Tag Archive | anxiety

Dawn as Dusk

Dawn as Dusk

This is one of the subject which I never tried to touch because I am a rebellion (I often say to my friends that I will hit you, I will slap you, I will kill you and so on) but I am not a terrorist to hear/talk/see/feel the terrorism.

I landed Chennai on a Thursday 01st May’2014 which is unusual for me as I will land on Friday’s. As usual I asked my brother to come and pick me from the airport, another brother who was very busy with his activities told me that he will meet me in the airport to share his Hard disk drive to copy the movies. We met on the way just for one minute and we left the place.

I was not aware that a major terrific incident happened because of my overwhelmed joy of being with my family. Even while roaming within my area, when I saw more police force and tight security, I was making fun with my friend that a VIP is in the Area that’s why this security checks. I was not aware of the attack.

A story of a young girl which was supposed to be as like a sunrise for the family but even before raising, the downfall happened for the family.

When I heard that a girl of 23 years Swathi died in the bomb blast, I was really shocked but due to my trip and tight schedule I was not able to think about it more than feeling sorry for the incident.

When I was trying for a subject to share my feelings, my brother who met me on the way to the airport asked me to write about it as he went straight a way to the Central Railway Station for his interest in natural photography. He was able to see the bomb blast happened place within few hours and he has seen the dead-body of Swathi.

Today while I am talking about the terrorism, he asked me to talk about this subject and said I have seen her dead-body and I have the moral rights to ask you to write about her dreams.

I was in Mumbai when the serial blasts happened in the trains and I know how or in what the situation of the family members when the people travel in the similar kind of situations. How eagerly people will be waiting to know that their blood is safe, friend is in a safer place and so on.

I was not a victim of such terrific activities, but I was thinking that if I was in that situation what would have happened in my life? I have lived more years compared to Swathi, but still I wouldn’t prefer to die before achieving atleast 10% of my wishes in life. To be frank, I cannot dream for another girl, because my dreams are countless, but I can think what all dreams she would have got in her life.

She was in her 23 years when she attained the abode of god, but in a terrific way. Was it destined to her? No, it was the gift provided by the terrorist, for what? There is no reason in her death.

What all she missed in her life?

Her education, got her a job, when she succeeded in her studies, she would have dreamt to work in some big IT companies, her dreams got fulfilled by getting a job in TCS.

First month salary, I wanted to spend with family & friends, and I want to go back and meet them after saving hand full of money.

She was going back to her native after 4 months of time. She wanted to gift her parents with her first month earnings. What best a daughter could think of doing with her first salary? She bought the gifts but she got a gift of death even before giving the gifts or sharing the joy of her first salary with her family. What a tragedy? Can anyone think of this? Why ? what is the reason behind this tragedy? Has anyone taken security measures?

Whether she was in love or not, I don’t know anything about her. But as a female with sound knowledge, good-looking, soft personality, and friendly person, who is passionate towards whatever she does, would have got colorful dreams about her guy, marriage, life etc.,

Either she would have chosen a guy of her choice or her parent’s choice. Definitely she would have got a sweet dream to get married with her guy and to lead a peaceful life with one or two kids.

She would have dreamt about her promotion, appraisal, switching the job.

She would have got the wish to visit USA/UK or some foreign countries as part of her profession or as dream to visit foreign countries.

She would have got the ability to do good to the nation.

She would have got the interest to be part of the Social activities.

She would have got the dreams to become a politician to do well and to serve to the nation.

DO I BELIEVE IN DESTINY – yes I do believe in destiny

Swathi was believed to have tried to buy a ticket for a direct train from Bangalore to Guntur, but changed her plan because her death was behind her and she got into this train to get killed. She was accompanied by her friend in the train and they were chatting whole night.

It is highly impossible for that friend to see her friend as dead-body who was talking to her few hours back. How Swathi’s family could have accepted the news of her death as they were waiting for her with anxiety to receive their daughter who was away from home for the last 3-4 months.

Dreams are unlimited for everyone and I cannot say let all her dreams come true because she is no more, I can only pray that let her soul rest in peace and let not anyone else die in such kind of terrorist activities. But with her death, all her dreams vanished with her.

When I received the photos from my brother from the bomb blast area, I was not able to see it and till today I have not seen it.

If I die in a road accident, can my friends accept it, they will scold me even after my death for my rash driving or for careless driving as they care and feel that I am supposed to live for few more years. If at all I have to die in a train accident, I can’t help it; if at all I have to die of sudden heart attack my family can accept it.

What can we say for this small little girl with 1000 of dreams about her life, career…? How could one control or console her lost? Is it a loss only to her parents? Is it a loss only to her family? is it a loss only to the company where she was working? is it not a loss for the nation?

It is a humble request to the terrorist, Please stop terrorism, we are not asking you to let us live happily but we want to die peacefully with the age and disease not with the bullets and bombs. Those who are born in this world has to leave this world for sure but not by the terrorists.


Is Love painful?

Does love cause pain or is it really a feeling caused because of fear? or is it because of the negative emotions caused because of Love? Ideally Love is not painful and it is a pleasant feeling and the fear of love or the negative feelings because of love.

Love is an inconceivable feeling. Love is a beautiful and unbelievable feeling. It makes us to fly in heaven. It never creates pain.
The pain and hurt what we feel doesn’t come from love and it comes from within us on many factors like doubts, fears, anxiety, rejections, possessive nature, distrust, broken trust, envy, jealousy etc. We chunk ourselves with all these feelings and keep saying that love causes pain.  This pain can cause the burden to the heart and I am sure it is not because of the love. Where there is love, there is trust and where there is trust there is no pain. We take all the uncomfortable feelings to our heart and we create chaos.

