kadhdhaba.

Which means: “Do not ever lie, because lying leads to very hateful sins, and those in turn lead to Hellfire. One keeps on lying and seeks to do that until one is recorded as a liar in some books of Allah.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah.)

After reading the above tell me, to whom you were sincere?? I don’t need to explain on this because when we tell lies, it means that you are killing the trust what the other person has on you. It need not harm them, but it is not going to help them or make them happy. When someone tells you, you look beautiful even though it is not from heart, that is not a lie, it makes someone happier for that moment. Telling someone a lie which is not going to harm them, or not going to have an impact on them, but still it is a kind of betrayal because the other person has so much trust on you that you will not tell any lies to her.

Trust, faith are something’s which you can’t get from someone without love. When someone trust you, you have to try to keep up the trust and not to misuse the trust. I showed my trust and faith because of the love what I had for you. Even though you have lived all your life only with lies, I have given more trust and trust and poured the faith, but failed to get even one percent of truth from you.

There are many things that are among the sins of the tongue and fall under the class of lying. They include: swearing by Allah to a lie, false testimony, and falsely attributing something to Allah and His Prophet.

When you promised something to me in the name of god, I was not able to feel it as a truth, because you are born to tell only lies. By swearing-in the name of god, you made me to feel that it need not a truth and made me to feel that even in the name of god she will tell lies. That is the trust what you have given to me. I swear, I got an impression, she will do any harm in the name of god also and she will say it is not harm.

Swearing by Allah to a Lie:

It is one of the major sins. It is for one to swear by Allah to something that is opposite to the truth. An example is if one says, “By Allah, I did such and such” while knowing that one did not do that action. Similarly, if one says, “By Allah I did not do such and such” when one has done it. This is to be considered using God’s name in vain, which indicates falling short of glorifying Allah properly.

I do believe that you will not lie in the name of god but when you say 10000 lies, even a truth in the name of god becomes a false statement.

False testimony: This is one of the enormous sins. An example is for one to testify in front of a judge that someone stole something while one knows that it did not happen. “False testimony is like claiming that Allah has partners.” (Related by al-Bayhaqiyy.)

Because of all your lies, now I feel even a true testimony from you whether it will be a truth or false statement? How do you expect me to trust you?

Severing the Obligatory Ties of Kinship

Severing the ties of kinship is among the sins of the body, and it is a major sin. This is done by breaking the hearts of the relatives by refusing to be good-hearted when they financially need money, or by leaving out visiting them without an excuse. If one usually helps one’s relatives, then one lost the money, or one found a more urgent need for it, then one would not be sinful for not offering it to one’s relatives. Avoiding people because they did something wrong to you or they tried to correct your mistakes or they treated you badly.

I don’t need to say about this, when one of your colleague was giving a party and the way you avoided it shows what kind of Muslim you are? When you can do this kind of arrogant attitude with a fellow Muslim lady, I can expect that you will do any kind of harm to me as I am from a different religion. When I heard it, I felt so bad because the way I had the trust in you, I thought you will not do these kind of silly things. How could you do this? whatever you discussed with me were words from your mouth not from heart.

Promotions are decided by the people who are ahead of us and if we don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve it, god wanted someone else to get benefit out of it. You were saying that what is there I will get it when it is destined to me.. Now even if you get it doesn’t going to make anyone happy because the way you reacted to others happiness, will impact yours as well. I know you will not mind it because only humans will have

“Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allaah is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing.” [Quran 2:263]

I know how much I have forgiven you and tried to hold you not with hands, but with love and care, but you spoiled not only my trust but also killed my each and every cell with your ill attitude and behavior. I really don’t know how your parents will take when they hear about you from others, but I was brutally killed and I don’t feel like I have to live or to love anyone. You made me a dead body. I have life, but living like a dead body in grief because of the love for you.

Truth is bound to win over falsehood – God is with me, that’s why he made me to realize all your colors and made me to feel that this is a punishment for loving, trusting, caring, and showing the real affection to a person who don’t deserve it.

 Imām `Alī ibn Husayn (a.s.),

used to say to his son:“Keep away from little and big lies whether you are serious or kidding! Whoever tells lies in childhood, will do so in adulthood.”  Do you not know that the Messenger of Allāh (s.w.t) has said:
‘A servant may keep on speaking truthfully until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very truthful one, and a servant may keep on telling lies until Allāh (s.w.t) records him as a very lying one.’

[Reference: Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 69, p. 234]

To Speak the TRUTH, you don’t need to follow any RELIGION, just you need to follow your HEART. I quoted the above from your religion because you wrapped yourself saying that you are following your RELIGION and as per your Religion – how you need to be and what you are? You are not true even to god 😦 . 

