How do you feel about your experience with this company ?
This is one of the most foolish question to be asked to a contractor when you are sending them out. This question is valid, when the C. Employee leaves on his/her own intention for some other projects. My instant answer to that super question was useless for me in my career. I was not wrong at all, because the internal experience what I got can be used only there, not in another company, unless and otherwise I work for the same industry.
Answer to your question, if it was in a team meeting
Wonderful Experience because of lovely colleagues, of course as usual need to work with bunch of Jokers who neither knows what is a project delivery (Time duration only considered, risk analysis will never happen) nor a support activity.
Answer if I was leaving on my own
Working with this company was my pleasure and the learning curve was so high, I have not seen much of challenges or whatever I have come across were not new in this company but nevertheless it was quite good when the projects gets delivered.
After an awkward go live of a project, the way I have given the support, is one of the best what I could do in my career. I will not do such support anymore in my life. (That implementation was really pathetic), After 4 months of time, they can say that we had issues during the stabilization period and everything is fine now.
Bravo.. Kudoos but Don’t ever say that it there was no issues.
Answer if my employer would have asked this question
We are blessed to working with a better employer who can assign us in different projects. It will be great if you can concentrate more on projects and not the T&M style. I know the difficulties as a business but it makes lot of difference for both the company and the consultants as we will have some satisfaction that we are giving our time and effort for the sake of our own company not to your vendors.
Answer if one of your colleague would have asked the above question
Ideally you people have to answer for this question.
Answer if his boss would have asked the above question
There will not be any issues to your chair as long as you don’t hear from others. Don’t hear from anyone, just believe what they say are true. With this team, you don’t need to use your brain because they will make the things worst from bad.
Answer to a friend
I learned how all a management should not be with their external resources from this company. Don’t love your company, Don’t love your projects, Don’t consider your client as your employer.
“When a mother put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world.”
Amma Happy Birthday ! ! !
A mother never exists before the birth of the kids, and I can feel so proud of being the eldest even though I have not done something great as eldest daughter.
You’ve been with me even before my birth and enthralling moment of being a mother needs to be learned from you, and one thing is for sure in this world is that You’ll stand by my side, as long as you’re on this earth.
I never gave you an opportunity to feel proud of myself as your daughter but in all the phases of my life you have been the most wonderful guide, philosopher and a friend who never made me to feel that I failed in all the phases of life.
I am still a proud daughter because I see my mother as a successful woman, independent lady, was very caring daughter for her parents, still lovable sister to her siblings, lovely lady for all the relatives and sincere and passionate hard working woman, very friendly colleague, adorable friend for everyone. Above all, you are our angel mother and the three stupid daughters are in need of you all through their life.
Today after spending 40 wonderful years with you, I am still the same useless daughter but proud of one thing is that you are my mother. Wishes can pour in all through your life from all the nook and corners, but being with you on your special day is the most wonderful moment which this daughter can do for you.
I don’t know how long it will take me to make you feel proud about this daughter but you can feel happy that all your daughters are so blessed to have you as our mother. We cherish each and every moment of your life and the moments that you dedicated for us. I love each and every small gesture of yours whether it is with us or with our kids or with our relatives or with your friends. You are the best in whatever you do ma….
A mother’s love is so special and a never-ending gift. A love from mother is always there for the kids, especially whenever the kids need a lift.
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. – we will always think of you ma.
I really don’t know how to thank you for being so kind, lovable, caring for your grown up daughters and still keeping your spirit as a mother irrespective of your age and ailments. It is very difficult for us to handle our kids as like you have done with us. we need to learn from you to be so lovable to our kids.
You are the most inspiring personality of my world and wish I could do 50% of what you have done for us.
