Archive | February 2012

Conflict with Colleague’s

This article is not about others, it is about myself experience which happened just couple of days back.

In personal life we will forgive and forget the mistakes easily depending on the love and care with the other person, but in professional life, we get hurt immediately. We don’t want the other person to dominate or to overreact for a situation or any situation. We want to show that we are perfect at all times, which is not possible as well. We know that it is not possible, other person may be right also, but our ego will not allow us to take it easily because we grow with our ego. Conflicts in personal life, I don’t care at all, even if someone whom I love slaps me, I will take it and show the other side of the face to hit, but when it comes to professional life, I have grown only with conflicts and most of my exit from the companies are because of the conflicts with colleagues.

In my current assignment,  we have got a good team to work with me in the current project. Two Technical consultants are working with me from the beginning and almost I have been with them all through their routines, problems, helping them professionally as well as personally. Somewhat there was some clash between these two. They are not cordial, I tried many times to sort out and I was not able to make them amicable and to sort out their differences.

I have taken these guys problem so seriously in my mind and it was hurting me for long time. Both of them are equally good-by heart and by work as well. I know that individually they are performing well, but as a team, we were failing.

By chance the technical lead came in to the client’s place and was about to support these two guys in their work. During that time, I forced myself to talk to the technical lead about this problem and asked him to sort out. I tried my level best, I failed in it and I don’t have time also to look into this. I feel that there is some EGO clash between them.

During the discussion, out of two guys only one was around, and I told him, that there is lot of potential in you and you are succeeding in your work, no doubt in that. But as a team, we are not delivering properly because there is miscommunication between you two. I want your guru to sort out so as we can succeed together.

At that point of time, I was brutally struck not by sword but with my word, I have to feel proud that guy didn’t question me, how dare are you to give such advise me?

The entire company knows that I was having a rivalry with my colleague. My colleague was not a bad guy, and he has not done anything wrong to me, but I don’t know some of his behavior, attitude made me to feel some grudges. I have my own protocols and I will follow that and if I don’t like I will not talk to them and I will not entertain them to continue with their way of approach with me. In a way I am not a good friend to those whom I don’t like. I have my rules to have friends also in my circle.

On his face, I have told I am not interested to work with him and at the back also, I have informed that I don’t prefer to work if he is going to continue in this project.

A week back, me and our two techie’s were about to go for lunch and I asked them to get ready. By mistake one of the guys called my close colleague also to join for lunch. I don’t know from where I got wild and I showed it bluntly to him and went without waiting for them to join. I don’t have reason for it, but I don’t want to have lunch with that colleague, which was also hurting me from that day itself.

When I was giving this royal counsel for my techie guy, a sudden thought how can I give this kind of advice for him, when I have a rivalry with my colleague. I really felt ashamed of myself and then I realized that I have to correct myself before I enforce my wish to this guy. So I kept quiet and came out of that room.

My conflicting colleague was not in his place. Even if he was there, I would not have discussed anything with him at that point of time, because I was not mentally ready to accept that I have to correct myself.

If I recommend someone to do something, I have to follow that which is my inner intuition and I do that as well. It is easy to advice but very hard to follow. I will not do free of cost advice or I don’t run a counseling center. If I want someone to change, then I have to show them how to change.

So I decided to correct myself. I don’t want to analyze whose mistake was it and whether the mistake is from my side or his mistake, whatever be the case, I have to be cordial with him. Personally we don’t have anything, we don’t have to give and take, but professionally I have to be cordial because it is going to spoil each other reputation.

With joined hands itself, it is hard to win and if we fight and we try to go in different directions, we can’t win when we work as a team. If I succeed alone, then it is not a team’s success and if I fail without his help or without getting my work done through him or without helping him, then it is not a success. If one of us fail, then it is a total failure at that moment I took a decision, that I have to change. He is not my enemy and he has not done any harm to feel him as enemy.

People around me will be thinking what happened to me, how come suddenly I changed my mind, there is a reason for the change as well. I love to advice and more than giving advice, I love to follow what I endorse others. Change is inevitable and this change is going to bring smile in two faces. (Of course in me and my colleague).

I am sorry my friend, at times, I was so cruel and shown hard face to you for which I feel bad and my sincere apologies for the same. A mere sorry will not solve the pain, but I can see some smile in your face when we meet each other. I hope this will not happen with others. It’s a great lesson for me to handle my conflicts with colleagues.

Thanks my dear techie, for not questioning me. Thanks for that respect what you have shown it. I know at the back of your mind definitely, it will be running. You can check with my close friend that I am cordial with him and now I can tell you to change your approach as well.

If you change your attitude, then it is good for the team, if not also it is good, because I am seeing a change in myself.

Do Not Correct others, correct yourself

“People don’t change, the only person you can change is yourself”  



I started writing this content 3 years back and finally I got a chance to post it today. I was not able to make it shorter than this because the first version was 300 times more than this. My cousin wanted me to write a novel, I hope people  will have patience to read this, if so I can try to go for it as well.

I am very happy to write a note about him in my blog and he is the only person whom I respect as my professional guru and it’s my pleasure to say that I was reporting to him. Yeah I was reporting to him, not now. It is not only that I admire him as my boss and also as a person with ethics.

