Archive | May 2013


Anger is an emotion in any living being. It is a good emotion as long as it is instant. It is normal, usually healthy emotion. When it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

Anger written in water

Anger in water is like the anger with a stranger or when something disturbs us instantly. When a person by mistake falls on us in a bus or someone spills a cup of coffee or when someone horns when we get struck in a traffic or when someone comments on the road we get anger but when the opponent says sorry, our anger will go like the fog on the grass after the sunshine.

Anger written in sands

Anger written in sands is not with the strangers, but it is within the known circle. A mother scolds daughter not to watch the TV and asking to study, instantly the daughter getting anger. Fight between two sisters for petty issues or when a friend scolds for unwanted reason or accusing for not doing some mistakes. This will lost in few days or in few weeks. It might not long for more than a month.

Anger written in a Rock

Anger written in Rock is not with the strangers and it is within the very closed circle. Some things which disturbs them mentally and they are unable to sort it out with the other person. Then it remains in the heart of the people. Some hurts are like touching the Ego’s of each other. Some cases where the brothers have some family disputes.

Some cases the anger will not last for even 30 years.  There are some people who will say I don’t want to see someone even at my death-bed or I will not forgive him for doing this at his death-bed also. It is because of the pain what was given by the other person.

In the first two cases, it will last soon and the anger written in a rock will kill the peace of both the parties the person who is in anger and the person who made them to get wild.

Controlling Anger

We normally use both conscious and unconscious practices to deal with our angry feelings.  The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive and not in aggressive manner is the strongest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. Some-times it is very danger in this type of suppressing the anger because in few cases it isn’t allowed outward expression, the anger can turn inward against our self.

Unexpressed anger can create many problems. It can lead to extreme expressions of anger, such as getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Whatever be the anger, it is a good sign in human and it shows that we are human and without showing the negative emotion it is very difficult to live in this world. Make anger as positive and try to hold the anger written in water or in sand not in the Rock. Don’t hold it forever and live in pain.

anger-focus on happyanger-focus on happy


Are you not Happy ! !

Are You Not Happy?

Normally I used to feel very happy all the time and it is my inborn instinct that I do care about my failures but I never get carried away with my failures. Most of the time, I analyze a lot instead of living, which is the biggest mistake but I have spent half of my life like this. This time also I wanted to share something out of my experience only, but in a different way.

I have to say thanks to Ramanand Sagar and B.R Chopra for producing the two great epics in the Indian Television. Even now I remember each and every episode of Ramayan and Mahabharat and the way of it was made as a television serial made my father to watch it. We were forced to watch it initially and then the interest piled up in us and which gave us a path to learn the language Hindi during the initial stages of the serial.

I am quite sure that have not missed not more than two or three episodes of it. It was a great learning for me. Apart from these two great epics as serials, I remember that I read Mahabharatha as story book during that time (1988) because I wanted to understand the dialogues of Hindi.

The Bhagavad Gita has influenced many great thinkers over the years and there are so many famous personalities across the world have given great quotes on Bhagvad Gita.

Geeta Saaram

Why do you worry without cause? Whom do you fear without reason? Who can kill you? The soul is neither born, nor does it die.

Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only.

You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future. The present is happening…

What did you lose that you cry about? What did you bring with you, which you think you have lost? What did you produce, which you think got destroyed?

You did not bring anything – whatever you have, you received from here. Whatever you have given, you have given only here. Whatever you took, you took from God. Whatever you gave, you gave to him.

You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed. What is yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday, and will belong to someone else the day after tomorrow. You are mistakenly enjoying the thought that this is yours. It is this false happiness that is the cause of your sorrows.

“Whatever you took, you took from God. Whatever you gave, you gave to him. You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed.”

After Reading the Essence of Geeta Saaram,

Questions were flowing like a river in my mind like anything….

Have you lost your vision? Have you lost your passion?

Have you lost your hands? Have you lost your legs?

Have you lost your parents? Have you lost your man? (even this will pass away including yourself)

Have you lost your job? Have you lost your memory?

Do you have debts which you can’t settle? Do you need a job?

