Tag Archive | friends

இவர்களும் மனிதர்களா?

friend-end

தந்தையிடம் சொல்ல முடியாததையும்

தாயிடம் பகிற முடியாததையும்

சகோதரனிடமும், கணவனிடமும்

சொல்ல முடியாத விஷயத்தையும்

அனைத்தும் சொல்லிடுவாள்

நண்பன் அவனை

சகோதரனாக எண்ணிடுவாள்

இவனை தன் நண்பன்

ஆயுள் வரை நட்புடன்

இருந்திடுவான் என எதிர்பார்ப்பில்

துரோகியாக நண்பன்

மாறிடும் நிலை வராது எனும் நம்பிக்கையில்

தன் மனதில் உள்ளதை நண்பனிடம்

சொல்லிய மன நிம்மதியில் அவள்…

தனக்குள் இருந்த மனபாரம்

குறைந்தது எனும் திருப்தியில்.

துரோகியாக நண்பன் மாறிடுவான்,

ஒரு சிறு விரிசல்

அந்த நட்புக்குள் வரும் நேரம்

சகோதரனும் சாக்கடையாவான்

தந்தை என்றுச் சொல்பவனும்

சிந்தையில்லாது மாறிடுவான்

நட்பும் உடைந்து போகும்

சுயமில்லாமல் வருவது

ஒன்று மட்டுமே இந்த பூவுலகில்

அன்னை என்பவள் அரவனைப்பு மட்டுமே…

இவை அனைத்தும் இருப்பது

பேதை பெண்களிடம் மட்டுமே ! ! 

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Sweet sixteen @ 40

Biking Experiences

When I in class 6, I used to ride the Luna/Mopeds without anyone and couple of complaints my mother got from the school class teacher and the merchants on the main market road also used to inform my mother. They used to tell her that she is going to die in an accident only. It was not a curse but out of care and affection. I used to tell my mother, tell them not to cry for the death. I will bunk the school and will get caught red handed with mopeds.

Same way, I learned the biking also very early when I was in the class 7 or 8, I was so small and tiny, not even having the capacity to move the bike, but I used to ride it and the balance it well because of my interest, concentration and will power. The First bike was Yamaha-Rx-100 and even now I used to have the same fear in my mind, but I will not show it out and I will ride it as if I am a skilled biker. Only for the Bajaj-M-80 the height issue was not here and for all other bikes like  Yamaha Rx-100 or the latest bikes like Apache, Unicorn or bullets my height is a minus point but I love to ride the bikes irrespective of its heights.

If at all I have to die in an accident, I wish to die when I ride a bike with a helemt and jacket and spot death.

Accidents Taught me Great lessons in life and how I worry about others lives.

An interesting accidents about my two-wheeler stunts are one riding it at 40 kms/hr and dashed it in a lamp-post to save a little girl from hurt, and the M-80 which I was riding was one of my friends and it got hurt badly and even I was hurt. I took the vehicle to a mechanic shop to repair it, but the guy told it will take time to repair it, so I was forced to give it to my friend without repairing it and with an injured face of it. A sad part of life is this friend of mine is no more today because of his biking passion. In the year 2000, drank too much and was riding his new CBZ bike and met with an accident. Luckily he survived in that accident, but died due to some other issues after couple of years.

One more accident also in M-80 and that to save a little boy who was rushing from the opened gate and entered the main road, I applied a sudden brake and got skidded. I fell down, luckily was wearing a helmet and was not hurt. As soon as I got up, I was checking the vehicle and the people who gathered around were scolding me to check whether I am hurt. This time it was in my own bike and I was very cautious about the maintenance of my vehicles.

Another accident was while I was standing for a signal, I don’t know how I fell down and the reason for it was a guy in a bi-cycle. Even this time, I was not ready to see or whether I got any hurt or not, I rushed to office. As soon as I reached, I was limping while walking and a colleague was making fun without knowing that I met with an accident. Literally I was in tears and told my boss that I met with an accident. Everyone scolded and asked me to check what happened. This was a kind of major accident for me, a piece of flesh was out on top of my left knee. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was shocked to see the flesh out and I told him that accident happened 10 mins back only but it happened 1 hour back. He was literally shocked and asked me to consult an ortho and he said there will be some crack, she needs to be in bed rest for 2 weeks.