Whatever decisions I have taken in my life, I have no regrets and in the same way I have no regrets of leaving my previous organization, but I do regret that I will not get a boss like him in my life time.  I will not say a manager as my boss. This boss has lot of differences compared to other managers. Anyone can become a manager if they have luck.

Of course I don’t need any boss now.  I feel that I have learned the techniques from him how to be a good boss and it’s time for me to show the world what my boss taught me.

I will say one of the best periods of my career life is working under him.  Not only best period, longest tenure of my career life under one person is really a big achievement not for me but for him because I will not think anyone as my superior. I work with my own protocols and I want the person to whom I report should guide not to dictate and not to expect to handle everything by the subordinate.

I assure you that I will try to be a good boss like you.

There are people working under him for more than 4-5 years but I don’t know whether they have seen the moon light effect what I have learned from him or the feeling of having a good boss.

Generally we don’t get choices to select who should be our superior.  But I got the chance to decide under whom I have to work. When I was working as consultant I was reporting him, and I felt that I have to work under him directly. Even though I was a consultant, he has not shown any injustice to me as a consultant.

If someone asks me what are the qualities and to measure a boss, then my answer will be like Mr.Anindya Garai irrespective of his minuses….

Let me take the opportunity to wish him a very pleasant and happy birthday. Many More Happy Returns of the Day.

What is so great in him? What is there to write about him? Normally nobody wish to write about boss, if at all they write they will not write in a positive manner.

What are the techniques that I learned to write about or to think so great about him?

In simple, I can say my previous blog on attitude is also because of his teachings.

To manage a team of people:

It is easy to manage a team of people working in the same stream provided the manager/boss knows little of that stream. But it is very difficult to manage people working in different streams. Despite the diversity of occupations and the differences in individual managers under him, he handled them very gently and got the hold with him.

Most of the Managers don’t get the respect or the honor from the sub ordinates. Like a boy watching the cows in a farm is easy. Can the same boy watch the Lion, Tiger, buffalo? The reason for my high regards for him is he managed all lion, tigers and made them as cat in front of him without any swords, AK47’s. Just with a smile.

Be willing to coach and to support people

He was so good in coaching and to support his team. He was with us all the time and all his efforts were constructively to correct performance problems. Best of his part was he used to bat for his subordinates as a captain with other teams. This point I should say as one of the most important aspects of effective leadership which I learned from him. Of course I got the desire to learn it and you can’t coach someone who doesn’t wish to learn.

Provide clear route map for the team

We must be clear of what we are going to do.  Give subordinates clear-cut decisions when they are in need.

Delegation of Responsibility

Once it is assigned, then he will not worry or query what the status is till we finish the task.  Definitely he will have the on-going controls. This means following up on important issues and actions and giving sub ordinates feedback on how they are doing or how it has to be done.

Open Communication

He is very honest, open in communication, and he was very straight in the communication which allows the sub ordinates to feel the relationship as strong.


He will recognize the right person for the right job and do it on right time. He will recognize the hard work, sincerity of the team members and also recognize for good performance more often than criticizing them for performance problems. He might not reward the people on face, but I hope he will be doing it during the performance Appraisals. Problem is only who work needs to work and the others will be taking rest which is a bad practice.

Freedom to Work

He provided an environment to work freely. He provided us the required infrastructure to work.

Secrets to share

All the people don’t get a boss to be trustworthy to the sub ordinates. If I want to watch a movie and if I wish to go, I have the trust to inform him and go. It can’t happen with all the superiors. He gave that trust and made us to be frank.

Budget for the Department

He is a boss who used to discuss the positive and negative sides of his budget, how to cut short the expenses with the existing staff and resources.


He knows that under tremendous pressure, always there is room for mistakes – may be one of the reasons for his success. Not many bosses realize that it is tough to be too perfect.

Mistakes are our teachers and accepting them and learning from them help us to progress in life.

I really learned to accept the mistakes and knowing how to deal with mistakes at workplace only because of him. The trouble is in not making mistakes but to accept it to the superior as well as to correct the mistakes. In my tenure under him, I felt that I have accepted my mistakes in my work and also following the same.

When we accept the mistake, first question from him will be you did a mistake? (This shows that how much confidence he has on his sub ordinates) instead of analyzing about the reason, he will ask how to correct it. Even my mistakes will not be penalized and it really helped me a lot to do my job efficiently under him.

By confessing the mistakes, we don’t get penalized but we learn the lessons.

The same mistake will not happen under his supervision as he lets us to do mistakes and to correct. When we correct our mistakes and we will be very careful & cautious not to do the same mistakes and we know that forgetting and letting go off mistakes becomes problematic.

He gave us the work culture to learn and experiment and inspired self-assurance to all of us. It’s really tough to give freedom to the subordinates and also to give satisfaction to them.

It may not happen with another superior but I learned to accept the mistakes and I will admit my mistakes irrespective of the superior’s reactions to it. Thank you.

