Tag Archive | attitude

Sweet sixteen @ 40

Biking Experiences

When I in class 6, I used to ride the Luna/Mopeds without anyone and couple of complaints my mother got from the school class teacher and the merchants on the main market road also used to inform my mother. They used to tell her that she is going to die in an accident only. It was not a curse but out of care and affection. I used to tell my mother, tell them not to cry for the death. I will bunk the school and will get caught red handed with mopeds.

Same way, I learned the biking also very early when I was in the class 7 or 8, I was so small and tiny, not even having the capacity to move the bike, but I used to ride it and the balance it well because of my interest, concentration and will power. The First bike was Yamaha-Rx-100 and even now I used to have the same fear in my mind, but I will not show it out and I will ride it as if I am a skilled biker. Only for the Bajaj-M-80 the height issue was not here and for all other bikes like  Yamaha Rx-100 or the latest bikes like Apache, Unicorn or bullets my height is a minus point but I love to ride the bikes irrespective of its heights.

If at all I have to die in an accident, I wish to die when I ride a bike with a helemt and jacket and spot death.

Accidents Taught me Great lessons in life and how I worry about others lives.

An interesting accidents about my two-wheeler stunts are one riding it at 40 kms/hr and dashed it in a lamp-post to save a little girl from hurt, and the M-80 which I was riding was one of my friends and it got hurt badly and even I was hurt. I took the vehicle to a mechanic shop to repair it, but the guy told it will take time to repair it, so I was forced to give it to my friend without repairing it and with an injured face of it. A sad part of life is this friend of mine is no more today because of his biking passion. In the year 2000, drank too much and was riding his new CBZ bike and met with an accident. Luckily he survived in that accident, but died due to some other issues after couple of years.

One more accident also in M-80 and that to save a little boy who was rushing from the opened gate and entered the main road, I applied a sudden brake and got skidded. I fell down, luckily was wearing a helmet and was not hurt. As soon as I got up, I was checking the vehicle and the people who gathered around were scolding me to check whether I am hurt. This time it was in my own bike and I was very cautious about the maintenance of my vehicles.

Another accident was while I was standing for a signal, I don’t know how I fell down and the reason for it was a guy in a bi-cycle. Even this time, I was not ready to see or whether I got any hurt or not, I rushed to office. As soon as I reached, I was limping while walking and a colleague was making fun without knowing that I met with an accident. Literally I was in tears and told my boss that I met with an accident. Everyone scolded and asked me to check what happened. This was a kind of major accident for me, a piece of flesh was out on top of my left knee. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was shocked to see the flesh out and I told him that accident happened 10 mins back only but it happened 1 hour back. He was literally shocked and asked me to consult an ortho and he said there will be some crack, she needs to be in bed rest for 2 weeks.

I told the doctor, I am perfectly alright, my tears are after seeing the flesh out and it is out of scare not because of pain, just do the stitching and I will be back to office. But my boss asked the ortho-appointment immediately and a young hero kind of doctor again visited me to check my leg, he did small tests and said she is lucky looks like everything is fine. If any swelling is there, do take an X-ray immediately. Otherwise just go with pain killers.

Then the physician did the stitching and I went to office, everyone was feeling as if I had a fracture in my leg. I called up couple of my friends and asked them is it possible for them to come out of their offices. Both of them said yes afternoon we will meet. I told them to come to a movie hall to watch a movie and I told my boss, I want to go home now.

As he knows that the medicines are heavy, he said you will feel drowsy, so go home and take rest, no need to come for 2-3 days. I told him, I will update him the next day and went home. I had my afternoon lunch at home and then told my granny that I am going to watch a movie with friends. She started scolding and screaming, I told her that I came from office just to watch the movie not to feel that I got hurt or I am not capable of working.

Now my friends would have got the movie tickets and I want to go and watch it. I called up my friends and they were still in office. So I told them I will come and pick them and one of them said, she will walk down to the theater as her office was nearby. Sometimes Accidents are good to take a break from your regular routines.

One accident which I can’t forget in my life was with my father. He was riding the bike and due to some reason, we fell down, I think because of the sun glaze. Heavy bleeding in my fathers foot and little scratches in my hands, after seeing the blood I got giddy and fainted. My father ran to the nearest shop to get water with that blood. After waking up, i said blood, he said nothing, don’t get scared for this. Don’t tell the world that you fainted because everyone around you thinks that you are very bold lady.

Yes I am bold lady, when it is the blood of others, but when it is your own, you will not know what to do. There is a proverb in Tamil, Thaan aadavittalum than thasai aadum… I realized it on that day.

Most interesting thing from the biking experience is my friends and the way they all supported and supporting me.

