Tag Archive | mother

ப்ரியமானவளே

பொன்மகள் இவள் 
என்னை கொஞ்சிடும் போது
முழு மதியது அவள் முகத்தினில் கண்டு 
என் மதியது செயல் இழக்கும்,
உடல் முழுவதும் வண்ணத்து பூசிகள் சிறகடிக்கும். 
 
பொதுவாக தங்கமே செல்லமே என்று
மகள்களை அன்னையர் கொஞ்சிடுவர் 
மகளவள் தங்கமே என்று சொல்லும் நொடியில்
நான் நெருப்பில்லாமல் நீரினில் உருகுகிறேன் 
மங்கையவள் கொஞ்சும் நேரம் 
மழலையாகவே  மாறிவிடுகிறேன்  
 
ஆறாத கோபம் கொண்டாலும் 
தங்கம் கோபமா என்று அவள் கேட்டிடும் போது 
சூரியனை கண்ட பனி போல
என் கோபங்கள் ஓடி ஒளிந்து கொள்ளும்
அவளது ஏற்றத்தில் மட்டுமே
எனது அக்கறை யாவும் என்று உணர்ந்ததினால்
தனது சீற்றத்தை எனக்கு
சீதனமாக கொடுத்திட்டால்
மகளுக்கு மதம் பிடிக்கும்
ஆனால் மதம் பிடிக்காது
மதம் அது பிரச்சனை ஆனால்
மதம் அதை உனக்காக தூக்கி எறிவேன்
நீ நானாகவும் நான் நீயாகவும் இருக்கும் போது
அன்பு நிலையாக இருக்குமேயானால்
இந்த இந்துவின் இதயத்தில் இஸ்லாம் குடியிருக்கும்
எல்லா மதமும் சம்மதம் ஆகும் என் உயிரே
பாவை அவள் பேனாவை கையில் எடுத்தால்
எழுதும் பாக்கள் அத்துனையும் அவள் அன்னை எனக்காகவே
இதயமது அவளுக்காக துடிக்க மறந்தாலும் எனக்காக துடித்துக் கொண்டே இருக்கும் நான் இறந்த பிறகும் என்பதில் சிறிதும் ஐயம் இல்லை
motherhood
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DIWALI in UAE

Diwali Celebrations

Diwali is one of the most important festivals of all the Hindus living all over the world.  I was not able to celebrate almost any festivals after my grandmother’s death, as I have learnt all the festivals from her. Hinduism also was taught by her with the help of these festivals. I don’t remember whether she taught us the reason for the festivals, but I know for sure she used to make all the festivals a grand gala one with love filled feast.

Diwali is one good festival taught by her, who used to make lot of sweets, savories and make us very happy with whatever way she could do it. whatever money i would have burnt as crackers was really a needy one for the next day survival, but she has given it with pure love for me to burn it as crackers. Without anyone’s help the way she used to prepare the sweets for us is one precious moment which will not come in my life, even if 10 or 100 members does with love and care, it will not be equal to that of my grand mother.

Almost all the kids at home learnt it through her but the impact of festivals with my grandmother was more with me. The care and love shown by her towards me was mammoth. I can’t feel that love and care from anyone else. That is one of the reason for not celebrating any festivals in the past6-7 years. It is very difficult to articulate the feelings with words, but only those who have seen us or felt our love can understand the reason behind it.

It is almost 6 years in UAE and the life in UAE also has given a lot of change in me. One of my aunty used to call us during the Eid’s to check whether I am at home. As we get couple of holidays, I utilize those public holidays along with annual leaves, I used to go on a short vacation back home.

Being a Hindu, I failed to celebrate most of the festivals and I used to give a nasty dialogue also that festivals are for eating and I am having everything and whenever I want I can have it. 

Somewhat in the last 6 years, I never felt that I have to celebrate Diwali or Pongal. This year I wished to celebrate it in UAE. Normally atmosphere will not help to celebrate any festivals, apart from the Onam as there are lot of Malayalees in every organization. We don’t get the pleasure of Holidays for the Hindu festivals as we have in India. Being in a Muslim country, I can’t expect it as well :). Life used to be mechanical even on the days of festivals as we will be working.

Most of our colleagues are Muslims and most of the time they don’t even wish us for our festivals(not all there are few who respect the others), which I am not saying as wrong, it might be as per their belief in their religion. As usual this year also I was in between Muslims and all of them are from Pakistan.