If we really consider that our relationship is primary and it is important to us, If we value our relationship or the love what we have for the other, then we will not create any turmoil to our relationship. Neither we were taught or educate ourselves that love cannot give pain. All the unwanted feelings are not part of the love. When we are fearful or anger or anxious or jealous, are we experiencing a state of love? We surely feel there is difference in the love .

Love feels warm, Love feels joy, love is felt deep in the heart. Love gives a deep sense of satisfaction Love has to be approached as per the Maslow’s theory (Hierarchy of Needs)

There is a lot of difference between need and want. Love also plays a vital role when it is a wanted relationship and a needed relationship. When you see the love as a wanted relationship you will not have any kind of other ill feelings, even if something crops up, we will say I love it. I will take it easily. When you see the love as a needed relationship, then we allow the pain to enter and play with our heart.

When we enter into a relationship we don’t get into it knowing the good and bad of it. We admire something and fall in love. In reality when we see the changes and we feel that we are very good about ourselves. When we enter in to the love, we become dependent and we expect our love to feel that we need our associate to make us feel good about ourselves. Whether the love is there or not, we were feeling too good about us.  If we would have felt lonely or empty before their entry into our life, we feel that the vacuum is being filled by them and it becomes supreme for us. We fear that space will become empty if they leave, so their staying becomes vital. We become dependent of them and the dependency creates the fear and unhappiness and obviously threat is there in any relationship of leaving the bond.

Either the heart or our mind is not ready to accept that these are not our permanent saviours and they are not here to help us but only to give pain because of the love what you show to them.

We become friends so easily and we fail to keep up it or we give damn to that because we know that they are ours. How a friendship is born?

We meet as strangers. We will talk to the stranger. We get introduced. We admire something in them, we feel some closeness, some comfort feeling, some love, some care etc.,. The stranger will become closer to us, and will become as our friend.  Very few will become special and will become more than everything and some will give the impact of nothing as well.

Stranger will keep on telling that I can’t live without you. I need you to guide me, I need you for this and that and all blah blah.. Initially stranger will say I miss you on on on on & on. . . . .

Everything will be going fine in the friendship. Suddenly they will change with a reason or without a reason. May be they get a new person in their life. In beginning they will tell you about the new person, they will slowly stop talking about that person, they will hide things & stop sharing anything.

If you call they will say I will call you later… I am LITTLE BUSY will talk later. Then they will never call you, you will think that person is busy but ACTUALLY YOU HAVE LOST him/her.. It will take more time for us to realize that the close friend has become a stranger to us. By the time,  we realize that the close friend has become as a stranger, we would have lost ourselves in that friendship.

Don’t bring people close to your heart, because the problem with the close 1 is that, they know where to hit exactly!!

It is better that we should know about ourselves before we enter into any kind of relationship. We are allowing the other person to break our heart. When we start loving others, that moment we become fragile. The moment you enter into any relationship you become weak and vulnerable. You are helpless and you are forced to get the pain because you allowed them to make you weak.

 “Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing Yourself is Enlightenment.”

Who knows more about me? Does a friend knows more about me, my parents, my spouse, my kids ? who knows more about me other than myself. No one is closer than me and I love myself more than any one.

It is very much required to get the clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it). Sometimes we dwell in utopia and want these dreams as a reality.  A dream is just a dream, you can’t make it reality and we should know the difference between the dream and the reality. Loving someone in dreams is not the reality and loving someone in life will never become a dream. If dreams continues then it creates internal dramas and unknown beliefs, and allows unknown thought processes to decide our feelings and actions.

If you think about it, not understanding why you do what you do, and feel what you feel is like going through your life with a stranger’s mind. How do you make wise decisions and choices if you don’t understand why you want and  what you want? It’s a difficult and chaotic way to live never knowing what this stranger is going to do next.

Believe in your friend and accept if the friend becomes as a stranger, and don’t try to dwell with the stranger as the time has changed the stranger’s priority from a friend to a stranger and these friends will never stick on to anyone’s life because they are tresspasser’s.

They were never said to be in our life and it is our mistake that we entertained them to enter into our life.

They know only to hit us in the right place to become more vulnerable and it is not their intention to keep us safely in their heart. They become close with you for their timely needs and at their convenience they will leave you or ditch you.

If ever I say goodbye to anyone, that doesn’t mean that I hate them or I love them no more or I don’t need anymore in my life. It means I want them to be much happier.

If ever I would cry, it’s not only because I lost them, but also because I lost my life’s precious moments without spending with them. I can’t feel that I have lost most precious moments just because of spending my time with them, because they have given me a special feeling of that relationship.

It is very hard to get people with the same attitude and we have to accept what we have got as pain ONLY.

Don’t allow any intruders to ruin your heart. Self-love is the best way to being loving and happy with who you are. Sometimes it is self-esteem and sometimes it will not allow your self-esteem to get hurt as well. Accepting ourselves will make us to feel great and when we get hurt, we can accept with what we have done.

“In Love pain is inevitable which needs to be considered as love only not as pain “

Love itself becomes pain if the other person doesn’t realize the love of the others. But when it is between two understanding hearts, then it is a pleasant pain, when it is love it is pleasant, when we have fear it is pain and we can’t avoid this pleasant pain in any kind of relationship”. What is more matters the value of the relationship, whether it is pleasant or pain? If the pain is more, we will come out of the relationship and if the pain is less, we will try to cope up with the pain as well.

In life when you have to make a choice between the one you love and the one who loves you. Choose the one who loves you. Because you can learn to love someone…. But cannot teach someone to love you!!”

“The experience of love is the same, what changes are our preferences.” 

“Love till it hurts, and when it hurts, love some more and when it hurt some more, love till it hurts no more”