Tag Archive | family

Sweet sixteen @ 40

Biking Experiences

When I in class 6, I used to ride the Luna/Mopeds without anyone and couple of complaints my mother got from the school class teacher and the merchants on the main market road also used to inform my mother. They used to tell her that she is going to die in an accident only. It was not a curse but out of care and affection. I used to tell my mother, tell them not to cry for the death. I will bunk the school and will get caught red handed with mopeds.

Same way, I learned the biking also very early when I was in the class 7 or 8, I was so small and tiny, not even having the capacity to move the bike, but I used to ride it and the balance it well because of my interest, concentration and will power. The First bike was Yamaha-Rx-100 and even now I used to have the same fear in my mind, but I will not show it out and I will ride it as if I am a skilled biker. Only for the Bajaj-M-80 the height issue was not here and for all other bikes like  Yamaha Rx-100 or the latest bikes like Apache, Unicorn or bullets my height is a minus point but I love to ride the bikes irrespective of its heights.

If at all I have to die in an accident, I wish to die when I ride a bike with a helemt and jacket and spot death.

Accidents Taught me Great lessons in life and how I worry about others lives.

An interesting accidents about my two-wheeler stunts are one riding it at 40 kms/hr and dashed it in a lamp-post to save a little girl from hurt, and the M-80 which I was riding was one of my friends and it got hurt badly and even I was hurt. I took the vehicle to a mechanic shop to repair it, but the guy told it will take time to repair it, so I was forced to give it to my friend without repairing it and with an injured face of it. A sad part of life is this friend of mine is no more today because of his biking passion. In the year 2000, drank too much and was riding his new CBZ bike and met with an accident. Luckily he survived in that accident, but died due to some other issues after couple of years.

One more accident also in M-80 and that to save a little boy who was rushing from the opened gate and entered the main road, I applied a sudden brake and got skidded. I fell down, luckily was wearing a helmet and was not hurt. As soon as I got up, I was checking the vehicle and the people who gathered around were scolding me to check whether I am hurt. This time it was in my own bike and I was very cautious about the maintenance of my vehicles.

Another accident was while I was standing for a signal, I don’t know how I fell down and the reason for it was a guy in a bi-cycle. Even this time, I was not ready to see or whether I got any hurt or not, I rushed to office. As soon as I reached, I was limping while walking and a colleague was making fun without knowing that I met with an accident. Literally I was in tears and told my boss that I met with an accident. Everyone scolded and asked me to check what happened. This was a kind of major accident for me, a piece of flesh was out on top of my left knee. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was shocked to see the flesh out and I told him that accident happened 10 mins back only but it happened 1 hour back. He was literally shocked and asked me to consult an ortho and he said there will be some crack, she needs to be in bed rest for 2 weeks.

I told the doctor, I am perfectly alright, my tears are after seeing the flesh out and it is out of scare not because of pain, just do the stitching and I will be back to office. But my boss asked the ortho-appointment immediately and a young hero kind of doctor again visited me to check my leg, he did small tests and said she is lucky looks like everything is fine. If any swelling is there, do take an X-ray immediately. Otherwise just go with pain killers.

Then the physician did the stitching and I went to office, everyone was feeling as if I had a fracture in my leg. I called up couple of my friends and asked them is it possible for them to come out of their offices. Both of them said yes afternoon we will meet. I told them to come to a movie hall to watch a movie and I told my boss, I want to go home now.

As he knows that the medicines are heavy, he said you will feel drowsy, so go home and take rest, no need to come for 2-3 days. I told him, I will update him the next day and went home. I had my afternoon lunch at home and then told my granny that I am going to watch a movie with friends. She started scolding and screaming, I told her that I came from office just to watch the movie not to feel that I got hurt or I am not capable of working.

Now my friends would have got the movie tickets and I want to go and watch it. I called up my friends and they were still in office. So I told them I will come and pick them and one of them said, she will walk down to the theater as her office was nearby. Sometimes Accidents are good to take a break from your regular routines.

One accident which I can’t forget in my life was with my father. He was riding the bike and due to some reason, we fell down, I think because of the sun glaze. Heavy bleeding in my fathers foot and little scratches in my hands, after seeing the blood I got giddy and fainted. My father ran to the nearest shop to get water with that blood. After waking up, i said blood, he said nothing, don’t get scared for this. Don’t tell the world that you fainted because everyone around you thinks that you are very bold lady.

