Tag Archive | distrust

Knowingly Hurting Others

As per Hinduism – Karma – What I feel about hurt and the punishments

Everything in the world happens with a reason and which is called as KARMA. Be it a good deed or bad deed, it happens only because of our Karma and I strongly believe that I have good karma otherwise I will not be in such a situation to write something about good and bad.

Physically anyone can hurt us. Mentally no one can hurt us. If we are mentally hurt WE ALONE are responsible and no one can be blamed or responsible, because we give them the liberty to play with our heart. We allow them to enter into our heart and to play with us. It is easy for us to stop in the beginning not to allow them to enter the heart by saying that you are a stranger and please stand outside my entrance and do ask me whatever you want.When I rejoiced the good moments, it is time for me to accept the bad time as well. I allowed you to enter it and I have to suffer it.

We are born to live our life and we are not here to correct ANYONE. WE can’t expect the changes in the other people and The ONLY person who is in our control is ourselves. We can correct and control ourselves only and NOT anyone else. No matter what you explain or recommend, suggest nothing will work for them and we will be considered as fool of an ass only. Everyone will prefer to do what they want to do.

We are allowed to communicate or explain but NOT teach (because you cannot teach anyone anything unless that person accepts you as a teacher) that you are getting hurt. It is not my responsibility to teach.

As human, it is very difficult to accept anything which hurts us and it is very difficult to accept that we failed to understand other person nature it becomes worse. Especially when someone ditches or cheats or betrays us, then it is too difficult to accept that we were being betrayed by the one we trusted much. The pain is not because that we were being betrayed, it is be because we trusted them too much. It is not easy to accept the failure that we allowed them to cheat us.

Most of the times, when I am under stress or dilemma or when I know that what I am going to do is going to hurt someone, then I will leave it to god’s decision and when I was about to send some things back to someone I checked in the same way with my god. My god didn’t ask me to stop my action and he gave the below message for me. I took it as granted message from god and sent it. but somehow I feel and repent for it, because I know I have done a sin by hurting other person. I don’t know whether that person will get hurt for this or not also, maybe she will feel happy also, but I am killing myself for sending it back.

6-jan-sai

I used to say that I allowed you to play with me and If at all something goes wrong I have to suffer and it is my fate only. Yes it is my karma, I felt that you are a blessing and today I felt that it is karma and it is a curse that I have to reap from my previous births.

Whether we accept the difficult situation with or without reacting has no bearing on burning our bad past karma. For example, if someone hits me, I am getting the punishment for my past bad deed. If I hit him back, then I accumulate more bad karma.

When you started hurting me, I should have done whatever possible to avoid getting hurt repeatedly. Without hurting back I tried to do whatever possible to prevent getting  hurt from you. I have told you many times that I am getting hurt and also I told you that I do not expect you to change your attitude just because I am expressing.

When I know that you are intentionally trying to hurt me, I tried to urge you by admitting that I am getting hurt. So you started hurting me more and more without a limit. It was my mistake only

Without hurting you, I tried to react either saying sorry or telling you ‘please do not hurt me’, I do not accumulate more bad karma. This kind of reaction is OK. Not reacting is also ok, if the situation warrants. As long as we do not hurt other by the way of our reaction, it is fine. Ideally it was my mistake only because, knowing your certain qualities, I should have avoided the bad company or moved with some good people.

I tried not to do it for so long time and thought I can sew the good deeds in you, but you made me to do some sins because of you and I know for sure am accountable for it and I don’t know how I will repay for this sin. Either I will be given punishment immediately or I will meet another bad situation later on since I have done the hurt back.

I learned it is better to be self-centered (too much selfishness is not good for anyone). It is wrong to live for others only as well. Everyone should take care of themselves first before attempting to help others. Hurting ourselves in helping others is our mistake. Loving others by hurting ourselves is our mistake.

Whether we like it or not everyone is selfish. Some fools like me will not accept this fact. They may serve others and make sacrifices…I do so because it gives me more happiness. I need to do what is good for myself without wondering how the other person will feel is a selfish deed only. I used to feel that I should never hurt others. That is the base line.

In general, if you hurt others you have to suffer the result but if you love others and help others also you have to suffer the result is what I learned from you.

Only thing what karma or punishment says about selfishness is without hurting others you can be selfish. (Ideally being selfish will definitely hurt others and for hurting others we have to face the consequences).

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Is Love painful?

Does love cause pain or is it really a feeling caused because of fear? or is it because of the negative emotions caused because of Love? Ideally Love is not painful and it is a pleasant feeling and the fear of love or the negative feelings because of love.

Love is an inconceivable feeling. Love is a beautiful and unbelievable feeling. It makes us to fly in heaven. It never creates pain.
The pain and hurt what we feel doesn’t come from love and it comes from within us on many factors like doubts, fears, anxiety, rejections, possessive nature, distrust, broken trust, envy, jealousy etc. We chunk ourselves with all these feelings and keep saying that love causes pain.  This pain can cause the burden to the heart and I am sure it is not because of the love. Where there is love, there is trust and where there is trust there is no pain. We take all the uncomfortable feelings to our heart and we create chaos.

If we really consider that our relationship is primary and it is important to us, If we value our relationship or the love what we have for the other, then we will not create any turmoil to our relationship. Neither we were taught or educate ourselves that love cannot give pain. All the unwanted feelings are not part of the love. When we are fearful or anger or anxious or jealous, are we experiencing a state of love? We surely feel there is difference in the love .