Man of a good character

A female and a male boss always will create problems irrespective of their age group and profiles. No matter what age bracket you fall into, you have to maintain your reputation in and out of the organization at all levels. I used to think when I was in teens, only now people will gossip and talk at the back and as you get older these will not be there but I feel that this will not stop even if you grow older. I learned from him that it is not possible to avoid these shabby thinking. Let them think do you bother about it?

Brain Health Activities

One of the best things I admire in him and I learned from him is to exercise my brain. We will be able to do anything physically or mentally only when our brain is active.  He made my brain to work so effectively, it’s vital that we should take care of our brain and use it properly.

Some of the best ways to keep your brain active include:

  • Learn new things.
  • Read as much as you can.
  • Take a class in something you enjoy.
  • Challenge yourself with crosswords, Sudoku, or similar puzzles.
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.
  • Listen Songs, Watch Movies, Plays (Even now I have the DVD’s given by you) .
  • Research and learn about new things that interest you.
  • Talk about intellectual pursuits, take a class together, or learn something new with your friends or family.
  • Even if you live alone or don’t have a lot of people you’re close to, the Internet brings brain activity boosters right to your fingertips. (of course he will comment us in a meeting room if we use the G-talk for chatting)
  • Talk with other intellectual people who share your views.

Never write an email when you’re mad or upset

In a reactive or upset state of mind, or when you’re lacking judgment or perspective, it’s easy to act impulsively rather than with serenity and wisdom. In the click of Send button, you can confuse someone, hurt their feelings, irritate them, or even destroy a very good genuine relationship.

This is what happened with me, I sent an email to the top management against him. When some things go wrong in your personal life, and everything goes wrong in the official environment also.  I had couple of personal issues and along with those official problems as well and from both the end I lost couple of good people in my life. As I was hurt deeply and was unable to come out of the pain, I sent a rubbish mail just to cool down myself.

I learned it very late never write an email when you’re mad or upset. Even though you are hurt or the flip side of the issue is true or when you are upset with someone and tempted to share your feelings don’t choose the method of email. If you can suppress your feelings, it pays enormous dividends. Just by a single click of send if you express, it will adversely affect instead of making ourselves cool.

Normally I don’t regret for anything. Only thing for which I regret is that I did this mistake against my boss whom I respect and value more. But that was a decision taken when I was upset, I wanted to share my personal views with him and that was the reason for drafting that mail. I really feel bad of myself for not discussing the same with him in person and sending that mail and I wish and pray that I should not do it in my lifetime with anyone else.

I should not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these with me

Select the right people to staff the team/organization

I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization. I learned it from him but in a different way.

More often I remember these quotes with my boss and my experiences in my everyday routine. Even though he is not nearby me, I feel that these quotes are said by him to me.

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life, makes all the difference. He knows exactly what is the effort required and who will do it properly and he will assign it to the right person @ right time.

An expert is not someone who knows everything but ready to share what he knows. I don’t think he will share his knowledge with a person who is not going to use it.

Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – I learned this from him, I was very happy working under him, that maybe the reason for doing my work successfully. One of the reason for me to write this content, because I learned to enjoy my work when I was working under him.

I will not say the below details as his minuses, but I should say that I learned how to plan for the team. It is my personal view only maybe he failed to share these secrets or lessons, I failed to learn from him.

Select the right people to staff the team/organization – I strongly feel that he has not selected few members for the team for the welfare of the team or for the organization. I am not sure how he handles the financial implications of decisions of having the right staff in the department to cater the needs of the organization.

Divide and Rule

Keeping the team separately from their domain, he knows the tactics to make the people to work for him independently by divide and rule. I really felt this after working under him for more than two years. I may be wrong but when we got the differences settled within the team, we find that the problem is with the boss not within our team. I may be wrong, but we had a feeling that boss did this. How can my boss do this to me was the first question raised in my mind, when we resolved the differences.

My Trust with my boss

The kind of trust what I had on him is unbelievable and may be it caused more pain and made me to resign. I worked under him with passion and not for money.

Sir do you know what was my belief in you? I want you to share this with all my fellow colleagues too.

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:  “Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.” The little girl said:
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.” 

What’s the difference? Father asked.
There’s a big difference, replied the little girl.
If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.  So it’s how the other person responds whether tries to hold or expecting us to hold….

Really it was nice to travel with you, it was too long journey and I felt very hard to come out of it. Even today I feel and miss that working environment. You will cross my mind at least once in an hour. (When I enter the office, the security wishing good morning, or in a meeting room lead by some project manager or a discussion with other client or when I browse in the net or in Google Talk chat….)

I feel that I should have started this blogging 3 years back instead of asking you to start to have all your discussions and ideas in a blog, I should have started so as I can have each and everything I learned from you for review or to read it when I need it.

I miss your teachings…

I miss our healthy arguments…

I miss your general discussions….

I miss your guidance to approach an issue…

Sometimes, I used to feel that you are sitting in front and used to have a chat/ heated discussions within myself and I used to get a good solution.

Sir, I know the difference of a consultant and a manager only because of you…. You wanted me to be in the management and I preferred to be a consultant… I am grown up now and prefer to be a manager. Hope to go to that level soon….

! ! ! Happy Birthday to you ! ! !