Yes I am bold lady, when it is the blood of others, but when it is your own, you will not know what to do. There is a proverb in Tamil, Thaan aadavittalum than thasai aadum… I realized it on that day.

Most interesting thing from the biking experience is my friends and the way they all supported and supporting me.

Three of my friends bought new bikes on the same day and all the three wanted me to pick up their new bikes from the show room. We were five friends and all of us went to the shop, took the first bike for a friend and I was the one to ride the new bike and dropped it in my friend’s house and we continued the same exercise for all the 3 friends. Five of us will go to the show room and I will start the bike and bring it to their home. (I guess I will be the only one to ride 3 new Hero-Honda – Splendour from the same show room in a day)  – If I am not wrong this should be in 2000. A new Bike TVS Fiero also has given me the opportunity to ride it with a new registration board.

Then we all went to the temple to follow the religious sentiments. That was really a great honor to me as a friend from all the 3 guys. I will cherish that moment all my life and I don’t know any where about’s of two of them and the other friend said, I just sold the bike because of its condition as it was almost 13-14 years old.

This is not the only case, I know for sure there are many friends who will not give their bikes to anyone but they will give it to me for the first ride or without any issues. There were some guys used to fight that how come you are giving your bike only to her and not to us kind of.

Some experiences are treasures of life which I have to lock it in my memories. Sharing this makes me to smile from my heart. Life is beautiful to look back and I feel so fresh and thinking that how many good friends and how they all made it beautiful. It can’t be beautiful only with me and without all these good friends.

One of the reason for me to stay happy is my friends and because of the same friends I used to get hurt badly also. But I used to recoup with a new set of friends or group of people. The best ever happenings in my life is my friends circle and the way I used to keep it up, thanks for those who are there in all my good and bad times and providing the dignity and  serenity of friendship.

Passion for work will continue…..


Sweet 16 @ Forty

Today is one of my friends Birthday – Best Friend – Happy Birthday to you, Love you and miss you dear.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

Funny thing to look back your life when you are in forty. I have to say thanks to god that I got the time to look back it. One important factor for me to be happy, smiling is I live my life and I am not living it as a forced life. For most of them, they take their life at forties as forced life, by thinking about their kids education, marriage, or about their house loans, and other commitments.

I am living a most satisfied life and I started the savings habit when I was in my school days, and it is still their. Only I know that I was having the helping nature from my school days, whatever I used to have with me, I will distribute it to others. A boy studied with me used to do paintings very nicely, but he was not able to get the acrylic colors and without a need, i bought it and shared it with him to develop his painting interest. I don’t know where he is and how he is also, but I still remember him by that short black boy and his name was karthikeyan.

I think and whatever is there in my memory, I was notorious only. At the age 7, I started riding the bi-cycle on road. I remember that most of the girls and boys in my area learned cycling through me and my effort & guidance. I don’t even remember that children of that age will not try to leave the hands and ride the cycle, but I tried to leave one hand and I was able to balance the cycle and next day I tried to do it leaving both the hands, without the knowledge that the cycle was too heavy for me to balance and it was not a small bicycle to do my gymnastics in it. When the cycle size increased, my height was not increased and I was forced to fall down and get hurt.

Foolish mind never got settled with the hurt in one hand, leg, once again tried and in the same place i fell down and got hurt in the same way in the other hand also. After Two days i realized that it was not only the balance issue, there was more sand in that particular place and because of which the cycle speed was getting reduced suddenly as if i applied a sudden brake. I do repeat the same mistakes even now and get hurt again and again, but with a smile saying that I know it is going to hurt.

I have to say both cycling and biking are my passion and I can’t give up both for any reasons. What all naughtiness I have done with my cycles…

Earlier I used to use the rental cycles and when I was in my class 5 I got the first cycle, Hercules Captain and a huge hero ladies cycle. Both sisters used to go together and come together.

Before class 5 we used to practice cycling on road with my mother’s used old bi-cycle.

During my 9th I got the Standard the craze of BSA SLR trendy cycle – the love for that cycle is flying in a high speed to reach home as first person is one of the wonderful feeling. Secondly, coming as a slow cyclist along with the friends who used to walk to their houses is one awesome experience, especially when my friends used to scold me, either go fast or walk with us and don’t do this slow cycling with us. I love it and the feeling of thinking about it makes me to bring a big smile, a teenager smile.

