Please don’t expect something special to celebrate the Valentine’s Day as a special day. For me every day is Valentine’s Day till this year beginning special only but this date is somewhat painful day in my life. Till last year it was a beautiful day and I used to feel that all days are special day in my life and I will share my love with everyone in a special and unique way. Last year I got the special invite in my gtalk from a special person, I didn’t know at that time it was from a silly person.
From this year I guess I will not have those kind of special days in my life and I am so scared to smile at a stranger or even with the friends with whom I am associated. I learned to smile artificially, I learned to show artificial feelings and I am feeling so scared to show my real care or affection to anyone including my own blood.
It was not a lengthy friendship with her, but she made one year of my life to end as waste. From Jan-12 to Feb-13 almost 13 months, What all I have lost?? I would have spent more time with all my friends; I would have learned lot of things every day.
I am just counting the days from 14-02-2012 to till 14-02-2013, how many days I would have been so happy and in pain? How much I lost in the last one year?
Peace, Happiness, Health, Smiles, Care, Love, Affection, Friends and friendship, Money, Fame, Everything lost because of one person and the one who has made me a real zero in my life. I don’t need people to make me hero but I should not have allowed someone to make me zero.
I was talking to my mother after a long break. I was not real to anyone in the last 5 months. I am sorry friends. Those who really know me were helping me to great extent to come out of this hell of pain. My mother was telling me that, “Within a short period of friendship you decided to do that much for which she is not fit, you have over-estimated her for love, friendship, faith and trust means it is your fault and I appreciate her smartness in making you to believe her to this level. I was not able to say to my mother, that it is not smartness but it is to be called as cunningest.
Leave it my child, God is great. He will not come directly to show us the way we have to follow few things and it is given by him and we have to learn the lesson. So he sends persons like her to learn about people around us. Don’t feel bad about it. Take it as a lesson and go ahead. This kind of avarice exists and they will not realize anything till they lose something precious in their life.
We are not here to curse or to hold them with our love and care. They need to be released and let them go and enjoy or suffer. Let us not suffer by holding this kind of people. It is in your destiny that she has to come and give you a lesson for life. Take it as a lesson for life not to think that you have to end your life. You were fooled by her. Yes I have to agree that. I was adamant not to feel that she acted with me. God made me to understand it by all means and she proved it through her own words.
There is a saying that “If tears of love, joy and ecstasy have not washed your cheeks, you are yet to taste life.” My people (Includes all those who knows me) knows that I am blessed and tears have touched my cheeks because of love, joy, ecstasy and also because of pains, but this pain given by her has taken away all the happiness and pains of life.
One of my friend said “Hello dear this is the 21st century, if without spending anything, if i can spoil someone and get free enjoyment, people will do anything and they will name it as Love and later we will come to know that it is Lust. Love is not life and Love is a chapter in Life and I have written all the pages of my life with love and now it is time for me to see the world without love because of the mistake of loving you.
I have to start my life from scratch and with a fear of life, I am living all my day in fear that what is it going to bring today in your name?
Tell me do we need this stupid so called Love for others? Do we need to care for others? Do we need to pray for others? Especially praying for you is also to be considered as sin, because you will ask everyone to pray for you.
God I have only one question in my mind, why did you allow her to enter my life and made my life so miserable? Just to flirt with others she misused me? Is this called as affection or care? For this you made me to suffer so much? I would have arranged even more for her if she would have asked me that I want/need. There is a lot of difference between Love and Lust. Why you need so much cheap drama’s?
When I was typing this, only thing came to my mind was I got the instinct of writing the same content, 9 months back and I am not sure whether I discussed with her. I feel that I got a dream and today that dream has come true…..
LOVE IS PAINFUL.. Love is Pleasant even in pain when the person whom you love is worth of it. Try to find the person worth of it, if you get a person worth of it, they will not give any pain.