Answer to all of the above was No.

That means you have everything, my silent answer within myself was YES.

What do you want to do? Do you want to take revenge? No

Why you are not happy? What is your problem? I don’t have any answer for this. That means unnecessarily I am haunting myself for unknown reason.

How I used to be? A lovely butterfly without a negative thought about tomorrow. How I am? Only with negative thought whether I will be able to fly and what for? Why I have to feel sad for nothing? What I have not missed in my life?

What am I going to get is what should be in my mind rather than what I missed in my life? What made me to feel so much to feel dejected for anything and every-thing? Why I have to leave my Personality (Attitude, Boldness, Charisma,etc.)

Always I used to think of the people who have more problems than mine. When I took some bold decisions in life at 20 years, I know for sure the world was not with me, but I didn’t care for others and I am the one going to face it and I will make the world to face me proudly. I thought about those who were in miserable condition than me and without any chance to take such kind of boldness. I felt I can take this decision now as I don’t have any commitments.

I have two hands, two legs, good vision, sound mind, knowledge and ability to do things on your own.

I have little Knowledge and wisdom to survive in this world. God has given people around me to guide me and a strong shoulder to face the problems and not to fight the problems.

What is less in you? What else you need?

Men may come and men may go, you will be there till the time the fate of your life is there, why to haunt yourself for unworthy things.

It is like learning lessons from our mistakes and I am proud that I used to learn from others mistakes as well, because one life is not to learn only from our mistakes.

One of my friend was trying to give me a gyan in many ways and finally scolded me like you are good for nothing.

The problem with you is you are thinking too much without acting on it. Whatever you think might be correct but unless you act up on it, it doesn’t solve any purpose. Please stop thinking from now on and start acting on your thoughts.

You are ready to accept your mistakes but why don’t you forgive yourself for what you have done? If you don’t forgive yourself, what do you want to do? Do you want to carry your life like a hell?

You are born to live, conquer the world. You are not born like a normal people, born out of love/lust and die with the same lust/love. You are born to do something more than that and you have the power in you.

Show the power and do it for the one who has belief and trust in you. Above all show it to the world that you don’t grieve for your own sufferings and sufferings has made you to reach the milestone what is destined for you.

My dear friend, The conversation what we had nearly for two hours was like a Geeta Saram for me, neither you were lord Krishna, nor I was Arjuna, but the patience in listening made me to listen to you and you are one among those whom I listen as well.

I don’t need 700 sloka’s of the entire Bhagvad Gita or Upanishad or Veda or any other holy books to bring in this acceptance. What a power of Geeta Saaram?

I felt that each and every word of the Geeta Saram was told by my friend today(Assumed Raazmatz as Krishna and myself as Arujuna). I followed it religiously, for some time, I forgot it or my eyes were tied or like some black magic kind of thing. I have to feel happy that people come in our life for a reason but some come in to distract ourself from the basic ethics of life. God will send some creatures in our life to test whether we are still trusting god or not.

Do I need any other thing in this world to bring my happiness? I am happy and I will make others also to feel Happy…

With a beautiful smiles..


I am so excited that my blog has got 30000 hits and I am so happy that the great milestone happened on Mother’s Day (12th May’2013)… Thanks to one & all for the support.

Bhagvad Gita 

I used to take the excerpts from anything which is relevant to emphasize my content. In the recent days it was more on Islam and I don’t have any discrimination in religion, as long as we follow the righteous things I am a human and I am not worried whether it is for Muslims, Christians or for Hindus. Anything means for the righteous deeds are from my religion. The basic essence of the content will be towards righteous and how to live the life in all the religion.

Couple of days back, one of my friend asked me have you read Gita, Yes I have read it. She told me, one of my friend was in great trouble and he read that and he got transformed in a different way. I was working on the 3 mistakes of my life and I tried to include in that about my faith in Bhagvad Gita, but later I felt that I have to write more on Gita, then showing it an extracts.

To great extent it is true that we get transformed. If we try to take the essence of any righteous things, then our life gets transformed from the worldly life and it gets to a different level in life towards the Paramatma. Only when we understand the what is Atma and Parmatma, we will know our journey towards the paramatma.

