ஊமையாக்கும் உன் சுவாசம்
ஏன் என்று கேட்டிடாமல்
ஐ என்று சொல்லி
ஓடிடுமே இந்த இதயம்…
When I in class 6, I used to ride the Luna/Mopeds without anyone and couple of complaints my mother got from the school class teacher and the merchants on the main market road also used to inform my mother. They used to tell her that she is going to die in an accident only. It was not a curse but out of care and affection. I used to tell my mother, tell them not to cry for the death. I will bunk the school and will get caught red handed with mopeds.
Same way, I learned the biking also very early when I was in the class 7 or 8, I was so small and tiny, not even having the capacity to move the bike, but I used to ride it and the balance it well because of my interest, concentration and will power. The First bike was Yamaha-Rx-100 and even now I used to have the same fear in my mind, but I will not show it out and I will ride it as if I am a skilled biker. Only for the Bajaj-M-80 the height issue was not here and for all other bikes like Yamaha Rx-100 or the latest bikes like Apache, Unicorn or bullets my height is a minus point but I love to ride the bikes irrespective of its heights.
If at all I have to die in an accident, I wish to die when I ride a bike with a helemt and jacket and spot death.
Accidents Taught me Great lessons in life and how I worry about others lives.
An interesting accidents about my two-wheeler stunts are one riding it at 40 kms/hr and dashed it in a lamp-post to save a little girl from hurt, and the M-80 which I was riding was one of my friends and it got hurt badly and even I was hurt. I took the vehicle to a mechanic shop to repair it, but the guy told it will take time to repair it, so I was forced to give it to my friend without repairing it and with an injured face of it. A sad part of life is this friend of mine is no more today because of his biking passion. In the year 2000, drank too much and was riding his new CBZ bike and met with an accident. Luckily he survived in that accident, but died due to some other issues after couple of years.
One more accident also in M-80 and that to save a little boy who was rushing from the opened gate and entered the main road, I applied a sudden brake and got skidded. I fell down, luckily was wearing a helmet and was not hurt. As soon as I got up, I was checking the vehicle and the people who gathered around were scolding me to check whether I am hurt. This time it was in my own bike and I was very cautious about the maintenance of my vehicles.
Another accident was while I was standing for a signal, I don’t know how I fell down and the reason for it was a guy in a bi-cycle. Even this time, I was not ready to see or whether I got any hurt or not, I rushed to office. As soon as I reached, I was limping while walking and a colleague was making fun without knowing that I met with an accident. Literally I was in tears and told my boss that I met with an accident. Everyone scolded and asked me to check what happened. This was a kind of major accident for me, a piece of flesh was out on top of my left knee. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was shocked to see the flesh out and I told him that accident happened 10 mins back only but it happened 1 hour back. He was literally shocked and asked me to consult an ortho and he said there will be some crack, she needs to be in bed rest for 2 weeks.
I told the doctor, I am perfectly alright, my tears are after seeing the flesh out and it is out of scare not because of pain, just do the stitching and I will be back to office. But my boss asked the ortho-appointment immediately and a young hero kind of doctor again visited me to check my leg, he did small tests and said she is lucky looks like everything is fine. If any swelling is there, do take an X-ray immediately. Otherwise just go with pain killers.
Then the physician did the stitching and I went to office, everyone was feeling as if I had a fracture in my leg. I called up couple of my friends and asked them is it possible for them to come out of their offices. Both of them said yes afternoon we will meet. I told them to come to a movie hall to watch a movie and I told my boss, I want to go home now.
As he knows that the medicines are heavy, he said you will feel drowsy, so go home and take rest, no need to come for 2-3 days. I told him, I will update him the next day and went home. I had my afternoon lunch at home and then told my granny that I am going to watch a movie with friends. She started scolding and screaming, I told her that I came from office just to watch the movie not to feel that I got hurt or I am not capable of working.
Now my friends would have got the movie tickets and I want to go and watch it. I called up my friends and they were still in office. So I told them I will come and pick them and one of them said, she will walk down to the theater as her office was nearby. Sometimes Accidents are good to take a break from your regular routines.
