Archive | June 16, 2012

Friendship across ocean

Imtiaz Ahmed (16th June’2012)

This is about my friend who is across the ocean and whom I know only through the internet and because of the  I have written about this friend in Tamil and translated it to him in English as he is from Hyderabad. One of my best friend whom I have not seen in the last 4 years. I guess I know him for nearly about 4 years.

After coming to UAE, I have a secular people in my family because of my circle in UAE. But even before coming to UAE, he was the first one to enter into my family as my friend, philosopher, guide. A better known friend of mine as SCM consultant, even he doesn’t know that I consider him as one in my  family. Well in this way, my family is very big my dear friend.

He can think or treat me as his mentor, but I used to follow him so closely for his right attitude, beautiful heart and best conduct and the way of presenting himself to the other person, this is what I am. I have to learn it from you my dear friend.

We used to share a lot of things about oracle applications as well as personal things. I can say that I will discuss many personal things or anything with few friends without any gender bias and I can proudly say that Imtiaz is one among them. Neither I will feel that he is a guy, am not supposed to discuss this with him nor he restrained himself in doing it.

Normally he will ping me every day and I used to feel that we need to say that hi and bye at least once in a day. It is like a routine to him that and this will make me to feel so happy that he remembers me. It was there for so many months and suddenly he didn’t ping me for 3 days. I was very busy with my routine and  even I didn’t try to ping him. But somehow I felt that there is something wrong.

As I was busy and my routine was tight, I was not able to login to google. I reached my room @ 10.45 and suddenly I thought of my friend and then I thought to log in to google to chat with him. But somehow I thought let me try to call him directly.

I tried to call my friend who was in Saudi and I was in New Delhi. I called him @ 10.45 PM and when he answered the call, I didn’t ask him anything, is everything alright at your end was the question from my end. He asked me to disconnect the call and asked me to login to google.

I logged in to google, the moment I logged in, I got his message how are you? I told him, I am fine. Next question from him was if you don’t mind, shall I ask you a question? Why you didn’t ping me?

I felt little bad, because my friend can’t think like this. Most of the cases to all other friends, I used to ping them and wish them hi and hello. There are only very few who will feel that they have to check how am I and one of them is this good gentleman. How come he got such a thought in his mind? I was not feeling all these at that point of time.

I told him immediately that I was busy with my routine, I didn’t ask you, why you didn’t ping me, I just asked you is everything alright at your end? That means I really care about you and I wish to know about your where about and status of well-being.

I was so disciplined(not now), that I will not call anyone or pick any calls after 10.00 PM, when I was in India, as I allocate my time only after 10 to my family. I will not call anyone at 10.45 PM, If I have called you, then you have to feel that it is because that I felt something wrong at your end.

Then he said, I will tell you the truth, I was in a feeling that I always ping you and you don’t feel to ping me. I know you are also busy like me, and I thought I am disturbing you with my pings. Then we both together said, don’t keep this in mind, whatever came to your mind, you have asked me and I hope you are clear now.

I think he was the first one to receive my pictures from friends circle. Same way I have asked him to send his pictures as well. Still I miss his family picture. My dear friend, can you please send your family foto?

Even though I don’t hide any of the things to most of my friends, I can say that this friend of mine knows more than anyone and he knows almost 99.99% of me. This  .01% I am giving it as benefit of doubt from my end. I have that much confidence in him to share each and everything to him.

I can surely say that we feel great respect, divine love and maximum care for each other and I have the same for his family as well. Neither I got a chance to meet him or his family, but I can say that his wife will be knowing more about me and in the same way, most of my friends circle knows about this friend of mine.

I can’t say that all my friends knows him, but those who are close to heart and a kind of best friend will know him by his name and profession. The best quality of Imtiaz is his knowledge sharing and the eager to share his wonderful moments to me is awesome. I am honored to hear your achievements my friend. It is not only achievements but also your hurdles in personal growth, the way you overcome in that, personal pain etc., but the best is to know about your achievements, and the way he used to say that am your student na.. I love it, even though I don’t say anything or I have never taught him anything. He himself started saying me as his mentor (like ekalaivan).

