Tag Archive | Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding leads to trauma

Misunderstanding

It really hurts when good friends change by a small misunderstanding. When someone is so close to your heart and there is a routine with them from the sun rise to dawn. Whether the sun rises or not, good morning comes from them, whether you sleep or not, they will tell the good night and make you to sleep is the routine what they give in us.

This is a painful story that happened more than a year ago. I wanted to post this as an article and started to think and coin with words. Creating this required lot of responsibility within me as it is going to talk about the personal affair. Most of my article will be based on the true experience or based on someone’s experience, but this time I thought I have to share the pain which was in my mind and I thought it might help me to get an answer. I didn’t post because this might hurt the friend, but now everything is over and I thought it might help someone else to fix their misunderstanding. I could not meet or ask face-to-face which has given ever lasting pain in my heart.

I know, sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major drama…. But – really if they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you and you ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least then you have tried to sort it out.

Sometimes it really is the worst things that ruin friendships, and I know it does hurt. So try to sort it out with your friend, and best of luck……

A friend of mine and I had a huge misunderstanding that seemed to have a cruel life of its own. She is a friend who has grown into family.

My Close friend is angry with me because of a misunderstanding.

Actually my close friend is not talking to me because of a misunderstanding and she was not talking to me without telling me the reason and also she was not replying to my messages or not ready to pick my calls. She knows that if I don’t hear from her, I will become crazy. I was not able to do anything and I was not aware of what I should do?

I don’t know what my fault was and I was not harsh with her for any reason and even I have not tried to show my hard feeling to her.

It was not my fault at all and I know for sure that something she misunderstood or she deliberately avoiding me.

When I feel like I have to ask her why she is doing like this, she will talk to me and she will send the messages to me, when she feels like to talk or she will reply based on her mood.

I had words with few of my friends, they used to tell me she is very happy, normal and you are the one finding it too difficult. She neither thinks about you nor does she have the same feeling what you have for her or any sort of respect for your feelings. If she is your close friend or as you think her as important person in your life, she will at least reply to your messages or to your call.

Somehow my mind was not clear and I was very anxious to know the reason, ferocious for the rejection and feeling self-pity for my situation. Neither I was able to say get lost to her nor I was able to ask the reason for avoiding me. In a way I was feeling depressed and lost all the happiness of the world which was with me for so long years.

I want to clear this misunderstanding but she is not ready to talk to me. I tried my level best by calling her, texting her, mailing her etc., and all the means were in vain and I as not able to understand what the mistake was from my side.

In the mean time, birthdays came and I wished her and she cried, till now I don’t know the reason for her tears but when I think of that, my eyes will be filled with tears (not the crocodile tears).

She could not even return a call on my birthday was the worst feeling what she has given to me in my life. Without her call, I felt so embraced as the people around me started asking me whether she called you or not?

I know she can stay without talking with anyone for some reason for more than a day or for weeks also. As I know this vehement behavior of hers, I thought I will kill my ego and call her, but no response, text her, no response.

This really caused a trauma inside me as she kept on remained without talking to me for days and it became weeks. I felt so bad and she really stopped talking to me. As I have spent my morning till evening with her either through calls, or by texts or by mails, it was very difficult.

When someone avoids us, if we know the reason, either we can correct ourselves or the opposite person for their misunderstanding. At least if we know the reason, we can feel happy that the person is not worth of our love, care & affection.

She is not the only friend for me, but I have given that much control for her in my life in a short span of time. And that started hurting me. All other friends started to feel that as if I have done a sin in my life and started to tell me in various way.

These were the friends recommendations.

Well, if she is your best friend, she wouldn’t treat you like this. Is she your best/close friend? Does she has any respect for your affection?

I am sure you understand her well as she is your best friend, you can keep quiet for a while, but the time what you are giving is not for her to relax and let her to forget you.

But she forgets you, try your best to explain it to her and find her what is wrong with her or with you and why she stopped the communication? Treating her as a close friend and killing your peace of mind is not going to solve your problem and she is not worth of it was the comments from my friends.

Even after all your trials, If she doesn’t, it shows that she may be not your best friend or conceptually something is wrong in your friendship with her, I am not sure what is wrong. As I know you, I can say let her go and you start a new beginning was from another friend.

If there is any misunderstanding she should let you know what it is.

