Tag Archive | fear of life

My Best Friend – Letter

First let me thank you for sending such a nice mail. I really appreciate the way you have drafted it. It was so awesome. Unknowingly you would have been a reason for my demise. The way it was written, I was totally collapsed, I lost all my values with that mail and I lost my respect at work because of your mail. It was a harsh mail when I read it for the first time. I was not able to concentrate on anything, because I got it from you. If I would have got it from that bitch my response would have been different.

I was shocked to receive such an email from you my dear, I feel that you also don’t know what is love? I just want to say you that you weep for your mother even after one year of her death and you should not say that love is more or over love. What kind of love is yours? Is it over love? No it is just love, for few it might look like over love. It will not happen with all. 

After reading it for 5 times, I felt that how nicely she shared her feelings. That is love my dear. I was feeling that she has the guts to say what she felt unlike the other female who was keeping it in her heart and sharing it with others about me.

Just for an example, I am taking a dog. We have so many street dogs, do you think we will go and hug all the dogs??? We will hug only the pet dog or our favorite dog only. There are so many in the world, we will not love all of them equally. When some other street dog comes near our dog we will hit the street dog. It is not because of the hatred of the street dog, it is because of the love for our pet dog.

Love will be shared based on the person to person only. I can’t love you like her because the way she has shown her fake love to me in such a way that it is true and I trusted her love as real and true and the way it has gone deep inside me, I have to die every day to kill that love for her. I feel ashamed to say this, but that is the fact. Now I am so scared to live my life and each day goes like a year for me. My love for her kills me and my hate for her will make me to kill her. I am in between my love and hate for her. If at all as a friend if you want to do something good, pray that I should not see her in my life time.

In order to experience everlasting love in life first we need to figure out what is missing in our life and then fill in the gaps. I know very well that people fall in and out of love because they expect their lovers to be everything to them and do everything for them. Am I showing it to DD? I don’t because I know what is she and where I have to keep her?

Is it the mistake of the other or the mistake of myself, because the time what I have spent for her is highly valuable time for me leaving all my priorities is not for time-pass and I don’t need her for my time pass. Neither I need her nor SH for time pass because I don’t have time to waste, all my time are golden and I spend it so beautifully even though am alone, I never felt alone because I know how to make myself happy without depending on others.

If she wanted time pass friendship, she will get many in the world as she was doing with one more friend of mine. A cheap local third grade people are available only to chat with women and these kinds of people are only for those third rated time pass people.

As you used to say I have great talents to pass the time without spending my time and precious feelings with someone. God has given the gift of love, knowledge, intelligence and to be happy when I am alone and to make others happy and smile from heart.

Moreover I am not like the normal stupid women who dwell in dreams, I make the dreams to come true. I dream only one thing which I made myself that it can’t come true in my life.

I have priorities set in my life, Monday I have to read something to ponder, Tuesday is time for me to listen my favorite singer songs, Wednesday I read about spirituals, Thursday’s are meant for special prayers and Friday’s full day rest and Saturday’s are romantic and Sunday fun-filled with family. Most of the days I plan well before as I don’t need to think that how to spend this day?

When I start a day I will not feel that how I am going to end this day because I start with an objective. My day will make at least two people to smile. I don’t depend on others to make me smile. From morning till late night, I will have busy schedules and I will have so many people around me waiting to listen to me and to hear from me.

Without anyone in my life, I can be happy. Even without internet, TV’s I used to spend my days happily without coming out of the room. Without food, only with water I will spend days with books and my laptop. So no day is bad day and I never regret for being single and I am proud to be single.

I really don’t understand the word single as well, because I have a lovely family behind me to support me in all I do. My mother, sisters, kids and a lovely second level and third level relatives are there. Everyone knows me very well and the way I am. Above all my family, I have a big circle of friends who are always there with me in all my ups and downs.

In my very big circle of friendship, I don’t have any regrets at all because I don’t make them to spend their time for me. I spend my time with the way they need it. When we do that, we will not have any misunderstanding. There is no expectations and I don’t need to cry for anyone. Only she created all the expectations by pinging from morning till night.

You can take yourself as an example. Do I need to worry or to feel something wrong to say directly on your face? When I call you for a dinner or when you call me, what we say, if you are comfortable, then we will go. Hey in any relationship choice is made by the two people not by one person.