He is also one of those loving hearts who wish me every now and then and who loves to hear that I get settle in my life. Whenever he starts, he will say I am sorry to bother you and he will make me to smile instead of feeling irritated. It is not my intention not to listen/hear your lovable words for me, but something makes me not to get into the well.  I don’t have any reservations with you and you can talk to me anything anytime, irrespective of my feelings towards it.

I am blessed to have you in my life as my friend and wish that you have to be there forever. I know your prayers are there for me. If at all I wish to do something for this friend, I have to make him to say something which I wish him regularly. If it is god’s wish, then I hope you will say those words to me. If not please accept that it is not god’s wish.

Sorry my dear friend, I forgot to wish you on your birthday and I feel that it is time for me to say  “ Belated Birthday wishes” “Many More Happy Returns of the Day” and let me get the wish from you that we will meet this year in India by the grace of god.

If you want to be really happy with your life, you just simply be yourself and everything is going to be perfect is what I have seen/learned from you. My Prayers to god is to make you happy forever like this.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. You have given so much kind words to me, and their echoes makes me to feel you as my friend forever.

Give your hands to serve and your hearts to love. – When I think about you, I will feel that I have got a friend like me for me. I will feel that my friends can depend on me anytime and same way I used to feel that I can depend on you anytime and for anything.


Is Love painful?

Does love cause pain or is it really a feeling caused because of fear? or is it because of the negative emotions caused because of Love? Ideally Love is not painful and it is a pleasant feeling and the fear of love or the negative feelings because of love.

Love is an inconceivable feeling. Love is a beautiful and unbelievable feeling. It makes us to fly in heaven. It never creates pain.
The pain and hurt what we feel doesn’t come from love and it comes from within us on many factors like doubts, fears, anxiety, rejections, possessive nature, distrust, broken trust, envy, jealousy etc. We chunk ourselves with all these feelings and keep saying that love causes pain.  This pain can cause the burden to the heart and I am sure it is not because of the love. Where there is love, there is trust and where there is trust there is no pain. We take all the uncomfortable feelings to our heart and we create chaos.

If we really consider that our relationship is primary and it is important to us, If we value our relationship or the love what we have for the other, then we will not create any turmoil to our relationship. Neither we were taught or educate ourselves that love cannot give pain. All the unwanted feelings are not part of the love. When we are fearful or anger or anxious or jealous, are we experiencing a state of love? We surely feel there is difference in the love .

Love feels warm, Love feels joy, love is felt deep in the heart. Love gives a deep sense of satisfaction Love has to be approached as per the Maslow’s theory (Hierarchy of Needs)

There is a lot of difference between need and want. Love also plays a vital role when it is a wanted relationship and a needed relationship. When you see the love as a wanted relationship you will not have any kind of other ill feelings, even if something crops up, we will say I love it. I will take it easily. When you see the love as a needed relationship, then we allow the pain to enter and play with our heart.

When we enter into a relationship we don’t get into it knowing the good and bad of it. We admire something and fall in love. In reality when we see the changes and we feel that we are very good about ourselves. When we enter in to the love, we become dependent and we expect our love to feel that we need our associate to make us feel good about ourselves. Whether the love is there or not, we were feeling too good about us.  If we would have felt lonely or empty before their entry into our life, we feel that the vacuum is being filled by them and it becomes supreme for us. We fear that space will become empty if they leave, so their staying becomes vital. We become dependent of them and the dependency creates the fear and unhappiness and obviously threat is there in any relationship of leaving the bond.

Either the heart or our mind is not ready to accept that these are not our permanent saviours and they are not here to help us but only to give pain because of the love what you show to them.

We become friends so easily and we fail to keep up it or we give damn to that because we know that they are ours. How a friendship is born?