Three of my friends bought new bikes on the same day and all the three wanted me to pick up their new bikes from the show room. We were five friends and all of us went to the shop, took the first bike for a friend and I was the one to ride the new bike and dropped it in my friend’s house and we continued the same exercise for all the 3 friends. Five of us will go to the show room and I will start the bike and bring it to their home. (I guess I will be the only one to ride 3 new Hero-Honda – Splendour from the same show room in a day)  – If I am not wrong this should be in 2000. A new Bike TVS Fiero also has given me the opportunity to ride it with a new registration board.

Then we all went to the temple to follow the religious sentiments. That was really a great honor to me as a friend from all the 3 guys. I will cherish that moment all my life and I don’t know any where about’s of two of them and the other friend said, I just sold the bike because of its condition as it was almost 13-14 years old.

This is not the only case, I know for sure there are many friends who will not give their bikes to anyone but they will give it to me for the first ride or without any issues. There were some guys used to fight that how come you are giving your bike only to her and not to us kind of.

Some experiences are treasures of life which I have to lock it in my memories. Sharing this makes me to smile from my heart. Life is beautiful to look back and I feel so fresh and thinking that how many good friends and how they all made it beautiful. It can’t be beautiful only with me and without all these good friends.

One of the reason for me to stay happy is my friends and because of the same friends I used to get hurt badly also. But I used to recoup with a new set of friends or group of people. The best ever happenings in my life is my friends circle and the way I used to keep it up, thanks for those who are there in all my good and bad times and providing the dignity and  serenity of friendship.

Passion for work will continue…..

Advertisements

Sweet 16 @ Forty

Today is one of my friends Birthday – Best Friend – Happy Birthday to you, Love you and miss you dear.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

Funny thing to look back your life when you are in forty. I have to say thanks to god that I got the time to look back it. One important factor for me to be happy, smiling is I live my life and I am not living it as a forced life. For most of them, they take their life at forties as forced life, by thinking about their kids education, marriage, or about their house loans, and other commitments.

I am living a most satisfied life and I started the savings habit when I was in my school days, and it is still their. Only I know that I was having the helping nature from my school days, whatever I used to have with me, I will distribute it to others. A boy studied with me used to do paintings very nicely, but he was not able to get the acrylic colors and without a need, i bought it and shared it with him to develop his painting interest. I don’t know where he is and how he is also, but I still remember him by that short black boy and his name was karthikeyan.

I think and whatever is there in my memory, I was notorious only. At the age 7, I started riding the bi-cycle on road. I remember that most of the girls and boys in my area learned cycling through me and my effort & guidance. I don’t even remember that children of that age will not try to leave the hands and ride the cycle, but I tried to leave one hand and I was able to balance the cycle and next day I tried to do it leaving both the hands, without the knowledge that the cycle was too heavy for me to balance and it was not a small bicycle to do my gymnastics in it. When the cycle size increased, my height was not increased and I was forced to fall down and get hurt.

Foolish mind never got settled with the hurt in one hand, leg, once again tried and in the same place i fell down and got hurt in the same way in the other hand also. After Two days i realized that it was not only the balance issue, there was more sand in that particular place and because of which the cycle speed was getting reduced suddenly as if i applied a sudden brake. I do repeat the same mistakes even now and get hurt again and again, but with a smile saying that I know it is going to hurt.

I have to say both cycling and biking are my passion and I can’t give up both for any reasons. What all naughtiness I have done with my cycles…

Earlier I used to use the rental cycles and when I was in my class 5 I got the first cycle, Hercules Captain and a huge hero ladies cycle. Both sisters used to go together and come together.

Before class 5 we used to practice cycling on road with my mother’s used old bi-cycle.

During my 9th I got the Standard the craze of BSA SLR trendy cycle – the love for that cycle is flying in a high speed to reach home as first person is one of the wonderful feeling. Secondly, coming as a slow cyclist along with the friends who used to walk to their houses is one awesome experience, especially when my friends used to scold me, either go fast or walk with us and don’t do this slow cycling with us. I love it and the feeling of thinking about it makes me to bring a big smile, a teenager smile.

The happiest moments of my cycling life was carrying a huge water can to school almost 5 or 7 ltrs of water. We used to go to school as a group close to 7 or 8 kilometers one way and all of them will finish their 1 Ltr of water bottle half the way or close to school. I think Sharing has started when I was in my school days.

Apart from carrying the water bottles, the way I used to carry the cricket bat and badminton rackets in my cycle makes me to feel that I miss that golden age. I want to go back and start my life as a sports personality which I could not do it because of being born in a small middle class family.

Even now I feel that I want to go in a bi-cycle with a cricket bat on it or a badminton racket in it.

My Passions are not only with my cycles, it got extended to Mopeds, Bikes….

Biking Experiences will continue…..