My mind wanted to celebrate Diwali in UAE because of some good heart which was forcing me to buy new dress and wanted me to celebrate Diwali, fortunately she is also a Muslim.

I was talking to my colleagues about Diwali and we planned to celebrate it in office. Day before Diwali, I bought some sweets &  savouries.  I wanted to light my room with Diya’s, so bought candles, but my room was in total mess as I shifted to the new room and was not settled in the room. Somehow managed to light the candles and performed my usual rituals by lighting the Diya’s.

The day before Diwali, I got a wonderful Diwali greetings which was again from a Muslim and the way he wished me was the best wish in my life. Diwali wishes to you in advance, tomorrow I will be busy and will not be able to wish you, let the lights festival bring the shine to you and no more tears or hurts. I pray the one almighty in which you also believe to keep you happy was the wishes for me.

On the day of Diwali, again the first wish was from a Muslim and she wished it with great love and care. Got up with lovely wishes and as usual followed the rituals, missing my mother who used to keep oil to take bath and the sweet memories of getting the new dress from father. In the last 5 years I was not feeling for these oil bath or for getting the new dress. Somehow this year was feeling as if I am just 10 years old.  After sometime the whatsapp messages with family asking for Ganga Snanam.

As usual got late to office because of sharing the Diwali greetings with Family in whatsapp. Started to office with full of love and happiness carrying the sweets and forgot to take the wallet. Again turned back from the bus stop to my room to take the wallet and reached office.

Partying is not new to us whether it is office colleagues or with my friends, I used to have a extra luxury foodie when it is a party from me. We never had any issues within my team being from two (different) rivalry nations. We never had any heated arguments or discussions, irrespective of the discussions we used to have about the countries and religion as well.

I distributed the sweets to my team and asked the office boy to distribute it to other staffs in the office. Diwali started with sweets, coffee/tea. When it was lunch time, I asked the team to order food for them and being a vegetarian it was not easy for me to take them out on Diwali day, as I preferred to heavy Veg meals.

The ladies group preferred to have veg and for the guys, it was their choice to go with the grilled chicken. The one who was about to order messaged me is it okay to go as the cost was little high, if not we will order somewhere else, I asked him to go ahead as it matters with food not with the cost.

It took very long for them to get the food, and by the time it reached, I finished my lunch, had a skype chat with my mother, sisters & kids.

After the lunch, we had sweets again and the team was so happy, even I felt very happy when one of the guy said we feel that we are celebrating one more EID today. Before the celebration, that was in my mind, that at least one should say that we celebrated our Eid today. I was so happy feeling that god has come down to witness the Harmony in people. It is human nature to have peace and love for each other. Only the Politicians make the region, religion as weapon to fight against each other.

Thanks a lot for making me to celebrate my Diwali and this Diwali will be in my heart forever as I have celebrated it only with Muslims and for giving the feeling of celebration. Whether it is Eid or Diwali, celebration only matters and I do celebrate CHRISTMAS, DIWALI & EID.

After 5 Diwali in UAE, this Diwali is one of the most  memorable diwali and it is gonna be the best DIWALI of my life. I may not be able to get such a good feeling of Humanity and Happiness in my life on a Festival day.

This has shown me that the mind of Human wishes happiness only and it can be achieved with love and care irrespective of the religion, caste etc., This DIWALI increased the faith in ISLAM, this Diwali increased the faith in Human, this Diwali increased the faith in Respect for each other, this Diwali increased the faith in LOVE and wish many more Diwali’s to come in the similar way to keep the Harmony keep spreading….

No Ganga Snanam, No Crackers, No Granny, No Namaskaram’s, No Blessings (Didn’t get any blessings from the elders of the family) still this is the best DIWALI for me. Festival of Light for sure made me to shine with a bright smile in my face by end of the day.

YES we are united irrespective of the Nationality 🙂 First Wish to celebrate Diwali started from Sri Lankan, First Wish from Sri Lankan and the day was with Pakistani’s. 

I don’t know whether I will get this privilege to say that I celebrated my Diwali with Indians so happily, but for sure I was very happy because of my those 7 wonders of my Team & the great family from Sri Lanka.

(ALLAH) GOD BLESS ALL

Sweet sixteen @ 40

Biking Experiences

When I in class 6, I used to ride the Luna/Mopeds without anyone and couple of complaints my mother got from the school class teacher and the merchants on the main market road also used to inform my mother. They used to tell her that she is going to die in an accident only. It was not a curse but out of care and affection. I used to tell my mother, tell them not to cry for the death. I will bunk the school and will get caught red handed with mopeds.