Whatever I have given here are just to say that this is what you have to do, there is lot many more to come in your life and don’t give them the same pain. I am saying all these as  vent out all my pain, caused by you, without doing any harm to you. Even this is to guide you, to make you right in your way. If god can help you to correct your way, I will be thankful to him. I know I can’t do it, but god has to talk to you in a way so as you can change yourself. Of course he will touch you, if you don’t listen to him, he will shake you, if you don’t listen, then he will take the root so as you will know what you are doing is right or wrong.

Even after reading all this family values, if you say that you have a family value, oh god, what kind of value it is , please make me to understand it…..

Over Pain

Love is painful only when it is not shared perfectly or properly. Love is more painful when we share it to a wrong person or when we share it to the one who don’t deserve it

Love is a game for you, and without knowing what it is, if you play, it will hurt not only others, it will hurt you as well. I took all the pains from week 1 till today. Unknowingly and knowingly I too have given some pains to you. I am sorry for it. I really mean it. I don’t have any grudges but I have the pain. All the pains I have given is because the pain what I have gone through is over the limit.

OVER PAIN made me to give those pains to you.  

I can define what is over pain to you my dear.

Over Pain is something which you can’t bear it. When you control all your emotions not to hurt the other person, there will be a limit and when it crosses more than that and since they suppress all their emotions, it will burst out and they can’t control it. It is like the Earthquakes and Valcanoes. Funny I gave over love to you and I got the gift of over pain from you…

Unknowingly – I gave this Pain to you.

When your father was sick, I scolded you badly saying that I don’t want to listen your crap, you don’t know the meaning of life and death. Did I speak for my father’s sake? He is your father and you only sent the message that he is having chest pain from morning, I may need to take him to hospital after IFTAR, pray for him. After reading this message anyone who has a heart will say bloody idiot take him immediately to the hospital.

When I read your message and tried to call you, you didn’t pick the call and all of us (my team) were worried about your father. Why we have to worry for him? Neither we know him nor have we seen him. It is basic courtesy when a person is suffering from heart problem, immediate attention is required. You will take him to hospital after 2 hours and because of your carelessness nothing should happen for him. I would have felt the same even with my enemy also. You were not my enemy that time, how do you want me to react my dear wow fantastic, what a love you have for your father. Great may your Allah bless you because you all kept the fasting and waited for IFTAR. Do you want me to praise you like this? Luckily nothing happened to your father, if he would have got sudden attack or something negative would have happened, I have to kill myself for keeping quite??

It is not because your father, this is humanity and you will not know what is humanity because you were able to sit and pray at home.

I don’t know what for you bought the ring for me and gifted it and the above incident happened within two days and I scolded you with all my love and in a feeling that you are mine. When I can take your gift as token of your love and do you think I don’t have any rights to scold you? I have to scold you at that moment only not after 10 days or 20 days. What did I ask you, you will do the same thing with everyone?

In Love people have all the rights to scold you, correct you, warn you, irritate you, if required to slap you also. How you will know this na? Neither do you know to love nor to give respect to others. You need love, respect, trust, faith, honor from everyone but you will not give anything to anyone and you will feel proud to be a selfish.

You are keeping this in your heart as grudge? Or just informed your husband that this hurts you more and not telling the real thing which hurt you more? Even now I am thinking positively that she don’t want to say the real hurt to him. That is called as love.

Now I returned the gift to you, I don’t have any rights to scold you, please forgive me, I was wrong because it was your father and you know what to do, I am sorry for scolding you. Whether you want him to live a long life or to suffer with pain is your responsibility. I don’t care who is he – I can’t say this because he is in my daily prayers as your father itself.

This is my heartfelt apologies, because I scolded a stranger and who doesn’t mean anything to me. I can scold a friend, daughter, sister, mother, father, brother or any relation but I am not supposed to scold a stranger

Will you be HAPPY NOW, I want you to be happy always. BE HAPPY…

Knowingly – I gave this Pain to you.

Love is so lovely feeling when it is shared with a right person, who enjoys it. Love makes people so vulnerable.

Unlike you, I have not shown my love to hurt you or it is just a symbol of care and concern only. I will write separately why I tried to hold you because the world should get the clarity and I have to get the serenity. I didn’t do anything purposely to hurt you till 3rd January’2013.

I came to UAE for my visa renewal process only and I didn’t come either to see you or purposely to hurt you. I decided to give up my love when I realized that you acted well on 2nd Dec’2012. Neither I felt love in your eyes nor did I feel so happy in that gift. I really took that because you said it is from your mom.  I was betrayed with your crocodile tears. I should not have seen you on that day itself. As per my plan, I should have given the ring to you through Anantha…

If I would have given the ring on 2nd December at least I would not have written a dirty note to you. After reading a lot about Islam and the punishments for hurting others knowingly only I gave that to you. Because I didn’t hurt you knowingly, you said you have done everything knowingly to get more love from me.

I don’t know in that one month what all drama’s happened in your life, but whatever I heard from my friends about you were disgusting. I was really shocked and I was beaten by hammers by each and every one.