We meet as strangers. We will talk to the stranger. We get introduced. We admire something in them, we feel some closeness, some comfort feeling, some love, some care etc.,. The stranger will become closer to us, and will become as our friend.  Very few will become special and will become more than everything and some will give the impact of nothing as well.

Stranger will keep on telling that I can’t live without you. I need you to guide me, I need you for this and that and all blah blah.. Initially stranger will say I miss you on on on on & on. . . . .

Everything will be going fine in the friendship. Suddenly they will change with a reason or without a reason. May be they get a new person in their life. In beginning they will tell you about the new person, they will slowly stop talking about that person, they will hide things & stop sharing anything.

If you call they will say I will call you later… I am LITTLE BUSY will talk later. Then they will never call you, you will think that person is busy but ACTUALLY YOU HAVE LOST him/her.. It will take more time for us to realize that the close friend has become a stranger to us. By the time,  we realize that the close friend has become as a stranger, we would have lost ourselves in that friendship.

Don’t bring people close to your heart, because the problem with the close 1 is that, they know where to hit exactly!!

It is better that we should know about ourselves before we enter into any kind of relationship. We are allowing the other person to break our heart. When we start loving others, that moment we become fragile. The moment you enter into any relationship you become weak and vulnerable. You are helpless and you are forced to get the pain because you allowed them to make you weak.

 “Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing Yourself is Enlightenment.”

Who knows more about me? Does a friend knows more about me, my parents, my spouse, my kids ? who knows more about me other than myself. No one is closer than me and I love myself more than any one.

It is very much required to get the clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it). Sometimes we dwell in utopia and want these dreams as a reality.  A dream is just a dream, you can’t make it reality and we should know the difference between the dream and the reality. Loving someone in dreams is not the reality and loving someone in life will never become a dream. If dreams continues then it creates internal dramas and unknown beliefs, and allows unknown thought processes to decide our feelings and actions.

If you think about it, not understanding why you do what you do, and feel what you feel is like going through your life with a stranger’s mind. How do you make wise decisions and choices if you don’t understand why you want and  what you want? It’s a difficult and chaotic way to live never knowing what this stranger is going to do next.

Believe in your friend and accept if the friend becomes as a stranger, and don’t try to dwell with the stranger as the time has changed the stranger’s priority from a friend to a stranger and these friends will never stick on to anyone’s life because they are tresspasser’s.

They were never said to be in our life and it is our mistake that we entertained them to enter into our life.

They know only to hit us in the right place to become more vulnerable and it is not their intention to keep us safely in their heart. They become close with you for their timely needs and at their convenience they will leave you or ditch you.

If ever I say goodbye to anyone, that doesn’t mean that I hate them or I love them no more or I don’t need anymore in my life. It means I want them to be much happier.

If ever I would cry, it’s not only because I lost them, but also because I lost my life’s precious moments without spending with them. I can’t feel that I have lost most precious moments just because of spending my time with them, because they have given me a special feeling of that relationship.

It is very hard to get people with the same attitude and we have to accept what we have got as pain ONLY.

Don’t allow any intruders to ruin your heart. Self-love is the best way to being loving and happy with who you are. Sometimes it is self-esteem and sometimes it will not allow your self-esteem to get hurt as well. Accepting ourselves will make us to feel great and when we get hurt, we can accept with what we have done.

“In Love pain is inevitable which needs to be considered as love only not as pain “

Love itself becomes pain if the other person doesn’t realize the love of the others. But when it is between two understanding hearts, then it is a pleasant pain, when it is love it is pleasant, when we have fear it is pain and we can’t avoid this pleasant pain in any kind of relationship”. What is more matters the value of the relationship, whether it is pleasant or pain? If the pain is more, we will come out of the relationship and if the pain is less, we will try to cope up with the pain as well.

In life when you have to make a choice between the one you love and the one who loves you. Choose the one who loves you. Because you can learn to love someone…. But cannot teach someone to love you!!”

“The experience of love is the same, what changes are our preferences.” 

“Love till it hurts, and when it hurts, love some more and when it hurt some more, love till it hurts no more”