If you know how to keep up a relationship, then you can fall in any kind of love. If you don’t please don’t spoil another’s life. For me I  was so depressed or felt so bad because of the loneliness created by that fool of an ass.

I never started any kind of relationship or friendship with her, she was the one who used to say good morning till good night. She was not feeling that time that am not her boyfriend na? what all nonsense she has shared with you?

During first few months she was very happy to start the conversations, to keep updated every now and then was it okay for her?

In spite of my busy schedule, I have spent my precious time with her and for which she has given the bad treatment. I don’t need to curse her god will handle her in all the possible ways because I trust in god.

It is really easy to start any relationship my dear friend, but it is very difficult to support it. She was the one who made me to start my days with good morning and good nights. Neither she was my gal friend nor was I her boyfriend. What is the need for her to say it? It becomes problematic only when the other person fails to meet all her regular activities.

Even after 3 days she will not answer and how do you want me to handle? After 3 days, if I ping she will say you didn’t ping, so I didn’t ping you. If I ping next day, she will not respond. I think she needs a treatment. Because it doesn’t look like a normal person. May be she is single and want someone in her life to spend her time. She is single means after marriage she is single and she is not able to spend her time with her husband, maybe that’s why she wants more and more people around her. May be she thought that I will not come back to UAE and decided to move out and started new friendship with others. That is also a passing cloud friendship for her and she will talk with all men and women in same way as she was doing it with me.

As I told you, with lot of people around me, I have not spend even 20 dhirams for my mobile phones. I never used to call anyone and mobile phones are only for my personal use. Personal- it means only with my family. I don’t use it with anyone and I do worry about a lot to spend on mobile because I don’t like it. Even my friends from India, they used to call me and I don’t have the habit of calling from my mobile. If I am in my room, then I will use the internet to communicate with all of them, it includes my mother as well. She will not allow me to talk over phone saying that you are earning by staying away from us, please come in online.

I have a dream of achieving everlasting love and I create my own life crowned by hobbies, interests and beneficial passions. This makes you a full lover when you enjoy a complete, interesting life on your own. Create a world of your own. And to my list I added forgiveness. It is always healthy to forgive while you can, disappointments and sadness is a part of life. That was the biggest mistake of my life with her. If I would have avoided her with the first instinct, I would have been a better person now instead of feeling bad about sharing my love with a pig.

Some stupid’s will play with our feelings and we should not entertain those stupid’s. This is where I failed to understand that this is part of passing cloud. I know she is stupid, but I didnt feel that this stupid is playing with my feelings. I didn’t realize that this is a rail sneham. We will meet so many when we travel in a long Train journey. They will be caring for us, when we get down for a tea in a station, they will be worried whether we will get into the train or not, it is may be or may not be out of love. We can’t consider these people as our life-long friends. When we leave the station, we will say a bye and that’s it the friendship comes to an end there.

I guess I have some as friends from this kind of train journey as well. I have some as unknown people, I know them only through my emails.

I can’t forgive her for whatever she has done in my life. I can forgive her for playing with my love but not with my professional life and for playing with my friends and their family. Do you think it is difficult for me to throw this bitch after knowing her real color? When I can avoid talking to my own father who is staying in the same house for years together, it is not a difficult for me to do anything.

Some people find it hard to forgive their partners especially if they happened to catch them cheating on them. The way I was being cheated, I don’t think anyone can forgive her for the way she played with me. But I forgive her for all her mistakes. I can’t forgive her for sharing it with her boss and the way she shared it with you or with another B*****d. What is the need? whatever it is she has to communicate it to me. There is no need for her to talk about me with anyone.

I am of a person who gives personal relationship counseling to my family and friends and she made me to feel that I have to consult some psychiatrist. The way I lost my respect in my family, I can’t forgive her for giving me that pain.

To find a smooth sail in your love life you have to learn to forgive and move on with a clean slate. Accept changes when they arrive instead of fighting the reality. I have done it to the core with her feeling that she is playing, she is doing it unknowingly and even when she said I have done it to get more love from you, I asked her did I disappoint you? When we hear someone is doing something knowing that it will hurt us, even then I asked her the above question even though I was hurt very badly because she did it purposely.

