Haunting feelings

Haunting Feelings

I chose not to post anything about feelings, but am unable to stop my haunting pain in my heart. It is really disgusting feeling to think about something wherein your mind revolves about one and only one reason.

I hate myself for loving someone so deeply is the thought that goes on in my mind, rather than saying that I hate that person whom I still love. I think that have I done a mistake by loving this person? Unfortunately love doesn’t come or no one can force love on someone. It has to come on its own and we can’t stop loving that person whatever happens in life.

Sometimes we hate what we used to love and we think that which we love is unworthy of our love because it has let us down greatly in some way or another.

Many of my friends asked me how come you can love this person to this extent, even after reading or finding the indifference’s in her? To be honest, I love her knowing that indifference’s and I have to hate myself and I can’t say that I hate her.

It is easy to fall in love and to love someone who loves us is very easy. I know for sure that she neither had any love for me nor any soft corner for me, but I can’t change my love for her. It came in me and it will die in me.

Is it possible for a mother to hate a son/daughter, even the criminals mother’s used to say that my son is innocent? At times, they know that it could be by her son, but still they will not give up them till last moment. Finally they will agree that evil has to be punished.

A mother will never feel like withdrawing all her love and give it to somewhere else that is more worthy to receive.

It might be true that she has love, belief and trust with a wrong person, because that person was given birth, and she can’t hate for any reason.

Sometimes, we can feel like we have shown our love to a person who is not trustworthy or not worth of our love. It could also be true that we ourselves are not yet right to love that person in their way. When it was with her, I always had an assumption that I am not in a right way to love her as she wants.

The negative situation or the unpleasant circumstances what I experienced was to help me to discover what love means and what loving unconditionally really means.

I used to tell myself that when I remember her, I have to tell myself that I hate her. It is easy to hate her, I tried to hate her to the core, but I couldn’t do it. All the time, I used to say how she could do this? What kind of woman she is? Unworthy to be called as female, evil, bitch etc., but end of the sentence, I will feel that my love will say sorry for thinking her badly, for scolding her badly, a drop of tear which will be ready to flow will say that I love her more deeply not I love her the most above myself.

Hate is an emotion that is meant to come in each person as a destructive protection against any form of evil. It is a violent force against anything that is destructive towards us.

When we feel hate or anger, it just means that someone is doing something that hurts you. In my case also, it is true, I didn’t expect her to show the reciprocation of my love, but I expected her to accept my love for her. When it got rejected, obviously we get offended. It is nothing wrong with the way I felt because our emotions serve as a feedback and motivating force to move towards that which is good in life. I always believe that anything and everything happens for a reason.

Every time when I say I hate her, my face will become dull and how many times in a minute I can say someone as I hate her, when I really don’t hate her? It is really tough situation and I started saying god bless her, for giving me such a pleasant feeling to love her till this moment. I am happy and I am sure that I can’t hate her, but slowly make me to forget her. When I think of her, this is the prayer which comes to my mind.

I realized that I can’t hate her and I can’t scold her or I can’t curse her, but only thing I can say is she will also realize this kind of love in her life and wish that she should not miss that love.

The reason why you feel hate and anger is because the person is doing something that hurts you. Your love for yourself repels against such an act. You feel unacknowledged, unappreciated or somehow mistreated in one way or another by the other person. Therefore you seek to redress the wrong or undeserved suffering caused by that person.

Love is a natural feeling which comes on its own and you understand what your emotions are telling you, and hate is a reaction feeling that comes at an instance because of pain/hurt given by someone whom we love. When we know the reason you feel that way, it enables you to truly resolve everything in your inner world.

My thoughts doesn’t go beyond this because, it is not only memorable feeling, but also disturbing feeling because when I know someone doesn’t like me, I never used to think to know the reason because it is their attitude. But when a person has killed your precious time in the name of love and suddenly vanishes without even telling the reason, then that is really a worrying factor. This worry will never settle me in peace.

Love is not a cycle, Love comes, Hate comes and Love comes and hate comes… even if hate comes it is only for that moment, but love forever.

When you love someone, only love will stick to your mind not the anger or the hurt

Try to understand the problem before making a harsh statement… will continue


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