Same way, I learned the biking also very early when I was in the class 7 or 8, I was so small and tiny, not even having the capacity to move the bike, but I used to ride it and the balance it well because of my interest, concentration and will power. The First bike was Yamaha-Rx-100 and even now I used to have the same fear in my mind, but I will not show it out and I will ride it as if I am a skilled biker. Only for the Bajaj-M-80 the height issue was not here and for all other bikes like  Yamaha Rx-100 or the latest bikes like Apache, Unicorn or bullets my height is a minus point but I love to ride the bikes irrespective of its heights.

If at all I have to die in an accident, I wish to die when I ride a bike with a helemt and jacket and spot death.

Accidents Taught me Great lessons in life and how I worry about others lives.

An interesting accidents about my two-wheeler stunts are one riding it at 40 kms/hr and dashed it in a lamp-post to save a little girl from hurt, and the M-80 which I was riding was one of my friends and it got hurt badly and even I was hurt. I took the vehicle to a mechanic shop to repair it, but the guy told it will take time to repair it, so I was forced to give it to my friend without repairing it and with an injured face of it. A sad part of life is this friend of mine is no more today because of his biking passion. In the year 2000, drank too much and was riding his new CBZ bike and met with an accident. Luckily he survived in that accident, but died due to some other issues after couple of years.

One more accident also in M-80 and that to save a little boy who was rushing from the opened gate and entered the main road, I applied a sudden brake and got skidded. I fell down, luckily was wearing a helmet and was not hurt. As soon as I got up, I was checking the vehicle and the people who gathered around were scolding me to check whether I am hurt. This time it was in my own bike and I was very cautious about the maintenance of my vehicles.

Another accident was while I was standing for a signal, I don’t know how I fell down and the reason for it was a guy in a bi-cycle. Even this time, I was not ready to see or whether I got any hurt or not, I rushed to office. As soon as I reached, I was limping while walking and a colleague was making fun without knowing that I met with an accident. Literally I was in tears and told my boss that I met with an accident. Everyone scolded and asked me to check what happened. This was a kind of major accident for me, a piece of flesh was out on top of my left knee. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was shocked to see the flesh out and I told him that accident happened 10 mins back only but it happened 1 hour back. He was literally shocked and asked me to consult an ortho and he said there will be some crack, she needs to be in bed rest for 2 weeks.

I told the doctor, I am perfectly alright, my tears are after seeing the flesh out and it is out of scare not because of pain, just do the stitching and I will be back to office. But my boss asked the ortho-appointment immediately and a young hero kind of doctor again visited me to check my leg, he did small tests and said she is lucky looks like everything is fine. If any swelling is there, do take an X-ray immediately. Otherwise just go with pain killers.

Then the physician did the stitching and I went to office, everyone was feeling as if I had a fracture in my leg. I called up couple of my friends and asked them is it possible for them to come out of their offices. Both of them said yes afternoon we will meet. I told them to come to a movie hall to watch a movie and I told my boss, I want to go home now.

As he knows that the medicines are heavy, he said you will feel drowsy, so go home and take rest, no need to come for 2-3 days. I told him, I will update him the next day and went home. I had my afternoon lunch at home and then told my granny that I am going to watch a movie with friends. She started scolding and screaming, I told her that I came from office just to watch the movie not to feel that I got hurt or I am not capable of working.

Now my friends would have got the movie tickets and I want to go and watch it. I called up my friends and they were still in office. So I told them I will come and pick them and one of them said, she will walk down to the theater as her office was nearby. Sometimes Accidents are good to take a break from your regular routines.

One accident which I can’t forget in my life was with my father. He was riding the bike and due to some reason, we fell down, I think because of the sun glaze. Heavy bleeding in my fathers foot and little scratches in my hands, after seeing the blood I got giddy and fainted. My father ran to the nearest shop to get water with that blood. After waking up, i said blood, he said nothing, don’t get scared for this. Don’t tell the world that you fainted because everyone around you thinks that you are very bold lady.

Yes I am bold lady, when it is the blood of others, but when it is your own, you will not know what to do. There is a proverb in Tamil, Thaan aadavittalum than thasai aadum… I realized it on that day.

Most interesting thing from the biking experience is my friends and the way they all supported and supporting me.

