One of my friend asked me, how is it possible for you to love two more roses after being hurt so badly by the thorn of the first rose. It is a fact that I was against the worldly love. I don’t want to see anyone with care and concern for any matters because of the trauma I faced. But few things are like unstoppable and it happens on its own. Neither I planned for SAD nor did I plan for these two roses.
All of them entered my life in an unique way.
Three Roses (SAD/ZENO/RIYA)
In fact when Zeno entered my life, I told her, I don’t have the strength or energy to bear one more failure in my life. Whatever feeling you have for me, you can have it but I don’t think I will be able to share it in the similar way and I told her the story and to her goodness, she said I know how painful it is, but don’t ever think that you will get such pain from me.
I told her, I don’t want to give such chance for anyone in my life and I tried to be away from her for nearly about two months. Once in a while I will message her in face book and I think I would have called couple of times in two months time.
On her birthday, as I used to wish all my friends, I called her at midnight and to my surprise that voice from her made to feel so bad about me, because of two reasons. 1. She didn’t expect my call and the happiness in her voice was so sweet and memorable. 2. I was so arrogant that I didn’t show any feelings towards her till that moment, when I heard her happiness I felt like, if I can give this much happiness to someone then I must do it once again. I have to go for this love story once again. It happened with Zeno but it made a lot of difference with the entry of Riya.
If you lose a relationship in life, it means that it has to go. It entered your life with a purpose and let it go and realize that relationships are often seasonal, It is like the birth cycle whenever there is a birth, death is destined and where ever there is a beginning, an end will come.
Above all these, I have a bad habit of reading and taking things so seriously to my mind. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself. Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones. So if my first one was a mistake, it doesn’t mean that I have to die with that mistake, I can try once again as a new chapter.
Somehow it flashed like a thunder and I started to spend my time with these two little roses. Are they really roses? Not really, even these are with thorns, but now I know how to handle the thorns and I will not give up my love or I will allow them to give up me.
Both of them knows the pain what I have gone through and both used to give me more pleasant time and more painful times, but I enjoy each and every moment of it as I was with my SAD.
At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
Above all one thing is true and I have to accept that all the relationships in this world are temporary. Most of our extended relationships are seasonal and it can end any point of time. Knowing this truth, why should I cry for the lost one or for the one who was not ready to give up her ego or for the one who doesn’t care about me? I have to think about making people around me, who care about me, who love me, who really needs my love and care. Above all who knows to understand the feelings of others, when I say this, I mean it and I feel that I was little aggressive with these two roses not to get hurt but somehow I used to hurt them badly and I will feel for it.
People are going to come and go from our life. When I thought that I met my best friend, perfect business associate, or the love of my life, I am pretty sure that I am going to fall down. The same thing I have told my SAD many times that I allowed you to enter my inner circle that means I am giving the opportunity to you to kill me.
It is normal belief in every relationship that people don’t misuse that freedom in the name of love. When it is with a mother and kid, it is of two own blood people and when it is between a husband and wife, there is a mutual relationship. But in this case, when it is between a third person what so ever we name it best friend, close friend or mother, daughter, brother sister, these relationships are temporary till the time they find their own or till the time they get satisfied with that relationship. It will never be a long lasting relationship, even though I have couple of roses and I have been a rose for couple of friends, still I am saying it because whatever we have it will go with little pain.
Even with these two roses, I don’t know when what will happen, but till the time I have them, I try to get hurt with more thorns so as by the time they leave me, I will not face the pain what I have gone through because of SAD. When I face the pain from day 1, I will not have more hurt when they give up me for something else.
Life is a cycle, what you give is what you get, but in my case it happens vice versa, what I don’t want others to feel is what I used to get… I don’t want anyone to feel pain because of love, but it happens on its own.
One thing is for sure that I still love SAD, I love my two roses also in the similar manner but with a little difference, I allowed SAD to go, but this time, I will never ever let them go apart from death. Only death can make us to separate from our love.
Riya is another rose but I have seen the thorns more than of getting the feeling of Rose. I don’t know the more time I spent with her, the more I used to remember my SAD. I used to feel that I am going to get hurt once again with Riya like that.
Best thing about Riya was, she didn’t even allowed me to call her and she called me on her birthday and asked me to wish her and made me cry literally thinking my SAD. I missed her birthday but I didn’t feel that I missed these lovely girls birthdays. I was not nearby them but they gave me the comfort that their day was best with my wishes. One good thing is I was given a chance to celebrate all the three girls birthday’s and not with any of them.
I have to say that even if I keep quiet for a day, my beloved roses can’t do that with me. They will try to know about me either ways and with Riya, I have to say that she will keep on fighting with me, but she will never end any communication with me. She can’t keep silence even for few hours and I realized it with so many fights in between us. Even if I try not to ping her or message her or even if I don’t respond to her texts, she will call me to find out how I am and she will message my close circle to know about my whereabouts.
You don’t need to drink the sea water to taste whether the whole water is salty or not. It is a known fact that sea waters are salty. Some of the characters of the human are unique with each other and with these roses, love was free flowing whereas with SAD, it is very hard stone and I broke my heart and head by banging on it. Still it is my sweet adorable darling, because of whom i got two more roses.
Today I can’t show my love free flowing as i was doing it with SAD, because I have a fear of failure and fear of losing my relationship and I am scared to talk to them as free as i was doing it with my SAD. Sometimes, these roses will be feeling the differences, but it is not because that i don’t trust them and it is because of the pain and hurt what i have undergone in the past.
My slogan for both of them is I know how strong my love is and wherever you people are you can’t live without my thoughts, even if we are destined to get separated. I love to give that impact and I love to get that impact. whether it is positive or negative, I have that impact of SAD with me. whatever i do, i get a feeling of my love for her or the pain what I have got from her.
This will keep on…. God took one rose from me and gave two roses, instead of looking at the closed doors, I opened the two doors and I long to knock the closed doors also because of that door only I know that this kind of love is so beautiful………… Pain is inevitable in any love stories.