I don’t have any words to say thanks and by saying thanks I don’t want to make our relationship so cheap. I really feel that I don’t deserve your love my dear brother. I know I was little partial with you, but it is not because that I hate you, it is because that I have got more pressure from you.
I know I have shown my love best to you and in the same way I rejoiced your care and concern for me. I avoided you purposely because day by day you were feeling that I have to share my time more with you and the way you were forcing me to walk with you from ground to my flat was really terrible.
I know out of your love you wanted to spend more time with me and you don’t know about my health issues as well. I was not able to tell you either about my physical pain or about the pain given by your sister. Anyways I enjoyed your love for me, care for me and at times I felt irritated while walking with you as you were not ready to leave me to go by Taxi.
During Ramadan, I wanted to buy dress for you and to celebrate your festival with you and it is to make you happy and to make you feel that you are special to me. When you took the dress from me, by touching my feet on the road, I was deeply uplifted and felt that I don’t deserve your love at all. I used to pour love to many in my life, but I never got the same kind of love from anyone. Even my own blood will not do it on the road to have my blessings. Neither my son nor my brother will do it. You used to say that you are blessed by Allah to have me in your life, even I am also blessed to have you in my life.
Earlier Amar has done it during his marriage time and that time itself I felt overwhelmed and I felt like so blessed. But when it was by you it was more touching because Amar born and brought up in India and he was alone here and he wanted to get the blessings as the values of our customs and I was deeply touched when Yvon also did that.
I used to feel that I am born to give love and I never got it the way I have given it either with my friends or with the loved one as I call as my brother and daughter or son. When I got it as the way I used to give it from you, I was feeling like am in heaven, if we miss, then both of us will feel upset. I never expected it to get as well. When I got it from you, I was not able to react properly.
I know that pain and I don’t want you to feel even a small pain because of me in future. We are from different nationals and time will separate us from our current place and you will not be in a place to see me or think about me. Neither I can take the pain nor I can give that pain to you.
I know when I don’t talk much with you or when we miss each other, you will have the pain. But that pain will be for short-term only. I never kept silence with you even when you used to keep your mobiles switched off or when you used to remove my id from facebook or from Gtalk. Out of love, you are getting anger that I am not spending time with you and you know that my circle is very huge and I have to give time for everyone. I can’t spend my time alone with you.
If I can spend my time alone with one person, god would not have shown you in front of my eyes, I would have been someone’s wife without worrying about others and thinking only about me and my family. Now I really care about all the people around me.
You can check with almost all my friends, they know about you, that means I value you and you are known to all my circle and it means that I have given importance to you. All my friends will not know about all others. but definitely, they know about you and the other female.
Many times you have told me that you kill me with your hands or handover me to police so as I will not be outside so as I will not see you. Do you think I can do these things? How can you expect me to accept you ? Neither a mother can do this nor can a sister do this in love or for loving someone so deeply. I will not say your love as mad but it is deep. I know it. You are unable to control it and you are thinking that you are controlling it.
Does God made us to be together to kill you or to kill myself? There is a reason for everyone’s entry in our life and I give more reasons for each and everyone who enters my life. Either as a lesson or as an experience or as a feeling. You are one of the best feeling of my life as I wish to have.
You know me as your DD only. Whereas for all others around me, they know me as their colleague and then as their friend or some other way. God didn’t introduce you to me just like that without any purpose. Above all, how many of us were playing the ground. How many used to come with you? Have I ever given any concern to others? How many days I would have waited for you to come and play? GOD HAS PLANNED EVERYTHING and we are just acting as per his story. Neither I did something great nor you did something wrong.
Sometimes we will love someone and they will not know the feeling or understand or reciprocate the same, because you know what you mean to me and I know what I mean to you. I feel that is enough in between us. Nobody can separate it from us. Even if you get 1000 DD’s in life, I will be the special one. I might say 1000 as my brothers but you will be special yaar.
Since you were so touched by my love, I felt that if I show in the same way, it might lead to madness and you also used to say that pagal bana diya hai na DD… I don’t want you to be mad of me, but I want you to accept my love as it is and to have you all through my life. I know what will be the pain if you become mad of someone.
As you were not able to understand my pain and sufferings, I was not able to talk to you or move freely as I was earlier because of your possessiveness. I felt like the more I give the weaker you are becoming. Only in Love when we give more we will not become stronger and we will become weaker. Same way only in love we want more and more and even when it reduces a little, we will not be able to take that pain.
You know that I never avoided you and due to my work pressure and health issues, mental worries, I was not able to show or see you as you were expecting.
I was not able to make you understand because your words mean a lot and the way you were showing your love started making you to feel expect more and more and I was not able to spend even short time with me as my attention was somewhere else.
Sometimes I avoided you purposely, but it was not to hurt you. It was because the way you are acting I was not happy with it. Seeing me without my knowledge and waiting for me nearby my flat for hours together and asking me to come down to see and not coming in front of me.
I know I have shown my hard face to you, but how can I show my smiling face if you keep on hurting in the name of love. Love is a blessed feeling and don’t complicate it.
I know your love and you don’t need to make it cheap by hurting yourself. What was your question, can a brother see his sister at late night, yes a brother can see a sister in her room at any time, but people around you doesn’t know that you treat me as your sister or mother. I don’t want some stupid crap people to talk either bad about you or bad about me.