The happiest moments of my cycling life was carrying a huge water can to school almost 5 or 7 ltrs of water. We used to go to school as a group close to 7 or 8 kilometers one way and all of them will finish their 1 Ltr of water bottle half the way or close to school. I think Sharing has started when I was in my school days.

Apart from carrying the water bottles, the way I used to carry the cricket bat and badminton rackets in my cycle makes me to feel that I miss that golden age. I want to go back and start my life as a sports personality which I could not do it because of being born in a small middle class family.

Even now I feel that I want to go in a bi-cycle with a cricket bat on it or a badminton racket in it.

My Passions are not only with my cycles, it got extended to Mopeds, Bikes….

Biking Experiences will continue…..

Sweet Sixteen @ furious forty

When I was thinking hard for a title to write, my sister asked me to write about myself. Whatever I say, it is all about me only. Whether it is about love, passion, kindness, hatred, profession, colleagues, debates etc., all are part of my life. 

This time, I thought I have to take time to say about me but in others eyes. I would like to share the profound insights of how I was and how I am – Profound Transformation of Sweet Sixteen When I am @ 40. My energy level is of 16 and my thoughts of life is par above forty.

Most of my friends feel that I am blessed and the happiest person in the world. Yes I am, but to be a blessed person or to be the happiest person, it doesn’t come easily to anyone or by chance. It is a choice taken by every individual. Choice is controlled by us and executed with our energy and exact event and chance is not controlled, and chance is by luck and of uncertain factors.

Whether it is love, care, affection I give a lot. What do you get is what most of them ask me, yes for sure hurt only from everyone, but still I do it. Because we never know what kind of situation the other person is going through, a kind gesture, simple smile, caring word, ears to listen can make them to feel better from their situation, which in turn can make them to feel that there is someone for them and can provide them the strength to live their life and to face their struggles with a smile.

 Why should I do? 

This is the million dollar question for which i don’t have a straight forward answer. I know the pain of not having it. I should say that this is a Journey that inspired me when I got the support from my family, friends, extended family, and colleagues when I was to be abandoned, not to be cared, not to be tolerated. Whatever people have seen me in the last 10 years is a total refinement of my age, experience, and quality people around me. 

I was very arrogant, wild and adamant as like all others and even now I have all these but I chose to be forgiving than to keep my self-hurting or considering for a revenge. What all negative qualities that are not required to be with a female, you can see all of it in me.

Today, I am not ashamed to say it, because of the way I changed my attitude towards life. Most of the time, I am away from my family and the change was required in me to have some people around me. Attitude towards life changed when you start your travel alone. You will love everything and start feeling to share everything you own to others because you don’t have to save it for your next generation or to anyone else.

The world becomes your relatives and a stranger becomes your friend and a friend becomes relative. I choose to be happy and Life is a cycle, comes with the birth and death. What we do in between matters and I started to do what matters to me.

Even now with full of tears in my eyes, I will say that I am happy because I know that tears is not because of some stupid reason but full of feelings for someone in this world. Occasionally I do shed because of anger, but it is part of life.

Of course I learned the best of life from my mother. Even though she was not having any reason to smile, she used to have a smiling face all the time. She was very beautiful and one of my cousin used to tease us by asking my mother, none of your daughters are closer to your beauty. 

The care and affection at the right age was not available to all 3 of us, because my mother was working and it is not like today’s era, to have everything at one phone call. She needs to travel close to 4 hours in a day and 9 hours of working, by the time she reach home, most of the days I would have slept. Same way our mornings were in hurry bury to get ready to school and office. 

After School, we used to open the doors Big NAV-TAL Lock, and we will change our uniforms, without anyone we will do our home works. Most of the time, we were taken care by the neighbors. of course my maternal relatives were helping in taking care of us, because none of them were able to guide us properly or to take our talents in positive directions. (a typical middle class family)

Hemant once asked me, @ forty you are so naughty, and how you would have dured your childhood days? Naughty, beauty etc., are sort of comments because of the transformation what happened in me. Over the time, everyone will get this transformation. They will choose to be spiritual and I chose to live my life with happiness (I am spiritual, but I don’t do lot of things related to spiritual activities. I keep my mind and body clean. When your mind is clean, your heart will be filled with joy. Again, Happiness is a choice and not a chance.

It is very hard to predict me, when someone things that I will get collapsed for a hard situation, but I will take it easily, for the things which I have to take it lightly, I will make it as big hue and cry.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.


