Archive | June 2014

பிள்ளை நிலா இரண்டும் வெள்ளை நிலா

காரணமின்றி இன்று எனக்குள் மரண பயம் வருவதேன்

மரணத்தில் ஓய்வு பெறுகிறோம் என்கின்ற எண்ணம் நான் ஜனித்தது முதல் நேற்று வரை உண்டு. எந்த நேரத்திலும் மரணம் என்னை மணந்தால் சந்தோசம் என்றே  கூறித் திரிந்தேன.

 எங்கோ அலைந்து பாய்ந்து திரியும் நதி கடலை அடைந்ததும் ஓய்வு பெறுவது போல இரண்டு நதிகளின் சங்கமத்தில் கொஞ்சம் அதிர்ந்து இருக்கிறேன். ஆயினும் இந்த் நதிகளிடன் இத்தனை நாளை எங்கிருந்தாய் என்றே கேட்கிறேன்…… உங்கள் சங்கமத்திற்காக இந்த கடல் காத்திருந்ததோ????

 எங்கோ பிறந்து, எங்கோ வளர்ந்து நான் காணாத் துயரங்களை கண்டவர்கள் என்னைக் கண்டவுடன் என்னுள் ஒய்வு கொள்வது கனவா?இல்லை நிஜமா???

 ஒருவராக இருந்தால் நிஜம் என்று எனக்கு நானே சொல்லி ஆறுதல் தந்து இருப்பேன்.

இருவரின் அன்பினில் திக்குமுக்காடி போகிறேனே… அப்போதும் விளங்க முடியாமல் எனக்குளிருக்கும் தவிப்பு அவர்களிடமும் உள்ளதே

 அந்த தவிப்புக்கு அர்த்தம் என்ன??  எப்படி இரு இதயமும் ஒரே விதமாய் எனக்காக??

 எனக்கு மரணத்தை வா என்று என் இருகரம் கூப்பி அழைத்திட மனம் துடிக்கிறது, ஆனாலும் மரணத்தை அனைக்க என்னுள் ஒரு புதுவித பயம் வருகிறதே…. எனக்காக வாழ்ந்த வாழ்க்கை எப்போது முடிந்தாலும் சுகமே, ஆனால் இப்போது இந்த் இரு நிலவுகளின் பெயரால் அன்றோ வாழ்கிறேன்.

இரு நிலவுகளுடன் நான்

இரு நிலவுகளுடன் நான்

அவள் சொன்னது போல்  என்னை காணும் அந்த தருணம் வரை எனக்கான உயிர் இருக்க வேண்டும்… அவளைக் கண்டு என் கண்கள் சிரிக்க வேண்டும். அவள் கூறிய அனைத்தும் என்னுடன் அவள் விளையாட வேண்டும்…

ஒரு வருடம் இல்லை என் ஆயுள் முழுவதும் வேண்டும் இவர்களது அன்பு, ஆயினும் ஒரு நாள், ஒரு முறைக் கண்ட பின் என் உயிர் பிரிந்தால் என்னைப் போன்று ஒரு பாக்கியசாலி இந்த உலகினில் யாரும் இல்லை என்று பெருமிதத்தோடு சொல்லுவேன் – நான் எனது பிறவியின் பயன் அடைந்தேன் என்று…….

