Mahtab- Rivalry Brother

Hey Mahtab,

I don’t have any words to say thanks and by saying thanks I don’t want to make our relationship so cheap. I really feel that I don’t deserve your love my dear brother. I know I was little partial with you, but it is not because  that I hate you, it is because that I have got more pressure from you.

I know I have shown my love best to you and in the same way I rejoiced your care and concern for me. I avoided you purposely because day by day you were feeling that I have to share my time more with you and the way you were forcing me to walk with you from ground to my flat was really terrible.

I know out of your love you wanted to spend more time with me and you don’t know about my health issues as well. I was not able to tell you either about my physical pain or about the pain given by your sister. Anyways I enjoyed your love for me, care for me and at times I felt irritated while walking with you as you were not ready to leave me to go by Taxi.

During Ramadan, I wanted to buy dress for you and to celebrate your festival with you and it is to make you happy and to make you feel that you are special to me. When you took the dress from me, by touching my feet on the road, I was deeply uplifted and felt that I don’t deserve your love at all. I used to pour love to many in my life, but I never got the same kind of love from anyone.  Even my own blood will not do it on the road to have my blessings. Neither my son nor my brother will do it. You used to say that you are blessed by Allah to have me in your life, even I am also blessed to have you in my life.

Earlier Amar has done it during his marriage time and that time itself I felt overwhelmed and I felt like so blessed. But when it was by you it was more touching because Amar born and brought up in India and he was alone here and he wanted to get the blessings as the values of our customs and I was deeply touched when Yvon also did that.

I used to feel that I am born to give  love and I never got it the way I have given it either with my friends or with the loved one as I call as my brother and daughter or son. When I got it as the way I used to give it from you, I was feeling like am in heaven, if we miss, then both of us will feel upset. I never expected it to get as well. When I got it from you, I was not able to react properly.

I know that pain and I don’t want you to feel even a small pain because of me in future. We are from different nationals and time will separate us from our current place and you will not be in a place to see me or think about me. Neither I can take the pain nor I can give that pain to you.

I know when I don’t talk much with you or when we miss each other, you will have the pain. But that pain will be for short-term only. I never kept silence with you even when you used to keep your mobiles switched off or when you used to remove my id from facebook or from Gtalk. Out of love, you are getting anger that I am not spending time with you and you know that my circle is  very huge  and I have to give time for everyone. I can’t spend my time alone with you.

If I can spend my time alone with one person, god would not have shown you in front of my eyes, I would have been someone’s wife without worrying about others and thinking only about me and my family. Now I really care about all the people around me. 

You can check with almost all my friends, they know about you, that means I value you and you are known to all my circle and it means that I have given importance to you. All my friends will not know about all others. but definitely, they know about you and the other female.

Many times you have told me that you kill me with your hands or handover me to police so as I will not be outside so as I will not see you. Do you think I can do these things? How can you expect me to accept you ? Neither a mother can do this nor can a sister do this in love or for loving someone so deeply. I will not say your love as mad but it is deep. I know it. You are unable to control it and you are thinking that you are controlling it.

Does God made us to be together to kill you or to kill myself? There is a reason for everyone’s entry in our life and I give more reasons for each and everyone who enters my life. Either as a lesson or as an experience or as a feeling. You are one of the best feeling of my life as I wish to have.

You know me as your DD only. Whereas for all others around me, they know me as their colleague and then as their friend or some other way. God didn’t introduce you to me just like that without any purpose. Above all, how many of us were playing the ground. How many used to come with you? Have I ever given any concern to others? How many days I would have waited for you to come and play? GOD HAS PLANNED EVERYTHING and we are just acting as per his story. Neither I did something great nor you did something wrong.

Sometimes we will love someone and they will not know the feeling or understand or reciprocate the same, because  you know what you mean to me and I know what I mean to you. I feel that is enough in between us. Nobody can separate it from us. Even if you get 1000 DD’s in life, I will be the special one. I might say 1000 as my brothers but you will be special yaar.

Since you were so touched by my love, I felt that if I show in the same way, it might lead to madness and you also used to say that pagal bana diya hai na DD… I don’t want you to be mad of me, but I want you to accept my love as it is and to have you all through my life. I know what will be the pain if you become mad of someone.

