Archive | April 2011

Forgive and Forget

The contents of this blog aroused based on an argument with a friend. He asked me can you forgive someone who has done harm to you. I told my friend that I don’t forgive because I can’t forget the incident which has caused the pain in me. I have the heart to forgive and I have done it also but I can’t forget the incident. Is it the meaning of forgiveness??

Is it so easy to forgive and forget?  It is really a great thing to do, but how many of us can forgive and forget?  Forgiving doesn’t means Forgetting and Forgetting doesn’t means forgiving am I Confusing? Yes I am confused.

Up to me Forgive and Forget are like twins, without forgetting, we can’t forgive. If I say I can forgive and I can’t Forget then it means I am going ahead with the relationship as I need that relationship, but I can’t forget it. Somewhere in the corner, it will be there.

Forgiving and Forgetting are the great commandments from god and it is really a blessing to have it in us. Even a Mother can’t forgive and forget. Forgiving is motherliness but forgetting is godliness. If someone says I forget what happened then it means that they have forgiven.

Forgive and forget… is the one that easily comes from lot of people when giving advice, but it’s not one that is easily followed.

Forgiving someone who has done something bad to us is not easy. Of course it usually can be done, and it requires some time. This time can come in two minutes also and this time can kill the relationship also.

Even though we’ve forgiven someone for the pain what they’ve given, it is not easy to forget. Our mind is so sharp when it comes to these things, it will alert us that you have faced pain because of this person during this kind of scenario’s, be careful. How can we get this alert if we forget the incident totally? It is really tough to forget the hurt/pain completely. Especially if someone has hurt us in BIG way, we can never really forget the pain and the fact that it has happened to us.

What is the meaning of Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a process and it can never happen instantly. It takes long time and it might even take forever also. It can happen or it can’t happen also. Forgiving means that you choose not to punish a person who has done some harm to you.

Forgiveness is a process and it may take a long time, some even take forever before the resentment and the anger subsides. Forgiveness means that you choose not to punish that person because of what that person has done to you. But giving forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forget.

Forgiveness does not involve a literal forgetting. Forgiveness involves remembering graciously. The forgiver remembers the true though painful parts

For example, we do a mistake and we realize that we have done some harm and we pray to god for forgiveness and we assume that god forgives us. But does god forgets our sin??? Even if we don’t ask for forgiveness god knows everything and he does not forget anything.

As a human, we know very little and many things slip from our memory. It just slips for a while. In reality, we do not have the power to forget. If we try to forget, the action of trying to forget will stress the facts more firmly in our memories.

Forgiveness is a feeling which contradicts with time and people. Feelings may or may not change at the time that you forgive. At times, we might feel that we have forgiven, but when we think of the pain/hurt/loss, we might think that we should not have forgiven. Actually feelings don’t agree with mind to forgive. Actually we don’t want to forgive and we can’t forget also. We get angry on ourselves for the action of forgiving the others.

Life has become too mechanical and complicated. We hardly have time to meet, discuss and reunite, forgive and shake hands. And we carry the ill feelings even till graves. But is it really worth to destroy relationships, refusing to forgive those we love? We cannot make up the time we have wasted by holding grudges and turning our backs on forgiveness. True, it does hurt more when a loved one says or does something to cause us harm. But we need to move beyond the initial hurt to try and find healing – and that can only come from forgiveness

When we forgive others, we not only mend our relationships, and also we learn to heal ourselves. When we refuse to forgive, we want to hold the pains made by the other person and it always reminds us of the clash and the turmoil. When we let go of our anger, the pain disappears and we are free to put it behind us and begin all over again.

The person may have caused a lot of damage that may be impossible to forget, but forgiving doesn’t mean you erase everything from your memory. It is only the negative feelings that you put behind so that it does not infect the relationship.

Only way to come out of this is “Do not let your feelings control you” Have the feeling to “Love your Enemy” or “Bless your enemy” and Leave the pains to god. Definitely this will change the feelings towards the offender.

Forgiveness is as an art of Godliness, but asking for forgiveness is more than that. Forgiveness is a kind of relief feeling given to the offender. Offender asking for the forgiveness is the real feeling from the heart of accepting the mistake or committing his sin. Who is great here the person who asks for forgiveness or the person who gives forgiveness???