One accident which I can’t forget in my life was with my father. He was riding the bike and due to some reason, we fell down, I think because of the sun glaze. Heavy bleeding in my fathers foot and little scratches in my hands, after seeing the blood I got giddy and fainted. My father ran to the nearest shop to get water with that blood. After waking up, i said blood, he said nothing, don’t get scared for this. Don’t tell the world that you fainted because everyone around you thinks that you are very bold lady.
Yes I am bold lady, when it is the blood of others, but when it is your own, you will not know what to do. There is a proverb in Tamil, Thaan aadavittalum than thasai aadum… I realized it on that day.
Most interesting thing from the biking experience is my friends and the way they all supported and supporting me.
Three of my friends bought new bikes on the same day and all the three wanted me to pick up their new bikes from the show room. We were five friends and all of us went to the shop, took the first bike for a friend and I was the one to ride the new bike and dropped it in my friend’s house and we continued the same exercise for all the 3 friends. Five of us will go to the show room and I will start the bike and bring it to their home. (I guess I will be the only one to ride 3 new Hero-Honda – Splendour from the same show room in a day) – If I am not wrong this should be in 2000. A new Bike TVS Fiero also has given me the opportunity to ride it with a new registration board.
Then we all went to the temple to follow the religious sentiments. That was really a great honor to me as a friend from all the 3 guys. I will cherish that moment all my life and I don’t know any where about’s of two of them and the other friend said, I just sold the bike because of its condition as it was almost 13-14 years old.
This is not the only case, I know for sure there are many friends who will not give their bikes to anyone but they will give it to me for the first ride or without any issues. There were some guys used to fight that how come you are giving your bike only to her and not to us kind of.
Some experiences are treasures of life which I have to lock it in my memories. Sharing this makes me to smile from my heart. Life is beautiful to look back and I feel so fresh and thinking that how many good friends and how they all made it beautiful. It can’t be beautiful only with me and without all these good friends.
One of the reason for me to stay happy is my friends and because of the same friends I used to get hurt badly also. But I used to recoup with a new set of friends or group of people. The best ever happenings in my life is my friends circle and the way I used to keep it up, thanks for those who are there in all my good and bad times and providing the dignity and serenity of friendship.
Passion for work will continue…..
Today is one of my friends Birthday – Best Friend – Happy Birthday to you, Love you and miss you dear.
It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.
Funny thing to look back your life when you are in forty. I have to say thanks to god that I got the time to look back it. One important factor for me to be happy, smiling is I live my life and I am not living it as a forced life. For most of them, they take their life at forties as forced life, by thinking about their kids education, marriage, or about their house loans, and other commitments.
I am living a most satisfied life and I started the savings habit when I was in my school days, and it is still their. Only I know that I was having the helping nature from my school days, whatever I used to have with me, I will distribute it to others. A boy studied with me used to do paintings very nicely, but he was not able to get the acrylic colors and without a need, i bought it and shared it with him to develop his painting interest. I don’t know where he is and how he is also, but I still remember him by that short black boy and his name was karthikeyan.
I think and whatever is there in my memory, I was notorious only. At the age 7, I started riding the bi-cycle on road. I remember that most of the girls and boys in my area learned cycling through me and my effort & guidance. I don’t even remember that children of that age will not try to leave the hands and ride the cycle, but I tried to leave one hand and I was able to balance the cycle and next day I tried to do it leaving both the hands, without the knowledge that the cycle was too heavy for me to balance and it was not a small bicycle to do my gymnastics in it. When the cycle size increased, my height was not increased and I was forced to fall down and get hurt.
Foolish mind never got settled with the hurt in one hand, leg, once again tried and in the same place i fell down and got hurt in the same way in the other hand also. After Two days i realized that it was not only the balance issue, there was more sand in that particular place and because of which the cycle speed was getting reduced suddenly as if i applied a sudden brake. I do repeat the same mistakes even now and get hurt again and again, but with a smile saying that I know it is going to hurt.
