Tag Archive | lose

Jealous

Most of my contents are about the people who touched my life in beautiful ways, but this content is about someone whom I hate from the bottom of my heart. Why should I hate this person without any reason?

Reason is Jealous – Is this a natural feeling Jealousness or being forced in us?

Jealous is one of the subjects which I love to discuss at this point of time, because in the recent times, I was addicted to this word not because of very special person of my life or someone whom I can’t live without or someone whom I love so deeply. This has nothing to those who are so close to me. Usually we get the feeling of jealous when we are close to someone and we name it as possessiveness in the beginning. In reality, it is not possessiveness.

Normally we are very fond of getting ‘Jealous’, and I feel almost everyone in the world is fascinated. Jealousy grows in us in different way, either from ourselves or from the other person also. Jealous leads either to growth or downfall in any relationship or in any matters.

bless-storm

I don’t know ‘Jealous’ can influence me to this level to hate someone whom I am not going to see in my life time or to avoid the person whom I am close with for my life time. I am writing about someone with whom I have not interacted. I have not seen her or even I don’t even know anything about her other than her name. I hate her for that one reason that she has the same name as my name as her first name.

It is a true fact that she became close to my brother only because of her name. When my brother told me, I should have asked him not to continue any stupid bondage with that female, but I never used to feel such kind of feelings and I was not interested to know about her name also. I came to know about her name also after sometime only. Even he told me, if you say, don’t talk to her, I will not talk to her, but why should i say him talk to her or don’t talk to her.

I am surprised to see that I got the jealousy with a person who is neither close to me or even closer to the person who is the reason for it. I mean, I can see him, touch him, slap him, sit with him and have a dinner, watch a movie with him, go with him in his bike, can take photographs with him instantly, I can ask him to prepare food for me, the moment I think, I can meet him, the moment I feel like I have to talk to him, I can pick up my phone and call him, I can scold him, I can do whatever I want with him, normally jealous comes only with those who are closer or someone who is nearest to competition with us.

I think my brother is the reason for all the drama’s because he has nothing to talk to me other than blabbering about that woman. He doesn’t know how to handle it and because of that he created this so called rivalry or jealousy.

It is not only with me, even with him, it is the same case, if he says I want to see you now, I can login to skype and if he says I want to meet you in person, I will fly for him during the weekend. He will not see the time or the day to call me or to message me. I never allowed him to long for my message or for my replies, may be that was my mistake and was readily available for him to share his instant feelings. I did it in a feeling that I know how difficult it is for a person to care and to be cared and I have given all the respect for his love and care.

To get a message from her, he has to wait for her lunch time, to get a call he has to long for the Sunday to come and there are many more things which he will not get as he gets through me. But whatever 10 minutes or 10 hours of time he spends with her makes him to feel happy and that was the reason for me to keep silence.

She is no where nearer. She has not seen India for the last 10 years. Even if she meets him, it will be temporary. I am of the person who will not care even if the other person leaves me for such stupid reason. That too if he goes behind her, I will be happy so as I don’t need to handle this immatured guy, who doesn’t have any value for others feelings and it is her responsibility to handle him.

Many of us cannot see if someone else does better than us. But I am not of this kind of person to feel jealous. If she can do better I will be happy to leave him forever. I have my own style of handling people. I have many more in the queue and if one gets reduced, I will get two more in the queue to love me more than him. I am not able to give my time for those who are in my queue.

I know how much I used to smile, when I give my hand as an help to my colleague or to a friend or a stranger. I know how much happiness I gave to a stranger couple of days back, I know for sure that neither this brother of mine or his new female friend can give it to anyone in that manner. It was just a matter of trying to help him, fortunately I was able to help him and the way he blessed me made me to feel that I was in heaven at that point of time. I don’t need to go to people to make them happy, god sends them when they need it. Even this guy was sent to me in a special way by god. I never considered him as a stranger but today he became a stranger because of his own actions. what you sow is what you reap, and punishment is for me.

If he can leave me, for the person whom he has not seen or not felt any sort of love and care, then it is not worth to hold him for any reason. But the way he created the jealous, he needs to be punished, I know this is not a punishment for him, but I will take it as a punishment for me because of giving my love and care for a person who doesn’t know the value of it.

