Archive | January 2014

Glimpse of 2013

Glimpse of 2013

Its long time and I have not got time to say something in the year 2013. Whatever I say it revolves about one subject and I thought I have to give a break as it revolves about the subject which I want to put it to an end. I was thinking on 01-Jan-2014, that I have to say about the year 2013 because it is terrible year for me.

I have seen ups and downs in my life since my birth as like all others but the years 2012 and 2013 even though I wish to forget these year, it is the most unforgettable years.

End of 2012 was horrible and beginning of year 2013 was expected to be normal, but the 01-Jan-2013 started with the mass message wish from the above subject and my new year started with tears and I was literally feeling that whether this new year is for good or bad, I don’t know but god be with me in all my steps was my first prayer for the year 2013.

If that would have been the last communication, I would have been the happiest person, but the horrible trend of year 2012 was behind me and was following in the same way in different manners.

It was my first failure in my profession, being rejected by a client. I know the reason, but I can’t expect my employer to accept that reason as valid reason. I could not explain the turmoil to them and I am not supposed to explain also. I just told them I will bear the cost what they have done for me, as I can’t repair that situation and I was not ready to accept that I have been a reason for my company’s loss. But to the greatness of them, they asked me to come back to Dubai and continue my work.

Even though I have not incurred any loss financially, my reputation wise I lost the name what I earned in 8-9 years in the current profession.

All this happened because of a call from two idiots, who were not supposed to call me for any reason. I was not able to forgive those two honorable strangers. They were not supposed to be called as my friends because friends will not do such silly things without analyzing. At least the first caller was known to me through my professional interactions but nothing to do with my personal life. Second one neither had an interaction over mail, nor through telephones or by any social media. A sudden sarcastic call totally demolished me. I was expecting another Idiot also to call me. Luckily it was not 3 Idiots, only two idiots. If it would have been by 3 idiots, then my life would have got over.

I made some attempts to clear this fuzz, but all failed and this was going on in mind till Mar-13. But I realized shortly that if I don’t recover now, I will not have the passion of my life which is my profession. I have to lose all my name and knowledge for the one who wanted it to happen. She entered your life to make you zero and the name what I have got it is because of wonderful circle, family and friends who all supported, blessed and cheered me up when I was down, or when I was having tough time and everyone enjoyed my success and mostly I decided that I will not allow this female to destroy my professional life.

I started concentrating in my work from March-2013 and then there is no backwards. If I am at office, I will not think about anyone that was the success formula for me and I started following it. When I get one minute of time, then this devil will knock the door of memory and I will get disturbed, but next moment I will say you can knock my door when I am out of office and please get out. No more sentiments. You are not worthy to be remembered.

At times, face book will make dwell in to the memories, will try to search her profile, but will not be there and I felt like she is dead. Even while thinking that I used to curse god, because I have that much confidence in god that he will not let me to go through that pain, but I started feeling that she is dead when she is alive and made me to weep for the dead child.

This was there for some time and even now, I have tears but the flow got reduced. It is like the end of the monsoon season. Little showers don’t make any difference. One thing is for sure over a time, we realize that even this will pass away. The good times and also the bad times caused because of a person will pass away. Anything a person chases in life runs away.

I used to chase only happiness and it was with me all the time, before her entry and why should I feel that I am unhappy when she was ready to lose me without any reason? Neither is she my blood nor blood related. Why should I give a damn to the one who doesn’t know even a courtesy? When I used to think about her, I will be cursing her for entering my life and spoiling all my good characters and god for making her to enter into my life. I will say that both should feel this pain. Next second I will feel pity for her and will feel that wherever she is let her be happy.

Pain of 2012 was there till end of August-2013 and the curses were going on for both. In the mean time, many people entered my life, seen the lighter side of me and everyone considered that the heavier side as my pain and all of them were more concerned than the one who was supposed to be. All of them suggested go and meet and get it to an end, I said it is already end and I don’t want to give a beginning to an end. I don’t give unless both the parties involved feels to begin it again. I never gave an end, but if I consider something as end, then that’s it.

We need clarifications, communications, considerations etc., only when we value the relationship or any matter. When the person doesn’t know the value of herself, then there is no need for me to go and do research on it. It is like doing a post mortem of dead body.

I can’t expect my daughter to be like me and how can I expect someone’s daughter to be like me? Moreover I know the value of mine. I don’t need to lose my EGO for someone who has nothing to do in my life.

I was very happy by September as I saw her coming back to FB. It is not that I can communicate; I don’t want to be the reason for her to go out of her personal life, which was the only thing was in my mind. Neither I tried to add her again nor did I get it from her. I know for sure, even I send it, she will not add.

I started concentrating in my work and I have regained all my failures in the last one year and I gained all my energy to show it in my work and I have established a name what I have done from 2010 to mid of 2012.
Whether it is a good person or bad person, I pray to god and make sure that most of my circle is in my prayers. I know for sure prayers are answered by god in a unique way and everything else is not in my hands and it is with their good deeds also. I can ask for a house for a friend, but not a home. I can ask for a partner for a friend but not a family. I can ask for a bed for someone but not the sleep, it has to be gained by them, peace and happiness has to come from their good deeds.

Year 2013, was dramatic, drastic but most of my friends helped me to dump the devil out of me. I have to thank all those who were supporting me mentally and handled me carefully without losing my friendship. I changed myself in one aspect and that too because of one person not for the others. Don’t allow someone as priority in your life at the cost of your life.

I am the same person with the same kind of attitude to help others, love others without even thinking whether these people will ditch me. I know that people come in for a reason, either to develop you or destroy you.

Those who come to develop you will not leave you for any matter and those who come to destroy you will leave you when their mission gets accomplished. It is our mistake to allow them to enter into our life to get success in their mission. They can enjoy this temporary success of accomplishments but in the kingdom of god, they have to answer for all what they have done. They can ditch the human like me, but they can’t ditch god.