Three of my friends bought new bikes on the same day and all the three wanted me to pick up their new bikes from the show room. We were five friends and all of us went to the shop, took the first bike for a friend and I was the one to ride the new bike and dropped it in my friend’s house and we continued the same exercise for all the 3 friends. Five of us will go to the show room and I will start the bike and bring it to their home. (I guess I will be the only one to ride 3 new Hero-Honda – Splendour from the same show room in a day)  – If I am not wrong this should be in 2000. A new Bike TVS Fiero also has given me the opportunity to ride it with a new registration board.

Then we all went to the temple to follow the religious sentiments. That was really a great honor to me as a friend from all the 3 guys. I will cherish that moment all my life and I don’t know any where about’s of two of them and the other friend said, I just sold the bike because of its condition as it was almost 13-14 years old.

This is not the only case, I know for sure there are many friends who will not give their bikes to anyone but they will give it to me for the first ride or without any issues. There were some guys used to fight that how come you are giving your bike only to her and not to us kind of.

Some experiences are treasures of life which I have to lock it in my memories. Sharing this makes me to smile from my heart. Life is beautiful to look back and I feel so fresh and thinking that how many good friends and how they all made it beautiful. It can’t be beautiful only with me and without all these good friends.

One of the reason for me to stay happy is my friends and because of the same friends I used to get hurt badly also. But I used to recoup with a new set of friends or group of people. The best ever happenings in my life is my friends circle and the way I used to keep it up, thanks for those who are there in all my good and bad times and providing the dignity and  serenity of friendship.

Passion for work will continue…..

Sweet 16 @ Forty

Today is one of my friends Birthday – Best Friend – Happy Birthday to you, Love you and miss you dear.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

Funny thing to look back your life when you are in forty. I have to say thanks to god that I got the time to look back it. One important factor for me to be happy, smiling is I live my life and I am not living it as a forced life. For most of them, they take their life at forties as forced life, by thinking about their kids education, marriage, or about their house loans, and other commitments.

I am living a most satisfied life and I started the savings habit when I was in my school days, and it is still their. Only I know that I was having the helping nature from my school days, whatever I used to have with me, I will distribute it to others. A boy studied with me used to do paintings very nicely, but he was not able to get the acrylic colors and without a need, i bought it and shared it with him to develop his painting interest. I don’t know where he is and how he is also, but I still remember him by that short black boy and his name was karthikeyan.

I think and whatever is there in my memory, I was notorious only. At the age 7, I started riding the bi-cycle on road. I remember that most of the girls and boys in my area learned cycling through me and my effort & guidance. I don’t even remember that children of that age will not try to leave the hands and ride the cycle, but I tried to leave one hand and I was able to balance the cycle and next day I tried to do it leaving both the hands, without the knowledge that the cycle was too heavy for me to balance and it was not a small bicycle to do my gymnastics in it. When the cycle size increased, my height was not increased and I was forced to fall down and get hurt.

Foolish mind never got settled with the hurt in one hand, leg, once again tried and in the same place i fell down and got hurt in the same way in the other hand also. After Two days i realized that it was not only the balance issue, there was more sand in that particular place and because of which the cycle speed was getting reduced suddenly as if i applied a sudden brake. I do repeat the same mistakes even now and get hurt again and again, but with a smile saying that I know it is going to hurt.

I have to say both cycling and biking are my passion and I can’t give up both for any reasons. What all naughtiness I have done with my cycles…

Earlier I used to use the rental cycles and when I was in my class 5 I got the first cycle, Hercules Captain and a huge hero ladies cycle. Both sisters used to go together and come together.

Before class 5 we used to practice cycling on road with my mother’s used old bi-cycle.

During my 9th I got the Standard the craze of BSA SLR trendy cycle – the love for that cycle is flying in a high speed to reach home as first person is one of the wonderful feeling. Secondly, coming as a slow cyclist along with the friends who used to walk to their houses is one awesome experience, especially when my friends used to scold me, either go fast or walk with us and don’t do this slow cycling with us. I love it and the feeling of thinking about it makes me to bring a big smile, a teenager smile.

The happiest moments of my cycling life was carrying a huge water can to school almost 5 or 7 ltrs of water. We used to go to school as a group close to 7 or 8 kilometers one way and all of them will finish their 1 Ltr of water bottle half the way or close to school. I think Sharing has started when I was in my school days.

