Tag Archive | Happiness

DIWALI in UAE

Diwali Celebrations

Diwali is one of the most important festivals of all the Hindus living all over the world.  I was not able to celebrate almost any festivals after my grandmother’s death, as I have learnt all the festivals from her. Hinduism also was taught by her with the help of these festivals. I don’t remember whether she taught us the reason for the festivals, but I know for sure she used to make all the festivals a grand gala one with love filled feast.

Diwali is one good festival taught by her, who used to make lot of sweets, savories and make us very happy with whatever way she could do it. whatever money i would have burnt as crackers was really a needy one for the next day survival, but she has given it with pure love for me to burn it as crackers. Without anyone’s help the way she used to prepare the sweets for us is one precious moment which will not come in my life, even if 10 or 100 members does with love and care, it will not be equal to that of my grand mother.

Almost all the kids at home learnt it through her but the impact of festivals with my grandmother was more with me. The care and love shown by her towards me was mammoth. I can’t feel that love and care from anyone else. That is one of the reason for not celebrating any festivals in the past6-7 years. It is very difficult to articulate the feelings with words, but only those who have seen us or felt our love can understand the reason behind it.

It is almost 6 years in UAE and the life in UAE also has given a lot of change in me. One of my aunty used to call us during the Eid’s to check whether I am at home. As we get couple of holidays, I utilize those public holidays along with annual leaves, I used to go on a short vacation back home.

Being a Hindu, I failed to celebrate most of the festivals and I used to give a nasty dialogue also that festivals are for eating and I am having everything and whenever I want I can have it. 

Somewhat in the last 6 years, I never felt that I have to celebrate Diwali or Pongal. This year I wished to celebrate it in UAE. Normally atmosphere will not help to celebrate any festivals, apart from the Onam as there are lot of Malayalees in every organization. We don’t get the pleasure of Holidays for the Hindu festivals as we have in India. Being in a Muslim country, I can’t expect it as well :). Life used to be mechanical even on the days of festivals as we will be working.

Most of our colleagues are Muslims and most of the time they don’t even wish us for our festivals(not all there are few who respect the others), which I am not saying as wrong, it might be as per their belief in their religion. As usual this year also I was in between Muslims and all of them are from Pakistan.

My mind wanted to celebrate Diwali in UAE because of some good heart which was forcing me to buy new dress and wanted me to celebrate Diwali, fortunately she is also a Muslim.

I was talking to my colleagues about Diwali and we planned to celebrate it in office. Day before Diwali, I bought some sweets &  savouries.  I wanted to light my room with Diya’s, so bought candles, but my room was in total mess as I shifted to the new room and was not settled in the room. Somehow managed to light the candles and performed my usual rituals by lighting the Diya’s.

The day before Diwali, I got a wonderful Diwali greetings which was again from a Muslim and the way he wished me was the best wish in my life. Diwali wishes to you in advance, tomorrow I will be busy and will not be able to wish you, let the lights festival bring the shine to you and no more tears or hurts. I pray the one almighty in which you also believe to keep you happy was the wishes for me.

On the day of Diwali, again the first wish was from a Muslim and she wished it with great love and care. Got up with lovely wishes and as usual followed the rituals, missing my mother who used to keep oil to take bath and the sweet memories of getting the new dress from father. In the last 5 years I was not feeling for these oil bath or for getting the new dress. Somehow this year was feeling as if I am just 10 years old.  After sometime the whatsapp messages with family asking for Ganga Snanam.

As usual got late to office because of sharing the Diwali greetings with Family in whatsapp. Started to office with full of love and happiness carrying the sweets and forgot to take the wallet. Again turned back from the bus stop to my room to take the wallet and reached office.

Partying is not new to us whether it is office colleagues or with my friends, I used to have a extra luxury foodie when it is a party from me. We never had any issues within my team being from two (different) rivalry nations. We never had any heated arguments or discussions, irrespective of the discussions we used to have about the countries and religion as well.

I distributed the sweets to my team and asked the office boy to distribute it to other staffs in the office. Diwali started with sweets, coffee/tea. When it was lunch time, I asked the team to order food for them and being a vegetarian it was not easy for me to take them out on Diwali day, as I preferred to heavy Veg meals.

