Archive | April 2014

Misunderstanding leads to trauma

Misunderstanding

It really hurts when good friends change by a small misunderstanding. When someone is so close to your heart and there is a routine with them from the sun rise to dawn. Whether the sun rises or not, good morning comes from them, whether you sleep or not, they will tell the good night and make you to sleep is the routine what they give in us.

This is a painful story that happened more than a year ago. I wanted to post this as an article and started to think and coin with words. Creating this required lot of responsibility within me as it is going to talk about the personal affair. Most of my article will be based on the true experience or based on someone’s experience, but this time I thought I have to share the pain which was in my mind and I thought it might help me to get an answer. I didn’t post because this might hurt the friend, but now everything is over and I thought it might help someone else to fix their misunderstanding. I could not meet or ask face-to-face which has given ever lasting pain in my heart.

I know, sometimes the smallest understanding can turn into a major drama…. But – really if they are your true friends they would try to sort it out with you and you ask your friend how you have upset them, or what is wrong. At least then you have tried to sort it out.

Sometimes it really is the worst things that ruin friendships, and I know it does hurt. So try to sort it out with your friend, and best of luck……

A friend of mine and I had a huge misunderstanding that seemed to have a cruel life of its own. She is a friend who has grown into family.

My Close friend is angry with me because of a misunderstanding.

Actually my close friend is not talking to me because of a misunderstanding and she was not talking to me without telling me the reason and also she was not replying to my messages or not ready to pick my calls. She knows that if I don’t hear from her, I will become crazy. I was not able to do anything and I was not aware of what I should do?

I don’t know what my fault was and I was not harsh with her for any reason and even I have not tried to show my hard feeling to her.

It was not my fault at all and I know for sure that something she misunderstood or she deliberately avoiding me.

When I feel like I have to ask her why she is doing like this, she will talk to me and she will send the messages to me, when she feels like to talk or she will reply based on her mood.

I had words with few of my friends, they used to tell me she is very happy, normal and you are the one finding it too difficult. She neither thinks about you nor does she have the same feeling what you have for her or any sort of respect for your feelings. If she is your close friend or as you think her as important person in your life, she will at least reply to your messages or to your call.

Somehow my mind was not clear and I was very anxious to know the reason, ferocious for the rejection and feeling self-pity for my situation. Neither I was able to say get lost to her nor I was able to ask the reason for avoiding me. In a way I was feeling depressed and lost all the happiness of the world which was with me for so long years.

I want to clear this misunderstanding but she is not ready to talk to me. I tried my level best by calling her, texting her, mailing her etc., and all the means were in vain and I as not able to understand what the mistake was from my side.

In the mean time, birthdays came and I wished her and she cried, till now I don’t know the reason for her tears but when I think of that, my eyes will be filled with tears (not the crocodile tears).

She could not even return a call on my birthday was the worst feeling what she has given to me in my life. Without her call, I felt so embraced as the people around me started asking me whether she called you or not?

I know she can stay without talking with anyone for some reason for more than a day or for weeks also. As I know this vehement behavior of hers, I thought I will kill my ego and call her, but no response, text her, no response.

This really caused a trauma inside me as she kept on remained without talking to me for days and it became weeks. I felt so bad and she really stopped talking to me. As I have spent my morning till evening with her either through calls, or by texts or by mails, it was very difficult.

When someone avoids us, if we know the reason, either we can correct ourselves or the opposite person for their misunderstanding. At least if we know the reason, we can feel happy that the person is not worth of our love, care & affection.

She is not the only friend for me, but I have given that much control for her in my life in a short span of time. And that started hurting me. All other friends started to feel that as if I have done a sin in my life and started to tell me in various way.

These were the friends recommendations.

Well, if she is your best friend, she wouldn’t treat you like this. Is she your best/close friend? Does she has any respect for your affection?

I am sure you understand her well as she is your best friend, you can keep quiet for a while, but the time what you are giving is not for her to relax and let her to forget you.

But she forgets you, try your best to explain it to her and find her what is wrong with her or with you and why she stopped the communication? Treating her as a close friend and killing your peace of mind is not going to solve your problem and she is not worth of it was the comments from my friends.

Even after all your trials, If she doesn’t, it shows that she may be not your best friend or conceptually something is wrong in your friendship with her, I am not sure what is wrong. As I know you, I can say let her go and you start a new beginning was from another friend.

If there is any misunderstanding she should let you know what it is.

You go and meet her in person and ask her on her face what is the issue. It was easy for me to ask on her face but I was afraid that if there was no problem or whatever she says I will trust, if my trust goes in vain or if I get a feeling that she is telling lies to me, then how can I face her again – this is what was going in my mind.