I have to say both cycling and biking are my passion and I can’t give up both for any reasons. What all naughtiness I have done with my cycles…
Earlier I used to use the rental cycles and when I was in my class 5 I got the first cycle, Hercules Captain and a huge hero ladies cycle. Both sisters used to go together and come together.
Before class 5 we used to practice cycling on road with my mother’s used old bi-cycle.
During my 9th I got the Standard the craze of BSA SLR trendy cycle – the love for that cycle is flying in a high speed to reach home as first person is one of the wonderful feeling. Secondly, coming as a slow cyclist along with the friends who used to walk to their houses is one awesome experience, especially when my friends used to scold me, either go fast or walk with us and don’t do this slow cycling with us. I love it and the feeling of thinking about it makes me to bring a big smile, a teenager smile.
The happiest moments of my cycling life was carrying a huge water can to school almost 5 or 7 ltrs of water. We used to go to school as a group close to 7 or 8 kilometers one way and all of them will finish their 1 Ltr of water bottle half the way or close to school. I think Sharing has started when I was in my school days.
Apart from carrying the water bottles, the way I used to carry the cricket bat and badminton rackets in my cycle makes me to feel that I miss that golden age. I want to go back and start my life as a sports personality which I could not do it because of being born in a small middle class family.
Even now I feel that I want to go in a bi-cycle with a cricket bat on it or a badminton racket in it.
My Passions are not only with my cycles, it got extended to Mopeds, Bikes….
Biking Experiences will continue…..
When I was thinking hard for a title to write, my sister asked me to write about myself. Whatever I say, it is all about me only. Whether it is about love, passion, kindness, hatred, profession, colleagues, debates etc., all are part of my life.
This time, I thought I have to take time to say about me but in others eyes. I would like to share the profound insights of how I was and how I am – Profound Transformation of Sweet Sixteen When I am @ 40. My energy level is of 16 and my thoughts of life is par above forty.
Most of my friends feel that I am blessed and the happiest person in the world. Yes I am, but to be a blessed person or to be the happiest person, it doesn’t come easily to anyone or by chance. It is a choice taken by every individual. Choice is controlled by us and executed with our energy and exact event and chance is not controlled, and chance is by luck and of uncertain factors.
Whether it is love, care, affection I give a lot. What do you get is what most of them ask me, yes for sure hurt only from everyone, but still I do it. Because we never know what kind of situation the other person is going through, a kind gesture, simple smile, caring word, ears to listen can make them to feel better from their situation, which in turn can make them to feel that there is someone for them and can provide them the strength to live their life and to face their struggles with a smile.
Why should I do?
This is the million dollar question for which i don’t have a straight forward answer. I know the pain of not having it. I should say that this is a Journey that inspired me when I got the support from my family, friends, extended family, and colleagues when I was to be abandoned, not to be cared, not to be tolerated. Whatever people have seen me in the last 10 years is a total refinement of my age, experience, and quality people around me.
I was very arrogant, wild and adamant as like all others and even now I have all these but I chose to be forgiving than to keep my self-hurting or considering for a revenge. What all negative qualities that are not required to be with a female, you can see all of it in me.
Today, I am not ashamed to say it, because of the way I changed my attitude towards life. Most of the time, I am away from my family and the change was required in me to have some people around me. Attitude towards life changed when you start your travel alone. You will love everything and start feeling to share everything you own to others because you don’t have to save it for your next generation or to anyone else.
The world becomes your relatives and a stranger becomes your friend and a friend becomes relative. I choose to be happy and Life is a cycle, comes with the birth and death. What we do in between matters and I started to do what matters to me.
Even now with full of tears in my eyes, I will say that I am happy because I know that tears is not because of some stupid reason but full of feelings for someone in this world. Occasionally I do shed because of anger, but it is part of life.
Of course I learned the best of life from my mother. Even though she was not having any reason to smile, she used to have a smiling face all the time. She was very beautiful and one of my cousin used to tease us by asking my mother, none of your daughters are closer to your beauty.
