Archives

Happy Valentine’s Day

You make my life beautiful…..

v-day1

My goldie – when I say you as gold, I know for sure that I can’t buy you with what I have and I mean that you are really precious for me to hold and not to miss you for any reason as well. Most of the time we meet people by chance but meeting you and being with you is a choice given by you in a unique way. Especially when I was depressed with the way things were going around me. Being hurt by someone and being in love again with someone is not an easy task in anyone’s life, but even before coming out of the tragedy, you entered my life like a rocket and removed the sorrow of being hurt in your own way.

When I was about to lose my faith in love, you entered my life as a promising faith of love. Is it divine love? I don’t know what is divine love, but you are the most amazing love of my life. Success of my life is holding the love, but that success is holding you now as her strength of love. BE with me forever or leave me never or leave me when I leave this world.

Thank you for making that beautiful difference in my life..

You made me to feel that sharing everything is not as easy as I was thinking by sharing each and every small thing with me. It is really not possible for me to share in minute detail… only thing you have not told is that you breath 72 times for a minute and it is 80 now, it is less now 🙂

It is not a note to say thanks to you but I have to say thanks to you for making my life wonderful in so many ways especially managing my rudeness, my arrogant love, my adamant love for you. At times I used to think what is the purpose of life, now I know that my purpose of life is to love you and live for you. (Even thought we are not together, you live with me, I live with you and our every second goes together)

v-day2

I know our relationship doesn’t need any thank you’s but when we say thank you to each other, it really matters and this thank you means a lot to me baby because I owe that much to you my sweet darling.

I have thanked you on some special occasions; we both know it how special those moments are and the way it was said has got immense faith and love for you.  I have to thank you every day for the wonderful difference what you have given in my life and making my life so beautiful.  Life would have been so miserable without you and I mean this.. Thank you for making my days brighter and nights cooler as like you. I cherish every moment of our togetherness and wish it to go till my life ends.

Now we can’t imagine a life without each other and that is the reason that you are so special to me yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever. I can’t imagine how life would have been if you have not entered my life.

I said I will get lot of wishes on this day, but today, when I am alone without you, I realize that your wishes only means a lot to me. I realize your importance and the difference what we have in our life. Without my thoughts there will not be single minute going for you and similarly all my time goes around you.

I really want to apologize for my arrogance and it is sincere apologies from the heart. I should not behave so violently/vehemently for the one who makes my day and night so lovely, beautiful, warm and cool. You are my sunshine and the moon light.

I have seen some good friend’s love, care in my life, but wish that this should be my best and forever love of life. I love you from you means a lot and when you say that I love you, only for you makes me to feel that I am blessed. I really love you is a delight to hear and the feeling of love is always on top of the sky and your love makes me to fly. 

V-day

Happy Valentine’s Day for making my life the most beautiful …. I don’t think something else can come in my life to feel that is going to be beautiful as I feel that I am in heaven when we are together. I want to scream and say that I love you loosu naaye….

With ton’s love, with Eyes full of Tears, Heart full of Prayers comes a warm wishes for you to get well soon and to be with me forever and I promise you that I will be with you forever without breaking your heart.

v-day3

HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY MY LOVE

Advertisements

Eswar-Allah-Tere-Naam

ஈஸ்வர் அல்லா தேரே நாம் – காந்தியால் எழுதப்பட்ட வரிகள், சுதந்திர போராட்டத்திற்கு காந்தியால் ராம பஜனாக பாடபட்ட பாடல், இதில் இஸ்லாமியர்கள் அல்லா எங்கணம் வந்தார் எதற்காக எழுதப் பட்டது என்று தெரியாது.

இஸ்லாமியர்களால் ராமனுடன் ஓப்புமைக்கு இயலாத அல்லாவை இனையாக சொன்னது ஏற்றுக் கொள்ளப்பட்டதாஎன்றும் எனக்கு தெரியாது.

நான் காந்தியைப் பின்பற்றுபவளும் இல்லை, ஆனாலும் இந்த ஈஸ்வர அல்லா தேரே நாம் என்று சொல்லும் போது ஒரு ஆனந்தம் வருவது என்னமோ உண்மை.

Allah-Eswar

காரண காரியங்கள் இல்லாமல் ஒரு அனுவும் அசையாது என்று இறை மீது நம்பிக்கை உண்டு. நான் மதங்களை கடந்து மனிதர்களை நேசிப்பவள், மதங்களின் வழியாக மனிதர்களை பார்ப்பவள் இல்லை, மனிதர்களின் வழியாக மதத்தினைப் பார்க்கிறேன்….. அதனால் தானோ என் மனம் அமைதியின்றி தவிக்கிறது….

