15-August

Hey My Dear,

I can proudly say that I know you better than anyone. I know how you will react and what you will say for each of my word. Let me start saying from the time I left from Abu Dhabi, I purposely didn’t come and say bye to you before leaving. I know from morning I was saying so many times and you commented twice go, how many times u will say bye…  When the real time came, my heart wished to see you and say bye to you, but somehow I controlled and felt like I will break down very badly as this gap is going to be for long time. I started feeling that am going to miss you. I don’t know whether I will be able to see you again or not.

On the way also, I don’t want to say that I left office, but was unable to control myself and said that I left and started my journey. I know for sure that you didn’t expect me to come again to say bye to you before leaving, but when you asked me “You left”, I really felt bad that I should have said bye to you before leaving.

I know for sure, you will call me and I didn’t expect that you will call immediately. I never expected that I will break down to that level. I know for sure I am going on my own way and with specific intentions and to meet my bloods. I have to feel so happy, but my heart was disheartened and felt so troubled.

I was terribly upset both with personal affairs and professional affairs. I know my health is not alright, I was mentally upset because of my physical pain. The moment I got your call, I was broken-down and I was in a feeling that something is going to happen. I don’t know whether I felt like I will not return back…. I started feeling that I am going to miss you forever.

One word of you, Ënthada will make me to feel so bright and will feel like am in heaven but my two words to you will be nothing pode… wow what a bliss feelings….

My heart got shattered and river started flowing…. I don’t know what made me to shed tears and up to me tears are only because of pain .  Almost all the way through, my eyes were filled with tears.

I used to feel anything which makes me to shed tears, I have to throw it out. I will not keep anything which gives pain to me. That’s the funda of my happiness. Somewhat throwing you out is not so easy… Thinking to throw you out itself is not possible, how can I do it to live the rest of my life?

My pain in love started that moment and it was there till the time I reached Chennai airport…. But you made the day so great again, with your missed call, I reached Chennai even before the sunrise and your missed call at those early hours (mid night) made my day…

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” A person who knows me very well will know that I am a joyful person irrespective of my physical or mental status.  As far as I know about myself I give damn to others and I will not take any kind of pain given by others.

Normally we will think about someone we love when we are happy and we will think about someone who loves us when we are sad. I don’t know how come I think about you all the time and I miss to think those who love me so deeply ♥.

When I feel that my love is pain, then it is boastful. My love for you can’t be a thing which is like self-satisfying and how can I feel that loving someone is self-important, when another party is involved in it. Loving you can be a superior feeling or proudly thing for me. If so, it is not love….

What can I do to overcome this?

  1. What is that bothering me, am I dissatisfied with it, if yes, then I have to correct it instead of taking the pain to my heart.
  2. What do I need to do, accept the pain and take it as gift of love or throw it out and keep myself cool.
  3. Anything has got positive and negative, and love has also got two sides of a coin, pleasure and pain, when you spin the coin, either you get pleasure or pain. It is part of love. If you can accept, then love, if not leave forever.

I can’t hate my enemy, so I can’t hate you forever and I never will hate. I just want to act that I hate you, because it is easier than to accept that I miss you.  Am I missing you??? No I am …. Noooooottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Oh yes I miss you da….

I am writing so much but I missed to write about the special days (August 10th and 11th)….

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