By giving one more gift, you created a huge gap in my heart because if you would have bought it with real love, you would not have deleted my ID. If you would have bought it from your heart as a gift for my birthday, you would have called me on that day not as a first call at least as a last call. That call means a lot to me not your fake gifts. Even then I didn’t give up and it was my mistake. After that also how you can use the fake words…….

Everyone asked me has she called you? I said I didn’t get her call. Do you know how much painful it was? You will not know because neither you have shown real love nor seen real love.  I was feeling ashamed of you because how a person can be like this. When Anantha asked me, how you are bearing it, I said all the wishes from all others were like my condolence’s for me. I was not able to celebrate it in spite of being at home.

I wrote a lengthy note and definitely you can’t take that pain and I made everything as cut short and gave a little note only. It is not to hurt you, but to make you understand what kind of pain you have given to the people around you. But you will not know it because only people with feelings will know it. You are just arrogant female who will never know it.

I lost faith in you and I started asking my Sai, Shall I ping her, I got NO only, Shall I send a mail to her, I got No, Shall I inform her that I am going to come to UAE, I got No. When I was in UAE, Shall I call her I got no, I myself got a doubt whether I wrote Yes/No or only No. When I asked to send the gifts with note, I got yes and even I got a blessing as well, whatever has to happen will happen and it is as per your destiny. It was god’s Decision and I believe in him.

I avoided his decision once in Mar-12 and paying the price now, When you disconnected the call and said your brother came, that time I got deep hurt and pain. When I asked him, Shall I talk to her, I got No only. But I tried to keep up the relationship without thinking anything.

Whatever Apologies I have asked to you from week1 were not to show that you are great, to show that I want you to learn to say sorry’s even if you are not wrong, because saying sorry is going to keep the other heart feel that they are the one who has done mistake and you give importance to them to keep up the relationship.

I don’t know in less than one year of time how many sorry you would have said, but nothing from heart. If so I don’t need to write my painful stories with you.

Normally I showed my attitude and I showed my real and true love from heart. I didn’t change it even 1% even after knowing your attitude. Then I realized that I have to show what you deserve only to you. I stopped to ping you. It was really painful. I lost 5kgs of my weight, not because I didn’t ping you, because my love succumbed inside me.

Only the way you reacted and the gap what I tried to give from my side, made me to realize that holding you is waste of time and I have lost few good months by holding you. I am not like you to sit in the bedroom and dwell in my dream-world.

I am a creator and I love to make people Happy, Smile, bring in some Joy, Happiness in their life. That was the mistake from me because why I have to try the above with you. I tried the same with my best friend, I don’t have any hurts because of her. I know that she is like that, she will not say to me anytime that I am showing my REAL Color to you, because she is showing me her real color from Day1.

I have given some pain to her because of your reactions. I have shown all my anger of holding you to my family, kin & kith, friends.

One thing is for sure that I should not have shown any love or care of kindness towards you because of your basic attitude itself. When I got hurt for the first time, I should have let you go. Holding you for nothing was my mistake.

God only gave me the instinct and I don’t know why he gave that instinct to me, whether to make me to feel that I will get only this kind of daughter if I go for adoption or to make me feel for the one I lost in my early stages of my life. I have not felt bad for anything in my life other than loving you.

Unknowingly or Knowingly Pain

I really don’t know whether I said those words to you knowingly or unknowingly. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but out of hurt and the pain, it came out of my mouth. I really felt bad for saying it to you. I didn’t say that you should not have kids and I said first learn what is love and let the kid not suffer with you. It is out of frustration only. I didn’t feel bad because of uttering those words, but I felt bad because I said it when you asked me to pray for you. I should not have said that at that time. Even now I feel only because that I said it when you asked me to pray. I don’t feel for the words.

I really meant not to hurt you. I said in ways that “First know what is love and how to show love” Don’t give the pain to your kid or don’t make the kid to feel for mother’s love. When you don’t know what love is, how you can show motherliness to your kid. I know the way you used to repel for each and everything. You will do with your kid also. But I said it because of the pain what you gave to me.

Having kids is not a big deal, but to be honest, I sent a message also to you that if I die now, I will be born as your kid again. After your husband’s call, only thing came to my mind is why I should get a mother like you, when I have a lovely mother for me and this made me to stop thinking about killing myself. If I commit suicide, it is a curse and I have to suffer in my next birth. Already I suffered by thinking you as my kid. I am facing the punishment and I myself know how wild you are and why I should get you as my mother? Just to make you happy to have a kid, god will give someone else. Why I have to suffer in my next birth as a kid to you na?

Why should I suffer in my next birth also? I thought that it will be a blessing for you to have a kid, but it will be a curse for me, if I die and be born as a kid to you.

