What is Grief?
Grief is the term used to describe emotional responses to major losses. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are all terms used to describe the same thing: the intense pain that follows the loss of a loved one.
I remember this word was told by my best friend recently and she said to me, you are not shedding your tears for the one who cheated you, but you are grieving for your lost child. Yes she was correct. I would have taken the grief also happily, if the kid would have died but it killed everyone and it is enjoying its life.
Most shameful thing is that one for whom I am killing me(my happiness, peace, health, wealth, good habits) also asked me a question, if I die what will you do? I told her, I am not a Muslim to pack my grief in 3 days and we will have grief for one year and at least I will have deep pain for a year. but I didn’t know that before her death itself she will give that pain to me.
I know I was attending my own funeral by killing my happiness
This time I am not going to write about someone who is living, and this is about someone who will live in the hearts of many/ those who know him.
Senthil Mariappan – A Supply chain management consultant whom I know through my ERP network and I have not seen him during his life time, who has considered me as his sister and we used to chat a lot before and after his marriage. Due to work pressure and work tension and other unwanted association, I stopped most of my communications with many good hearts and Senthil was one among them.
Today I regret for not chatting with him during the last 1 year time. Most of the time, I used to communicate with almost those who are known to me and I don’t keep too much gap in my communication.
Due to the restrictions of the Gmail access and other social networking access in most of the companies, I have not seen him in online for long time and I am not very good in calling and speaking to my friends. I prefer to have the networking only through Gtalk or through Facebook. I do call those who used to pick their phone to reach me. Somehow we didn’t develop this kind of communication within us. I regret for not doing this my friend.
I have constant communications with his friends and I have asked about this guy with another friend also.
Suddenly a new ID, asked for permission to add me, I thought it is from a person who made me stupid by all means as I am expecting something from him. So added and asked a rough question who is this? He asked “Do you know Senthil, I told him I know many Senthil as my brother’s name is Senthil, a friend from Abu Dhabi is Senthil, and couple of more people as Senthil from ERP network.
Even before answering my question he said, he passed away in Andaman. I was shocked and he pasted the local newspaper content.News paper confirmed it happened on 17th March. Tears were flowing like anything because of thinking about his wife who was married two years back. There are some ugly characters living in this world, but god likes only good hearts. He gives more pain to those who are good and takes good people to his kingdom who are very soft and good.
I was shattered; I was unable to believe that he is no more. I was not able to believe it, but the newspaper message said that it is him and it has shown the license copy of my friend. He died because of a heart attack and at the age of 31. Oh god, you are giving stone heart to some people and so soft heart to good people? what is this my lord? why are you playing like this?
There are people who are asking you for death, there are people who are sinners, who are cheaters, who are betrayers, who live and suck others blood like an animal, and this guy is so soft, a good heart person and why you wanted his life to end so soon?
Anyway I was grieving for something and god is showing that these kind of things are happening in the world, don’t worry, good deeds and bad deeds doesn’t come with others deeds. It is based on their own deeds only.
Grieving Losses – Grieving the loss of someone whom we love will be there in our heart for a long very long period and it is very painful process. But there is still hope. That we will cope up and come back to normal.
Grieving from a loss and healing from that loss require one to examine and re-examine the place of a loved one or a relationship. This process, the grief stages, of getting used to life without someone close to you can take over a year to work through. Experts have compared the death of a child, for example, to what it feels like to lose a limb. It gets easier to cope as time goes on, but it still takes a long time to work through the stages of grieving.
It’s easy to formulate a theory or a process for your grief to work through; however, actually working through those stages of grieving proves much more difficult. We may have a lot of method to grief, and each method looks different for each person.
After all, some steps in the healing process are easier than others—some days are easier than others. Your relationship with your loved one was unique (as like her name); expect you’re grieving to be unique. The way of hurt is also unique, very deep and it is very difficult to get healed, but god has shown the ways.
My grief was not in coping with death which allows you to meet really supportive people, but the death of someone inside the heart. But this death of my friend really made me to feel that why should I grieve because god has not taken that life, and even if it happens I will not feel heartache this much because I know that she is an unworthy person.
This death of my friend has given me a lesson that I have to be supportive to those who lost him as a mentor, the person who shared this news with me has got my mail id from my friend(Senthil) saying that she is my sister, send your CV to her, she will help you.
Somehow this new friend has not shared his CV with me, but when I got the friend request from him, I was really in a different mood and I was feeling that someone is going to get killed by me.
Bereavement requires a grief support group. Somehow I have an aversion of death and I used to get ready for the people around me about their death well in advance so as I can take it up when I face the situation.