When a person feels sorry for his mischief behavior is above the human who forgives him for his sin.

It’s not a matter of holding a grudge, it’s just that once the damage has been done, it can never be undone. It can be healed and a remedy can be improved over the time and it can never be undone. In other words, you can forgive the person, but you can’t forget what they did. It will stay with you forever, but what changes is how you deal with your emotions. Over time, the pain, disappointment and anger may diminish. It will come to a point wherein it becomes just a distant thought with no more emotional impact. Nevertheless, it will be in your mind… someday, when you look back,  specially during the times in your life when you’re forced to recall it. But then you’re in control. Because it is not going affect you like as it was. And this is when you can say that you’re stronger, because of what you’ve been through and because of what you had to endure.

That’s why I can say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with remembering. “Forgive, but never forget“. Now, that’s more like it.

We don’t forget the hurt but when we remember the pain, do we forgive the person at that moment also? Then we can feel that we have the art of forgiving.

Finally to conclude, Forgiveness lets us to make ourselves cool from the anger. It reduces the anger immediately and it erases the pain on the person who hurt us. It makes you stronger and many times it makes the relationship also stronger.

Forgiveness brings back the peace and it increases the healing power in human. Above all, it is not a bad thing to forgive, and to do a good thing we don’t need arguments… signing off

Betting More Pain than Profit

Bet for What

Again the bet was on cricket. We were watching an IPL match and I think it was between Deccan Chargers and Kings XI.

Ishant Sharma was the bowler for Hyderabad bowling to Punjab team. He bowled a ball and the batsman hit it and the ball straight to the fielder, caught but it was a no ball and the batsman got a life to play again.

Our bet was on this who was the batsman.

As I saw the match from Kitchen, I was impressed to see that the catch on a no ball. Out of interest, I went to the hall to see the replay. I really missed the replay as well, but when I saw I noticed Gilchrist was saying no for the run. And the commentator was saying Ishant Sharma has given a free hit to Gilly.

During the time we didn’t talk about this at all. After sometime one more friend joined us and we were discussing that Gilly will get the man of the match or Paul will get the man of the match.

In the few of the IPL matches, batsman who got the dropped chances, won the MOM. So I said it will be Gilly.

Based on the above assumptions, I said that the batsman who got the life was Gilly and Mr.X  immediately asked for the bet, saying that it is Paul Valthaty.

Since I agreed he said the bet amount as 5000 Dirham’s. I told him I can bet even for 50K

I too agreed for the bet as I know Mr.X more as a Muslim guy than as a normal person. In ISLAM gambling is Harram which was told by his wife during the same cricket season late last year. She can’t say like this. How did she say it???

I strongly felt that this bet is just for fun. I had that much confidence on Mr.X that It is for fun only.

The time to see the replays came and I found that I lost the bet, I saw the happiness in the face of Mr.X  as like anything. I have not seen his face happiness when his wife delivered a baby or for any other reason like that.

Soon after winning the betting, Mr.X called his wife and told her about this. To my surprise, she asked him to send 1000 Dirham’s to her to celebrate this. Now I realized that I made a mistake by agreeing to this bet, and I have not shown it outside.

I gave the money. He moved his head sideways saying no but I gave it to him. but he did not say that it is Harram and also I have seen the happiness in his face on winning this bet. I wanted to say him that I agreed for this bet as I know that it is Sin for Muslims. He was flying and was not able to listen what I was about to say also. May be he wanted me to feel or trying to play with me.

Even after giving the money I smiled and was talking to them happily without showing my pain. After sometime I went to my room. I was feeling that I made a mistake by accepting for the bet and I made him to do this SIN. Next day I got up late as I slept only in the morning due to tiredness and I was not able to see Mr.X.

As soon as I came to office, I called my friend to sell the car in India. I know I have to face some more losses but keeping the car is not going to help me and I need money badly to make the last payment to the builder.

Mr.X called me around 12.30P.M and it went on a missed call. I called him back. How things are?? This will be his first frequent question which he used to put every day. I said going on well and came for a free health check up. Immediately he said your BP will be high now. Unknowingly he said that but  my BP was normal only.Amount is little heavy but I will not die if I don’t have that money or for that money sake I will not spoil my health. I

I work very fast when it is money, because there can be minor loss but it should not ruin our life.