Sweet Sixteen @ furious forty

When I was thinking hard for a title to write, my sister asked me to write about myself. Whatever I say, it is all about me only. Whether it is about love, passion, kindness, hatred, profession, colleagues, debates etc., all are part of my life. 

This time, I thought I have to take time to say about me but in others eyes. I would like to share the profound insights of how I was and how I am – Profound Transformation of Sweet Sixteen When I am @ 40. My energy level is of 16 and my thoughts of life is par above forty.

Most of my friends feel that I am blessed and the happiest person in the world. Yes I am, but to be a blessed person or to be the happiest person, it doesn’t come easily to anyone or by chance. It is a choice taken by every individual. Choice is controlled by us and executed with our energy and exact event and chance is not controlled, and chance is by luck and of uncertain factors.

Whether it is love, care, affection I give a lot. What do you get is what most of them ask me, yes for sure hurt only from everyone, but still I do it. Because we never know what kind of situation the other person is going through, a kind gesture, simple smile, caring word, ears to listen can make them to feel better from their situation, which in turn can make them to feel that there is someone for them and can provide them the strength to live their life and to face their struggles with a smile.

 Why should I do? 

This is the million dollar question for which i don’t have a straight forward answer. I know the pain of not having it. I should say that this is a Journey that inspired me when I got the support from my family, friends, extended family, and colleagues when I was to be abandoned, not to be cared, not to be tolerated. Whatever people have seen me in the last 10 years is a total refinement of my age, experience, and quality people around me. 

I was very arrogant, wild and adamant as like all others and even now I have all these but I chose to be forgiving than to keep my self-hurting or considering for a revenge. What all negative qualities that are not required to be with a female, you can see all of it in me.

Today, I am not ashamed to say it, because of the way I changed my attitude towards life. Most of the time, I am away from my family and the change was required in me to have some people around me. Attitude towards life changed when you start your travel alone. You will love everything and start feeling to share everything you own to others because you don’t have to save it for your next generation or to anyone else.

The world becomes your relatives and a stranger becomes your friend and a friend becomes relative. I choose to be happy and Life is a cycle, comes with the birth and death. What we do in between matters and I started to do what matters to me.

Even now with full of tears in my eyes, I will say that I am happy because I know that tears is not because of some stupid reason but full of feelings for someone in this world. Occasionally I do shed because of anger, but it is part of life.

Of course I learned the best of life from my mother. Even though she was not having any reason to smile, she used to have a smiling face all the time. She was very beautiful and one of my cousin used to tease us by asking my mother, none of your daughters are closer to your beauty. 

The care and affection at the right age was not available to all 3 of us, because my mother was working and it is not like today’s era, to have everything at one phone call. She needs to travel close to 4 hours in a day and 9 hours of working, by the time she reach home, most of the days I would have slept. Same way our mornings were in hurry bury to get ready to school and office. 

After School, we used to open the doors Big NAV-TAL Lock, and we will change our uniforms, without anyone we will do our home works. Most of the time, we were taken care by the neighbors. of course my maternal relatives were helping in taking care of us, because none of them were able to guide us properly or to take our talents in positive directions. (a typical middle class family)

Hemant once asked me, @ forty you are so naughty, and how you would have dured your childhood days? Naughty, beauty etc., are sort of comments because of the transformation what happened in me. Over the time, everyone will get this transformation. They will choose to be spiritual and I chose to live my life with happiness (I am spiritual, but I don’t do lot of things related to spiritual activities. I keep my mind and body clean. When your mind is clean, your heart will be filled with joy. Again, Happiness is a choice and not a chance.

It is very hard to predict me, when someone things that I will get collapsed for a hard situation, but I will take it easily, for the things which I have to take it lightly, I will make it as big hue and cry.

It is time for me to go back to my old memories to keep me fresh as I am as sweet 16 at Forty.

continues…..

My SAD – Miss you

This is a special thank you for the one whom I lost without knowing the reason…

Thank you for entering my life. Thank you for being Unique. Yet one more day thinking that you are not far away from me.

thinking-u

I used to tell you when I used to miss during the weekends or during our vacations that missing you makes me to feel more love for you. I don’t know may be because of that only you left me forever to love you more and more.

When we lose our loved one in the name of death, it is painful, but when we lose the dearth one without knowing the reason is more painful.

Many May come and Many may go, but the way I miss you can’t be measured by words. I keep myself so busy and I love two more like you, but still the pain in my heart is so much. I don’t think it can be repaired by anyone. I have one who will make me so happy with her presence and the other is like my Shakti, who will bring in all the powers even at the time of my deadly hours.

