Archive | June 9, 2012

Feelings continues ! ! !

Love isn’t something you can see, but it’s something you can feel

Some what I don’t believe in the first sight love and I feel that love has to grow slowly in the hearts of the two unknown people. Love of a mother towards a kid also grows from the time the baby started growing in her womb. It is not that the love starts only after seeing the baby. Mother starts loving the kid even before the birth of it.

There must be something special feeling/liking towards the other person to feel so happy or to show the love for them. We can’t blindly love a person without finding a special thing in them. I admired some for their beauty, smile, naughty, wild & style, for some I admired their presence of mind, dedication towards their work, I admired some because of their adamant nature, intelligence, wickedness,  I admired some  the way of approach, it goes on… I don’t remember someone whom I love or admire without any special qualities in them.

There are some cases in some of my friends where I have seen their reflection of love in their eyes on first sight.  Somehow I put them under scanner and test them very badly on what basis is their love. I don’t do it with all, but when I see the love in their eyes then I don’t believe them at all. My friendship starts from heart and ends in heart when it stops its beating and it will be forever till the time I live and they all will be as my friends.

When I want to name it as a special relationship, I need to feel that they are worth of my relationship and I need a strong bond to show them as my relationship. A friend is more than a brother but to name it as a brother it is not an easy thing for me and they can’t become a brother of mine or a sister or any other relation so easily.  It will be too good for a brother to become a good friend.


When we started playing badminton, we got used to know a guy from Bangladesh, who used to play furiously. I think I would have got very little chance to interact with him. But I know from day one of our coincidental meeting, he started feeling so much love for me. Initial few days he used to feel so shy to talk as I am the only female in the group. I was not having any reason to talk to him as I have known people around me, but for him all of us are new.

Within short span of time, we used to miss him because of his fast and furious action in the ground. He will be playing so wildly and I remember him scolding play it like a gentleman and don’t try to show off as if it is a game of do or die. This is not a champion’s league; we are here just to kill our time and to do some exercising. I was very rude to him. My intention is not to scold him, as we all have to go for work next day and any injury is a loss to the company as well as to the people.

We used to meet almost daily and we got used to know each other. I have not seen such a strong love of a guy who feels me as his sister and his love has made me to feel irritated first few days and I used to feel how come we can have this kind of feeling for someone whom we don’t know anything.

A brother as a friend is provided by nature,

A friend as a brother is provided by his nature.

I have not got the opportunity to grow up with elder or younger brothers. I do have some cousin brothers and who are really more close to me as my brothers. I can surely depend on my cousin brothers for anything. My relationship is as strong as like my friends circle. I do keep up a very healthy relationship with all my relations.

But with this guy from Bangladeshi, why still Bangladeshi, he is  sweetest  “Mahtab”. I don’t know what made him to feel so close to his heart. Oh god, I can’t feel that his love was painful to me. I was not able to feel that love as love and feeling it as painful. I used to block his phone numbers, gtalk id. Whatever I have done, he has not changed his mind. I used to fight with him, saying don’t disturb me, I don’t want any disturbing love for me, it is painful, please don’t talk to me.

Anytime, he will feel Didi, didi and didi… oh god, that word itself has become so painful for me, because of his overpowering love. He has got sisters and brothers of his own, and how a person who has all of it can feel it with someone else? I don’t know many times, I have told him you can’t be a brother to me, if at all If I have a daughter/son, for them you can be a brother because of his childish behavior and I can’t feel you as my brother.

For that also, he didn’t feel sad, instant response from him was, if you would have got married and got kids, then I would have called you as ma. I mean it, I love you more than anything in this world. He took my mother’s gtalk id, and he will chat with her, complain to her saying that I am not cordial with him etc.,

Love has to be pleasant not as a pain. I have seen enough pain because of love and I don’t want any new brothers or any new relations in my life. I was so harsh and wild to him.

I know he would have got hurt, but he has never shared that it was painful and he was very keen in showing his love to me. Every day I will scold him and every day before coming he will call me whether we all are going to come for playing or not. Suddenly he stopped coming for plying.

When I scold him he will feel so happy as if someone from his family scolds him. I am sure that he will not take it so seriously that someone scolds him and blindly he will follow my words.

He has not turned to our group and started playing with other group. I was in a feeling that he is busy and that’s why he is not coming for playing. I didn’t try to call him also. Somehow god made me to feel that he is in great pain because of me.

I think we  didn’t fight or it was just a war of talk. He said I have to call him to come for playing and I said I will not call you, if you want to play,  come for playing. I was not feeling  that he is not coming because I failed to  call him.

Normally I will not go for a walk in the playing area, it was a windy day and we were not able to play. I thought I will go for a walk and then go home.

To my surprise, I saw this idiot playing with other group. It was really shocking for me. I never thought he can do that. His love for me will not allow him to go away from me. But how come he is playing in another group without even seeing me.

When I went nearby him, he started running away and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I waited for him to come back to play in that group and caught his ears and asked him to come with me. I still remember the way he came along with me, even without trying to remove my hands from his ears. I love it idiot. I don’t think I can do it even with my son.

It is nice growing old up with someone like you, someone to lean on, someone to count on… someone to tell on, someone to trust on ! ! !

I remember early on I would tease and push him around, and scold him a lot because that’s what we do with younger one at home. When he was not around and went on for a vacation for two months, it was really the time I started feeling his absence. No gtalk, no calls, no Facebook  and there was absolute no communication from him.  I started feeling his love for me and I started feeling that unknowingly it has touched my heart and I was enjoying it. I was missing him very badly.

As our relationship got older, I curled up protecting him and eventually that turned into a more understanding bond than that of a friendship. During this year our relationship has evolved and grown in many ways from a friend to a brother and a brother to a son.

Also I really feel that attachment to people is a weakness and I have suffered a lot because of it. I was purposely keeping him away from the close circle. I tried my level best not to show that I know his love for me. But he never gave up and made me to feel that I have to change my attitude for him and I have started showing my love for him. I know your love from the day one but I am sorry I don’t want any pain in future that’s why I avoided you. I made you to shed more tears even before showing my love.

I was little cautious not to get hurt but I am getting hurt everyday in the name of love and I wish I have to get it from all the lovable people around me.

God wanted me to undergo some pain in life because of love and certainly I can’t avoid it. Till the time we are in this world lets enjoy the gift of love which god has given to us.

The word “family” rarely ends up with the blood related but unto me, it is getting wider day by day as I allow many to enter into my family. My family is like my country a secular family and my family dwells across the borders.

He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival (only when we are playing), my confidant and my betrayer, my supporter and my dependent, and scariest of all is he is of my equal strength.

May god bless him with all the Love and I wish that he should be part of all my best and worst moments and I should be there in all his best moments and give all the worst moments to me for the pain what I have given to you in the past few months. Let me not miss his love till our last breath! ! !

You can never make anybody love you. All you can do is become a lovable person and you are a lovable person and made a rock to love you.

I love you ! ! !

Feeling continues