Tag Archive | male chauvanism

Rape- Rape-Rape

Getting accused for own mistake is always better than being victim of others mistake.

Rape is an act that the strangers using their force over a woman to satisfy their lust, using their power. Rapes are not the actions that are for the physical needs of a guy with the concern of the girl. I hope the guys who read this will agree to it. If so we will not have the basic concept of love, marriage and the system to follow in any culture or any part of the world.

What is the society trying to say to my Indian woman, be submissive and dependent? Yes we are dependent on these guys around us to keep ourselves safe and pure. We are not dependent on them for anything else.

I really feel ashamed to say am a woman today because of the way our womanhood is being handled all over the world. I am ashamed to say a word for females as we are doing evils by exposing the Nirbaya to the world. If we can’t secret of a woman who was brutally raped and died as a victim, what are we going to do?

RAPE is one of the thing which goes around my mind from the time of Nirbaya. There are many more Nirbaya’s happening every day in every nook and corner of the world.

The statistics say that for an hour there are 3 woman is getting raped and the so called woman age starts from the age of 3. Guys should feel shame but we still hear that a 2 or 3-year-old baby is raped and taken to hospital.

How this 3 year woman can have faith and belief in you ?

A rape is  like you are an experienced driver but due to the negligence of other driver, you have all the chances of getting killed in an accident.These rapes are not even negligence of the woman but the brutal act of male chauvinism. 

GUYS there is no such stupid statements as guys and girls are equal, the equality is shattered and we are inferior only when someone is trying to take something out of me without my concern, you become more powerful. When we resist, you become more aggressive and violent for rejecting you.

There are so many people in the world who continue their life as  normal like others without even saying out that they are the victims of rape or harassed by the guys around them.

As all the rapes are happening outside my house, I am not ready to discuss it further or take it as a serious threat to womanhood. Why the entire nation is not ready to give their support for the rape victims and to protect their information secretly and to conduct the cases faster and to give justice in short period. The rapists have to be hanged in public. I am not a wild animal, but we should show to the society, if you behave like a wild animal, you have to be shot to dead.

Fear of life will certainly not make them to do these kind of violence’s not only in a female life, but also in anyone’s life. 

Why does the rape happens is what is going on in my mind?

Is it because of the Equality?

Equality has not led to these changes. Equality means, you are having fun, talking with your friend about a girl or anything, needs to be with your friend who can be a girl. This a girl as like your friend like  your friend who is a guy. Don’t have the sexual attraction towards them.

Is it because of the women liberation? Freedom for women? I will say that it is not the reason as the rapes are not happening in the recent time, it is happening since long time, when the women were not even coming out of their houses. Now the some cases are coming out due to the power and existence of the media.

Is it because of sexual frustration? If Yes, ideally only men have to be raped not the women. Expectations of a woman are not fulfilled in most of the marriages and the woman has to live in dreams and continue her services with the household and other activities for the sake of the family. I can’t say it as sexual frustration but as sexual violence. Every Human is a social animal but not every human is a wild animal to go to this level.

Is it because of the Age factor? We are not stopping any guys not to get married earlier. Yes Child marriage is not legal.

Now the guys are so much matured and responsible that they don’t want to get into any commitment before they get settled in their profession and to manage the personal life. Even the girls are not interested to get in to the well at early 20’s and they don’t want to delay it to late 20’s as well.Both the sex prefer to get into the wedlock when they feel that it is time for them to start their new phase of life. So no one is forcing them, it is their choice to be single. If it is so then there should not be a chance for the Rape.

Why this Nirbaya or the other cases come out is because of the way she was tortured, brutal assault and she was struggling for her life-like anything. As said by the accused, she was fighting as much as she could avoid the rape. In all other cases, the victims surrenders themselves knowing that they can neither fight against these scoundrels or with the society after the incident.

I don’t wish this to happen to anyone even in my wildest dream but just for the sake of this discussion, if it happens to us or someone in our own family, would we be able to treat it as an accident and get on with life as before? Is it possible for us to recover from that situation to normal without any agony?

What will I do, if I am a victim of rape?

Either I have to stand up and shout or I have to keep quiet and live as a normal life.

At first instance itself I will fail because the man who prepares his mind for a rape is stronger than the woman and she is not aware of the things that is going to happen in her life. In this case woman will not be mentally prepared to fight and physically it is not possible to fight against the man who comes to her fiercely. when it is more than one man, she will be thinking that one will help her to save herself from the cruel act, without knowing that there is no Krishna in that group. It is like a goat fighting with ferocious lion. Lions will succeed anyway.