Vacation-al husbands-3

The reason for the above question is not based on assumptions; it is based on experiences I am facing with this dirty world. Now a days guys are very open and freeky to question to a woman who is married/divorced or single to ask her can you live with me in a relationship ( this means like a wife but I can’t marry you).

Aren’t we giving the chance for the spouse to make mistakes by allowing them to live alone for the sake of economic development or for his career/professional growth?

I am not saying all guys are wrong, out of 90% of friends 1% would have tried the above question with me and I have all the rights to say this to the fellow females not to allow their husbands to stay away from them for any reason. It is their choice and even the female can go and live with anyone.

For economic conditions sake, they will do anything and they don’t want to keep the promise what the marriage says to them. Neither they are sharing their life’s joy and sorrow with each other. They want to share their happiness in terms of money not in terms of caring for each other with lovable, affectionate and caring ways.

Main reason for posting this article is not to hurt anyone’s feelings or to pin point anyone’s mistakes, but to say that it is world of rubbish people around us and what we need is what we have to decide and I don’t know what these friends of mine really feel as blessed or living a life of perfection. As they condemn others at their back.

Whether the relationship between a husband and wife are going on fantastic or not, if the husband is not living with a female, then the life of the female will undergo many critics in her life. Without doing any mistakes, the female has to go for Agni pariksha as like the Sita of Ramayana. Agni pariksha for Sita happened long long ago and the same continues for all the females, even though we call this world is changed, revolution, rebellions, technology etc., but nothing changes the minds of the men(Indian men).

Whether it is having doubt on his wife or calling a female to his bed it is by men only but the effect of it goes only for the female not for the men.

It is easy for a colleague to give filthy comment with a boss about a female who lives single after marriage because he knows that husband is not around and if the female is little closer or even if she talks casually with someone and avoids others for some personal reason, the guys take advantage to hurt the female by talking rubbish. It is easy for them to handle it in that way and to play with the weakness of a female.  the same comments he will not pass with the same female if the female is living with her husband, because the value of the marriage lies in that home where the guy lives and in the heart of the female.

A husband has to stay with the wife to make the love and romance of their life to exist till end of their life. “Love doesn’t sit in a heart like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made every day, made new.”

Female will get all the desired gifts with the money earned by her husband or by herself, but the precious gift of admiration can only be done by a husband. If that also has to be done by her colleagues and others then what is the need for this husband.

This distance provides two scenario’s in their life.

Love grows in the heart of the couples when the distance is for short-term (mostly with women)

Out of sight and out of mind (mostly with men) comes when the separation is meant for long-term or destined to be forever conditions. (most of the women also takes this as a chance to flirt with other men because why boys should have all the fun, let me also date with another lady’s husband)

Both men and women get engaged in their routine and for the fascinating life, they try to expose their positive sides to those who are around and start with flirting and if it works out , they get into an extra marital affairs.

In most of the cases the physical separation of husband and wives leads to have one or more affairs only whether it is for the pleasure or due to the pressure of the current atmosphere GOK (God only knows).

I believe such a separation for economic reasons, has to be avoided.

Is it the same case with all the couples? Certainly not, because the couples who has got kids and have spent their life for 4-6 years together, it varies with them. It is mostly dependent on the individuals and the love they have for each other. When it is for the welfare of the kids, I believe in true love and it will increase the love irrespective of the distance.

Above all these men will not prefer to leave their wife and kids for the sake of money, and they will try to bring them along with him or he will make a frequent trip to meet them. Those who are money minded and who prefers wife as luxury item doesn’t need to get married and they can make their luxury or the needs to satisfy them with the money what they earn than to spoil the other female’s life.

I wanted to wind up this content with a short and sweet note in a different way, but I have to thank those who provoked me to share the actual thought what was going on in my mind. Before talking about others, they have to think about themselves and they have to correct them. I tried to explain it to my friend based on my experience and not on others experiences.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness.”

The real joy of marriage is being together, with each other……..being able to connect, then fight, then connect and cuddle providing the happiness of being in the arms of each other after the fight every now and then is what makes the marriages to survive.

Years of separation from each other, certainly deprives both men and women, the joy of being together……..and being in companionship. No letter connection, no email connection, no online chat connection can substitute the real togetherness.

If someone says we will do all these over phone and internet, then it is better to marry a photo than a human.

“What I love most about my home is with whom I share it with.”  – now I find these men and women share it with their ipad, laptop, black berry, smart phones and skypes not with the wife/kids/parents/friends. Even if we scream or shout at their ears, it will not enter into their head and heart, till the time they lose something valuable in their life.

