Forgive and Forget

The contents of this blog aroused based on an argument with a friend. He asked me can you forgive someone who has done harm to you. I told my friend that I don’t forgive because I can’t forget the incident which has caused the pain in me. I have the heart to forgive and I have done it also but I can’t forget the incident. Is it the meaning of forgiveness??

Is it so easy to forgive and forget?  It is really a great thing to do, but how many of us can forgive and forget?  Forgiving doesn’t means Forgetting and Forgetting doesn’t means forgiving am I Confusing? Yes I am confused.

Up to me Forgive and Forget are like twins, without forgetting, we can’t forgive. If I say I can forgive and I can’t Forget then it means I am going ahead with the relationship as I need that relationship, but I can’t forget it. Somewhere in the corner, it will be there.

Forgiving and Forgetting are the great commandments from god and it is really a blessing to have it in us. Even a Mother can’t forgive and forget. Forgiving is motherliness but forgetting is godliness. If someone says I forget what happened then it means that they have forgiven.

Forgive and forget… is the one that easily comes from lot of people when giving advice, but it’s not one that is easily followed.

Forgiving someone who has done something bad to us is not easy. Of course it usually can be done, and it requires some time. This time can come in two minutes also and this time can kill the relationship also.

Even though we’ve forgiven someone for the pain what they’ve given, it is not easy to forget. Our mind is so sharp when it comes to these things, it will alert us that you have faced pain because of this person during this kind of scenario’s, be careful. How can we get this alert if we forget the incident totally? It is really tough to forget the hurt/pain completely. Especially if someone has hurt us in BIG way, we can never really forget the pain and the fact that it has happened to us.

What is the meaning of Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a process and it can never happen instantly. It takes long time and it might even take forever also. It can happen or it can’t happen also. Forgiving means that you choose not to punish a person who has done some harm to you.

Forgiveness is a process and it may take a long time, some even take forever before the resentment and the anger subsides. Forgiveness means that you choose not to punish that person because of what that person has done to you. But giving forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forget.

Forgiveness does not involve a literal forgetting. Forgiveness involves remembering graciously. The forgiver remembers the true though painful parts

For example, we do a mistake and we realize that we have done some harm and we pray to god for forgiveness and we assume that god forgives us. But does god forgets our sin??? Even if we don’t ask for forgiveness god knows everything and he does not forget anything.

As a human, we know very little and many things slip from our memory. It just slips for a while. In reality, we do not have the power to forget. If we try to forget, the action of trying to forget will stress the facts more firmly in our memories.

Forgiveness is a feeling which contradicts with time and people. Feelings may or may not change at the time that you forgive. At times, we might feel that we have forgiven, but when we think of the pain/hurt/loss, we might think that we should not have forgiven. Actually feelings don’t agree with mind to forgive. Actually we don’t want to forgive and we can’t forget also. We get angry on ourselves for the action of forgiving the others.

Life has become too mechanical and complicated. We hardly have time to meet, discuss and reunite, forgive and shake hands. And we carry the ill feelings even till graves. But is it really worth to destroy relationships, refusing to forgive those we love? We cannot make up the time we have wasted by holding grudges and turning our backs on forgiveness. True, it does hurt more when a loved one says or does something to cause us harm. But we need to move beyond the initial hurt to try and find healing – and that can only come from forgiveness

When we forgive others, we not only mend our relationships, and also we learn to heal ourselves. When we refuse to forgive, we want to hold the pains made by the other person and it always reminds us of the clash and the turmoil. When we let go of our anger, the pain disappears and we are free to put it behind us and begin all over again.

The person may have caused a lot of damage that may be impossible to forget, but forgiving doesn’t mean you erase everything from your memory. It is only the negative feelings that you put behind so that it does not infect the relationship.

Only way to come out of this is “Do not let your feelings control you” Have the feeling to “Love your Enemy” or “Bless your enemy” and Leave the pains to god. Definitely this will change the feelings towards the offender.

Forgiveness is as an art of Godliness, but asking for forgiveness is more than that. Forgiveness is a kind of relief feeling given to the offender. Offender asking for the forgiveness is the real feeling from the heart of accepting the mistake or committing his sin. Who is great here the person who asks for forgiveness or the person who gives forgiveness???

When a person feels sorry for his mischief behavior is above the human who forgives him for his sin.

It’s not a matter of holding a grudge, it’s just that once the damage has been done, it can never be undone. It can be healed and a remedy can be improved over the time and it can never be undone. In other words, you can forgive the person, but you can’t forget what they did. It will stay with you forever, but what changes is how you deal with your emotions. Over time, the pain, disappointment and anger may diminish. It will come to a point wherein it becomes just a distant thought with no more emotional impact. Nevertheless, it will be in your mind… someday, when you look back,  specially during the times in your life when you’re forced to recall it. But then you’re in control. Because it is not going affect you like as it was. And this is when you can say that you’re stronger, because of what you’ve been through and because of what you had to endure.

That’s why I can say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with remembering. “Forgive, but never forget“. Now, that’s more like it.

We don’t forget the hurt but when we remember the pain, do we forgive the person at that moment also? Then we can feel that we have the art of forgiving.

Finally to conclude, Forgiveness lets us to make ourselves cool from the anger. It reduces the anger immediately and it erases the pain on the person who hurt us. It makes you stronger and many times it makes the relationship also stronger.

Forgiveness brings back the peace and it increases the healing power in human. Above all, it is not a bad thing to forgive, and to do a good thing we don’t need arguments… signing off


One thought on “Forgive and Forget

  1. Dear uma

    why u confussing our DMK ANNA already told MARPOM MANIPOM so dont confuse
    say simple MARPOM MANIPOM ethu en valli eni unvaali (this is my way u choose your way)

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