In life change is inevitable. At one time you will be loved, dumped, married, you will have children, become sick and die. You should acknowledge the happenings in life and move through them strongly. No matter how settled you might be it is good to know that things can change in an instant.

Always accept the unexpected. Always find happiness in what you have and be grateful to own what you have. It is a great secret to everlasting love.

Despite the greatest fear and uncertainties of the unknown, when the inevitable things happen you will look back on the good old times and wish that you had been more grateful when things were more colorful.

To enjoy your love life you should give thanks every moment and learn to appreciate the small problems and to forgive the one who hurt us. We experience all this because it is unknown to us they can get worse and sometime probably it will.

To experience how it feels to have everlasting love, we have to create time for each other. Many people who are unhappy keep on postponing time to be together. As busy people get caught up in the many and demanding daily activities and forget to get time to live for today. Neither it was destined to be everlasting nor it was true from her. I failed to understand that her real color during the initial days and for which I am suffering and I will have this pain of hurt till I die. If I do some harm to her, then I can live peacefully, but doing harm to her is like killing myself. 

It will happen to me and you or with everyone. There will always be more laundry, more house chores and more errands to be carried out. To live life to the fullest we have to stop at some point and take time for ourselves and for each other too. There are many duties waiting for us and not .

The precious moments we count in life are achieved by creating time for others against the much pressure of work, busy schedules and with heavy heart, painful situations, with lot of tears and cries. It is not easy to create such short and fleeting moment’s every-day to enjoy everlasting love. It will not happen with everyone also. I did it but she made everything to feel like I have been in garbage. I am feeling that I spent my one year of time with a pig in drainage.

Today is the only gift we have in life and I live like there is no tomorrow. But she made all my tomorrow’s so bad and fearing what will happen tomorrow? Fear of life was given by her and she has to face the punishment from god for giving it to me. My sincere prayers to god is I should not punish her and you do it. I have shown my love and for that I have to punish myself. I am doing it, my love is getting killed inside me. 

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Is Love painful?

Does love cause pain or is it really a feeling caused because of fear? or is it because of the negative emotions caused because of Love? Ideally Love is not painful and it is a pleasant feeling and the fear of love or the negative feelings because of love.

Love is an inconceivable feeling. Love is a beautiful and unbelievable feeling. It makes us to fly in heaven. It never creates pain.
The pain and hurt what we feel doesn’t come from love and it comes from within us on many factors like doubts, fears, anxiety, rejections, possessive nature, distrust, broken trust, envy, jealousy etc. We chunk ourselves with all these feelings and keep saying that love causes pain.  This pain can cause the burden to the heart and I am sure it is not because of the love. Where there is love, there is trust and where there is trust there is no pain. We take all the uncomfortable feelings to our heart and we create chaos.

If we really consider that our relationship is primary and it is important to us, If we value our relationship or the love what we have for the other, then we will not create any turmoil to our relationship. Neither we were taught or educate ourselves that love cannot give pain. All the unwanted feelings are not part of the love. When we are fearful or anger or anxious or jealous, are we experiencing a state of love? We surely feel there is difference in the love .

Love feels warm, Love feels joy, love is felt deep in the heart. Love gives a deep sense of satisfaction Love has to be approached as per the Maslow’s theory (Hierarchy of Needs)

There is a lot of difference between need and want. Love also plays a vital role when it is a wanted relationship and a needed relationship. When you see the love as a wanted relationship you will not have any kind of other ill feelings, even if something crops up, we will say I love it. I will take it easily. When you see the love as a needed relationship, then we allow the pain to enter and play with our heart.

When we enter into a relationship we don’t get into it knowing the good and bad of it. We admire something and fall in love. In reality when we see the changes and we feel that we are very good about ourselves. When we enter in to the love, we become dependent and we expect our love to feel that we need our associate to make us feel good about ourselves. Whether the love is there or not, we were feeling too good about us.  If we would have felt lonely or empty before their entry into our life, we feel that the vacuum is being filled by them and it becomes supreme for us. We fear that space will become empty if they leave, so their staying becomes vital. We become dependent of them and the dependency creates the fear and unhappiness and obviously threat is there in any relationship of leaving the bond.

Either the heart or our mind is not ready to accept that these are not our permanent saviours and they are not here to help us but only to give pain because of the love what you show to them.