The ladies group preferred to have veg and for the guys, it was their choice to go with the grilled chicken. The one who was about to order messaged me is it okay to go as the cost was little high, if not we will order somewhere else, I asked him to go ahead as it matters with food not with the cost.

It took very long for them to get the food, and by the time it reached, I finished my lunch, had a skype chat with my mother, sisters & kids.

After the lunch, we had sweets again and the team was so happy, even I felt very happy when one of the guy said we feel that we are celebrating one more EID today. Before the celebration, that was in my mind, that at least one should say that we celebrated our Eid today. I was so happy feeling that god has come down to witness the Harmony in people. It is human nature to have peace and love for each other. Only the Politicians make the region, religion as weapon to fight against each other.

Thanks a lot for making me to celebrate my Diwali and this Diwali will be in my heart forever as I have celebrated it only with Muslims and for giving the feeling of celebration. Whether it is Eid or Diwali, celebration only matters and I do celebrate CHRISTMAS, DIWALI & EID.

After 5 Diwali in UAE, this Diwali is one of the most  memorable diwali and it is gonna be the best DIWALI of my life. I may not be able to get such a good feeling of Humanity and Happiness in my life on a Festival day.

This has shown me that the mind of Human wishes happiness only and it can be achieved with love and care irrespective of the religion, caste etc., This DIWALI increased the faith in ISLAM, this Diwali increased the faith in Human, this Diwali increased the faith in Respect for each other, this Diwali increased the faith in LOVE and wish many more Diwali’s to come in the similar way to keep the Harmony keep spreading….

No Ganga Snanam, No Crackers, No Granny, No Namaskaram’s, No Blessings (Didn’t get any blessings from the elders of the family) still this is the best DIWALI for me. Festival of Light for sure made me to shine with a bright smile in my face by end of the day.

YES we are united irrespective of the Nationality 🙂 First Wish to celebrate Diwali started from Sri Lankan, First Wish from Sri Lankan and the day was with Pakistani’s. 

I don’t know whether I will get this privilege to say that I celebrated my Diwali with Indians so happily, but for sure I was very happy because of my those 7 wonders of my Team & the great family from Sri Lanka.

(ALLAH) GOD BLESS ALL

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Happy Birthday My Smile

Happy Birthday to the one who has shown the way to love people around me. Whatever glory I have today it is all because of you. 

Happy-birthday-sms-messages

On this special day, I wish you all the very best, all the joy you can ever have and may you be blessed abundantly today, tomorrow and the days to come! May you have a fantastic birthday and many more to come… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Don’t Count the candles in your Birthday Cake, instead count the number of years I have wished.

Happy birthday MY SMILE (even though you’re not the reason for my smiles)

Happy-Birthday

I have to thank you from my bottom of my heart for the love what I am experiencing in the recent times, especially after the time you left me without explaining the reasons. I still remember those good days and Cherish those good days and it remains as FRESH as like you were for me. I don’t think all those fresh days every now and then, but for sure once in a while I SMILE because of you. There are reasons for my tears and smiles but more often tears are more because of you for the pain what you have given me.

I used to say you that when I give so much love, I am forced to get the pain. The time what we have spent together was hardly 10 days of time (24*10=240 hours) but the pain because of my love for you is almost 3 years. The reason for the pain is not knowing the reason for your sudden change.

happy-birthday-4

If you would have said the reason to me, I would have said good bye to you. Anyways it is all past and only the present is thinking about you and either shedding tears or giving the smile what you taught me. In your absence, I am not dying and I am living as usual life and with more lovable souls around me.

What I give, I used to get it back. If I would have got the love what I have shown to you from you, probably I would have enjoyed only one of the rarest love, but now I am enjoying the most blissful love of my life. How to name it? I really don’t know, there were reasons to enjoy the love, and the one who pours the love as I want looks exactly like you. Above all, the entire family loves me the way I want it to happen in my life.

I learned to show love and care from you, I mean to a kid and now I know how many are getting that love from me. There are people to call me as Umma, Ummi and the feeling of motherhood started with you but it is going to end with the one who loves me as I love her.

I wish you a very happy birthday and let the wishes bring in the most expected happiness in your life. One and only prayer for you in my life is to hear that news. Insha Allah, It will happen soon. The day I hear it, I will stop thinking about you, I will not keep you in my prayers also.