நான் மனிதன் என்பதனால் வருந்தவில்லை, நீ இஸ்லாமியர் என்பதால் கலங்குகிறேன்…. இஸ்லாம் சொல்லும் எதிலும் நீ இல்லாமல் இருந்து அந்த மார்க்கத்தையும், மனிதர்களையும் எங்கு கொண்டு செல்வாயோ? 

“மது குடிக்கலாம் ஆனால் போதை வரக்கூடாது!“ என்பது மாதிரி! மதுவின் தேவையே போதைதானே? அது போல தான் இன்று மதம் என்பதும் மனிதனுக்குள் போதையாகியது…..

மதம் என்பதும் ஒரு போதையாகிப் போனது விந்தையே….

ராமனும் ரஹீமும் ஒன்றாக இல்லாமல் இருக்கலாம், ஆனால் அவர்கள் குருதியின் நிறம் சென்னிறமே… அவர்கள் இருவரின் பிறப்பும் இருவரின் சங்க்மத்தில் உருவானது தானே? உயிர் இருக்கும் வரை மட்டுமே ராமன், ரஹீம், இறந்த அடுத்த நொடியில் இருவரும் பிணமாக மட்டுமே கருதப்படுகிறார்கள்.

மூச்சிற்கு முன்னூறு முறை ராமா, அல்லா, யேசுவே என்று சொல்லி அத்துனை கெடுதலகளையும் செய்வேன், இறைவன் என்னை மன்னிப்பான், ஒரு தாயைவிட 70000 மடங்கு அன்பு கொண்டவன் என்று அடி மனதில் நினைத்து, நான் எந்தவொரு தகாத செயலைச் செய்தாலும் எனக்கு மன்னிப்பு கிடைக்கும் என்று இருமாப்பில் இருக்கும் மானிடனே, மூடனாவாய் அந்த இறைவன் முன்பு. நல்லதை செய் நல்லதே நடக்கும், நல்லதை நினை, நல்லவையே பிறக்கும், எண்ணம் சிதறாமல் இருந்தால் உன் வாழ்க்கை சிதறாது. சிந்தையில் இறைவனின் எண்ணங்களை வை, அடுத்தவர் சிதையில் இல்லை…..

மதங்கள் என்பது மனிதனின் வாழ்க்கையை நெறி முறைப் படுத்தவே, இப்படி அடித்துக் கொண்டு சாஹவா? உன் மதம் உனக்கு பெரியதா, அதனை புனிதமாக பின்பற்றி அதன் புனிதத்தை எனக்கும் சொல்லிடு…

Be true to yourself

About Feelings:

I read from a blog.. worth to share than to re-write the same topic.

Lies We Believe About Feelings:

Most of what we currently believe about emotions is false. Here are some of the beliefs we have about feelings. These beliefs are not all inclusive, because each individual, each family and each culture has unique beliefs regarding emotions, most of which are not true. But knowing about these lies may help you to unravel the mystery of our past and how we got captured.

LIE #1: There are “good” feelings and “bad” feelings.
TRUTH: ALL FEELINGS ARE GOOD!

All feelings are good because they reflect back to us how an experience is affecting us. If we pretend that certain feelings are bad, rather than the experience is making us feel bad, it is like we are beating the wagon to make the horse move. Now, some feelings we do enjoy more than others; and we would like to continue to feel some feelings and stop feeling others. But the way to stop feeling an emotion we do not like is to stop experiencing whatever it is that is painful or hurtful.

LIE #2: We can decide how we are going to feel.
TRUTH: FEELINGS CANNOT BE DICTATED.

You can choose to change your mind, but you cannot just choose to change your feelings, not without damaging your soul and possibly losing a large part of yourself. You can tell a child not to be angry at someone, but that will not stop the anger. It will only teach a child to hide the anger and suppress the feelings, AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, teach the child that feelings are wrong or bad. Feelings are important to us because they tell us what we like and don’t like. I will say this over and over again. I may react to something differently than you do because my reaction (which comes from my feelings), comes from who I am. You may not like to swim and your feelings tell you so. I may love to swim and my feelings tell me so. Each person is unique. Each person’s feelings come from the deepest part of the self, to tell us who we are and how we want to live our lives and what we want to do and who we want to be with. We must not let the mind or intellect tell us what to do, when it is contrary to how we feel. The intellect, when it is working at its best, is making decisions for us and for our good based on how we feel.