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நட்பிற்கே நீ ஒரு படைப்பாளி

 கவியரசனின் பிறந்த நாளில் எந்தன் படைப்பாளிக்கான படைப்பு

அவன் தூரிகையில் அவனது அவதாராம்

Image

தன் எழுத்துக்களால்

அனைவரையும்

ஆட்கொள்வான்

(ஆட்கொல்வானும்)இவன்

தனக்கு தானே

புனை பெயர் சூட்டிக்

கொண்டான்

எழுத்திலும் வல்லவன் தான்

எழுத்துகலன் மட்டுமல்ல

தூரிகையிலும்

தூதுவிடுவான் இவன்

தேவதைகளும், தாரகைகளுடன்

போட்டிப் போடுவார்கள்,

அவன் தூரிகை

தங்களிடம் பேசவேண்டும் என்று

தேவதைகளும் தோற்று போவர்

இவன் தூரிகை பேசிய

எம்குலப் பெண்களின்

படைப்புகளில்

இவனது படைப்புகளில்

கருத்து தெரிந்தால்

காமம் இல்லை,

காமம் என்றாலும்

வார்த்தைகளால்

விளையாடுவான்

அவனது எழுத்துக்களை

வாசிக்குமுன் உதடுகளில்

புன்னகை

அவனோடு சண்டையிடும்போது

மனதில் புன்னகை

எளியவருக்கு அன்பானவன்

ஏழைகளின் நண்பன்

படித்தாரி தான்

ஆனால் கபடதாரி அல்ல,

அன்பானவர்கள் அனைவருக்கு

இவன் படைப்பாளி

பல படைப்புகளுக்கு உன்னோடு சண்டை போட்டதுண்டு அது தூய நட்பின் நம்பிக்கையில். பல படைப்புகளில் உன்னால் எனது அறிவுக்கும் உணர்வுக்கும் சண்டை வந்ததும் உண்டு. ஆயினும் என்னைவிட்டு பிரிய விடாமல், அந்த திராவிடனாக (விடாது கருப்பு) என்று என் கரம் பிடித்து உன் நட்பில் என்னை அழைத்துச் செல்லும் அழகை ஆராதிக்கிறேன்.

என் வாழ் நாள் உள்ள வரை என் இதய துடிப்புகள் உனக்கு நன்றிகள் சொல்லும் உன் அன்பான அறிமுகத்திற்கு…. என் வாழ்க்கையில் நீயும் ஒரு பிரம்மனாகவே இருக்கிறாய் பல அறிமுகத்தில். எதற்கு என்று நான் சொல்ல வேண்டாம், அந்த கடவுளின் (பாலாஜி) பெயரால் நன்றிக் கடன்களுடன் நம் பயணம் தொடரும்…… இன்று போல் என்றும் வாழ்க….. வாழ்க வளமுடன்.,

 

என்றும் உன்னுடன்

 சீற்றத்தில் சீதையாகவே

Survival of the Working Women

Today I was in a mood to write about house wives, but suddenly something in my routine stuck me very badly to write about the sufferings of the working women.

It is a known truth that the women have to face problems by desirable feature of being women.  I am discussing today about the women who are paid for their employment. This article is not about the bread-winners of the family. For the bread winners there is no option, they have to work for the sake of the survival, but these women are not working for their luxurious life. There are some who are very ambitious and wants to shine in their professional life. There are some women come for work whose husbands do not earn enough or they are unable to handle the burden of the family.

Those women who are at home are not anyway lesser than the working women, but working women has to do both the role with utmost care and concern without being disturbed in both their professional and personal life. 

All the successful women in their career are through sufferings only. All our success are with great sufferings.

It is a subject which is going on in my mind for some time but now the time has come by seeing the struggles with the married women who are working with me. I wanted to discuss about those working women to their husbands and to tell them about the problems of the women who earns equal or more than their husbands and doesn’t know or don’t have time to know anything about the outside world other than the family and working environment.

There was a time where the women will choose their career like nursing, teachers, secretaries and those jobs that are in the assembly sector (routine job), wherein they restrict their career growth for the welfare of the family and to take care of their beloved kids. Now the trend has changed drastically, wherein women work more competitive with men and spend equally or more time in the working environment.

The struggle for the women starts even before getting a job; she has to start the fight for the role as the gender bias creates an obstacle at the recruitment stage itself as she is a woman.

The age-old belief of male superiority over women creates several hurdles for women at their place of work. The age differences comes in as an issue, if she is young, then it is harmful to have her within a group of guys, if she is older than also it is difficult to have her in mid of young guys as they don’t feel comfortable.

Women on the way up to the corporate ladder find it very difficult because that they have to be much better than their male colleagues to reach the top. These women are not given equal importance to climb up in the ladder but they have to give extra mile to climb up.

Once at the top male colleagues and subordinates often expect much greater ability and efficiency from a woman boss than from a male boss.  As a woman even I have the bias due to the social and psychological belief, I don’t lend support to have women in my team.  (Because they cannot stay back and work)

Working in such conditions inevitably put much greater strain on women than what men experience. These problems tend to make women less eager to progress in their careers. Indeed many of them choose less demanding jobs for which they may even be over-qualified. A woman’s work is not merely confined to paid employment.

It is really irritating factor for me to feel for them because I don’t like to feel pity for someone or for self. If at all I can do something, I will prefer to do it for them and not feeling pity for them.

In the recent times, when I see the sincere, hard-working women who are married and sufferings back home after their work or during the working hours really makes me to feel irritated and I want to become one more Kannagi to destroy these kind of men in the society.I can hear that someone saying why not as Phoolan Devi, Yes I do want to become anything to stop these atrocities, arrogance of the stupid men.

These married working women who have to almost or always shoulder the burden of household chores very well than the working environment. A woman could still bear up with these problems if she had control over the money she earns. But in most families even now her salary is given to father, husband or in-laws. So the basic motive for seeking employment of getting independence is totally nullified in many women’s case.

