Archive | November 2014

Happy Birthday Amma

“When a mother put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world.”

Amma Happy Birthday ! ! !

A mother never exists before the birth of the kids, and I can feel so proud of being the eldest even though I have not done something great as eldest daughter.

You’ve been with me even before my birth and enthralling moment of being a mother needs to be learned from you, and one thing is for sure in this world is that You’ll stand by my side, as long as you’re on this earth.

I never gave you an opportunity to feel proud of myself as your daughter but in all the phases of my life you have been the most wonderful guide, philosopher and a friend who never made me to feel that I failed in all the phases of life.

I am still a proud daughter because I see my mother as a successful woman, independent lady, was very caring daughter for her parents, still lovable sister to her siblings, lovely lady for all the relatives and sincere and passionate hard working woman, very friendly colleague, adorable friend for everyone. Above all, you are our angel mother and the three stupid daughters are in need of you all through their life.

Today after spending 40 wonderful years with you, I am still the same useless daughter but proud of one thing is that you are my mother. Wishes can pour in all through your life from all the nook and corners, but being with you on your special day is the most wonderful moment which this daughter can do for you.

I don’t know how long it will take me to make you feel proud about this daughter but you can feel happy that all your daughters are so blessed to have you as our mother. We cherish each and every moment of your life and the moments that you dedicated for us. I love each and every small gesture of yours whether it is with us or with our kids or with our relatives or with your friends. You are the best in whatever you do ma….

A mother’s love is so special and a never-ending gift. A love from mother is always there for the kids, especially whenever the kids need a lift.

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. – we will always think of you ma.

I really don’t know how to thank you for being so kind, lovable, caring for your grown up daughters and still keeping your spirit as a mother irrespective of your age and ailments. It is very difficult for us to handle our kids as like you have done with us. we need to learn from you to be so lovable to our kids.

You are the most inspiring personality of my world and wish I could do 50% of what you have done for us.

In the recent times, whatever cranky things I do, you never get heated up or show your anger instead you are showing your love and care so generously. Especially in my last trip, if I would have considered our roles vice versa, me as a mother and you as Uma, then I would have scolded very badly for riding that huge bikes, but as a mother you shared a beautiful smile and said your bike riding looks like an advertisement for a bike.  I don’t think I can do this with my daughter in spite of me riding the bikes and bullets. Similarly for the hair cut, this looks beautiful, maintain this and it suits you and you will look like Kiran Bedi. I expected you to scold me, but with your encouragement, I felt so bad because if you can do such encouragements for these small things for which it is not required, what all you would have done if I would have shared my thoughts when I was young.

I should have written it on your 60th Birthday, but somehow missed it because of Granny’s demise and other personal reasons.

When we hear this from you on our birthday’s we feel so happy and I know on this day you will be missing your mother more than us.

Amma, I am so happy to be with you and whatever comes on my way I will handle it with this happiness of being with my beloved family.

Amma, May gods fulfill all your small personal wishes and make you happy forever as you are now.

Happy Birthday Amma.  My Prayers for the day is to keep you smile and happy at least today without showing any hard face to you.

50,000 hits

I don’t look for the counts when I post my contents but somewhat on 02-November-2014, I saw the number of counts and I was so happy that my blog has got 50,000 hits and a special milestone on a special day.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. There are some people who follow it sincerely, but I am unable to share interesting subjects and I take regular breaks due to my working environment and other tensions.

milestone

Three Roses

One of my friend asked me, how is it possible for you to love two more roses after being hurt so badly by the thorn of the first rose. It is a fact that I was against the worldly love. I don’t want to see anyone with care and concern for any matters because of the trauma I faced. But few things are like unstoppable and it happens on its own. Neither I planned for SAD nor did I plan for these two roses.

All of them entered my life in an unique way.

Three Roses (SAD/ZENO/RIYA)

In fact when Zeno entered my life, I told her, I don’t have the strength or energy to bear one more failure in my life. Whatever feeling you have for me, you can have it but I don’t think I will be able to share it in the similar way and I told her the story and to her goodness, she said I know how painful it is, but don’t ever think that you will get such pain from me.