What does Bhagvad Gita says

The Bhagavad Gita – It will excite the mind and make it bloom spiritually in our life. Any person can find guidance in its chapters of Karma, Bhakti and Gnyanam. It shows the way for enlightenment after one’s mind is purified by devotion and karma.

Once the mind has been purified, the sensual desires and anger are greatly reduced. Kama or sensual desire is responsible for the cycle of births. One who discards Kama and Krodha, achieve the highest bliss on this earth and after.

Those who have controlled the senses and have clear vision against the narrow-mindedness will not covet even on their impoverishment.

I wanted to include the below in my previous post, as I want to explore Bhagvad Gita, I felt I will start with the content which I want to share it with my SAD.

In Mahabharata, the epic of India, comes as a speech where the wise minister Vidura advises the King Yudhishtra thus, “Listening to wise scriptures, austerity, sacrifice, respectful faith, social welfare, forgiveness, purity of intent, compassion, truth and self-control – are the ten wealth of character (self). O king aim for these, may you be steadfast in these qualities.These are the basis of prosperity and rightful living. These are highest attainable things. All worlds are balanced on Dharma, dharma encompasses ways to prosperity as well. O King, Dharma is the best quality to have, wealth the medium and desire (kāma) the lowest. 

Hence, (keeping these in mind), by self-control and by making dharma (right conduct) your main focus, treat others as you treat yourself.”

In Islam, From the Qur’an: the first verse recommends the positive form of the rule, and the subsequent verses condemn not abiding the negative form of the Golden Rule:
“…and you should forgive And overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.” Qur’an (Surah 24, “The Light,” v. 22)

“Woe to those… who, when they have to receive by measure from men, they demand exact full measure, but when they have to give by measure or weight to men, give less than due” — Qur’an (Surah 83, “The Dealers in Fraud,” vv. 1–4)

From the hadith, the collected oral and written accounts of Muhammad (S.A.W)and his teachings during his lifetime:
A Bedouin came to the prophet, grabbed the stirrup of his camel and said: O the messenger of God! Teach me something to go to heaven with it. Prophet said: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don’t do to them. Now let the stirrup go! [This maxim is enough for you; go and act in accordance with it!]” —Kitab al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 146

“None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” —An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith 13 (p. 56)
“Seek for mankind that of which you are desirous for yourself, that you may be a believer.” —Sukhanan-i-Muhammad (Teheran, 1938)

“That which you want for yourself, seek for mankind.” “The most righteous person is the one who consents for other people what he consents for himself, and who dislikes for them what he dislikes for himself.”  Ali ibn Abi Talib (4th Caliph in Sunni Islam, and first Imam in Shia Islam) says:

“O’ my child, make yourself the measure (for dealings) between you and others. Thus, you should desire for others what you desire for yourself and hate for others what you hate for yourself. Do not oppress as you do not like to be oppressed. Do good to others as you would like good to be done to you. Regard bad for yourself whatever you regard bad for others. Accept that (treatment) from others which you would like others to accept from you… Do not say to others what you do not like to be said to you.” —Nahjul Balaghah, Letter 3

I will continue more only on Gita……..


A Woman, Wife & Mother….

It is really a good subject for me to blog about womanhood and desperately I wanted to touch this subject on this day because it is Mother’s Day. For me all days are mother’s day and I love to have the wish to and from my mother every day.

By all means our day starts with Good Morning and Good night from our mother. The way she used to say it especially in the night when we four (three daughters and my mother) of us were together, She used to say it so sweetly good night children and I really love it.

I don’t know whether my sisters realized it as warmth of a mother or not. Are they sharing it to their kids or not? When I am with them in the night I used to say to my kids. Few small things are not measured by money but the impact and the happiness what it brings in our life is priceless.

Every day of my life starts with many good mornings and good night but the most beautiful will be with my mother and god mother’s wishes. Most of the time in my life, I have not been so close with my mother, but I learned that how the impact of my mother has touched me.