In the recent times, whatever cranky things I do, you never get heated up or show your anger instead you are showing your love and care so generously. Especially in my last trip, if I would have considered our roles vice versa, me as a mother and you as Uma, then I would have scolded very badly for riding that huge bikes, but as a mother you shared a beautiful smile and said your bike riding looks like an advertisement for a bike. I don’t think I can do this with my daughter in spite of me riding the bikes and bullets. Similarly for the hair cut, this looks beautiful, maintain this and it suits you and you will look like Kiran Bedi. I expected you to scold me, but with your encouragement, I felt so bad because if you can do such encouragements for these small things for which it is not required, what all you would have done if I would have shared my thoughts when I was young.
I should have written it on your 60th Birthday, but somehow missed it because of Granny’s demise and other personal reasons.
When we hear this from you on our birthday’s we feel so happy and I know on this day you will be missing your mother more than us.
Amma, I am so happy to be with you and whatever comes on my way I will handle it with this happiness of being with my beloved family.
Amma, May gods fulfill all your small personal wishes and make you happy forever as you are now.
Happy Birthday Amma. My Prayers for the day is to keep you smile and happy at least today without showing any hard face to you.
While I was talking to a friend a spark ignited in my mind with this topic ” Dowry system”. The curse of the dowry system comes into the mind of the father as soon as he hears that it is a girl baby. It is a curse to be born as a female in the India. This system is found in both rich and poor community.
We call the country as Bharat mata, all the river named as females but when a girl baby is born, we are feeling so scared to bring her up. The moment which a father needs to cherish, becomes a volcano, oh god, I have to save for her from now onwards to get her married. The parents of the new born are under pressure as they have to think about bringing up their little baby to brides are put to inhuman pressure by this so called society.
Dowry system – are these men selling themselves? Are we doing any barter system, barter is a system of exchange of goods or services for the goods or services. Even if it is a barter system, then the girl is going to the guy’s house with all the required household items.
I really wonder how a father do this cruelty to the daughters by giving them the dowry, jewels, car, household things? Are these girls getting married or even we can’t say that they are buying the bride groom as these girls leave their parents and go to a stranger’s house. If these are the demands, then the groom has to come to the girl’s house, unfortunately the girls goes to the guy’s house to do the slavery, an additional servant maid in the name of daughter-in-law.
Are these girls being given justice? Do we women feel for this cruelty? Not really, we tend to take as much as we could and enter in to the new house. Till the time the women society wakes up and gives a warning to the community that they prefer to be single rather than marrying someone by giving dowry, only then we can see the changes.
Demanding cash, car, jewellery and costly home appliances and other valuables do exists in almost all the religions and communities. Where the sacredness of the marriage lies when they do it like a business?
A marriage life that starts with such a business deal can never by happy. All the noble virtues of human beings like love, affection, sense of equality, gentleness, sympathy, kindness etc. are burnt like rotten corpses.
When you talk about marriage, talk about the capacity of the girl and guy to handle the life together not in terms of money, but interms of love, care, affection, understanding and compromises. How does the girl will get the trust of a man when he is getting handful (no suitcase full of money/no house full of money) from the girls family?
I am not articulating this in favor of women; I am speaking about this as innumerable women being affected. I am expressing this for the fathers who suffer to get rid of their daughters. I put into words to say that women are not burdens. I speak about this to bring up that the brides have feelings and they are also human and trying to motivate them by recalling their hopes & dreams.
Teach my women not to give up your hopes & dreams by giving up dowry. Is it not a great humiliation for the woman who has to serve all her time with the in-laws and husband for the sake of the family life to give dowry?
Are these fathers not feeling shame to get rid of their daughters by giving dowry? What kind of parents are you? Aren’t you doing disgrace for the womanhood?
Marriage is not taking dowry to make my daughter as your wife, it is give your love and care and make my princess as your queen, at least don’t send her as a servant.
If our guys don’t have the back bone, is it good to be with him and share or start your life with a guy who demands dowry and other stuffs to prove his capacity in the society. My dear young ladies, prove your capacity that you can live without these men.
Women are not saleable commodity and if at all also, we don’t need to pay dowry and it needs to be done by the men to prove that they are capable of making these women happy after they enter into the wedlock. I really don’t understand why should we do this crap marriage by giving dowry?