I don’t need to understand about that educated foreigner because who doesn’t have anything to do with me, but the one who was with me for close to 3 years should think of all and decide what he needs in his life. I have many questions for that female, but it is all useless to question a 3rd person. I feel that I wasted my 3 years of time with him. For sure that he is going to lose many more in life if he continues with the same attitude. This is not childish behavior, but criminal, crooked and wickedness.

If I was possessive like him, I would not have allowed anyone in his life but I was not possessive, then how did this jealous came into my life?  Life cannot be possessed and I know for sure that I cannot have him in my fist. That is one of the reasons for me to set him free, if he was destined to be with me, he will be with me, and if not let him go. I have to feel happy that it is not my destiny to hold a person who can influence negativity in me.

 A heart that has jealous cannot love, and similarly a heart that loves cannot be jealous. But somehow he has planted the jealous and created a rivalry between two innocent females.  I used to feel for any relationship has validity, with you I never felt that it has expiry date but yours is also seasonal and the season is over. Wish you at least to keep it alive with the other person.

I cannot hold the other person not to include intruders in between any relationship. Trespassers will come and go and we need to struggle all through the life because of these weird people.

To be honest, I used to tell my friends that you can’t create jealous in me and you are feeling jealous and created this jealous because that jealousy you have received as and inheritance. Those who knows his new relationship, none of them like him to be close with the new female and everyone suggested him to be away or they don’t even care about what is going on his life. It was not a natural relationship as it was in between us.

People Only Get Jealous, When They Care. If you understand the concept of love in deep, we will not get jealous when others care, because people need only care not the person. If it is being given to you by me or by the person with my name, am not concerned. If someone can make you happy, I will feel happy because I don’t have time to think who is doing as I am busy in making others happy. I don’t have time to miss someone who doesn’t have the love and care for me and I am really busy with my loved ones.

Giving freedom is a joy, having freedom is a joy. I am not a fool to hug a cactus and say that it hurts me. Either live happily or say good-bye happily. There is no reason to hold it.

Real love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain.

Advertisements

This Hurts Me More Than it Hurts You

Hurting words can come from anyone like parents, siblings, spouses, best friends, coworkers, etc. but nothing is intentional. It doesn’t matter who hurts is, the fact is words creates wound with revenge.

I know my dear, I was very harsh and it happens very often now days and especially with the one I love deeply. I know very well that words are very dangerous and it can lead a serious threat to any relationship. I used to be very careful and cautious in letting the word go.

Tongues are sharper than the swords.There is a saying keep silence, and control your tongue, it doesn’t mean that we have to hurt the others feelings.

Even when I get hurt, I will try not to hurt the other person. Only those who are my blood relatives knows that I am very wild (Parents & Siblings). For others I am aggressive but not wild or ferocious.

Love is my passion in  inner circle, when I take them to inner circle, I show all my feelings.

Sometimes we say and mean hurtful things deliberately to hurt the person we love the most. In such a way I did something and it really pricks me more than her silence. I know she was deliberately keeping silence.

It’s a known fact that the once the words are out of the mouth, it’s impossible to take them back, whether it comes from mouth or from the heart. The pain and hurt are very clear in the heart of the person who was hurt and but the hurt will be double of yours as I hurt you. My heart got torn into pieces when I hurt you my dear. I know you can’t take even a small pain and this hurt and when it is from me, you would have got hurt more. I am really sorry.

When I got hurt, I was not able to let you go and may be all the hurts turned to grudges for a moment. Even in pain, I would not have hurt you. If it is a friend or anybody other than you, definitely, I would have taught them a lesson by moving away.

When it is you, even in wildest dreams I can’t hurt you, because you are so sweet for me.

After uttering the words I felt whether I did it as an act of vengeance or payback the hurt. But soon after hurting you, I realized that I lost my humanness and I lost the sanctity of my love because love can’t hurt anyone.

I would like to recall a small story which I read long time back. A scorpion was suffering in a river and a saint was crossing the river and tried to rescue it. When he tried to save it, the scorpion bites the saint hand. A disciple of the saint asked his guru, why you tried to save the scorpion when you know that it will bite you?

The Guru politely answered the disciple that biting is its character and helping, loving, saving is my character. I can’t change my character for the scorpion sake.