I told the doctor, I am perfectly alright, my tears are after seeing the flesh out and it is out of scare not because of pain, just do the stitching and I will be back to office. But my boss asked the ortho-appointment immediately and a young hero kind of doctor again visited me to check my leg, he did small tests and said she is lucky looks like everything is fine. If any swelling is there, do take an X-ray immediately. Otherwise just go with pain killers.

Then the physician did the stitching and I went to office, everyone was feeling as if I had a fracture in my leg. I called up couple of my friends and asked them is it possible for them to come out of their offices. Both of them said yes afternoon we will meet. I told them to come to a movie hall to watch a movie and I told my boss, I want to go home now.

As he knows that the medicines are heavy, he said you will feel drowsy, so go home and take rest, no need to come for 2-3 days. I told him, I will update him the next day and went home. I had my afternoon lunch at home and then told my granny that I am going to watch a movie with friends. She started scolding and screaming, I told her that I came from office just to watch the movie not to feel that I got hurt or I am not capable of working.

Now my friends would have got the movie tickets and I want to go and watch it. I called up my friends and they were still in office. So I told them I will come and pick them and one of them said, she will walk down to the theater as her office was nearby. Sometimes Accidents are good to take a break from your regular routines.

One accident which I can’t forget in my life was with my father. He was riding the bike and due to some reason, we fell down, I think because of the sun glaze. Heavy bleeding in my fathers foot and little scratches in my hands, after seeing the blood I got giddy and fainted. My father ran to the nearest shop to get water with that blood. After waking up, i said blood, he said nothing, don’t get scared for this. Don’t tell the world that you fainted because everyone around you thinks that you are very bold lady.

Yes I am bold lady, when it is the blood of others, but when it is your own, you will not know what to do. There is a proverb in Tamil, Thaan aadavittalum than thasai aadum… I realized it on that day.

Most interesting thing from the biking experience is my friends and the way they all supported and supporting me.

Three of my friends bought new bikes on the same day and all the three wanted me to pick up their new bikes from the show room. We were five friends and all of us went to the shop, took the first bike for a friend and I was the one to ride the new bike and dropped it in my friend’s house and we continued the same exercise for all the 3 friends. Five of us will go to the show room and I will start the bike and bring it to their home. (I guess I will be the only one to ride 3 new Hero-Honda – Splendour from the same show room in a day)  – If I am not wrong this should be in 2000. A new Bike TVS Fiero also has given me the opportunity to ride it with a new registration board.

Then we all went to the temple to follow the religious sentiments. That was really a great honor to me as a friend from all the 3 guys. I will cherish that moment all my life and I don’t know any where about’s of two of them and the other friend said, I just sold the bike because of its condition as it was almost 13-14 years old.

This is not the only case, I know for sure there are many friends who will not give their bikes to anyone but they will give it to me for the first ride or without any issues. There were some guys used to fight that how come you are giving your bike only to her and not to us kind of.

Some experiences are treasures of life which I have to lock it in my memories. Sharing this makes me to smile from my heart. Life is beautiful to look back and I feel so fresh and thinking that how many good friends and how they all made it beautiful. It can’t be beautiful only with me and without all these good friends.

One of the reason for me to stay happy is my friends and because of the same friends I used to get hurt badly also. But I used to recoup with a new set of friends or group of people. The best ever happenings in my life is my friends circle and the way I used to keep it up, thanks for those who are there in all my good and bad times and providing the dignity and  serenity of friendship.

Passion for work will continue…..

Sweet 16 @ Forty

Today is one of my friends Birthday – Best Friend – Happy Birthday to you, Love you and miss you dear.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

Funny thing to look back your life when you are in forty. I have to say thanks to god that I got the time to look back it. One important factor for me to be happy, smiling is I live my life and I am not living it as a forced life. For most of them, they take their life at forties as forced life, by thinking about their kids education, marriage, or about their house loans, and other commitments.

I am living a most satisfied life and I started the savings habit when I was in my school days, and it is still their. Only I know that I was having the helping nature from my school days, whatever I used to have with me, I will distribute it to others. A boy studied with me used to do paintings very nicely, but he was not able to get the acrylic colors and without a need, i bought it and shared it with him to develop his painting interest. I don’t know where he is and how he is also, but I still remember him by that short black boy and his name was karthikeyan.