All kids are to be born as blessings to their parents but time will decide whether that kid has got a wonderful parent or not. I am blessed in this birth and I don’t want to give any pain to my mother whenever I get hurt or want to commit suicide, I will think that how bold she is. I am blessed with a good mother, with good deeds, with good people around me. I will not die for a silly stupid female who doesn’t deserve or who has not done that much to feel for her or to die for her.

I have some special people in my life, for whom I want to be born as a daughter. Already you are the biggest mistake of my life and why I have to take it to my next birth. I have some wonderful people to come with me in all my births and definitely you are not one among them.

A Stranger is always a stranger. Neither I know much about you nor I wish to know in future. This is my heartfelt apologies, because I scolded a stranger and who doesn’t mean anything to me. I can scold a friend, daughter, sister, mother, father, brother or any relation but I am not supposed to scold a stranger. 

This Hurts Me More Than it Hurts You

Hurting words can come from anyone like parents, siblings, spouses, best friends, coworkers, etc. but nothing is intentional. It doesn’t matter who hurts is, the fact is words creates wound with revenge.

I know my dear, I was very harsh and it happens very often now days and especially with the one I love deeply. I know very well that words are very dangerous and it can lead a serious threat to any relationship. I used to be very careful and cautious in letting the word go.

Tongues are sharper than the swords.There is a saying keep silence, and control your tongue, it doesn’t mean that we have to hurt the others feelings.

Even when I get hurt, I will try not to hurt the other person. Only those who are my blood relatives knows that I am very wild (Parents & Siblings). For others I am aggressive but not wild or ferocious.

Love is my passion in  inner circle, when I take them to inner circle, I show all my feelings.

Sometimes we say and mean hurtful things deliberately to hurt the person we love the most. In such a way I did something and it really pricks me more than her silence. I know she was deliberately keeping silence.

It’s a known fact that the once the words are out of the mouth, it’s impossible to take them back, whether it comes from mouth or from the heart. The pain and hurt are very clear in the heart of the person who was hurt and but the hurt will be double of yours as I hurt you. My heart got torn into pieces when I hurt you my dear. I know you can’t take even a small pain and this hurt and when it is from me, you would have got hurt more. I am really sorry.

When I got hurt, I was not able to let you go and may be all the hurts turned to grudges for a moment. Even in pain, I would not have hurt you. If it is a friend or anybody other than you, definitely, I would have taught them a lesson by moving away.

When it is you, even in wildest dreams I can’t hurt you, because you are so sweet for me.

After uttering the words I felt whether I did it as an act of vengeance or payback the hurt. But soon after hurting you, I realized that I lost my humanness and I lost the sanctity of my love because love can’t hurt anyone.

I would like to recall a small story which I read long time back. A scorpion was suffering in a river and a saint was crossing the river and tried to rescue it. When he tried to save it, the scorpion bites the saint hand. A disciple of the saint asked his guru, why you tried to save the scorpion when you know that it will bite you?

The Guru politely answered the disciple that biting is its character and helping, loving, saving is my character. I can’t change my character for the scorpion sake.

Why I am recalling this short story here is, I was deeply hurt by you, but it doesn’t mean that I have to hurt you back. For few days I became like you and I started hurting you badly which is not my basic instinct.

When I was hurt initially I used to keep it in mind that I have to take it or leave it. I should not feel that it hurts me, and I continued, but may be that made you to hurt me every now and then.

I should have not let it go, I should have avoided those kind of situations. I took everything so lightly and I gave the chances for you to do it again and again. I allowed you to take me for granted, because of my love for you.

Love is a sweet feeling dear and care is the way of showing that you love the other person and it is not for exploiting others feelings.

Sometimes it is good to let it go and not to hold on to something that’s done which can’t be altered. I know I can’t repair the wound and the scar will be there in your heart. I tried to choose to let it go,  chances are there that the relationship will heal and flourish. but I am unable to let it go because it gives more pain to you.

I know that you can’t handle if I give pain to you and I am sure that I behaved wild only because of you. You neither allowed me to move away nor to stick on with you. You were either ready to leave me once for all or ready to be with me as well. Only god knows what the problem is as you never shared it.

Sometimes the hurt is so deep in the heart of the person who was hurt, and they walk away from the relationship. This time the hurt is so deep in my heart as I created it to the one whom I love and who would never ever expected that I will hurt her like that. Very often pride or the self-esteem stands in between the person who did the hurting and the person who was hurt. Anyway you have given the reason saying that you are selfish and I can’t help or to change you to self-less.

Especially when the moment you asked me to pray, I am not supposed to utter those words. If it was in some other time, I would not have felt that I hurt you also.

You know that your behaviors did hurt my self-esteem to great extent and you continued to do it was paining more than the hurt. I know I gave up my self-esteem of 90% to you, but if I would have given that 10% then I would have lost my life in the name of love. I am ready to do it now for the hurt what I have given for you.