Why I am recalling this short story here is, I was deeply hurt by you, but it doesn’t mean that I have to hurt you back. For few days I became like you and I started hurting you badly which is not my basic instinct.

When I was hurt initially I used to keep it in mind that I have to take it or leave it. I should not feel that it hurts me, and I continued, but may be that made you to hurt me every now and then.

I should have not let it go, I should have avoided those kind of situations. I took everything so lightly and I gave the chances for you to do it again and again. I allowed you to take me for granted, because of my love for you.

Love is a sweet feeling dear and care is the way of showing that you love the other person and it is not for exploiting others feelings.

Sometimes it is good to let it go and not to hold on to something that’s done which can’t be altered. I know I can’t repair the wound and the scar will be there in your heart. I tried to choose to let it go,  chances are there that the relationship will heal and flourish. but I am unable to let it go because it gives more pain to you.

I know that you can’t handle if I give pain to you and I am sure that I behaved wild only because of you. You neither allowed me to move away nor to stick on with you. You were either ready to leave me once for all or ready to be with me as well. Only god knows what the problem is as you never shared it.

Sometimes the hurt is so deep in the heart of the person who was hurt, and they walk away from the relationship. This time the hurt is so deep in my heart as I created it to the one whom I love and who would never ever expected that I will hurt her like that. Very often pride or the self-esteem stands in between the person who did the hurting and the person who was hurt. Anyway you have given the reason saying that you are selfish and I can’t help or to change you to self-less.

Especially when the moment you asked me to pray, I am not supposed to utter those words. If it was in some other time, I would not have felt that I hurt you also.

You know that your behaviors did hurt my self-esteem to great extent and you continued to do it was paining more than the hurt. I know I gave up my self-esteem of 90% to you, but if I would have given that 10% then I would have lost my life in the name of love. I am ready to do it now for the hurt what I have given for you.

Whatever may be the reason, whether to get more love or to hurt them intentionally it is pain only my dear? If you would have felt that I will have pain in my heart when you do this purposely, you would not have done it. In the same way, I should not have used those words to you even though I did not mean it to hurt you. Neither it was intentional nor it was spontaneous words.

Instead of trying to make it correct and to heal the pain, you started pinning it more and more, when you said it you have done it purposely, my ego got hurt and my-self took over. Even then I asked you “Have I ever disappointed you?

I know that you purposely did it and I don’t want to disappoint you, that is the reason, I gave up all my self-esteem and showed you the same care and concern. It doesn’t mean that I am mad of you or I have shown over love. It is because of your love and the way I have felt it. It is not that I love you; it is because I know what your love is. I value that relationship and I respect your love.

As you said, that you did it purposely, my loving relationship has no value in it. I don’t want to hurt you by any means but when you have real love, you will not do anything purposely.

I too hurt you, when the pain given by you was very extreme from you. I did not do anything purposely, may be to make you realize that it will pain for the other person.

Nobody can do something to the person who loves them more than their life. When you said that you did it purposely, it really disturbed me a lot. It has become nothing not even worth of keeping it in memory. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When we are in love, our LOVE holds great significance for us and which makes as a source of both great happiness  and deep sadness. Your love has brought me great joy, blessed feeling and I expected for sure that it will bring in deep hurt, but I never expected that it will bring in such a way. Even before enjoying the great love, I got the deep hurt which was the most painful moment for me.

It is very easy to know why someone who doesn’t love the other person and it is easy for them to  break the heart. It is easy to break a heart when we do not love those who love us, there is a possibility to hurt them. Even in that case I will try not to hurt them, but just I will avoid them, because I give respect to the other heart who loves me. I can’t even say no to them just because of their care and concern.

However, hurting the one we do love happens when we feel dejected. How can one love and hurt the same person?

I accepted that pain with tears and said it is because of the one who made me to smile and for that smile I can give up my life why not tears?

When someone hurt us, it’s all very easy to just open our hand and allow them to let go and walk away from it. That’s the easy way, but it’s also the losing way.

You and the person that hurt you both lose out because you lose each other. But if we stop and ask ourselves why the person said hurtful things to us to start with, it could help the situation immensely. I know why you did it because, I have shown my love to you and you wanted to explore it whether I am doing it again or not.

I could have walked away but I could not do it, because my love is true, real and more than anything it is holistic, divine and even now it pains a lot but still my love is sweet when I say it is for you and even the pain is sweet when it is by you.