I am more particular about this and that’s the reason I don’t allow any guys to come alone to meet me. Have you ever seen me roaming with anyone other than you? From office, we used to gather at one place and then we will be going in a group only. At least we will be going as 3. It is not that I don’t trust them, I give respect to myself and I love myself. I don’t want others to talk cheaply about us.
I know you follow your religion sincerely and you can’t think something bad about me. If you feel that I don’t trust you, then god will not forgive me forever. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Only thing is I am unable to show my love only to you because I have so many people around me. I can’t show it only to you.
If you don’t understand and if you want to do the same thing again and again, do it and you will also be in my memory not in my life. I mean it because my love should not destroy you and I want my love to make you grow matured not to die for me or because of my love.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone. You are unique and I can’t say to someone who I love you like Mahtab. Mahtab is different and that female is different. I love these two different characters in different way not in the similar way. The time what I spent for each of you is unique and the feelings what I have for both of you differs from each other. You can’t replace her place and she can’t even come nearer to your place. PLEASE UNDERSTAND IT
When I talk about your sister, she might not feel the same way as I feel but you feel about me the same thing what I feel about you.
You are a unique character and I Love you with SMILES and I have to love you with a smile because you love only my smiles. I love her with TEARS, and she prefers me to shed tears only. I know that you will not let even a single drop of tear in my eyes because of you, if at all if I shed tears, it will be in happiness only. Why I have to lose you in my life?
She is arrogant, adamant wild character and I have to love her in her way. With all her negative she will bring a smile in my face. Always you want to see that smile in my face. When I have some problems with her, how can I show my smile to you?
Don’t ever compare you with her because I can slap you on the road, but I can’t even say a word to her. That is different love and yours is different love. If she makes me to shed tears, you can make me to smile. If she makes me to smile, you will see me with smiles. You know me even before her; you have tasted my love even before her. You know me more than her. You have spent more time than her. What else you need ?
If people around us comes to know your love for me or my love for you or my love for that female will say that we are mad and crazy. Some will say that we need to consult psychiatrist, but they doesn’t know the real meaning of love. They all live in this-worldly treasures and they run behind the money, fake smiles, fake prayers, fake hugs, fake love, fake and fake only fake in everything they do. They are not true to themselves and I give damn care to them as well. Because I am born to LOVE.
Only for love I can give up anything and for your sake, I am ready to give up my love for your happiness as well. You want to be away, be away and enjoy my smiles and tears from distance, if it gives you happiness.
How can you buy gifts for me, when you were not ready to take the gifts from me? I wanted to buy the Dart pins for you as you dedicated your runner-up cup to me last year and I wanted you to play this year tournament with the new pin gifted by me and you were not ready to take it as my gift. When are you going to dedicate the winning cup to me ????
Still I accepted your gifts because I know with Tons of Love you bought it for me. I give value for the time and money that you have spent buying it. I have not seen the value of it, but the time what you have spent to buy it. You were not ready to have a dinner also with Anantha which I asked him to take you for your Birthday.
Thanks for your wonderful gifts. I am really happy to get it from you. I never know that you have this much taste. My Birthday would have been a best day if I would have got all your gifts on the same day. Unfortunately the shirts bought by you were small and after reducing a lot also, I was not able to wear it. I guess you are considering me as your younger sister that’s why you bought so small.
After coming to Abu Dhabi, first thing I checked was the shirt because both the colors I love it and the way it was looking was excellent but was very small. It was my mistake to give the size of the T-shirts and for each brand and model the sizes differ my dear brother. From next time onward you will not buy it alone, I will be with you to buy it. With your permission, I gave it to one of my friend and it really means a lot, because you said you can do anything with it. I don’t want your love to be wasted and it has to be used by some one with the love. I have seen that some one wearing it and I felt overjoyed. You gave me all the happiness of the world.
About the chain and pendant, I am really sorry. When I saw it in the photo’s I was so happy that you bought it for me. But I never knew that it was gold chain with diamond pendant. Anantha also didn’t see the bills what you kept inside the box. He took the photos of it as I requested and forced him to show it to me. I told him that out of love he has bought it and I want to see it. Since the chain bought by you was little long and I want the pendant to be visible when I wear it.
I will not say that I will wear it till I die, because if someone else buys it for me, I have no other option to wear that as I have to make them happy as well. I will wear it as long as possible and this will be with me.
Even when I met you on Jan 3rd I didn’t knew that it was a gold chain. Normally I don’t wear any metals other than gold and it is my habit in last 25 years. I don’t prefer to wear diamonds also. But this birthday I lost a stone and I know that I got a couple of diamonds in life. As the chain was little longer and I wanted it to be changed with a shorter version of a chain so as the pendant will be visible. I hope you are happy to see me wearing it. Thanks for your love and lovely gifts. This is not a mere thanks and it is heart-felt feeling yaar.
In a way you are right that I cry for the one who doesn’t know what she means to me and I made you to feel bad because of my tears… I am sorry, I know that you don’t like to see me with tears and you can make me to smile.
Normally we will see the closed doors and we will forget the doors that are open for us. I think I should not see any doors as my world is always open to all the lovely people. Who knows the value of love can come and stick with me forever and be happy that you are one among those who know the value of love.
I can tell you one thing that even if I say that you mean nothing to me, your love will not change and the same with me as well. Even if you say that you don’t know me, my love will not change.
DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS LOVE.
With same love what you have seen two years back,
Always your DD