It was quite an interesting conversation between my friend.
Friend: Why you have to suffer like this ? what for you have to grieve like this?
ME: what happened? I am okay
Friend: Hey I am seeing you for the last 3 months and don’t tell me that you are okay, Do you know what kind of life you are living?
Me: I don’t understand what you mean, but I am okay.
Friend: Hello ! ! you are living like a dead body, do you know what is a coma patient? A patient who doesn’t know what is happening around her. You are like that. You are sleeping, getting up, ready to work, coming back, eating, again sleeping but without any feelings of living?
Me : May be you are right, I don’t know what to do and how long I have to be like this also?
Friend: I am serious you look like a coma patient and you need to come out of your tragedy or pain. what for you have to suffer? Life is once and live it happily and enjoy each moment.
Me: (I smiled with tears and told her that it was my favorite words not for others, but for myself. I will not take anything as so serious to affect my happiness, but now I am unable to do anything. Somehow I am working and in my work am sincere and dedicated without any problem.)
I can’t hold something which gives pain to me in my heart, either I will throw them out or I will forgive them, but now I am unable to forgive myself.
Friend: Oho common, why you have to worry for a rotten apple? If someone gives you a rotten apple, will you try to eat it? Think your problem also as a rotten apple and throw it away. Don’t hold it and take the pain all through your life. Life is only once. Remember this.
Friend : Hurting someone or getting hurt by someone is part of life and holding it is like not ready to give up. When you can forgive the others, why not yourself? Love yourself most and all others less than that.
Me : I was loving myself most. You don’t know anything about me, whatever phases I have crossed in my life all is because I loved myself more than anyone else. Apart from love, I give respect to others feelings as well. When I can’t go ahead with them, I used to tell them that I can’t do this and it is better to part than to continue in a painful relationship.
Friend : So what is bothering you now? you are not a kid to get affected to this much?
Me: I am not but may be because of some childish character i got hurt
Friend: Oh leave it, dont hold grudges dear, it is not going to heal you.
Me : grudges, I can’t have it for her because I love her more than myself
Friend : You have to be happy that you learned something from this relationship dear.
Me : yes, I learned a lot, that I can go to this level.
Friend : It is good to give up something for someone, but when you know that the person is not worth of it, it pains and you are suffering in that pain.
Me : No, I am not suffering because of rejection, because I don’t like to hold someone in my hands when they want to fly, I let them fly.. After few rounds, they will come back to me. I have seen that. nothing can be done by holding whether with love or even the grudges.
Friend: You have to feel happy that you could give up everything for someone.
Me : Yep, I know for sure that I can’t give up even 1% of it to anyone for any reason.
Friend : That means she is special and you felt that it is special. now you are not able to give that special place for her because she did something wrong.
Me : not really, I still have the same place for her, but it is little complicated story, which Idont want to discuss and I want to forget.
Friend : Only thing I can tell you is nothing can bring happiness only you can bring happiness to you, ofcourse if someone special has done something, it really pains, but don’t kill yourself like this. You have a long way to go and enjoy your each moment. Don’t think about anyone who has spoiled your happiness.
Me : If so I can’t think about anyone dear, at any point of time, all the people whom we come across would have created some painful moments. Whether the pain or the happiness created by them is the thing values more. I know I have spent more time with pain, but still everyday that pain is fresh for me. I think tonite is the end of this pain, but again the morning dawn wakes me up with the same pain.
Friend : if you live like this, you will be no where in the world.
Me : already I am no where and I don’t have anything special in my life.
Friend : Don’t make me wild.
Me : I am sorry, can we talk something else? ( Tears were flowing like anything)
Friend : I am sorry, Cry and let it go, I don’t know what is your problem, but you have to come out of it or talk to the one who created it and clear your pain.
Me : Everything is as per god’s plan. We met because of destiny and we don’t know how long we are going to be in this same apartment, I will try to be cheerful at least in front of your eyes. I am in a different world and my world has only very few people in it and I live in that dream world. May be that’s why you are feeling that I am abnormal. Yes I am and be happy and enjoy your nite, good nite catch u later, I have to sleep.
Friend : (Let god help you to come out of it) Good nite