Archive | August 2012

Pains…

 

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15-August

Hey My Dear,

I can proudly say that I know you better than anyone. I know how you will react and what you will say for each of my word. Let me start saying from the time I left from Abu Dhabi, I purposely didn’t come and say bye to you before leaving. I know from morning I was saying so many times and you commented twice go, how many times u will say bye…  When the real time came, my heart wished to see you and say bye to you, but somehow I controlled and felt like I will break down very badly as this gap is going to be for long time. I started feeling that am going to miss you. I don’t know whether I will be able to see you again or not.

On the way also, I don’t want to say that I left office, but was unable to control myself and said that I left and started my journey. I know for sure that you didn’t expect me to come again to say bye to you before leaving, but when you asked me “You left”, I really felt bad that I should have said bye to you before leaving.

I know for sure, you will call me and I didn’t expect that you will call immediately. I never expected that I will break down to that level. I know for sure I am going on my own way and with specific intentions and to meet my bloods. I have to feel so happy, but my heart was disheartened and felt so troubled.

I was terribly upset both with personal affairs and professional affairs. I know my health is not alright, I was mentally upset because of my physical pain. The moment I got your call, I was broken-down and I was in a feeling that something is going to happen. I don’t know whether I felt like I will not return back…. I started feeling that I am going to miss you forever.

One word of you, Ënthada will make me to feel so bright and will feel like am in heaven but my two words to you will be nothing pode… wow what a bliss feelings….

My heart got shattered and river started flowing…. I don’t know what made me to shed tears and up to me tears are only because of pain .  Almost all the way through, my eyes were filled with tears.

I used to feel anything which makes me to shed tears, I have to throw it out. I will not keep anything which gives pain to me. That’s the funda of my happiness. Somewhat throwing you out is not so easy… Thinking to throw you out itself is not possible, how can I do it to live the rest of my life?

My pain in love started that moment and it was there till the time I reached Chennai airport…. But you made the day so great again, with your missed call, I reached Chennai even before the sunrise and your missed call at those early hours (mid night) made my day…

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” A person who knows me very well will know that I am a joyful person irrespective of my physical or mental status.  As far as I know about myself I give damn to others and I will not take any kind of pain given by others.

Normally we will think about someone we love when we are happy and we will think about someone who loves us when we are sad. I don’t know how come I think about you all the time and I miss to think those who love me so deeply ♥.

When I feel that my love is pain, then it is boastful. My love for you can’t be a thing which is like self-satisfying and how can I feel that loving someone is self-important, when another party is involved in it. Loving you can be a superior feeling or proudly thing for me. If so, it is not love….

What can I do to overcome this?

  1. What is that bothering me, am I dissatisfied with it, if yes, then I have to correct it instead of taking the pain to my heart.
  2. What do I need to do, accept the pain and take it as gift of love or throw it out and keep myself cool.
  3. Anything has got positive and negative, and love has also got two sides of a coin, pleasure and pain, when you spin the coin, either you get pleasure or pain. It is part of love. If you can accept, then love, if not leave forever.

I can’t hate my enemy, so I can’t hate you forever and I never will hate. I just want to act that I hate you, because it is easier than to accept that I miss you.  Am I missing you??? No I am …. Noooooottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Oh yes I miss you da….

I am writing so much but I missed to write about the special days (August 10th and 11th)….

Best Friend….

My dear Best Friend… SH (Normally SH means Sweet Heart, and this is the sweetest when it is by my close friend to me, from now onwards if someone says SH then it will be your name)

I am saying this with a bright smile and I feel that today(19th August’2012) you made me to feel that you have the feeling that I am your best friend. Your SMS for my eid wishes really touched my heart, to be honest, I called you only once or twice but your message said that it has given so much importance to you. I didn’t expect that you will feel so happy about it. It’s my normal routine to wish my friends and I do care for those who are close to my heart.

I don’t want to promise or to say that I never made any challenges to make you as my best friend. It is the truth and you have to believe that I have not done any promises or challenges with anyone to make you feel me as your best friend. Somewhat I felt that something is there in you to make you as my best friend.

So far I have not got any urge or feeling to make someone as my friend and all my friendship are not through chasing. I have made Only one friend in my life time by chasing and I lost her contacts totally but I have her in my memory.