Happy-Birthday

May your birthday be filled with many happy hours and your life with many happy birthdays. HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

I want to send the Surprise cake, flowers and your favorite chocolates as like before, but I don’t have any details to reach you as you love to hide yourself from me. I strongly believe that you will be thinking about me if you were 1% true to me.

Here is your Birthday Cake and Flowers

happy-birthday-3 happy-birthday-2

Have an Awesome Year Ahead and Wishing you a happy and prosperous new year with new resolutions, new relations, new friends, new beginning and most importantly Happiness all through your life.

‪#‎Happiness_is_being_with_U_Dont_leave_me_like_a_dream‬

பிரிவை நினைத்தேன்
உயிர் வலித்தது,
அவளை நினைத்தேன்
நினைவாக நிற்பதால்
பிரிவும் இனித்தது….
‪#‎Happiness_is_being_with_U_Dont_leave_me_like_a_dream‬

Uma VijayaLakshmi's photo.

என் இதயத்தின் மொழிகள்

என் இதயத்தின் மொழிகள்

யார் அறிவார் என்னையன்றி….

உனக்கான சிதறல்கள்  ! ! !

happy girl-1

சிட்டுக் குருவியாகவே பறந்து

திரிந்தேன் உன் அறிமுகம்

கிடைக்கும் வரை, இன்று

நினைவுகளில் மூழ்கி,

என்னைத் தொலைத்து

சிறகுகளிருந்தும் தவிக்கிறேன்

பறக்க முடியாமல்

உன் நினைவுகள் பெருஞ்சுமையாக

அமைதியாக இருந்த என் வாழ்வில்

அலைகள் போலவே

ஆர்ப்பரித்து வந்ததது ஏனோ?

அவைகள் போலவே

என்னை தனித்துவிட்டு செல்லவோ?

காவலாக நீ இல்லாமல் போனது

எனது காலக் கோலாரா?

இல்லைக் காதலில் கோலாரா?

div-2

20 வருடம் வாழ்ந்திருந்தாலும் கிடைத்து இருக்காது,

இந்த இனிமை

இதயத்தின் ஏக்கமும் நீ

இதயத்தின் இயக்கமும் நீ

இதயத்தின் இனிமையும் நீ

இதயத்தின் இதமும் நீ

இதயத்தின் இன்னலும் நீ

இடரலும் நீ,

பதம் பார்ப்பதும் நீ

எனது இன்பமாக நீயும்,

உனது தீராத துன்பமாக நானும்

வாழ்ந்திருந்தால், இந்த நாள்

ஒரு பெரும் சுமையாகும்.

சிலருக்குப்

பெருஞ்சுமையாக வாழ்க்கை

சிலருக்குப்

புரியாத புதிராக வாழ்க்கை

புரிதலில் இல்லை வாழ்க்கை,

பிரிதலில் இல்லை வாழ்க்கை

உன்னைப் புரிந்தும்

பிரிந்தும்

பிரியம் மாறாமல்

இருக்கிறோம் என்ற

இனிமை இன்னும்

இருபது ஆண்டுகள்

கொண்டு செல்லும் என்னை

div-1

மன்னவன்

அவன்தன் மனம் குளிர,

மங்கை இவள் எடுத்த

இனிமை, தனிமைக் கோலம்.

ஆயினும் இனிமை,

நான் உன்னோடு

இருப்பதனால் தானோ?

நினைவுகளோடு

மட்டும் நீ இருப்பதால்

இன்னும் இனிமையாகவே

என் வாழ்க்கை

இகம்பர வாழ்தலும்,

இரண்டொர வாழ்தலும்

இல்லாது போனாலும்

என்னோடு நீயில்லை

நீயின்றி நானில்லை

என்றும் தனிமையில்…

How do we measure Happiness

Many people think that being clever, rich and attractive is the best way to find happiness.

How do we measure happiness?

Is it from the mistakes, na it is from the contentment. When the contentment is with you, you can feel the happiness in you. You will feel for small small things.

One of the most amazing things in life is to have the contentment. How do we get this?

How we start living with the suffering in our life?

Assume a boy/girl studying in school. What is his role? He/she has to study and do well in the exam.

How do they get suffering in their life? DESIRE causes suffering. How does it affects the student?