I think and whatever is there in my memory, I was notorious only. At the age 7, I started riding the bi-cycle on road. I remember that most of the girls and boys in my area learned cycling through me and my effort & guidance. I don’t even remember that children of that age will not try to leave the hands and ride the cycle, but I tried to leave one hand and I was able to balance the cycle and next day I tried to do it leaving both the hands, without the knowledge that the cycle was too heavy for me to balance and it was not a small bicycle to do my gymnastics in it. When the cycle size increased, my height was not increased and I was forced to fall down and get hurt.

Foolish mind never got settled with the hurt in one hand, leg, once again tried and in the same place i fell down and got hurt in the same way in the other hand also. After Two days i realized that it was not only the balance issue, there was more sand in that particular place and because of which the cycle speed was getting reduced suddenly as if i applied a sudden brake. I do repeat the same mistakes even now and get hurt again and again, but with a smile saying that I know it is going to hurt.

I have to say both cycling and biking are my passion and I can’t give up both for any reasons. What all naughtiness I have done with my cycles…

Earlier I used to use the rental cycles and when I was in my class 5 I got the first cycle, Hercules Captain and a huge hero ladies cycle. Both sisters used to go together and come together.

Before class 5 we used to practice cycling on road with my mother’s used old bi-cycle.

During my 9th I got the Standard the craze of BSA SLR trendy cycle – the love for that cycle is flying in a high speed to reach home as first person is one of the wonderful feeling. Secondly, coming as a slow cyclist along with the friends who used to walk to their houses is one awesome experience, especially when my friends used to scold me, either go fast or walk with us and don’t do this slow cycling with us. I love it and the feeling of thinking about it makes me to bring a big smile, a teenager smile.

The happiest moments of my cycling life was carrying a huge water can to school almost 5 or 7 ltrs of water. We used to go to school as a group close to 7 or 8 kilometers one way and all of them will finish their 1 Ltr of water bottle half the way or close to school. I think Sharing has started when I was in my school days.

Apart from carrying the water bottles, the way I used to carry the cricket bat and badminton rackets in my cycle makes me to feel that I miss that golden age. I want to go back and start my life as a sports personality which I could not do it because of being born in a small middle class family.

Even now I feel that I want to go in a bi-cycle with a cricket bat on it or a badminton racket in it.

My Passions are not only with my cycles, it got extended to Mopeds, Bikes….

Biking Experiences will continue…..

Sweet Sixteen @ furious forty

When I was thinking hard for a title to write, my sister asked me to write about myself. Whatever I say, it is all about me only. Whether it is about love, passion, kindness, hatred, profession, colleagues, debates etc., all are part of my life. 

This time, I thought I have to take time to say about me but in others eyes. I would like to share the profound insights of how I was and how I am – Profound Transformation of Sweet Sixteen When I am @ 40. My energy level is of 16 and my thoughts of life is par above forty.

Most of my friends feel that I am blessed and the happiest person in the world. Yes I am, but to be a blessed person or to be the happiest person, it doesn’t come easily to anyone or by chance. It is a choice taken by every individual. Choice is controlled by us and executed with our energy and exact event and chance is not controlled, and chance is by luck and of uncertain factors.

Whether it is love, care, affection I give a lot. What do you get is what most of them ask me, yes for sure hurt only from everyone, but still I do it. Because we never know what kind of situation the other person is going through, a kind gesture, simple smile, caring word, ears to listen can make them to feel better from their situation, which in turn can make them to feel that there is someone for them and can provide them the strength to live their life and to face their struggles with a smile.

 Why should I do? 

This is the million dollar question for which i don’t have a straight forward answer. I know the pain of not having it. I should say that this is a Journey that inspired me when I got the support from my family, friends, extended family, and colleagues when I was to be abandoned, not to be cared, not to be tolerated. Whatever people have seen me in the last 10 years is a total refinement of my age, experience, and quality people around me. 

I was very arrogant, wild and adamant as like all others and even now I have all these but I chose to be forgiving than to keep my self-hurting or considering for a revenge. What all negative qualities that are not required to be with a female, you can see all of it in me.

Today, I am not ashamed to say it, because of the way I changed my attitude towards life. Most of the time, I am away from my family and the change was required in me to have some people around me. Attitude towards life changed when you start your travel alone. You will love everything and start feeling to share everything you own to others because you don’t have to save it for your next generation or to anyone else.

The world becomes your relatives and a stranger becomes your friend and a friend becomes relative. I choose to be happy and Life is a cycle, comes with the birth and death. What we do in between matters and I started to do what matters to me.