There are some women who don’t know what the pin number of their ATM cards is and simply they will say husband will take care of everything. I don’t even know what is their bank balance is, he handles the financial part for our family.  He should handle the financial part of the family without depending on the women’s salary is the role of the head of the family.

A woman has to work, earn, be at home on time, take care of the kids, serve the husband like a slave, are we calling this as women freedom?

When I see the husbands calling their wives to know about their whereabouts during working hours and I see some of the male colleagues receiving the calls from their house wives who are at home.  By large there is a lot of changes in the communications of a call from a husband to wife and from a wife to husband.

When it is from a husband to wife, the woman who is working has to tell he husband about her whereabouts or what she is doing without even thinking about the surroundings.

Indian working women do not get the respect they need from their male colleagues in the workplace, it is because of these Indian men who doesn’t know to give respect to their wives as a professional.

When it is from a house wife to her husband, the guy from his desk responds instantly that he is busy with work without even thinking about the surroundings. Is it because of the gender bias or is it because that the house wife is disturbing the man who is at work? Is it not a disturbance call for the working woman from her husband when she is at work?

When these husbands will realize that their wives are not given a separate cabin to discuss or explain the routine of hers from office. Even those guys sitting inside a cabin will not be lovable or soft speaking to their wives as everyone works under pressure.

Why don’t these men think that these domestic pressures in women will lead to physical and mental problems like depression and psychiatric problems?

When our gentlemen(still I am calling you guys as gentlemen for the care and concern) will realize that women also have the career aspirations?  

I really don’t understand these men, why do they want their woman to work, if they don’t trust or give them the liberty to work?  We women are not fools to spend our time at office unnecessarily. There are men who will go for playing snooker, billiards, table tennis or any other sports as part of their working time, but it will be very difficult for these men to find out such woman who is ready to leave their responsibility of their kitchen and kids and going for playing for their self relaxation or for health consciousness.

My dear gentlemen, provide your wife the comfort that she is a professional and accept that you are a husband of a professional woman. I have seen guys who never question their wives while they are at work. I really admire those guys for giving that freedom to work. It is a boon for the wives and these wives can see success in the corporate sector and it is easy for them to climb the ladder when they get the support from their better half. Even if they don’t get the support in the household works, women can manage it, but if the husbands become bitter half, then their personal and professional life goes for a toss.

Balancing the personal and professional environment is not an easy task and those who are trying to show their manliness qualities of having rights to know about their wives, please try to handle these responsibilities of women for two weeks, then you will come to know who is the stronger/strongest and I wish that wives also should start questioning these men in such a way they have to leave both their personal and professional life which is very obvious from a man, but a woman will stay stronger with a smile and say them better luck next time.

There are lots of issues that they face in the working environment which can be shared with the husbands and few cannot be shared even with the husbands not in an intention to hide it from them, but to keep them cool and happy. The sufferings of women if known to men, we think that the men will feel for it and repent badly for making their wives to work for the sake of the family.

When we can think on your behalf, why don’t you think on our behalf? Is the brain of women only has got the ability to think for men? Why don’t these men think from their wives shoes? When will this change come in place and when can we see our ladies doing their work happily without having a fear of personal life? When can I see the natural smile of my fellow colleagues without any mental trauma?

I hope answers will get in few decades with the next generation or the male chauvinism will still go on forever?

Dawn as Dusk

Dawn as Dusk

This is one of the subject which I never tried to touch because I am a rebellion (I often say to my friends that I will hit you, I will slap you, I will kill you and so on) but I am not a terrorist to hear/talk/see/feel the terrorism.

I landed Chennai on a Thursday 01st May’2014 which is unusual for me as I will land on Friday’s. As usual I asked my brother to come and pick me from the airport, another brother who was very busy with his activities told me that he will meet me in the airport to share his Hard disk drive to copy the movies. We met on the way just for one minute and we left the place.

I was not aware that a major terrific incident happened because of my overwhelmed joy of being with my family. Even while roaming within my area, when I saw more police force and tight security, I was making fun with my friend that a VIP is in the Area that’s why this security checks. I was not aware of the attack.

A story of a young girl which was supposed to be as like a sunrise for the family but even before raising, the downfall happened for the family.

When I heard that a girl of 23 years Swathi died in the bomb blast, I was really shocked but due to my trip and tight schedule I was not able to think about it more than feeling sorry for the incident.