As you were not able to understand my pain and sufferings, I was not able to talk to you or move freely as I was earlier because of your possessiveness. I felt like the more I give the weaker you are becoming. Only in Love when we give more we will not become stronger and we will become weaker. Same way only in love we want more and more and even when it reduces a little, we will not be able to take that pain.

You know that I never avoided you and due to my work pressure and health issues, mental worries, I was not able to show or see you as you were expecting.

I was not able to make you understand because your words mean a lot and the way you were showing your love started making you to feel expect more and more and I was not able to spend even short time with me as my attention was somewhere else.

Sometimes I avoided you purposely, but it was not to hurt you. It was because the way you are acting I was not happy with it. Seeing me without my knowledge and waiting for me nearby my flat for hours together and asking me to come down to see and not coming in front of me.

I know I have shown my hard face to you, but how can I show my smiling face if you keep on hurting in the name of love. Love is a blessed feeling and don’t complicate it.

I know your love and you don’t need to make it cheap by hurting yourself. What was your question, can a brother see his sister at late night, yes a brother can see a sister in her room at any time, but people around you doesn’t know that you treat me as your sister or mother. I don’t want some stupid crap people to talk either bad about you or bad about me.

I am more particular about this and that’s the reason I don’t allow any guys to come alone to meet me. Have you ever seen me roaming with anyone other than you? From office, we used to gather at one place and then we will be going in a group only. At least we will be going as 3. It is not that I don’t trust them, I give respect to myself and I love myself. I don’t want others to talk cheaply about us.

I know you follow your religion sincerely and you can’t think something bad about me. If you feel that I don’t trust you, then god will not forgive me forever. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Only thing is I am unable to show my love only to you because I have so many people around me. I can’t show it only to you.

If you don’t understand and if you want to do the same thing again and again, do it and you will also be in my memory not in my life. I mean it because my love should not destroy you and I want my love to make you grow matured not to die for me or because of my love.

Don’t compare yourself with anyone. You are unique and I can’t say to someone who I love you like Mahtab. Mahtab is different and that female is different. I love these two different characters in different way not in the similar way. The time what I spent for each of you is unique and the feelings what I have for both of you differs from each other. You can’t replace her place and she can’t even come nearer to your place. PLEASE UNDERSTAND IT

When I talk about your sister, she might not feel the same way as I feel but you feel about me the same thing what I feel about you.

You are a unique character and I Love you with SMILES and I have to love you with a smile because you love only my smiles. I love her with TEARS, and she prefers me to shed tears only. I know that you will not let even a single drop of tear in my eyes because of you, if at all if I shed tears, it will be in happiness only. Why I have to lose you in my life?

She is arrogant, adamant wild character and I have to love her in her way. With all her negative she will bring a smile in my face. Always you want to see that smile in my face. When I have some problems with her, how can I show my smile to you?

Don’t ever compare you with her because I can slap you on the road, but I can’t even say a word to her. That is different love and yours is different love. If she makes me to shed tears, you can make me to smile. If she makes me to smile, you will see me with smiles. You know me even before her; you have tasted my love even before her. You know me more than her. You have spent more time than her. What else you need ? 

If people around us comes to know your love for me or my love for you or my love for that female will say that we are mad and crazy. Some will say that we need to consult psychiatrist, but they doesn’t know the real meaning of love. They all live in this-worldly treasures and they run behind the money, fake smiles, fake prayers, fake hugs, fake love, fake and fake only fake in everything they do. They are not true to themselves and I give damn care to them as well. Because I am born to LOVE.

Only for love I can give up anything and for your sake, I am ready to give up my love for your happiness as well. You want to be away, be away and enjoy my smiles and tears from distance, if it gives you happiness.

How can you buy gifts for me, when you were not ready to take the gifts from me? I wanted to buy the Dart pins for you as you dedicated your runner-up cup to me last year and I wanted you to play this year tournament with the new pin gifted by me and you were not ready to take it as my gift. When are you going to dedicate the winning cup to me ????

Still I accepted your gifts because I know with Tons of Love you bought it for me. I give value for the time and money that you have spent buying it. I have not seen the value of it, but the time what you have spent to buy it. You were not ready to have a dinner also with Anantha which I asked him to take you for your Birthday.