Even now with full of tears in my eyes, I will say that I am happy because I know that tears is not because of some stupid reason but full of feelings for someone in this world. Occasionally I do shed because of anger, but it is part of life.

Of course I learned the best of life from my mother. Even though she was not having any reason to smile, she used to have a smiling face all the time. She was very beautiful and one of my cousin used to tease us by asking my mother, none of your daughters are closer to your beauty. 

The care and affection at the right age was not available to all 3 of us, because my mother was working and it is not like today’s era, to have everything at one phone call. She needs to travel close to 4 hours in a day and 9 hours of working, by the time she reach home, most of the days I would have slept. Same way our mornings were in hurry bury to get ready to school and office. 

After School, we used to open the doors Big NAV-TAL Lock, and we will change our uniforms, without anyone we will do our home works. Most of the time, we were taken care by the neighbors. of course my maternal relatives were helping in taking care of us, because none of them were able to guide us properly or to take our talents in positive directions. (a typical middle class family)

Hemant once asked me, @ forty you are so naughty, and how you would have dured your childhood days? Naughty, beauty etc., are sort of comments because of the transformation what happened in me. Over the time, everyone will get this transformation. They will choose to be spiritual and I chose to live my life with happiness (I am spiritual, but I don’t do lot of things related to spiritual activities. I keep my mind and body clean. When your mind is clean, your heart will be filled with joy. Again, Happiness is a choice and not a chance.

It is very hard to predict me, when someone things that I will get collapsed for a hard situation, but I will take it easily, for the things which I have to take it lightly, I will make it as big hue and cry.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

continues…..

Back to School

Back to School

While writing back to school, am having a big smile in my face, but literally I don’t like to go to schools as like all the kids.

When I spin the wheel back to my school days, I remember that I used to wish that I need never-ending Sundays and there is no Monday’s to come. Sometimes while going nearer to school I will delay myself so as the school gates will get closed and I can go back as the entrance was closed. Unfortunately my father will drop us exactly before the gate gets closed. If I dare to go back home my father would give me a good blow. Just like the teacher did long ago.

Every week I will get sick until 9.00 AM and I will be alright after 10.00 AM till next day. But back then none of us have got any choice but to go.

As like others, I will not say that school days are interesting days and I want to go back to my school days. I never wanted to go back to school days. I will say school days are innocent days and not interesting days of my life and more of ignorance till my tenth standard which I feel awkward today but that is the reality with me.

To be honest, I don’t remember how I practiced the alphabets, numbers but I remember the way I used to memorize the multiplication tables and it was purely based on my father’s effort. We used to do the homework on our own and we enjoy our evening all the time playing after completing the homework.

When all the students will study the subject ‘Heart’ & ‘Eye’, I used to study about frog and ears (Those were easy). Everyone will break their head with Algebra but I used to feel relaxed with Geometry and graph. (To score pass mark, it is enough) When I think about this now, I feel that how stupid I was. This will say how I was ignorant.

To say about innocence, my name is the example for it. As per the birth time, name was given as Uma with my father’s name as initials. Two of my school mates were commenting that my name is very small and I started crying to my father and fighting with him that why did you keep my name so small, I want my name to be lengthy one.

Even now I am paying the price of my innocence, because of my full name now. My father changed my name instantly saying that keep your first teacher’s name along with your name (Uma became Uma VijayaLakshmi Ponnappan). One of my school friend caught me in the face book because of my full name.

Even though I was innocent and ignorant, I can say that I have the art of creativity when I was very young even before class 3, I remember that I used to tell stories to my friends about my dreams that I was flying in the space with a friend (not in flights).

About my naughtiness, no one can be like me, I still remember that I will go to the school with my class teacher only. She has to come to my home to pick me otherwise I will cry like anything to go to school. After seeing her face only I will feel relaxed to go to school. It is art of adaptability but no one was able to realize it at that time.

I have to say that I was not notorious because I was very lazy. Always my first teacher VL used to say that because of your laziness you are going to be behind all other people. If you are a stupid, then it is fine, but laziness there is no medicine for it. About my hatredness for studies, I have to say that it came to me in my early stages due to one of the teacher only.