There is a saying that if someone hurts in the name of love, we need the same person as medicine.  I tried different medicines, but the pain of missing you is increasing rather than reducing. I tried to find my peace with a Sorry message, immediately, your sorry greeting card came into my life. I shared it in my Facebook wall and everyone started asking me to whom you are saying sorry, I was not able to tell them that this is a lovely sorry I got from you without knowing the reason for it.

There are some people who come for a reason and who leaves without any reason only. But your entry in my life has shown me a new phase in my life.

Life is as usual beautiful but if you are there in my life then it is the most beautiful place in this earth. As you have become my world, I am unable to search where you are as the place doesn’t matters, but the person matters.

will not return-stil waiting

Few of my friends asked me, do you still wish her and think about her?

Just because we don’t talk doesn’t mean that I hate her or I don’t care about her. I do care about her and love as I did before.

Do you think she reads your blog?  For sure, I know she will read it. If so, she would have responded to your messages, love or at least a word to know about you. It is not that she hates me, even if she hates me, she will read my blog and she will know that I am good, that is enough for her. As the way I say that I love her, she will also.

Sometimes, we forgive people simply because we still want them in our life, I want her in my life, if not as she was, at least as my dream daughter. I love her the most for making me to feel the most precious love of life. I have got all the happiness only because of that feeling what I got it through her. Only the doors of her heart is closed, but not the doors of my heart. I can’t knock it, but she has all the rights to break mine.

We don’t need communications through words. I am doing it to show it to her, even I wish to hear from her, but when I don’t get any news about her, god shows it to me in my dreams.

You will not believe also that I miss you more and more… now a days I dream a lot about you. What is a big thing in dreams? I am a day dreamer and I will not dream when I am asleep, but now you are coming in my dreams when I am in my deep sleep. It is new for me.

You know the way you came in my dream and told that I am going to be in Abu Dhabi. I was walking very fast in a Mall, suddenly I felt that I saw you and there was an eye contact with you, I came back to see is it you, yes it was you and there was drop of tears in your eyes and suddenly I got up from the sleep with tears in my eyes. It looks cinematic, but it is fact that I saw the tears in your eyes.

I don’t know whether this dream will become true or not, but I wish it to happen. I miss you the same way I was missing you in 2012 my dear SAD. Is it possible for you to make me SMILE once again ? Will this year 2015 bring that SMILE back in my Life?

Jealous

Most of my contents are about the people who touched my life in beautiful ways, but this content is about someone whom I hate from the bottom of my heart. Why should I hate this person without any reason?

Reason is Jealous – Is this a natural feeling Jealousness or being forced in us?

Jealous is one of the subjects which I love to discuss at this point of time, because in the recent times, I was addicted to this word not because of very special person of my life or someone whom I can’t live without or someone whom I love so deeply. This has nothing to those who are so close to me. Usually we get the feeling of jealous when we are close to someone and we name it as possessiveness in the beginning. In reality, it is not possessiveness.

Normally we are very fond of getting ‘Jealous’, and I feel almost everyone in the world is fascinated. Jealousy grows in us in different way, either from ourselves or from the other person also. Jealous leads either to growth or downfall in any relationship or in any matters.

bless-storm

I don’t know ‘Jealous’ can influence me to this level to hate someone whom I am not going to see in my life time or to avoid the person whom I am close with for my life time. I am writing about someone with whom I have not interacted. I have not seen her or even I don’t even know anything about her other than her name. I hate her for that one reason that she has the same name as my name as her first name.

It is a true fact that she became close to my brother only because of her name. When my brother told me, I should have asked him not to continue any stupid bondage with that female, but I never used to feel such kind of feelings and I was not interested to know about her name also. I came to know about her name also after sometime only. Even he told me, if you say, don’t talk to her, I will not talk to her, but why should i say him talk to her or don’t talk to her.

I am surprised to see that I got the jealousy with a person who is neither close to me or even closer to the person who is the reason for it. I mean, I can see him, touch him, slap him, sit with him and have a dinner, watch a movie with him, go with him in his bike, can take photographs with him instantly, I can ask him to prepare food for me, the moment I think, I can meet him, the moment I feel like I have to talk to him, I can pick up my phone and call him, I can scold him, I can do whatever I want with him, normally jealous comes only with those who are closer or someone who is nearest to competition with us.

I think my brother is the reason for all the drama’s because he has nothing to talk to me other than blabbering about that woman. He doesn’t know how to handle it and because of that he created this so called rivalry or jealousy.

It is not only with me, even with him, it is the same case, if he says I want to see you now, I can login to skype and if he says I want to meet you in person, I will fly for him during the weekend. He will not see the time or the day to call me or to message me. I never allowed him to long for my message or for my replies, may be that was my mistake and was readily available for him to share his instant feelings. I did it in a feeling that I know how difficult it is for a person to care and to be cared and I have given all the respect for his love and care.