Thanks for your wonderful gifts. I am really happy to get it from you. I never know that you have this much taste. My Birthday would have been a best day if I would have got all your gifts on the same day. Unfortunately the shirts bought by you were small and after reducing a lot also, I was not able to wear it.  I guess you are considering me as your younger sister that’s why you bought so small.

After coming to Abu Dhabi, first thing I checked was the shirt because both the colors I love it and the way it was looking was excellent but was very small. It was my mistake to give the size of the T-shirts and for each brand and model the sizes differ my dear brother. From next time onward you will not buy it alone, I will be with you to buy it. With your permission, I gave it to one of my friend and it really means a lot, because you said you can do anything with it. I don’t want your love to be wasted and it has to be used by some one with the love. I have seen that some one wearing it and I felt overjoyed. You gave me all the happiness of the world.

About the chain and pendant, I am really sorry. When I saw it in the photo’s I was so happy that you bought it for me. But I never knew that it was gold chain with diamond pendant. Anantha also didn’t see the bills what you kept inside the box. He took the photos of it as I requested and forced him to show it to me. I told him that out of love he has bought it and I want to see it.  Since the chain bought by you was little long and I want the pendant to be visible when I wear it. 

I will not say that I will wear it till I die, because if someone else buys it for me, I have no other option to wear that as I have to make them happy as well. I will wear it as long as possible and this will be with me.

Even when I met you on Jan 3rd I didn’t knew that it was a gold chain. Normally I don’t wear any metals other than gold and it is my habit in last 25 years. I don’t prefer to wear diamonds also. But this birthday I lost a stone and I know that I got a couple of diamonds in life. As the chain was little longer and I wanted it to be changed with a shorter version of a chain so as the pendant will be visible. I hope you are happy to see me wearing it. Thanks for your love and lovely gifts. This is not a mere thanks and it is heart-felt feeling yaar.

In a way you are right that I cry for the one who doesn’t know what she means to me and I made you to feel bad because of my tears… I am sorry, I know that you don’t like to see me with tears and you can make me to smile.

Normally we will see the closed doors and we will forget the doors that are open for us. I think I should not see any doors as my world is always open to all the lovely people. Who knows the value of love can come and stick with me forever and be happy that you are one among those who know the value of love.

I can tell you one thing that even if I say that you mean nothing to me, your love will not change and the same with me as well. Even if you say that you don’t know me, my love will not change.

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS LOVE.

With same love what you have seen two years back,

Always your DD

6 thoughts on “Mahtab- Rivalry Brother

  1. Hey DD,,
    Take my SALAM,, I dont want to say thanks by saying thanks also..Because You caught all my dream that truly what I want from you. I know im wrong in all the part. But you are not ready to sacrifice me to all others. Sometime your presence made me so pleasant but you want to keep me far from that pleasure by not accepting my irritation. I was wrong in everyway. When I think of you, ur face comes to my
    eyes,and immediately I like to see you,i dont care the time,place,situation. My mind will say just to see you where ever I want but I forgot that truly we are not born from same mother or we r not same blood,,If
    we r born from same mother ú ll never be able to mention me the time or place..

    I am really thankful to my god that god gave me a person like as you.You r so special in my life. I am so lucky that I have some one like as ú. I cant control my self by not seeing you.I really got mad of you and I think more about the time to be with you like walking together, playing together, living together, fighting together,eating together,loving together,not forgetting each other.

    Last time I didnot hope to meet with you alone in the Anantha flat,I was hopeful to meet with everyone there,yaa you are true for that point that somebody can think different and you dont want to give any
    chance to people to think bad of our holly relation.But i just want to say that im little closer with Anantha and Vishnu at least they know our relation as well,and I can come to ú in front of that two person
    anywhere..

    I am really sorry for letting you walk a long distance during the RAMADHAN..That time you made me mad by buying dress for me for eid festival. Every eid I dont buy dress for my self,because I wont see my
    family during eid and I used to miss them very badly… Sadly My father passed away before 6 years and
    from that time I started take care of my family. I know whats the love of father mother sister brother? I have seen all in you.