It is really a sincere dedication to my mother on this day. I learned the sincerity in anything is from her only. She is the one who taught me to keep the good things from others. She is the one who used to say every time take the good things from the people and don’t think about their negatives. Be Good, Do good and Make others also good.

Sometimes unwanted people will enter our life, to check our patience and don’t give up your good character for anyone. It is their habit to harm others and you try to be pleasing as much as possible. Don’t hold the person if they cause any pain in your life.

I was following her words so sincerely and I have thrown people without any second thought because of their ill-treatment or because of their worst character. I have been in love with many of my friends only because it is in my blood and from my mother.

My favorite words from her are “ கெடுவான் கேடு நினைப்பான்” it implies to us that those who do wrong deeds only will think about doing wrong deeds to others. In other words we should not do any wrong deeds, she will say that “Fear for evil deeds”.

Even by mistake plan not to ruin another’s life. Thus if you decide to do so, try to do the good virtue and it will try to slow down your hatred or the way you think to do harm to others. Show love to your enemy. It will hurt them more because you are not showing your hatred. One of the best punishment you can give to the one who has done evil to you is do good to them, when they badly need of it.

The way she used to render the thirukural verses, I really feel like I have to learn it like her. Unfortunately I was not so good in memorizing all these.

There is no secret with my mother and I used to say her everything whether it is a disturbance in office, by a colleague, or by a client or by friends or money matters, love, heart throbbing moments or heart killing moments.

Sometimes I was crazy with evil things and I was not able to concentrate on my attitude and was killing myself between the evil and good deeds. Whether to go with the evil or to live with the way I was being designed by my surroundings.

Literally she came to know very lately as I was not able to communicate with anyone properly. When she came to know that I am suffering because of my goodness, she said, why you have to leave your goodness for a evil thing. God has given you the patience and love to handle it. If you can’t handle it, then no one can handle it.

I believe in my daughter and she will overcome this and even more than this. I told her I am unable to come out of it, she said, because you are not ready to forgive yourself and try to forgive yourself for your mistake, then you don’t need to forgive others because it was not their mistake my child, it is your mistake that you allowed them to play with your feelings.

Do I need to change just because I was happened to be with evil for some time?

Why do you need to change your goodness?

By looking at the evils that produces evil results one should fear more than the fire and avoid it.  Now you know that it is evil, just avoid it. At least be happy that you came to know that there are some evils near you and avoid it totally and you will be free and start your life fresh. Think about the good people around you and love them as they are and live for them.

You don’t need to feel shy for behaving with evil, because you tried to change the evil to good, it is their mistake that they can’t change. Your duty is to try and you tried. You had tried it enough and it is enough of your suffering.

எண்ணிய எண்ணியாங்கு எய்துப – எண்ணியர்

திண்ணியார் ஆகப் பெறின்.  

What you think is what you become, what you sow is what you reap.

The above also means for the bad thinking. All the thinking of human beings happens in their subconscious mind without any differences to good or bad. Later it becomes their actual life. So try to avoid the Evil and try to be good to your satisfaction. End of the day, evil doer gets ruined themselves. It is the law of nature. Therefore even by mistake one should never think of doing evil to others.

Only good thinking can result in goodness and can take forward the thinker to the prosperity. This is the same reason that all good books, sages, wises and the winners insist that it is must and necessary for one to have the good and positive thinking at always. Therefore if the good life is that you wish for yourself then never think of evil or ruin others even by mistake forever in your life.

Only advice for you is be careful in choosing people or trusting them to this level. I have 3 good daughters to support me and you don’t have any body on whom you can lean.  There are good friends around you but we never know who is good or bad till the time it proves their real color or character. Better Leave this evil thoughts and Live for your happiness. Whatever you are or whatever you do I want you to be happy, that is what can bring in smiles in my face. You are my eldest daughter and you are like the second mother for your sisters. You have to be in such a position to handle everyone.

 I don’t need any other person to give motivation in my life to share love and affection. I have seen all your life as a woman, a wife, and a mother who has always struggled, suffered & succeeded in her life. I can proudly say that you will be the only mother who can still back me up and protect me and guide me irrespective of whether I am right or wrong.