If someone prefers to learn only they can learn otherwise Time will teach them a big lesson.


Vacational Husbands

Is it the economy playing a role or the freedom for female playing the role? What the “F” is happening??

Is it only money matters or something else?

The main reason for me to write about this is because of my colleagues wife was forced to talk with me and the way she was sharing her feelings about her husband was really shocking. Is it because of in security or because of her love, care, affection or expectations of care and affection from her husband or whether she suspects him or she suspects all those who work with him? Leaving her in home country and working in a different country has given bad name for him or for those ladies who work with him? It was really a sarcastic situations, but god has given the gift to handle it politely and diligently.

The strong reason I felt that I have to write about this is because the trend is growing rapidly and I have not seen these kinds of trends with my parents era or before that also. I have seen couples living together even when their economic condition badly force them to live separately. They wouldn’t live apart for any reason. It is not the matter of sex but it is part of their love and care for each other.

Especially in Tamilnadu, I have seen that men and women spending 3 to 4 hours in a day by train and going back to their home to live with their family. It will be either for the sake of the kids or for any reason, but they were not staying as single, leaving their responsibilities as husband/son/father/brother at home.

I know people who travel for their jobs during the week and return home on the weekends but living apart.

I am not against living single life for the sake of economic upliftment for the sake of family. But if it is by a brother/son for the sake of family to get his sisters married, or for the happiness of their parents, I certainly agree with them.

The couples whom I have come across in the recent times doesn’t have any such commitments and for the sake of building a Villa or to have a luxury flat for the wife, leaving the wife and living single life is not advisable for any man.

Whether buying a flat for a wife or living with her in a flat what makes a man happy matters most? Especially leaving a newly wedded wife and leaving the country or living for the sake of money – then there is no need for these two people to get united in the name of marriage.

If these guys leave the wives when the wife needs them the most and what if something goes wrong in her life? Who is responsible for the needs of the female? The guy can say that I have gone to make money for you, but what is the use of that money when she is no longer interested to live with you because you don’t have time for her personal and physical needs.

Being single is a great achievement for both of them on these conditions and it is really tough for both of them to live a single life after getting married. They need each other in their day-today routines. There will be many people at home to take care of the wife and the guy will be surrounded by many friends, but all these are not like the one who has to do everything for her/him.

She can take the help of her brother/sister for her basic needs, she can take help of the spouse brother/sisters for family needs, but what will she do for her physical needs which a spouse is supposed to do for her? She can ask her sister to accompany her to select a saree for her, but the beauty of wearing that saree has to be appreciated by the spouse not by the spouse’s brother. What is the fun of getting a new saree or anything with the money what the spouse sends from a far of country?

What is the best happiness for a female is being with the husband and the minutes what they spend together, whether it is to buy a Dior/CK perfume or a Gold Ornament or the potato or  a piece of meat for the next day curry with her husband makes the proudest moment for her.

The best moment for a husband is to gift something to his wife either as a surprise or as pre-planned but to see her happiness eyes shedding a tear with smiles. A sweet hug when he handover the gift to her. These husbands will say that they will hug their wives in Skype or will you arrange someone else for it?

Forget about gifts, to share a happy news that he/she got promotion or increment or an appreciation who will be the first one to come in to our mind, only spouse. What is the use of getting an increment or appreciation when you can’t share it at that moment with your spouse. You can wait for few hours if the person is in the same place to share it with him/her. But waiting to reach him through mobile as he will be busy in his office or she will be in a meeting, does it makes worth of your marriage?

She can do shopping with 100 people but the happiness lies when she sees the smile from her man and if a woman is ready to miss it for the sake of money, then it is really a worst gift what she can offer to her husband.

What if the guy starts living with other female or marries another female with whom he gets attracted with or for his physical needs?

“The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It’s focused attention.”

The reason for the above question is not based on assumptions; it is based on experiences I am facing with this dirty world. Now a days guys are very open and freaky to question to a woman who is married/divorced or single to ask her can you live with me in a relationship ( this means like a wife but I can’t marry you).

Aren’t we giving the chance for the spouse to make mistakes by allowing them to live alone for the sake of economic development or for his career/professional growth?

I am not saying all guys are wrong, out of 90% of friends 1% would have tried the above question with me and I have all the rights to say this to the fellow females not to allow their husbands to stay away from them for any reason. It is their choice and even the female can go and live with anyone.