I told her, I don’t want to give such chance for anyone in my life and I tried to be away from her for nearly about two months. Once in a while I will message her in face book and I think I would have called couple of times in two months time.

On her birthday, as I used to wish all my friends, I called her at midnight and to my surprise that voice from her made to feel so bad about me, because of two reasons. 1. She didn’t expect my call and the happiness in her voice was so sweet and memorable. 2. I was so arrogant that I didn’t show any feelings towards her till that moment, when I heard her happiness I felt like, if I can give this much happiness to someone then I must do it once again. I have to go for this love story once again. It happened with Zeno but it made a lot of difference with the entry of Riya.

If you lose a relationship in life, it means that it has to go. It entered your life with a purpose and let it go and realize that relationships are often seasonal, It is like the birth cycle whenever there is a birth, death is destined and where ever there is a beginning, an end will come.

Above all these, I have a bad habit of reading and taking things so seriously to my mind. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself. Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones. So if my first one was a mistake, it doesn’t mean that I have to die with that mistake, I can try once again as a new chapter.

Somehow it flashed like a thunder and I started to spend my time with these two little roses. Are they really roses? Not really, even these are with thorns, but now I know how to handle the thorns and I will not give up my love or I will allow them to give up me.

Both of them knows the pain what I have gone through and both used to give me more pleasant time and more painful times, but I enjoy each and every moment of it as I was with my SAD.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Above all one thing is true and I have to accept that all the relationships in this world are temporary. Most of our extended relationships are seasonal and it can end any point of time. Knowing this truth, why should I cry for the lost one or for the one who was not ready to give up her ego or for the one who doesn’t care about me? I have to think about making people around me, who care about me, who love me, who really needs my love and care. Above all who knows to understand the feelings of others, when I say this, I mean it and I feel that I was little aggressive with these two roses not to get hurt but somehow I used to hurt them badly and I will feel for it.

People are going to come and go from our life. When I thought that I met my best friend, perfect business associate, or the love of my life, I am pretty sure that I am going to fall down. The same thing I have told my SAD many times that I allowed you to enter my inner circle that means I am giving the opportunity to you to kill me.

It is normal belief in every relationship that people don’t misuse that freedom in the name of love. When it is with a mother and kid, it is of two own blood people and when it is between a husband and wife, there is a mutual relationship. But in this case, when it is between a third person what so ever we name it best friend, close friend or mother, daughter, brother sister, these relationships are temporary till the time they find their own or till the time they get satisfied with that relationship. It will never be a long lasting relationship, even though I have couple of roses and I have been a rose for couple of friends, still I am saying it because whatever we have it will go with little pain.

Even with these two roses, I don’t know when what will happen, but till the time I have them, I try to get hurt with more thorns so as by the time they leave me, I will not face the pain what I have gone through because of SAD. When I face the pain from day 1, I will not have more hurt when they give up me for something else.

Life is a cycle, what you give is what you get, but in my case it happens vice versa, what I don’t want others to feel is what I used to get… I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of love, but it happens on its own.

One thing is for sure that I still love SAD, I love my two roses also in the similar manner but with a little difference, I allowed SAD to go, but this time, I will never ever let them go apart from death. Only death can make us to separate from our love.

Riya is another rose but I have seen the thorns more than of getting the feeling of Rose. I don’t know the more time I spent with her, the more I used to remember my SAD. I used to feel that I am going to get hurt once again with Riya like that.

Best thing about Riya was, she didn’t even allowed me to call her and she called me on her birthday and asked me to wish her and made me cry literally thinking my SAD. I missed her birthday but I didn’t feel that I missed these lovely girls birthdays. I was not nearby them but they gave me the comfort that their day was best with my wishes. One good thing is I was given a chance to celebrate all the three girls birthday’s and not with any of them.