I don’t chase anyone to make them as my friend. If at all, they will become my friend. I know for sure that I have the charm to make anyone as my friend. To make someone as my best friend, I need to know more about them and also I should feel that they are worth of it. Certainly you are worth of it and you will be there with me as my best friend till the end of my life.

People in the entire world can become my friends but only few are the best friends whom I will say that they will be there in my life till my last breath. I will not forget anyone but I might not give importance to get in touch with many unless and otherwise they try to do it.

One of my friend who was very close to me as like my close friend during 1995’s and due to some reason we lost the touch from 1999 or 2000. I used to send mails, wishes on her important occasions and I have not heard anything from her in return. I was doing this for more than 15 years and after so many years, I got in touch with her recently and my love for her is same as like before.

As said earlier, I don’t have much difference in my friendship either with you or with my close friend. I have the same degree of love, because it is more with close friend because she used to share it as I do. Love doubles when it is shared perfectly dear. She knows the secret and she started pouring it and shown it as well to me. I know you too love me but you want it to be secretive and let it be as you please. Love is there for me that is what I have to feel happy about it and you have given that happiness to me.

When you Love someone, express it

In recent days, you have proved that you long for me and that is more than enough for me to feel you as my best friend. Whether it is with my name or with umma, I feel the same love for you. Whether you listen to me or hear me or not, I will say that I love you and it will be there forever.

I love people for many reasons, but I love you for being yourself and not changing yourself for anyone or for any sort of love. If you can show it, it is not going to hurt you my dear friend, it will help you to have more love in life. At least I can assure you that you will not get hurt because of me.

When you have love, then you can make yourself to stick on to your own ethics and you have changed yourself without your knowledge and that is what made me to write about you now.

There is no tomorrow in everyone’s life, so it is better to share the love what we have for others and let the other feel that they have got a wonderful person behind them.

I will be missing you, if I leave UAE, Now I feel that you will be missing me more than anyone else. I can assure that you will not miss me forever…. If at all my death can make you to feel that you miss me….

I love you the way you love me… Thanks and keep the spirit up…

I gained your friendship by not giving up and I know the value of it… and sooner you will also know the value of it.

Love yourself more so as you can love others…

Miss u

“Missing someone isn’t about how long its been since you’ve seen them last
or the amount of time since you last talked.

It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something
and wish that they were right there with you.”

I miss you in-spite of being with a beautiful surrounding

I miss you ! ! I miss you ! ! I miss you ! !

Friends – Chat

Normally I say my friends as my team and we know that our bond is more than a family. This is something which will show how important the other person and how they care for each others feelings . This is really awesome and I don’t have words to say thank for their love and affection.

It’s really a lovely chat between me and my friends about you during this time and I have to thank them very much for not allowing me to feel that I am missing you.

This is just a sample to make me happy all the time..

18th August’2012

When I was in India

Friend1 was also in India

Friend1: Have you got any message or call from her

Me: No Nanba, she will be busy 😛

Friend1: She didn’t send any message also?

Me: No I am not expecting it. I only told her not to send any message.

Friend 2 pinged me from AUH

Friend2: She will not think about you and you are trying to pacify and you will not let her down…

After coming to AUH, everyday the chat was like above only…

24th August 2012

Friend1: Have you got any message or call from her

Me: No Nanba, she will be busy 😛

Friend1: nanba got any message or call?

Me: No, am really feeling like hell

Friend1: I know pa, that’s why asked you…. Why don’t you call her or you can message her na?

Me: You know about my promise na, I will not call her, she will message me when she is free…

Friend1: this is too much na, why she is doing like this? She knows you will not call her

Me: she sent a message yesterday na….

After two hours….

Friend1: Nanba, are you ok or feeling upset? You better come here, so as you can spend time with us.

Me: Not really, she just pinged me in Gtalk…J

Friend1: Oh thanks to her… tell my thanks…

Me: smiled ( 🙂 )

Friend1: Is everything fine at your end,, I feel something wrong…

Me: smiled ( 🙂 )

After sometime,

Friend1: Before u tell something I sensed she told something and made u upset

Me: no, she didn’t say anything, I am ok only.

I copied the conversation between us…..to Friend1

Friend1: Nanba, she looks like a real kid, am getting anger….

After reading I realize how careless and wavering mind she has….

She is not focused, talking unwanted things.. better she should not have pinged you..

One word pesinaalam nalla irukanum… any way don’t feel for anything.