And then he asked me where shall we go for the party? That was a real turbulent for me and I was having a very good impression for this man till that minute. But this question really shattered me like anything.  I told him upfront that I am not going to join for this and you can go and have a party.  Even after 12 hours of losing the bet, I have not shared this news with anyone. But after his call I felt like, I have to show my pain out because I got so hurt  and I realized that I lost big money after the call.

I told some of my friends about this story and all of them scolded me, how can you bet for such a silly thing and this is the height of stupidity. I told this to Sashi as well, who is like one more person with whom I would have gone for these kind of Betting. A strong feeling again that he would not have touched that money, as he knows the value of the hard-earned money. Also He knows how we struggle to save. I am writing this just as a confession and to tell my lovable people (Mom, Geetha, Mahesh and Family) that I made a mistake but still it is okay, I will be little careful from now onwards and I am with heavy heart and it will take little time for me to recover from this.

Sashi was not able to scold me or react as like others as he felt that already I am mentally upset and not to scold and make me feel more, but I asked him to scold me so as I will feel relaxed because I have not discussed this with my Mother and also with very good friends around me, who can’t take it lightly as I have taken it.

I shared this with one more friend Imtiaz from Saudi who is really close to me via Gtalk. Imtiaz is a friend with whom I used to feel comfortable sharing all my sorrows. We know each other with our plus and minuses. He heard this entire story and told silently because of this reason don’t come to a conclusion that ISLAM is bad. There is nothing in religion and please don’t judge ISLAM with this experience. Don’t judge the person by its ACTION and OUTLOOK and don’t judge the RELIGION with a person and his Action and outlook.

Imtiaz tried to make me feel relaxed. I was feeling ok till the time we were chatting. But night was sleepless night. He tried to say, I can feel your pain. If I lose one Riyal, I know the pain, because it is hard-earned money.

Sashi did not scold me but questioned me like why did you give the money? And he took the money from you? I was feeling so happy for the friendship what you had with Mr.X & Family. Finally it has come to an end with this betting.  Is it required? You lost a very good relationship because of this betting.

Some what I felt discomfort from that minute of the call. My brain started working so fast.

I have to recover this loss as early as possible.

How to recover the loss of Rs.60000 ???

1.      Shift the house nearer to the office.

2.      Don’t go home for another 3-4 months

3.      Or go for sharing a room with someone

4.      Go on vacation for a month and take all your belongings so as I can save one month rent in Abu Dhabi and I can recover half immediately.

Few things came into mind after the call were

I could have bought two Samsung Galaxy mobiles

I could have used that money for 5 trips to India

I could have used to repay my loan one month in advance etc.,

On that day, when I reached room, I was not able to see X’s face at all; I purposely avoided coming out of my room. Also which was really a pain for me because I feel that flat as my home and I have not considered it as my staying place. I was not able to sleep peacefully for the second night and this night was literally one of the worst nights in my life.

Only one question was in my mind that how can a person call for a party? Bet was not to give party. In fact the other friend asked me to give a party; I questioned him for what party. After seeing this how a person could ask this to me?

Hiding continued and I was totally feeling that I have to shift the house immediately. I have asked my friends to find a place also. I was thinking how to inform Mr.X or to convey that I am going to shift my residence.

I was in that flat very happily. I have seen some good and bad days in my day-to-day life. But even in sickness or any unhealthy atmosphere, I have not felt that I am losing my peace or happiness. After all we live to live happily not to suffer because of some unworthy things.

Some sufferings will bring happiness, that’s fine and this suffering is really imprudent.

Next day evening when I returned from office, I met Mr.X near the lift. Normally if we meet, we will greet and then we will leave. On that day, I was thinking to talk to him that I am going to shift the residence and was thinking how he will take it etc.,

When I saw him, I was not able to see or even smile at him as the pain was to a great extent. I know that he will be going for the prayers but I didn’t expect to meet him there.

I left the place without reacting to his greetings. I went inside my room and I felt the room where I am staying for the last 16 months started hating it. I thought that if I stay in that house for one more month, I will die of heart attack. I tried to cool myself but my pain was getting more and more and I was not ready to cool down.

Mr.X came back after prayers. Immediately he knocked my room and asked me to come to hall. I told him, I will come after sometime. He asked me to come immediately and gave the money back. I asked him what for you are returning. He said I think you misunderstood that I took the money as betting money, I kept it as Rental Advance only. If that is the case why you are returning? And he said you take now, I will take it later.