I have to say that even if I keep quiet for a day, my beloved roses can’t do that with me. They will try to know about me either ways and with Riya, I have to say that she will keep on fighting with me, but she will never end any communication with me. She can’t keep silence even for few hours and I realized it with so many fights in between us. Even if I try not to ping her or message her or even if I don’t respond to her texts, she will call me to find out how I am and she will message my close circle to know about my whereabouts.

You don’t need to drink the sea water to taste whether the whole water is salty or not. It is a known fact that sea waters are salty. Some of the characters of the human are unique with each other and with these roses, love was free flowing whereas with SAD, it is very hard stone and I broke my heart and head by banging on it. Still it is my sweet adorable darling, because of whom i got two more roses.

Today I can’t show my love free flowing as i was doing it with SAD, because I have a fear of failure and fear of losing my relationship and I am scared to talk to them as free as i was doing it with my SAD. Sometimes, these roses will be feeling the differences, but it is not because that i don’t trust them and it is because of the pain and hurt what i have undergone in the past.

My slogan for both of them is I know how strong my love is and wherever you people are you can’t live without my thoughts, even if we are destined to get separated. I love to give that impact and I love to get that impact. whether it is positive or negative, I have that impact of SAD with me. whatever i do, i get a feeling of my love for her or the pain what I have got from her.

This will keep on…. God took one rose from me and gave two roses, instead of looking at the closed doors, I opened the two doors and I long to knock the closed doors also because of that door only I know that this kind of love is so beautiful………… Pain is inevitable in any love stories.

Vacation 2014

Vacations are always good and when it is after a long gap (for me long gap is 5 months time and a long vacation (15 days)) means a lot. Especially when I recall the vacation 2012, it was little horrible and still I am unable to forget it or erase it from my mind.

I went with lot of plans that I need to go and meet many of my friends in different states, districts, cities, but nothing happened and I was not able to move out of my house, as I started with painting and doing small household requirements. it was looking like a small task but it took nearly 9 days of my vacation.

I went to celebrate my Chithi’s Birthday and my son Rahul’s Birthday. I had very good time back home and it was a very pleasant trip by all means.

I just got a day to take break from my regular routines at home and went to Tiruchendur, it was a planned trip but unplanned trip. I don’t want to miss that great opportunity of meeting the one who made my life beautiful with her love.

Two years back I had the similar feeling when I was about to go for a vacation. It was like as if I am leaving my soul and going home like a dead body. But this time I was in search of my soul somewhere. I know it lies with the three sweet hearts.

My heart was beating little faster, in an anxiety as I was feeling like when I left my SAD for the first time. This time I was about to meet my 2 SAD and was in a fear how I will handle the situation.

I didn’t do any advance booking for the travel neither for the bus nor for the hotel accommodations. Just packed the bag and asked my brother to drop me in the bus terminus, we booked the ticket and I called SAD and told, we will meet in the morning.

To her surprise, it was a working day and she said we will meet by 1:00 PM, she can get permission for the second half and come and meet me.

So I planned to take a room and get freshen up and thought to offer a visit and prayer to my Favorite God.

I reached Tiruchendur around 9:10 AM and it was shocking news that they don’t provide hotel accommodation for single person. I was terrified and thought to meet my relatives but I felt that they will be busy with their schedules as it was not a planned trip, so I don’t want to disturb also.

I called up my cousin who can get me accommodation in any cities in India. He asked me to wait for 10 minutes and a guy from his office called me and helped me to get into a hotel. With great difficulty I got the accommodation and this was really a terrified experience. A Special thanks to the guy Sankar who helped me and was trying to stay connected till end of my journey, even though I said a bid-adieu to him as soon as I got the accommodation.

After 1 hour struggle got into the room, had a quick Darshan in the temple. Always Tiruchendur lord is beautiful. Temple is on the shores and I love the temple and the shores for bringing the peace from outside to inside.

Most of the time, I go with my family only and this time I was alone, the waves were beautiful and calling me to come and play with me. But somehow my mind was not allowing to settle down or to go and enjoy as I used to do. At that moment I was missing my family and especially was recalling my last trip.