I am shattered by the way our fellow females are suffering because of these dowry system, what if even after fulfilling all the demands, if the girl has some problem or if the guy is not expected or if the guy tries to torture the girl for more money or for some reason, if the marriage breaks, who is there to support the female as the father has got rid of his responsibility, father wanted to throw his burden to other guy and he paid off his debt by giving her married to a worthless guy? Let the guy be a good person and if the guy dies in an accident then who is there to help the girl? What will my daughter do to survive her next 35-40 years of life?
Father doesn’t have the ability to support her because he has done everything to her to get her married. Even the woman cannot tell that she is suffering because of the money what the parents have spent for the sake of her happiness. How are we going to handle the tragedies of the life faced by the women after marriage?
When the women themselves rise against the humiliation of dowry, the society would be forced to change its attitude to them. Women must be trained since girlhood that their life is not hopeless without marriage. They should be encouraged to have higher education. When the women themselves rise against the ignominy of dowry, the society would be forced to change its attitude to them
What you sow is what you reap, but if you try to say no to dowry today, it will save you and your daughter tomorrow. Give respect to the feelings of others, don’t crush the flower and try to smell it.
I read from a blog.. worth to share than to re-write the same topic.
Lies We Believe About Feelings:
Most of what we currently believe about emotions is false. Here are some of the beliefs we have about feelings. These beliefs are not all inclusive, because each individual, each family and each culture has unique beliefs regarding emotions, most of which are not true. But knowing about these lies may help you to unravel the mystery of our past and how we got captured.
LIE #1: There are “good” feelings and “bad” feelings.
TRUTH: ALL FEELINGS ARE GOOD!
All feelings are good because they reflect back to us how an experience is affecting us. If we pretend that certain feelings are bad, rather than the experience is making us feel bad, it is like we are beating the wagon to make the horse move. Now, some feelings we do enjoy more than others; and we would like to continue to feel some feelings and stop feeling others. But the way to stop feeling an emotion we do not like is to stop experiencing whatever it is that is painful or hurtful.
LIE #2: We can decide how we are going to feel.
TRUTH: FEELINGS CANNOT BE DICTATED.
You can choose to change your mind, but you cannot just choose to change your feelings, not without damaging your soul and possibly losing a large part of yourself. You can tell a child not to be angry at someone, but that will not stop the anger. It will only teach a child to hide the anger and suppress the feelings, AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, teach the child that feelings are wrong or bad. Feelings are important to us because they tell us what we like and don’t like. I will say this over and over again. I may react to something differently than you do because my reaction (which comes from my feelings), comes from who I am. You may not like to swim and your feelings tell you so. I may love to swim and my feelings tell me so. Each person is unique. Each person’s feelings come from the deepest part of the self, to tell us who we are and how we want to live our lives and what we want to do and who we want to be with. We must not let the mind or intellect tell us what to do, when it is contrary to how we feel. The intellect, when it is working at its best, is making decisions for us and for our good based on how we feel.
LIE #3: Feelings lie. They are an unreliable barometer of the truth.
TRUTH: FEELINGS ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH
Our emotions are our surest way to know what is true about any situation. Our emotions always tell us the truth long before the mind can understand a situation or discern danger. This is partly because the mind is primarily a linear thing. It sees, thinks, and makes decisions in a linear fasion. Whereas the discernment that comes from our soul, our emotions, is very different. Our emotions respond to feeling nuances in a situation as a whole, even without mental understandings. You might be used to thinking of this as instinct, intuition, gut reaction, sensing. Whatever you call it, the emotions have the power to keep us safe and help us understand the world and ourselves by telling us the whole truth about a person or situation. However, there is a problem: when emotions go unexpressed, they freeze in time. What this means is that we often respond to a present day situation with a backlog of stored frozen emotions from our past. This is inappropriate, obviously, but that doesn’t mean the emotions are lying. All it means is that in order to be able to respond and feel truly in the present with all of our resources, we need to heal all the old trapped, frozen emotions we have locked up in the attic.