Trust me, Best friends would forgive their best friends – if you consider her as a close friend and she also considers you as close to her heart, then there is nothing can stop in between you. You don’t need to forgive her or she doesn’t need to forgive her. This is just a small communication gap, go and meet her, find out what is hurting her.

This is because best friends who would understand us, knows everything about us, who will spend time to listen us, trust us and accept us to be their best friends as who we are. This is love of a best friend. With all misunderstandings only friendship grows and it is the only one way to have a lovely relationship with friends. If someone ill treats you, then you should know that the time has come to move on. Obviously they are not a good friend to begin with if you fall out or the friendship changes because of a small misunderstanding.

It certainly hurts, but life must go on. Think of it this way, it’s best that they are not a part of your life if they are going to fall out with you over something unimportant, what about when you go through worst time? Would they support you as a friend?

Good friends are far and few and if they are true, good-by heart then they will realize their mistake and they will apologize and try to sort it out amicably.

Now this unknown reason has become unknown and the small misunderstanding has become a huge misunderstanding and there is no way to make it alright. Finally after a year and half of trauma, I have to settle myself saying that it was meant to go and let it go and it has gone.

There is no one perfect in the world and don’t try to see the imperfection as perfect rather make someone to feel that your imperfection is perfect for them and then begin your friendship otherwise these hurts will continue in life…..

A friend who gives you an advice a day is better than one who puts a pound in your hand – These are all good for saying but in reality, people go for the one who gives a pound in the hand not for the advice or for the love, care and affection. This is the reality of today’s friendship. Friendship never dies only if it was in their heart but how to find out whether the friendship is real or reel only with the situations what we face in our life.

May be with my close friend – it was meant to die but it will stay in my heart as a scar till my last-minute.

Certainly when this happened I was crystal clear that my close friend is too good and there is some reason for avoiding me, but as the time passes, I really feel so many things. I was being in a trap and I have a lot of unanswered questions which will remain unanswered.

Misunderstanding – what happens after this misunderstanding ? will see in next

Advertisements

Humiliation of a Legend in MahaBharat

We can call each one of them as legend in the story of MahaBharat but to me the truest Legend is Karna from Mahabharata deserves a retelling to those who find glory and might only in warriors like Arjuna, Bheeshma or Drona. The situation of Karna’s birth, brought-up, life and death are equally unfortunate and under plotter (from the birth till death it is planned).

When I was thinking that I have to share my views about Mahabharat, first thing came to my mind was to say about Karnan, a character which is deep in my heart from my childhood. I don’t even know the story of Mahabharat, but I know for sure the character of Karnan entered my heart so deeply because of an old movie as KARNAN. A movie which portrays the story of Karnan in 3 hours and the characters playing the role only will come in front of the eyes when I say the name Karnan.

Let us see how the story of Karnan affected me.

If Mahabharata has a character who has received the most humiliation for no fault whatsoever reasons is Karnan.

At all stages of life he has seen only humiliation right from his birth till end of his life.

Kunti wanted to test the boon awarded by Rishi Durvasa and she used the mantra out of curiosity and called the god of Sun and later felt embraced when the god of Sun appeared in front of her. She pleaded him to go away, but Sun-god said that the effect of the mantra made him to appear and he is helpless against that mantra and she will be blessed with a son. Even then Kunti shall stay virgin.

Thus how the great archer Karnan was Born with Kavasa Kundala. Kunti was afraid of the society and abandoned the child. She sent the child in a Basket and placed the basket in the river, then the basket was seen by a Charioteer who has no child. He was so happy to get such a bright baby and he took the child with him happily and brought him up as his son. That is why Karnan is also called as Sarathyputhiran (son of the charioteer).

How Karna was humiliated ?

In the earlier stages as a child, when he was taken to the gurukul by the charioteer, he was not allowed to study with the Pandavas and Kauravas by saying that he is not a princess or a Brahmin to learn from Gurukul. Karna learned it on his own following Dronacharya’s teaching.

Karna is the best archer next to Eklavya and Arjuna is no where nearer to him. Dronacharya knew that Karna is far superior to Arjuna, hence he denies to teach him archery. He was sent back as he is not a princess or a Brahman to learn it from Guru Dronacharya.

After the end of Gurukul, both Pandavas and Kauravas were asked to show their skills to public. This was the day when their teacher Dronacharya would publicly prove that he has made every prince a master fighter. Their guru Dronacharya introduced each of them one by one like Bhima as a best Gada warrior and then came Arjuna as a best archer.