I took the money back but still I was not convinced. I felt our friendship like a broken glass. Even if we try to make all the pieces together, it will lose its originality and even Imtiaz also said the same when I told him that I got the money back.

The reason for sharing this as an experience is “it is really good experience for me and I learned too many things out of this experience”.

I may be wrong in judging a person, but I know where the mistake was. I should have seen the match inside my room. When Mr.X said that Uma will not go for betting, I should have accepted it and said even now I will not go for betting.

Before losing this bet, I know the pain of others by seeing them or feeling myself on their shoes, but I felt like a disaster when it happened with me. Of course I never felt this kind of pain when I used to think about problems as mine. I can learn from others mistake. But there are chances of committing the same mistake. But now, I will not go for betting anymore in my life. That is the special of learning from your own mistakes.

When I used to feel about the gamble in Mahabharata, I used to feel how god can give this kind of things happening. Instead of saying if you do this, you will face this problem, he can directly say don’t do this.

I started correlating the activities of my sacred books now. I learned the biggest lesson from Mahabharata after this betting. Yes if I read don’t do this, I will say I will do this and let me see what happens.

Now I feel that I have to read the Sacred books in the way it is written instead of doing my personal analysis on it. And finally to conclude, whatever happened is not for good but it was to happen.

When I wrote the above as what ever happened immediately my mind recalled the Bhagavad Gita slogan only.

Whatever happened, it happened well.
Whatever is happening, it is happening well.
Whatever will happen, it will also happen well.
What of yours did you lose?
Why or for what are you crying?
What did you bring with you, for you to lose it?
What did you create, for it to be wasted or destroyed?
Whatever you took, it was taken from here.
Whatever you gave, it was given from here.
Whatever is yours today, will belong to someone else tomorrow.
On another day, it will belong to yet another.
This change is the law of the universe.

May be this is the time; I have to accept the change.

Thanks for your time.

Betting More Pain than Profit

அன்பு நிலையானது

Friends For Ever

U R my Best Friend

எந்தன் தாயும் நீயே!

எந்தன் தோழியும் நீயே!

எந்தன் காதலும் நீயே!

எந்தன் சேயும் நீயே!

எந்தன் உணர்வும் நீயே!

எந்தன் உயிரும் நீயே!

எந்தன் வாழ்வும் நீயே  என்று

உன்னை சுவாசித்தேன்,

இந்த உலகமே

உன்னை வெறுத்தாலும்                                                                

உன்னை நேசிக்க

நான் இருக்கிறேன் என்ற

உன் பாசத்தில் பைத்தியமான

என் அன்பிற்கு நீ

கொடுத்த பரிசு

இன்று மட்டும் இல்லை

என் சுவசம்

நிற்கும் தருணம்,

நான் இருப்பினும்,

இறப்பினும்

இந்த இதயத்தில்

எப்போதும் மாறாமல்

என்னோடு

வலியுடன் வாழும்

என் அன்பு தோழியே

உன் நட்பு ! ! !

Betting More Pain than Profit

I remember life is so easy for many of us when we were young spending parents hard-earned money and enjoying the life with friends and family. When we start working and when we become responsible, we come to know the pain of that hard-earned money of our parents. We learn from our mistakes and we pass on the same message which was conveyed by our parents to our kids to spend less and to know the value of hard-earned money.

Why I repeatedly add hard-earned in front of money is unless we know the value of it, we will not feel it as hard-earned. This content will talk more about money but it is not exactly money alone, but also the relationships, friendship and the trust what we keep on others gets spoiled instantly because of this money.

Whether Money comes to us easily or by hard work, value is same. But when it reaches us after 30 days of work, it really matters and the and when it reaches us instantly by any other means of gambling/betting or lucky draw etc., it gives immense pleasure but it doesn’t last long.

I am thinking whether I had any betting experience before the couple of betting’s I had few weeks back. Definitely would have had some betting but now I don’t remember any, and even if any I hope it would have been for fun or not as serious as like the one which I had just few days back.

Couple of weeks back during the cricket world cup 2011, I had a bet with one of my close friend for a match between New Zealand and Sri Lanka. I had a gut feeling that India will be playing the Final whether with NZ or SL????  With NZ I felt it is easy to win the cup.

