This article is not about others, it is about myself experience which happened just couple of days back.
In personal life we will forgive and forget the mistakes easily depending on the love and care with the other person, but in professional life, we get hurt immediately. We don’t want the other person to dominate or to overreact for a situation or any situation. We want to show that we are perfect at all times, which is not possible as well. We know that it is not possible, other person may be right also, but our ego will not allow us to take it easily because we grow with our ego. Conflicts in personal life, I don’t care at all, even if someone whom I love slaps me, I will take it and show the other side of the face to hit, but when it comes to professional life, I have grown only with conflicts and most of my exit from the companies are because of the conflicts with colleagues.
In my current assignment, we have got a good team to work with me in the current project. Two Technical consultants are working with me from the beginning and almost I have been with them all through their routines, problems, helping them professionally as well as personally. Somewhat there was some clash between these two. They are not cordial, I tried many times to sort out and I was not able to make them amicable and to sort out their differences.
I have taken these guys problem so seriously in my mind and it was hurting me for long time. Both of them are equally good-by heart and by work as well. I know that individually they are performing well, but as a team, we were failing.
By chance the technical lead came in to the client’s place and was about to support these two guys in their work. During that time, I forced myself to talk to the technical lead about this problem and asked him to sort out. I tried my level best, I failed in it and I don’t have time also to look into this. I feel that there is some EGO clash between them.
During the discussion, out of two guys only one was around, and I told him, that there is lot of potential in you and you are succeeding in your work, no doubt in that. But as a team, we are not delivering properly because there is miscommunication between you two. I want your guru to sort out so as we can succeed together.
At that point of time, I was brutally struck not by sword but with my word, I have to feel proud that guy didn’t question me, how dare are you to give such advise me?
The entire company knows that I was having a rivalry with my colleague. My colleague was not a bad guy, and he has not done anything wrong to me, but I don’t know some of his behavior, attitude made me to feel some grudges. I have my own protocols and I will follow that and if I don’t like I will not talk to them and I will not entertain them to continue with their way of approach with me. In a way I am not a good friend to those whom I don’t like. I have my rules to have friends also in my circle.
On his face, I have told I am not interested to work with him and at the back also, I have informed that I don’t prefer to work if he is going to continue in this project.
A week back, me and our two techie’s were about to go for lunch and I asked them to get ready. By mistake one of the guys called my close colleague also to join for lunch. I don’t know from where I got wild and I showed it bluntly to him and went without waiting for them to join. I don’t have reason for it, but I don’t want to have lunch with that colleague, which was also hurting me from that day itself.
When I was giving this royal counsel for my techie guy, a sudden thought how can I give this kind of advice for him, when I have a rivalry with my colleague. I really felt ashamed of myself and then I realized that I have to correct myself before I enforce my wish to this guy. So I kept quiet and came out of that room.
My conflicting colleague was not in his place. Even if he was there, I would not have discussed anything with him at that point of time, because I was not mentally ready to accept that I have to correct myself.
If I recommend someone to do something, I have to follow that which is my inner intuition and I do that as well. It is easy to advice but very hard to follow. I will not do free of cost advice or I don’t run a counseling center. If I want someone to change, then I have to show them how to change.
So I decided to correct myself. I don’t want to analyze whose mistake was it and whether the mistake is from my side or his mistake, whatever be the case, I have to be cordial with him. Personally we don’t have anything, we don’t have to give and take, but professionally I have to be cordial because it is going to spoil each other reputation.
With joined hands itself, it is hard to win and if we fight and we try to go in different directions, we can’t win when we work as a team. If I succeed alone, then it is not a team’s success and if I fail without his help or without getting my work done through him or without helping him, then it is not a success. If one of us fail, then it is a total failure at that moment I took a decision, that I have to change. He is not my enemy and he has not done any harm to feel him as enemy.
People around me will be thinking what happened to me, how come suddenly I changed my mind, there is a reason for the change as well. I love to advice and more than giving advice, I love to follow what I endorse others. Change is inevitable and this change is going to bring smile in two faces. (Of course in me and my colleague).
I am sorry my friend, at times, I was so cruel and shown hard face to you for which I feel bad and my sincere apologies for the same. A mere sorry will not solve the pain, but I can see some smile in your face when we meet each other. I hope this will not happen with others. It’s a great lesson for me to handle my conflicts with colleagues.
Thanks my dear techie, for not questioning me. Thanks for that respect what you have shown it. I know at the back of your mind definitely, it will be running. You can check with my close friend that I am cordial with him and now I can tell you to change your approach as well.
If you change your attitude, then it is good for the team, if not also it is good, because I am seeing a change in myself.
Do Not Correct others, correct yourself
“People don’t change, the only person you can change is yourself”