As you work through the death of a loved one, you need a place where you can vent, where you can be honest about grief and your emotions, and where you can move through the grief stages without fear or regret.
If we get ready to get the support for the grief, it can provide a really support of friends who identify with you at a very deep level. They can move beyond showing you sympathy to really empathizing with you. I can say that I got lot of support to come out of the grief, unfortunately I was not able to come out of the grief and the situation how I was has become grief to many people around me. With the existing pain I was in deep pain because all the lovable people around me are also suffering because of me.
Will I ever see my loved one again?” The bonds forged by shared experiences are the strongest bonds. And, as you struggle to find meaning in death and dying, realize you’re not alone.
Sometimes, the sadness may be an opportunity for us to return to faith in God or involvement in our religious system. The belief in an afterlife can really ease our minds when it is for others but when it comes to loss of family members or the death of a child it is really a difficult task to handle.
I was killing myself for the death of my unborn child is really painful because, it was not born to me, but it was in front of me, it was not my adopted child, it was not of my blood and I just felt the feeling of a child through her and how could I come out of this heavenly feeling?
She is alive and I have to consider her as dead. How to grief for the one who is alive and need to feel that she is dead? How to control myself with this feeling? What kind of death you have shown to my kid god? Why did you give that feeling through her? If I don’t grief for this then for what I could grief and I will not be called as a human because I don’t show my grief out for any other things other than the people hurting me in this way.
Normally When I grieve for someone deeply, I will think 100 times and Iw ill come out faster. This time my grief is not only because of the death of my child, but also because of self-pity and I was not able to forgive myself for allowing someone to play with my feelings and sentiments
What is the purpose of grief in our life? The other name of mine is Hope and Encouragement. The way I give my hope and encouragements are from me, and it is not from their strength, it is from my strength, I am giving them the life of hope.
My word of hope creates encouragement in them and they find the hope in front of their eyes through me. To give others hope, I must have the hope of living and leading the life happily. I can’t tell someone smile from heart, when I don’t smile. When I say something to others I have to follow and I don’t like to tell someone which I don’t follow. I am a follower and not a preacher.
Finding God and Your Grieving – Anything under God’s Control is never out of control, God will make a way even though there seems to be no way!
May of my friends suggested me to enter into spirituality, but for me it is a big problem that I can even think about god, when I am not happy. That means I pray to god only when I am happy and I can’t go to him to cure my pain or sorrow. It is not the time to embrace my god, because he knows that I am weak if he gives me trouble. He knows my strength, he knows my weakness, and if he is giving me some pain means, he knows that I need the strength to overcome this and he knows when to give that strength also to me.
I beg for others to god not for my weakness because that weakness was given by god, why should I go and beg him saying that give me strength. I will say, I know you are the creator, you are the screen play writer, you wanted me to go through this pain, I don’t know how long I have to go through this, but give me the serenity to understand that “Even this will pass away”. I am very weak mentally and only with you I am a very strong woman. You are my strength, I trust in you and I move with your guidance. Do whatever you want to do with me. If this is your wish and play, let me enjoy and suffer it.
You want me to curse someone, let me do it, you want me to feel someone as very bad human of this world, let me feel it, but don’t make me to hate her. If you say that, then there is no use of all my grief. I know god, with great difficulty only you made me to come out of that hell. But still why did you allowed me to enter into the hell.
The Hold books are real, authentic, genuine book– filled with the stories and thoughts of real people. I don’t prefer to get into religious sentiments when I am sad because our mind will not allow us to get in touch or to feel the divine.
I know it helps to convince us that our grief is just in our head. Your grief is real, your pain is actual, and there’s still the opportunity for true healing.
If you consider most prominent people from religious front, their life was filled with sorrow, much of their life they will be betrayed, cheated, or wanted to be killed by his opponents, close friends cheating, family taking revenge, but they will be able to devote their time to god. Somehow I have not come to that situation to devote my time to god because I was holding the unwanted things in my hand, head, heart…
To end whatever I am, it is the glory of my beloved parents, friends, siblings, family, surroundings and the heavenly father. I know only one thing is that I don’t go with the wind, but I go with guidance of my god. My trust and faith in you can’t be shattered because of this kind of painful moments. I know you will help me to recover, but it really took long time as I have not spent that much time also with her.
They all have turned me from my mourning into smiling, of course dancing is not possible and I lost every charm of my life with one world.
God has put off my black days and hugged me with gladness through different and new people, when I was holding the pain of my life and in deep grief. Thanks for the support.
