Over Pain

Love is painful only when it is not shared perfectly or properly. Love is more painful when we share it to a wrong person or when we share it to the one who don’t deserve it

Love is a game for you, and without knowing what it is, if you play, it will hurt not only others, it will hurt you as well. I took all the pains from week 1 till today. Unknowingly and knowingly I too have given some pains to you. I am sorry for it. I really mean it. I don’t have any grudges but I have the pain. All the pains I have given is because the pain what I have gone through is over the limit.

OVER PAIN made me to give those pains to you.  

I can define what is over pain to you my dear.

Over Pain is something which you can’t bear it. When you control all your emotions not to hurt the other person, there will be a limit and when it crosses more than that and since they suppress all their emotions, it will burst out and they can’t control it. It is like the Earthquakes and Valcanoes. Funny I gave over love to you and I got the gift of over pain from you…

Unknowingly – I gave this Pain to you.

When your father was sick, I scolded you badly saying that I don’t want to listen your crap, you don’t know the meaning of life and death. Did I speak for my father’s sake? He is your father and you only sent the message that he is having chest pain from morning, I may need to take him to hospital after IFTAR, pray for him. After reading this message anyone who has a heart will say bloody idiot take him immediately to the hospital.

When I read your message and tried to call you, you didn’t pick the call and all of us (my team) were worried about your father. Why we have to worry for him? Neither we know him nor have we seen him. It is basic courtesy when a person is suffering from heart problem, immediate attention is required. You will take him to hospital after 2 hours and because of your carelessness nothing should happen for him. I would have felt the same even with my enemy also. You were not my enemy that time, how do you want me to react my dear wow fantastic, what a love you have for your father. Great may your Allah bless you because you all kept the fasting and waited for IFTAR. Do you want me to praise you like this? Luckily nothing happened to your father, if he would have got sudden attack or something negative would have happened, I have to kill myself for keeping quite??

It is not because your father, this is humanity and you will not know what is humanity because you were able to sit and pray at home.

I don’t know what for you bought the ring for me and gifted it and the above incident happened within two days and I scolded you with all my love and in a feeling that you are mine. When I can take your gift as token of your love and do you think I don’t have any rights to scold you? I have to scold you at that moment only not after 10 days or 20 days. What did I ask you, you will do the same thing with everyone?

In Love people have all the rights to scold you, correct you, warn you, irritate you, if required to slap you also. How you will know this na? Neither do you know to love nor to give respect to others. You need love, respect, trust, faith, honor from everyone but you will not give anything to anyone and you will feel proud to be a selfish.

You are keeping this in your heart as grudge? Or just informed your husband that this hurts you more and not telling the real thing which hurt you more? Even now I am thinking positively that she don’t want to say the real hurt to him. That is called as love.

Now I returned the gift to you, I don’t have any rights to scold you, please forgive me, I was wrong because it was your father and you know what to do, I am sorry for scolding you. Whether you want him to live a long life or to suffer with pain is your responsibility. I don’t care who is he – I can’t say this because he is in my daily prayers as your father itself.

This is my heartfelt apologies, because I scolded a stranger and who doesn’t mean anything to me. I can scold a friend, daughter, sister, mother, father, brother or any relation but I am not supposed to scold a stranger

Will you be HAPPY NOW, I want you to be happy always. BE HAPPY…

Knowingly – I gave this Pain to you.

Love is so lovely feeling when it is shared with a right person, who enjoys it. Love makes people so vulnerable.

Unlike you, I have not shown my love to hurt you or it is just a symbol of care and concern only. I will write separately why I tried to hold you because the world should get the clarity and I have to get the serenity. I didn’t do anything purposely to hurt you till 3rd January’2013.

I came to UAE for my visa renewal process only and I didn’t come either to see you or purposely to hurt you. I decided to give up my love when I realized that you acted well on 2nd Dec’2012. Neither I felt love in your eyes nor did I feel so happy in that gift. I really took that because you said it is from your mom.  I was betrayed with your crocodile tears. I should not have seen you on that day itself. As per my plan, I should have given the ring to you through Anantha…

If I would have given the ring on 2nd December at least I would not have written a dirty note to you. After reading a lot about Islam and the punishments for hurting others knowingly only I gave that to you. Because I didn’t hurt you knowingly, you said you have done everything knowingly to get more love from me.

I don’t know in that one month what all drama’s happened in your life, but whatever I heard from my friends about you were disgusting. I was really shocked and I was beaten by hammers by each and every one.

By giving one more gift, you created a huge gap in my heart because if you would have bought it with real love, you would not have deleted my ID. If you would have bought it from your heart as a gift for my birthday, you would have called me on that day not as a first call at least as a last call. That call means a lot to me not your fake gifts. Even then I didn’t give up and it was my mistake. After that also how you can use the fake words…….

Everyone asked me has she called you? I said I didn’t get her call. Do you know how much painful it was? You will not know because neither you have shown real love nor seen real love.  I was feeling ashamed of you because how a person can be like this. When Anantha asked me, how you are bearing it, I said all the wishes from all others were like my condolence’s for me. I was not able to celebrate it in spite of being at home.

I wrote a lengthy note and definitely you can’t take that pain and I made everything as cut short and gave a little note only. It is not to hurt you, but to make you understand what kind of pain you have given to the people around you. But you will not know it because only people with feelings will know it. You are just arrogant female who will never know it.