The care and affection at the right age was not available to all 3 of us, because my mother was working and it is not like today’s era, to have everything at one phone call. She needs to travel close to 4 hours in a day and 9 hours of working, by the time she reach home, most of the days I would have slept. Same way our mornings were in hurry bury to get ready to school and office.
After School, we used to open the doors Big NAV-TAL Lock, and we will change our uniforms, without anyone we will do our home works. Most of the time, we were taken care by the neighbors. of course my maternal relatives were helping in taking care of us, because none of them were able to guide us properly or to take our talents in positive directions. (a typical middle class family)
Hemant once asked me, @ forty you are so naughty, and how you would have dured your childhood days? Naughty, beauty etc., are sort of comments because of the transformation what happened in me. Over the time, everyone will get this transformation. They will choose to be spiritual and I chose to live my life with happiness (I am spiritual, but I don’t do lot of things related to spiritual activities. I keep my mind and body clean. When your mind is clean, your heart will be filled with joy. Again, Happiness is a choice and not a chance.
It is very hard to predict me, when someone things that I will get collapsed for a hard situation, but I will take it easily, for the things which I have to take it lightly, I will make it as big hue and cry.
It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.
This is a special thank you for the one whom I lost without knowing the reason…
Thank you for entering my life. Thank you for being Unique. Yet one more day thinking that you are not far away from me.
I used to tell you when I used to miss during the weekends or during our vacations that missing you makes me to feel more love for you. I don’t know may be because of that only you left me forever to love you more and more.
When we lose our loved one in the name of death, it is painful, but when we lose the dearth one without knowing the reason is more painful.
Many May come and Many may go, but the way I miss you can’t be measured by words. I keep myself so busy and I love two more like you, but still the pain in my heart is so much. I don’t think it can be repaired by anyone. I have one who will make me so happy with her presence and the other is like my Shakti, who will bring in all the powers even at the time of my deadly hours.
There is a saying that if someone hurts in the name of love, we need the same person as medicine. I tried different medicines, but the pain of missing you is increasing rather than reducing. I tried to find my peace with a Sorry message, immediately, your sorry greeting card came into my life. I shared it in my Facebook wall and everyone started asking me to whom you are saying sorry, I was not able to tell them that this is a lovely sorry I got from you without knowing the reason for it.
There are some people who come for a reason and who leaves without any reason only. But your entry in my life has shown me a new phase in my life.
Life is as usual beautiful but if you are there in my life then it is the most beautiful place in this earth. As you have become my world, I am unable to search where you are as the place doesn’t matters, but the person matters.
Few of my friends asked me, do you still wish her and think about her?
Just because we don’t talk doesn’t mean that I hate her or I don’t care about her. I do care about her and love as I did before.
Do you think she reads your blog? For sure, I know she will read it. If so, she would have responded to your messages, love or at least a word to know about you. It is not that she hates me, even if she hates me, she will read my blog and she will know that I am good, that is enough for her. As the way I say that I love her, she will also.
Sometimes, we forgive people simply because we still want them in our life, I want her in my life, if not as she was, at least as my dream daughter. I love her the most for making me to feel the most precious love of life. I have got all the happiness only because of that feeling what I got it through her. Only the doors of her heart is closed, but not the doors of my heart. I can’t knock it, but she has all the rights to break mine.
We don’t need communications through words. I am doing it to show it to her, even I wish to hear from her, but when I don’t get any news about her, god shows it to me in my dreams.
You will not believe also that I miss you more and more… now a days I dream a lot about you. What is a big thing in dreams? I am a day dreamer and I will not dream when I am asleep, but now you are coming in my dreams when I am in my deep sleep. It is new for me.
You know the way you came in my dream and told that I am going to be in Abu Dhabi. I was walking very fast in a Mall, suddenly I felt that I saw you and there was an eye contact with you, I came back to see is it you, yes it was you and there was drop of tears in your eyes and suddenly I got up from the sleep with tears in my eyes. It looks cinematic, but it is fact that I saw the tears in your eyes.
I don’t know whether this dream will become true or not, but I wish it to happen. I miss you the same way I was missing you in 2012 my dear SAD. Is it possible for you to make me SMILE once again ? Will this year 2015 bring that SMILE back in my Life?