For economic conditions sake, they will do anything and they don’t want to keep the promise what the marriage says to them. Neither they are sharing their life’s joy and sorrow with each other. They want to share their happiness in terms of money not in terms of caring for each other with lovable, affectionate and caring ways.


4th Anniversary – Love,Touch, Heal

This article is especially dedicated to the women who made my life so bright. It will look little sarcastic at this point of time, but it is really a sincere dedication because for giving the wonderful feeling of life.

Hey Its your 4th Anniversary, a happy time and am not nearby you to say Happy Anniversary my dear. I am really happy that you completed 4 years in one company because I feel that you get bored with people very soon. But at least that company has given you the pleasure to be with it. May god bless you. Last year I was not aware that this day was your anniversary, but this year you are not interested to get wishes from someone who loves you.

I started this article to post it on Women’s day but that would have been the sarcastic post. Since I remembered that anniversary is coming, I thought let me post it to wish you almost in virtual.

Hey I remember, that first days you told me that you were telling about me to your husband and he told you that “He wants to see some changes in you because of me”. Tell him that I too failed like all others. I accepted my failure to you and started to move on.


None of the contents are exaggerated or unrealistic and most of my readers/friends were feeling happy for sharing my feelings, but all were painful stories and even the pleasant memories turned up as painful stories. But these painful stories I have taken all of it as pleasant because nobody in the world can give me this much happiness and for that pleasant moment, let me take all the pains as pleasant memories.

Through stories of the real people’s lives, we explore our life transforming, healing potential of touch and through psychotherapy. When I started writing, I was in deep pain, but I came to know that the more I write I was able to feel relaxed because venting out is a kind of meditation.  

Whatever stories I have posted in my blog are excerpts of real cases and a realistic happenings or happened things in my life, emotional reactions. I can’t lie and I can’t hurt someone with lies, but I can hurt you with the truth. Always one’s pain is another’s gain and explaining my pain and the way I got hurts will hurt you. 

All of us are voyagers on a life path back to completeness. Some will try to complete their life in 20’s and some in 30’s some in 40’s and some will never try to do it. Here the complete means meaningful and not the death. Death will come only when it is destined to us.

I can think many more as my kids, but I will not be sharing that feeling with them or I will get an aversion of pain ahead of my love and care for them what you have given me. When I speak to Vandana, She used to say that don’t think that I will do like her. Her name meaning may be unique, but she is not unique, but I will show that I am not like her. I can make sure that you will not get hurt because of me.

My SAD You gave me the comfort to share it with you and I have to dedicate this for you. Whatever pain I have got from you is all because of the comfort what you have given to me. I have to go through this pain all through my life for accepting and sharing my love to you as my kid.

Love Me, Touched Me, Healed Me

This topic is nothing much great but I am going to share on this because it is not easy to do all these three by one.

Love happens with someone, touching happens with the other and the healing happens with the divine touch of god only through someone.

I mean to say that we love someone, get hurt by them and touched by someone else to get cured from it, through the healing power of god.

Love me for who I am is the normal saying but I love you for who you are and not for what I got an heavy punishment from god to you, but sometimes even if you love someone with their bad attitudes, they will not understand your love. I accepted the way you are and you failed to accept me in the way I am.

Love is the greatest and heavenly feeling if it is shared with right people. Love is patient, kind, unyielding, enduring, committed, dedicated and unwavering. Love doesn’t give pain and it overcomes all obstacles.  But what most of us have called love, our human concepts and humanity is to love and care for others, ownership – feeling the other person like us.

If you are selfish and what is in it for me attitude or with self-consciousness, insecurity, doubt and emotional upheaval.  True love, unconditional love, a higher state of love, is limitless, boundless, and the maximum creative power of the universe but is not possible with one person. Everything can be given only if the other person accepts it without any self-feeling.

Love – you are the one who can say that I will accept it when I feel like accepting. I am not selling it, so as you can buy it from me.

Touched me – Those who touched my soul for being the way I am and I was given a chance by someone whom I love to understand that I am being touched by so many wonderful men and women’s in my life. I hope my friends knows the difference between the love and lust.

Lust is not Love Baby

Lust is not Love Baby

This touching has nothing to explore our own bodily sensations, needs or lust, cravings, desires and pleasures.  This touch is the touching the soul and not the external/ physical touch. It is the touch by the feelings and the way you touched with Love. I can’t feel it so much without your touch. Even now I can’t accept that it is acting by you, but if it is real, it will not vanish. How could you act so much perfectly to make me feel that it is real?