LIE #4: Once you have experienced emotional trauma and deep pain, you are stuck with the feelings forever and must learn to live with them, overcome them and ultimately suppress them.
TRUTH: ALL FEELINGS, PAST OR PRESENT, CAN BE RELEASED COMPLETELY AND WILL BE GONE FOREVER.
Once feelings have been released, wonderful natural processes begin to spontaneously activate. A re-evaluation process takes place and gives you new understanding. Awarenesses that you did not have before lead to changed beliefs and new decisions, and an outpouring of love and forgiveness takes place automatically. There is no hurt that cannot be healed, whether it is a hurt we have given or hurt we have received. All hurt feelings can be released until they are gone. This is part of the miracle of how feelings work if they are allowed to function naturally.
Our feelings must be allowed to surface and we must process them if we are to understand what they have to teach us. Unprocessed feelings do cause many problems. But feelings that have been accepted, honored and allowed to move through tears, are the most valuable tool we have.
LIE #5: You are what you feel.
TRUTH: FEELINGS ARE NOT SET IN STONE AND THEY ARE NOT AN INDICATION OF WHO YOU ARE.
As long as emotions are allowed to express organically, as long as they are not suppressed or judged, they can heal and evolve. You can feel murderous hatred and desire to kill someone. This does not make you evil or bad. This doesn’t make you a murderer (unless you ACT on the feeling). All it means is you have a feeling that needs acceptance and expression, and once given those two precious gifts, will move itself to healing and will no longer be whatever it was. It will evolve naturally and spontaneously into something else. We all suffer under the weight of this lie that says what we feel is who we are, and therefore we try our best to suppress all feelings that we judge as bad, wrong, evil, or unloving.
Today I was in a mood to write about house wives, but suddenly something in my routine stuck me very badly to write about the sufferings of the working women.
It is a known truth that the women have to face problems by desirable feature of being women. I am discussing today about the women who are paid for their employment. This article is not about the bread-winners of the family. For the bread winners there is no option, they have to work for the sake of the survival, but these women are not working for their luxurious life. There are some who are very ambitious and wants to shine in their professional life. There are some women come for work whose husbands do not earn enough or they are unable to handle the burden of the family.
Those women who are at home are not anyway lesser than the working women, but working women has to do both the role with utmost care and concern without being disturbed in both their professional and personal life.
All the successful women in their career are through sufferings only. All our success are with great sufferings.
It is a subject which is going on in my mind for some time but now the time has come by seeing the struggles with the married women who are working with me. I wanted to discuss about those working women to their husbands and to tell them about the problems of the women who earns equal or more than their husbands and doesn’t know or don’t have time to know anything about the outside world other than the family and working environment.
There was a time where the women will choose their career like nursing, teachers, secretaries and those jobs that are in the assembly sector (routine job), wherein they restrict their career growth for the welfare of the family and to take care of their beloved kids. Now the trend has changed drastically, wherein women work more competitive with men and spend equally or more time in the working environment.
The struggle for the women starts even before getting a job; she has to start the fight for the role as the gender bias creates an obstacle at the recruitment stage itself as she is a woman.
The age-old belief of male superiority over women creates several hurdles for women at their place of work. The age differences comes in as an issue, if she is young, then it is harmful to have her within a group of guys, if she is older than also it is difficult to have her in mid of young guys as they don’t feel comfortable.
Women on the way up to the corporate ladder find it very difficult because that they have to be much better than their male colleagues to reach the top. These women are not given equal importance to climb up in the ladder but they have to give extra mile to climb up.
Once at the top male colleagues and subordinates often expect much greater ability and efficiency from a woman boss than from a male boss. As a woman even I have the bias due to the social and psychological belief, I don’t lend support to have women in my team. (Because they cannot stay back and work)
Working in such conditions inevitably put much greater strain on women than what men experience. These problems tend to make women less eager to progress in their careers. Indeed many of them choose less demanding jobs for which they may even be over-qualified. A woman’s work is not merely confined to paid employment.