LIE #3: Feelings lie. They are an unreliable barometer of the truth.
TRUTH: FEELINGS ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH

Our emotions are our surest way to know what is true about any situation. Our emotions always tell us the truth long before the mind can understand a situation or discern danger. This is partly because the mind is primarily a linear thing. It sees, thinks, and makes decisions in a linear fasion. Whereas the discernment that comes from our soul, our emotions, is very different. Our emotions respond to feeling nuances in a situation as a whole, even without mental understandings. You might be used to thinking of this as instinct, intuition, gut reaction, sensing. Whatever you call it, the emotions have the power to keep us safe and help us understand the world and ourselves by telling us the whole truth about a person or situation. However, there is a problem: when emotions go unexpressed, they freeze in time. What this means is that we often respond to a present day situation with a backlog of stored frozen emotions from our past. This is inappropriate, obviously, but that doesn’t mean the emotions are lying. All it means is that in order to be able to respond and feel truly in the present with all of our resources, we need to heal all the old trapped, frozen emotions we have locked up in the attic.

LIE #4: Once you have experienced emotional trauma and deep pain, you are stuck with the feelings forever and must learn to live with them, overcome them and ultimately suppress them.
TRUTH: ALL FEELINGS, PAST OR PRESENT, CAN BE RELEASED COMPLETELY AND WILL BE GONE FOREVER.

Once feelings have been released, wonderful natural processes begin to spontaneously activate. A re-evaluation process takes place and gives you new understanding. Awarenesses that you did not have before lead to changed beliefs and new decisions, and an outpouring of love and forgiveness takes place automatically. There is no hurt that cannot be healed, whether it is a hurt we have given or hurt we have received. All hurt feelings can be released until they are gone. This is part of the miracle of how feelings work if they are allowed to function naturally.
Our feelings must be allowed to surface and we must process them if we are to understand what they have to teach us. Unprocessed feelings do cause many problems. But feelings that have been accepted, honored and allowed to move through tears, are the most valuable tool we have.

LIE #5: You are what you feel.
TRUTH: FEELINGS ARE NOT SET IN STONE AND THEY ARE NOT AN INDICATION OF WHO YOU ARE.

As long as emotions are allowed to express organically, as long as they are not suppressed or judged, they can heal and evolve. You can feel murderous hatred and desire to kill someone. This does not make you evil or bad. This doesn’t make you a murderer (unless you ACT on the feeling). All it means is you have a feeling that needs acceptance and expression, and once given those two precious gifts, will move itself to healing and will no longer be whatever it was. It will evolve naturally and spontaneously into something else. We all suffer under the weight of this lie that says what we feel is who we are, and therefore we try our best to suppress all feelings that we judge as bad, wrong, evil, or unloving.

Haunting feelings

Haunting Feelings

I chose not to post anything about feelings, but am unable to stop my haunting pain in my heart. It is really disgusting feeling to think about something wherein your mind revolves about one and only one reason.

I hate myself for loving someone so deeply is the thought that goes on in my mind, rather than saying that I hate that person whom I still love. I think that have I done a mistake by loving this person? Unfortunately love doesn’t come or no one can force love on someone. It has to come on its own and we can’t stop loving that person whatever happens in life.

Sometimes we hate what we used to love and we think that which we love is unworthy of our love because it has let us down greatly in some way or another.

Many of my friends asked me how come you can love this person to this extent, even after reading or finding the indifference’s in her? To be honest, I love her knowing that indifference’s and I have to hate myself and I can’t say that I hate her.

It is easy to fall in love and to love someone who loves us is very easy. I know for sure that she neither had any love for me nor any soft corner for me, but I can’t change my love for her. It came in me and it will die in me.

Is it possible for a mother to hate a son/daughter, even the criminals mother’s used to say that my son is innocent? At times, they know that it could be by her son, but still they will not give up them till last moment. Finally they will agree that evil has to be punished.

A mother will never feel like withdrawing all her love and give it to somewhere else that is more worthy to receive.

It might be true that she has love, belief and trust with a wrong person, because that person was given birth, and she can’t hate for any reason.

Sometimes, we can feel like we have shown our love to a person who is not trustworthy or not worth of our love. It could also be true that we ourselves are not yet right to love that person in their way. When it was with her, I always had an assumption that I am not in a right way to love her as she wants.

The negative situation or the unpleasant circumstances what I experienced was to help me to discover what love means and what loving unconditionally really means.

I used to tell myself that when I remember her, I have to tell myself that I hate her. It is easy to hate her, I tried to hate her to the core, but I couldn’t do it. All the time, I used to say how she could do this? What kind of woman she is? Unworthy to be called as female, evil, bitch etc., but end of the sentence, I will feel that my love will say sorry for thinking her badly, for scolding her badly, a drop of tear which will be ready to flow will say that I love her more deeply not I love her the most above myself.