    My father is the one who used to buy dress for us and in the last 6 years no one was there to buy dress for me for the Eid festival. I am not able to smile as well because of my family. We r four brothers and 2 sisters, One brother and one sister elder than me and another three are younger.My elder brother is little lazy he does not have much thinking for the family. My elder sister got married 3 years ago,I was not able to be present in her marriage because of financial reason. Because I am the one who pay for everything.I am always in pressure doing for my family. Other 3 are still studying, and I am hopping a good life for them. I dont have chance to smile with them.But this year, during Eid when you gave the dress to me I got the pleasure and I was about to cry that time, I miss my father a lot.But felt that suddenly god dedicated an elder sister for me who can make me smile.That is why I want to be with you all the time.You took the place in my heart forever which is not possible to remove from my heart.

    I deleted your ID from facebook and Gtalk many times…. Why I deleted you from my list? Why I haven’t meet with you before you leave?Why I kept distance last 1 week? I really dont know that you ll be back to UAE once again because Anantha told me that you are leaving forever, Maybe she’ll not come back to UAE…
    But i was hopeful to see you all the time,i trust on god and god can do anything.
    I was just keep on praying to have ú nearby me.
    I deleted you because you r going to leave me for long time that you dont know either ú ll come back or not,I thought if I delete you than ú ll get angry with me,and ú ll not keep any relation with me by
    carrying pain.I deleted you because I have given pain to you, it’s hard to control my self without seeing you.
    I have to shed many tears after u leave. When I come online I see my sweet dd but she is far from me. I am unable to go nearby my dd and I feel so bad. Hey I cannot reply you more right now I am so sleepy.

    I love you dd. I am sorry for deleting your ID.I am not deleting you from my heart. Come and see you will be in my heart,you ll see there is a special place for you which always call DD DD come to me..

    DD DD walk with me…
    I am your rivalry brother

    please please fight with me..
    Dd dd dont leave me..
    Dd dd dont forget me..

    I am ur rivalry brother
    please please love love me..

    Dd dd are you angry?
    Dd dd im so hungry..
    Dd dd be back soon,have a dinner boom boom boom..

    • Hey Mahtab,

      Hey Mahtab,

      I am so blessed to have you in my life. Buying dress for Eid was not planned by me and it was a decision by God. I never thought that I will do this for you but I know how much important this festival is for you. Neither I know about your father nor do I know that you don’t buy dress for Eid. I never know that you have this much pain in your way. I have seen you so cool.

      As I was about to leave to India for my treatment, I thought if I buy the dress for you, you will feel that I am with you on the day of your festival which will give some happiness to you.

      I was not able to have IFTAR with you in 2011 as I don’t fast and I felt that I can’t have it with you because you are fasting the whole day and I will eat heavily during that time. Even though I was not much interested to know about Islam, I know that iftar is breaking your fasting. I know for sure that you are praying for my happiness everyday.

      You know that I can’t fast without water and it is very difficult for me to fast. Also you know how much water I used to drink while we are playing and how many times I have fainted while playing. How many times you would have rushed to buy juices or water for me?

      When I used to tell you that I will fast one day for your sake without water and then we will break the fast together. Always you used to say negatively. But god gave that chance this year, I never thought that I can fast without water and in 2012, I asked you to have iftar with me and made all the arrangements also for it. You didn’t turn up.

      I didnt take it seriously because I know you will expect me to break the fast everyday with you and it is not possible for me to do it as well.
      I know that I started this fasting for someone special and you may be feeling it differently because I was not able to do it for you previous year.
      If I am there in UAE, I Will fast in the forth coming years also…. I don’t know why you didnt come also. May be because of your possessiveness. But My Love for you is same yaar…

  2. Hey dd
    MOVIE BANA DIYA…
    How are you? I Hope that you are happy and healthy..
    What are you doing to my love yaar,,All people will smile na..
    Specially all of your friend they ll smile a lot if im in front of them..You make me popular in front of your friends circle hehehe. If some director will see your blog they will make a movie…..