Whatever may be the reason, whether to get more love or to hurt them intentionally it is pain only my dear? If you would have felt that I will have pain in my heart when you do this purposely, you would not have done it. In the same way, I should not have used those words to you even though I did not mean it to hurt you. Neither it was intentional nor it was spontaneous words.

Instead of trying to make it correct and to heal the pain, you started pinning it more and more, when you said it you have done it purposely, my ego got hurt and my-self took over. Even then I asked you “Have I ever disappointed you?

I know that you purposely did it and I don’t want to disappoint you, that is the reason, I gave up all my self-esteem and showed you the same care and concern. It doesn’t mean that I am mad of you or I have shown over love. It is because of your love and the way I have felt it. It is not that I love you; it is because I know what your love is. I value that relationship and I respect your love.

As you said, that you did it purposely, my loving relationship has no value in it. I don’t want to hurt you by any means but when you have real love, you will not do anything purposely.

I too hurt you, when the pain given by you was very extreme from you. I did not do anything purposely, may be to make you realize that it will pain for the other person.

Nobody can do something to the person who loves them more than their life. When you said that you did it purposely, it really disturbed me a lot. It has become nothing not even worth of keeping it in memory. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When we are in love, our LOVE holds great significance for us and which makes as a source of both great happiness  and deep sadness. Your love has brought me great joy, blessed feeling and I expected for sure that it will bring in deep hurt, but I never expected that it will bring in such a way. Even before enjoying the great love, I got the deep hurt which was the most painful moment for me.

It is very easy to know why someone who doesn’t love the other person and it is easy for them to  break the heart. It is easy to break a heart when we do not love those who love us, there is a possibility to hurt them. Even in that case I will try not to hurt them, but just I will avoid them, because I give respect to the other heart who loves me. I can’t even say no to them just because of their care and concern.

However, hurting the one we do love happens when we feel dejected. How can one love and hurt the same person?

I accepted that pain with tears and said it is because of the one who made me to smile and for that smile I can give up my life why not tears?

When someone hurt us, it’s all very easy to just open our hand and allow them to let go and walk away from it. That’s the easy way, but it’s also the losing way.

You and the person that hurt you both lose out because you lose each other. But if we stop and ask ourselves why the person said hurtful things to us to start with, it could help the situation immensely. I know why you did it because, I have shown my love to you and you wanted to explore it whether I am doing it again or not.

I could have walked away but I could not do it, because my love is true, real and more than anything it is holistic, divine and even now it pains a lot but still my love is sweet when I say it is for you and even the pain is sweet when it is by you.

However, someone who deliberately hurts another person can simultaneously claim to love that person. You are the one who used to say that it is part of love and don’t worry and have to hurt each other. For me hurting is not Love. I learned to take hurt as love only from you. 

Sometimes, though not always, a person will say something that hurts because they were stressed out or going through really tough times. They use us as bouncing board, someone to vent their frustrations out. But and not vent what’s really going on, the stress comes out as hurtful words to us. Initially when you said that I can show it only to you, I was really happy. I was so happy because you considered me to show your frustrations.

No doubt we have all done this to someone we love and had it done to us. The difference is in how we handle it after hurting the other person is what matters us most.

Do we choose to see the hurtful words for what they most likely are, stress and frustration at something in life, or do we take it personal (which it probably isn’t at all) and get angry and upset and just walk away.

If we walk away, we lose out on a wonderful relationship. Just because someone gets upset and stressed and says something that hurts us is not a reason to end a relationship, but sadly that’s what happens too often.

I know you are not going to lose anything even if I leave you, but I can’t say that I will not lose anything because I value you and your love more than anything in this world.

We can choose to leave the past or live in the past, knowing that the past can’t be undone, and put our pride on the back shelf, and we can start fresh.

To do this, it’s important that you understand that we all make mistakes and that no matter what someone has said or done, they simply cannot change the past.

No amount of regret will undo something that was done or said. If we choose to hold onto a past hurt, we are the ones that are hurting ourselves. The person who said something or did something that hurt us is not hurting us. I can hold the words and I can regret it for life long if it will heal your hurt. I can keep it as pain for hurting the one I love.

When we choose to allow pride to keep us from reaching out to the other party, we are the one who is hurting ourselves. We don’t have to let the past to haunt us. We know that it cannot be changed, to rule our present.

Sometimes it is really hard letting go and starting over and it seems that letting something go would somehow diminish the hurt that was said or done. In Reality it is not the fact. Letting go of the past and beginning again isn’t diminishing anything nor was taking away the fact that hurt caused.

Hurtful words cuts deeper, but the deepest cut isn’t really the hurtful words at all, but rather the lost relationship and love if the two parties involved don’t put the past to rest and begin fresh.

Love is simply forgiving, moving on, and living and loving again. To hold onto the hurt is to reject yourself and a beautiful relationship. Love is closely connected with vulnerability: the ability to hurt and to be hurt. Although some kinds of hurt in love are intended, most of them are not.