I lost faith in you and I started asking my Sai, Shall I ping her, I got NO only, Shall I send a mail to her, I got No, Shall I inform her that I am going to come to UAE, I got No. When I was in UAE, Shall I call her I got no, I myself got a doubt whether I wrote Yes/No or only No. When I asked to send the gifts with note, I got yes and even I got a blessing as well, whatever has to happen will happen and it is as per your destiny. It was god’s Decision and I believe in him.

I avoided his decision once in Mar-12 and paying the price now, When you disconnected the call and said your brother came, that time I got deep hurt and pain. When I asked him, Shall I talk to her, I got No only. But I tried to keep up the relationship without thinking anything.

Whatever Apologies I have asked to you from week1 were not to show that you are great, to show that I want you to learn to say sorry’s even if you are not wrong, because saying sorry is going to keep the other heart feel that they are the one who has done mistake and you give importance to them to keep up the relationship.

I don’t know in less than one year of time how many sorry you would have said, but nothing from heart. If so I don’t need to write my painful stories with you.

Normally I showed my attitude and I showed my real and true love from heart. I didn’t change it even 1% even after knowing your attitude. Then I realized that I have to show what you deserve only to you. I stopped to ping you. It was really painful. I lost 5kgs of my weight, not because I didn’t ping you, because my love succumbed inside me.

Only the way you reacted and the gap what I tried to give from my side, made me to realize that holding you is waste of time and I have lost few good months by holding you. I am not like you to sit in the bedroom and dwell in my dream-world.

I am a creator and I love to make people Happy, Smile, bring in some Joy, Happiness in their life. That was the mistake from me because why I have to try the above with you. I tried the same with my best friend, I don’t have any hurts because of her. I know that she is like that, she will not say to me anytime that I am showing my REAL Color to you, because she is showing me her real color from Day1.

I have given some pain to her because of your reactions. I have shown all my anger of holding you to my family, kin & kith, friends.

One thing is for sure that I should not have shown any love or care of kindness towards you because of your basic attitude itself. When I got hurt for the first time, I should have let you go. Holding you for nothing was my mistake.

God only gave me the instinct and I don’t know why he gave that instinct to me, whether to make me to feel that I will get only this kind of daughter if I go for adoption or to make me feel for the one I lost in my early stages of my life. I have not felt bad for anything in my life other than loving you.

Unknowingly or Knowingly Pain

I really don’t know whether I said those words to you knowingly or unknowingly. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but out of hurt and the pain, it came out of my mouth. I really felt bad for saying it to you. I didn’t say that you should not have kids and I said first learn what is love and let the kid not suffer with you. It is out of frustration only. I didn’t feel bad because of uttering those words, but I felt bad because I said it when you asked me to pray for you. I should not have said that at that time. Even now I feel only because that I said it when you asked me to pray. I don’t feel for the words.

I really meant not to hurt you. I said in ways that “First know what is love and how to show love” Don’t give the pain to your kid or don’t make the kid to feel for mother’s love. When you don’t know what love is, how you can show motherliness to your kid. I know the way you used to repel for each and everything. You will do with your kid also. But I said it because of the pain what you gave to me.

Having kids is not a big deal, but to be honest, I sent a message also to you that if I die now, I will be born as your kid again. After your husband’s call, only thing came to my mind is why I should get a mother like you, when I have a lovely mother for me and this made me to stop thinking about killing myself. If I commit suicide, it is a curse and I have to suffer in my next birth. Already I suffered by thinking you as my kid. I am facing the punishment and I myself know how wild you are and why I should get you as my mother? Just to make you happy to have a kid, god will give someone else. Why I have to suffer in my next birth as a kid to you na?

Why should I suffer in my next birth also? I thought that it will be a blessing for you to have a kid, but it will be a curse for me, if I die and be born as a kid to you.

All kids are to be born as blessings to their parents but time will decide whether that kid has got a wonderful parent or not. I am blessed in this birth and I don’t want to give any pain to my mother whenever I get hurt or want to commit suicide, I will think that how bold she is. I am blessed with a good mother, with good deeds, with good people around me. I will not die for a silly stupid female who doesn’t deserve or who has not done that much to feel for her or to die for her.

I have some special people in my life, for whom I want to be born as a daughter. Already you are the biggest mistake of my life and why I have to take it to my next birth. I have some wonderful people to come with me in all my births and definitely you are not one among them.

A Stranger is always a stranger. Neither I know much about you nor I wish to know in future. This is my heartfelt apologies, because I scolded a stranger and who doesn’t mean anything to me. I can scold a friend, daughter, sister, mother, father, brother or any relation but I am not supposed to scold a stranger. 

6 thoughts on “Over Pain

  1. Dear Anu,

    Seems to be you have gone through so much of deep pain and out of frustraion you have bursted.no need to worry about it. It happens in the love !

    how come there is no birthday wish from her !! it’s not at all acceptable, unfair ! ! !

    If the person getting the chest pain, first thing he need to be taken to hospital and do the emergency.

    I Feel she also has love but she dont know how to express it or giving value to it.

    • Hi,
      Thanks.. Pain is inevitable in love and I know one or the other day I will get this pain, but I never expected that I will get this much out of short period.
      Anyway it is part of life cycle. Loving, missing, getting hurt, pain, again loving, missing and the cycle continues till we die….
      Returning hate for hate multiplies hate That was not my intention to hate, I tried to love inspite of my hurts and God wanted me to get relieved from the so called word LOVE….

      Good that you are feeling that she has love and she is not able to express it…. By Expressing it, I got hurt, and without expressing she got hurt… Love gave only hurt and pain for us…. Why do we need it?

  2. Hi,

    Don’t you feel that your friend/that person had/has love for you? I feel that she has love for you….

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