I praise the god for giving the serenity in marvelous splendid way to accept the truth and not to go silent to the cemetery. Thank you for giving me the realization that I was digging my own burial ground and giving me the clarity that I am not for that. I thank you for providing so many wonderful hearts around me and sincerely praying to you to guide all of them in their special way and keep all of them under your shadow and within the reach of my heart.
Family values continues…
Thanks Giving…. This is one of the biggest things that the parents have to teach the kids.
A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.
It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.
One of the best ways to show your real feelings even to the strangers is thanks giving. I don’t know how I learned it, but I learned it at very young age. Thanks will make a stone heart also to smile. Of course it is applicable only human and not applicable to wild animals. Thanks is the beautiful flower that blossom springs from the soul.
I remember that I used to travel in cycle rickshaws from the main bus terminus to my house. A person will pedal the cycle rickshaw, two to four people can travel from one place to another place. It still exists in our area but with some modern amenities, now the person is not required to pedal, they used to fix it with some motors in it.
We used to pay the money, but I used to say thanks to that guy every day. One day I traveled alone and he asked me what is there to say thanks, you are paying and I am dropping you in the place where you want to go.
Money is for the work what you have done, thanks is for the way you dropped me safely. When I say thanks, I see the smile in your face. That smile means a lot to me. After that I used to say thanks to almost all the drivers and I have seen lot of smiles in this way. It helps me to get closer to them and it helps me to give an impact in them that I have respect for their work. It means that I give respect to them as a human. It is a quality of humanitarian.
I follow the same with almost with all and mostly with the labors and when I think this now, from where I got it, I feel that it is from my parents only. They used to do it, but they didn’t teach me. This was not taught by someone and if at all I have to say that I learned it from one of my teacher under whom I studied my class 5 and 6.
She didn’t teach that we used to say thanks to everyone. I learned it from her by seeing her way of approach to the office boys and the non-teaching staffs in the school. When a guy brings the attendance book, she will say thanks and every day I have seen her saying thanks to one or the other. It is inclusive of the students who used to bring the chock pieces. (Usha Rajaraman was her name) I am sure that I learned to say thanks 28 years back.
Most of my friends used to say that I am a good observer and many like me for the way I used to observe the things happening around me without socializing with them. Most of my teenage friends know how sharp I was in getting the information without talking to them.
I used to observe both the good and bad from others and I take the good and try to correct the bad of them. Thanks giving I observed from that teacher and till today I follow it whole heartedly. Especially when someone does something even with little effort I will say my sincere thanks to them. This applied to the office boy from whom we get a cup of tea or my friends helping me with their support.
Why I took this as a subject is when you like someone, the good things of them will have some impact in you. People, who are very close to my heart or those who feel me as close to their heart, will have the impact of my love and care in them. I am really surprised to see you because the way you were with me, I am sure there was something in me would have made you to become so close.
In anger I can say that you tried to be so close with me or cheated me with a motivation but am sure that something impressed you. Why I am surprised is I really feel bad that not even 1% of my goodness has touched you and what made you to feel so impressed with me? How can you be so cruel in your life? Or how I was so careless in identifying your real color? I am answerable to god for the talent what he has given me, I have to understand whether I move with human or with animal and I have to treat the human like a human and an animal like an animal only.
Even now I say thanks to you because for giving this much pain, because I was praying to god to give me the serenity and I want to get rid of the worldly life. Now no one can come closer to my heart as I am so scared to allow someone to it. But my basic and inborn character of showing love to human will not change, but this will be in a different way. I learned to know that there are people without humanitarian also.
Mostly I have to thank you very much. I don’t have any words to say my sincere thanks to my wonderful Sweet Adorable Darling. Only because of you my life has become full and only because of you I have become zero.
When people used to ask me, you are missing something as a woman, I used to tell them, yes, you are right that I missed, I am missing it or I will be missing it. It is your perspective and in your eyes I miss it but as a woman, I can love all around me as like a mother. It is a great blessing and those who have felt it has shared it with me and I don’t need to share it only with my own blood. I don’t live for the worldly sake, but I live my life for the world sake.
The time I was about to post one of my colleague who is younger to me by 12 years, I scolded him and said sorry for scolding you. Immediately he replied saying that you can scold me, you are like my sister or mother. So I don’t need to go and search people and people are around me to give that feeling and comfort. You are the only one who will not love/like the people for what they are and who want them only for your time without making them understand what you are.
I heard it from so many people used to tell me that you are doing like a mother, sister etc., but I never felt the motherhood with any of them. It is really unfortunate for me, because they would have felt so happy at least if I would have made them happy by acknowledging their feelings. I don’t know whether it is my mistake to feel that special feeling with you or god’s mistake in creating you like this wild creature.
We often take for granted that very things that most deserve our gratitude.