Now the question what will be going around that moment in my mind is whether to surrender with this lion or to get killed every second by the people around me, the so called society?

Assume that I am a rape victim, what will be my husband’s reaction? Will he treat me like before? Will he have the mind frame that it is not an intentional incident or betrayal by me? Do I have the option of having a normal life with him? Will he be ever happy again with me? Even if he tries to what is the society that is going to offer us? Even if the rape happens in front of his eyes, he will not be able to accept me as like before. This is the mind-set of our guys and we all are bound slaves of our society. I will not say that all husbands are stone-hearted or they don’t care about their wives. It is how the society accepts the rape victims.

Will my brother consider me as like before, will he be able to take me with him to a movie or to a temple?

What will be my father’s reaction towards me? How my sisters will react to the situation? what about their social statuses and how difficult it is to get a groom for them or for anyone to play a role in the society as a normal human?

Forget about how they handle me, everyone will start feeling themselves as if they were raped and they will start hiding them as if they are the victim of that rape. It is not only one person getting raped, but also the entire family gets into turmoil.

What about the extended family and I call each and every friend of mine as extended family? Do you think all my friends will welcome me with two hands as they are doing now?

Only person who will be with me all the way through will be my mother, but she will not live for long after knowing this incident as she will not be able to digest it. She would have dealt with me like the mother who did in the movie Sila nerangalil Sil manithargal of Jeyakanthan (again Lakshmi as Heroine).

If at all I was raped, then ideally as a common woman, I will keep quite only. It was my inability to protect myself from one or more guys and it is not my fault and it is the gender bias provided by god. Especially when you are in your teens, the way your body is built is not to fight and it will not have enough strength to fight.

A guy of 35 years who needs to satisfy his physical needs or society insult/arrogance with a young girl of 14 or 19 years will succeed in his attempts quite easily. When the girl tries to fight, then she will be harassed, stuck brutally and she has to undergo lot of problems.

When a girl becomes a victim without even knowing that she is going to be a victim has to surrender only rather than fighting this huge devil. Most of the rapes happens in this manner only. Girls surrender and they don’t disclose this to anyone.

Does it mean a guy is always superior than a female? Yes in this matter, because the pain and shame or whatever it is only for me not for the guy who has done it. When a guy becomes a wild animal, he is stronger than the woman. 

If at all I survive as a rape victim, I am supposed to keep quite without informing this to anyone – this means I should have a very strong heart and I am ready to fight this world with my own conscience. Only those who have gone through that trauma will know it. A movie by SP Muthuraman, Mayangukiral Oru Maadhu will say how difficult it is for a female to be a victim. (even though it is not a rape). It requires lot of physical and mental strength in woman to continue her life.

I am bold, brave, courageous, different, extrovert, friendly, outspoken, but what will I do?

I will not be able to say the truth even to one individual because if I say it out to one person, then it is not a secret and I have to struggle always with the person to whom I confessed. I have to live in a fear that when the other person will let it out.

What are the normal thing I have to hear if I share that I am a victim of a rape? The below listed are the talks which will come to my ears every now and then. It is not only for me, the entire family needs to listen to all the crap.

Girl who is extrovert will always have this possibility of getting raped.

A woman like you invites rape by venturing alone going in the dark. I am forced in so many ways, I am a divorcee, I am a widow, I am still single, I am mother of two children without husband, I am wife of handicapped husband, I am struggling for the sake of my family, I am the woman who needs to have her self-respect.

I am forced to go because of various situation, for my survival and I will not travel in the night time to get raped. If so, probably I would have chosen the other profession which is calling the rapist to come to me and we name them as a prostitute.

You cannot control on your own safety when the other person comes to you as a wild animal and what others do? I am not trying to invite someone to help me in the midnight.

Girls who dress with decently, don’t get raped. What else you want to wear a jeans and T-shirt or kurta is not enough for me to feel comfortable as decent? What about the woman getting raped who wears a traditional salwar or a saree as her dress?

Dress is not the matter for the guy who wants to rape a girl. It is the need of that particular time and a small wrong gesture from the girl also can initiate it to rape. Ideally if a woman is half naked also the guy is supposed to protect her not to rape her. You don’t need to give respect to that half naked woman, but give respect to yourself for what you are and you ought to be.

There is no such thing which can describe the character of a woman to get raped and it is the matter of the mindset of the guys and I don’t say all are wild.