To get a message from her, he has to wait for her lunch time, to get a call he has to long for the Sunday to come and there are many more things which he will not get as he gets through me. But whatever 10 minutes or 10 hours of time he spends with her makes him to feel happy and that was the reason for me to keep silence.

She is no where nearer. She has not seen India for the last 10 years. Even if she meets him, it will be temporary. I am of the person who will not care even if the other person leaves me for such stupid reason. That too if he goes behind her, I will be happy so as I don’t need to handle this immatured guy, who doesn’t have any value for others feelings and it is her responsibility to handle him.

Many of us cannot see if someone else does better than us. But I am not of this kind of person to feel jealous. If she can do better I will be happy to leave him forever. I have my own style of handling people. I have many more in the queue and if one gets reduced, I will get two more in the queue to love me more than him. I am not able to give my time for those who are in my queue.

I know how much I used to smile, when I give my hand as an help to my colleague or to a friend or a stranger. I know how much happiness I gave to a stranger couple of days back, I know for sure that neither this brother of mine or his new female friend can give it to anyone in that manner. It was just a matter of trying to help him, fortunately I was able to help him and the way he blessed me made me to feel that I was in heaven at that point of time. I don’t need to go to people to make them happy, god sends them when they need it. Even this guy was sent to me in a special way by god. I never considered him as a stranger but today he became a stranger because of his own actions. what you sow is what you reap, and punishment is for me.

If he can leave me, for the person whom he has not seen or not felt any sort of love and care, then it is not worth to hold him for any reason. But the way he created the jealous, he needs to be punished, I know this is not a punishment for him, but I will take it as a punishment for me because of giving my love and care for a person who doesn’t know the value of it.

I don’t need to understand about that educated foreigner because who doesn’t have anything to do with me, but the one who was with me for close to 3 years should think of all and decide what he needs in his life. I have many questions for that female, but it is all useless to question a 3rd person. I feel that I wasted my 3 years of time with him. For sure that he is going to lose many more in life if he continues with the same attitude. This is not childish behavior, but criminal, crooked and wickedness.

If I was possessive like him, I would not have allowed anyone in his life but I was not possessive, then how did this jealous came into my life?  Life cannot be possessed and I know for sure that I cannot have him in my fist. That is one of the reasons for me to set him free, if he was destined to be with me, he will be with me, and if not let him go. I have to feel happy that it is not my destiny to hold a person who can influence negativity in me.

 A heart that has jealous cannot love, and similarly a heart that loves cannot be jealous. But somehow he has planted the jealous and created a rivalry between two innocent females.  I used to feel for any relationship has validity, with you I never felt that it has expiry date but yours is also seasonal and the season is over. Wish you at least to keep it alive with the other person.

I cannot hold the other person not to include intruders in between any relationship. Trespassers will come and go and we need to struggle all through the life because of these weird people.

To be honest, I used to tell my friends that you can’t create jealous in me and you are feeling jealous and created this jealous because that jealousy you have received as and inheritance. Those who knows his new relationship, none of them like him to be close with the new female and everyone suggested him to be away or they don’t even care about what is going on his life. It was not a natural relationship as it was in between us.

People Only Get Jealous, When They Care. If you understand the concept of love in deep, we will not get jealous when others care, because people need only care not the person. If it is being given to you by me or by the person with my name, am not concerned. If someone can make you happy, I will feel happy because I don’t have time to think who is doing as I am busy in making others happy. I don’t have time to miss someone who doesn’t have the love and care for me and I am really busy with my loved ones.

Giving freedom is a joy, having freedom is a joy. I am not a fool to hug a cactus and say that it hurts me. Either live happily or say good-bye happily. There is no reason to hold it.

Real love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain.

Grief – Pain of Death

What is Grief?

Grief is the term used to describe emotional responses to major losses. Bereavement, grief, and mourning are all terms used to describe the same thing: the intense pain that follows the loss of a loved one.

I remember this word was told by my best friend recently and she said to me, you are not shedding your tears for the one who cheated you, but you are grieving for your lost child. Yes she was correct. I would have taken the grief also happily, if the kid would have died but it killed everyone and it is enjoying its life.

Most shameful thing is that one for whom I am killing  me(my happiness, peace, health, wealth, good habits) also asked me a question, if I die what will you do? I told her, I am not a Muslim to pack my grief in 3 days and we will have grief for one year and at least I will have deep pain for a year. but I didn’t know that before her death itself she will give that pain to me.

I know I was attending my own funeral by killing my happiness

This time I am not going to write about someone who is living, and this is about someone who will live in the hearts of many/ those who know him.

Senthil MariappanA Supply chain management consultant whom I know through my ERP network and I have not seen him during his life time, who has considered me as his sister and we used to chat a lot before and after his marriage. Due to work pressure and work tension and other unwanted association, I stopped most of my communications with many good hearts and Senthil was one among them.