  3. Hey dd..
    Thanks from my heart for the way you keep up our relationship,I hope it ll stand over the world till we die…
    Why you use to think that you dont deserve for my love? One thing I want to say that you are a bunch of love which is a gift for us Which god dedicated for all of us. You are right that you dont have that power to give it for only one person Because it is for all,which is a blessing given to you by god. I saw ur love
    for me thats why I gave the priority to you without ur permission You can do anything like avoid me purposely,play with my heart feeling,that whatever you want. Sometimes purposely i ask you to do something which i knew that you ll not accept…

    For sure im a selfish lover because they way i took my happiness from you by destroying your self.I rejoiced your love but i really dont know that im throwing a mounted to your head behind my happiness.I really
    dont know about your health issue as well though sometimes you told me about your neck pain And when i hear it from Amar I was took it a little serious But i hear it from Amar before your leave for your treatment,or i thought that time that they are lying with me about your leaving. I don’t have any word for asking excuse from you for your terrible moment which you felt for me.

    Only one word just forgive me…. I know my DD has a great heart to forgive me and bless me with her smiles….

    “””” DURING RAMADHAN,,
    I cant explain you about my hungriness. Seems I was i was hungry for those dress 6 years ago. I mean 6 years ago some one buy me dress for our Eid festival He is my beloved father who left us forever who ll
    never be back with me.I also have elder brother or elder sister but I am not so lucky to have it from them. I havent spend our Eid Festival even once with them from last 6 years And i have not given them any chance to buy something for me. I let them to stay comportable and i go out to handle everything for my family And i started my miserable life. I gave up my studies and leading a life for my family. Once my mother send some dress
    for me during my first year of abroad life, which was not fitting for me. I asked my mother to sending dress for me…

    When you took me for shopping,when I took dress from you I was so happy, infront of you i was smile but behind the smile there is many tears which I havent shown to you.But that tears for my over happiness only…

    I didnt let you to go by taxi though many times you used to tell me that you want to go by taxi. I used to see that you are sweating,many water falling down from you. All waht I wanted is to walk with me because i was a
    selfish lover.I took my happiness by gave you pain.Always i didn’t understand your pain but I didnt do it purposely DD, its all unknowingly.

    ………
    YOUR WORD THAT YOU NEVER GOT SAME LOVE FROM ANYONE?

    I cant be proud for this word from you but I really don’t know whether I dedicated even a drop of love for you from my heart…

    BY TOUCHING YOUR FEET DURING RAMADAN.
    Maybe i was few lucky for that place Because atleast I got a chance for touching ur feet after Amar
    and his wife.I dont know if that time will be back once again during my marraige DD….

    YOU USED TO FELT THAT YOU BORN TO GIVE LOVE
    Its for sure that you are born to give love. We are all,we cant move even a step without order of god
    And god send you with a bunch of love as a gift for all of us, and how can you keep it with you or for your ownself??
    If you use to think to keep it for your own self it will be sin/guilt for you.You cant rejoiced with that
    love….

    MY MOBILE SWICH OFF?
    Yaa many time i used to think to swich off of my mobile.I want to say few word ,why many time i keep swich off of my mobile.Do you remember that once you swich off of your mobile?Its the same resons that why i swich off of my mobile.Thats the time i saw your tears for me I was away from half way….Im sorry my dear
    respectable sister for that moment.I saw infront of my eyes that someone crying for me. You can’t imagine that I cried like anything because I made you to shed tears.

    I REMOVED YOUR ID?

    I thought if i remove your id from my friend list you ll get angry to me and we ll have a distance each other Thats what i asked you so many time.Because your absence throw me out of this world and I cant bear your absence.

    YOU CANT SPEND TIME ALONE WITH ME
    Hey dd i havent hope for it even once in my life.I know that your friends circle is very big.I had hope only if you can spend your valuable time for you friend an hour why cant you spend a minute for me? If a month for
    them why you cant a day for me? Atleast I hope to be with you even a short time like as you have spend in the ground with all of us…

    MANY TIME I TOLD YOU TO KILL ME WITH UR HANDS OR HAND OVER ME TO POLICE..
    I know that you cant but you dont know why you cant??I know you cant kill me but atleast you had chance to hand over me to police But you are unable because you also dieing with my love or else WHY??
    YOU REALLY DONT KNOW that what will be the pain if i become mad of some one. Especially that some one is you.Because you already made me mad and until now you didnot bring me to mental hospital for my
    treatment.PAGAL THO SACH BANA DIYA DD,,AABHI MERA TREATMENT ARRANGE KAROGI HAI KYA DD??