Above all love from her is so special because we are not kids any more, we are not in our adolescent age any more, we are not young ladies any more, but to a mother her daughters are kids whether they are in 5-10 or 10-20 or 20-30 or >30.

I was playing with her yesterday and told her you always know only to scream at us and you were never soft. Immediately she said that I can’t act and say I love you or please you with words, but my deeds and actions will say that how much I love you all.

All her daughters are above 30 years and she was telling me that she is the one who thinks and worries more about her kids. I love you for this word and please don’t worry and we are in good place to handle our problems.

We trust in god that he will give us problems that we can handle and come through it. He will not give any problems to us more than what you have seen in your life. If at all if we come across anything, then it is to make ourselves stronger and to prove that we are daughters of you.

Thank you god, for giving me such a great mother and bless us to have this strong relationship till our last moment. This Birth is not enough for me to write about my mother because I have learned so much from her.

Three Mistakes of my Life

Three mistakes of my Life ! ! !

Everyone makes mistakes and there is no one in the world can live without doing any mistakes in their life. Mistakes are the most important part of life and without doing any mistakes we can’t consider ourselves as human. Without failure there is no success and without mistakes there is no learning. Path to wisdom is through mistakes.

When we do mistakes it means that we are trying something new and when your life goes in a straight path that means you are not trying anything. A life with full of mistakes is more honorable than doing nothing.

Experience is the name what we give to our mistakes and I used to feel that whatever experiences I have got it is all because of the mistakes and it’s not easy to get all the experiences by one person to feel satisfied with our own life.

People in our life doesn’t come with a guarantee that they will not hurt you, break you or shatter you. If at all someone says then they are the one who is going to break you into pieces.

I really feel happy to write these as three mistakes of my life. In general I don’t regret for doing mistakes in my life, because without doing mistakes, we can’t learn anything in life. I learned a lot by doing mistakes and I learned from others mistakes as well.

I made mistakes and it doesn’t mean that I have to suffer all through my life. Sometimes even very intellect people do silly mistakes and it makes them to fall from the top. I am an ordinary person with very little knowledge of self-handling technique. I handle myself gently when it is required to be gentle, wildly when I have to show my anger and I have been weird and absolute nonsense in making mistakes.

I have always taken all my mistakes as a way to guide me in my future steps and I don’t allow any of my mistakes to carry me to my graveyard. This time, I am unable to consider this as my mistake and I am unable to feel that it is not my mistake also. Is it my karma or god’s play? Only if it is Karma or through god’s play, I can’t handle it on my own. All other mistakes were made by me and I handled it so easily.

These mistakes of my life have become a painful story. I was thinking today that I should have considered these 3 mistakes with the three monkeys of Mahatma Gandhi. I wanted to correlate my three mistakes with three monkeys of Mahatma Gandhi because if I would have done it, I would not have got this much pain in my life.

What are the mistakes that I am referring to?

  1. Loving you without knowing anything about you & even after knowing your real color.
  2. Trusting you without knowing anything about you & even after knowing your real color.
  3. Crying for you even after knowing your real color.

I made mistake in my life by giving such an importance to someone who doesn’t know anything about me or who doesn’t know to give importance to others feelings.

Loving you without knowing anything about you & even after knowing your real color.

No matter how much you hurt me, I will still love you and I will love you till my last breath. As usual, you will be my smile and of course the reason for my tears when I smile. I have said so much about love and loving you as a stranger to feel you as my life and again back to a stranger. I don’t need you to speak to me, but I speak to you almost. I love this virtual daughter more than you because, as like with you I dont have any expectation from this daughter also.

The worst mistake of my life is loving you or feeling so great about your love. It is not about my love alone, I feel bad for feeling your love , how could I feel your love if it was not true as real? I guess you are a better actor, I don’t need  Vidya Balan to do your character but I need you to do it in my movie.

Trusting you without knowing anything about you & even after knowing your real color.