Normally people will thank to god, for giving them a new day, but I thank god before going to bed for giving me a wonderful day as today and say that I don’t know whether tomorrow is my day or not because only when I wake up, I will know that day is mine or not, but when I go to bed, I know for sure that the day has ended.
I hope you remember that I used to say that my last message in the night I want it to be for you. Because I don’t know whether I will be able to say Good morning to you the next day or not.
Thanks to god for giving me the serenity through you. He showed me the greatest feeling what I never felt like missing in my life and I never felt also. I was happy without feeling it and I was happy when I felt it and even now am happy after throwing it out of me.
May be god showed you in my eyes and gave the greatest feeling just to feel that in my later part of life, I should not regret that I missed it during my young age. Now I say thanks to god that I am happy that I don’t have a kid. It is better not to have a kid like you.
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. I tried to live by this words with you, but it is easy to practice this with human and very hard to practice with those who live like humans. There is difference between the human and like humans.
Whatever pains, I have got that is the biggest punishment from god only for whatever has happened in my life. I am very happy to take it as a lesson of my life and move ahead without giving any room for such feeling with anyone else.
Thanks giving is possible only for those who have strong memory and who take time to remember; No one can give thanks who has a very poor memory or a person like you with short-term memory loss.
Saying thanks in a way says that you give respect to the fellow-men. – Respect – will continue…..
Hello my dear wrong member,
There is a lovely song in Tamil, hello my dear wrong number, but not applicable to you because you are a wrong member in my heart. Anyways no fun with you and you are really a wrong member only. Whatever you have said, has a great impact in me and the reason for the family values to come out from my heart is because I was not able to question you, what it is?
I don’t know where to start or how to start about the values of family. Even with tears, I was smiling on that day when I read your message but that was not a smile as I used to smile with you normally, a sarcastic smile and you don’t know how I was on that day and was in full tension when we were having the SMS chat on 25th January 2013. I was unable to control my emotions and the way you were responding, if you were in front of my eyes, that would have been the last day for both of us irrespective of you being a stranger or my kid.
I was lying in my bed and I was not able to keep my body in rest and literally I was above two inch from bed and my body was jumping out of high pressure… Whole body was shivering and the way my heart was beating and thought am counting my last breaths, even then I was trying to be soft and polite with you. But you showed your arrogance even after doing such kind of activities.
If this activity was done by my own blood, I would not have felt this much. only my hands and legs would have spoken to her/him. I would have slapped left and right like anything, because I have those rights to do it with my blood. I can say for sure that my blood will not do it. Do you know what could be the worst thing in a mother’s life? “Someone saying that your kid has done spoiled my life or someone’s life”. To be honest whatever I heard should have been heard only by your parents and they have to feel like how I was feeling, but god gave me that punishment for feeling you as my kid.
The way I have shown my love, care, trust and the way I have given the respect to you, nobody in the world can give it for what you are. I don’t know whether to regret for this or to feel happy that god made it to realize your color so soon.
What is the use of saying how I was or how am I? It is not going to impact the wall or an animal. It wants its own happiness.
Let me come to the topic. What you said on that day? Your family has values and you will not go beyond certain limits? What a joke my dear? What kind of value does your family has?
I am not saying or giving anything bad about your family because I know to give respect even to my enemy, but I really want to know what your family values are?
Do you know who will talk about others values, those who doesn’t have any self-values will carry others values on their shoulders?
Do you know what family values are? How do you decide your family values? Have your elders or anyone at home taught what family values are? Ideally nobody teaches it and it has to grow in each and every person. Even if they would have taught you, are you following any of it? Do you know how you have to keep up your family values? Do you really know what you mean in a family?
Family Values are a traditional set of social ethics or standards defined by the family and a list of customs that give the emotional and physical basis for raising a family. As an Indian, our social values are often strengthened by our spiritual or religious beliefs and traditions. It is defined as the quality which adds worth of living a life. Do you think you add value to your family? If you say that your family still has some values, then I will feel that your family doesn’t have any values at all.
In spite of my so much tension, I wanted to ask you what your family values are. But I didn’t because I know that you can’t answer it. If I don’t ask this question to you in my life, God will not forgive me. I can’t forgive myself. What else you want to do and say that your family has values?
Hey am not asking it as fun, I am serious and very curious to know what your family values are? Please answer at least to this question.
In most of the family, values are rules or ideals that as a family, we agree to live by and stay true to it. We follow it as a tradition. We share our love, we share our care and concern, we tend to help others, and we move politely with others, we live in harmony, we give respect to each other and we fight with each other.