It is really irritating factor for me to feel for them because I don’t like to feel pity for someone or for self. If at all I can do something, I will prefer to do it for them and not feeling pity for them.
In the recent times, when I see the sincere, hard-working women who are married and sufferings back home after their work or during the working hours really makes me to feel irritated and I want to become one more Kannagi to destroy these kind of men in the society.I can hear that someone saying why not as Phoolan Devi, Yes I do want to become anything to stop these atrocities, arrogance of the stupid men.
These married working women who have to almost or always shoulder the burden of household chores very well than the working environment. A woman could still bear up with these problems if she had control over the money she earns. But in most families even now her salary is given to father, husband or in-laws. So the basic motive for seeking employment of getting independence is totally nullified in many women’s case.
There are some women who don’t know what the pin number of their ATM cards is and simply they will say husband will take care of everything. I don’t even know what is their bank balance is, he handles the financial part for our family. He should handle the financial part of the family without depending on the women’s salary is the role of the head of the family.
A woman has to work, earn, be at home on time, take care of the kids, serve the husband like a slave, are we calling this as women freedom?
When I see the husbands calling their wives to know about their whereabouts during working hours and I see some of the male colleagues receiving the calls from their house wives who are at home. By large there is a lot of changes in the communications of a call from a husband to wife and from a wife to husband.
When it is from a husband to wife, the woman who is working has to tell he husband about her whereabouts or what she is doing without even thinking about the surroundings.
Indian working women do not get the respect they need from their male colleagues in the workplace, it is because of these Indian men who doesn’t know to give respect to their wives as a professional.
When it is from a house wife to her husband, the guy from his desk responds instantly that he is busy with work without even thinking about the surroundings. Is it because of the gender bias or is it because that the house wife is disturbing the man who is at work? Is it not a disturbance call for the working woman from her husband when she is at work?
When these husbands will realize that their wives are not given a separate cabin to discuss or explain the routine of hers from office. Even those guys sitting inside a cabin will not be lovable or soft speaking to their wives as everyone works under pressure.
Why don’t these men think that these domestic pressures in women will lead to physical and mental problems like depression and psychiatric problems?
When our gentlemen(still I am calling you guys as gentlemen for the care and concern) will realize that women also have the career aspirations?
I really don’t understand these men, why do they want their woman to work, if they don’t trust or give them the liberty to work? We women are not fools to spend our time at office unnecessarily. There are men who will go for playing snooker, billiards, table tennis or any other sports as part of their working time, but it will be very difficult for these men to find out such woman who is ready to leave their responsibility of their kitchen and kids and going for playing for their self relaxation or for health consciousness.
My dear gentlemen, provide your wife the comfort that she is a professional and accept that you are a husband of a professional woman. I have seen guys who never question their wives while they are at work. I really admire those guys for giving that freedom to work. It is a boon for the wives and these wives can see success in the corporate sector and it is easy for them to climb the ladder when they get the support from their better half. Even if they don’t get the support in the household works, women can manage it, but if the husbands become bitter half, then their personal and professional life goes for a toss.
Balancing the personal and professional environment is not an easy task and those who are trying to show their manliness qualities of having rights to know about their wives, please try to handle these responsibilities of women for two weeks, then you will come to know who is the stronger/strongest and I wish that wives also should start questioning these men in such a way they have to leave both their personal and professional life which is very obvious from a man, but a woman will stay stronger with a smile and say them better luck next time.
There are lots of issues that they face in the working environment which can be shared with the husbands and few cannot be shared even with the husbands not in an intention to hide it from them, but to keep them cool and happy. The sufferings of women if known to men, we think that the men will feel for it and repent badly for making their wives to work for the sake of the family.
When we can think on your behalf, why don’t you think on our behalf? Is the brain of women only has got the ability to think for men? Why don’t these men think from their wives shoes? When will this change come in place and when can we see our ladies doing their work happily without having a fear of personal life? When can I see the natural smile of my fellow colleagues without any mental trauma?