Our personal thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, memories and dreams shared with me in a different ways to give the healing and loving touch, the most profoundly sensational touch, touch that you all brought to have the smiles in my life and most importantly not ignoring me for the way I was feeling, caring or showing my love for the other woman.

Most of the time I focused on my problems thinking the possible causes, recalling in detail the many ways which gave me that I have done all the mistakes and I felt that I was wrong. 

I was not able to heal myself was not ready to focus towards healing and letting her go, and moving toward creating what I truly desire. I felt like I have only one hold in my life and letting her go will make me to feel am dead.

Yes it is true to great extent, but before her entry I was living my life and I have not spent so much time with her in person. It was only virtual and even now I can have her in virtual. This time I don’t need to communicate with her virtually but still I can communicate with her as she dwells in me and she is not ready to go out of me.

The butterflies were not flying in my heart but I felt it in each cell of body when it is for you. The love has a special touch and the way you gave it for me, it is really touching.

Main reason is I was in a different dimension and the way I got betrayed was totally affecting my ambition, career, life fulfillment and because of a small change in my personal life, it has given a very bad impact in all the hemispheres of my life. Since I gave her the name as my smile, when I smile a drop of tear touches me. This is how you have touched me.

Totally devastated from all my dreams, goals, achievements and whatever I have gained I lost everything because of one betrayal.

My dear friends, all of you will be reminded, over and over, to bring that touch back in my own life, so that I can fully feel the healing and loving touch with all your support and with others friends as well.


Healing happens to us the moment we are ready to get healed only. Healing happens in every moment, in every cell and organ of our body.  Healing in betrayal by your love takes long time, it is very difficult to get healed with others love. We know that it is not destined and we should not cry for the one who entered our life and left without any reason. If someone leaves with reason, it is little easy to take the pain but someone leaving without a reason or without even letting you know the reason is kind of living in a hell. It is stupidity of heart and mind longs and feels for the love which made us to feel our life as miserable.

Thanks for those who shared their Love, touch and for being with me and those who touched with love, I feel that I am healing. I will but the scar will stay till my death.

Thank you very much for the wonderful hearts who supported me in the process of healing, I discovered the truth, to face my inner spirit, and I begin to know my connection is not limited to one soul.

I know for sure that I missed so many golden opportunities to be a healer to others in their problem as I was dwelling in my sorrow. It is nothing like someone died leaving me all alone and I can’t even feel that much pain even if someone I love the most dies also, because I know that is the fact of our life. Birth and death are not in our control, other than the birth and death everything is in our control.

What we believe about healing, how we have healed our self and others, I have not given the chance for many people to make me heal because I know for sure that I will get lost with them again and I don’t want to create any more bonds with anyone. I was thinking too much on healing in different forms with smoke, with alcohols, our intimate relationships, our sexuality… but none of it would have worked…

I know for sure all the above will give me some relaxations but it is not the permanent cure for my sickness, because the sickness is not in body, it is in my heart and mind. Both don’t need any of those. I just need to give the time to heal myself.

Still for those who were behind me in my healing process, I thank you all for the beautiful love, touch and healing therapy from you all.

Holy Prophet Muhammad al Mustafā (S.A.W.W) said:

“Three things ruin man and three things save him. The three things that ruin man are stinginess, following selfish desires and conceit. The three things that save man are fearing Allah (s.w.t) in public and in private, moderation at times of affluence and poverty, and being just at times of anger and contentment.”

[Reference: Mishkat ul-Anwar, Sec 8, Chp 4, Hadees 1826]

This is common in all the religion and I wish someone to follow it whole heartily and pray sincerely to the almighty to give that serenity to you that when you bow down, let it be with a sincere heart and true love and honesty in your mind. May peace be with you all through your life. Amen

God’s of the Earth

Angels of my life

I waited a long to write a blog about my mother, but this is a special one as it comes as part of my first blog for the year 2013.

I truly believe in god and he knows we need his guidance, so he sends us angels.  We used to travel all through our life with these angels.

When we are young, we have the angel in the name of MOTHER, who protects us with love, care and concern. Mother – An ultimate God in the earth to make this earth as HEAVEN.


Being a working woman, I got the chance to I enjoy living with her rarely and occasionally due to personal family commitments and problems. But feeling so great to be her daughter and proud that she is my mother. Whatever I am today is all because of her great attitude. What a kind of protection these mothers give us?