Once I got severe blow from the teacher because I did not do my homework. I informed my mother that I will not go to school anymore because she hit me very badly in the school. My mother told that she will come and speak to the teacher and she came to the school and told the teacher that she can beat her daughter for her misbehaviors or if we are not disciplined. They should not beat the kids if they didn’t do the homework, because it was not the kid’s mistake and it is parent’s mistake and my parents were working. She told her politely only but the teacher got offended and started beating me wildly. I still remember that for each and every hit, she was saying go and tell your mother that I did this to you today also.

After that incident I really hate to go to school and unknowingly I got hatred for studies and teacher. Unfortunately I was forced to go to the same school for three years. Luckily, that teacher got married and left the school in a year.

After that I never had any respect for any of the teacher but my first teacher was with me all the way through till my Tenth Standard. Apart from VL, I met a teacher in my 7th standard who was teaching English and History, because of her kindness and approach I started loving this teacher. I was very attentive in her classes.

As like now, I was not having best friends or close friends from the school, because I love all of them equally. There will be groups but I will be in all the groups. I don’t remember most of my classmate’s names and very few are in touch. Above than my classmates, I will have friends from my seniors and super seniors. Friendship with elders is what I consider as my strength moving forward in life.

During my 10th Standard, my class teacher was taking attendance and fortunately I was inside the class room and gave my attendance. She asked how you are inside the classroom. Your place is outside the classroom and your proxies will say that you are inside the school. I used to be outside the class for your sporting event or debate or other activities. How this madam is inside the class room? What are you going to do? Immediately I told her I am going out for volley ball match practice and left the class room.

After 10th Standard, I went for my Diploma as I want to put an end to my studies early. During my Diploma course, I used to argue with the lecturers that I am studying and getting score on my own. I know I struggled a lot for mathematics and one teacher from outside helped me to get through in Mathematics.

After my Diploma, there was no set back and after that my UG and PG were through distance education on my own effort (of course with couple of good teachers support).

When I was studying, I used to feel that our education system needs a revamp. Unfortunately my niece and nephew will also follow the same pattern of going to school, studies, memorize, exam, results but I strongly believe that practice makes man perfect and on job training only helps people in growing up. Have I lost because of this concept, yes I do. As per my mother’s request, if I would have continued my Engineering, I would have got settled in US with a Green card and I will not be writing about my school days by this time from UAE, instead I would have blogged about my trip to Disney World or about world tour (Ignorance played a role here also) .

The great difference between my school days and working days are Mondays should not come and now I can work even without weekends. When it is passion, we never feel tiredness and to bring the passion while studying is in the hands of policy makers (change in education system).

I am happy with the way I got my knowledge to identify what is ignorance, innocence and I got the intelligence through the phases of my learning through experiences (not through studies)

Vacation-al husbands-3

The reason for the above question is not based on assumptions; it is based on experiences I am facing with this dirty world. Now a days guys are very open and freeky to question to a woman who is married/divorced or single to ask her can you live with me in a relationship ( this means like a wife but I can’t marry you).

Aren’t we giving the chance for the spouse to make mistakes by allowing them to live alone for the sake of economic development or for his career/professional growth?

I am not saying all guys are wrong, out of 90% of friends 1% would have tried the above question with me and I have all the rights to say this to the fellow females not to allow their husbands to stay away from them for any reason. It is their choice and even the female can go and live with anyone.

For economic conditions sake, they will do anything and they don’t want to keep the promise what the marriage says to them. Neither they are sharing their life’s joy and sorrow with each other. They want to share their happiness in terms of money not in terms of caring for each other with lovable, affectionate and caring ways.

Main reason for posting this article is not to hurt anyone’s feelings or to pin point anyone’s mistakes, but to say that it is world of rubbish people around us and what we need is what we have to decide and I don’t know what these friends of mine really feel as blessed or living a life of perfection. As they condemn others at their back.

Whether the relationship between a husband and wife are going on fantastic or not, if the husband is not living with a female, then the life of the female will undergo many critics in her life. Without doing any mistakes, the female has to go for Agni pariksha as like the Sita of Ramayana. Agni pariksha for Sita happened long long ago and the same continues for all the females, even though we call this world is changed, revolution, rebellions, technology etc., but nothing changes the minds of the men(Indian men).

Whether it is having doubt on his wife or calling a female to his bed it is by men only but the effect of it goes only for the female not for the men.