The trust what I had for you is more than the trust what I had in god. Even my god can give up but I never thought that you will give up so easily.  That is the trust of me in you. It is not that I blindly love you, I do love you but blindly trusted you was the greatest mistake of my life. I trusted your love as true that is where the eyes were blind. Mind and heart has to work differently so as I can hear my mind, when heart becomes blind. I felt so bad because both my head and heart was betrayed with your fake love because of my trust.

In general there is a saying that

Trust is like an eraser it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake. But my trust for you was growing more and more with your mistakes because I felt that you are testing my love and trust for you.

I allowed you to take advantage of my love for you and I accepted you to play with my love and allowed you to play with my feelings considering you as a child. I learned my choice was bad but I can’t go back to start over a new beginning, because I can’t get back the sweet feeling with someone else.

Crying for you even after knowing your real color.

I don’t know what for I am crying because those who really love will not make others to shed tears and you are no-where nearby the word love, and after knowing your real color, I have to throw you out and feel free and relaxed and enjoy my life, but it is really tough for me to live a life without even thinking about you.

When I think of you, only the curses of the other woman are coming to my mind and feeling so bad and wild. What is the need for you to get those curses? You are earning, eating your food and you have not seen her, why should she scold you? Of course you know the reason and I have told you that if you are the reason for it, then you deserve those curses, but ultimately, I am the one who is getting affected because of those curses.

How is it possible for a human to live such a life, a person who doesn’t feel sorry for their mistakes in life, how can I consider you as a human who doesn’t know to feel sorry or will never feel sorry?

Why did I start writing about the three mistakes of life? It is not because of Chetan Bhagat. I was thinking about the three monkey’s of Gandhi.

What does the three monkeys of Gandhi says?

I think when I see the three monkeys, I think that it denotes me of being of good mind, speak good and action (Do Good). But what is happening in my life? I am discriminating a person and when I read the contents I am getting a doubt whether the person is bad or I am bad? I am writing about the person whom I love as if I hate and what is wrong? Why I have become like this? When I think about the horror happenings of my life, I feel that it says to me the following.

  1. See no evil,
  2. Hear no evil,
  3. Speak no evil

I have seen you, heard from you, and now speaking because of the impact what I have got from you. I was appreciating only good things of people and I hate to be in a group which will spoil me or my reputation.

Ideally people will say that don’t see the bad thing, don’t hear the bad thing, don’t talk bad things as the three monkey’s definition.

Most of my friends asked me, not to post any content on her, she is not worth of saying anything but I am posting it in a feeling that she will read and try to repent for her actions in the name of god.  If she reads, she will change if not those who are like her will change.

GOD – I TRUST IN YOU, no one in the world can handle such a person. You be with her and guide her in any form, either as my Sai or as her Allah, but be with her and let her not be the reason for someone’s demise…. Enough god, please do well through her.

Hey Idiot,

I was not ready to hear something bad about you, but am hearing the curses for you and you made me to write so much bad about you and it is a greatest sin of my life. To get rid out of this sin, I have to get rid of everything what I have for you. Yes giving up my love, affection, care and everything in the name of god. Let him handle you. Change is the expectation and a change will happen in someone’s life, I can’t expect a change in you, because only those who are in sense can think, let me change my way.

16 years of Love

Art of writing is a blessing and this comes with everyone easily over a period of time. Practice makes man perfect.

This is really an old chapter of my life and I don’t write anything as imaginary things in my life. I live truly and I say and do everything from heart. This content is also about someone whom I love and I will love till my end of my life.

I started writing this content on 5th May’2012, but somehow I could not finish it and share my love for her. I am sorry for the delay but I guess this is the right time for me to post.

How is it possible for us to have the same level of love from the year one till now?

I love words. I love to speak and coin them and even now, I must admit, I have fallen into the joy of writing. I don’t know when I started scribbling, and when my friend told me that I started scribble long time back and only she can comment on it because I would have spent ages to write my love for her. She knows it but still I tried to convey it through words, I failed in that. I prepared a power point presentation with 1500 slides and shared it with her.

In two of the slides, I said that don’t ever come after my death nearer to me, because seeing your tears, I will get up to wipe it. That is the level of my love.

In another slide, I will pray to god that I have to die after her because I don’t want her to see the death of her dearth child. That is because I value her love for me.