Today I regret for not chatting with him during the last 1 year time. Most of the time, I used to communicate with almost those who are known to me and I don’t keep too much gap in my communication.

Due to the restrictions of the Gmail access and other social networking access in most of the companies, I have not seen him in online for long time and I am not very good in calling and speaking to my friends. I prefer to have the networking only through Gtalk or through Facebook. I do call those who used to pick their phone to reach me. Somehow we didn’t develop this kind of communication within us. I regret for not doing this my friend.

I have constant communications with his friends and I have asked about this guy with another friend also.

Suddenly a new ID, asked for permission to add me, I thought it is from a person who made me stupid by all means as I am expecting something from him. So added and asked a rough question who is this?  He asked “Do you know Senthil, I told him I know many Senthil as my brother’s name is Senthil, a friend from Abu Dhabi is Senthil, and couple of more people as Senthil from ERP network.

Even before answering my question he said, he passed away in Andaman. I was shocked and he pasted the local newspaper content.News paper confirmed it happened on 17th March. Tears were flowing like anything because of thinking about his wife who was married two years back. There are some ugly characters living in this world, but god likes only good hearts. He gives more pain to those who are good and takes good people to his kingdom who are very soft and good.

I was shattered; I was unable to believe that he is no more. I was not able to believe it, but the newspaper message said that it is him and it has shown the license copy of my friend. He died because of a heart attack and at the age of 31. Oh god, you are giving stone heart to some people and so soft heart to good people? what is this my lord? why are you playing like this?

There are people who are asking you for death, there are people who are sinners, who are cheaters, who are betrayers, who live and suck others blood like an animal, and this guy is so soft, a good heart person and why you wanted his life to end so soon?

Anyway I was grieving for something and god is showing that these kind of things are happening in the world, don’t worry, good deeds and bad deeds doesn’t come with others deeds. It is based on their own deeds only.

Grieving Losses – Grieving the loss of someone whom we love will be there in our heart for a long very long period and it is very painful process. But there is still hope. That we will cope up and come back to normal.

Grieving from a loss and healing from that loss require one to examine and re-examine the place of a loved one or a relationship. This process, the grief stages, of getting used to life without someone close to you can take over a year to work through. Experts have compared the death of a child, for example, to what it feels like to lose a limb. It gets easier to cope as time goes on, but it still takes a long time to work through the stages of grieving.

It’s easy to formulate a theory or a process for your grief to work through; however, actually working through those stages of grieving proves much more difficult. We may have a lot of method to grief, and each method looks different for each person.

After all, some steps in the healing process are easier than others—some days are easier than others. Your relationship with your loved one was unique (as like her name); expect you’re grieving to be unique. The way of hurt is also unique, very deep and it is very difficult to get healed, but god has shown the ways.

My grief was not in coping with death which allows you to meet really supportive people, but the death of someone inside the heart. But this death of my friend really made me to feel that why should I grieve because god has not taken that life, and even if it happens I will not feel heartache this much because I know that she is an unworthy person.

This death of my friend has given me a lesson that I have to be supportive to those who lost him as a mentor, the person who shared this news with me has got my mail id from my friend(Senthil) saying that she is my sister, send your CV to her, she will help you.

Somehow this new friend has not shared his CV with me, but when I got the friend request from him, I was really in a different mood and I was feeling that someone is going to get killed by me.

Bereavement requires a grief support group. Somehow I have an aversion of death and I used to get ready for the people around me about their death well in advance so as I can take it up when I face the situation.

As you work through the death of a loved one, you need a place where you can vent, where you can be honest about grief and your emotions, and where you can move through the grief stages without fear or regret.

If we get ready to get the support for the grief, it can provide a really support of friends who identify with you at a very deep level. They can move beyond showing you sympathy to really empathizing with you. I can say that I got lot of support to come out of the grief, unfortunately I was not able to come out of the grief and the situation how I was has become grief to many people around me. With the existing pain I was in deep pain because all the lovable people around me are also suffering because of me.

Will I ever see my loved one again?” The bonds forged by shared experiences are the strongest bonds. And, as you struggle to find meaning in death and dying, realize you’re not alone.

Sometimes, the sadness may be an opportunity for us to return to faith in God or involvement in our religious system. The belief in an afterlife can really ease our minds when it is for others but when it comes to loss of family members or the death of a child it is really a difficult task to handle.

I was killing myself for the death of my unborn child is really painful because, it was not born to me, but it was in front of me, it was not my adopted child, it was not of my blood  and I just felt the feeling of a child through her and how could I come out of this heavenly feeling?

