I have written many times about love and other stuff, this time I was thinking a lot to write on sorry/ apologies, or about the self-esteem which is also long pending, now it is time for me to think about how strong are we in any relationships? How do we define a relationship?
Relationship – Is it fate or destiny? If it is fate then it is with our blood relations because we can’t change our parents or siblings or aunt, uncle etc., if it is destiny, then we chose the destiny as our friends.
In any relationship whether it is by fate or by destiny, we need to have the trust, faith and love. When any of these ingredients fails, then the relationship dies. We might say that one loyal friend is equal to ten thousand relations or more, but in reality, you will not have any relation with all the 3 together. Either there will be a blind love or or faith or trust and when you have all the 3, you will be a stronger person and It is not that you are strong because of the faith, trust and love given by the relations and you know that they stand by your side even if you fail. You know that there are people behind you to lift your morale when you fall down.
Is it the blood relations or the one who comes and goes as a friend or the one with whom we find a new phase of life in our personal life? Relationship differs by many ways Intimate relation, interpersonal relation, sexual relationship, emotional relationship etc.
Intimate relationships have four basic ingredients: respect, trust, acceptance and knowing (each other), which can take place through both verbal and nonverbal communication. Some people would include sexual attraction and sexual chemistry should be in the definition of an intimate relationship but I feel that relationship can be extremely intimate without any sex, while no relationship could be considered intimate without these four respect, trust, acceptance and knowing.
There is a lot of difference between the other relationships like emotional, sexual relations with intimate relationships. Common terms used are we are intimate, we made love, we had sex. There is a common illusion that intimacy follows sex. I read somewhere that even great sex in no way guarantees emotional intimacy or great relationships. If so, there will not be anyone as prostitutes or there will not be any prostitution happening around the world.
Intimacy and sex are separate entities and there is no association between them. Physical nakedness is not the same as emotional nakedness or vulnerability or intimacy. This might be little confusing terms yes when you are emotionally openness and sharing are harder to make and it not so easy to open and share to the other.
- Knowing and being known: seeking to understand the other person. (Love and being loved is the same funda).
- To make the relationship bloom in the absence of the expected behaviors: giving the benefit of the doubt to the other person and make them to feel that you are behind them even if something goes wrong.
- Accept the love and Respect the love, understand what the other person feels and share it accordingly. Let it not be more or less so as they can enjoy your company
- We will feel bored in any relationship, if there is no change in the way how we deal it. All the relationship requires changes and continuous changes without affecting the individual heart feelings.
- Anything which becomes routine will spoil the relationship and it has to be spontaneous not as a routine.
For me, the best of my relations are my Granny, Mother, Chithi . Without these three great ladies in my life I would not have been the better person in my life. Whatever I am and whatever people around me think that I am, I owe to them and how I was, is known only to them. They hold major role in the transformation and whatever I am is not the real character of mine, a transformed individual. They have seen the worst of it and they know the best of it as well.
Ideally what is a relation? A relative, family member, blood related person? How do we differentiate the relationship with a friendship was the subject going on in my mind?
Family is an unconditional love and being in a family is a blessing. It means that we will be loved unconditionally.
Relationships are characterized by intimacy, growth, and buoyancy. If intimacy is familiarity, closeness and understanding which comes in confidence with more love, care and concern with a person, then the affection what we have for the other turn to bloom as a relationship. It need not be a blood relation. Relation means not only the immediate family, close relatives, distant relative and it includes the close friends as well.
Blood is thicker than Water. I am very close to my whole family. There is no debate or doubt that family is closer to heart. Next to the family comes the close friends who are so close as family.
Somewhere down the line, I heard the phrase blood is thicker than water and relationship is stronger than friendship. My friend, when we say as friend, yes there is an end, but when the friend develops stronger love and care, and takes it as a friendship – it is a bond, a relationship and there is an attachment which is more compared to the blood one. Because I am forced to love my parents, I am forced to love my sisters, I am forced to love my kids, all these are blood relations but nobody will say that I am forced to love my friend and it will come spontaneously and you don’t choose your parents or any relations whereas you chose the friends whom you want to be closely associated with.
There are times, when my mother will not understand that I am under stress or with some problem, whereas a close friend of mine will ask me, what is wrong with you? I think you are not alright, is everything alright at your end? It is a small question but a heart touching feelings asked from hearing my voice and at that point of time I am in need of that love and care, which I get it from a friend. Even when I was drafting this content, one of my friend would have asked me minimum 1o times, what is wrong with you ?
How a mother cannot understand the feeling of a daughter and how a friend could do it? It is all about the age gap and the differences in the way of life and approach towards life. I see the life, analyze the life and she has lived the life. My friend knows that I see the life, analyze the life and mother feels that I live the life.
There are times where family lets down their own blood relation, but the friends coming from the other family who is close to heart, recoups and make the other person to smile and survive and to make them successful in their life.
I am a reliable and responsible person, whereas I can fail/fall anytime not purposely but because of the situations and I know I can depend on my relatives. My mother will not hurt me for my failure but she will definitely scold me for my failure, you will not listen to anyone, you have to learn from your mistakes. My friend will say, don’t worry, even this will pass away, that is the trust they have on me. I enjoy both my relation and friendship and I know that whatever failures I am going to face I am going to face it with all these wonderful people around me. I know the strength of the support of my intimate relations and I love them for their support.
Blood is thicker than water does not mean that family is better than friends or friends are not par to the family. Relations will stick together and they will stand and will do more for the other. “Relationships within the family are stronger than any other kind” yes when I was brutally struck by my friend, my family stood beside me and made me to stand up again and to face this world and to gain some more new friends of my choice.
When there is a party or a function at a friend’s house and there is a wedding at a relative house, wherein I have to attend the wedding of my relative, my friend knows that if I avoid that function at my friend’s house is just to prove that my friend can understand me and I can’t disappoint my relative as they will not understand and expect my presence without feeling for my heart. Whereas my friend will know that physically I may be attending the wedding but mentally I will be with them.
Those who are away from the family will know the effect of their friendships back home. I have left my old aged parents and in a faith and belief that all my friends are there for my parents and just a phone call, they will be nearby my parents maximum in one hour time, whereas it will take minimum one week time for me or at least a day to reach them in case of some emergency.
To conclude, Blood is thicker than water’s actual meaning of the phrase is lost and here it is
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
“There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” from Proverbs 18:24.
I think of one of the hardest verses in the Bible to process in Luke 14 where Jesus says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Does he really mean that you have to hate your family, or is Jesus saying that the blood covenant with Him is more important than any other relationship? No, it talks about how to be close with Jesus..
Blood may be thicker than water, but people shouldn’t use this words in an argument or in anger; it does so much hurt. These days our own family can hurt or even kill us, and our friends can support us. It wasn’t meant to be this way. We’re all supposed to help each other, to be at peace, and to love each other—if it were only that way. It will be that way in heaven. If really blood is thicker, then why do we have hatred in families?