I know for sure that she has not read even 500 slides, she would have felt so bad for me because I wasted so much time. She said hey stupid, do you need to waste so much time to say your love to me? I know it with your one smile and in one drop of your tear my dear kutty naai( Puppy).

During the course of time she said, I really admire you for your sincerity and dedication and concentration and the way I used to be with my computers, she knows that I can only do something with computers and any other things will not interests me like a computer.

Of course she will not allow me to shed the second drop of tear and she will wipe the first drop of my tears and with a hug she will say, why you have to shed your tears, am here to handle you and you are my first love.

The thorns on a rose are not there to hurt us, it is there to guide and protect us.

She was the one who made this (me) thorn to a rose and for some time she was like a thorn towards me and I failed to understand that those thorns feelings are to protect me. For those who feel now me as pleasant personality is all because of this wonderful friend of mine. Now I can’t show my thorny face to those whom I love or those who are  close to my heart. I learned to show the bright smile from her.

Whatever people feel as my great personality in the last 6-7 years, I have to say that it is all because of her. I can’t say that we never had any arguments, every day we used to have arguments, because we both are two extreme kinds of people.

Even we had a big fight and we were not communicating with each other for more than a year.  But we were living with the same feeling, thinking about each other’s betterment of life. The main reason for me to share this is, we know that we love each other to the core and we know that the gap is only a temporary gap.

When she was trying to avoid me for some personal reason, I was in angry that she was not ready to convince me, because she is the one who can make me to convince me in all the phases of my life. My anger was not on her but why she was not trying to convince me. After sometime I realized that it was not her mistake, but I was not in a right mind of state to accept anything from her.

I hope when she would have got a call from a training institute for conducting some training. I told the trainer not to use my name, but I hope she would have felt that it was through me. That moment she would have realized that I care for her.

During that 1 year time, she didn’t communicated with me directly, but she was sending mails, sent some SMS’s as wishes etc from a new number. When I asked her who is this, simply a word your sweet heart and that’s it, all my anger will vanish at that moment and I will start feeling my love for her.

I love to hang around with my friends and for her no one is required. To great knowledge I can count her friends, and to my great knowledge I can’t count my friends. Even a stranger will become a friend to me in few minutes and for her it will take ages for a stranger to become as a friend. When I used to see her in the beginning, I used to feel that she is a rude female and she will not smile at all. Even if we smile at her, she will take time to smile, because she can’t act and she has to smile from heart.

I will trust blindly everyone and she will rate the person and start trusting them slowly. In spite of huge differences between us, we have a very nice understanding. We give respect to each other very much. At times I was so arrogant and I will behave childish. I will get wild and she was adoring, admiring and adjusting me to the core. I know how much she was tolerating me.

Thanks for your patience and tolerating me. I have to say that she is of a person who will feel more for me than me if I shed a drop of tear. She is not only a friend for me a god mother as my family used to say it to me.

I know for sure that I have tender qualities and I tried to show myself as a rigid character and not as a soft personality to anyone. In a way I want to become the old wild animal to kill two animals, but god has made me to be soft through you and I can’t go back to start a new beginning with my wildness.

I remember 6 months ago, you told me that there can’t be second person like you in my life. I have to agree to you that yes because we are very loving and we know to give respect to each other’s feelings and we have a beautiful relationship.  Above all it is destiny and god has decided that we two have to share this relationship till end of our life.

I learned that Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength only from her. I love you for teaching me the great values of life and I thank you for making me so soft in my life. whatever I show to the one whom I love is because I learned it from her.

You entered my life as a mentor, stranger, friend, and became everything to me. You are the one who made a rock as a diamond. Whatever I am today, it has your efforts in all the ways. It is really a god’s gift for me that I will always be surrounded by good people, if some bad people come they will either turn good or they will leave me. I am not worried about those who leave me and I am more concerned about those who live with me

I owe a lot to you for the way you changed my life, but I don’t know how to return it to you. As you used to say, I need you till end of our life. 

Interesting Conversation

It was quite an interesting conversation between my friend.