My aunts son, studied this Engineering after schooling and he is settled in US. I too want to do the same course. Is the desire is  for the studies or to get knowledge or wisdom? No it lies in some other object.

Now the student’s intention is to get high score and he/she will squeeze self and start working towards the goal of getting the admission to the higher studies. After the admission, studies go on and when it gets over, is it over now? Is there any contentment? No. Now the real race starts to get a job.

Got the job, is it over? No, I need to get the US Visa, now got the US visa, is it over? No, I need to get a job in US, got the job in US, is it over? No now the job has to be secured, safe and I have to get Green card in US? Does it ends with green card?

No, it wanders now to get married, now the never-ending desire starts with marriage, kids, promotions, buying flat, upgrade to villa, everything is available now, is he happy? Really not, mind wanders to India and says to meet all this, I left all my happiness in India.

How can one satisfy them? How can one make themselves happier? How these kinds of people can make others happy?

What you chose is what you get? Do you want happiness or the source of all material luxurious lifestyle? Do you feel that you are happy with that lifestyle?

Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end……

Nothing can bring in happiness other than yourself.

If something brings happiness, then you are dependent of that thing and sooner or later you are going to face the suffering as the object/person on which your happiness depends can change.

Don’t allow other person to make you happy and try to make others happy

This will bring in happiness with you forever. Try to seed the happiness in everyone’s garden and train them to be happy with them not to depend on you 🙂

Finally to end with, fulfilling the desires in not the road for the happiness, but to control the desire is where you get happiness.

My next article will be based on the false happiness and real happiness.

Grief – Pain of Death

What is Grief?

Grief is the term used to describe emotional responses to major losses. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are all terms used to describe the same thing: the intense pain that follows the loss of a loved one.

I remember this word was told by my best friend recently and she said to me, you are not shedding your tears for the one who cheated you, but you are grieving for your lost child. Yes she was correct. I would have taken the grief also happily, if the kid would have died but it killed everyone and it is enjoying its life.

Most shameful thing is that one for whom I am killing  me(my happiness, peace, health, wealth, good habits) also asked me a question, if I die what will you do? I told her, I am not a Muslim to pack my grief in 3 days and we will have grief for one year and at least I will have deep pain for a year. but I didn’t know that before her death itself she will give that pain to me.

I know I was attending my own funeral by killing my happiness

This time I am not going to write about someone who is living, and this is about someone who will live in the hearts of many/ those who know him.

Senthil MariappanA Supply chain management consultant whom I know through my ERP network and I have not seen him during his life time, who has considered me as his sister and we used to chat a lot before and after his marriage. Due to work pressure and work tension and other unwanted association, I stopped most of my communications with many good hearts and Senthil was one among them.

Today I regret for not chatting with him during the last 1 year time. Most of the time, I used to communicate with almost those who are known to me and I don’t keep too much gap in my communication.

Due to the restrictions of the Gmail access and other social networking access in most of the companies, I have not seen him in online for long time and I am not very good in calling and speaking to my friends. I prefer to have the networking only through Gtalk or through Facebook. I do call those who used to pick their phone to reach me. Somehow we didn’t develop this kind of communication within us. I regret for not doing this my friend.

I have constant communications with his friends and I have asked about this guy with another friend also.

Suddenly a new ID, asked for permission to add me, I thought it is from a person who made me stupid by all means as I am expecting something from him. So added and asked a rough question who is this?  He asked “Do you know Senthil, I told him I know many Senthil as my brother’s name is Senthil, a friend from Abu Dhabi is Senthil, and couple of more people as Senthil from ERP network.

Even before answering my question he said, he passed away in Andaman. I was shocked and he pasted the local newspaper content.News paper confirmed it happened on 17th March. Tears were flowing like anything because of thinking about his wife who was married two years back. There are some ugly characters living in this world, but god likes only good hearts. He gives more pain to those who are good and takes good people to his kingdom who are very soft and good.

I was shattered; I was unable to believe that he is no more. I was not able to believe it, but the newspaper message said that it is him and it has shown the license copy of my friend. He died because of a heart attack and at the age of 31. Oh god, you are giving stone heart to some people and so soft heart to good people? what is this my lord? why are you playing like this?