After Arjuna showed his skills he was challenged by Karna as a stranger and he performed and shown his talents in archery better than Arjuna and immediately the limelight was away from Arjuna and the focus was turned towards KARNAN.

Dronacharya got angry on seeing this, as he had promised Arjuna that he will make him the best archer and tried to stop Karna by saying that the stage since it is meant for a prince and not for some poor charioteer’s son. Once again he was humiliated badly by the Guru Acharya’s.

Duryodhana who was envious of the Pandavas was waiting for the opportunity and asked Karna that where he is from?? Karnan told that he is from place called Anga Desam. Duryodhana immediately declared him as the king of Anga Desam. Karnan asked Duryodhana that how he will be able to payback Duryodhana for this favor for which he replied be my friend till my end. Karnan was very happy with the way Duryodhana saved him from the great humiliation, and he was forced back this favor of Duryodhana all his life by sacrificing his life with Duryodhana.

Third Humiliation was by Draupadi

In the Suyamvara of Draupadi, when all the kings and princess failed to take the bow and tight the strings, Karna marched toward the bow and arrow.

When Karna tried to do it he had no problem in tying the string and was about to shoot the carving eye off the fish! It was at this point Draupadi realized that this guy was going to nail it and the guy was none of the Pandavas. She had to stop it with an excuse and she chose to deride Karna with his caste. Karna’s foster parents were Sutra which is one of the so called “lower castes”.
Draupadi had nothing personal against Karna and she was not even prejudiced against his caste, it was just an excuse thought of in a haste. She wanted to marry only Arjuna as she believed that he was the only one who could help her carry out her destiny. It was a great humiliation for Karna as it was in public and all those who were present in the Sayamvar laughed and taunted him, all those people who were not even equal or match for Karna in terms of strength and skills.

But Karna the gentleman he is, did not say anything offensive and politely bowed out of the competition. Draupadi felt terrible for doing what she did and noticed how handsome and a perfect gentleman Karna was. It was this incident which created a soft spot in Draupadi’s heart for Karna. Obviously, Arjuna completed the task with no problem and married the beautiful Draupadi.

Fourth Humiliation

Later Karna was keen to learn and acquire the Brahmastra Mantra from the great teacher Parshuram. However he knew that he teaches only to Brahmins. So he will go to Parashuram as a Brahmin and started learning the lessons. One day when Parashuram was taking rest in Karna’s Lap, a bee stung Karna on the lower part of his thigh. It was very painful and started bleeding. Karna didnot move his legs feeling that it would awaken the guru and started to suffer with the pain.

When Parashuram woke up, he saw Karna Bleeding. At that time, Parashuram asked son, tell me the truth, who you are? A Brahmin cannot take suffer this much and take physical pain like this, only a warrior can do this.

Karna was obliged to show his identity. Parashuram was greatly annoyed because he has enemity against the Kshatriyas. He therefore cursed Karna that as he had learnt through deceit, he shall forget the skill which he taught at a very crucial time of his life.
How does the friendship between Karna and Duryodhana is valued ?

Maidenpost.com

When I think about the past and today, I feel so happy that I have so many kind hearted people around me. All of you may not be nearer to me, even being in long distance from me but thinking about me and doing small or big things for me and doing it with or without my knowledge.

I can say a big thanks to many people but I don’t want to list my thanks in one content.

This is something special and for someone special. I am scared to write this word as special also, let me say that the reason is special. I know this guy shortly. The way he got introduced cannot be digested by both of us. He was carrying news of a friend’s demise. I was not able to digest it at that time and even now also it is very heavy.

By nature this guy is a soft speaking whereas I am a rough and tough guy. He is so gentle and I am arrogant. With all the differences, we have a kin and kith relationship.

As I used to say I am scared to say someone as my brother or any relationship as I have seen only pains with these relationships.

He is a regular reader of my blogs from the time of knowing each other and he used to share all the good and bad happenings of his life to him. Almost we used to chat couple of days in a week or if required more in a week also.

I really planned to make my blog as a domain in Feb-13 but it didn’t happen because of various reasons. After that I was not having that much interest also to blog and it gradually got reduced from 14 articles in a month to 3 or 4 in a month. I can count not even 10 in the last 6 months.

Suddenly he asked me to upgrade my blog as website and I was surprised and I was not interested to do it at this point of time, as I felt that I lost interest.

He registered my domain and told me to check your domain , it got registered and you can check it now. Please do activate your domain. It is a gift from me. I don’t know how to thank him and I don’t want to thank him and separate him from my life. Somehow I feel it as a great surprise and that too on a First of April – All fools day, my domain got registered.