Hate is an emotion that is meant to come in each person as a destructive protection against any form of evil. It is a violent force against anything that is destructive towards us.

When we feel hate or anger, it just means that someone is doing something that hurts you. In my case also, it is true, I didn’t expect her to show the reciprocation of my love, but I expected her to accept my love for her. When it got rejected, obviously we get offended. It is nothing wrong with the way I felt because our emotions serve as a feedback and motivating force to move towards that which is good in life. I always believe that anything and everything happens for a reason.

Every time when I say I hate her, my face will become dull and how many times in a minute I can say someone as I hate her, when I really don’t hate her? It is really tough situation and I started saying god bless her, for giving me such a pleasant feeling to love her till this moment. I am happy and I am sure that I can’t hate her, but slowly make me to forget her. When I think of her, this is the prayer which comes to my mind.

I realized that I can’t hate her and I can’t scold her or I can’t curse her, but only thing I can say is she will also realize this kind of love in her life and wish that she should not miss that love.

The reason why you feel hate and anger is because the person is doing something that hurts you. Your love for yourself repels against such an act. You feel unacknowledged, unappreciated or somehow mistreated in one way or another by the other person. Therefore you seek to redress the wrong or undeserved suffering caused by that person.

Love is a natural feeling which comes on its own and you understand what your emotions are telling you, and hate is a reaction feeling that comes at an instance because of pain/hurt given by someone whom we love. When we know the reason you feel that way, it enables you to truly resolve everything in your inner world.

My thoughts doesn’t go beyond this because, it is not only memorable feeling, but also disturbing feeling because when I know someone doesn’t like me, I never used to think to know the reason because it is their attitude. But when a person has killed your precious time in the name of love and suddenly vanishes without even telling the reason, then that is really a worrying factor. This worry will never settle me in peace.

Love is not a cycle, Love comes, Hate comes and Love comes and hate comes… even if hate comes it is only for that moment, but love forever.

When you love someone, only love will stick to your mind not the anger or the hurt

Try to understand the problem before making a harsh statement… will continue

Essence of BHAGVAD GITA

I am so excited that my blog has got 30000 hits and I am so happy that the great milestone happened on Mother’s Day (12th May’2013)… Thanks to one & all for the support.

Bhagvad Gita 

I used to take the excerpts from anything which is relevant to emphasize my content. In the recent days it was more on Islam and I don’t have any discrimination in religion, as long as we follow the righteous things I am a human and I am not worried whether it is for Muslims, Christians or for Hindus. Anything means for the righteous deeds are from my religion. The basic essence of the content will be towards righteous and how to live the life in all the religion.

Couple of days back, one of my friend asked me have you read Gita, Yes I have read it. She told me, one of my friend was in great trouble and he read that and he got transformed in a different way. I was working on the 3 mistakes of my life and I tried to include in that about my faith in Bhagvad Gita, but later I felt that I have to write more on Gita, then showing it an extracts.

To great extent it is true that we get transformed. If we try to take the essence of any righteous things, then our life gets transformed from the worldly life and it gets to a different level in life towards the Paramatma. Only when we understand the what is Atma and Parmatma, we will know our journey towards the paramatma.

What does Bhagvad Gita says

The Bhagavad Gita – It will excite the mind and make it bloom spiritually in our life. Any person can find guidance in its chapters of Karma, Bhakti and Gnyanam. It shows the way for enlightenment after one’s mind is purified by devotion and karma.

Once the mind has been purified, the sensual desires and anger are greatly reduced. Kama or sensual desire is responsible for the cycle of births. One who discards Kama and Krodha, achieve the highest bliss on this earth and after.

Those who have controlled the senses and have clear vision against the narrow-mindedness will not covet even on their impoverishment.

I wanted to include the below in my previous post, as I want to explore Bhagvad Gita, I felt I will start with the content which I want to share it with my SAD.

In Mahabharata, the epic of India, comes as a speech where the wise minister Vidura advises the King Yudhishtra thus, “Listening to wise scriptures, austerity, sacrifice, respectful faith, social welfare, forgiveness, purity of intent, compassion, truth and self-control – are the ten wealth of character (self). O king aim for these, may you be steadfast in these qualities.These are the basis of prosperity and rightful living. These are highest attainable things. All worlds are balanced on Dharma, dharma encompasses ways to prosperity as well. O King, Dharma is the best quality to have, wealth the medium and desire (kāma) the lowest. 

Hence, (keeping these in mind), by self-control and by making dharma (right conduct) your main focus, treat others as you treat yourself.”