“When a mother put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world.”
Amma Happy Birthday ! ! !
A mother never exists before the birth of the kids, and I can feel so proud of being the eldest even though I have not done something great as eldest daughter.
You’ve been with me even before my birth and enthralling moment of being a mother needs to be learned from you, and one thing is for sure in this world is that You’ll stand by my side, as long as you’re on this earth.
I never gave you an opportunity to feel proud of myself as your daughter but in all the phases of my life you have been the most wonderful guide, philosopher and a friend who never made me to feel that I failed in all the phases of life.
I am still a proud daughter because I see my mother as a successful woman, independent lady, was very caring daughter for her parents, still lovable sister to her siblings, lovely lady for all the relatives and sincere and passionate hard working woman, very friendly colleague, adorable friend for everyone. Above all, you are our angel mother and the three stupid daughters are in need of you all through their life.
Today after spending 40 wonderful years with you, I am still the same useless daughter but proud of one thing is that you are my mother. Wishes can pour in all through your life from all the nook and corners, but being with you on your special day is the most wonderful moment which this daughter can do for you.
I don’t know how long it will take me to make you feel proud about this daughter but you can feel happy that all your daughters are so blessed to have you as our mother. We cherish each and every moment of your life and the moments that you dedicated for us. I love each and every small gesture of yours whether it is with us or with our kids or with our relatives or with your friends. You are the best in whatever you do ma….
A mother’s love is so special and a never-ending gift. A love from mother is always there for the kids, especially whenever the kids need a lift.
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. – we will always think of you ma.
I really don’t know how to thank you for being so kind, lovable, caring for your grown up daughters and still keeping your spirit as a mother irrespective of your age and ailments. It is very difficult for us to handle our kids as like you have done with us. we need to learn from you to be so lovable to our kids.
You are the most inspiring personality of my world and wish I could do 50% of what you have done for us.
In the recent times, whatever cranky things I do, you never get heated up or show your anger instead you are showing your love and care so generously. Especially in my last trip, if I would have considered our roles vice versa, me as a mother and you as Uma, then I would have scolded very badly for riding that huge bikes, but as a mother you shared a beautiful smile and said your bike riding looks like an advertisement for a bike. I don’t think I can do this with my daughter in spite of me riding the bikes and bullets. Similarly for the hair cut, this looks beautiful, maintain this and it suits you and you will look like Kiran Bedi. I expected you to scold me, but with your encouragement, I felt so bad because if you can do such encouragements for these small things for which it is not required, what all you would have done if I would have shared my thoughts when I was young.
I should have written it on your 60th Birthday, but somehow missed it because of Granny’s demise and other personal reasons.
When we hear this from you on our birthday’s we feel so happy and I know on this day you will be missing your mother more than us.
Amma, I am so happy to be with you and whatever comes on my way I will handle it with this happiness of being with my beloved family.
Amma, May gods fulfill all your small personal wishes and make you happy forever as you are now.
Happy Birthday Amma. My Prayers for the day is to keep you smile and happy at least today without showing any hard face to you.
Art of writing is a blessing and this comes with everyone easily over a period of time. Practice makes man perfect.
This is really an old chapter of my life and I don’t write anything as imaginary things in my life. I live truly and I say and do everything from heart. This content is also about someone whom I love and I will love till my end of my life.
I started writing this content on 5th May’2012, but somehow I could not finish it and share my love for her. I am sorry for the delay but I guess this is the right time for me to post.
How is it possible for us to have the same level of love from the year one till now?
I love words. I love to speak and coin them and even now, I must admit, I have fallen into the joy of writing. I don’t know when I started scribbling, and when my friend told me that I started scribble long time back and only she can comment on it because I would have spent ages to write my love for her. She knows it but still I tried to convey it through words, I failed in that. I prepared a power point presentation with 1500 slides and shared it with her.
In two of the slides, I said that don’t ever come after my death nearer to me, because seeing your tears, I will get up to wipe it. That is the level of my love.