When I was trying for a subject to share my feelings, my brother who met me on the way to the airport asked me to write about it as he went straight a way to the Central Railway Station for his interest in natural photography. He was able to see the bomb blast happened place within few hours and he has seen the dead-body of Swathi.

Today while I am talking about the terrorism, he asked me to talk about this subject and said I have seen her dead-body and I have the moral rights to ask you to write about her dreams.

I was in Mumbai when the serial blasts happened in the trains and I know how or in what the situation of the family members when the people travel in the similar kind of situations. How eagerly people will be waiting to know that their blood is safe, friend is in a safer place and so on.

I was not a victim of such terrific activities, but I was thinking that if I was in that situation what would have happened in my life? I have lived more years compared to Swathi, but still I wouldn’t prefer to die before achieving atleast 10% of my wishes in life. To be frank, I cannot dream for another girl, because my dreams are countless, but I can think what all dreams she would have got in her life.

She was in her 23 years when she attained the abode of god, but in a terrific way. Was it destined to her? No, it was the gift provided by the terrorist, for what? There is no reason in her death.

What all she missed in her life?

Her education, got her a job, when she succeeded in her studies, she would have dreamt to work in some big IT companies, her dreams got fulfilled by getting a job in TCS.

First month salary, I wanted to spend with family & friends, and I want to go back and meet them after saving hand full of money.

She was going back to her native after 4 months of time. She wanted to gift her parents with her first month earnings. What best a daughter could think of doing with her first salary? She bought the gifts but she got a gift of death even before giving the gifts or sharing the joy of her first salary with her family. What a tragedy? Can anyone think of this? Why ? what is the reason behind this tragedy? Has anyone taken security measures?

Whether she was in love or not, I don’t know anything about her. But as a female with sound knowledge, good-looking, soft personality, and friendly person, who is passionate towards whatever she does, would have got colorful dreams about her guy, marriage, life etc.,

Either she would have chosen a guy of her choice or her parent’s choice. Definitely she would have got a sweet dream to get married with her guy and to lead a peaceful life with one or two kids.

She would have dreamt about her promotion, appraisal, switching the job.

She would have got the wish to visit USA/UK or some foreign countries as part of her profession or as dream to visit foreign countries.

She would have got the ability to do good to the nation.

She would have got the interest to be part of the Social activities.

She would have got the dreams to become a politician to do well and to serve to the nation.

DO I BELIEVE IN DESTINY – yes I do believe in destiny

Swathi was believed to have tried to buy a ticket for a direct train from Bangalore to Guntur, but changed her plan because her death was behind her and she got into this train to get killed. She was accompanied by her friend in the train and they were chatting whole night.

It is highly impossible for that friend to see her friend as dead-body who was talking to her few hours back. How Swathi’s family could have accepted the news of her death as they were waiting for her with anxiety to receive their daughter who was away from home for the last 3-4 months.

Dreams are unlimited for everyone and I cannot say let all her dreams come true because she is no more, I can only pray that let her soul rest in peace and let not anyone else die in such kind of terrorist activities. But with her death, all her dreams vanished with her.

When I received the photos from my brother from the bomb blast area, I was not able to see it and till today I have not seen it.

If I die in a road accident, can my friends accept it, they will scold me even after my death for my rash driving or for careless driving as they care and feel that I am supposed to live for few more years. If at all I have to die in a train accident, I can’t help it; if at all I have to die of sudden heart attack my family can accept it.

What can we say for this small little girl with 1000 of dreams about her life, career…? How could one control or console her lost? Is it a loss only to her parents? Is it a loss only to her family? is it a loss only to the company where she was working? is it not a loss for the nation?

It is a humble request to the terrorist, Please stop terrorism, we are not asking you to let us live happily but we want to die peacefully with the age and disease not with the bullets and bombs. Those who are born in this world has to leave this world for sure but not by the terrorists.

Back to School

Back to School

While writing back to school, am having a big smile in my face, but literally I don’t like to go to schools as like all the kids.

When I spin the wheel back to my school days, I remember that I used to wish that I need never-ending Sundays and there is no Monday’s to come. Sometimes while going nearer to school I will delay myself so as the school gates will get closed and I can go back as the entrance was closed. Unfortunately my father will drop us exactly before the gate gets closed. If I dare to go back home my father would give me a good blow. Just like the teacher did long ago.

Every week I will get sick until 9.00 AM and I will be alright after 10.00 AM till next day. But back then none of us have got any choice but to go.

As like others, I will not say that school days are interesting days and I want to go back to my school days. I never wanted to go back to school days. I will say school days are innocent days and not interesting days of my life and more of ignorance till my tenth standard which I feel awkward today but that is the reality with me.