Waiting to meet ZENO continued till end of the day, initially we planned to meet around 1, then it got changed to 4, finally I could meet her only at 6.30PM.

I can’t describe in words how that feeling was, but nevertheless to say that it was breath taking moment in my life. My ZENO with her mother and it was an embarrassed moment but both of them made me to feel comfortable.

Normally I am hasty person and I don’t like to wait or waste my time on anything. Especially waiting like this, I have done long long ago for a friend who told will come as per our schedule and reached after 7 hours. That was the time where we were not having any other mode of communications other than the face to face meeting or office land line numbers.

When I was waiting for her, I was thinking to go to the beach, play in the beach; I was not able to do it. I thought I will call my friends and chat for some time, I was not able to call anyone. I thought I will talk to Riya, I didn’t inform her that I am going to meet ZENO. It is better to think about my SAD, I was not able to think about her rather than feeling tensed and getting ready to meet ZENO. I don’t know how many rehearsals I would have done to have that first meeting.

Unfortunately none of my trials helped in reality. She was so cool and made me to feel embarrassed with her chill cool character. I was so tensed to meet her with her mother and she entered the room so casually. With my SAD, I never had a chance to meet her  at her residence, I don’t know how it would have been, even though she made me to meet all her relatives, still we never got a chance to meet at residence.

When Zeno came with her mother, I was so surprised and shocked to see her mother’s reaction. Her daughter is calling someone as mother and meeting that stranger with her own mother is somewhat a difficult task for me. I can call them as my daughters but not in front of their parents, because I know what kind of pain/feeling they will be undergoing.

At that point I was tensed to meet her mother, but when I saw her, I was not nervous as I was thinking. I love dynamic ladies and after seeing her mother, I realized that Zeno will be capable of handling anything and she doesn’t need my support. She was cool and we didn’t feel that we are strangers. We had a cup of coffee and then went to her house.

ZENO I don’t know how to describe about her, she is such a sweet personality and adorable darling because that is how I used to call my SAD. She didn’t replace SAD and she also told me that I can’t replace her but I will not give that kind of pain to you and she was ready to be away from me without any communications as I told her that I am not comfortable for any new relationship in my life due to SAD.

There is only one similarity between my SAD, ZENO, Riya all are Muslims and the way they all entered my life is so beautiful and unique way. With SAD, I got the different feeling, whereas with these two they came to me as my kids.

SAD entered because of my blogs, Zeno entered my life through FB with an interesting fight. Somehow all the 3 are fighting queens and especially 3rd one I don’t know it is like a donkey, if you go front, it will push and if you go from back, it will kick.

Anything you get after a long waiting makes you to feel blessed. It was such kind of moment.

Jealous

Most of my contents are about the people who touched my life in beautiful ways, but this content is about someone whom I hate from the bottom of my heart. Why should I hate this person without any reason?

Reason is Jealous – Is this a natural feeling Jealousness or being forced in us?

Jealous is one of the subjects which I love to discuss at this point of time, because in the recent times, I was addicted to this word not because of very special person of my life or someone whom I can’t live without or someone whom I love so deeply. This has nothing to those who are so close to me. Usually we get the feeling of jealous when we are close to someone and we name it as possessiveness in the beginning. In reality, it is not possessiveness.

Normally we are very fond of getting ‘Jealous’, and I feel almost everyone in the world is fascinated. Jealousy grows in us in different way, either from ourselves or from the other person also. Jealous leads either to growth or downfall in any relationship or in any matters.

bless-storm

I don’t know ‘Jealous’ can influence me to this level to hate someone whom I am not going to see in my life time or to avoid the person whom I am close with for my life time. I am writing about someone with whom I have not interacted. I have not seen her or even I don’t even know anything about her other than her name. I hate her for that one reason that she has the same name as my name as her first name.