In Islam, From the Qur’an: the first verse recommends the positive form of the rule, and the subsequent verses condemn not abiding the negative form of the Golden Rule:
“…and you should forgive And overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.” Qur’an (Surah 24, “The Light,” v. 22)

“Woe to those… who, when they have to receive by measure from men, they demand exact full measure, but when they have to give by measure or weight to men, give less than due” — Qur’an (Surah 83, “The Dealers in Fraud,” vv. 1–4)

From the hadith, the collected oral and written accounts of Muhammad (S.A.W)and his teachings during his lifetime:
A Bedouin came to the prophet, grabbed the stirrup of his camel and said: O the messenger of God! Teach me something to go to heaven with it. Prophet said: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don’t do to them. Now let the stirrup go! [This maxim is enough for you; go and act in accordance with it!]” —Kitab al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 146

“None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” —An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith 13 (p. 56)
“Seek for mankind that of which you are desirous for yourself, that you may be a believer.” —Sukhanan-i-Muhammad (Teheran, 1938)

“That which you want for yourself, seek for mankind.” “The most righteous person is the one who consents for other people what he consents for himself, and who dislikes for them what he dislikes for himself.”  Ali ibn Abi Talib (4th Caliph in Sunni Islam, and first Imam in Shia Islam) says:

“O’ my child, make yourself the measure (for dealings) between you and others. Thus, you should desire for others what you desire for yourself and hate for others what you hate for yourself. Do not oppress as you do not like to be oppressed. Do good to others as you would like good to be done to you. Regard bad for yourself whatever you regard bad for others. Accept that (treatment) from others which you would like others to accept from you… Do not say to others what you do not like to be said to you.” —Nahjul Balaghah, Letter 3

I will continue more only on Gita……..

Full of Roses or Thorns

Full of Roses or Thorns

I was screaming within myself why I have to face this life and it is like hell and I am unable to pass even 1 second and pass each second is like one day for me and it is so challenging. It is really so painful to spend each and every second in pain. Why did god give me this painful life? I never felt this kind of hell in my past bitter experiences, I have taken all pain with smiles because I considered everything as lesson of life and I never felt that I am under the bed of thorns even though those were really thorns.

Now what happened to me, why did I became so soft, so weak and I started feeling. I was literally crimping about my current situation and how my life is with full of pains and started feeling that I was the happiest person and now I feel that I am the one who is feeling the worst in life and that too because of one stupid female.

Whatever I do went wrong and whatever I think also goes wrong. Whoever come and passes by me was ready to spit on my face than to help me to get up from my difficult situations. Everyone was taking advantage of my weakness and started playing with my weakness and my anger towards this female is growing like a mountain because of the way she betrayed and cheated and spoiled my name in all the phases of my life.

I know that life can’t be full of roses only but I used to feel those thorns also as a rose and with a bright smile I will move ahead. Life is always with thorns only. It is very difficult to find a person who has not seen any thorns in his bed which is full of roses. We will never find one like that. I know that life would have been monotonous if I don’t find any challenges and leading a dull and dingy life. Only by facing the challenges and overcoming them only we have to lead a fulfilling life.

I can correct it only by one way, my attitude only. Last year I wrote about attitude and the same way I thought only my attitude is killing me.  She became close to me with that article which I wrote about attitude. Anyone can be the reason to spoil my happiness, but only attitude towards the incide is going to repair it. I want to live and lead my life more happily infront of the other person.

Neither I need to show my love nor my anger to this female, just I said to myself, life will bring in more b*****s and b——s, just tell them that you don’t need them.  Even though I understood her real color, I was unable to give rest to my mind in a feeling that I may be wrong. But all her behavior and attitudes showed that I was correct in recognizing her and all characters, mischievous behavior were against the basic ethics of humanity as well as religion aspect. It will be painful for few months or few months. After few months of time, I might look back and laugh at myself and see that all my problems were like the water on the grass and it went out of our life with the rays and shine of the sun. It is not as I see like a mountain.

Life will always have challenges – I used to have a mindset that life is full of challenges for everyone. Either we will fight with the society or with the working environment or personally at home or any struggles with friends, strangers. We have to struggle it out in all the faces if we want to come out of it. When I was earning in 3 digits, I was thinking 4 digit salary will make me happy, when I started getting 4 digits salary, I thought with 5 digits salary I will be very rich and after getting 6 digits of salary also my life was the same and then I realized that it is not in what we get, but it is in how we see it.  I know I have been so happy even without single penny in my wallet and no credit cards, no money still I was so happy. Challenges will always exist in our life.