Apart from carrying the water bottles, the way I used to carry the cricket bat and badminton rackets in my cycle makes me to feel that I miss that golden age. I want to go back and start my life as a sports personality which I could not do it because of being born in a small middle class family.

Even now I feel that I want to go in a bi-cycle with a cricket bat on it or a badminton racket in it.

My Passions are not only with my cycles, it got extended to Mopeds, Bikes….

Biking Experiences will continue…..

Sweet Sixteen @ furious forty

When I was thinking hard for a title to write, my sister asked me to write about myself. Whatever I say, it is all about me only. Whether it is about love, passion, kindness, hatred, profession, colleagues, debates etc., all are part of my life. 

This time, I thought I have to take time to say about me but in others eyes. I would like to share the profound insights of how I was and how I am – Profound Transformation of Sweet Sixteen When I am @ 40. My energy level is of 16 and my thoughts of life is par above forty.

Most of my friends feel that I am blessed and the happiest person in the world. Yes I am, but to be a blessed person or to be the happiest person, it doesn’t come easily to anyone or by chance. It is a choice taken by every individual. Choice is controlled by us and executed with our energy and exact event and chance is not controlled, and chance is by luck and of uncertain factors.

Whether it is love, care, affection I give a lot. What do you get is what most of them ask me, yes for sure hurt only from everyone, but still I do it. Because we never know what kind of situation the other person is going through, a kind gesture, simple smile, caring word, ears to listen can make them to feel better from their situation, which in turn can make them to feel that there is someone for them and can provide them the strength to live their life and to face their struggles with a smile.

 Why should I do? 

This is the million dollar question for which i don’t have a straight forward answer. I know the pain of not having it. I should say that this is a Journey that inspired me when I got the support from my family, friends, extended family, and colleagues when I was to be abandoned, not to be cared, not to be tolerated. Whatever people have seen me in the last 10 years is a total refinement of my age, experience, and quality people around me. 

I was very arrogant, wild and adamant as like all others and even now I have all these but I chose to be forgiving than to keep my self-hurting or considering for a revenge. What all negative qualities that are not required to be with a female, you can see all of it in me.

Today, I am not ashamed to say it, because of the way I changed my attitude towards life. Most of the time, I am away from my family and the change was required in me to have some people around me. Attitude towards life changed when you start your travel alone. You will love everything and start feeling to share everything you own to others because you don’t have to save it for your next generation or to anyone else.

The world becomes your relatives and a stranger becomes your friend and a friend becomes relative. I choose to be happy and Life is a cycle, comes with the birth and death. What we do in between matters and I started to do what matters to me.

Even now with full of tears in my eyes, I will say that I am happy because I know that tears is not because of some stupid reason but full of feelings for someone in this world. Occasionally I do shed because of anger, but it is part of life.

Of course I learned the best of life from my mother. Even though she was not having any reason to smile, she used to have a smiling face all the time. She was very beautiful and one of my cousin used to tease us by asking my mother, none of your daughters are closer to your beauty. 

The care and affection at the right age was not available to all 3 of us, because my mother was working and it is not like today’s era, to have everything at one phone call. She needs to travel close to 4 hours in a day and 9 hours of working, by the time she reach home, most of the days I would have slept. Same way our mornings were in hurry bury to get ready to school and office. 

After School, we used to open the doors Big NAV-TAL Lock, and we will change our uniforms, without anyone we will do our home works. Most of the time, we were taken care by the neighbors. of course my maternal relatives were helping in taking care of us, because none of them were able to guide us properly or to take our talents in positive directions. (a typical middle class family)

Hemant once asked me, @ forty you are so naughty, and how you would have dured your childhood days? Naughty, beauty etc., are sort of comments because of the transformation what happened in me. Over the time, everyone will get this transformation. They will choose to be spiritual and I chose to live my life with happiness (I am spiritual, but I don’t do lot of things related to spiritual activities. I keep my mind and body clean. When your mind is clean, your heart will be filled with joy. Again, Happiness is a choice and not a chance.

It is very hard to predict me, when someone things that I will get collapsed for a hard situation, but I will take it easily, for the things which I have to take it lightly, I will make it as big hue and cry.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

continues…..

Happy Birthday Amma

“When a mother put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world.”

Amma Happy Birthday ! ! !

A mother never exists before the birth of the kids, and I can feel so proud of being the eldest even though I have not done something great as eldest daughter.