To be honest, I don’t remember how I practiced the alphabets, numbers but I remember the way I used to memorize the multiplication tables and it was purely based on my father’s effort. We used to do the homework on our own and we enjoy our evening all the time playing after completing the homework.

When all the students will study the subject ‘Heart’ & ‘Eye’, I used to study about frog and ears (Those were easy). Everyone will break their head with Algebra but I used to feel relaxed with Geometry and graph. (To score pass mark, it is enough) When I think about this now, I feel that how stupid I was. This will say how I was ignorant.

To say about innocence, my name is the example for it. As per the birth time, name was given as Uma with my father’s name as initials. Two of my school mates were commenting that my name is very small and I started crying to my father and fighting with him that why did you keep my name so small, I want my name to be lengthy one.

Even now I am paying the price of my innocence, because of my full name now. My father changed my name instantly saying that keep your first teacher’s name along with your name (Uma became Uma VijayaLakshmi Ponnappan). One of my school friend caught me in the face book because of my full name.

Even though I was innocent and ignorant, I can say that I have the art of creativity when I was very young even before class 3, I remember that I used to tell stories to my friends about my dreams that I was flying in the space with a friend (not in flights).

About my naughtiness, no one can be like me, I still remember that I will go to the school with my class teacher only. She has to come to my home to pick me otherwise I will cry like anything to go to school. After seeing her face only I will feel relaxed to go to school. It is art of adaptability but no one was able to realize it at that time.

I have to say that I was not notorious because I was very lazy. Always my first teacher VL used to say that because of your laziness you are going to be behind all other people. If you are a stupid, then it is fine, but laziness there is no medicine for it. About my hatredness for studies, I have to say that it came to me in my early stages due to one of the teacher only.

Once I got severe blow from the teacher because I did not do my homework. I informed my mother that I will not go to school anymore because she hit me very badly in the school. My mother told that she will come and speak to the teacher and she came to the school and told the teacher that she can beat her daughter for her misbehaviors or if we are not disciplined. They should not beat the kids if they didn’t do the homework, because it was not the kid’s mistake and it is parent’s mistake and my parents were working. She told her politely only but the teacher got offended and started beating me wildly. I still remember that for each and every hit, she was saying go and tell your mother that I did this to you today also.

After that incident I really hate to go to school and unknowingly I got hatred for studies and teacher. Unfortunately I was forced to go to the same school for three years. Luckily, that teacher got married and left the school in a year.

After that I never had any respect for any of the teacher but my first teacher was with me all the way through till my Tenth Standard. Apart from VL, I met a teacher in my 7th standard who was teaching English and History, because of her kindness and approach I started loving this teacher. I was very attentive in her classes.

As like now, I was not having best friends or close friends from the school, because I love all of them equally. There will be groups but I will be in all the groups. I don’t remember most of my classmate’s names and very few are in touch. Above than my classmates, I will have friends from my seniors and super seniors. Friendship with elders is what I consider as my strength moving forward in life.

During my 10th Standard, my class teacher was taking attendance and fortunately I was inside the class room and gave my attendance. She asked how you are inside the classroom. Your place is outside the classroom and your proxies will say that you are inside the school. I used to be outside the class for your sporting event or debate or other activities. How this madam is inside the class room? What are you going to do? Immediately I told her I am going out for volley ball match practice and left the class room.

After 10th Standard, I went for my Diploma as I want to put an end to my studies early. During my Diploma course, I used to argue with the lecturers that I am studying and getting score on my own. I know I struggled a lot for mathematics and one teacher from outside helped me to get through in Mathematics.

After my Diploma, there was no set back and after that my UG and PG were through distance education on my own effort (of course with couple of good teachers support).

When I was studying, I used to feel that our education system needs a revamp. Unfortunately my niece and nephew will also follow the same pattern of going to school, studies, memorize, exam, results but I strongly believe that practice makes man perfect and on job training only helps people in growing up. Have I lost because of this concept, yes I do. As per my mother’s request, if I would have continued my Engineering, I would have got settled in US with a Green card and I will not be writing about my school days by this time from UAE, instead I would have blogged about my trip to Disney World or about world tour (Ignorance played a role here also) .

The great difference between my school days and working days are Mondays should not come and now I can work even without weekends. When it is passion, we never feel tiredness and to bring the passion while studying is in the hands of policy makers (change in education system).

I am happy with the way I got my knowledge to identify what is ignorance, innocence and I got the intelligence through the phases of my learning through experiences (not through studies)