When I had a fight with a Nursery school friend, I avoided him for and I don’t think after that I had any word with him. Then I thought I will not have any more friends in life, but I got so many friends and almost all of them were very good. Because I know that I should not let anyone to enter into my life more than myself.

For me any relationship with any scratches, I can’t take it easily. It is very difficult for me to handle anyone with little pain or hard feelings with them. It is better to avoid them than to show a fake smile at them. Till the time I fight and resolve it, I can’t be natural or true to myself.

I know we can’t be so strict in any relationship or without any scratches we can’t move ahead as well. But that’s my basic character, without clearing the misunderstanding or any itches or ill feelings, I can’t be normal. I will feel that I am cheating not only myself, but also the other person which is not possible by me. I can’t expect the other person to be like me.

When I allowed someone to enter into my life for the first time, it was hurting more and after 10 years of nice relationship, when it was broken I was feeling life as terrible. I thought I will not allow any other female to be so close in my life. But within 3-4 years someone entered so closely and damaged it more than the previous time. First time, it was so intense because the time what I have spent with her was so high as it was 10 years and at least we had a reason for the breakup and patch up.

Now neither I have spent much time with her or I don’t have any reason for the breakup nor do I wish to go for a patch up. Up to me, broken relationship will always have the scar and it will always hurt, it is better to let it go, instead of holding it. Moreover those who deserve or to be considered in any relationship will not give that pain or will not break the relationship for any reason.

I sleep in a bed full of roses only but the thorns of the rose are not in the bed, it is in my brain only, because of the hurt and pain. Human psychology is to hurt the one who hurt you and I am unable to kill that bitch in reality. I am scared that knowingly I should not do any harm to that bitch.

The More challengers we face, the more successful we become – That was the secret of my success and I was trying to drown in this problem… What a stupidity of mine? The one who did the mischiveious things in my life should feel bad and die each day instead I was dying. Why sould I go down because someone cheated me?

It is true to great extent that difficulties come for a reason, for me, I know the reason also, but why always me is the question will come when we face the problems or struggles in our life. When we feel that we are being cornered or ill -treated or misbehaved or betrayed or cheated by someone then we will always feel that we are in miserable conditions. It was not easy to take it because I have given that much attachment to that person.

When we feel that our life has become so serious then we should not consider all our problems as serious. We have to take all the problems as a game only. Life always has various states of games and it varies for every individual. For each and every person overcoming each challenge, she becomes mentally ready for the next one and in between life gives her greater gifts or pains for overcoming those challenges. Normally we go to another level by extending our comfort level a little more and deep so as to test whether we can overcome this or not.

Every challenge is an opportunity. From every challenge a person give the following opportunities, personal development and a lesson for the life time, and other one financial success.

When you move on with the challenges, you have to think that the direction of the challenge leads you towards the success of learning a lesson or to the development of your personality or it should take you to the growth of accumulating your wealth. So it’s a real challenge to spot these opportunities and to cash on them thus leading to personal and material development of one self.

Most of the times, time will teach you what you have to do and the best way is to recognize an opportunity in adversity is to get guidance from the learned personality or those who have overcome similar problems or with your own mentor and learn from the people who have been through your path. They are your best teachers. It is not easy for each and every-one to get time to read books, to listen to audio tapes from personal development experts can go a long way in helping you.

The important part of learning in life is to put whatever one has learnt into action. Without action all the lessons learned is of no use and life has no meaning. So if you want to benefit with your life mentally as well as financially start from today to put into action whatever good or bad things learnt from life before your time ends.

You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s Junk…

Boss

I started writing this content 3 years back and finally I got a chance to post it today. I was not able to make it shorter than this because the first version was 300 times more than this. My cousin wanted me to write a novel, I hope people  will have patience to read this, if so I can try to go for it as well.

I am very happy to write a note about him in my blog and he is the only person whom I respect as my professional guru and it’s my pleasure to say that I was reporting to him. Yeah I was reporting to him, not now. It is not only that I admire him as my boss and also as a person with ethics.

Whatever decisions I have taken in my life, I have no regrets and in the same way I have no regrets of leaving my previous organization, but I do regret that I will not get a boss like him in my life time.  I will not say a manager as my boss. This boss has lot of differences compared to other managers. Anyone can become a manager if they have luck.

Of course I don’t need any boss now.  I feel that I have learned the techniques from him how to be a good boss and it’s time for me to show the world what my boss taught me.

I will say one of the best periods of my career life is working under him.  Not only best period, longest tenure of my career life under one person is really a big achievement not for me but for him because I will not think anyone as my superior. I work with my own protocols and I want the person to whom I report should guide not to dictate and not to expect to handle everything by the subordinate.

I assure you that I will try to be a good boss like you.