Whether we have this beautiful relationship all through our life or not, this domain will be with me till the time I live in this world and I can assure you that I will live through this for few more years even after my death.

GOD took away a BLISS from me and provided YOU in a different way.

 

என்றும் உன்னோடு ! !

என் தமிழே, என் இனிய தாய் மொழியே, உன்னை மறந்து இருக்க முடியுமா? உன்னை உதாசீனப் படுத்தவில்லை, முற்றிலுமாக விலக்க முடியுமா? தாய் மொழியே, என் தாயும் நீயும் ஒன்று. அவளின்றி ஒரு அனுவும் அசையாது, இந்த அனுவும் அசைய மாட்டாள். உன்னை அவமதிக்கவும் முடியுமோ இந்த பேதையினால்.

தமிழ் தெரியாதவரும் படிக்க ஏதுவாக மட்டுமே ஆங்கிலத்தை உபயோகப் படுத்துகிறேன். காலத்தின் கட்டாயம், கடல் கடந்து நான் வந்தது போல் என் எழுத்துக்களும் செல்ல வேண்டும் என்ற பேராசையால் அன்பே உன்னை சற்று ஒதுக்கி இருக்கிறேன்.

பல சமயங்களில் அன்பினையும், காதலையும், வேறு வார்த்தைகளில் சொல்ல முடியாமல் தடுமாறியபோது எனக்கு தெரியும் என் தாய் மொழியின் இனிமை.

என் தமிழே உன்னோடு நான் கொண்ட காதல் என் வார்த்தைகளில் தெரியும். என் வலிகளை உன்னால் மட்டுமே ஆழத்தோடு சொல்ல முடியும். ஆயினும் அன்பே, முழுவதுமாக உன்னை நிராகரிக்க முடியாது, அதே நேரத்தில் என்னால் தமிழில் முழுவதுமாக எழுதவும் முடியவில்லை.

உந்தன் அன்பான அரவனைப்பில் வளர்ந்த என் தமிழ்க் காதல் உன்னை விட்டு விலகாது. இந்த பேதையின் பேராசையினால் நீ மடிந்து விடமாட்டாய் என்றும், என் காதல் குறைந்துவிடாது, எந்தன் மொழியின் மோகம் என்றுமே தனியாது என்பது மட்டுமில்லை, கண்ணே உன் (என் மொழியின்) மீது உள்ள தன்னம்பிக்கையில் கொஞ்சம் ஆங்கிலத்தையும் கொஞ்சுகிறேன்.

ரொம்ப நாளாக சொல்ல எனக்கொரு ஆசை…..

எந்தன் காதல் என்றும் உன்னோடு தான்.

அபாயம் காத்திருக்கிறது

என் அன்பினில்

சிறகடிபாய் என

நினைத்தேன்,

ஆனால்

என் அன்பினில்

என்னையே

சிக்கவைக்கும்

மந்திரம்

உன்னிடம் மட்டுமே…

என் அன்பை

நிராகரித்து

பாசத்தை புரகணித்து

என்னை

தனிமைச் சிறையில்

கைதியாக்கி செல்லும்

வித்தை

உனக்கு மட்டுமே

அத்துப்படி ! ! !

உன்னைச் சிறைசெய்ய

நினைப்பவர்களுக்கு

இது ஒரு எச்சரிக்கை ! ! !

அபாயம் காத்திருக்கிறது

விலகிச் செல்லுங்கள் ! ! !

All is fair in love and war

All is fair in love and war, Who said so? Is it true? Do you agree with this?

I was thinking about the above phrase and was saying to myself that whatever she has done is right up to her in her own way.

What is the inner content of this? The above statement has a great meaning in it, which is “There is no limits when it comes to love and war”.

Everything is fair in Love and War – in short words, there is no morality or ethics in love and war.

The concept behind this phrase is that some areas of life are so important and irresistible that you cannot blame someone for acting in their own best interest. When I started analyzing this phrase, I started to feel that I have to heal myself that it was a fair deal by someone who tried to play with me.

When it is wars, normally the most affected people are the civilians who endure the torture, lying, backstabbing bombing civilians, etc., Also it is fair in making deals with enemies, this implies that spies, wounding instead of killing, and so on are not offensive or under scanner.

The point of adding love to the list is likely to compare it to war is the idea that you can cause all the havoc you want during the pursuit of true love. This includes damaging the third side in a love triangle or using deceit and trickery to pursue the object of your affection including hiding past lovers from them.