She is alive and I have to consider her as dead. How to grief for the one who is alive and need to feel that she is dead? How to control myself with this feeling? What kind of death you have shown to my kid god? Why did you give that feeling through her? If I don’t grief for this then for what I could grief and I will not be called as a human because I don’t show my grief out for any other things other than the people hurting me in this way.  

Normally When I grieve for someone deeply, I will think 100 times and Iw ill come out faster. This time my grief is not only because of the death of my child, but also because of self-pity and I was not able to forgive myself for allowing someone to play with my feelings and sentiments

What is the purpose of grief in our life? The other name of mine is Hope and Encouragement. The way I give my hope and encouragements are from me, and it is not from their strength, it is from my strength, I am giving them the life of hope.

My word of hope creates encouragement in them and they find the hope in front of their eyes through me. To give others hope, I must have the hope of living and leading the life happily. I can’t tell someone smile from heart, when I don’t smile. When I say something to others I have to follow and I don’t like to tell someone which I don’t follow. I am a follower and not a preacher.

Finding God and Your Grieving – Anything under God’s Control is never out of control, God will make a way even though there seems to be no way!

May of my friends suggested me to enter into spirituality, but for me it is a big problem that I can even think about god, when I am not happy. That means I pray to god only when I am happy and I can’t go to him to cure my pain or sorrow. It is not the time to embrace my god, because he knows that I am weak if he gives me trouble. He knows my strength, he knows my weakness, and if he is giving me some pain means, he knows that I need the strength to overcome this and he knows when to give that strength also to me.

I beg for others to god not for my weakness because that weakness was given by god, why should I go and beg him saying that give me strength. I will say, I know you are the creator, you are the screen play writer, you wanted me to go through this pain, I don’t know how long I have to go through this, but give me the serenity to understand that “Even this will pass away”. I am very weak mentally and only with you I am a very strong woman. You are my strength, I trust in you and I move with your guidance. Do whatever you want to do with me. If this is your wish and play, let me enjoy and suffer it.

You want me to curse someone, let me do it, you want me to feel someone as very bad human of this world, let me feel it, but don’t make me to hate her. If you say that, then there is no use of all my grief. I know god, with great difficulty only you made me to come out of that hell. But still why did you allowed me to enter into the hell.

The Hold books are real, authentic, genuine book– filled with the stories and thoughts of real people. I don’t prefer to get into religious sentiments when I am sad because our mind will not allow us to get in touch or to feel the divine.

I know it helps to convince us that our grief is just in our head. Your grief is real, your pain is actual, and there’s still the opportunity for true healing.

If you consider most prominent people from religious front, their life was filled with sorrow, much of their life they will be betrayed, cheated, or wanted to be killed by his opponents, close friends cheating, family taking revenge, but they will be able to devote their time to god. Somehow I have not come to that situation to devote my time to god because I was holding the unwanted things in my hand, head, heart…

To end whatever I am, it is the glory of my beloved parents, friends, siblings, family, surroundings and the heavenly father. I know only one thing is that I don’t go with the wind, but I go with guidance of my god. My trust and faith in you can’t be shattered because of this kind of painful moments. I know you will help me to recover, but it really took long time as I have not spent that much time also with her.

They all have turned me from my mourning into smiling, of course dancing is not possible and I lost every charm of my life with one world. 

God has put off my black days and hugged me with gladness through different and new people, when I was holding the pain of my life and in deep grief. Thanks for the support.

I praise the god for giving the serenity in marvelous splendid way to accept the truth and not to go silent to the cemetery.  Thank you for giving me the realization that I was digging my own burial ground and giving me the clarity that I am not for that. I thank you for providing so many wonderful hearts around me and sincerely praying to you to guide all of them in their special way and keep all of them under your shadow and within the reach of my heart.

Family Value-3 Thanks giving

Family values continues…

Thanks Giving…. This is one of the biggest things that the parents have to teach the kids.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. 

It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. 

One of the best ways to show your real feelings even to the strangers is thanks giving. I don’t know how I learned it, but I learned it at very young age. Thanks will make a stone heart also to smile. Of course it is applicable only human and not applicable to wild animals. Thanks is the beautiful flower that blossom springs from the soul.

I remember that I used to travel in cycle rickshaws from the main bus terminus to my house. A person will pedal the cycle rickshaw, two to four people can travel from one place to another place. It still exists in our area but with some modern amenities, now the person is not required to pedal, they used to fix it with some motors in it.

We used to pay the money, but I used to say thanks to that guy every day. One day I traveled alone and he asked me what is there to say thanks, you are paying and I am dropping you in the place where you want to go.

Money is for the work what you have done, thanks is for the way you dropped me safely. When I say thanks, I see the smile in your face. That smile means a lot to me. After that I used to say thanks to almost all the drivers and I have seen lot of smiles in this way. It helps me to get closer to them and it helps me to give an impact in them that I have respect for their work. It means that I give respect to them as a human. It is a quality of humanitarian.