There are people working under him for more than 4-5 years but I don’t know whether they have seen the moon light effect what I have learned from him or the feeling of having a good boss.

Generally we don’t get choices to select who should be our superior.  But I got the chance to decide under whom I have to work. When I was working as consultant I was reporting him, and I felt that I have to work under him directly. Even though I was a consultant, he has not shown any injustice to me as a consultant.

If someone asks me what are the qualities and to measure a boss, then my answer will be like Mr.Anindya Garai irrespective of his minuses….

Let me take the opportunity to wish him a very pleasant and happy birthday. Many More Happy Returns of the Day.

What is so great in him? What is there to write about him? Normally nobody wish to write about boss, if at all they write they will not write in a positive manner.

What are the techniques that I learned to write about or to think so great about him?

In simple, I can say my previous blog on attitude is also because of his teachings.

To manage a team of people:

It is easy to manage a team of people working in the same stream provided the manager/boss knows little of that stream. But it is very difficult to manage people working in different streams. Despite the diversity of occupations and the differences in individual managers under him, he handled them very gently and got the hold with him.

Most of the Managers don’t get the respect or the honor from the sub ordinates. Like a boy watching the cows in a farm is easy. Can the same boy watch the Lion, Tiger, buffalo? The reason for my high regards for him is he managed all lion, tigers and made them as cat in front of him without any swords, AK47’s. Just with a smile.

Be willing to coach and to support people

He was so good in coaching and to support his team. He was with us all the time and all his efforts were constructively to correct performance problems. Best of his part was he used to bat for his subordinates as a captain with other teams. This point I should say as one of the most important aspects of effective leadership which I learned from him. Of course I got the desire to learn it and you can’t coach someone who doesn’t wish to learn.

Provide clear route map for the team

We must be clear of what we are going to do.  Give subordinates clear-cut decisions when they are in need.

Delegation of Responsibility

Once it is assigned, then he will not worry or query what the status is till we finish the task.  Definitely he will have the on-going controls. This means following up on important issues and actions and giving sub ordinates feedback on how they are doing or how it has to be done.

Open Communication

He is very honest, open in communication, and he was very straight in the communication which allows the sub ordinates to feel the relationship as strong.

Recognition

He will recognize the right person for the right job and do it on right time. He will recognize the hard work, sincerity of the team members and also recognize for good performance more often than criticizing them for performance problems. He might not reward the people on face, but I hope he will be doing it during the performance Appraisals. Problem is only who work needs to work and the others will be taking rest which is a bad practice.

Freedom to Work

He provided an environment to work freely. He provided us the required infrastructure to work.

Secrets to share

All the people don’t get a boss to be trustworthy to the sub ordinates. If I want to watch a movie and if I wish to go, I have the trust to inform him and go. It can’t happen with all the superiors. He gave that trust and made us to be frank.

Budget for the Department

He is a boss who used to discuss the positive and negative sides of his budget, how to cut short the expenses with the existing staff and resources.

HOW TO CORRECT AND MOVE ON MISTAKES AT WORKPLACE?

He knows that under tremendous pressure, always there is room for mistakes – may be one of the reasons for his success. Not many bosses realize that it is tough to be too perfect.

Mistakes are our teachers and accepting them and learning from them help us to progress in life.

I really learned to accept the mistakes and knowing how to deal with mistakes at workplace only because of him. The trouble is in not making mistakes but to accept it to the superior as well as to correct the mistakes. In my tenure under him, I felt that I have accepted my mistakes in my work and also following the same.

When we accept the mistake, first question from him will be you did a mistake? (This shows that how much confidence he has on his sub ordinates) instead of analyzing about the reason, he will ask how to correct it. Even my mistakes will not be penalized and it really helped me a lot to do my job efficiently under him.

By confessing the mistakes, we don’t get penalized but we learn the lessons.

The same mistake will not happen under his supervision as he lets us to do mistakes and to correct. When we correct our mistakes and we will be very careful & cautious not to do the same mistakes and we know that forgetting and letting go off mistakes becomes problematic.

He gave us the work culture to learn and experiment and inspired self-assurance to all of us. It’s really tough to give freedom to the subordinates and also to give satisfaction to them.

It may not happen with another superior but I learned to accept the mistakes and I will admit my mistakes irrespective of the superior’s reactions to it. Thank you.

Man of a good character

A female and a male boss always will create problems irrespective of their age group and profiles. No matter what age bracket you fall into, you have to maintain your reputation in and out of the organization at all levels. I used to think when I was in teens, only now people will gossip and talk at the back and as you get older these will not be there but I feel that this will not stop even if you grow older. I learned from him that it is not possible to avoid these shabby thinking. Let them think do you bother about it?