There are people who are asking you for death, there are people who are sinners, who are cheaters, who are betrayers, who live and suck others blood like an animal, and this guy is so soft, a good heart person and why you wanted his life to end so soon?

Anyway I was grieving for something and god is showing that these kind of things are happening in the world, don’t worry, good deeds and bad deeds doesn’t come with others deeds. It is based on their own deeds only.

Grieving Losses – Grieving the loss of someone whom we love will be there in our heart for a long very long period and it is very painful process. But there is still hope. That we will cope up and come back to normal.

Grieving from a loss and healing from that loss require one to examine and re-examine the place of a loved one or a relationship. This process, the grief stages, of getting used to life without someone close to you can take over a year to work through. Experts have compared the death of a child, for example, to what it feels like to lose a limb. It gets easier to cope as time goes on, but it still takes a long time to work through the stages of grieving.

It’s easy to formulate a theory or a process for your grief to work through; however, actually working through those stages of grieving proves much more difficult. We may have a lot of method to grief, and each method looks different for each person.

After all, some steps in the healing process are easier than others—some days are easier than others. Your relationship with your loved one was unique (as like her name); expect you’re grieving to be unique. The way of hurt is also unique, very deep and it is very difficult to get healed, but god has shown the ways.

My grief was not in coping with death which allows you to meet really supportive people, but the death of someone inside the heart. But this death of my friend really made me to feel that why should I grieve because god has not taken that life, and even if it happens I will not feel heartache this much because I know that she is an unworthy person.

This death of my friend has given me a lesson that I have to be supportive to those who lost him as a mentor, the person who shared this news with me has got my mail id from my friend(Senthil) saying that she is my sister, send your CV to her, she will help you.

Somehow this new friend has not shared his CV with me, but when I got the friend request from him, I was really in a different mood and I was feeling that someone is going to get killed by me.

Bereavement requires a grief support group. Somehow I have an aversion of death and I used to get ready for the people around me about their death well in advance so as I can take it up when I face the situation.

As you work through the death of a loved one, you need a place where you can vent, where you can be honest about grief and your emotions, and where you can move through the grief stages without fear or regret.

If we get ready to get the support for the grief, it can provide a really support of friends who identify with you at a very deep level. They can move beyond showing you sympathy to really empathizing with you. I can say that I got lot of support to come out of the grief, unfortunately I was not able to come out of the grief and the situation how I was has become grief to many people around me. With the existing pain I was in deep pain because all the lovable people around me are also suffering because of me.

Will I ever see my loved one again?” The bonds forged by shared experiences are the strongest bonds. And, as you struggle to find meaning in death and dying, realize you’re not alone.

Sometimes, the sadness may be an opportunity for us to return to faith in God or involvement in our religious system. The belief in an afterlife can really ease our minds when it is for others but when it comes to loss of family members or the death of a child it is really a difficult task to handle.

I was killing myself for the death of my unborn child is really painful because, it was not born to me, but it was in front of me, it was not my adopted child, it was not of my blood  and I just felt the feeling of a child through her and how could I come out of this heavenly feeling?

She is alive and I have to consider her as dead. How to grief for the one who is alive and need to feel that she is dead? How to control myself with this feeling? What kind of death you have shown to my kid god? Why did you give that feeling through her? If I don’t grief for this then for what I could grief and I will not be called as a human because I don’t show my grief out for any other things other than the people hurting me in this way.  

Normally When I grieve for someone deeply, I will think 100 times and Iw ill come out faster. This time my grief is not only because of the death of my child, but also because of self-pity and I was not able to forgive myself for allowing someone to play with my feelings and sentiments

What is the purpose of grief in our life? The other name of mine is Hope and Encouragement. The way I give my hope and encouragements are from me, and it is not from their strength, it is from my strength, I am giving them the life of hope.

My word of hope creates encouragement in them and they find the hope in front of their eyes through me. To give others hope, I must have the hope of living and leading the life happily. I can’t tell someone smile from heart, when I don’t smile. When I say something to others I have to follow and I don’t like to tell someone which I don’t follow. I am a follower and not a preacher.

Finding God and Your Grieving – Anything under God’s Control is never out of control, God will make a way even though there seems to be no way!