I hope answers will get in few decades with the next generation or the male chauvinism will still go on forever?
Back to School
While writing back to school, am having a big smile in my face, but literally I don’t like to go to schools as like all the kids.
When I spin the wheel back to my school days, I remember that I used to wish that I need never-ending Sundays and there is no Monday’s to come. Sometimes while going nearer to school I will delay myself so as the school gates will get closed and I can go back as the entrance was closed. Unfortunately my father will drop us exactly before the gate gets closed. If I dare to go back home my father would give me a good blow. Just like the teacher did long ago.
Every week I will get sick until 9.00 AM and I will be alright after 10.00 AM till next day. But back then none of us have got any choice but to go.
As like others, I will not say that school days are interesting days and I want to go back to my school days. I never wanted to go back to school days. I will say school days are innocent days and not interesting days of my life and more of ignorance till my tenth standard which I feel awkward today but that is the reality with me.
To be honest, I don’t remember how I practiced the alphabets, numbers but I remember the way I used to memorize the multiplication tables and it was purely based on my father’s effort. We used to do the homework on our own and we enjoy our evening all the time playing after completing the homework.
When all the students will study the subject ‘Heart’ & ‘Eye’, I used to study about frog and ears (Those were easy). Everyone will break their head with Algebra but I used to feel relaxed with Geometry and graph. (To score pass mark, it is enough) When I think about this now, I feel that how stupid I was. This will say how I was ignorant.
To say about innocence, my name is the example for it. As per the birth time, name was given as Uma with my father’s name as initials. Two of my school mates were commenting that my name is very small and I started crying to my father and fighting with him that why did you keep my name so small, I want my name to be lengthy one.
Even now I am paying the price of my innocence, because of my full name now. My father changed my name instantly saying that keep your first teacher’s name along with your name (Uma became Uma VijayaLakshmi Ponnappan). One of my school friend caught me in the face book because of my full name.
Even though I was innocent and ignorant, I can say that I have the art of creativity when I was very young even before class 3, I remember that I used to tell stories to my friends about my dreams that I was flying in the space with a friend (not in flights).
About my naughtiness, no one can be like me, I still remember that I will go to the school with my class teacher only. She has to come to my home to pick me otherwise I will cry like anything to go to school. After seeing her face only I will feel relaxed to go to school. It is art of adaptability but no one was able to realize it at that time.
I have to say that I was not notorious because I was very lazy. Always my first teacher VL used to say that because of your laziness you are going to be behind all other people. If you are a stupid, then it is fine, but laziness there is no medicine for it. About my hatredness for studies, I have to say that it came to me in my early stages due to one of the teacher only.
Once I got severe blow from the teacher because I did not do my homework. I informed my mother that I will not go to school anymore because she hit me very badly in the school. My mother told that she will come and speak to the teacher and she came to the school and told the teacher that she can beat her daughter for her misbehaviors or if we are not disciplined. They should not beat the kids if they didn’t do the homework, because it was not the kid’s mistake and it is parent’s mistake and my parents were working. She told her politely only but the teacher got offended and started beating me wildly. I still remember that for each and every hit, she was saying go and tell your mother that I did this to you today also.
After that incident I really hate to go to school and unknowingly I got hatred for studies and teacher. Unfortunately I was forced to go to the same school for three years. Luckily, that teacher got married and left the school in a year.
After that I never had any respect for any of the teacher but my first teacher was with me all the way through till my Tenth Standard. Apart from VL, I met a teacher in my 7th standard who was teaching English and History, because of her kindness and approach I started loving this teacher. I was very attentive in her classes.
As like now, I was not having best friends or close friends from the school, because I love all of them equally. There will be groups but I will be in all the groups. I don’t remember most of my classmate’s names and very few are in touch. Above than my classmates, I will have friends from my seniors and super seniors. Friendship with elders is what I consider as my strength moving forward in life.