When I started this topic , I am smiling because neither you have values nor you have values for your family. If so, you will not call me when they are not around you and will not disconnect that call abruptly without telling me the reason. Only your messages will inform me that your father came home or your brothers came back from work or from prayers. Don’t you think that you are cheating not only your family but also hurting the other person?
If they are not happy you can directly say it to me rather than maintaining a false relationship. To satisfy whom you were doing this? Do you know how much it will hurt all the parties? Initially I thought really your family has some values. I mean they are strict and you are following your religion sincerely. That time itself, I should have come to conclusion that there is no ethics or values especially from you for your family. I have not done it because I know to share not only love but also to give respect to the other person.
I am not condemning about your family as I don’t know anything about others. May be they all know what it is and tried to teach you as well, but as like me they also failed in all their attempts.
Having strong well-defined family values helps the base for a robust, tight-knit family. Family values are very important in building trust and confidence in each family member.
I don’t want to talk about your family values or ethics as I can say negatively more about you in volumes. Let us not worry about who you are what is your family values and everything. Let’s see the basic things of a family values…
You really got hurt when I said that you change your character before praying or asking or demanding or feeling for a baby, even now I am telling the same, try to find out what is family values so as you can teach your children grow with family values. Your kids also will follow you and poor people like me with real morals will get hurt because of this kind of uncultured civilizations.
I have taken all my failures as stepping stones for my success and I never carry the stones on my shoulder whether it is my mistake or others mistakes I used to make it as channel to learn and move ahead.
I have told you this is what I am and I have not shown my Violet, Indigo, Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Brown, and Black to you… I have only one color real white color and I show the same white when it is love and when I hate also it is the white color.
The way I used to fire people around me, only god knows how I used to show my anger, but I have changed with time and it happens with everyone. I never tried to control my emotions, but with you the more I tried to suppress the more I got hurt.
In your case, I really got hurt because of the feeling what I had for you otherwise I will not consider any of your words as words also because I give importance only to those who are real and true. I considered each and every words of you like the first words of my kid. That was my mistake only. I should not blame you for that because you were not knowing how I was thinking about you :(.
When some stone hurt me, I will not try to take the stone on my shoulder, I will throw the stone to the one who was trying to hit with that. It is my ethics, if I get love, I give it back 100 folds, if I get hatred also I will return it with 100%. Only difference is I was not able to show that hatred and I tried to correct instead of correcting myself. We are not supposed to go nearer to a wild animal, which knows only to hurt those who come close to it.
With you, I don’t understand whether it is my mistake, or sin or punishment from god or best feeling or worst feeling and I am really stunned and don’t know what to do also with those good hearts around me. I was not able to trust any good hearts around me because of you. This is one of the biggest sin by you and you will never be able to clear it from your life.
Instead of giving this much pain to me, you could have killed me. Relationship never dies on its own, it used to be murdered by ego, attitude and arrogance, without respect, without love, without care… You are the one who can do all of it together, still am surviving because of my own good deeds.
I know what my family values are and I knew it through my friends and outside circle how they see me. Every day I feel proud when one or the other friend used to say that we are blessed to have you as my friend. My family also will feel proud because of the name what I have from my external circle.
There are so many friends who used to say me that they are proud of my parents for giving such a good friend to them. They have seen the humanity in me and they used to say that it has to come from your blood and you are blessed to have great parents. Yes I am and I thank god at this point of time for making me to realize that both of them are so good.
I am not the one who takes my family value and go behind it; I am of the one who add value to my family as well as to my friends. If you want you can go and check with my friends and each one will tell their experiences with me in highly respectable manner. I used to ask you tell me your friends, I will check with them how you are? But now, if someone wants to know about your value, ask them to check it with me or read my blog.
Oh God, I have to curse you(god) for creating such a creature and showing her in front of my eyes. What for you have shown her and made me to feel the best feeling through her. Is it only to suffer like this? Every second I am dying in pain.
Nobody in the world will pray for their death, even 70 years old or 90 years old wanted to live their life but at 37 I want my life to end and when I step out of my flat, I say to myself, please god, do some miracle and hit me or make me to die without hurting others.
Still I will say that let death hug me when I am happy.. I used to tell him don’t spoil my parts and let it live before I die, I want to make people live and I want to live even after my death. I have to give my organs, give me a death where my brain can get injured or I can go to coma stage and I can’t survive but I can make some others to survive.. Even after death I want to live in others.
Hope god will take my life as soon as possible for showing you in front of my eyes. If god has some mercy on me, he will help me to overcome this.
I have just touched what comes from family values are Love, Respect, Trust, Thanks, Communication and many more things are there, If I don’t stop now, it will go on. Let us see one by one slowly.