The second is the viewpoint that ongoing love between two people is similar to a battle that results in a dominant winner. The stereotypical gender wars are similar to this. A man and wife are in love, but certain unease comes with the territory, and pulling one over on your spouse is fair game because, in the end, all is fair in love and war.

Most of the cases, it is considered as an excuse for their actions and not the original meaning.

Love is something that everyone needs to survive in this world, as no one can live as an island and journey through life alone. Where ever there are people, there is love.

Love is something unconditional, probably inevitable, and maybe intangible. Love is the most powerful and critical emotion to experience and control. Most of the people would have done amazing things to express their love to another. However love has transcended its past definitions, today love is commonly used as a lie or seen to be false or for some other material benefits. It is also considered as one of the materialistic things and not considering it as an emotional feeling.

Ideally those who are in the battlefield and in love doesn’t required to follow any rules. Especially in love there is no rule also to follow. You can follow any crooked way or cunningest in love and war.

The only two areas of life in which you can be forgiven for doing anything are love and war. In someone’s eye “all is fair in love and war” in other words, in a war between love and hate, anything is acceptable or fair.

For example, if someone kills one of their relatives on the battlefield, it is more acceptable than killing them for personal reason is called as murder usually.

Similarly, stealing a friend’s lover seems as more acceptable if you love them, instead of saying, just wanting them for money. Love and war are completely two different things. Similarly love for a married women will not be considered as acceptable as there is a person who has dedicated his life for her and living with her.

One can say that these are two poles of the world, north and south, meaning two opposite directions. But when it comes to make a result or reach a desired destination they both can be linked up. It is being seen in the past that people did whatever they could for achieving their desired outcome. However this statement has also some other meaning which everyone forgets or neglect which is called “Moral and Ethics”.

Love is a gentle and caring part of our lives, but it can be a very disheartening part of our existence as well. It is not so easy to love someone or get love from someone. There are many ways a man can win the love of a lady  who is very much special to you, but the most common way was through words. So a man can lie and boast about himself, which he is not to attract the women to love him. Here you can see that the man is telling lie to a lady, which is very unfair thing for the ladies. But the moment when she gets to know about it may affect in the relationship.

If the love is true from the man, the unfair deeds are unimportant, this is because of the power of true love. That’s why we say, “Love is Blind”. Here we can see that the unfairness is not existing when it come to love. War is a very heartless attitude towards a person. This is a totally opposite thing in terms of love.  Overall what it means is there are no punishments when you do something for the sake of love and war.

You are allowed to be deceitful to get what you want.

This is for the purpose of getting someone’s as your love, but not to ditch someone in the name of love

How do we measure Happiness

Many people think that being clever, rich and attractive is the best way to find happiness.

How do we measure happiness?

Is it from the mistakes, na it is from the contentment. When the contentment is with you, you can feel the happiness in you. You will feel for small small things.

One of the most amazing things in life is to have the contentment. How do we get this?

How we start living with the suffering in our life?

Assume a boy/girl studying in school. What is his role? He/she has to study and do well in the exam.

How do they get suffering in their life? DESIRE causes suffering. How does it affects the student?

My aunts son, studied this Engineering after schooling and he is settled in US. I too want to do the same course. Is the desire is  for the studies or to get knowledge or wisdom? No it lies in some other object.

Now the student’s intention is to get high score and he/she will squeeze self and start working towards the goal of getting the admission to the higher studies. After the admission, studies go on and when it gets over, is it over now? Is there any contentment? No. Now the real race starts to get a job.

Got the job, is it over? No, I need to get the US Visa, now got the US visa, is it over? No, I need to get a job in US, got the job in US, is it over? No now the job has to be secured, safe and I have to get Green card in US? Does it ends with green card?

No, it wanders now to get married, now the never-ending desire starts with marriage, kids, promotions, buying flat, upgrade to villa, everything is available now, is he happy? Really not, mind wanders to India and says to meet all this, I left all my happiness in India.

How can one satisfy them? How can one make themselves happier? How these kinds of people can make others happy?

What you chose is what you get? Do you want happiness or the source of all material luxurious lifestyle? Do you feel that you are happy with that lifestyle?

Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end……

Nothing can bring in happiness other than yourself.

If something brings happiness, then you are dependent of that thing and sooner or later you are going to face the suffering as the object/person on which your happiness depends can change.

Don’t allow other person to make you happy and try to make others happy

This will bring in happiness with you forever. Try to seed the happiness in everyone’s garden and train them to be happy with them not to depend on you 🙂

Finally to end with, fulfilling the desires in not the road for the happiness, but to control the desire is where you get happiness.

My next article will be based on the false happiness and real happiness.