You’ve been with me even before my birth and enthralling moment of being a mother needs to be learned from you, and one thing is for sure in this world is that You’ll stand by my side, as long as you’re on this earth.

I never gave you an opportunity to feel proud of myself as your daughter but in all the phases of my life you have been the most wonderful guide, philosopher and a friend who never made me to feel that I failed in all the phases of life.

I am still a proud daughter because I see my mother as a successful woman, independent lady, was very caring daughter for her parents, still lovable sister to her siblings, lovely lady for all the relatives and sincere and passionate hard working woman, very friendly colleague, adorable friend for everyone. Above all, you are our angel mother and the three stupid daughters are in need of you all through their life.

Today after spending 40 wonderful years with you, I am still the same useless daughter but proud of one thing is that you are my mother. Wishes can pour in all through your life from all the nook and corners, but being with you on your special day is the most wonderful moment which this daughter can do for you.

I don’t know how long it will take me to make you feel proud about this daughter but you can feel happy that all your daughters are so blessed to have you as our mother. We cherish each and every moment of your life and the moments that you dedicated for us. I love each and every small gesture of yours whether it is with us or with our kids or with our relatives or with your friends. You are the best in whatever you do ma….

A mother’s love is so special and a never-ending gift. A love from mother is always there for the kids, especially whenever the kids need a lift.

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. – we will always think of you ma.

I really don’t know how to thank you for being so kind, lovable, caring for your grown up daughters and still keeping your spirit as a mother irrespective of your age and ailments. It is very difficult for us to handle our kids as like you have done with us. we need to learn from you to be so lovable to our kids.

You are the most inspiring personality of my world and wish I could do 50% of what you have done for us.

In the recent times, whatever cranky things I do, you never get heated up or show your anger instead you are showing your love and care so generously. Especially in my last trip, if I would have considered our roles vice versa, me as a mother and you as Uma, then I would have scolded very badly for riding that huge bikes, but as a mother you shared a beautiful smile and said your bike riding looks like an advertisement for a bike.  I don’t think I can do this with my daughter in spite of me riding the bikes and bullets. Similarly for the hair cut, this looks beautiful, maintain this and it suits you and you will look like Kiran Bedi. I expected you to scold me, but with your encouragement, I felt so bad because if you can do such encouragements for these small things for which it is not required, what all you would have done if I would have shared my thoughts when I was young.

I should have written it on your 60th Birthday, but somehow missed it because of Granny’s demise and other personal reasons.

When we hear this from you on our birthday’s we feel so happy and I know on this day you will be missing your mother more than us.

Amma, I am so happy to be with you and whatever comes on my way I will handle it with this happiness of being with my beloved family.

Amma, May gods fulfill all your small personal wishes and make you happy forever as you are now.

Happy Birthday Amma.  My Prayers for the day is to keep you smile and happy at least today without showing any hard face to you.

Three Roses

One of my friend asked me, how is it possible for you to love two more roses after being hurt so badly by the thorn of the first rose. It is a fact that I was against the worldly love. I don’t want to see anyone with care and concern for any matters because of the trauma I faced. But few things are like unstoppable and it happens on its own. Neither I planned for SAD nor did I plan for these two roses.

All of them entered my life in an unique way.

Three Roses (SAD/ZENO/RIYA)

In fact when Zeno entered my life, I told her, I don’t have the strength or energy to bear one more failure in my life. Whatever feeling you have for me, you can have it but I don’t think I will be able to share it in the similar way and I told her the story and to her goodness, she said I know how painful it is, but don’t ever think that you will get such pain from me.

I told her, I don’t want to give such chance for anyone in my life and I tried to be away from her for nearly about two months. Once in a while I will message her in face book and I think I would have called couple of times in two months time.

On her birthday, as I used to wish all my friends, I called her at midnight and to my surprise that voice from her made to feel so bad about me, because of two reasons. 1. She didn’t expect my call and the happiness in her voice was so sweet and memorable. 2. I was so arrogant that I didn’t show any feelings towards her till that moment, when I heard her happiness I felt like, if I can give this much happiness to someone then I must do it once again. I have to go for this love story once again. It happened with Zeno but it made a lot of difference with the entry of Riya.

If you lose a relationship in life, it means that it has to go. It entered your life with a purpose and let it go and realize that relationships are often seasonal, It is like the birth cycle whenever there is a birth, death is destined and where ever there is a beginning, an end will come.