I wanted Sri Lanka to lose but he said, New Zealand will win and at that moment, I didn’t go for a bet with him. We were in the discussion and few others also joined our discussion. Finally he said how much is the bet Sri Lanka will lose and New Zealand will play against India in Finals.

My inner heart was feeling very happy for the message as I wanted India to play the Final’s against NZ, I said OK and he asked for the money, I said Rs.50, he said this is big match and you should bet some bulk amount and finally we agreed for Rs.500. I told him, if I lose the bet, I will pay you and if I win, I will not leave you.

Somehow Sri Lankan team  made me to win the bet by reaching the finals and I got the money also from him on the same day and we all had good fun with my friend as he lost the bet for the first time. We spent the money on sweets and beverages.

I feel this is my first betting experience, in terms of playing it with money.

Friends used to play cards by keeping money for some excitement and thrill. But I have not played it; if I am playing I will not play any game for money.

The Reason is I am not very comfortable to lose the hard-earned money” and I know the pain of losing the hard-earned money. Normally I am with a very low attitude as well that I don’t like to lose any game. I am very sensitive and even if I lose a game I will not feel relaxed till the time I win the other person in more than once. Even though I have seen so many failures and learned so many lessons, still my heart is not ready to accept any failures. I hope for everyone it is same.

Playing and losing without money is very painful and If I play with money then it will kill my peace and happiness forever.

One of the reasons for me to write this is one such situation happened. This content I am writting without peace and happiness in my heart. All other lessons I have taken it positively and as soon as I feel it as a lesson, and I will come back to normal. But now I am not able to recover from my failure. It is not because of the Money,but the trust what I had in that family. The feeling, happiness what I have received because of them for the Religion, love, friendship etc.,

Of course it is just 4-5 days gone now. I will be normal soon. But the scar will remain.

This is about my neighbor family with whom I am sharing my room for the past 16 months.

I should have written about them long back, but I was not able to write because of other activities. Hope it would have been in a positive note. I don’t know how it is going to go now.

Mr. X and Mrs. X are the couples blessed with a son and daughter. I will take some other time to write about the pleasant memories. I am not able to think anything now.

What I love in them is “They really gave me a new dimension for the religion”.

Especially for a female born and brought up in a Brahmin family atmosphere, is very tough to mingle with a Muslim family. I am staying in the same room for the last 16 months without any problems.

We are united, we never had any chance to fight in the name of religion, normally we don’t, only our politicians do it for us. Even we never had any heated discussions also on this. Instead, they gave me the pleasure of knowing ISLAM. I really felt that I have not gone in-depth like them in religion.

I had zero knowledge about ISLAM. I never got any chance to discuss on ISLAM with anyone because I used to keep the heated discussions out of my box. For me friendship doesn’t see religion.

It was really a pleasure to know about ISLAM through them. I really treasured it and I started to analyze positively about Hinduism because of these couple. I know them only as MUSLIM and not saying them as individual people.

What Happened? Why Happened?

One of the worst bet in my life would have been the answer for the question for what happened.

If I say the bet, everyone will feel it very silly and when I write this I too feel it too silly but it was about to happen and when we had the bet, we didn’t feel that it was silly.

Bet for What

காதலில் சாதல்


காதலினால் சாதல் கொண்டாயோ!

தெளிந்த நதியாக
இருந்த
என் மனத்தில்
காதல் என்ற
கல்லை வீசி
ஏன் கலங்கடித்தாய் ??

இரும்பாக இருந்த
என் இதயத்தை
காதல் என்று
குண்டைப் போட்டு
துரும்பாக்கி
ஏன் சிதைத்தாய்?

வானில்
சிட்டுக் குருவியாய்
சிறகடித்த
என்னை
காதல் என்று
ஏன்
கூட்டில்
சிறைப் பிடித்தாய் ???

இவ்வளவும்
செய்து
இன்று நீ
ஏன் என்னை
மறந்து மறித்தாயடா ??

என் காதலுக்காக
சாதலும் மேல் என்றா????

உன் காதல்
புரிந்து கொள்ள
நான் காலம்
தாழ்த்து இருந்தேன்
என் காதல்
புரியாமல் நீ
காலனிடம் சேர்ந்தாயேடா??