Friend: Why you have to suffer like this ? what for you have to grieve like this?

ME: what happened? I am okay

Friend: Hey I am seeing you for the last 3 months and don’t tell me that you are okay, Do you know what kind of life you are living?

Me: I don’t understand what you mean, but I am okay.

Friend: Hello ! ! you are living like a dead body, do you know  what is a coma patient? A patient who doesn’t know what is happening around her. You are like that. You are sleeping, getting up, ready to work, coming back, eating, again sleeping but without any feelings of living?

Me : May be you are right, I don’t know what to do and how long I have to be like this also?

Friend: I am serious you look like a coma patient and you need to come out of your tragedy or pain. what for you have to suffer? Life is once and live it happily and enjoy each moment.

Me: (I smiled with tears and told her that it was my favorite words not for others, but for myself. I will not take anything as so serious to affect my happiness, but now I am unable to do anything. Somehow I am working and in my work am sincere and dedicated without any problem.)

I can’t hold something which gives pain to me in my heart, either I will throw them out or I will forgive them, but now I am unable to forgive myself.

Friend: Oho common, why you have to worry for a rotten apple? If someone gives you a rotten apple, will you try to eat it? Think your problem also as a rotten apple and throw it away. Don’t hold it and take the pain all through your life. Life is only once. Remember this.

Friend : Hurting someone or getting hurt by someone is part of life and holding it is like not ready to give up. When you can forgive the others, why not yourself? Love yourself most and all others less than that.

Me : I was loving myself most. You don’t know anything about me, whatever phases I have crossed in my life all is because I loved myself more than anyone else. Apart from love, I give respect to others feelings as well. When I can’t go ahead with them, I used to tell them that I can’t do this and it is better to part than to continue in a painful relationship.

Friend : So what is bothering you now? you are not a kid to get affected to this much?

Me: I am not but may be because of some childish character i got hurt

Friend: Oh leave it, dont hold grudges dear, it is not going to heal you.

Me : grudges, I can’t have it for her because I love her more than myself

Friend : You have to be happy that you learned something from this relationship dear.

Me : yes, I learned a lot, that I can go to this level.

Friend : It is good to give up something for someone, but when you know that the person is not worth of it, it pains and you are suffering in that pain.

Me : No, I am not suffering because of rejection, because I don’t like to hold someone in my hands when they want to fly, I let them fly.. After few rounds, they will come back to me. I have seen that. nothing can be done by holding whether with love or even the grudges.

Friend: You have to feel happy that you could give up everything for someone.

Me : Yep, I know for sure that I can’t give up even 1% of it to anyone for any reason.

Friend : That means she is special and you felt that it is special. now you are not able to give  that special place for her because she did something wrong.

Me : not really, I still have the same place for her, but it is little complicated story, which Idont want to discuss and I want to forget.

Friend : Only thing I can tell you is nothing can bring happiness only you can bring happiness to you, ofcourse if someone special has done something, it really pains, but don’t kill yourself like this. You have a long way to go and enjoy your each moment. Don’t think about anyone who has spoiled your happiness.

Me : If so I can’t think about anyone dear, at any point of time, all the people whom we come across would have created some painful moments. Whether the pain or the happiness created by them is the thing values more. I know I have spent more time with pain, but still everyday that pain is fresh for me. I think tonite is the end of this pain, but again the morning dawn wakes me up with the same pain.

Friend : if you live like this, you will be no where in the world.

Me : already I am no where and I don’t have anything special in my life.

Friend : Don’t make me wild.

Me : I am sorry, can we talk something else? ( Tears were flowing like anything)

Friend : I am sorry, Cry and let it go, I don’t know what is your problem, but you have to come out of it or talk to the one who created it and clear your pain.

Me : Everything is as per god’s plan. We met because of destiny and we don’t know how long we are going to be in this same apartment, I will try to be cheerful at least in front of your eyes. I am in a  different world and my world has only very few people in it and I live in that dream world. May be that’s why you are feeling that I am abnormal. Yes I am and be happy and enjoy your nite, good nite catch u later, I have to sleep.

Friend :  (Let god help you to come out of it) Good nite