It is the matter of maturity that needs to be brought in to the guy’s life. It is not the question of how the girl needs to be, it is time for the guys to know that girls are not for their sexual treasure without their concern.

If we see the few incidents that are reported in the recent times as sexual harassment or anything against women are being done when the so called women are submissive, dressed properly. Some are being kidnapped and brutally raped.

GUY’s It is not about what and who we are; it is about who YOU are. You don’t need to treat us equally but don’t try to show that you are super power by creating rape victims. Let your gestures make the girls to fall for you rather than going behind them or chasing them.

I really feel for the Nirbaya case because if it was happened in my house, I would not have let it to come out. I will not feel outraged or emotional or feeling sentiments. I would rather prefer to die than to get exposed so many times in different ways for someone else mistake.

Getting accused for thy mistake is always better than being victim of others mistake.

Just Remember the Movie Damini (Hindi) which was remade in  Tamil as Priyanka will depict the condition of the victim and it is not a film, it is the current situation of the women in India. This movie was pictured in early 1993 and I remember that I saw this movie in 1994. Now in 2015, I am writing that the status of the woman is same.

For sure, this movie would have come of late with lot of such rapes happened in the society over two decades ago. If that is the situation of today’s India, what are we doing or heading towards women liberalization? There is no improvement for the women’s life and there is no social security provided by the constituency.

We have seen 4-5 elections and nothing changed. In a month I hear that 5 victims news happened in the capital city which has come to lime light.

GUYS be like a gentleman, if you don’t know the meaning, please learn it from your mother, may be your father failed to show it to you at home. There are some psychological needs are there for men and they get aggravated easily because of their psychological issues.

For some the family itself could be a problem, for some the family could have abandoned them for their characters. Some are illegitimate children without knowing their identity. I am not blaming all guys are bad and not saying that all girls are very good.

Have you ever heard any guys getting molested in public or getting harassed by girls? 

Here and there, this will also be there but within friends circle, they will be giggling or making fun not with an intention to insult you. Even if someone insults you in public, taking revenge on a woman doesn’t going to solve this issue. Any assault done by you to a woman is going to harm you and your family reputation as well. It is not only create the woman as a victim, but you as  accused and as Convicted.

Law will take it’s own time, but your family gets insulted for no reason. Just before doing any atrocities against woman count from 1 to 100 and think your family, your mother, sister, daughter in that woman for whom you are going to do the harm. I am sure that you guys will protect her and will not try to harass her.

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Survival of the Working Women

Today I was in a mood to write about house wives, but suddenly something in my routine stuck me very badly to write about the sufferings of the working women.

It is a known truth that the women have to face problems by desirable feature of being women.  I am discussing today about the women who are paid for their employment. This article is not about the bread-winners of the family. For the bread winners there is no option, they have to work for the sake of the survival, but these women are not working for their luxurious life. There are some who are very ambitious and wants to shine in their professional life. There are some women come for work whose husbands do not earn enough or they are unable to handle the burden of the family.

Those women who are at home are not anyway lesser than the working women, but working women has to do both the role with utmost care and concern without being disturbed in both their professional and personal life. 

All the successful women in their career are through sufferings only. All our success are with great sufferings.

It is a subject which is going on in my mind for some time but now the time has come by seeing the struggles with the married women who are working with me. I wanted to discuss about those working women to their husbands and to tell them about the problems of the women who earns equal or more than their husbands and doesn’t know or don’t have time to know anything about the outside world other than the family and working environment.

There was a time where the women will choose their career like nursing, teachers, secretaries and those jobs that are in the assembly sector (routine job), wherein they restrict their career growth for the welfare of the family and to take care of their beloved kids. Now the trend has changed drastically, wherein women work more competitive with men and spend equally or more time in the working environment.

The struggle for the women starts even before getting a job; she has to start the fight for the role as the gender bias creates an obstacle at the recruitment stage itself as she is a woman.

The age-old belief of male superiority over women creates several hurdles for women at their place of work. The age differences comes in as an issue, if she is young, then it is harmful to have her within a group of guys, if she is older than also it is difficult to have her in mid of young guys as they don’t feel comfortable.

Women on the way up to the corporate ladder find it very difficult because that they have to be much better than their male colleagues to reach the top. These women are not given equal importance to climb up in the ladder but they have to give extra mile to climb up.