I follow the same with almost with all and mostly with the labors and when I think this now, from where I got it, I feel that it is from my parents only. They used to do it, but they didn’t teach me. This was not taught by someone and if at all I have to say that I learned it from one of my teacher under whom I studied my class 5 and 6.

She didn’t teach that we used to say thanks to everyone. I learned it from her by seeing her way of approach to the office boys and the non-teaching staffs in the school. When a guy brings the attendance book, she will say thanks and every day I have seen her saying thanks to one or the other. It is inclusive of the students who used to bring the chock pieces. (Usha Rajaraman was her name) I am sure that I learned to say thanks 28 years back.

Most of my friends used to say that I am a good observer and many like me for the way I used to observe the things happening around me without socializing with them. Most of my teenage friends know how sharp I was in getting the information without talking to them.

I used to observe both the good and bad from others and I take the good and try to correct the bad of them. Thanks giving I observed from that teacher and till today I follow it whole heartedly. Especially when someone does something even with little effort I will say my sincere thanks to them. This applied to the office boy from whom we get a cup of tea or my friends helping me with their support.

Why I took this as a subject is when you like someone, the good things of them will have some impact in you. People, who are very close to my heart or those who feel me as close to their heart, will have the impact of my love and care in them. I am really surprised to see you because the way you were with me, I am sure there was something in me would have made you to become so close.

In anger I can say that you tried to be so close with me or cheated me with a motivation but am sure that something impressed you. Why I am surprised is I really feel bad that not even 1% of my goodness has touched you and what made you to feel so impressed with me? How can you be so cruel in your life? Or how I was so careless in identifying your real color? I am answerable to god for the talent what he has given me, I have to understand whether I move with human or with animal and I have to treat the human like a human and an animal like an animal only.

Even now I say thanks to you because for giving this much pain, because I was praying to god to give me the serenity and I want to get rid of the worldly life. Now no one can come closer to my heart as I am so scared to allow someone to it. But my basic and inborn character of showing love to human will not change, but this will be in a different way. I learned to know that there are people without humanitarian also.

Mostly I have to thank you very much. I don’t have any words to say my sincere thanks to my wonderful Sweet Adorable Darling. Only because of you my life has become full and only because of you I have become zero.

When people used to ask me, you are missing something as a woman, I used to tell them, yes, you are right that I missed, I am missing it or I will be missing it. It is your perspective and in your eyes I miss it but as a woman, I can love all around me as like a mother. It is a great blessing and those who have felt it has shared it with me and I don’t need to share it only with my own blood. I don’t live for the worldly sake, but I live my life for the world sake.

The time I was about to post one of my colleague who is younger to me by 12 years, I scolded him and said sorry for scolding you. Immediately he replied saying that you can scold me, you are like my sister or mother. So I don’t need to go and search people and people are around me to give that feeling and comfort. You are the only one who will not love/like the people for what they are and who want them only for your time without making them understand what you are.

I heard it from so many people  used to tell me that  you are doing like a mother, sister etc., but I never felt the motherhood with any of them. It is really unfortunate for me, because they would have felt so happy at least if I would have made them happy by acknowledging their feelings. I don’t know whether it is my mistake to feel that special feeling with you or god’s mistake in creating you like this wild creature.

We often take for granted that very things that most deserve our gratitude.

Normally people will thank to god, for giving them a new day, but I thank god before going to bed for giving me a wonderful day as today and say that I don’t know whether tomorrow is my day or not because only when I wake up, I will know that day is mine or not, but when I go to bed, I know for sure that the day has ended.

I hope you remember that I used to say that my last message in the night I want it to be for you. Because I don’t know whether I will be able to say Good morning to you the next day or not.

Thanks to god for giving me the serenity through you. He showed me the greatest feeling what I never felt like missing in my life and I never felt also. I was happy without feeling it and I was happy when I felt it and even now am happy after throwing it out of me.

May be god showed you in my eyes and gave the greatest feeling just to feel that in my later part of life, I should not regret that I missed it during my young age. Now I say thanks to god that I am happy that I don’t have a kid. It is better not to have a kid like you.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. I tried to live by this words with you, but it is easy to practice this with human and very hard to practice with those who live like humans. There is difference between the human and like humans.

Whatever pains, I have got that is the biggest punishment from god only for whatever has happened in my life. I am very happy to take it as a lesson of my life and move ahead without giving any room for such feeling with anyone else.

Thanks giving is possible only for those who have strong memory and who take time to remember; No one can give thanks who has a very poor memory or a person like you with short-term memory loss.

Saying thanks in a way says that you give respect to the fellow-men. – Respect – will continue…..

Family values love