Oh God, even you will fail in front of mothers because, as god you know to create but Mothers they make people to live. The reason why I said they are the ultimate god in the earth is because they know the pain of having a kid, how difficult it is to deliver a kid, how difficult is to take care of the kid – everything seems to be difficult but they do it with a SMILE and they over rejoice it.. How is it possible?

I know as a daughter how difficult I was to my mother and even after 37 years, she treats me as like a new-born kid. Only my mother can think like this. I am so blessed to have you as my mother and I am so blessed that I know the value of my mother and Amma, you are so blessed to know that your value is being noticed when you are alive.

I know I would not have been to this level if I have not enjoyed your love. People around me regard me and my love as great, but all my love, care and concern, I have got it from my Mother. All my fame and name is dedicated to my mother and I have to consider two more along with my mother, my Granny (Mom’s Mother) and my Chithi (mom’s younger sister).

People who know all the three will say that I have all the good qualities of these 3 great women. I really admire these 3 women from my family and I don’t think I can give more credits which influenced me to be of what I am today from outside world. I do have all the negatives of them as well (hehehehe), its obvious when we feel someone as idol, we will have all the plus and minus of them.

Love for my family, Care for my family has come from my Chithi and Love for the stranger, care for a stranger from my mother and to live a selfless love in life from my granny. I feel I am so blessed to have such people around me.

Chithi, I know I have the anger or being fierce to our family like you, but only those who know us closely knows that the anger whatever we have is because of our love towards them.

I have to say about boldness, all my friends used to say that I am very bold, but I used to feel that I don’t even have 10% of my Chithi. What a lady she is…

When I look back about her, the way she used to carry the weights like anything in her bicycle. As a lovely mother, the way she used to take care of the family and the way she was taking care of my Chitappa when he was sick… I don’t think anybody can do it. He used to fall sick in the mid night and she will take him to a hospital in her two wheeler in the mid night.

My friends used to admire me when I help others and it is not developed by me, it is in my blood and I got this from my mother. I have to feel proud that my mother used to do it in spite of having 3 daughters and I am not like her. I do because I don’t have any other commitments for me.

I used to feel that I will be missing my granny after her death, but I know that I don’t miss her because she is in me. I have great strength from you. I do miss you granny only during the festivals. I know I have not celebrated any festivals in the last 3 years.

In this selfish world, I have seen people with personal favorites and personal attention only for their family. Here the family means the first relations (parents and siblings) because in my dictionary when I say my family loves it includes all my first and second level. When I say that my family has high respect and love for me means more because it is not only from the first and second, it includes the third level as well. All of this is because of the above three lovable caring and adoring personalities.

My Granny, she knows only to love people. She doesn’t know these worldly treasures. She has spent all her life in dedicating to her own people and to strangers as well.

I learned only a few things from my mother just by her earthly treasures of mine, her thriftiness and it is really amazing how much things cost back in the eighties, her deep empathy and compassion for people. She never used to think about her other than thinking about her daughters and her family.

When it comes to the society,  She never met a stranger, and was always eager to flash a smile.  When I smile at a stranger, I will feel that my mother will act so.

Although I never really got to have the touch of my mother in life for long time when I was a kid, but I felt her love and care, she was always at all my events. Whatever I do now, I know I can feel her touch in my life. If I miss my mother’s touch, then definitely I will have the touch of either my Chithi or my Granny.

Thank you Amma for giving me life, Thank you for guiding me without pointing my mistakes, thank you for your support in all my bad times and thank you for showing your love and care when I least deserve it from you. I have to thank you all through my life.

Chithi, Thank you for being an inspiration to me and making me as inspiration to all my friends. Thank you granny for blessing me, protecting me, and loving me always, even my mother would have felt bad of me at certain point of time, but you are the one who would not have felt bad at any point of time.

I know all of you have been successful in guiding me but I have not shown any honor or respect or love or gratitude for the support what I have received from you all. A mere thanks will not be enough but to show my love and care for you all through our life.

I never felt bad for leading a life without commitment, but when I write about the leading women from my family, I really feel bad because if i would have got a daughter, may be I can make all these great women to feel more happy and to guide my daughter with what I have learned from my granny. I feel that all my good things will die with me.

I will never forget all the good deeds learned from you all and hope to be like you in my next birth. I have seen the Heaven through these angels or the god’s of earth.