Black Day

Black day of my life….

Normally Birthdays are the best day of my life and I wish not to miss to celebrate it, but this birthday has become a burden for me from 2nd of November and I really don’t know how to celebrate it. Of course the black day is only within my heart and I don’t want to share it with any of my friends or relatives. Up to them I am normal and I am little confused because of my health and financial crunches. But in reality these two things will never ever bother me and they also know this to an extent but they are unable to find out the real reason of it.

I wanted this birthday to have a new start, fresh beginning and a kind of rebirth and wish to have a rebirth without entering the door of death. I think in the past 60 days almost every second I have entered the room of death and I am tired of this game and I wanted to get rid out of it.

Other than me, no one can make it alright and one of my friend said, “My Love never ends, if her love never ends for me, then how can I end my love for someone. But I have to and I wish that I have to give an end so as I can make others happy. They are unable to see me in pain.

Wish I could get my golden days back and I know I cant get it, so it is better to leave than to hold any love or memories to hurt myself.

When I started typing this, I thought am going to do the worst thing in my life… I booked the tickets to go and return the gift which I got it as a symbol of love to the one whom I still love saying that it has become symbol of pain.

I know god also will not forgive me. I am not going to ask for apologies.

But God gave me a different mind-set, saying that don’t lose your quality. You are born to love and not hurt, if you are hurt by someone, it does not mean that  you have to hurt the person and more over all my pains are through God only. He is the one who gave me all kind of feelings. I gave up everything and surrendered totally to him. I said, I left it to you because of some stupid reasons you wanted me to have this pain so as I can come and hold your legs. You take care of me and guide me what I have to do. I am tired of crying and shedding tears as well. I know am strong, but you are testing me whether I come to you for shelter or not. No other go being a believer of god, I have to surrender myself to you only.

Good bye 02-Dec-2012 and welcome 03-Dec-2012 in a different way. Let me start the year saying that I love myself for Loving others…. Am Born to Love……