In another slide, I will pray to god that I have to die after her because I don’t want her to see the death of her dearth child. That is because I value her love for me.
I know for sure that she has not read even 500 slides, she would have felt so bad for me because I wasted so much time. She said hey stupid, do you need to waste so much time to say your love to me? I know it with your one smile and in one drop of your tear my dear kutty naai( Puppy).
During the course of time she said, I really admire you for your sincerity and dedication and concentration and the way I used to be with my computers, she knows that I can only do something with computers and any other things will not interests me like a computer.
Of course she will not allow me to shed the second drop of tear and she will wipe the first drop of my tears and with a hug she will say, why you have to shed your tears, am here to handle you and you are my first love.
The thorns on a rose are not there to hurt us, it is there to guide and protect us.
She was the one who made this (me) thorn to a rose and for some time she was like a thorn towards me and I failed to understand that those thorns feelings are to protect me. For those who feel now me as pleasant personality is all because of this wonderful friend of mine. Now I can’t show my thorny face to those whom I love or those who are close to my heart. I learned to show the bright smile from her.
Whatever people feel as my great personality in the last 6-7 years, I have to say that it is all because of her. I can’t say that we never had any arguments, every day we used to have arguments, because we both are two extreme kinds of people.
Even we had a big fight and we were not communicating with each other for more than a year. But we were living with the same feeling, thinking about each other’s betterment of life. The main reason for me to share this is, we know that we love each other to the core and we know that the gap is only a temporary gap.
When she was trying to avoid me for some personal reason, I was in angry that she was not ready to convince me, because she is the one who can make me to convince me in all the phases of my life. My anger was not on her but why she was not trying to convince me. After sometime I realized that it was not her mistake, but I was not in a right mind of state to accept anything from her.
I hope when she would have got a call from a training institute for conducting some training. I told the trainer not to use my name, but I hope she would have felt that it was through me. That moment she would have realized that I care for her.
During that 1 year time, she didn’t communicated with me directly, but she was sending mails, sent some SMS’s as wishes etc from a new number. When I asked her who is this, simply a word your sweet heart and that’s it, all my anger will vanish at that moment and I will start feeling my love for her.
I love to hang around with my friends and for her no one is required. To great knowledge I can count her friends, and to my great knowledge I can’t count my friends. Even a stranger will become a friend to me in few minutes and for her it will take ages for a stranger to become as a friend. When I used to see her in the beginning, I used to feel that she is a rude female and she will not smile at all. Even if we smile at her, she will take time to smile, because she can’t act and she has to smile from heart.
I will trust blindly everyone and she will rate the person and start trusting them slowly. In spite of huge differences between us, we have a very nice understanding. We give respect to each other very much. At times I was so arrogant and I will behave childish. I will get wild and she was adoring, admiring and adjusting me to the core. I know how much she was tolerating me.
Thanks for your patience and tolerating me. I have to say that she is of a person who will feel more for me than me if I shed a drop of tear. She is not only a friend for me a god mother as my family used to say it to me.
I know for sure that I have tender qualities and I tried to show myself as a rigid character and not as a soft personality to anyone. In a way I want to become the old wild animal to kill two animals, but god has made me to be soft through you and I can’t go back to start a new beginning with my wildness.
I remember 6 months ago, you told me that there can’t be second person like you in my life. I have to agree to you that yes because we are very loving and we know to give respect to each other’s feelings and we have a beautiful relationship. Above all it is destiny and god has decided that we two have to share this relationship till end of our life.
I learned that “Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength only from her. I love you for teaching me the great values of life and I thank you for making me so soft in my life. whatever I show to the one whom I love is because I learned it from her.
You entered my life as a mentor, stranger, friend, and became everything to me. You are the one who made a rock as a diamond. Whatever I am today, it has your efforts in all the ways. It is really a god’s gift for me that I will always be surrounded by good people, if some bad people come they will either turn good or they will leave me. I am not worried about those who leave me and I am more concerned about those who live with me
I owe a lot to you for the way you changed my life, but I don’t know how to return it to you. As you used to say, I need you till end of our life.