However, someone who deliberately hurts another person can simultaneously claim to love that person. You are the one who used to say that it is part of love and don’t worry and have to hurt each other. For me hurting is not Love. I learned to take hurt as love only from you. 

Sometimes, though not always, a person will say something that hurts because they were stressed out or going through really tough times. They use us as bouncing board, someone to vent their frustrations out. But and not vent what’s really going on, the stress comes out as hurtful words to us. Initially when you said that I can show it only to you, I was really happy. I was so happy because you considered me to show your frustrations.

No doubt we have all done this to someone we love and had it done to us. The difference is in how we handle it after hurting the other person is what matters us most.

Do we choose to see the hurtful words for what they most likely are, stress and frustration at something in life, or do we take it personal (which it probably isn’t at all) and get angry and upset and just walk away.

If we walk away, we lose out on a wonderful relationship. Just because someone gets upset and stressed and says something that hurts us is not a reason to end a relationship, but sadly that’s what happens too often.

I know you are not going to lose anything even if I leave you, but I can’t say that I will not lose anything because I value you and your love more than anything in this world.

We can choose to leave the past or live in the past, knowing that the past can’t be undone, and put our pride on the back shelf, and we can start fresh.

To do this, it’s important that you understand that we all make mistakes and that no matter what someone has said or done, they simply cannot change the past.

No amount of regret will undo something that was done or said. If we choose to hold onto a past hurt, we are the ones that are hurting ourselves. The person who said something or did something that hurt us is not hurting us. I can hold the words and I can regret it for life long if it will heal your hurt. I can keep it as pain for hurting the one I love.

When we choose to allow pride to keep us from reaching out to the other party, we are the one who is hurting ourselves. We don’t have to let the past to haunt us. We know that it cannot be changed, to rule our present.

Sometimes it is really hard letting go and starting over and it seems that letting something go would somehow diminish the hurt that was said or done. In Reality it is not the fact. Letting go of the past and beginning again isn’t diminishing anything nor was taking away the fact that hurt caused.

Hurtful words cuts deeper, but the deepest cut isn’t really the hurtful words at all, but rather the lost relationship and love if the two parties involved don’t put the past to rest and begin fresh.

Love is simply forgiving, moving on, and living and loving again. To hold onto the hurt is to reject yourself and a beautiful relationship. Love is closely connected with vulnerability: the ability to hurt and to be hurt. Although some kinds of hurt in love are intended, most of them are not.

Those who are in real love can easily hurt the beloved without intending to do so. Because they are so significant to each other, any innocent remark or action can be interpreted in a manner that the other person did not intend and hence be hurtful.

If I think and talk something, then it is not love my dear, I don’t want to think and talk, I have to speak whatever it comes and it should not hurt you as well.

Love is spontaneous and it is like a river and it has to flow. May be it saw a mountain and was not able to go smoothly on its way, but still love is flowing and it will reach the top and flow as a falls and it will not get wasted in the Sea.

When something comes and if it haunts you then there is a reason for it and you are the reason for it or you could be one of the reasons of it.

How can I let someone go just because for hurting when the pleasure of love is more? Whether your love is more or the hurt is more?  Whatever it is I would prefer to get that hurt again and again to get your love.

When you expect the other person to understand your situations, don’t you feel that you have to think from the other person’s side as well? Just because someone loves you don’t mean that they have to look all the time your side only. Sometimes the other person needs you to look their side as well.

Sweet heart, though I started this content to say that hurting you is hurting me more. But this content is to give you some justification that you can hurt me, I am still not sure you are doing it out of your profound love for me.

In the last 12 days, I have taken the entire pain in my heart, in the same way as a let out, I discussed with couple of my friends and I said that I hurt her with this words and it really kills me. Both of them said, you didn’t mean to hurt her but tried to tell her what she needs to do only.

If she doesn’t understand your love for her, then she will take it as a hurt and she will keep it in her heart. Still I say that Hurting is not Love and I am really sorry for the hurt.

I sincerely apologize for whatever happened for being so wild, please consider it as the voice of doom and gloom (bad outcome from me). But, if you give your heart and love in someone you will hurt or be hurt by that person. HURT is inevitable and it is also sweet when it is by a sweet and lovable person like you.