Once at the top male colleagues and subordinates often expect much greater ability and efficiency from a woman boss than from a male boss.  As a woman even I have the bias due to the social and psychological belief, I don’t lend support to have women in my team.  (Because they cannot stay back and work)

Working in such conditions inevitably put much greater strain on women than what men experience. These problems tend to make women less eager to progress in their careers. Indeed many of them choose less demanding jobs for which they may even be over-qualified. A woman’s work is not merely confined to paid employment.

It is really irritating factor for me to feel for them because I don’t like to feel pity for someone or for self. If at all I can do something, I will prefer to do it for them and not feeling pity for them.

In the recent times, when I see the sincere, hard-working women who are married and sufferings back home after their work or during the working hours really makes me to feel irritated and I want to become one more Kannagi to destroy these kind of men in the society.I can hear that someone saying why not as Phoolan Devi, Yes I do want to become anything to stop these atrocities, arrogance of the stupid men.

These married working women who have to almost or always shoulder the burden of household chores very well than the working environment. A woman could still bear up with these problems if she had control over the money she earns. But in most families even now her salary is given to father, husband or in-laws. So the basic motive for seeking employment of getting independence is totally nullified in many women’s case.

There are some women who don’t know what the pin number of their ATM cards is and simply they will say husband will take care of everything. I don’t even know what is their bank balance is, he handles the financial part for our family.  He should handle the financial part of the family without depending on the women’s salary is the role of the head of the family.

A woman has to work, earn, be at home on time, take care of the kids, serve the husband like a slave, are we calling this as women freedom?

When I see the husbands calling their wives to know about their whereabouts during working hours and I see some of the male colleagues receiving the calls from their house wives who are at home.  By large there is a lot of changes in the communications of a call from a husband to wife and from a wife to husband.

When it is from a husband to wife, the woman who is working has to tell he husband about her whereabouts or what she is doing without even thinking about the surroundings.

Indian working women do not get the respect they need from their male colleagues in the workplace, it is because of these Indian men who doesn’t know to give respect to their wives as a professional.

When it is from a house wife to her husband, the guy from his desk responds instantly that he is busy with work without even thinking about the surroundings. Is it because of the gender bias or is it because that the house wife is disturbing the man who is at work? Is it not a disturbance call for the working woman from her husband when she is at work?

When these husbands will realize that their wives are not given a separate cabin to discuss or explain the routine of hers from office. Even those guys sitting inside a cabin will not be lovable or soft speaking to their wives as everyone works under pressure.

Why don’t these men think that these domestic pressures in women will lead to physical and mental problems like depression and psychiatric problems?

When our gentlemen(still I am calling you guys as gentlemen for the care and concern) will realize that women also have the career aspirations?  

I really don’t understand these men, why do they want their woman to work, if they don’t trust or give them the liberty to work?  We women are not fools to spend our time at office unnecessarily. There are men who will go for playing snooker, billiards, table tennis or any other sports as part of their working time, but it will be very difficult for these men to find out such woman who is ready to leave their responsibility of their kitchen and kids and going for playing for their self relaxation or for health consciousness.

My dear gentlemen, provide your wife the comfort that she is a professional and accept that you are a husband of a professional woman. I have seen guys who never question their wives while they are at work. I really admire those guys for giving that freedom to work. It is a boon for the wives and these wives can see success in the corporate sector and it is easy for them to climb the ladder when they get the support from their better half. Even if they don’t get the support in the household works, women can manage it, but if the husbands become bitter half, then their personal and professional life goes for a toss.

Balancing the personal and professional environment is not an easy task and those who are trying to show their manliness qualities of having rights to know about their wives, please try to handle these responsibilities of women for two weeks, then you will come to know who is the stronger/strongest and I wish that wives also should start questioning these men in such a way they have to leave both their personal and professional life which is very obvious from a man, but a woman will stay stronger with a smile and say them better luck next time.

There are lots of issues that they face in the working environment which can be shared with the husbands and few cannot be shared even with the husbands not in an intention to hide it from them, but to keep them cool and happy. The sufferings of women if known to men, we think that the men will feel for it and repent badly for making their wives to work for the sake of the family.

When we can think on your behalf, why don’t you think on our behalf? Is the brain of women only has got the ability to think for men? Why don’t these men think from their wives shoes? When will this change come in place and when can we see our ladies doing their work happily without having a fear of personal life? When can I see the natural smile of my fellow colleagues without any mental trauma?

I hope answers will get in few decades with the next generation or the male chauvinism will still go on forever?