During my 10th Standard, my class teacher was taking attendance and fortunately I was inside the class room and gave my attendance. She asked how you are inside the classroom. Your place is outside the classroom and your proxies will say that you are inside the school. I used to be outside the class for your sporting event or debate or other activities. How this madam is inside the class room? What are you going to do? Immediately I told her I am going out for volley ball match practice and left the class room.
After 10th Standard, I went for my Diploma as I want to put an end to my studies early. During my Diploma course, I used to argue with the lecturers that I am studying and getting score on my own. I know I struggled a lot for mathematics and one teacher from outside helped me to get through in Mathematics.
After my Diploma, there was no set back and after that my UG and PG were through distance education on my own effort (of course with couple of good teachers support).
When I was studying, I used to feel that our education system needs a revamp. Unfortunately my niece and nephew will also follow the same pattern of going to school, studies, memorize, exam, results but I strongly believe that practice makes man perfect and on job training only helps people in growing up. Have I lost because of this concept, yes I do. As per my mother’s request, if I would have continued my Engineering, I would have got settled in US with a Green card and I will not be writing about my school days by this time from UAE, instead I would have blogged about my trip to Disney World or about world tour (Ignorance played a role here also) .
The great difference between my school days and working days are Mondays should not come and now I can work even without weekends. When it is passion, we never feel tiredness and to bring the passion while studying is in the hands of policy makers (change in education system).
I am happy with the way I got my knowledge to identify what is ignorance, innocence and I got the intelligence through the phases of my learning through experiences (not through studies)
It really hurts when good friends change by a small misunderstanding. When someone is so close to your heart and there is a routine with them from the sun rise to dawn. Whether the sun rises or not, good morning comes from them, whether you sleep or not, they will tell the good night and make you to sleep is the routine what they give in us.
This is a painful story that happened more than a year ago. I wanted to post this as an article and started to think and coin with words. Creating this required lot of responsibility within me as it is going to talk about the personal affair. Most of my article will be based on the true experience or based on someone’s experience, but this time I thought I have to share the pain which was in my mind and I thought it might help me to get an answer. I didn’t post because this might hurt the friend, but now everything is over and I thought it might help someone else to fix their misunderstanding. I could not meet or ask face-to-face which has given ever lasting pain in my heart.
I know, sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major drama…. But – really if they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you and you ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least then you have tried to sort it out.
Sometimes it really is the worst things that ruin friendships, and I know it does hurt. So try to sort it out with your friend, and best of luck……
A friend of mine and I had a huge misunderstanding that seemed to have a cruel life of its own. She is a friend who has grown into family.
My Close friend is angry with me because of a misunderstanding.
Actually my close friend is not talking to me because of a misunderstanding and she was not talking to me without telling me the reason and also she was not replying to my messages or not ready to pick my calls. She knows that if I don’t hear from her, I will become crazy. I was not able to do anything and I was not aware of what I should do?
I don’t know what my fault was and I was not harsh with her for any reason and even I have not tried to show my hard feeling to her.
It was not my fault at all and I know for sure that something she misunderstood or she deliberately avoiding me.
When I feel like I have to ask her why she is doing like this, she will talk to me and she will send the messages to me, when she feels like to talk or she will reply based on her mood.
I had words with few of my friends, they used to tell me she is very happy, normal and you are the one finding it too difficult. She neither thinks about you nor does she have the same feeling what you have for her or any sort of respect for your feelings. If she is your close friend or as you think her as important person in your life, she will at least reply to your messages or to your call.
Somehow my mind was not clear and I was very anxious to know the reason, ferocious for the rejection and feeling self-pity for my situation. Neither I was able to say get lost to her nor I was able to ask the reason for avoiding me. In a way I was feeling depressed and lost all the happiness of the world which was with me for so long years.
I want to clear this misunderstanding but she is not ready to talk to me. I tried my level best by calling her, texting her, mailing her etc., and all the means were in vain and I as not able to understand what the mistake was from my side.