Those who are in real love can easily hurt the beloved without intending to do so. Because they are so significant to each other, any innocent remark or action can be interpreted in a manner that the other person did not intend and hence be hurtful.

If I think and talk something, then it is not love my dear, I don’t want to think and talk, I have to speak whatever it comes and it should not hurt you as well.

Love is spontaneous and it is like a river and it has to flow. May be it saw a mountain and was not able to go smoothly on its way, but still love is flowing and it will reach the top and flow as a falls and it will not get wasted in the Sea.

When something comes and if it haunts you then there is a reason for it and you are the reason for it or you could be one of the reasons of it.

How can I let someone go just because for hurting when the pleasure of love is more? Whether your love is more or the hurt is more?  Whatever it is I would prefer to get that hurt again and again to get your love.

When you expect the other person to understand your situations, don’t you feel that you have to think from the other person’s side as well? Just because someone loves you don’t mean that they have to look all the time your side only. Sometimes the other person needs you to look their side as well.

Sweet heart, though I started this content to say that hurting you is hurting me more. But this content is to give you some justification that you can hurt me, I am still not sure you are doing it out of your profound love for me.

In the last 12 days, I have taken the entire pain in my heart, in the same way as a let out, I discussed with couple of my friends and I said that I hurt her with this words and it really kills me. Both of them said, you didn’t mean to hurt her but tried to tell her what she needs to do only.

If she doesn’t understand your love for her, then she will take it as a hurt and she will keep it in her heart. Still I say that Hurting is not Love and I am really sorry for the hurt.

I sincerely apologize for whatever happened for being so wild, please consider it as the voice of doom and gloom (bad outcome from me). But, if you give your heart and love in someone you will hurt or be hurt by that person. HURT is inevitable and it is also sweet when it is by a sweet and lovable person like you.

Give Up and Never Give Up

Never Underestimate what you can achieve when you believe in yourself.

I believe in me but I believe more in you that’s why I am ready to give up my love.

It is really a tough decision to give up and not to give up on any activities. Especially when we are in deep love and the person whom you love does not required to adore you but if the person whom you love does not understands the other person feeling, it is not the mistake of the other person, it is the mistake of the you for selecting the wrong person to love and thank that person for giving the opportunity to love and know the value of your love for the right person.

If someone is not interested in you it is very good. Don’t feel dejected and the person whom you love only should feel that they miss you. Think positively that in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never ever settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve. 

It is not east to find what might be in their head or heart. It takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was not meant to be in the way the other person wants it. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!

You can’t go in deep to the other’s heart wherein you don’t have any place, if you are in some heart you will never feel to give up. It is not an easy for us to give up on the one whom we love, but it is for the benefit of ourselves, we have to give up. There is a saying never give up, I will say give up because those who deserve the love will not let the other person even to give a thought of giving up the relation.

I know I deserve better and I don’t deserve any pain, I tell to myself that I don’t deserve this pain in most of the cases and I will give up the other for the benefit of myself.  I will say that you are not worth of my love, you are too young to realize what you are doing to me or to understand what is love and I guess that’s it and I have to give an end for this.

It’s not that I am feeling to get over a person, it’s about the feeling of good about ourselves. It’s about knowing that I am the most important and I need to be happy, if I am not happy, I can’t make others smile. If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, it doesn’t really matter. Love yourself more so as you can love others.

To give up or not to give up is always an unfortunate situation to have in anyone’s life. But it is quite common in everyone’s life. It is ideal for 2 people to love each other and it is not ideal for 2 people to love each other at the same pace, but life is never ideal. To get this kind of relationship to work, we need patience! We have to weigh either waiting for her or moving on as options. If our feelings are real, and we choose to hang in there, we will be taken for granted and anyone will take us for a ride. Still we must not scare her away with our feelings!

To be in great love, you should be great friends. If we let our feelings reach steadiness, we’ll find it becomes easier sometimes just to ignore your strong feelings for her and just kick-back and chill with her. It may give a hope to know that she can see you in the same light, just not so quickly or if you get the feeling that it will never then it is better to give up than to hold on to it.

It is strange when you are hurting from rejection, to hear someone say move on things will be fine. No matter how much you love her, she never loves you back. For all those wondering what went wrong. Stop wondering and say to yourself that you have not got the right person for you. She is not the right person to love. Only when you stop chasing someone who doesn’t love you, you will open the door for that perfect person who will love you back with the same passion that you will love her.

Best way is not to try to be in contact because it’s almost like an addiction. You think that one little text will do no harm but the pain when she doesn’t reply will just make things worse. It is very good to keep the distance and to avoid as much as possible so as we can avoid the self-hurt.