May of my friends suggested me to enter into spirituality, but for me it is a big problem that I can even think about god, when I am not happy. That means I pray to god only when I am happy and I can’t go to him to cure my pain or sorrow. It is not the time to embrace my god, because he knows that I am weak if he gives me trouble. He knows my strength, he knows my weakness, and if he is giving me some pain means, he knows that I need the strength to overcome this and he knows when to give that strength also to me.

I beg for others to god not for my weakness because that weakness was given by god, why should I go and beg him saying that give me strength. I will say, I know you are the creator, you are the screen play writer, you wanted me to go through this pain, I don’t know how long I have to go through this, but give me the serenity to understand that “Even this will pass away”. I am very weak mentally and only with you I am a very strong woman. You are my strength, I trust in you and I move with your guidance. Do whatever you want to do with me. If this is your wish and play, let me enjoy and suffer it.

You want me to curse someone, let me do it, you want me to feel someone as very bad human of this world, let me feel it, but don’t make me to hate her. If you say that, then there is no use of all my grief. I know god, with great difficulty only you made me to come out of that hell. But still why did you allowed me to enter into the hell.

The Hold books are real, authentic, genuine book– filled with the stories and thoughts of real people. I don’t prefer to get into religious sentiments when I am sad because our mind will not allow us to get in touch or to feel the divine.

I know it helps to convince us that our grief is just in our head. Your grief is real, your pain is actual, and there’s still the opportunity for true healing.

If you consider most prominent people from religious front, their life was filled with sorrow, much of their life they will be betrayed, cheated, or wanted to be killed by his opponents, close friends cheating, family taking revenge, but they will be able to devote their time to god. Somehow I have not come to that situation to devote my time to god because I was holding the unwanted things in my hand, head, heart…

To end whatever I am, it is the glory of my beloved parents, friends, siblings, family, surroundings and the heavenly father. I know only one thing is that I don’t go with the wind, but I go with guidance of my god. My trust and faith in you can’t be shattered because of this kind of painful moments. I know you will help me to recover, but it really took long time as I have not spent that much time also with her.

They all have turned me from my mourning into smiling, of course dancing is not possible and I lost every charm of my life with one world. 

God has put off my black days and hugged me with gladness through different and new people, when I was holding the pain of my life and in deep grief. Thanks for the support.

I praise the god for giving the serenity in marvelous splendid way to accept the truth and not to go silent to the cemetery.  Thank you for giving me the realization that I was digging my own burial ground and giving me the clarity that I am not for that. I thank you for providing so many wonderful hearts around me and sincerely praying to you to guide all of them in their special way and keep all of them under your shadow and within the reach of my heart.

Motherhood

Motherhood is a divine emotion, an incomparable feeling. A mother shares the most beautiful and strongest bond with her child. It makes any female the happiest person on the earth, though there are many forms in which happiness comes to us but this one is with prodigious duty. This is a responsibility and not a burden but a sweet concern and very beautiful feeling of taking care, giving care, guiding the kid, making the kid to feel that they are in the safe hands.

BEING a mother is the most beautiful emotion in the world. I thanked you so many times for giving such a wonderful feeling. It is something that has to be felt. You have not come from my womb but so strong in providing that feeling, even now when I type this tears flow from my eyes.

These are not tears my love, these are the blood which I should have shed it. No matter how hard I try, I can never describe it in words. The bond between a mother and her child is the most lovely and strongest bond.

mother advice

I can’t make you understand what I felt for you or with you with words because it is a beautiful relationship. It is so hard for me to make someone understand it with words. Only those who have felt such kind of relationship can understand it and feel it.

My Life got changed completely when I considered you as a Kid. You know me that I have been the most fearless and confident person, someone who is always ready to take a risk but suddenly I started feeling scared and nervous about almost everything. Of course every child will make their mothers a weak personality, it is not emotionally weak, and it is a sense of responsibility and to provide the child all the happiness of the world.

I was never sure if everything I was doing is enough and I never felt was it over or is it all right. I was nervous all the time, what if I did something wrong to you or whether I am showing the right care for you or is it hurting you or are you feeling it as I feel or taking it wrongly or there were 1000 things going on in my mind.

It was not because that I considered you as my kid, because I shared what I felt with you and sharing that feeling with you has given me more responsibility to handle it carefully. By all means I don’t want to hurt you because of my feeling towards you. I became my biggest critic.