You go and meet her in person and ask her on her face what is the issue. It was easy for me to ask on her face but I was afraid that if there was no problem or whatever she says I will trust, if my trust goes in vain or if I get a feeling that she is telling lies to me, then how can I face her again – this is what was going in my mind.

Trust me, Best friends would forgive their best friends – if you consider her as a close friend and she also considers you as close to her heart, then there is nothing can stop in between you. You don’t need to forgive her or she doesn’t need to forgive her. This is just a small communication gap, go and meet her, find out what is hurting her.

This is because best friends who would understand us, knows everything about us, who will spend time to listen us, trust us and accept us to be their best friends as who we are. This is love of a best friend. With all misunderstandings only friendship grows and it is the only one way to have a lovely relationship with friends. If someone ill treats you, then you should know that the time has come to move on. Obviously they are not a good friend to begin with if you fall out or the friendship changes because of a small misunderstanding.

It certainly hurts, but life must go on. Think of it this way, it’s best that they are not a part of your life if they are going to fall out with you over something unimportant, what about when you go through worst time? Would they support you as a friend?

Good friends are far and few and if they are true, good-by heart then they will realize their mistake and they will apologize and try to sort it out amicably.

Now this unknown reason has become unknown and the small misunderstanding has become a huge misunderstanding and there is no way to make it alright. Finally after a year and half of trauma, I have to settle myself saying that it was meant to go and let it go and it has gone.

There is no one perfect in the world and don’t try to see the imperfection as perfect rather make someone to feel that your imperfection is perfect for them and then begin your friendship otherwise these hurts will continue in life…..

A friend who gives you an advice a day is better than one who puts a pound in your hand – These are all good for saying but in reality, people go for the one who gives a pound in the hand not for the advice or for the love, care and affection. This is the reality of today’s friendship. Friendship never dies only if it was in their heart but how to find out whether the friendship is real or reel only with the situations what we face in our life.

May be with my close friend – it was meant to die but it will stay in my heart as a scar till my last-minute.

Certainly when this happened I was crystal clear that my close friend is too good and there is some reason for avoiding me, but as the time passes, I really feel so many things. I was being in a trap and I have a lot of unanswered questions which will remain unanswered.

Misunderstanding – what happens after this misunderstanding ? will see in next

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Sorry-Please forgive me

I saw a greeting card which was sent to me almost after 15 months. It was a sorry card and card is shared below.

Sorry- Nadi

To be honest, when I received the card, I was shocked because I never expected such a card from the sender, even though we had some misunderstandings and some communication gap. I never expected such a card from the sender

When I opened it , I was feeling like I was in heaven, even though I don’t know for what I received the card. I asked the sender, for what you have sent this, there was no response, and I told that whatever be the reason, I can forgive you even without knowing it. One reason to say that was, sender is not of a person who will feel for others or for her own mistakes. Since the card was from the sender, I felt I can forgive without knowing the reason.

I have seen the same card 8 months back also; at that time also I felt the same that I can forgive her. But slightly in a different manner, but at that time, I know the reason why that card was sent to me, because of her conversation/back biting with another friend. I think maybe sender would have felt bad for back biting and she would have sent the card. When sender sent the card, neither I was aware nor did she try to convey that to me. But she felt guilty and sent that card. I was happy at that time also. Sender is not of a person who will feel bad for others or for sender’s own mistake.

When I saw the card today, somewhat my mind questioned me in a different way, whether the sender really felt for the action or is it just to get rid from the god’s angle. Was it sent to me, just to get the forgiveness from me to clear the dirt? Or was it really from the heart?

If it was from the heart, the sender could have told me the reason and there is no reason to hide when I said that I can forgive any sort of her activities and I have told the sender you can do anything with me, that’s why played me as a victim of love.

Why I am posting this, with the time, our pain will heal away, is it true? I have heard with many saying that even this will pass away, if so why do we have the pain?

I used to think that it will not heal but we will try to live with that. That is what happened with me also, I started to live with pain. Now I smile, I dance, I sing, I pray, I work but hiding my pain and everyone feels that I am recovered and I don’t have any wound or scar in my heart, but nobody knows that I still have the pain and that too with the same effect.