It is easy for a colleague to give filthy comment with a boss about a female who lives single after marriage because he knows that husband is not around and if the female is little closer or even if she talks casually with someone and avoids others for some personal reason, the guys take advantage to hurt the female by talking rubbish. It is easy for them to handle it in that way and to play with the weakness of a female.  the same comments he will not pass with the same female if the female is living with her husband, because the value of the marriage lies in that home where the guy lives and in the heart of the female.

A husband has to stay with the wife to make the love and romance of their life to exist till end of their life. “Love doesn’t sit in a heart like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made every day, made new.”

Female will get all the desired gifts with the money earned by her husband or by herself, but the precious gift of admiration can only be done by a husband. If that also has to be done by her colleagues and others then what is the need for this husband.

This distance provides two scenario’s in their life.

Love grows in the heart of the couples when the distance is for short-term (mostly with women)

Out of sight and out of mind (mostly with men) comes when the separation is meant for long-term or destined to be forever conditions. (most of the women also takes this as a chance to flirt with other men because why boys should have all the fun, let me also date with another lady’s husband)

Both men and women get engaged in their routine and for the fascinating life, they try to expose their positive sides to those who are around and start with flirting and if it works out , they get into an extra marital affairs.

In most of the cases the physical separation of husband and wives leads to have one or more affairs only whether it is for the pleasure or due to the pressure of the current atmosphere GOK (God only knows).

I believe such a separation for economic reasons, has to be avoided.

Is it the same case with all the couples? Certainly not, because the couples who has got kids and have spent their life for 4-6 years together, it varies with them. It is mostly dependent on the individuals and the love they have for each other. When it is for the welfare of the kids, I believe in true love and it will increase the love irrespective of the distance.

Above all these men will not prefer to leave their wife and kids for the sake of money, and they will try to bring them along with him or he will make a frequent trip to meet them. Those who are money minded and who prefers wife as luxury item doesn’t need to get married and they can make their luxury or the needs to satisfy them with the money what they earn than to spoil the other female’s life.

I wanted to wind up this content with a short and sweet note in a different way, but I have to thank those who provoked me to share the actual thought what was going on in my mind. Before talking about others, they have to think about themselves and they have to correct them. I tried to explain it to my friend based on my experience and not on others experiences.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness.”

The real joy of marriage is being together, with each other……..being able to connect, then fight, then connect and cuddle providing the happiness of being in the arms of each other after the fight every now and then is what makes the marriages to survive.

Years of separation from each other, certainly deprives both men and women, the joy of being together……..and being in companionship. No letter connection, no email connection, no online chat connection can substitute the real togetherness.

If someone says we will do all these over phone and internet, then it is better to marry a photo than a human.

“What I love most about my home is with whom I share it with.”  – now I find these men and women share it with their ipad, laptop, black berry, smart phones and skypes not with the wife/kids/parents/friends. Even if we scream or shout at their ears, it will not enter into their head and heart, till the time they lose something valuable in their life.

If someone prefers to learn only they can learn otherwise Time will teach them a big lesson.

 

Gift of God

Gift of God – Both Blessings and Curses are the gift of god only.

Do we need to have a reason for loving? Only a life lived for other’s is worth living. A life for self is ruining us.

I say what I can do and do what I used to say. There’s no in between. People will either love you or hate you . The greatest healing therapy is love and friendship.

When I say that love and emotions with you is divine to me, and I can’t expect you to feel in the same way. If you would not have shown your love also, it would have been in the same way. I feel that it would have been the most precious if you would not have shared it with me. I got that special feeling for you even before we started sharing the love.

I believe the world is one big family, and we need to help each other. My Motto of life is not having my relationship within one small family. I love everyone around me, but very few come to the inner circle. My feelings for my friend and a stranger will be same, whereas my feelings for the inner circle will be far more than my family.

I used to pray for others even for strangers and my enemies (Even though I don’t consider anyone as my enemy but still those who consider me as their enemy). I don’t believe in the selfish prayers. I do ask something for self, like I will ask the god to give me strong shoulders to accept the challenges and I never asked for a relief.  I know that god will give me a strong shoulder to face the challenges. He is the one giving me the problem and he is the one who can help me to cross it.

My Love for you started unknowingly. I never felt something special as I have it for you now.I felt that something is missing in your eyes. You always keep smiling, but in that smile, there is a deep longing. You can say you don’t have but that was the real feeling what I felt about you.