Of course I never felt happy with material things. But it is with the love from my surroundings, but the way I was feeling happiness because of you, words can’t just explain it, how it was because it is something divine. I realized that joy doesn’t come from material things only because of you my dear.

I might spend thousands of rupees to buy something for myself or for others but one smile from you made me the happiest person on the earth. There’s something divine about it. The way I got the ring from you, no one in the earth can make me so happy like that. Only I know how happy I was and I was praying to god please take my life this moment because I am so happy and I don’t want any more happiness in my life. Have you given that ring as gift to your boy-friend or with some stupid intention?

Only problem with me was I don’t want you to feel low either because of me or because of any reason. No matter how low I was feeling, one smile and your spirits will make it high again. Your smile became the best thing in my life.

With your smile I used to feel that all my worries vanished  and started to feel worrying for one thing that I should not give any hurt to you. I was so careful in showing my love and care to you especially because you are not a kid and a matured lady. May be the more I was careful, I gave the hurt to you but it was not knowingly and certainly it was unknowingly only. I don’t tell lies and I don’t care about anyone to tell the truth. To tell the lies only I have to think and remember everything, to tell the truth I don’t need to think about anyone and anything.

I never know that you will make me so stupid and not to feel that the only reason for me to hold you is to hear that you are happy and with your words I used to feel that you are happy or not and your smile will bring more happiness in my life.

The way you avoided me, if I would have considered you as a friend, I would not have given a room for you to enter into my circle of friendship because neither you deserve my friendship nor do you know what is friendship? You have never been cordial with anyone that is what I hear about you from your colleagues.

Your smile has given me inner strength inside me that I never thought I had. I know for sure that no one could give me that feeling in future because you destroyed my love and care. I felt that I have the energy and strength to look after you like a mother all your needs throughout the day.

During March-12, I went to India to find out the formalities to do the adoption, as soon as I came back Anantha asked me why not you fill the form now itself so as you will get the kid as soon as possible. Do you know what my response was, I told him that if I do it now, I will not be able to enjoy this great feeling and I will not be able to be true to both of them. Let me enjoy this feeling and let her give birth to her kid, and then I will go for it.

Even if I adopt a kid, I will not have that feeling now and I will have a fear only. Going for adoption is my 20 years dream and I have to fulfill it but now everything has become like a dream. How many sleepless nights I had with such high feeling for you and you destroyed it so cheaply with one word. Huh what kind of person you are my dear? I really feel ashamed to say that you are 26 years old woman who is feeling so much to become a mother. Do you know the difference between a mother and a boyfriend?

When I was there and asked you whether you had food or not, you never felt it differently or you wanted my friendship for something else. To support your boss officially to get information from me what we feel and think or something strange reasons?

I never had any feeling or felt like crib about not being able to give time to myself or about not being able to sleep well or to spend time with my friends, but still I loved every minute of my time spent with you and I can’t get that feeling for anything in the world.

Do you think I am lonely and I spend my time with you for time pass? I enjoy each and every minute of my life living lonely and I don’t pretend that I am happy. I have told you many times, I shared my wonderful time with you not to to hurt you or to get hurt. I have shared my time which I was supposed to spend with my family, friends, philosophers, my playing time, reading time, writing time, relaxing time… I don’t want my love and care what I have given you. Can you give back all the time what I have spent with you and because of you in pain now?

Normally mothers want to make the world a better place for their Kids. I don’t know what you know about motherhood or what you have learnt from your surroundings.

I have seen only the best mother and what all a mother can do for their kids. I have been brought up by a great mother and I have seen more motherliness from the people around me (My mom’s sister, granny, Gee)

They all used to protect me like a Kid even at this age from all the evil things. They are ready to fight against all the odds to make me happy and even now trying their best to make me happy. The way I have shown it to my cousin sister’s daughter, When I go to see the kid, even her mother-in-law will say, she is here, let her be with her daughter, we all will go. That is my love for each and every one and the respect what I have got from my second level of relatives is also so great for me.

The moment you become a mother, hope you will start respecting the motherliness and I pray for it to happen soon. I started loving my mother when I felt her sacrifices and the way she has done everything for me and I started respecting her even more after having the feeling of you as my kid.