Love feels warm, Love feels joy, love is felt deep in the heart. Love gives a deep sense of satisfaction Love has to be approached as per the Maslow’s theory (Hierarchy of Needs)

There is a lot of difference between need and want. Love also plays a vital role when it is a wanted relationship and a needed relationship. When you see the love as a wanted relationship you will not have any kind of other ill feelings, even if something crops up, we will say I love it. I will take it easily. When you see the love as a needed relationship, then we allow the pain to enter and play with our heart.

When we enter into a relationship we don’t get into it knowing the good and bad of it. We admire something and fall in love. In reality when we see the changes and we feel that we are very good about ourselves. When we enter in to the love, we become dependent and we expect our love to feel that we need our associate to make us feel good about ourselves. Whether the love is there or not, we were feeling too good about us.  If we would have felt lonely or empty before their entry into our life, we feel that the vacuum is being filled by them and it becomes supreme for us. We fear that space will become empty if they leave, so their staying becomes vital. We become dependent of them and the dependency creates the fear and unhappiness and obviously threat is there in any relationship of leaving the bond.

Either the heart or our mind is not ready to accept that these are not our permanent saviours and they are not here to help us but only to give pain because of the love what you show to them.

We become friends so easily and we fail to keep up it or we give damn to that because we know that they are ours. How a friendship is born?

We meet as strangers. We will talk to the stranger. We get introduced. We admire something in them, we feel some closeness, some comfort feeling, some love, some care etc.,. The stranger will become closer to us, and will become as our friend.  Very few will become special and will become more than everything and some will give the impact of nothing as well.

Stranger will keep on telling that I can’t live without you. I need you to guide me, I need you for this and that and all blah blah.. Initially stranger will say I miss you on on on on & on. . . . .

Everything will be going fine in the friendship. Suddenly they will change with a reason or without a reason. May be they get a new person in their life. In beginning they will tell you about the new person, they will slowly stop talking about that person, they will hide things & stop sharing anything.

If you call they will say I will call you later… I am LITTLE BUSY will talk later. Then they will never call you, you will think that person is busy but ACTUALLY YOU HAVE LOST him/her.. It will take more time for us to realize that the close friend has become a stranger to us. By the time,  we realize that the close friend has become as a stranger, we would have lost ourselves in that friendship.

Don’t bring people close to your heart, because the problem with the close 1 is that, they know where to hit exactly!!

It is better that we should know about ourselves before we enter into any kind of relationship. We are allowing the other person to break our heart. When we start loving others, that moment we become fragile. The moment you enter into any relationship you become weak and vulnerable. You are helpless and you are forced to get the pain because you allowed them to make you weak.

 “Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing Yourself is Enlightenment.”

Who knows more about me? Does a friend knows more about me, my parents, my spouse, my kids ? who knows more about me other than myself. No one is closer than me and I love myself more than any one.

It is very much required to get the clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it). Sometimes we dwell in utopia and want these dreams as a reality.  A dream is just a dream, you can’t make it reality and we should know the difference between the dream and the reality. Loving someone in dreams is not the reality and loving someone in life will never become a dream. If dreams continues then it creates internal dramas and unknown beliefs, and allows unknown thought processes to decide our feelings and actions.

If you think about it, not understanding why you do what you do, and feel what you feel is like going through your life with a stranger’s mind. How do you make wise decisions and choices if you don’t understand why you want and  what you want? It’s a difficult and chaotic way to live never knowing what this stranger is going to do next.

Believe in your friend and accept if the friend becomes as a stranger, and don’t try to dwell with the stranger as the time has changed the stranger’s priority from a friend to a stranger and these friends will never stick on to anyone’s life because they are tresspasser’s.

They were never said to be in our life and it is our mistake that we entertained them to enter into our life.

They know only to hit us in the right place to become more vulnerable and it is not their intention to keep us safely in their heart. They become close with you for their timely needs and at their convenience they will leave you or ditch you.

If ever I say goodbye to anyone, that doesn’t mean that I hate them or I love them no more or I don’t need anymore in my life. It means I want them to be much happier.

If ever I would cry, it’s not only because I lost them, but also because I lost my life’s precious moments without spending with them. I can’t feel that I have lost most precious moments just because of spending my time with them, because they have given me a special feeling of that relationship.

It is very hard to get people with the same attitude and we have to accept what we have got as pain ONLY.

Don’t allow any intruders to ruin your heart. Self-love is the best way to being loving and happy with who you are. Sometimes it is self-esteem and sometimes it will not allow your self-esteem to get hurt as well. Accepting ourselves will make us to feel great and when we get hurt, we can accept with what we have done.

“In Love pain is inevitable which needs to be considered as love only not as pain “

Love itself becomes pain if the other person doesn’t realize the love of the others. But when it is between two understanding hearts, then it is a pleasant pain, when it is love it is pleasant, when we have fear it is pain and we can’t avoid this pleasant pain in any kind of relationship”. What is more matters the value of the relationship, whether it is pleasant or pain? If the pain is more, we will come out of the relationship and if the pain is less, we will try to cope up with the pain as well.

In life when you have to make a choice between the one you love and the one who loves you. Choose the one who loves you. Because you can learn to love someone…. But cannot teach someone to love you!!”

“The experience of love is the same, what changes are our preferences.” 

“Love till it hurts, and when it hurts, love some more and when it hurt some more, love till it hurts no more”