It is quite common in all of us that at times we feel very weak and feel we need to talk to that other person inspite of knowing that they will hurt you again. We don’t know why we want to talk to them, we just do it because of addiction.

I decided not to call or text message just because I have been doing it so far and I think I will be able to get out of these and I can make sure to the other person not to feel me as weak. If at all if it becomes difficult, the I will write down all my feelings and all my feelings and thoughts will come out, it might not be so pleasant as I do with her, but it actually helps.

Being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do is really a tough situation. It’s not a problem at all and we can fix those. It is better to walk off when someone doesn’t feel your love as the way you do.

Don’t even give them the privilege of friendship because you’ll pull yourself back into the misconception. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don’t do the same mistakes over again and again.

If you believe in fate then we know that things happen when they are meant to be and we can’t avoid it. but we can be little careful not to get hurt. Many come and many go out of our life and they are part for some reasons beyond human understandings. But the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of fate. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts. If I win your love, then it is your destiny and , if I lose, then it is my destiny to find a new love for me.

Firstly, love is a peculiar thing. If you truly loved someone, then you’d be able to realize that it’s OK if they don’t love you back, which shows your love. When we truly love someone, we don’t expect the same kind of love from them, but it really hurts that the other person doesn’t even understands it.

Don’t tell that they will change tomorrow, next week, next month maybe someday, who knows they will never change. True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don’t love you. That is what means accepting reality.  I love and accepted reality and at the same time, I am forced to move on.

It is not easy to deal with reality and move on without love, I take the bitterness with me and leave the sweet of my love for you. When I love without dealing with reality, I hurt myself. I still love the other person, and trying to accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you’ll need to do that continuously until it becomes a problem.

If we know for a fact there is no hope for a mutual love, then why torture ourselves. Move on. Treat it like a divorce. It will always be painful for one party if it is not a mutual divorce. It is a forceful divorce  to live and keep meeting people. You say to self that you have to be available for the right person who comes along your way.

Love is like a railway station, there’s always going to be another opportunity for the train to stop again — if we are ready for it at the station. Just stop being around that person if at all possible. If you can’t, then think in your mind about how wonderful it would be to actually find someone special that returns your love. Tell yourself that you deserve it.

It is not easy for anyone to control their love no matter how hard we try, we will fail and our love will always make us to fail. It’s just one of those things, but we can choose to love again. Write your thoughts on paper, sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out of you, in writing. It’s like a release or venting. Then tear it into pieces and flush it or scrap it so it can’t be found to possibly humiliate you later.

True love gives and expects nothing in return, a true unanswered love. Let me move on from my imperfect to perfect level.

I can only pray to God that you forgive them for not being able to love me. We have to deal with reality only…. In Reality god will only can guide you to come out of this love and not to make it as a a problem for anyone.

Give me the strength to realize that I can move on.

Give me the courage to try something different.

Give me the wisdom and sense for me to respect myself.

If you truly loved them, it doesn’t matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.

When you love someone you must know when it is time to let go. This sounds hard but that is the strength, courage and knowledge is gathered from a broken heart.

No one promised that love would last forever.

Never let bad feelings or experience change the person you are.

No one wants a wounded bird, so understand that you need time to heal internally. There is no set time on when this will happen, but just let it take it’s own time. When the time is right, and you will feel like you are ready to love again, don’t look for the love, let love find you

Life is short and a chance given by god to love others. So enjoy and taste your breath. Your battle is not lost, you are just about to begin a new chapter in love and start living your moment.

Love yourself, pray, not only for you, but for that person as well and to keep you strong.

Continues…

 

Best Day- Part 2

Best Day by my Malabar – Part 2 (April 27th 2012)

“True friendship is felt, not said.”

As said in the previous content, my day started very good and it was very pleasant with my best friend. As the sun continued to shine, my day was also very bright as like the sun. As the day ends, sun was about to set my happiness and the feeling of a good day also started to come down because of my friend Malabar who made to feel very bad of my some childish behavior.

When I was with my best friend, I called Malabar in a feeling that she should not miss me, as her time goes around me and I used to be with her all through the day. It is not only I don’t want her to miss me, but also I don’t want to miss her as well.

No Day is a bad day as long as we feel that it is bad. The day was too good and suddenly Malabar made me to feel that the day was about to end badly for me.

I will try to make sure that people around me or those who are constantly in touch with me don’t miss me and she is my close friend. How can I make her to feel sad or to miss me? I called her and we had a good chat for some time, but suddenly this female misunderstood something. She neither called me back nor did she try to ping me. She didn’t respond to my pings as well.

As the time passed in my best friend’s house, I said bid adieu with heartfelt thanks to my best friend, but mind was around this Malabar.

As soon as I came down from my friends flat, I called my sweet stupid friend to find out what is she doing? We had a chat over phone for more than an hour but still she didn’t say anything that she was feeling bad.