We become friends so easily and we fail to keep up it or we give damn to that because we know that they are ours. How a friendship is born?

We meet as strangers. We will talk to the stranger. We get introduced. We admire something in them, we feel some closeness, some comfort feeling, some love, some care etc.,. The stranger will become closer to us, and will become as our friend.  Very few will become special and will become more than everything and some will give the impact of nothing as well.

Stranger will keep on telling that I can’t live without you. I need you to guide me, I need you for this and that and all blah blah.. Initially stranger will say I miss you on on on on & on. . . . .

Everything will be going fine in the friendship. Suddenly they will change with a reason or without a reason. May be they get a new person in their life. In beginning they will tell you about the new person, they will slowly stop talking about that person, they will hide things & stop sharing anything.

If you call they will say I will call you later… I am LITTLE BUSY will talk later. Then they will never call you, you will think that person is busy but ACTUALLY YOU HAVE LOST him/her.. It will take more time for us to realize that the close friend has become a stranger to us. By the time,  we realize that the close friend has become as a stranger, we would have lost ourselves in that friendship.

Don’t bring people close to your heart, because the problem with the close 1 is that, they know where to hit exactly!!

It is better that we should know about ourselves before we enter into any kind of relationship. We are allowing the other person to break our heart. When we start loving others, that moment we become fragile. The moment you enter into any relationship you become weak and vulnerable. You are helpless and you are forced to get the pain because you allowed them to make you weak.

 “Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing Yourself is Enlightenment.”

Who knows more about me? Does a friend knows more about me, my parents, my spouse, my kids ? who knows more about me other than myself. No one is closer than me and I love myself more than any one.

It is very much required to get the clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it). Sometimes we dwell in utopia and want these dreams as a reality.  A dream is just a dream, you can’t make it reality and we should know the difference between the dream and the reality. Loving someone in dreams is not the reality and loving someone in life will never become a dream. If dreams continues then it creates internal dramas and unknown beliefs, and allows unknown thought processes to decide our feelings and actions.

If you think about it, not understanding why you do what you do, and feel what you feel is like going through your life with a stranger’s mind. How do you make wise decisions and choices if you don’t understand why you want and  what you want? It’s a difficult and chaotic way to live never knowing what this stranger is going to do next.

Believe in your friend and accept if the friend becomes as a stranger, and don’t try to dwell with the stranger as the time has changed the stranger’s priority from a friend to a stranger and these friends will never stick on to anyone’s life because they are tresspasser’s.

They were never said to be in our life and it is our mistake that we entertained them to enter into our life.

They know only to hit us in the right place to become more vulnerable and it is not their intention to keep us safely in their heart. They become close with you for their timely needs and at their convenience they will leave you or ditch you.

If ever I say goodbye to anyone, that doesn’t mean that I hate them or I love them no more or I don’t need anymore in my life. It means I want them to be much happier.

If ever I would cry, it’s not only because I lost them, but also because I lost my life’s precious moments without spending with them. I can’t feel that I have lost most precious moments just because of spending my time with them, because they have given me a special feeling of that relationship.

It is very hard to get people with the same attitude and we have to accept what we have got as pain ONLY.

Don’t allow any intruders to ruin your heart. Self-love is the best way to being loving and happy with who you are. Sometimes it is self-esteem and sometimes it will not allow your self-esteem to get hurt as well. Accepting ourselves will make us to feel great and when we get hurt, we can accept with what we have done.

“In Love pain is inevitable which needs to be considered as love only not as pain “

Love itself becomes pain if the other person doesn’t realize the love of the others. But when it is between two understanding hearts, then it is a pleasant pain, when it is love it is pleasant, when we have fear it is pain and we can’t avoid this pleasant pain in any kind of relationship”. What is more matters the value of the relationship, whether it is pleasant or pain? If the pain is more, we will come out of the relationship and if the pain is less, we will try to cope up with the pain as well.

In life when you have to make a choice between the one you love and the one who loves you. Choose the one who loves you. Because you can learn to love someone…. But cannot teach someone to love you!!”

“The experience of love is the same, what changes are our preferences.” 