It is a true fact that she became close to my brother only because of her name. When my brother told me, I should have asked him not to continue any stupid bondage with that female, but I never used to feel such kind of feelings and I was not interested to know about her name also. I came to know about her name also after sometime only. Even he told me, if you say, don’t talk to her, I will not talk to her, but why should i say him talk to her or don’t talk to her.

I am surprised to see that I got the jealousy with a person who is neither close to me or even closer to the person who is the reason for it. I mean, I can see him, touch him, slap him, sit with him and have a dinner, watch a movie with him, go with him in his bike, can take photographs with him instantly, I can ask him to prepare food for me, the moment I think, I can meet him, the moment I feel like I have to talk to him, I can pick up my phone and call him, I can scold him, I can do whatever I want with him, normally jealous comes only with those who are closer or someone who is nearest to competition with us.

I think my brother is the reason for all the drama’s because he has nothing to talk to me other than blabbering about that woman. He doesn’t know how to handle it and because of that he created this so called rivalry or jealousy.

It is not only with me, even with him, it is the same case, if he says I want to see you now, I can login to skype and if he says I want to meet you in person, I will fly for him during the weekend. He will not see the time or the day to call me or to message me. I never allowed him to long for my message or for my replies, may be that was my mistake and was readily available for him to share his instant feelings. I did it in a feeling that I know how difficult it is for a person to care and to be cared and I have given all the respect for his love and care.

To get a message from her, he has to wait for her lunch time, to get a call he has to long for the Sunday to come and there are many more things which he will not get as he gets through me. But whatever 10 minutes or 10 hours of time he spends with her makes him to feel happy and that was the reason for me to keep silence.

She is no where nearer. She has not seen India for the last 10 years. Even if she meets him, it will be temporary. I am of the person who will not care even if the other person leaves me for such stupid reason. That too if he goes behind her, I will be happy so as I don’t need to handle this immatured guy, who doesn’t have any value for others feelings and it is her responsibility to handle him.

Many of us cannot see if someone else does better than us. But I am not of this kind of person to feel jealous. If she can do better I will be happy to leave him forever. I have my own style of handling people. I have many more in the queue and if one gets reduced, I will get two more in the queue to love me more than him. I am not able to give my time for those who are in my queue.

I know how much I used to smile, when I give my hand as an help to my colleague or to a friend or a stranger. I know how much happiness I gave to a stranger couple of days back, I know for sure that neither this brother of mine or his new female friend can give it to anyone in that manner. It was just a matter of trying to help him, fortunately I was able to help him and the way he blessed me made me to feel that I was in heaven at that point of time. I don’t need to go to people to make them happy, god sends them when they need it. Even this guy was sent to me in a special way by god. I never considered him as a stranger but today he became a stranger because of his own actions. what you sow is what you reap, and punishment is for me.

If he can leave me, for the person whom he has not seen or not felt any sort of love and care, then it is not worth to hold him for any reason. But the way he created the jealous, he needs to be punished, I know this is not a punishment for him, but I will take it as a punishment for me because of giving my love and care for a person who doesn’t know the value of it.

I don’t need to understand about that educated foreigner because who doesn’t have anything to do with me, but the one who was with me for close to 3 years should think of all and decide what he needs in his life. I have many questions for that female, but it is all useless to question a 3rd person. I feel that I wasted my 3 years of time with him. For sure that he is going to lose many more in life if he continues with the same attitude. This is not childish behavior, but criminal, crooked and wickedness.

If I was possessive like him, I would not have allowed anyone in his life but I was not possessive, then how did this jealous came into my life?  Life cannot be possessed and I know for sure that I cannot have him in my fist. That is one of the reasons for me to set him free, if he was destined to be with me, he will be with me, and if not let him go. I have to feel happy that it is not my destiny to hold a person who can influence negativity in me.

 A heart that has jealous cannot love, and similarly a heart that loves cannot be jealous. But somehow he has planted the jealous and created a rivalry between two innocent females.  I used to feel for any relationship has validity, with you I never felt that it has expiry date but yours is also seasonal and the season is over. Wish you at least to keep it alive with the other person.