I reached my sweet home and started to ping her in blackberry, and slowly my close friend started saying that she felt bad for something and she asked me why did you call me from your best friend’s house? To be honest, I was shocked because this friend is not like others she knows my pulse, she knows my vein, what am I feeling, what I will say and what I will do. I never expected that she will misunderstand me. She has got that maturity to understand me to great extent. Initially I thought she wanted me to spend my time with my best friend. So I was not feeling bad about it. I didn’t feel that she misunderstood something.

I don’t know how you got confused with my love for you. “Don’t confuse people who are always around for the people who are always there”

Malabar, I don’t want to say about my friendship to you and neither have I needed you to know from my words. “True friendship is felt, not said.” I know your friendship and what it means to me. You also know what you mean to me. When we know each other intensely, do we need this misunderstand? Good or bad feeling also depends on our mindset only. If you feel that your friend does something purposely to hurt you, it is your belief and you will be right in your belief and if you feel that your friend will not hurt you even when there is a chance for her to hurt you, this is also your belief. Don’t feel for something which is not in your control.

Love is pleasant as well as painful, we need it more when we get it more for pleasant. We feel a pleasant pain when it is shared with others in front of us. I used to feel it when my mother shares her love with my own sisters or with her sisters. I can understand your feeling, but how you failed to understand my feeling for you?

I know the reason but I didn’t expect this to be a reason from your end. If it is with the other friends, I would have handled it very harshly. But I can’t do this to you because you are my sweet youngest friend. I take your age as compliment for you to do this mistake with me. Please never ever compare yourself with others.It is like doing injustice to ourselves.

You are what you are and there is no change and don’t expect the changes in me for our friendship. I will have 1000 more friends in my life but each of them is unique and they have their own places. All depends on what they give. I don’t keep anything with me, I return it to them 100 folds. If you show me your love, I will show it 100 times more than what I get from you. I show the hatred also in the same 100 folds. I don’t keep anything with me either its love or hatred, I return it back with interest 🙂.

“I hope we’ll be friends forever, together we’ll always be. I don’t think you understand just how much you mean to me. And one day when we part our ways, we’ll think back to the past and think about how happy we are ’cause our friendship will always last.”

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”  –Psalms 16: 11

Somehow she felt bad and good that she shared it with me, otherwise I would not have felt that she misunderstood my feeling for her. It was little childish from both the ends and I will try to avoid such situations in future.

By the time, we were clearing our misunderstanding, another friend of mine called me for a program organized by the local Tamil association. We will not miss any of these occasions as we have more time to spend on these kinds of programs when we are away from our place. When I met my friend last week in the Carnatic music concert, I scolded her for not calling me. I forgot this program totally and was not in a mood to go. When my friend called me, I thought I will go and make me relax and let me make my day pleasant. Somehow I told her that I am not coming for that program as Malabar’s misunderstanding was running through my mind. I will not feel comfortable or my concentration will not be there in the program.

I was really upset because I did it in a feeling to make her happy and she got hurt because of my stupidity. I was not able to relax or forgive me for what I have done. Undoubtedly it is a hurt because she misunderstood. I was not able to make her feel that it is to make her happy. We discussed for more than an hour and explained her why I need to call her and she also accepted that it is just a misunderstanding and it is not as she felt. But the scar remained in both of us.

“It’s the best feeling in the world when you meet new friends and you feel you can’t stand to be without them. You are not a new friend to me, now we know each other and we don’t need to impress each other to show our likes dear. You have given me a hope every day that you won’t leave me. You can’t think about anything else but when you’re going to see them again.”

We both wanted to see each other, as we felt that this feeling of bad will stay till the time we meet. I personally don’t want the gap to spoil our moods of a good/great day.  Normally weekends we will be missing each other and this week this misunderstanding gave us a chance to meet each other. She was planning to roam around some mall and I asked her to come to the mall nearby my residence, so as I can meet her and clarify her in person and to make the day as usual a very good day.

She reached the mall and I was in deep confusion and was personally upset with her as well as with other things. I was not in a mind-set to meet her with her family members when I was upset especially upset because of her. But she made me to meet her and it was really a pleasant memory for me. I met her elder brother, baabi, younger brother and youngest sister all together and I was feeling so comfortable to move with them.  I would have been with her for more than 2 hours and I made her to feel so bad in the first few minutes with my stupid questions but still she remained cool and in full control and made my day in a great way.

Thanks for the pleasant night dear, it is not so easy to make a family to feel comfortable with a stranger and a stranger to feel comfortable with your family. You did it and I know how much I mean to you. The way you would have discussed about me would have made them initially to feel that who is that crazy female who has taken the most of her time? Later, with the impression given by you would have made them to feel to see me. Finally we were able to feel comfortable because of the way you have discussed about them with me as well.

Whatever you do, you have a style in it and you have proved in this as well.  Over all I felt that day was great to me.

“The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.”

Malabar