Me: J

Freind1: I know it will be very painful for you, I can feel that…

Me: Not really and I don’t know how to react also

Friend1: Only one thing u need to know. How to accept the pain? Accept fully. U can come out from this… Set ur mind that she will be like this only

Me: Already I know it and that’s why I can be cool otherwise ….. I can’t say it out. You know better than me, what I would have done… few things are felt not to be discussed. Anyway as you said, she is like a kid and always kids has a blessing to be forgiven… She has not done any mistake…

After 3 hours,

Me: Hey Nanba, she called and was asking about you and the Friend2. I asked normally you will ask friend2 only what a sudden change, you are asking about friend1, she said, if I ask friend2, you will say something, that’s why asking about all your friend1,2,3,4…

Friend1: Are you happy? How is she?

Me: Why not? I am so happy…..  She will be very good……

Friend1: Oh Spl thanks to her… tell my thanks for calling you…

I am sure, we love each other and we care or each other. We take others happiest moments as ours and increase the happiness by 100 folds and we share others pains and cut it for them by 100 folds.  Thanks for you care and affection,

Thanks for being with me all through this tough time. I owe a lot to you all… Wish our family to be like this happy forever without any sort of ill feelings….

With Love….

Dreaming about you

About – the one who made me to dream even when I am in conscious….

I really had to inscribe because I can´t stop thinking about you, even if I wish hardest not to think about you.  I know there is not much we can do against an ocean of distance between us, you still don´t seem to leave my thoughts.

I never thought that I will engrave how I feel about missing someone in my life. Unknowingly you have shown me so many colors and beauty of life and your love. And now that I am about to tell you how pure, genuine and prodigious it is. I am short of words, portraits and even very little literacy either to write about the love of you or the love for you. I feel that I have become a learner in Love. You have given me the feeling that I have to start from beginning. A new peculiar feeling which I have not shared with anyone, even if share it will not be the first love.

You have occupied totally in my constant memory. You are the consolidate passion in my heart, vein and soul.

You seemed to be turned as the love of my life, I wouldn’t know how to live away from someone as special as you anymore, someone that drives me forward and shown me the beauty of life.

I could never find peace in my heart without you or couldn’t be there for me. Before that certainty, I have no option but to reiterate, with all belief, what I just said before, you symbolize in each cells of my body, brain, bone, blood and emotion, the great love that will accompany me till the end of my days.

Wow! ! ! It is so great to have you in my heart and to be able to feel you close to me all day and night.  I never got a chance to miss you because I know you are always with me, even when there is long distance between us. I never get to miss you because I have you in my thoughts all the time. You are constantly in my heart, feeding my soul with love and affection, and leaving me with this feeling of fulfillment and happiness.

I don’t know how to thank god enough for having found you. I only regret the lost time, I regret not having met you before… But here’s a little secret, which also is a life slogan “Happiness, even if it is late!”

Still, I will not complain about luck; on the contrary, I just thank god and the fact that I am with you now, enjoying your presence, your intimacy, the sweetness and delicacy of your gestures, and all the pleasure it gives me when it touches mine.

You are everything I ever wanted in my life. You are everything I love and wanted to love. You have given me this feeling of fulfillment like noone else in the world can.

When I think about you, I feel like I have everything one could wish for. In this case, all I could ask for is a little bit more of you, or make that, you forever!

Now and forever, all I wish is not to feel much about you, and my pleading prayers to the god that even at the unmerciful signs of time to take away my life, should bring the bright light of your face with the bright smile should be seen in my eyes. You, my beloved, will always have the loveliest face and I will always see in the golden lining smile in my dreams.

I know for sure that you are not the first love of my life, still this is like the first love. I have more people around me to pour and shower me in their love and even you know about that.

I have shared some golden moments and made them to feel happy with my presence both physically and mentally with them. Mostly either they will be like my colleagues, neighbor or school mate…. I can assure that they would have spent much time with me to give the impact of missing them so badly.

How can I feel this much love for someone with whom I have not spent much time in my life?

Let life keep on blessing us with each other’s love.

Let our days be filled with love, affection and tenderness.

Let me continue to dedicate you with what’s most sincere, beautiful and best of me.

Let my faith and trust in God help me to recover from all the worries and prayers to God to attend my request that I have to show the same love, affection & care for you till my last breath.

First feelings are always the most natural and I know for sure that I will never forget you for the feeling what I have got.

With all my affection and devoted love for you…..