The more I dwell with this pain, the scenarios will change and if I see this card after one more year, what will be my attitude and mindset, god only knows….. only in you I trust

At this time of sharing this thought, one of my friend shared a thought provoking video with me, which was saying about the humbleness, when someone has a beautiful face, but with an arrogant attitude, think that there is someone more beautiful than you and more humble…

To conclude, whatever be your attitude, I will be same and I have forgiven you for what you have done but I am unable to forgive myself for the punishment what I am getting. Without doing any harm, am getting punishment is horrible in life.

 

 

I know saying sorry won’t be enough…

But I really mean it…

Please forgive me!

Please forgive me! For loving you so deeply, still loving and living in your thoughts.

Contradiction

Contradictions

I started to post something on the office environment, a kind of gossip. A conversation with a young boy, made me to post this article.

I have not posted anything on this subject but I have to accept that there would have been lot of contradictory statements in my contents. You would have felt it in the same article or time to time contradictions in the contents in different articles. I have to say that it is the way how we lead our life and as our life is full of contradictions.

I have not touched this subject so far and it is really a nice topic to consider for blogging. One to one we have a lot of contradictions.

A Consistent flow will not survive for long and it means there is no change and not ready for the changes. We need changes in our life.  When there is no contradiction that means it is not going to be successful.

I was named as a rebellion and it was named by my boss in my previous organization, wherein everyone will accept to the head of the departments rules, regulations, operational tactics, management tactics, because I will always contradict with him and at least I will go for a test of reasoning. I will not blindly close my eyes and accept what he is doing or imposing is right.

An inconsistency arises, in any case, because the act of utterance, rather than the content of what was said, undermines its conclusion.

Even though I have lot of reason to dig about this contradiction, today I got two experiences and then I realized how much contradictions are there within ourselves.

Reason 1:

A contradiction is all about the person perception and within one mind. This is what happened within me and not with others. Unusual thing, I took a half day sick leave and came home, slept five hours.

At the back of my mind, I had a feeling that one of my friend is coming from India on a short visit to Abu Dhabi, via Dubai. I thought of meeting her at the airport in Dubai, so as I will not miss to meet them when they are in UAE.

I can meet them in India, but when someone comes to our place, it is better to meet them and greet them and to be part of that short visit. At the back of my mind, I was not interested to go to Abu Dhabi to meet them for any reason. Due to the very good memories of my life time, I don’t want to travel any more to Abu Dhabi.

This is where the contradiction raised. I have to meet her in Dubai airport, not in Abu Dhabi. One mind is saying it is not manners to meet someone in the airport and to say bid-adieu in the airport itself and the other mind is saying why to travel to Abu Dhabi to get more pain both physically and mentally. I know the reason for the conflicts but I don’t have any control over it. It has to happen and it will happen.

Finally I didn’t go to airport and I don’t know whether I will meet her in Abu Dhabi or not. It is the current happening and I don’t know where my contradiction will take me to.

Reason 2:

A brother of mine who is very good in photography, a young guy who is passionate towards life and the way things goes around with him and the way he used to share it with me made me to feel so close to heart.

After waking up from the long sleep, I slept like a dead body and I was feeling that I slept as if I didn’t sleep for the last few days. I had a severe headache also. As usual to get refreshed, I tuned to Illayaraja music and this brother of mine gave me a DVD full of illayaraja songs, I thought of pinging him as I was feeling that I didn’t talk to him for long time.

He pinged me Akka, within few minutes I replied him hi, how are you etc., and over the normal conversation, I told about my next trip and we had some other details to discuss.

During the discussion, I told him in the recent days I am chatting only with you; almost I reduced all my conversation with my entire friends circle. Only if someone pings me, I reply to them and I don’t even ask or try to continue the chat with anyone on anything. He said I am happy to hear this, but I thought you are not talking with me properly and you didn’t speak to me in the last two months.

 It was unfortunate to hear it, but fortunate (Contradictions :-)) that he shared it with me immediately and I was able to come out with this topic.

Instead of bringing back the old memories, I thought let me write it with the current happenings. If I give more time to post something on this subject, I would have taken an angel turned as devil, a blessing turning as curse, pleasant memories to unpleasant memories, sweet moments to sour moments…

As usual to end, I feel that the below given two sentences will be suitable for self explanation about contradictions.

Taking it easy is getting hard to do….

Keeping it simple is really complicated..

Contradictions are like the ECG movements, without the ups and down in the ECG, it will be like a straight line and it means we are dead and same happens without contradictions our life has no meaning in it.