I cannot hold the other person not to include intruders in between any relationship. Trespassers will come and go and we need to struggle all through the life because of these weird people.

To be honest, I used to tell my friends that you can’t create jealous in me and you are feeling jealous and created this jealous because that jealousy you have received as and inheritance. Those who knows his new relationship, none of them like him to be close with the new female and everyone suggested him to be away or they don’t even care about what is going on his life. It was not a natural relationship as it was in between us.

People Only Get Jealous, When They Care. If you understand the concept of love in deep, we will not get jealous when others care, because people need only care not the person. If it is being given to you by me or by the person with my name, am not concerned. If someone can make you happy, I will feel happy because I don’t have time to think who is doing as I am busy in making others happy. I don’t have time to miss someone who doesn’t have the love and care for me and I am really busy with my loved ones.

Giving freedom is a joy, having freedom is a joy. I am not a fool to hug a cactus and say that it hurts me. Either live happily or say good-bye happily. There is no reason to hold it.

Real love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain.

It’s your birthday baby

Happy Birthday to you, My Dear lovely angel.

What a splendid way to wish you on this day my dear Sweet Adorable Darling. Many More Happy Returns of the Day, May god bless you all the happiness of the world. Whatever happiness I have got from you were the most happiest moments and the pleasant memories what I have in my life. Thank you for showering those precious moments in my life.

Happy-Birthday-Nadi

Life has ups and downs and I have seen many downs and I never had any regret for it, but when this day comes, I really regret and feel that I missed the one and only opportunity which god gave me to celebrate it with you was lost because of my poor planning.  Even though I tried a lot to celebrate it with you, I could not do it.

She LOVES ME ! She really LOVES me ! (Not….), 

Whether she loves me or not I will keep on loving her till my last breath. Love is like the AIR, we can’t see it, but without it, we can’t live our life. Similarly you are like AIR for me, I can’t see you, I can’t touch you but I can feel your presence. Sometimes I used to feel that one special breath I inhale has come from your country and when I release it, it touches you. That’s enough for me for this life. I used to miss you when we were messaging, when we were talking, when we were around each other, and I miss you now and forever. There are some people who come into our life and go without giving any impression, you have given so strong impact in my life that I see everyone as SAD. That special feeling was kindled by you and am showering it to many in my life. I have to be thankful to you for entering my life in such a beautiful way. God has a plan and way for each one.

no-matter-memories

Happy Birthday my Dear, I know that you will have a wish to hear this from you me (Mind was saying that I wish to hear from you) and your heart will get a unique beat when you feel that I am wishing you on this day. I may not be in your world but you are my world. Some words are very beautiful when it is meant for you, this Happy Birthday is also one such beautiful word for me on this special day, I miss you now and forever.

Happy-Birthday-Roses-Nadi1

I have got couple of Angels more in my life, one of them used to say tell me why are you feeling so much for the one who left you without any reason? If at all she has some love for you, she would have messaged you at least once, you are thinking and feeling for the one whom you lost and who doesn’t care about you. Don’t give your life for the one who has forgotten you totally. Don’t try to think about her and don’t try to forget her also, as the way you think more to forget her, you will keep on haunting yourself. Don’t lose the one who are so closed to you and love you.

Other one was saying whatever the earlier one said was correct only but wherever she is she will be thinking about you. Even I think that you will be thinking about me. Even though you will not think the way I think about you, but for sure you will be thinking at least once in a day. That moment is the precious moment and I am sure that I will get notified about it. I have to say thanks to those two wonderful hearts for consoling me and convincing me. Both used to say that they can’t replace you and it can’t be also. Each one of you is unique and the feeling what I have got because of you three are unique which I can’t express in words.

My Dear SAD, I got a beautiful dream of you with your kid.  My prayers and wishes are always there with you and hope my god has shown me even before I get any news from you. The greatest Happiness of your life for me is to see you with your kid and god has shown me that most precious moment of my life.

god-mother

Wherever you are “Let Peace and Happiness be yours”. May God Bless you ! ! !