Archive | June 2, 2012

Feelings continues… ! ! !

Magic of Love…

Love is a sweet word which is always like a magic and it always will be. Love always remains in all the hearts and it is still a mystery. It creates haziness and mistiness. Love works in many ways that are unbelievable and strange as well. There is nothing in life that love cannot change. Love transforms a person from one level to another. It can make a soft person to wild and a wild person to soft. It has got the magic power to make nothing to everything and everything to nothing.

Love is said to be unselfish but we are in the selfish world and we use the power of love and the feeling of others as well for the selfish reason with time and trust. Here the time I mean is for my convenience I can love you and with my own stipulated time, I can love you not as you love me unconditionally and trust is for the reasons I want to trust I will trust you and I will not trust you in whole.

To be honest, I was in deep stress because of many factors and almost the days I start with a bright smile and same way  today has to be celebrated by me with great joy and because of some reason I was in deep mourning and I was not able to feel the day started with a great note.

By all means I was affected and whatever I was doing like personal, professional, love, friendship, care, health wise feeling sick both physically and mentally.

Normally my day will start with plenty of pleasant good morning message’s from many good friends and today also I got couple of it and I was not able to feel happy because I missed from someone whom I love the most.

A friend visited my place and saw me after a long gap and I was feeling little comfort with his presence. Even though we didn’t talk much, but I felt that I can get relieved from the pain what I was enduring in the last couple of days. When there is love, there is no need of much to talk. He was talking about his wife, family and back home things and we discussed about couple of our friends.

I know what it’s like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you can’t, how you hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill something on the inside”

The reason for me to feel day is not good is nothing but the expectation. Expectation is really a big problem which made me to feel that my day is not good.  A call from India would have made huge difference. I didn’t get the call, but when I tried to call the beloved person, I was not able to talk as the other end was very busy.

Since the Day is special I expected the call, when I don’t expect any calls, I will get many calls and being a Saturday I know that I will get the call, but the heart is impatient and when we don’t get it when it is needed, it weeps and makes us to feel like dying.

Apart from the calls from my home or my personal relations, everything is my professional and others are professional friends, personal friends, hi & hello friends.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because of the accidents made by us. It dies because we don’t know how to refill  it’s source.  It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of ruining. Love dies because of expectations also. Love dies because of mistrust.

I was in a mindset that I have to be away from both my personal and professional environment, but fate made me to be at my office.  Before starting to office, I started feeling the day is not good, and thought that I will keep fasting and started my day with my usual prayers. Only in god we can trust, even god gives us pain to validate whether we are in sync with him or not. Why not the humans?

I am scared to get close to people after getting a deep hurt by a friend couple of years ago. But destiny made me to create new friends in the new country and the reason for it was my thambi (Brother) and because of him, I started smiling from the heart.

Because of him, I got so many friends and I have to be thankful to him and to god as well for giving me this change in my life. Otherwise I would have felt the loneliness; I mean being alone would have killed me in this country due to the professional tensions. I restricted myself for long time to be away from social circle because of the hurt from my friends circle.

Due to some misunderstandings, me and my brother stopped talking for more than 6 months and I was really feeling like deep hurt. Because of him, I started smiling; I started to feel my old college days, because of him I got so many new friends. Because of him I started feeling that I can start a new beginning with my friendship as I was away from my social networking due to the hurt factors.

When we had some misunderstanding, it was not really a misunderstanding, I will name it as EGO and we didn’t talk to each other, but we will be seeing each other, we will not smile at each other, but we will feel for each other.

When I entered the office, I was in deep grief and decided that I have to correct myself for two reasons so as I can get back the peace what I am trying to get it from other sources.

Instead of longing for the old love, get back the love what I have missed and which is readily available in front of me. It is not gone with wind love, it is in front of me and feeling for me. Just because of our Ego, we didn’t talk to each other. We will cut jokes, we will pass sarcastic comments about each other but we were not ready to talk to each other.

When we were close, our time was so good and it will be great fun to enter the office. I felt that it seems that every time I get close to someone, they always have to go away. Maybe it’s time to teach me how life goes on and how I shouldn’t depend on people so much, or maybe I just trust the wrong people” and I decided not to correct or to repair the misunderstanding with my brother. It is not only that he will make us to smile, he will make us to think as well. I used to admire him for the way he used to analyze and also for his sincere and dedication in whatever he does. (Same with love and care as well)

The main reason for this reunion is also one of my friend because of whom I got so much hurts, but still I felt that I can’t let the feelings go. If I can do that for a friend whom I got because of my brother, how can I do injustice to the one who made me to smile when I forgot to smile? Neither he has done any harm to me nor we had any fights. We have high regards and respect for each other and above all I have seen his care and love for me, how can I throw his love for a silly reason and that too for more than 8-9 months.

Today is the day I have to make the re-union and when the time for ordering the food came, one of my best friend asked what do you want, I said, if my brother is going to treat, then I prefer to break my fast otherwise, I will continue with my fast and I will break it in the night. Immediately Thambi also asked check what she wants..  We ordered with a condition that he should be ready to eat with me and team, as he was not having his food especially with me in the last few months.

To my great knowledge this re-union should have happened long time ago, at least a month back. I know that my brother was ready to talk to me leaving his entire ego, still who will tie the bell to the cat was going on in our minds.

Finally today the great reunion happened and I am so happy because we always look at the door which is closed and we never look for the other door which is open.  Part of my social life started because of my brother and I was not interested to repair the misunderstanding irrespective of many occasions gave the opportunity to correct our mistakes.

I know he would have expected me to talk to him first and being elder than him, I should have initiated and I made him to miss many of our wonderful moments. I am sorry for that. I used to scold him for missing it but I know that he missed all those only because I was part of it.

At last, to my brother, “Don’t judge anyone by the way they speak. Judge them by the way they care. Because caring is the outcome of a truthful heart”.

My next article will talk about the Bangladeshi dart champion 🙂

Feelings Continues ! ! !