Only thing I realized is all these contradictions has killed my confidence still I am surviving because of the blessings and the prayers of my mother.

Misunderstanding

You meet people who forget you.  You forget people you meet.  But sometimes you meet those people you can’t forget. Those are your friends.

Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful relat­ion that two people can feel and share. Friendship is about sharing opinions, dreams, fears and feelings, aspirations & ambitions, desires and hopes.

Friendship is about cherishing the old memories of togetherness of old friends with the new ones and creating a new relationship. Friendship is about enchanting conversations, which go on and on and make you lose track of time. When you watch friends hanging out and having a great time, it seems as if they just belong together. However, maintaining a friendship is not always blushing. It requires a sound mutual understanding with lots and lots of love and care for each other.

Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest.  It’s about who came, and never left your side.

Genuine friends must be cherished and not abandoned

Sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major excitement and can develop a great relationship. It really hurts very much when there is a misunderstanding between any relations and when it is between our friends, it takes us to change a lot. It hurts when two close people change by small misunderstanding.

If they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you. You ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least they will try to find out the reason and try to correct the mistake or can try to explain them about their situation and the reason for the misunderstanding. Both of them will try to sort it out, if there is real love between them.

Sometimes EGO or the immaturity are the stupidest things that spoil the relationship or creates wreckage in the relationship.

I know it does hurt when the other person doesn’t try to understand the intense of the problem or not trying to sort it out.  If one tries and the tries to pull out, then the one who tries not to give up the relationship will try to move on without the relationship because there is no other option other than giving up. Always try to sort it out with your friends/relations. I hope you talk it out with your friend. Let your friend know that you are sorry and you want to correct things with her or him.

Immaturity of the one person or feeling the friendship as immature or the person might even consider the bond as a small matter; it might be very sensitive for the other one. You know there is sometimes what we say as touchy or soft spot that may seem nothing to others but matters to us a lot.

With this misunderstanding, we never know that your friend will feel lonely even when she is in the mid of huge crowd or in between too many people. Her mind will be around the stupid friend and the stupid misunderstanding if there is love.

When there is perfect understanding, there is no chance of misunderstanding. But quite often misunderstanding comes in picture of our life. There is no relationship in the world without any expectations. A friend will expect not to lose the friendship till end) ; misunderstanding can crop up when the expectations are not met. Even small misunderstanding gets magnified and it hurts the other person to great extent. Someone whom we love can’t be given up so easily if there is no pain.

Don’t try not to communicate with each other and make the small crack to break the bridge of friendship. If there is lack of communication and Ego will join the play, then there is no end for the misunderstanding.

It’s only when each one thinks, it’s the other’s fault and are too egoistic to be the first to make up, and it does change people and relationships.

A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument.  A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after you’ve had a fight.

 A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.

 Strengths of friendship are

I love you as you are. I don’t want you to change, let me change myself for you and it will be in both the hearts and this will give the confidence in both that this will go on forever.

I might not agree with all your words what you are saying, but I will love to hear all those words and I will die if I don’t hear it.

I am sorry doesn’t mean that I am mistaken, I value the friendship what I have with you is the meaning.

I miss you says that I can’t be a stranger to you and I need you in my life, we are inseparable and don’t try to make our relationship as strange.

I miss you when I talk to you. I miss you when I am seeing you. Think how I will miss you when I am not talking to you. Don’t make me to avoid you for any reason my dear friend is what I mean when I miss you.

Misunderstandings are common everywhere. But, when you are quick in your apologies and ready to forgive, it becomes a healthy relationship.

Recognize what is petty and what is not petty as to avoid conflicts between the two.

Moving on is very easy, what you leave behind, that makes it difficult. It is really tough to take the heavy heart of missing someone because of their attitude problem.

Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. ~ Sri Chinmoy

It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of your pride.

 A true friend will tell us when we are wrong. Hear the Bible, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” 

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.

Please cherish all your friends for you never know when they will be gone.  Accept them as friends for they are your friends came in your life for a reason.  Never neglect them, their thoughts, their feelings for they will know you are not the only one to come till end.

 DON’T EVER TAKE FRIENDS FOR GRANTED, JUST BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.

There is a saying that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life. I know, I have got many and I do have a great life. Still my heart wishes to acquire some more…..