All the things whatever she has done to me and my sisters are so huge. I used to think about this every day and I wonder how my mother has done so much sacrifice and was feeling how can I ever repay her for the sacrifices she made for me.

I used to feel that I will be doing it with my adopted kid and ideally I should have done all of it with the one who is going to be in my life and as my life. I have to show the entire love what I have experienced, learned and got from my mother and surroundings. I tried to do the same with you which was my biggest mistake.

I always say that my mom is the best mom in the world (Everyone will say that) but have I done enough for her? Will I be as good a mother as she is? I used to always tell her that mom, we don’t want to do anything more than what you have done to us. We want to give what you have given to us as a mother to our kids.

Unfortunately I didn’t give a chance for myself to have my own, but for sure the one who will come in my life will have all of it as the blessings. The one deserving will enter my life for sure.

Will I be as good a mother as she is? I think this is something every woman will ask herself when she becomes a mother. It makes you realize how much your mom loves you and what she really means to you and how much care she has taken in your growth.

It’s only then that you realize that the bond between a mother and child is the most unbreakable bond in the world. You are the only one who can break the beautiful relationship also. Of course it was my mistake that I felt such a great feeling through you.

Nobody can come between a mother and her child. I have shown it to the entire world when everyone around me and you wanted to say something against you or in favor of me to identify your real color, I have not allowed anyone to do for which I am paying the huge price.

A child becomes her mother’s universe and a mother becomes the child’s universe. May be I was wrong to think you as my world but yes it was wrong if you were not aware of it. I am lucky to have the feeling for you.

Whatever colors you have shown, may be god has given me this as a punishment for sharing my love and care with you. I would have been very happy not to hear even a single word bad about you and I would have been the happiest to die without  hearing anything bad about you. But god made me to hear everything, witness everything and made me as a reason from your mouth is more painful than the death of a kid. I am killing my self each second and feeling this as punishment from god.

Even after all your ill feelings, bad thoughts, arrogant attitude, immature character, playful behavior  I was feeling so nice about you and When I see a sweet kid in front of my eyes in the lift or on the road or in any mall, I used to feel if she has a kid like this, how it will be and a drop of tear comes out of my eyes and makes me to feel so bad with all your actions. At that point I have to curse you, but I will bring in a smile to myself and say you are a stupid, don’t think for her, think about yourself. I never got such a feeling with a small beautiful kids to think as my kids.

At last not the least, every mother would have slapped their kids, scolded their kids, cursed their kids but it is not to hurt them or to spoil them. It is all to make them in the right way. It happened with me as well. My mother has given beatings with broom sticks, whatever she gets in her hand, because I was so naughty, careless, rude and very arrogant.

I have the moral responsibility as a friend to correct him/her. I used to do it with everyone, if I feel that they are wrong. Your religion also says that don’t avoid people for their mistakes, and don’t afraid to correct them. It is your moral responsibility to inform them that what they are doing is wrong. It is their choice to take it or leave it.

I have done it on the road for one of my friend’s sister who was talking to a guy and scolded her on the road and said I will not scold next time, I will slap you on the road for doing such kind of activity. I know for sure that she has not taken it as like you and she is happily living and shown me her two kids recently when she met me in a park and said I married the same guy only see him he is there.

I considered you as my daughter and when I said those little harsh words to you to change your character is just to make you aware that you need to become lovelier so as you can make your child to feel that your heart is the place of heaven for her or him to dwell in. I was not wrong at all. Even then I asked sorry to you because it caused pain to you. You were not ready to analyze your mistake but you were keen to find out others mistakes.

How could you damage it with a silly word of saying it as a boyfriend? If I would not have shared it to you or if you are unaware of my feelings for you, then I can say that you can feel it as a crap or anything. What did I do as like a boyfriend to you? I am really annoyed with this word. Those guys around me are also friend only to me and how can you use these kind of cheap words?

Whatever it is all these are the answers for your husband’s question and if you have the guts share it and answer to my questions. I really hate someone to interfere in between my friends and you know what you are, tell them I gave them respect it is only because they are part of your life (Boss and your husband).

Let God show the great feeling of motherhood to you so as you will realize what you have done with me. This is not a curse, and it is a heartfelt wishes only… you will not know the difference between a wish and a curse also because you are a silly person with no feelings.