In the mean time, birthdays came and I wished her and she cried, till now I don’t know the reason for her tears but when I think of that, my eyes will be filled with tears (not the crocodile tears).
She could not even return a call on my birthday was the worst feeling what she has given to me in my life. Without her call, I felt so embraced as the people around me started asking me whether she called you or not?
I know she can stay without talking with anyone for some reason for more than a day or for weeks also. As I know this vehement behavior of hers, I thought I will kill my ego and call her, but no response, text her, no response.
This really caused a trauma inside me as she kept on remained without talking to me for days and it became weeks. I felt so bad and she really stopped talking to me. As I have spent my morning till evening with her either through calls, or by texts or by mails, it was very difficult.
When someone avoids us, if we know the reason, either we can correct ourselves or the opposite person for their misunderstanding. At least if we know the reason, we can feel happy that the person is not worth of our love, care & affection.
She is not the only friend for me, but I have given that much control for her in my life in a short span of time. And that started hurting me. All other friends started to feel that as if I have done a sin in my life and started to tell me in various way.
These were the friends recommendations.
Well, if she is your best friend, she wouldn’t treat you like this. Is she your best/close friend? Does she has any respect for your affection?
I am sure you understand her well as she is your best friend, you can keep quiet for a while, but the time what you are giving is not for her to relax and let her to forget you.
But she forgets you, try your best to explain it to her and find her what is wrong with her or with you and why she stopped the communication? Treating her as a close friend and killing your peace of mind is not going to solve your problem and she is not worth of it was the comments from my friends.
Even after all your trials, If she doesn’t, it shows that she may be not your best friend or conceptually something is wrong in your friendship with her, I am not sure what is wrong. As I know you, I can say let her go and you start a new beginning was from another friend.
If there is any misunderstanding she should let you know what it is.
You go and meet her in person and ask her on her face what is the issue. It was easy for me to ask on her face but I was afraid that if there was no problem or whatever she says I will trust, if my trust goes in vain or if I get a feeling that she is telling lies to me, then how can I face her again – this is what was going in my mind.
Trust me, Best friends would forgive their best friends – if you consider her as a close friend and she also considers you as close to her heart, then there is nothing can stop in between you. You don’t need to forgive her or she doesn’t need to forgive her. This is just a small communication gap, go and meet her, find out what is hurting her.
This is because best friends who would understand us, knows everything about us, who will spend time to listen us, trust us and accept us to be their best friends as who we are. This is love of a best friend. With all misunderstandings only friendship grows and it is the only one way to have a lovely relationship with friends. If someone ill treats you, then you should know that the time has come to move on. Obviously they are not a good friend to begin with if you fall out or the friendship changes because of a small misunderstanding.
It certainly hurts, but life must go on. Think of it this way, it’s best that they are not a part of your life if they are going to fall out with you over something unimportant, what about when you go through worst time? Would they support you as a friend?
Good friends are far and few and if they are true, good-by heart then they will realize their mistake and they will apologize and try to sort it out amicably.
Now this unknown reason has become unknown and the small misunderstanding has become a huge misunderstanding and there is no way to make it alright. Finally after a year and half of trauma, I have to settle myself saying that it was meant to go and let it go and it has gone.
There is no one perfect in the world and don’t try to see the imperfection as perfect rather make someone to feel that your imperfection is perfect for them and then begin your friendship otherwise these hurts will continue in life…..
A friend who gives you an advice a day is better than one who puts a pound in your hand – These are all good for saying but in reality, people go for the one who gives a pound in the hand not for the advice or for the love, care and affection. This is the reality of today’s friendship. Friendship never dies only if it was in their heart but how to find out whether the friendship is real or reel only with the situations what we face in our life.
May be with my close friend – it was meant to die but it will stay in my heart as a scar till my last-minute.
Certainly when this happened I was crystal clear that my close friend is too good and there is some reason for avoiding me, but as the time passes, I really feel so many things. I was being in a trap and I have a lot of unanswered questions which will remain unanswered.
Misunderstanding – what happens after this misunderstanding ? will see in next