Above all these, I have a bad habit of reading and taking things so seriously to my mind. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself. Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones. So if my first one was a mistake, it doesn’t mean that I have to die with that mistake, I can try once again as a new chapter.

Somehow it flashed like a thunder and I started to spend my time with these two little roses. Are they really roses? Not really, even these are with thorns, but now I know how to handle the thorns and I will not give up my love or I will allow them to give up me.

Both of them knows the pain what I have gone through and both used to give me more pleasant time and more painful times, but I enjoy each and every moment of it as I was with my SAD.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Above all one thing is true and I have to accept that all the relationships in this world are temporary. Most of our extended relationships are seasonal and it can end any point of time. Knowing this truth, why should I cry for the lost one or for the one who was not ready to give up her ego or for the one who doesn’t care about me? I have to think about making people around me, who care about me, who love me, who really needs my love and care. Above all who knows to understand the feelings of others, when I say this, I mean it and I feel that I was little aggressive with these two roses not to get hurt but somehow I used to hurt them badly and I will feel for it.

People are going to come and go from our life. When I thought that I met my best friend, perfect business associate, or the love of my life, I am pretty sure that I am going to fall down. The same thing I have told my SAD many times that I allowed you to enter my inner circle that means I am giving the opportunity to you to kill me.

It is normal belief in every relationship that people don’t misuse that freedom in the name of love. When it is with a mother and kid, it is of two own blood people and when it is between a husband and wife, there is a mutual relationship. But in this case, when it is between a third person what so ever we name it best friend, close friend or mother, daughter, brother sister, these relationships are temporary till the time they find their own or till the time they get satisfied with that relationship. It will never be a long lasting relationship, even though I have couple of roses and I have been a rose for couple of friends, still I am saying it because whatever we have it will go with little pain.

Even with these two roses, I don’t know when what will happen, but till the time I have them, I try to get hurt with more thorns so as by the time they leave me, I will not face the pain what I have gone through because of SAD. When I face the pain from day 1, I will not have more hurt when they give up me for something else.

Life is a cycle, what you give is what you get, but in my case it happens vice versa, what I don’t want others to feel is what I used to get… I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of love, but it happens on its own.

One thing is for sure that I still love SAD, I love my two roses also in the similar manner but with a little difference, I allowed SAD to go, but this time, I will never ever let them go apart from death. Only death can make us to separate from our love.

Riya is another rose but I have seen the thorns more than of getting the feeling of Rose. I don’t know the more time I spent with her, the more I used to remember my SAD. I used to feel that I am going to get hurt once again with Riya like that.

Best thing about Riya was, she didn’t even allowed me to call her and she called me on her birthday and asked me to wish her and made me cry literally thinking my SAD. I missed her birthday but I didn’t feel that I missed these lovely girls birthdays. I was not nearby them but they gave me the comfort that their day was best with my wishes. One good thing is I was given a chance to celebrate all the three girls birthday’s and not with any of them.

I have to say that even if I keep quiet for a day, my beloved roses can’t do that with me. They will try to know about me either ways and with Riya, I have to say that she will keep on fighting with me, but she will never end any communication with me. She can’t keep silence even for few hours and I realized it with so many fights in between us. Even if I try not to ping her or message her or even if I don’t respond to her texts, she will call me to find out how I am and she will message my close circle to know about my whereabouts.

You don’t need to drink the sea water to taste whether the whole water is salty or not. It is a known fact that sea waters are salty. Some of the characters of the human are unique with each other and with these roses, love was free flowing whereas with SAD, it is very hard stone and I broke my heart and head by banging on it. Still it is my sweet adorable darling, because of whom i got two more roses.

Today I can’t show my love free flowing as i was doing it with SAD, because I have a fear of failure and fear of losing my relationship and I am scared to talk to them as free as i was doing it with my SAD. Sometimes, these roses will be feeling the differences, but it is not because that i don’t trust them and it is because of the pain and hurt what i have undergone in the past.

My slogan for both of them is I know how strong my love is and wherever you people are you can’t live without my thoughts, even if we are destined to get separated. I love to give that impact and I love to get that impact. whether it is positive or negative, I have that impact of SAD with me. whatever i do, i get a feeling of my love for her or the pain what I have got from her.

This will keep on…. God took one rose from me and gave two roses, instead of looking at the closed doors, I opened the two doors and I long to knock the closed doors also because of that door only I know that this kind of love is so beautiful………… Pain is inevitable in any love stories.