I didn’t know that you are married also and I came to know through others. I never thought it also because one by look you are young and your face doesn’t say so. May be if I would have started praying on my own, I would have prayed give her the best what she deserves or I would have prayed to god that whatever is required for her to smile from heart, please give it. You entered my prayers may be in the month of December or early Jan-12.(I guess it was during some UAT Sessions)

It is my usual nature that I will pray when someone needs something, which can’t be dealt by me. If it is a word of comfort, or to spend my precious time to heal them or to help them monetarily or to support them mentally, I can do it and I thank god for giving me that opportunity to do it for them.

Rest all other things, I will ask only to god. I believe that god is acting through me to support them, encourage them and to comfort them. Only very few will have those golden blessings to give comfort to others.

When I pray for me, only thing I will ask god is be with me all the day and do whatever you want me to do and guide me in all the phases. Same way in my prayers also, he is the one who wants me to pray for others. I don’t ask for anyone wants and my prayers are only for the needy.

Same way only you entered my room of prayers and even I can’t believe that the way you entered my prayers were as unique as like your name.

Sometimes our 7th sense will say something and it happened like a miracle for me while I was praying. All my prayers were without any bargains with god.

I will not say that I will do this if you give this to them or do that for them, but when I started praying just a fraction of second, something made me to say, I will not think anything about self or I will not think about anything in my life, I will give up all the worldly things.

Please give her all the happiness of the world. Please give her what she needs and make her happy were the prayers and I don’t know how it came from my heart.

After my prayers, I was in deep tension and dilemma how I could pray like this for a stranger because I was having someone in my mind and she was a stranger only because I know her just by face. I am sure that I can’t pray on my own. God wanted me to give up everything, may be that’s why he used her as a medium to guide me.

I used to pray for those who are with pain or deep hurt or ill health. When I started praying you entered my life as a stranger only. I never thought that you will give such an impact in my life.

When we pray for others, god listens, that is what is my feeling and I will not get disturbed when I pray for others. But with this girl, who entered my prayers room only few day and for the first time I was praying for her and how I got that kind of attachment or what it is? I don’t have any clue of my prayer and I was literally disturbed after praying for this girl, because attachments lead to expectations and expectations lead to disappointments.  God wanted some detachment and a different attachment as well.

But still I said thanks to god, and I said it is something you have given it and I will keep it as precious gift from you and you want me to have this attachment as well as detachment from worldly things. This is also a different kind of love.

I am sure that I can’t pray for someone on my own and god wanted me to pray for her. I can’t do it without the blessings from god. I have a big friends circle and an affectionate family circle. I don’t pray for everyone individually. I just include all of them in one word as friends and family.

It was just a fraction of second came during my prayers, but it really touched me a lot and I said, if it is your will, I will abide it. Already I don’t ask anything to you and I always take your guidance and follow it. If you wish that I have to let go all my worldly desires, am ready to give up.

Whatever I asked is not on my own without your (god) guidance, I can’t let these kind of words to come out of my mouth also for someone sake, when it is during my prayer, it is from heart and I have to abide the words and I take this as a blessings from you because you are the one who is guiding me all the time.

Neither I had any love for you nor have I seen your love at that point of time. God asked me to love you and my love started for you with my prayers. How can that 7th sense ask me to give up everything for girl whom I don’t know or anything about her? I know only her name and I don’t know anything else.  I considered you as god’s gift to me.

It is definitely a blessing from god. I started my prayer by saying to my girl and I never wished to take someone in my prayers as personal prayer. God knows that whatever I ask for her is like a personal need.

I don’t know what kind of love is it at that point of time. Whether it is a love between friends, mother and daughter, or between two strangers?  That’s why we say Love is blind and I feel that it is a Gift from God. I don’t want this to be shared publicly because my feeling for you is from heaven, but you thought it differently.

When I started praying regularly for her, I will have a bright smile when I say her name, and I will say to god, please make her to smile in the same way I am smiling now with your blessings, because I know what she means to me and I want her to feel the same blessings from you and to see her smile.

It would have been a blessing if you would not have become so close to me. I don’t know why god wanted you to show your love to me, because I never expected it or want to experience it as well.

When I got the love from you, I felt like god wanted me to feel what I felt as a blessing as a curse.  but you proved everything as wrong and what all words I listened from you. I really feel that I don’t deserve to hear all those for showing my love.

Loving you is a blessing, Sharing it with you is a pain, accepting your love is a curse.

To be Continued…………