“Love till it hurts, and when it hurts, love some more and when it hurt some more, love till it hurts no more”

For my kids

Time for parents

Somewhat I have written more on attitude, adverse effect of attitude, feelings, friendship and yet more to come on the same. This time I want to write something for parents. (Hope my sisters will follow)

People around me have never felt that I am a negative person but I was negative person. I changed my attitude from negative to positive and I can feel that I am growing enormously with great strength. By birth god has gifted me the energy to fight but when I was filled with my negative thoughts, I will give up easily and I will change my attitude from trying to win and I will give up I can’t. When I changed my attitude from negative thoughts to positive, my approach for the same problem was “If I can’t then no one can” I have all the strengths to win this situation. Always it is a win-win situation. How we win depends on our mindset.

When I spin my life wheel to go back, I am seeing that all my failures are not that I have to fail. I failed because I have given up easily. Whether it is studies or personal or professional life or my extra-curricular activities, the way I am giving my positive energy, if I would have given the positive thoughts, may be I don’t need to write anything about my experiences, world would be writing it, as it happens for the star personalities.

Fear of Life

God has given all the potentials to all of us. One of the best sense what we have is our brain and most of the time we don’t use it because we were not taught to use it. From childhood we were taught only the fear of life. If you don’t study well, you will not get admission in the famous university. If you don’t do this, you will not get this. But ultimately our aim is to avoid the fear of life, but we inculcate the fear of life in budding age of the kids. We put more burdens on the blooming bud instead of making it to blossom as it wants.  Moreover you can’t expect a rose flower from a jasmine seed and the same with jasmine seed you can’t expect a rose flower. What you sow is what you reap and as a parent, we have to plant positive energy to the kids. We need to educate the kids to succeed and not giving adverse feeling that you will not get this.

Be positive to the kids, if you do this, you will be like this. This will avoid the negative feelings when they are growing and it will cut the burdens as well. Instead of showing the need as a burden, show the need in a positive way, so as the kid can understand and groom themselves. Don’t teach the kids fear of life, try to teach them not to fear for anything.

Don’t enforce your thoughts

I wanted to become a doctor, I could not do it and I want my daughter/son to become a doctor. The same feeling your son/daughter will have in future, I want to become a film director, my parents forced me to become a doctor, and I will enforce my dream in my kid.

We love our kids and this is also true but unsaid truth that we love our kids to be best in all. We want a cricketer, chess master, singer, musician, a bright student, all-rounder, a writer all in one kid. How is it possible? A rose can give only a rose and your kid can either become a Sachin Tendulkar or Viswanath Anand or Music Maestro. To become Sachin Tendulkar, the time and the effort has to be provided. Are you providing the effort? Mere interest of parents is not enough to make a kid a star. Find out what is the interest for them and then find out what is best for them and how to make them successful in their life with the interest what they have?

Don’t compare with others

Never ever compare the kids with others as it will have adverse effect in the minds of the kids. We always do this mistake by saying see how she is or how he is. All the five fingers are not the same and two children of same mother are not same. We know this, but we still do this feeling that this will encourage the kid. In actual, it will give an adverse effect in the minds of the kid that mother always compares with other. She hates me and she loves the other kid more than me. Self-esteem of the kid gets killed at this stage itself. Your kid has a self-esteem, don’t kill it by comparing with others.

The way we start comparing, it starts in the minds of the kids and they also start comparing themselves with others from the blooming stage till end of their life.  We fail to understand that there is always someone – or more likely, a bunch of folks – better than you. You can’t be the best always.

Teach the kids to be “Just be yourself” and “Be Confident”. Is it enough, not really but this gives a positive energy to the kid. If we inculcate the focus of the kids mind to compare life with others they will always find someone newer above them or always better than them. And their self-esteem will take a beating.

Please take a right approach not to compare your kids with others. They are the best and we have to bring out the best from them. That is the prime responsibility of the parents.

Being in the present

Don’t enforce the kid to think about the future. Future is not in our hands and we teach them at early stage what will happen tomorrow? There is no tomorrow. Ask them to live in the present and make their life pleasant. You are there to worry for their tomorrow and their tomorrow will be bright if you plan it according to their strength. Make their everyday a very happy and enjoyable by being a great parent by appreciating them in whatever they do.

Happiness is a habit – cultivate it in the hearts of the children. Don’t teach them to live a mechanical life.