    When your love reduces a little we are all not able to take that pain because we all mad of your love and love is blind. I know you never avoid me due to ur work pressure,health issue,mental worries or if your attention is somewhere.How i know that sometime your attention is somewhere?I know because many time i went to see you
    with out your knowledge and some of the time purposely i ask you to meet with me though i know your attention is somewhere and you ll be unable to meet with me.And i saw your exact time that what you told me
    in the chating the time you can be in ur flat because i check it by waiting near by ur flat.Some time i went to see you with out your knowledge because that all the time i was sure that you ll not give time for me.Im sorry for the time i havent come infront of you Because i was in shy that how ll i talk to you down of your flat infront of many people. If you think that all I gave you all pain means That im hurting you in the name of love Than i can say that im a selfish lover..I know love is blessed feeling but i havent trie to complicated it but maybe unknowingly…. I have done it.

    I RESPECT YOUR THINKING_that about my attention to ur flat that what you dont want some stupid crap people to talk either bad about you or me.But dd its true that i dont know that temporarily you are there in your friends flat, On your word you told me that you live in lulú building.(Why You wanted to hide it from me, I want to say its ur personal)And i know i was forbidden in your flat but im not sad for that part because
    i knew the reason. Thats why i was hopeful to see you in Anantha flat.I thought there is no X bracket to see you infront of Anantha and Vishnu.Because they know me.

    How can you ask me this queation DD, I have so much respect for you and how you asked that have you seen me roaming with anyone?

    HEY I HAVENT THINK THAT YOUR ROAMING with someone. Without your knowledge, I swear on god that i didnot come to follow you dd, I just went to see your smile. Ever i didnt try to compare my self with anyone.I love
    and respect your word that you want me to grow matured not to die. I am sorry that many time i didnt try to understand you Not only sometime..

    WHY YOU HAVE TO LOSE ME IN YOUR LIFE Do you believe in god??But i trust on god.Truly i dont want to be away from your love,or i dont want to enjoy ur smile and tears from distance.I want to watch ur
    smile or tears even from distance without hurting you dd. Maybe I cant smile with you But i can shed my tears when you ll have tears in your eyes..

    Im proud,and glad to hear that when you compare between me and she Because she is mad either why she hurt you?Why she leave a sweet person who is a gift for us from god.Time ll prove you if i can make true that all your thinking for me.I want to make you smile with my love that how much you are hurte by her..Without asking i gave you priority to think about you and whatever you want And i hope i can fill it up for you..

    HOW CAN I BUY GIFT FOR YOU When i am not ready to take your gift dart pin from you? Do you remember during the Ramadan when you bought the dress for me, I was ready to accept it and told that before wearing the new dress, you have to come with me to shop and you will take my gift from me once when you are back from India. But you havent taken that gift that dress from me.

    How many time i asked you to take that from me But you havent allow me to come to you. When you cant take that
    dress from me during Eid or after Eid, atleast we had a chance to change it. And how can i ake your gifts for me when you are not willing to take it from me? I stil remember that i was asked you to come with me before you leave But you told me that you are busy and you cant give me time even 5 minutes..

    AT THIS STAGE HOW CAN I HOPE FOR YOUR NEXT GIFT DART PIN??And how ll i know about ur dinner with anantha? Though you havent invite me while chating for dinner..I thought that Anantha only asked me to have a dinner with him.And i told him that i ll take dinner some other time.When i went to give ur gift to Anantha i took that dinner.But do you remember that how many time i was asked you to have a dinner
    with me??
    ABOUT CHAIN THAT YOU NEVER KNEW THATS GOLD? One think that If someone give me a stone as a gift I ll take it with my smile that what i learn from you in the ground from ur word..

    With same love forever
    Always your Rivalry brother

    Your Idiot
    Mahtab

    • Hey,

      I dont have any words to say thanks and I am really blessed to have such a wonderful people around me like you, anantha, amar, yvon, vishnu, preethi, sankari, mahesh, yazhini family….

      All of you are feeling so great about my love and care for you all. somehow I feel that I have not shown even 30% of my love or care to you all…. compared to someone else….

      To make me come out of all my pains and worries about one person you all are supporting me a lot and thanks for being with me all through my tough times…..

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