Brain Health Activities

One of the best things I admire in him and I learned from him is to exercise my brain. We will be able to do anything physically or mentally only when our brain is active.  He made my brain to work so effectively, it’s vital that we should take care of our brain and use it properly.

Some of the best ways to keep your brain active include:

  • Learn new things.
  • Read as much as you can.
  • Take a class in something you enjoy.
  • Challenge yourself with crosswords, Sudoku, or similar puzzles.
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.
  • Listen Songs, Watch Movies, Plays (Even now I have the DVD’s given by you) .
  • Research and learn about new things that interest you.
  • Talk about intellectual pursuits, take a class together, or learn something new with your friends or family.
  • Even if you live alone or don’t have a lot of people you’re close to, the Internet brings brain activity boosters right to your fingertips. (of course he will comment us in a meeting room if we use the G-talk for chatting)
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.

Never write an email when you’re mad or upset

In a reactive or upset state of mind, or when you’re lacking judgment or perspective, it’s easy to act impulsively rather than with serenity and wisdom. In the click of Send button, you can confuse someone, hurt their feelings, irritate them, or even destroy a very good genuine relationship.

This is what happened with me, I sent an email to the top management against him. When some things go wrong in your personal life, and everything goes wrong in the official environment also.  I had couple of personal issues and along with those official problems as well and from both the end I lost couple of good people in my life. As I was hurt deeply and was unable to come out of the pain, I sent a rubbish mail just to cool down myself.

I learned it very late never write an email when you’re mad or upset. Even though you are hurt or the flip side of the issue is true or when you are upset with someone and tempted to share your feelings don’t choose the method of email. If you can suppress your feelings, it pays enormous dividends. Just by a single click of send if you express, it will adversely affect instead of making ourselves cool.

Normally I don’t regret for anything. Only thing for which I regret is that I did this mistake against my boss whom I respect and value more. But that was a decision taken when I was upset, I wanted to share my personal views with him and that was the reason for drafting that mail. I really feel bad of myself for not discussing the same with him in person and sending that mail and I wish and pray that I should not do it in my lifetime with anyone else.

I should not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these with me

Select the right people to staff the team/organization

I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization. I learned it from him but in a different way.

More often I remember these quotes with my boss and my experiences in my everyday routine. Even though he is not nearby me, I feel that these quotes are said by him to me.

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life, makes all the difference. He knows exactly what is the effort required and who will do it properly and he will assign it to the right person @ right time.

An expert is not someone who knows everything but ready to share what he knows. I don’t think he will share his knowledge with a person who is not going to use it.

Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – I learned this from him, I was very happy working under him, that maybe the reason for doing my work successfully. One of the reason for me to write this content, because I learned to enjoy my work when I was working under him.

I will not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these secrets or lessons, I failed to learn from him.

Select the right people to staff the team/organization – I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization.

Divide and Rule

Keeping the team separately from their domain, he knows the tactics to make the people to work for him independently by divide and rule. I really felt this after working under him for more than two years. I may be wrong but when we got the differences settled within the team, we find that the problem is with the boss not within our team. I may be wrong, but we had a feeling that boss did this. How can my boss do this to me was the first question raised in my mind, when we resolved the differences.

My Trust with my boss

The kind of trust what I had on him is unbelievable and may be it caused more pain and made me to resign. I worked under him with passion and not for money.

Sir do you know what was my belief in you? I want you to share this with all my fellow colleagues too.

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:  “Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.” The little girl said:
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.” 

What’s the difference? Father asked.
There’s a big difference, replied the little girl.
If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.  So it’s how the other person responds whether tries to hold or expecting us to hold….

Really it was nice to travel with you, it was too long journey and I felt very hard to come out of it. Even today I feel and miss that working environment. You will cross my mind at least once in an hour. (When I enter the office, the security wishing good morning, or in a meeting room lead by some project manager or a discussion with other client or when I browse in the net or in Google Talk chat….)

I feel that I should have started this blogging 3 years back instead of asking you to start to have all your discussions and ideas in a blog, I should have started so as I can have each and everything I learned from you for review or to read it when I need it.

I miss your teachings…

I miss our healthy arguments…

I miss your general discussions….

I miss your guidance to approach an issue…

Sometimes, I used to feel that you are sitting in front and used to have a chat/ heated discussions within myself and I used to get a good solution.

Sir, I know the difference of a consultant and a manager only because of you…. You wanted me to be in the management and I preferred to be a consultant… I am grown up now and prefer to be a manager. Hope to go to that level soon….

! ! ! Happy Birthday to you ! ! !